Re:Zero Arc 5 Chapter 41 [Heroic Reveries] (Part 2/2)
[Subaru: Th-then…… what about Crusch-san? She has the military experience and belongs to a noble family of Lugnica]
[Anastasia: Right, the words would certainly carry weight if it came from Crusch-san, but that would be the former Crusch-san. The current Crusch-san doesn’t have that kind of influence over people. Not to mention that Crusch-san is currently fighting for her life. That’s a problem that’ll have to be settled before askin’ her to inspire anyone else]
[Subaru: Fighting for her life? It’s that bad!?]
Hearing that Crusch was in even worse state he had been told, Subaru took a step towards Anastasia.
With the height difference between them, Anastasia looked up at Subaru and tightened her lips. Subaru quickly turned to Garfiel, only to see him weakly shaking his head,
[Garfiel: Th’cat-eared Sis’ won’t let her die, I’m sure’of it. She’s injected so much life-force into her…… but I’m against lettin’ her talk in front of the broadcastin’ device as well. Hell, she can barely make a sound……]
[Subaru: Damn it! Then what about Julius? If it’s Julius, he’d……]
[Anastasia: It’s true that Julius is a Knight of the Royal Guard, one of the greatest Knights in the Kingdom, and my pride. But how much would Julius’ name mean in this city? At best, his chances’re about the same as mine. And I’m more eloquent]
Crusch was out of the question, and Julius was also shot down.
Of the faces in the City Hall who could possibly inspire hope in others, only Wilhelm and Ricardo were left. But Ricardo has neither the influence nor the popularity.
And how could anyone ask this of Wilhelm now? Even if he agreed, what advantage would Wilhelm’s title as former head of the Royal Guard even bring to the table?
[Subaru: Then, what do we do? Who else is there……?]
[Al: Well…]
Just when Subaru thought he had found an effective countermeasure against Wrath, he was stuck without anyone to execute it.
While Subaru sank into these thoughts, Al casually raised his hand,
[Al: If anyone’s gonna do the broadcast, shouldn’t it be you, bro?]
[Subaru: ――Hah?]
Hearing him say this as if it were a matter of course, it took Subaru a moment to react.
Leaving his mouth gaping open, there was nearly no need to think twice about what Al had just said.
Making such an unfunny joke at a time like this, what was he thinking?
[Subaru: Say, Al. We’re in the middle of a serious conversation here. The kind where every second counts. I can’t deal with your jokes right now]
[Al: Oyoy, wait a minute. I’m aware that I’m a guy Princess-san hired because more than half of my remarks are irrelevant, but I wasn’t joking just now]
[Subaru: If you weren’t joking then what made you think I could do it? Either you’re trying to be funny or you’re mad, and I don’t know which’s worse here]
[Al: What’s so crazy ‘bout that? Why don’t you have a look around?]
Although Al was someone who has “Not Serious” written all over him, at that, he suddenly lowered his voice and nudged with his chin. Following his movement, Subaru shifted his gaze to the two others beside him――Anastasia and Garfiel. Though Subaru had imagined that they must be just as baffled by what they had heard,
[Subaru: ……Oy, you guys too?]
[――――]
Their gazes were serious, certainly not surprised or annoyed at all.
They were staring at Subaru with sincere affirmation in their eyes.
It was almost as if they were saying they agree with Al.
[Subaru: You’re kidding, right? Why do you look like you’re all agreeing here? If Anastasia and Julius can’t do it, what makes you think I can!?]
[Al: Well, like I said on the street, we all got this far because of you, bro. Garfiel agrees with me. The way he keeps callin’ you “Captain, Captain” and all]
[Subaru: How’re those two things connected!?]
[Al: Same thing! You must’ve done somethin’ right to make Garfiel call you that. That just shows how much he trusts ya, right? You seem to think what you did wasn’t that big of a deal for some reason. But aside from you, who else in this city or this world can say that they’ve defeated “Sloth” of the Witch Cult?]
[Subaru: ――――]
Al brought his face right up to Subaru’s.
His cold helmet bumped into Subaru’s forehead, and a small warmth could be felt through the icy hard metal, coming from Al’s forehead on the other side. For a moment, feeling himself pierced through by his invisible eyes, Subaru held his breath.
[Al: In a city occupied by the Witch Cult, who better to inspire hope in people than a man who’s killed a Witch Cult Sin Archbishop? The only ones around who meet the criteria are you and Reinhardt. And you’re the only one here]
[Subaru: ――gh]
Getting hit with another bump to the forehead, Subaru stumbled backwards.
Watching Subaru back away holding his head, and Al gave his single shoulder a shrug.
[Anastasia: I’m of the same opinion. If anyone should do it, it’d be you, Natsuki-kun]
[Subaru: Anastasia……]
Saying this, Anastasia looked down.
It was an expression that seemed to be lamenting her own powerlessness, all the while entrusting that hope to someone else.
At this point, seeing that expression, Subaru finally noticed the great expectation resting on his back.
[Subaru: Garfiel… you think so too?]
[Garfiel: I dunno any details ‘bout you killin’ some Sin-bishop “Sloth”. But yeah, I’m thinkin’ th’same thing]
At Subaru’s quiet question, Garfiel scratched at his short head of hair,
[Garfiel: If there’s a voice in this city that can become people’s hopes…… I say that voice’d be your’s, Capt’n. If y’really give it your all, I’ve a feelin’ y’can do it. That’s what I think]
[Subaru: ――――]
That is a baseless, and tremendously heavy trust.
Surprised, and holding his breath, Subaru clearly understood the magnitude of the faith placed in him.
Looking back, he saw Anastasia. Who nodded.
Next, he saw Al. Who shrugged his shoulder.
As before, Garfiel was still watching Subaru. When Subaru turned to face him, he nodded as well.
[Subaru: ――――]
Taking in each of their reactions, Subaru turned up his head.
Narrowing his eyes to the light of the weak crystal lamp, he exhaled a long, deep sigh.
――They think way, way too highly of him.
He had felt it from Wilhelm, Julius, and Reinhardt as well.
They’ve got it all wrong about Subaru. All wrong.
They themselves were so much better, have worked so much harder, and were so much nobler than he was.
Yet, as if it were a matter of course, they praise Subaru, offer him their help, and greet him with such warmth. That fact had always tormented Subaru.
When the person you respect, the person you don’t want to lose to, and the person you can never catch up to all give you their affirmation, it’s not just a simple matter of being overjoyed.
It made him anxious. That someday, when his real self is exposed, he will surely disappoint them.
When they realize that the real Subaru is actually pathetic, weak, and hopeless, surely, they’ll be saddened, and will regret the warmth they had shown him.
That was what he had always thought. And yet,
Even Al, Garfiel, and Anastasia, had such expectations of Subaru.
On the verge of being crushed by its weight, Subaru had pushed himself to his limit, and yet his limit was not nearly enough as he tried to live up to that expectation over and over.
This is the road Natsuki Subaru chose.
――The road he had once promised to a single girl that he would take. Her hero’s road.
But, one way or another, he was no longer just her hero. What Subaru was carrying now, was――
[Al: If you do this, bro, from now on it’ll be heroic reveries that you’ll be carryin’ on your back]
Al suddenly gave this warning to the silent Subaru.
Watching Subaru’s eyes drop, Al continued in a listless voice,
[Al: You can never lose. You must only win. You’ll take up their hopes, carry their expectations, and fight to show them the future. If you make this decision here, that’s what you’ll have to do]
[Subaru: ……I can never lose, huh. Sounds just like how it’s always been, doesn’t it?]
[Al: The weight of it’s different. If bro loses here, the defeat won’t just end with bro]
Subaru didn’t understand what Al was saying.
Subaru’s battles had always been this way. When Subaru loses, Subaru isn’t the only one who’s lost. Everything Subaru wanted to protect would be lost with Subaru’s defeat.
It had always been this way. It had never been otherwise.
If defeat didn’t cost him anything, he would have had no reason to fight.
The fact that Subaru was fighting was because there were things that could not be protected unless he fought.
And after today, their numbers would swell to unbelievable proportions.
[Subaru: Tch, isn’t that still how it’s always been?]
[Al: ――――]
Exhaling a sigh, he had made up his mind.
The pounding of his heart until now settled down as his vision cleared.
Though he couldn’t see Al’s face, he could sense that Al was holding his breath, watching him with an astounded expression.
[Subaru: Anastasia-san, I’ll do it. If my voice can make a difference, then leave it to me]
[Anastasia: ……You’re sure? Once you take on people’s hopes…]
[Subaru: It’ll be no different from what I always do. “Hero”, doesn’t sound too bad, does it. Though honestly, it’s kinda embarrasing to be calling myself that……]
Seeing Anastasia’s worried expression, Subaru softly rubbed the tip of his nose,
[Subaru: If it’s just a matter of being a hero, I’ve already made my decision a year ago. Otherwise, I’ll bring shame to the girl watching over me, and the girl whose back I’m watching]
[Anastasia: ――Is that so. Well, alright. Boys always like to show off, after all]
As if saying “There’s no helping it”, Anastasia smiled, and gave Subaru a light poke in the chest.
Subaru was a little taken aback by that reaction.
Since that might’ve been the first time he had seen Anastasia let down her guard and show her true emotions.
With that feeling rapidly melting into his chest where he had been poked, Subaru lifted his face.
[Subaru: Thank you, Garfiel. Al. For helping me make up my mind]
Saying this to the two at his back, Subaru followed behind Anastasia.
Just what would he say when he’s standing in front of the bradcasting device, he wondered.
He’s still not sure what or what not to say.
But, strangely, there was no confusion or anxiety accompanying it.
After all, it’s just the same as usual, right?
――Because he knew that, just as usual, he has no choice but to show off again.
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