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Tokyo Ravens - Volume 3 - Chapter 4.1




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Chapter 4 - Destroying the Nue 

Part 1 
You're a demon. 
He couldn't remember whether the first person that said this was a schoolteacher or someone he had hung out with. Otherwise, it was most likely his mother. Regardless of who it was, Touji had often heard those words since he had been small. 
Touji was a child born to a mistress, a so-called illegitimate child, and though he wasn't hard-pressed financially, his father and even his mother had never given him much care. Because of this, he had been angry for some time, painfully hating his own misfortune, cursing the current world. At the time, he had fought with others left and right, fighting and arguing all day with incidents popping up one after another. 
But he had also vaguely noticed that he was deliberately acting out a facade like this. 
Whether adult or child, most people would expect him to show a demeanor that 'this kind of person' should have when they heard that Touji was 'unfortunate', for example still being indomitable even with the misfortune, or having a surly attitude after yielding to the misfortune. The specific expressions were all different, but people all looked for a 'role' suitable for his misfortune - as well as a 'personality'. But Touji had unconsciously accepted that kind of message, replying to their expectations. 
The best proof was that Touji hadn't felt anything about his circumstances since very early on. He didn't feel hurt, painful, helpless, or content with his situation. 

But never mind if the people around him lost interest because of this, they would crown Touji with a new 'role'. Touji felt like a fool, but he didn't change his original nature, still fighting with others like always, fighting and arguing all day with incidents popping up one after another. 
His mind was blank. 
In the end, he only felt it dull and uninteresting. He could never enjoy his life through cumulative efforts to yield a sense of accomplishment, and he could only find joy through momentary, passively acquired happiness. 
You're a demon, an emotionless demon. 
He had never denied those kinds of words, and he truly thought that he was cold and emotionless. It wasn't that he didn't have emotions, but he lacked enthusiasm. He was a lethargic empty shell, performing a contrived interpretation of the role that others expected, with frequent inexplicable impulses forcing him to shout madly. His mind was still only ice-cold even in that kind of time. 
Could it be that nothing troubled him? 
That thought could never be banished from his heart. 
He had never dreamed of a trouble like being attacked by a demon.



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