I could not finish saying both syllables of the word Master.
My heart was pounding.
There was a mixture of many emotions churning inside me at the moment. My heart had become a rag, and if I twisted it, all of my dark feelings would seep out.
Master. My strange destiny. The peony who had become my teacher.
“Mother.”
“……”
Master looked at me. Her eyes, always orderly, were shaking. It was the first time I had called Master my mother, and it was Master’s first time being called Mother by me.
“…How strange.”
Master put down her pencil stub. Had she been working on her manuscript? Papers with Master’s handwriting lined the living room table.
“I don’t know how long it’s been since you called me that.”
Sentences that could not be written. Words that couldn’t become sentences. Sheets that could not become books, red manuscripts were scattered about.
“I feel like it’s been a very long while since you called me Mother. No. Rather than being a long time… It’s like…”
“I love you, Mother.”
The tips of Master’s fingers paused.
“I wanted to see you again. Did you know? I now have someone I’ll love forever. It’s actually possible to love someone truly and be completely loved by someone. Holding Raviel’s hand… I wanted to introduce her to you first, Mother, more than anyone else.”
“……”
“If it’s you, Mother, you would definitely become good friends with Raviel. As for me… I’m surviving well. I’m living well. I am trying to live well. There are many days when I recall your words, Mother.”
Master.
“I wanted to see you one more time.”
Master slowly rose. She came to me. Master’s long, thin fingers wiped my eyes.
“Did you have a nightmare?”
“I’m currently having a nightmare.”
“Life is no different from a dream. But that doesn’t change anything. Is evil not evil if we say it is uncaring? Are wounds healed when we make excuses, citing ignorance? My son. Don’t be fooled by words. You should always look inside your heart. Don’t let your heart be governed by hollow words and flimsy sentences.”
Master hugged my shoulder.
“Whether or not you call me mother, I remain myself in your heart. As do you. A person isn’t a person because they know how to memorize a few words or say a few lines. A person becomes a person by the weight of another whom they put in their heart.”
I shrank into Master’s arms.
My mouth opened and closed several times.
“Mother wouldn’t… couldn’t have raised a child like Yoo Sooha.”
“Yes.”
“Someone who throws punches out of anger… You wouldn’t call such a person to the dinner table. You would have kicked them out of the house. But before you kick them out, you would have taught them better. Before teaching them better, you would have already raised the child to be kind.”
“So I would.”
“That’s why.”
I opened my mouth.
“Mother… isn’t So Baek-hyang.”
Master smiled.
“Stay alive, Gongja. You have to live strongly.”
With a smile, she faded away.
“……”
Master’s face dripped down.
Her smile melted.
The hand that held my shoulder was erased.
It disappeared, leaving only a shadow.
-■, ■■■ ■■■.
The shadow had no face. Its outline was blurry. Squirming, the shadow left the room like a giant earthworm.
Another layer of this world was peeled away.
That over there was the bare face of [my mother].
“—Ugh.”
I ran to the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and lowered my head. Loss. Guilt. I threw up these dark feelings.
My heart vomited.
“Huh?”
Behind my back.
I heard a voice from the bathroom door.
“Hey, did you eat something weird? Why are you vomiting as soon as you get home? Brat, did you eat something crappy outside? Didn’t your older brother tell you to watch what you eat, if nothing else?”
It was Yoo Sooha.
“Do you want me to pat your back a bit?”
“…Yoo Sooha.”
“Dude. Did you throw up your brain along with whatever you ate? Little brother. Where’s your respect?”
I sat on the tile of the bathroom floor and looked up at Yoo Sooha. Yoo Sooha was standing on wriggling squid legs.
“You shitty…”
“You didn’t vomit your brain—you dumped it out. Hey, sometimes in life, you hit people, all right? Your big bro was also scared when the news broke yesterday. Mom and Dad scolded me damn well. But we’re a family, so you should root for me. Yeah? Don’t you think so?”
“You crazy bastard…”
I muttered while holding onto the toilet bowl.
“You’re, fuck, a really shitty person.”
“Huh?”
“If all you did was hit a stalker, you’d be an angel. You’re the type of bastard who’ll hit the stalker behind their head and bury the body behind a mountain and set off a wildfire.”
“What… Only a psycho would do that. Is that how you see your older brother?”
“You’re that very psychopath! Motherfucker!”
My head became dizzy.
“An idol? A singer? You think you can have that sort of career? You know nothing about fanservice. You curse at every interviewer and cuss out their parents for dessert. But you think you can be a singer? Don’t make me laugh.”
“Uh…”
“Besides, you get scolded by your mother and father? Are you the type of person who’ll learn anything from being scolded? It’s a relief you don’t slap your own parents. Fuck! Damn you… Yoo Sooha, you’ll never be the type of person who comforts his vomiting younger sibling. You just can’t. I wish you could have been that kind of guy.”
I stared at Yoo Sooha’s face.
“I didn’t kill you.”
“……”
“I didn’t kill you, asshole. I didn’t. Because you can’t be. So I can’t… For me to kill you, I…”
I tried not to kill him.
“Really, you’ve done some fucking shit, you.”
Sometimes, I dreamed.
『O-over here, Hunter-nim! Please, save me!』
I shouted.
『Huh?』
Yoo Sooha looked back at me.
『I was ambushed by wolves.』
『Ah, shit. What the fuck? Mister, did you provoke the monsters here already? Damn. Then today’s hunt is fucked.』
Yoo Sooha clicked his tongue.
『P-potion…』
I begged him, but he—
『Ah, be careful next time. Fuck. It looks like I won’t even be able to make a day’s wages.
Yoo Sooha gave me the potion.
Sometimes, I dreamed.
『I’ll give you a potion, but you have to pay the right price for your life.』
Yoo Sooha said.
『F-forty gold,』
I replied.
『Enough. Hand over everything you have right now.』
Saying that, Yoo Sooha took everything I had, and,
『Good. Be more careful next time, Mister.』
Yoo Sooha gave me the potion.
I dreamed that the Yoo Sooha of eleven years ago was still a greedy bastard, but he didn’t kill someone who was injured and weak. I sometimes dreamed that I didn’t have to kill my hero with my own hands, and I…
I…
“You shitty bastard…”
Yoo Sooha’s black hair fluttered.
“Fuck off. Your place is within my shadows. If you’re trying to set up a new home in this hell with a new personality, cut it out.”
Then, the black hair fell away.
-■■, ■■ ■■■.
[My brother] became a ghost and made a gloomy sound.
That’s right. It was a specter.
They were souls that could not even become ghosts in this trauma, where they had lost their existence. Those who had lost the forms extracted from my memories were now mere shadows.
“……”
I washed my face in the sink.
Water dripped from my eyebrows.
“Okay.”
My mutter settled lowly in the house of specters.
“It’s all right. You can do this, Kim Gongja. You can do this.”
This was not my home. This was not my world.
It was just that a life I wanted to reap was trapped in this hell.
I exited the house and came back with the Constellation Killer.
“Ah…”
The Constellation Killer did not recognize the specters as such. In his eyes, the specters seemed to be my father, mother, and brother.
No. Perhaps it was the other way around.
-■■■?
-■■ ■■■.
From the beginning, my father, mother, and brother may have looked like specters to the Constellation Killer. For him, the humans of this world may have been no different from specters. So, all of the sounds the humans made would have been nothing more than noise to the Constellation Killer.
“Good eve…”
“Don’t greet them.”
I cut him off.
“You don’t have to be polite.”
I grabbed the Constellation Killer’s wrist and went into my room. The Constellation Killer was dragged away by me, unable to finish his greeting.
-■, ■■■ ■■■.
My brother, who had been wearing Yoo Sooha’s face a short while ago, followed us. He tried to follow us into the room. However, I pushed him away and blocked the door.
“Don’t come in. I’m warning you.”
-■■■?
“I’m going to take care of this child for a while. I’ll do everything on my own, so you don’t have to interfere. Don’t come in or talk to this child if he doesn’t allow you to. I’m serious.”
I closed the door and locked it.
-■■. ■■■?
The specters mumbled outside the door. I ignored them and made a place for the Constellation Killer to sleep. The Constellation Killer, still holding the bag on his back that he left school with, stared at me.
“Can you say that to your family?”
“It depends on the family. For you, this is your bully’s family.”
“…Don’t speak politely. It feels wrong. Really, I don’t know what sort of big thing you’re planning to put so much effort into this now.”
“It doesn’t matter if you think I’m plotting something. For now, sleep.”
“Where will you sleep?”
“Anywhere. Get some rest. You’ll feel a bit better after you rest.”
“……”
From that day on.
I erased the presences in this world, one by one.
-Who is this? What? Sooha’s younger brother…? Why are you calling me…?
I secretly used my brother’s phone to talk to Preta.
-Huh? Ah. I heard about you from Sooha. I think we’ve met once before. But what’s up? Is Sooha trying to use you to apologize in his stead?
I used the same method to call the Golden Silk.
I broke down Preta and the Golden Silk with one call.
The idol group would occasionally show up on TV screens, but the faces of Preta and the Golden Silk were not shown. Only shadows fluttered about like scribbles.
[The degree of the trauma’s implementation is decreasing.]
Then, there was a reaction.
[The data to implement the trauma has been corrupted.]
[Extracting corrupted data from your memory… Failed.]
[The data cannot be recovered.]
The gap that I created began to puncture the world.
[Extracting corrupted data from the original owner’s memory… Failed.]
[The data cannot be recovered.]
I hastened my actions.
I destroyed the Four Demon Lords. The children from the Hellfire Residence crumbled away. As soon as I saw them, I changed the characters in the trauma into specters.
Each time, the world of the trauma collapsed, little by little.
“Mm? This is rare. Gongja, what are you doing in the teachers’ office?”
My homeroom teacher, the Venomous Snake, was included.
“G-Gongja? Why did you call me into an empty classroom? Eek. Teachers and students should not date in general, but it’s also against the school rules…!”
Even the Alchemist, who was a math teacher.
“I heard you asked to have a face-to-face talk. You are a unique student in many different ways, so we allowed it at the request of the student council president. What do you have to say?”
Even the Sword Saint, the principal.
One at a time.
[The degree of the trauma’s implementation is decreasing.]
[The data cannot be recovered.]
After a fortnight.
Most of the students and teachers at the school had already been turned into specters.
It wasn’t just the school that became weird.
-■■ ■■■■■.
On the TV, no matter what channel was on, there was a specter in the place of the announcer. Even the people performing live were murmuring with a shadow’s voice and face, so everything was incomprehensible.
I had also tried to leave town by taking the train as a test.
The scenery of the city continued for a while, but at some point, darkness spread beyond the window. The train disappeared when it reached that zone.
[The degree of the trauma’s implementation is decreasing.]
[Requesting material from Zrakua… Failed. Request rejected.]
[The data cannot be recovered.]
The broken world.
A failed eyesore.
“…Gongja, I have to ask you something.”
One day, after class, the Crusader approached me.
She looked nervous, somehow.
“What is it?”
“I can’t say it in the classroom. No, it’s more like I don’t want to say it.”
The Crusader turned her head and glanced behind her.
-■■■! ■■ ■■■■.
The person sitting at the desk had already turned into a specter. It was the Count. The Count had spoken with me two days ago and crumbled into a shadow. The Crusader glanced at her friend’s appearance and lowered her voice.
“Let’s go to the hallway.”
We exited the classroom and went into the hallway.
“So, what is it?”
“…I don’t know if this sounds weird. No, it definitely sounds weird. But for some reason, I felt like I should consult with you.”
In the middle of the hallway, where specters came and went.
The Crusader looked around, greatly unnerved.
“Something is strange.”
“……”
“If you asked me what it was, it’d be hard to say. But I’m certain. This isn’t normal. Last weekend, I went out of town with my family. Or I was going to. I prepared a lunch box in the morning. But when I blinked, it was evening.”
The Crusader’s shoulders shook a little.
“At first, I thought it was amnesia. But my family talked about how the outing was very pleasant at the dinner table. I have no memory of the outing, and I can’t even remember what I did…”
The Crusader lifted her head again, looking around. Except for a handful of students, there were only wriggling black specters in the classroom, the hallway, and the schoolyard.
“…Something is weird. It’s wrong. Maybe I’m the one who became weird. Sorry, Kim Gongja. I’ll just make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Maybe I’ll be better with some counseling.”
“The very last row in the classroom.”
I opened my mouth.
“The student sitting by the window. Do you remember him?”
“Hmm…?”
The Crusader’s brows furrowed.
“More or less since he’s a classmate. I think his name is ■■.”
“Did you know that he was receiving these texts?”
I took out the Constellation Killer’s cell phone and showed it to her.
“……”
“I’ll tell you now. They’re not faked.”
As she read the texts, the Crusader’s face turned white. She was shocked. But her shock was brief, and soon, the Crusader yelled in a furious voice.
“What? Something like this… No, he isn’t the type to send a text like this. It’s ridiculous! I can’t overlook this. It goes way beyond a joke!”
“Are you angry?”
“Of course! Some things can be forgiven because we’re kids, but some things cannot. But wounds are wounds, whether it was caused by an adult or a child. Rather, kids can be worse!”
“What are you going to do now?”
“We have evidence. We have to report it to the police right now! I know this kind of problem well. If you file a complaint with the school, the evidence will be taken away and they’ll tell you to resolve it among yourselves like friends. It won’t be enough if just the two of us went to the police station, so gather as many people as you can and let’s go…!”
“That’s right.”
The Crusader.
“This is who you are.”
Someone who tries to reduce the number of people who are suffering, even by a little.
“If there was even one person like you in this classroom, it wouldn’t have turned out this way.”
“…What?”
“Because there’s no way you would be a bystander to this sort of thing. There’s no way you would let it go, and there’s no way you wouldn’t notice it. But because there wasn’t a single person like you in that large classroom…”
I closed the phone.
“That’s why this is happening.”
“……”
“It’s all right. Please disappear. I’ll take care of the rest on my own.”
After I closed and opened my eyes.
-■■, ■■ ■ ■■■.
A faceless specter was swaying.
“……”
Slowly.
I stood in the hall and looked around.
-■■ ■■■?
-■■ ■. ■■ ■■■.
The students were talking as they walked past. Small talk, chatting. They laughed as if it was fun, and even if it wasn’t, they still laughed. They were sharing the time of their youth. When a teacher passed by, they bowed their heads and greeted him.
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