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He turned up at my door early next morning. Not only did he come back, he came back injured. He was wearing a jacket in the middle of summer and had his shoulder and arm wrapped up in bandages.

 

“Bodyguards, yannoe, gotta get hurt every now and then.” He made it sound like nothing.

 

I stared into his eyes, those shiny, black eyes.

 

I really wanted to ask—what kind of bodyguard is he because don’t security guards usually just stalk around in their uniform so how did he get hurt so easily and why did they have to get him who was out of town to go and how did he come back so fast and is this even a legitimate company—but I did not want him to think that I didn’t trust him.

 

My major was kind of related to biology but we did not need to dissect white lab rats or look at red lumps in formaldehyde. I saw some red seeping out from the white dressing and although I did not know if it was blood or disinfectant, my heart started clenching. It felt just like the time in junior high when my old lady was diagnosed with uterine cancer.

 

“I’m fine, really.”

 

He held my hand with his uninjured left one and told me that they needed someone at Wuxi so they asked him to lead the team to protect an entrepreneur from the Northeast doing business in Wuxi. Maybe the man had enemies because they ran into trouble on their way to Shanghai.

 

“Those people were way too trashy. I mean they had watermelon knives. Goddamn, they seemed so legit too. I finished them all with my baton before my guys even acted.” And he got cut on the arm, not too deep though.

 

“Heh, the boss was a good guy though. Paid for all the medical expenses and gave me a week off with pay, too!”

 

“I’m fine, ge, I’m fine.”

 

I must have looked really bad.

 

Could you not work for that security company? Couldn’t you find a normal job like Lin Dongfu?

 

But I couldn’t say that. How could I? He wasn’t the same as Lin Dongfu and them. He had gone behind bars for killing someone. He could never be the same.

 

And it was my fault.

 

But, but you promised me that you wouldn’t go down the wrong path! This is not a good path, is it?

 

Or was I just too damn naïve even after my twenty-something years on earth?

 

I fixed my expression. “You rest in the shop. I got to go home for lunch but I’ll be back right after with yummy food for you.” I did not know he would be back so I promised my ma to eat lunch with some relatives who came from the country.

 

Immediately, he pouted. I pinched his cheeks. “Be a good boy!” I said as if I was talking to a kid, a kid who had gotten cut and beat a whole bunch of people up.

 

Fortunately, Ah-Fen was watching the new shop while I stayed at the old shop by myself. I closed the shop when I headed home, leaving him inside to sleep. However, we were very close with the other shop owners nearby so it was only a matter of time before my mom caught wind of him.

 

Perhaps I was not meant for big things because I could not get my nerves to settle down during the meal. My responses to the questions of the aunts and cousins from the country were utterly garbled nonsense and soon I gave them the excuse that something came up at the shop so I could leave. On my way out, I passed by the kitchen, tore off the two fat drumsticks from the chicken that had been stewing for a whole day, grabbed a few marinated pork feet and stir-fry veggies, poured some chicken soup and scooped out some rice. I remembered my ma saying that eating soy sauce while healing would leave a dark scar but none of these looked like it had soy sauce so it should be fine. Eating eggs caused infections but did eating chicken also? I wasn’t too sure but he could not go wrong with eating the part that was injured.

 

The brat still could not move his right arm. He could only have either the drumstick or the soup in his left hand but he also wanted to eat the pork feet and have some rice. He was so frustrated he was clawing at his hair.

 

I sniggered. “Is it good?”

 

“Mmm, delish.” He couldn’t speak clearly with a mouthful of drumstick.

 

I did not know what he liked but my mom was a good cook. I doubted prison food could even come close.

 

I held the chicken soup up for him and then fed him the rice and stripped the meat off of the pork feet. Oh boy, was he delighted. He outright dropped everything in his hand while beaming brighter than the sun. He ate until his mouth was all oily and shiny and he burped from being stuffed, but he still said he wanted to eat.

 

You just want me to feed you, right? You spoiled brat.

 

I cleaned up the table and he fell asleep on the cot. There were dark circles under his eyes. He had not slept last night and had come straight to my place after getting treated at the hospital. Must have been hard on him.

 

Wow. I mean I had thought not long ago that everything was over between us, that anything he did would have nothing to do with me.

 

How did we come to where we were today?

 

I felt guilty and sympathy towards him. I liked him. Did I do it with him because of that? 

 

So was this how things were going to be from now on? He goes out and gets into danger—he might be a “bodyguard” but who really knew what would happen? —while I get worried at home. The more I thought about it the more it seemed like he was the big gangster and I was his wife, like Andy Lau and Suki Kwan, in those Hong Kong movies. Ahhh, what was I thinking about? I hid my head in my arms.

 

I just closed the shop, turned the TV on and stared at it for a whole afternoon. By the time he woke up, I had already brought dinner back.

 

With the previous experience, he merely looked at the food in front of him like a poor puppy, not even bothering to move his left hand.

 

Sighing, I fed him. I bet he wished he could be injured forever.

 

Oh, did I have to wipe him down and change his diaper too? Lai Yiu-fei enshrined Ho Po-wing but Lai Yiu-fei was the one on top and today, I-I had to… OMG!

 

As expected, after plenty of sleep and food, the brat tried to satisfy his remaining needs, nagging me to come to bed with a crooked smirk on his face.

 

I was still a bit scared even though I had already prepared lubricant ahead of time.

 

“C’mon!” He could not even wait another moment. “We agreed on this. You gotta keep your word!”

 

I hissed back, “Stop fussing. I have to take off my clothes, don’t I?” I flung off my tee and pants and, after a moment’s hesitation, my underwear, too, before standing in front of him.

 

“Your waist’s so skinny. And your skin’s so white.” Just look at him, drooling. That little pervert. My little pervert.

 

“Are we doing this or not?” I glared at him.

 

The fucking bastard took advantage of me with his injured arm as the excuse, making me lie down, then making me go on all-fours after I lied down and then making me stick my butt up after I got on all-fours. On the account that he was so selfless last time, I did it accordingly no matter how awkward or embarrassed I felt. But after I stuck my butt up, he slapped me, saying I didn’t stick it high enough…

 

Ahhhh! Objection! Foul! This position…this position… I mean the lights weren’t even out yet. My cheeks were burning.

 

“Are you done?” My voice even became hoarse.

 

“Hehe,” he snickered. “It’s ‘kay, ge, I’mma make you feel a-mazing.”

 

Being a young buck like him, he was still able to give me hell while wounded. Too bad for little old me.

 

At first, it would not go in so he asked me to reach back and spread it myself.

 

“Oh, c’mon, ge. You gotta work with me here. Not my fault you’re so damn tight.”

 

Hearing him begging me like that, I… I actually gave in and did it.

 

Ahhhh! Putting lubricant did nothing at all. It hurt like a bitch. All damn rapists need to be fucking hung, I say.

 

However, he was a little better than me.

 

“Only a lil’?”

 

Okay, okay. I admit he was a lot better. After a while, it actually got better and I was kind of feeling it. I even came from his double-sided attack.

 

We were both sticky with sweat and he was hugging me and kissing my neck. I was so exhausted I could not keep my eyes open. I heard him saying in my ears, “You’re so good to me,ge. I’mma let you fuck me, ge. I don’t even care if you screw me to death.”

 

No one wants you to die. How could I bear to see that? You just like to talk nonsense, kiddo.

 

He was very energetic—probably got plenty of sleep in the afternoon—and started talking to me with me in his arms.

 

“Ya know, ge, Ding Hongmei’s the only other person other than you who was ever good to me. I used to hate her guts at one point. She didn’t know how to do shit and picked the shittiest men. Now that I think ‘bout it, she still had some good left in her, pawning her necklace to get me that VCD player. If not for that player I wouldn’t’ve known ya. After I got locked up, she came to see me with some fruits and she even said she went to ask you for forgiveness. The way she looked though, she prolly got thrown out by your peeps.”

 

The more he said the more downcast he got but I figured it was better for him to let it out.

 

“I was actually so glad she found out she got cancer. I wondered why she even gave birth to me. I mean, I came into this world to get looked down on. Even my teachers rolled their eyes at me. No one played wit’ me. Not even my relatives gave a fuck. Ya know, my grades were actually pretty damn good when I first started junior high.” He suddenly paused. “But she was just a fucking whore. Couldn’t live without a man, could she? I… I…” He clung onto my shoulder for his life. “Why the fuck should I go to school? She wanted me to so I didn’t. Fuck school. I was just trash anyways. They’d just look down on me anyways.”

 

He held my shoulder so hard that it hurt and his voice cracked more and more. I hugged his head. “Binbin, Binbin…” Just let it out.

 

Tears fell on my arm and dripped down my chest. It just kept dripping and dripping. He was shaking but I did not hear anything.

 

“Look at you. I let you fuck me and you end up crying. That’s it. No more for you!” I attempted to joke as he began to calm down.

 

“I’m fine.” He sniffed. “She’s dead already; nothin’ left of her. She never got it good. She’d pass by the mall and stare at the perfume but never got the money to buy it. They used to say she was pretty but you know how it all turned out…”

 

Ge?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You were always on my mind when I was locked up.”

 

He burst out laughing for some reason.

 

“You obviously didn’t wanna rent me anythin’ but you’d still give it to me every time. And you were holdin’ that stupid drawer that day and you even fought with me.” His recollection really rubbed me the wrong way but I probably had been really silly.

 

“And you stalked me to the court. You looked more worried than I was when he announced the sentence. And that one time in prison, stupid ol’ you said you didn’t bring anything for me and told me to study hard. The C.O. told me I had to listen to you.”

 

He would not stop cackling.

 

“Then why do you like me if I’m so stupid?” I asked gravely.

 

“’Cause you’re a good person, duh.” He reached down to my crotch and grabbed it. “Even better down here.”

 

Oh, come on.

 

“Hear me out, Binbin, why don’t you quit this security job and come back? I’m worried.”

 

He did not make a sound as he concentrated on his handiwork. When he finally did, he said, “I don’t wanna be looked down on but I ain’t gonna do nothing bad.”

 

But it’s not like not doing bad things would keep you safe. But before I could say it, he began round two. I really had to hand it to him. Through all the crying and laughing, he never forgot to fuck his ge.

 

 

 

 



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