The Abandoned Empress - Chapter 231

Chapter 231
I felt like a child who peeked into the world of adults. I was surprised at the untidy appearances of the three who were always so disciplined. It was as if an invisible wall pushed me out.

“Alexis… Allendis … I wish I had handed it over to Allendis from the beginning. I was stupid enough to leave it to the sickly Alexis, and I don’t know about Allendis’s whereabouts…I’ve committed too great a sin against my two sons. ”

“How can you say that’s your fault? You never know what will happen to you tomorrow. So, don’t blame yourself too much, Ruth. Stop drinking now. I think it’s the first time I have seen you drinking so much. Same to you, Kairan.”

“Leave me alone. I want to get drunk today. ”

“Didn’t you expect it when you taught her fencing? Why are you upset at this point?”

When I heard the voice sinking, I felt guilty. I listened attentively to my father’s words.

“Of course I knew it, but I am upset, and at the same time I am sorry… I’ve got mixed feelings about her. When I had her, I felt like I had the whole world. Was it a blessing to Tia? If she hadn’t been born as my daughter, she wouldn’t have had to tell the emperor something like devoting her life. I think I gave her too much of a burden she didn’t want. I was upset she tried to swear without consulting me, but at the same time, I felt sorry for her because I thought she didn’t trust me. Besides, the emperor…”

“Kairan.”

I couldn’t hear more, so I came out quietly.

As I couldn’t fall asleep or sit still, I was pacing up and down the hallway for a long time when I heard the sound of the door opening and somebody walking toward me. When I looked back in a hurry, I saw Duke Lars walking with a sober look and Duke Verita barely moving with his shoulders drooping, helped by the servants.

 
“Ugh? What are you doing here? ”

“Oh, Duke Lars. Are you leaving now? ”

Duke Lars looked at me blankly and said, nodding slowly, “Yes. Let me take Ruth back home, so don’t worry. As your father is asleep now, you don’t have to bother.”

“Ah…thank you. ”

“… Always be careful because you never know how the noble faction will react. I am sorry I think we have given you too much burden as soon as you came of age.”

“I will be careful. Thank you for your consideration, Duke Lars.”

After seeing him off, who said I didn’t need to, I headed for my father’s room after hesitating for a moment.

The moonlight coming in through the half-open curtains was shining beautifully on his silver hair disheveled on the pillow. I squatted by the side of the bed and carefully grabbed his hands resting on the sheet.

“… I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Was it because I unexpectedly listened to what he confided in? I felt really heavy. It would have been better if he had been upset with me. My heart ached when he said he was sorry because I was born as his daughter.

“Daddy, you told me I should be happy… you told me to enjoy as much happiness as possible.

But I don’t know what I can do to be happy.”

I put it all down and tried to find new happiness, but now I couldn’t figure out what it was.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt frustrated without finding the solution.

I couldn’t tell my father about it because he would be more worried than now, even though he could share it with me.

“What should I do now? I don’t know what to do. I thought this was the best policy, but I am more confused …What should I do? ”

I knocked on my chest out of frustration.

Why am I having such a difficult life? In the past, it was too simple, but it was too complicated now.

“I’m sorry that I’m not a good girl to you, Daddy. I am so sorry to have worried you so much.”

With a deep sigh, I stood up. I pulled the blanket over him and left the room carefully.

I closed the door gently.

I folded an umbrella with dew on it.

Water droplets rolled off. When I dusted off the hem with tiny water drops, transparent droplets that could not be absorbed scattered on the floor. The young man, who frowned a bit while watching it, said, putting a large towel over my shoulder.

“Welcome back, my lady.”

“Hi, butler. Good morning.”

“You might catch a cold if you go around like this.”

“Don’t you think you are overprotecting me? I’m a knight as you know.”

I replied with a smile, but he was adamant. The maids came to me quickly when he sent eye signals and began to quickly wipe off the water on my clothes with a towel.

I asked, leaving them doing their job, “What about my father?”

 
“He woke up a little while ago.”

“Really? He got up a lot later than usual. Is it because he drank too much yesterday? Have you prepared honey water? ”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Will you bring it then? Let me take it to him in person.”

“Okay.”

Actually, I just got back home after walking because I couldn’t sleep well.

Was it because I took a walk in the rainy garden, smelling earthy scent? I felt much lighter after taking a walk.

I headed to my father’s room, with a maid holding a tray. When I knocked and stepped in, my father, who just buttoned the sleeves on his shirt, turned around. Maybe it was because of a hangover that he frowned his straight silver eyebrows a bit.

“Did you have a good sleep, Daddy?”

“… Oh yes, Tia. Did you sleep well? ”

“Yes. I woke up early this morning, so I took a walk.”

“Great.”

“Please drink this, Daddy. You’ll feel much better.”

“Okay.”

Giving him the golden mug, I sat carefully next to him. His subdued blue eyes were fixed on the mug as if he was lost in something. When I saw his gloomy look, I found myself being timid again, just moving my mouth up and down without uttering a word.

When I finally opened my mouth to say something after hesitation, I heard a small sound from somewhere. When I pricked my ears, tilting my head, I heard the sound of something scratching outside the door.

‘Oh, she is Luna.’

As I felt it’s a good chance to break the awkward silence, I stood up and opened the door gladly. “Luna, come on.”

When I reached out, the small silver cat passed by me quickly.

When I looked back in embarrassment, I saw her suddenly approaching my father. Meowing a bit, she jumped up and snuggled into his arms. Then, she closed her eyes as if she was satisfied, and kept meowing.

After looking down at Luna for some time, he reached out and stroked her silver fur. As he now seemed relaxed enough, I plucked up the courage to speak to him again.

“By the way, Daddy.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry.”

“… ”

“I should have consulted with you first, but didn’t. I was too impatient.”

“… That’s fine. I thought the day like this might come someday from the moment when you asked me to teach you fencing. What’s the point of me blaming you now?”

I felt guilty again at his subdued voice, but all I could say was I was sorry because I would never give up my oath unless there was no other way.

 
He let out a deep sigh, looking at me silently.

“As you know, parents have a soft spot for their children, and I’m no exception.”

“… ”

“You won’t listen to me no matter how much I persuade you not to. Whew…even if I’m the best knight in the empire, I can’t persuade a determined you out of it.”

I suddenly raised my head while I was gloomy because of his heavy voice. I unwittingly smiled when I saw him feeling a bit embarrassed. It looked as if he cracked a joke to make me feel more comfortable.

“I’m not going to try to stop you, so promise me just one thing. When you come to swear next time, promise that you will tell me about it in advance.”

“Yes, Daddy, I will do that. ”

“Good. I’m relieved to hear that.”

Suddenly, the silver cat opened her eyes and rubbed them. Yawning and looking around, she jumped out of his arms.

As I looked at Luna walking slowly through the room, with her head up, I turned my head at his call.