Slayers - Volume 12 - Chapter Aft

Afterword

Scene: Author + L

Au: Another reprint in the can! That’s The Dynast Plot!

L: It seems the readers spent a lot of time between publications imagining my awesome adventures! I received 40,000 letters describing their ideas!

Au: Yeah, right! This was a simultaneous reprint—three volumes at once! There’s literally no time for that to have happened! You’re lying your ass off!

L: Erk! You got me!

Au: I sure did! Besides, what was the title? “L vs. the Beautiful Innkeepers Nationwide: Kansai Chapter”? That sounds like it would just be about you complaining about the innkeepers at various destinations and picking fights with them.

L: Ye of little imagination! As an example, let’s integrate battle manga elements! My master is killed, so I set out on a quest to find the culprit! I fight tofu in Kyoto, then spend three days training at Mt. Rokko to hunt the nefarious Kobe beef. And at last in Osaka, there’s a violent clash over whether it’s okay to eat okonomiyaki with rice! An ally comes to save me in my time of need! I drive them away without hesitation!

Au: You drive them away?!

L: There could be some romance too! I travel alone to Kyoto, where I happen to meet some fine tofu and we share a steamy encounter—

Au: Wait a minute here. You can describe it like a battle or like a porno, but all you’re doing is still eating tofu! The beautiful innkeeper never actually appears!

L: Who cares?

Au: Who cares?! It’s in the freaking title!

L: Those don’t have to be totally accurate as long as it comes around in the end. Maybe after all that, I return to my inn where I meet the beautiful innkeeper, and we have a fight about our difficult life experiences.

Au: What kind of book is that?! It’ll just depress your readers! Moreover, is it really okay for that to be the only place the book’s namesake matters?

L: Oh, chill out. You called this book “The Dynast Plot,” and that only becomes relevant when the stupid dad-joke dragon comes along at the end to say Dynast might be up to something. We’ll only find out in later volumes if he’s right or not!

Au: Erk! Well, it’s pretty common for me to get close to finishing my manuscript and still not know the subtitle. It’s also pretty common for me to choose a random title for something and end up with a story that doesn’t really match. That may be why, when I’m choosing stories for the short story collections, I’m just looking at a list of titles and going, “Wait, what happened in these?”

L: So it’s okay if the beautiful innkeeper only makes a cameo, right?

Au: Erk! Okay... fine, you’re right.

L: I could also make it a mystery! Strange serial murders occur wherever I go!

Au: That’s pretty cliche... but it might be more interesting than your other proposals.

L: I never learn the culprit!

Au: Hang on a minute! Aren’t you supposed to solve the mystery?!

L: Huh? Why should I? Crimes are for the police to solve, yeesh.

Au: Okay, that’s totally valid! But it’s still supposed to be a mystery, yeah?

L: So? Mysteries are about the mystery. In other words, mystery is all you need. Who said you have to solve anything?

Au: Argh! There was that old X-Files show that was a mystery series, but the culprits always ended up being aliens or other strange creatures. But wait! If there are murders everywhere you go, doesn’t that suggest you’re the killer?

L: Oh, please. By that logic, the culprit in every detective series would be the detective. It’s all just a coincidence. But if you insist on finding out who the murderer is, maybe I’ll catch a news report at the next inn revealing that they caught the culprit. They’ll even reveal the motive!

Au: That’s not very exciting.

L: Well, I’ve given you plenty of material to work with. The readers can run with that to imagine more of my adventures!

Au: You call that material? Guys, don’t fall for this. It’ll just make her more insufferable.

L: I’m counting on you, everyone!

Afterword: Over.