Saiunkoku Monogatari: Kouryou no Yume - Volume 1 - Chapter Pr

Prologue 1

She was called Lady Lily of the Valley because of her pure extraordinary beauty.

She sat up on her bed and looked at the window absent-mindedly. Beyond that, lilies of the valley were swaying in wind quietly.

… She was remembering her father’s favorite phrase.

“You will become happier than anyone else, my precious.”

Feeling the evening wind sneaking in, she coughed a little. The coldness of the wind told her it is about the time her son would visit her. Like it had been schemed, she could hear the faint commotion at distance.

Her delicate chin started to tremble a little. It wasn’t because of the evening wind.

‘Seien’s coming…’

It should be impossilbe, but she could hear her son’s footsteps that were coming near by the moment, and her face became even paler, and she quivered.

Just like the position of the second concubine, she had many things that were beyond her quality, and her son was the one that was more so than anything else.

She became pregnant right after the wedding, then the birth of the second prince. When grown, anyone would envy, he was bright and beautiful, and since when he was little, people praised that he exceeded the first prince. All of these were just troubles for her. She couldn’t bear the fierce jealousy from the other women. More than anything, she was afraid of her son’s brightness.

‘It’s not Seien’s fault.’

She told herself desperately, and tried to have affection for him. But even that wore her already sensitive nerves.

The footsteps stopped at the door.

Unconsciously, she held the covering tight.

Her son’s limpid beautiful face appeared through the opening door. With both delicate and gentle features and sharp and unyielding atmosphere like a drawn sword, he has fragile beauty that is like thin ice which is typical to the boyhood. Looking at her son always reminded her of the cold profile of her husband with whom she had a relationship only once.

“How are you feeling, Mother.”

Seien smiled calmly.

Her white throat choked, and no voice came out. She tried to smile at least but she wasn’t sure if she was successful.

Seien talked about casual matters as usual, tended his mother, gave a few instructions concerning the villa’s maintenance, and took his leave.

It’s a daily routine repeated like the sun rising from the east and setting in the west. She released her breath when Seien left.

Kind and devoted to his mother, he was a perfect prince.

But she knew. The kindness her son showed was merely a superficial deceit. Just like the King did not love her at all, nor does her son.

The clever son realized that his mother saw through it, but did not say anything, or did not particularly change his attitude. Seien, who had to fight at the palace everyday, had to give his weak mother a low priority, and thinking about whether she is loved or not is just a silly blunder. Despite, he tried to protect her as her son. Even if it is not love, even if it is just the minimum obligation.

It couldn’t be helped. But sometimes, she woke up with angry feeling furious like rain shower. She did not know the reason. It was her who could not love her son first. So it wasn‘t right to get angry if he did not love her. To begin with, why did things turn out this way?

‘You will become happier than anyone else, my precious.’

She thought about those words many times. Her father still said there was no girl who was happier than she. Is this happiness? Am I happy…?

… The time passed, and the spring, the time lilies of the valley bloom, had come.

One day, she realized someone was glancing at her. He is small. It’s not her son.

“…Who is it?”

“It’s… Ryuuki. How are you feeling, Second Stepmother.”

From the childish words and the sweet face, she realized right away. He resembles the sixth concubine. Probably because of her disposition, she gave severer impression, and she HAD BEEN an arrogant nymph fit to be called the follower of the harem.

“…You just lost your mother. It was unfortunate.”

The prince looked down, and came closer hesitantly. He held out a lily of the valley he was hiding behind.

She smiled from her heart the first time in a long time.

“Thank you, kind Young Prince.”

The youngest prince looked in amazement. It was like he did not expect her to accept the flower or smile at him.

The prince looked down fidgeting.

“…B…Brother Seien is very kind and teaches me many things. So, even if I knew you were sick, I wanted to see you, Stepmother."

“…Seien?”

“Yes. He gave me a sword the other day. The swords are called Kanshou and Bakuya. They were given to Brother, but he gave me Bakuya. But it is too heavy for me to hold…”

The son he was talking about with shining eyes was someone she did not know.

She felt pain in her chest, and coughed. The prince startled and stopped talking.

“Oh, I… I’m sorry. Please rest. I will leave now.”

He looked down with a little hesitation.

“… I could not cry when my mother died. I did not feel sad. I am not kind at all.”

He cannot help, she thought. She’d heard she abused, beat and punished him everyday.

“…But, I don’t know why. I feel cold in my chest. Like there is a big hole there. I feel that way whenever I remember my mother. Now she won’t beat me any more, but I feel it was better when she was around.”

You loved her, she murmured in her mind. She looked at the white lily of the valley in her hand. She wondered if he knew that she was called Lady Lily of the Valley.

‘I envy her to the end.’

She was young, self-confident and arrogant, and did everything to make the emperor to look at her. And she even had a gentle sweet son like him. Her own son will not feel anything if she died…

“… I could not cry for my mother, but I think I will cry for Brother Seien and Stepmother. …May I come here again…?”

…Would it have been different if she had a son like him? She closed her eyes, and shook her head.

“…No. You cannot come here again. Do you understand? Please do not come to this villa again.”

The prince shivered and his face was crumpled. Even then, he desperately smiled and nodded. He was used to rejection.

"... I, I understand. I won’t come here again. I… I thank you for accepting the follower.”

She sent off the little prince who was rubbing his eyes when he left, and looked down the lily of the valley. Right. He should not come here again.

Then the season of lily of the valley was over, and the summer passed, and the fall came. Occasionally, pictures of lily of the valley drawn by the youngest prince were delivered to her. She treasured them.

And at the beginning of the winter…

“Lady Lily of the Valley, your father committed treason. Please submit yourself.”

She was dragged down from the bed by violent men who broke into the villa, and tied up roughly. She did not say anything. She coughed once tiredly.

She did not say anything when she was thrown into a jail, stuffed into a carriage like baggage, and was attacked by assassins in Sa Province. She was scared but did not try to struggle. At the last moment when her head was about to be cut off, she looked at her son.

Her son looked at her, too.

… There is no mutual understanding. She and her son could not be a mother and a son even at the last moment. They did not even try to close the rift. She was glad that her life was about to end. She did not have to live any longer. Then she pitied her son for the first time.

‘My poor child…’

He wasn’t loved by his mother, wasn’t protected, and wore an armor of ice all alone, not believing anyone. He fought, only having himself to rely on, to clear a bloody path. At merely thirteen, he had learned derisive smile, and was walking through the adults’ lies with the mask of politeness and smile.

He only have a mother like this, he could only become a child like this.

Even though, he tried to protect the mother whom he did not love to the last moment. Despite hiding his contempt, he never quit visiting her, and even though it was false, he was kind to her. For the son with pride too high, it probably was the best possible concession toward his weak mother.

He could have had a different life if he had not been born to her.

‘Poor Seien…’

She did not know why, but she could see the sky. Gray, cloudy sky. The falling snow like down.

She was satisfied. At the very last moment, she obtained “happiness.” But probably in Seien’s future…

(He is very much like me…)

… She did not pray for her son’s happiness.

Because she thought, being loved by that young prince, he was much happier than she, who wasn’t loved by anyone.

She remembered that prince momentarily. The dancing lingering snow looked like lily-of-the-valley flowers.

(Will that prince cry for me?)

It’s the lily-of-the-valley season… She thought at the last moment, and her head rolled on the ground.

 

Prologue 2

Liles of the valley were blooming.

The first memory that Seien could remember was his sobbing mother.

‘Why... I did not want any of these…’

He thought the tears dropped on the white hands were beautiful, but also felt lonely. Always crying.

He wished he could do something and went close to her, then his mother startled and turned around. Looking at her scared, rejecting eyes, he pulled back his hand that was about to touch her. It was when he realized clearly that he himself was included in ‘what she did not want.’

He might have felt sad.

His mother was crying every night, and he was listening her sobbing like a lullaby since when he was born. So, he gave up quietly rather than feeling sad. Her sorrow was that deep. Knowing he is the reason, and there is no room left for even a little hope, he could only comprehend that there is nothing he could do. So he quietly accepted the fact that his mother could not love her son.

He submerged his pain, sadness, loneliness and despair in the place so deep that he could not even remember where.

Lilies of the valley swayed in wind.

‘She was not a kind of woman who could live in the harem.’

On the way back from the villa to visit his recuperating mother as always. Seien stopped in front of the flowers glowing dimly in the dark.

His mother did not wish to rival in beauty in the harem, nor did she have talent for it. She got married as a girl who did not know anything, and still was.

He thought he accepted his mother’s weakness since then. But sometimes he couldn’t help feeling irritated. Thinking that he himself had the same weakness made everything he had built started to look fragile. He could not accept that.

‘I cannot live then.’

He just turned twelve, and had already killed dozens of assassins by his own hands. Living here meant so. It was not allowed to have even a sliver of weakness like hers…

Then he heard someone crying from somewhere.

‘… A child?’

He frowned. Why is he hearing a child cry?

“… Is someone there?”

He pushed himself fairly deep into the garden. He guessed where he was and parted bushes to discover a phenomenally strange object.

‘……What is this?’

Something was lying with its face down. The face that looked up Seien was a mass of tears, snot and dart. It was sobbing convulsively with funny voice. While he looked, the child’s face crashed on the ground from exhaustion. Seien was taken aback. It looked like it did not have enough energy or strength to keep its head up.

He guessed it was one of his brothers from the place and its age, but to tell the truth, he forgot his existence until this moment. I might have a brother about this age.

‘…Ryuuki, I think, isn’t it?’

“Why are you crying?”

He cried so much he didn’t have any energy left to turn over, but he looked up Seien desperately. Those eyes were like big crystals. It was as if Seien would vanish like smoke without him staring. 

And what came out between sobs was…

“I’m... l…lonely.”

It was the words from a three-year old.

It wasn’t clear if his memories with his mother crossed Seien’s mind. Seien finally came closer, and picked his brother up.

I see, he muttered.

Seien accepted this excuse that came out after hours of crying while no one came for him.

-- These words were worth for it.

"I understand. You don’t have to cry here alone any longer. Come to my court next time.”

Seien remembers the higher temperature from the body holding on to his neck, and the way he curled up and cried like a small animal that just found its place. He did not know how to call this emerging feeling until a while later.

“I am your second oldest brother… Ryuuki.”

Ryuuki was three and Seien was ten back then.

It happened three years before Seien’s exile with his mother to Sa Province.