Anyone would feel despondent in a situation like this. Everyone in the Duchy knew of this. But, more than anyone else, he was the most isolated.
The owner of the estate was always alone.
A person who spent his time looking outside the window because of his weak body—that was Amoide.
“What are you looking at?”
His deep blue eyes peered into mine.
“I told you not to look at me like that,” he said with a fierce glare.
‘Oh my…’
I was taken aback for a moment. What did I do to deserve such a glare when I just entered his room?
‘Those eyes of yours could kill people.’
Still, my lips were alive.
“…How else am I supposed to look at you, Amoide?”
Questions were necessary to solve problems, after all.
“It makes me feel horrible,” he replied sharply.
“….”
I was rendered speechless.
“It’s that look again.”
“I’m looking at you normally. What’s wrong?”
I answered at random.
“Your face is the best as usual, but yo”I guess you’re tired of keeping up this farce now?”
As soon as I entered Amoide’s room, I heard his sarcastic tone.
“What do you mean, I’m tired?”
I paused for a moment and gazed at him.
He was sitting by the window as usual. His face and body were shrouded by a shadow because the sunlight was too strong behind him. It made his angular features stand out more, though at the same time… he looked lonely.
It was the hour for wolves and dogs.
It was a time when I couldn’t tell whether the man sitting by the window was a puppy who would expose its belly to me, or if he was a wolf who would bite my neck.
However, he looked lonely today… though that’s not possible.
‘Is it because I wasn’t here…?’
Really? Really?! Goodness, it worked, it worked!
I wanted to laugh aloud, but I tried my best to keep it under control.
“You must have been bored without me.”
I plucked the courage to ask this question. He looked displeased, but he didn’t seem to be completely denying it. Nonetheless, as I gazed upon the solemn look on his features, the laughter that was bubbling on my lips disappeared in an instant.
‘I understand why you’re lonely.’ur personality is horrible.”
The words came out smoothly. It was what I thought anyway, so I was just speaking my mind.
“….”
This time, he was the one who was speechless. No one would refute if they were called handsome.
Though why did he bring it up?
He stared at me with bewilderment. Then, he turned his gaze out the window. I think that’s what he did whenever he was feeling embarrassed or shy.
I knew from experience since I’d felt the same way countless times, but I was more curious why he felt this way now.
“Has no one ever told you?”
Curiosity rose out of the blue.
He was the youngest knight commander of the Empire. This title alone would have been enough for him to be the most eligible bachelor.
Besides that, he was the head of a Ducal family that was close to the Imperial family. These were all credentials that made him desirable.
If he hadn’t caught this illness, he would have married a beautiful, noble lady from a good family and standing.
He wouldn’t have been stuck with someone like me, a fallen noble with countless debts.
Hierarchy existed even amongst the nobility. Our family wasn’t allowed to enter the Imperial Palace, so consequently, we weren’t in the position to be chummy with noble families with high ranks.
Camilla’s catchphrase, ‘How dare you!’ sounds about right, considering the difference in our families’ stature.
If my family hadn’t fallen, maybe I could have met him at some high society party…
“I don’t care.”
“I’m just curious.”
“Why would you be curious about such a thing?”
“I want to know everything about you.”
Only then would I be able to save you—Who was it that was trying to kill you, why are you suffering from an unknown disease, falling ill so suddenly overnight.
Would it really be inevitable that I’d be responsible for your death? Would that really happen…?
…Why did the original Selena from the novel try to kill Amoide?
I couldn’t tell anymore, the difference between Selena and ‘me.’
“A lot of ladies must have flirted with you. Tell me, hm?”
“Who would have the audacity to say something like that so bluntly?”
“Oh, that’s true.”
The women around him must have gone around in circles, even as they were complimenting him.
‘Was I too forward?’
However, compliments and praises could even make a whale dance.
“But, I’m not good at beating around the bush, just like you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re not used to speaking in circles either. Or have you not noticed?”
“What are you talking about?”
Oh, was he pretending not to know?
“‘Get lost.'”
I imitated his cold tone, scrunching up my face to mimic his irritated expression as much as I could. While slinging the words ‘get lost’ back to his face, I felt an indescribable sense of satisfaction.
“You always say that. Don’t pretend you don’t know.”
Like a fish out of water, his lips opened and closed as he grasped for the right words for his rebuttal. Even if he wanted to deny it, he probably couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Sometimes, I’d like to learn how to beat around the bush, too, but I don’t think I’ll ever get it, so I’m fine with how I speak now,” I said indifferently.
“….”
“So don’t dodge the question.”
My gaze met with him again, and I laughed. “So, answer me. You were bored without me here, right?”
“…Don’t be ridiculous.”
“We’ve come this far, though you’re still denying it?”
“Don’t create something out of thin air.”
“Is it so hard to admit that you’re bored without me by your side?”
I walked towards him and sat beside him.
Seeing that, Amoide scooted away as if to avoid me, but he didn’t gesture for me to stand up and go away at all.
That alone was a huge improvement.
And… seeing his face up close was even more wonderful. So what if he was a puppy or a wolf? The important thing was that he’s handsome.
“You didn’t go for a walk today, right? I wish we could go for a stroll together. So we could watch the sunset, too.”
I gazed out the window to see the garden. The gardeners and other employees were still busy setting up the nets for the snakes.
“I don’t need it.”
He placed his head against the window.
“Hmm, sure, I guess you won’t need it. You won’t need any sunshine if your face is already enough to light up the whole room.”
“…What?”
He lifted his head from the window sill and glared at me.
“Ah, I guess it really was because of the sunset.”
I laughed boisterously and continued speaking.
“We can’t take a stroll today, so just leave.”
He tried to stand up, but I grabbed his arm in a hurry to make him sit down again.
“Well, we can just talk here.”
“….”
Even as he looked at me as if I’d gone off the deep end, I continued speaking anyway. “Do you know that positive conversations have a great effect on the human body? People who live alone are more likely to develop dementia.”
As he was about to cut me off mid-sentence, he decided to close his lips instead.
No matter what he said, Amoide must have realized that it wouldn’t be easy to kick me out this time.
“Do we even have anything to talk about between us?”
“Um…”
When he asked that, I felt the need to come up with something great. There might be a story he’d be interested in, about something he liked—anything at all.
I tried hard to rack my brain for it, but nothing came to mind.
Of course, everything I knew about him was about his life after I moved to this mansion.
I never had the opportunity to learn about his past because we never had a proper conversation between us, let alone bonded over anything. I didn’t know Amoide’s personal history, so my questions were limited.
All I knew about him was…
“The Order of the Sun.”
“….”
“Tell me a story about your time as a knight. Last time when that snake appeared, you caught it so adeptly.”
In fact, the most common occurrence of us being together was when I was beside him on his sickbed as he battled his fevers. I had never seen him hold a sword, or even wield one.
Thinking that, I wondered if he would ever hold a sword again.
“I’ve lived on the battlefield since I was young.”
He spoke indifferently as though it were nothing.
“What about when there weren’t any wars?”
“I usually stayed at the knights’ quarters at the Imperial Palace. It’s on the east wing.”
Because the Order of the Sun’s primary mission was to protect the Imperial Family, the knights’ quarters were located at the Palace itself.
I heard that there was an exclusive training ground for the knight order, and it was the largest one at the palace. As it was situated in the east wing, it was only apt since that’s where the sun rose.
Imagining him training there made the sight before me even more pitiful, seeing this ill person.
Was this what a beast looked like with its claws and fangs pulled out…?
“…You’re amazing.”
At my blunt words, Amoide turned his head so quickly to look at me.
“The Order of the Sun is the first knights’ division of the Empire. And, the Commander is the most honorable of them all.”
It was no question that all the prominent noble families wanted to have their sons join the ranks of the first order.
Amoide joined the order at the young age of twelve, underwent the rigorous process to become a formal knight, and through his extensive training, became the commander.
“His Majesty the Emperor’s trust in you… I heard it was considerable.”
Amoide’s expression grew darker and darker. I thought I’d been complimenting him well, but as I looked at him, it seemed to have the opposite effect.
“If you’re curious about the palace, then I have nothing to say. I haven’t been there for a while, and the Imperial Family has probably forgotten about my existence. I’m sure my obituary has already been prepared.”
A sardonic smile hung on the corners of his lips. The room, which had previously been warmed up by the sunset, was immediately thrown into a blizzard.
Shit.
I made a mistake. He had no choice but to take a leave of absence from knighthood because he needed to recuperate at home.
I’m an idiot…
I said I wanted to talk to him, but instead, I just used this chance to stab him where it hurt unknowingly.
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