Toradora! - Volume 1 - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He slept in.

He thought he had made rice for breakfast and the bento, but he’d forgotten to turn on the rice cooker.

He forgot to give Inko-chan her food and change her water, too.

He left the house in such a hurry that he wore mismatching socks on either foot.

“…There’s got to be something wrong with me…” he said to himself in a low, small voice, as he looked at his own feet. The right foot, black. The left foot, navy.

It was when he stood in front of the shoe cubbies at school that he first noticed his regrettable mistake, while changing from loafers to slippers. He couldn’t do anything about it now; they stood out strikingly. The colors were completely different. How had he screwed up so badly…?

But he had no time to think about it. He was on the verge of tardiness, and the guidance counselor was standing right there. Rushing students continued to hurry in. Ryuuji hung his head a little and sprang up the stairs to the classroom, hurrying along at a speed that wouldn’t get him in trouble. But…he completely missed the last step and hit his shin. Pure agony struck him; he couldn’t make a sound. His eyes narrowed in his delirium, accidentally scaring the people passing by below. 

He was already out of breath, and as he rubbed his leg, he only thought of one thing. The reason why his life was in such disarray must have been because he had parted ways with Aisaka the day before.

Ryuuji’s morning should have been easier, as he hadn’t had to go through the trouble of getting her in the morning, or making an extra bento. This morning was supposed to have been the return to his comfortable life. Even so, with all that had happened, it seemed that a life disturbed couldn’t so easily recover. Maybe living as a dog left a stain on me, he thought pitifully, but the quiet morning without Aisaka’s jeers also felt strangely quiet.

He wondered how she was doing. He couldn’t help but think about it as he walked at a snail’s pace. Had she woken up without him coming to get her? Was she running late? Had she been able to bring a lunch? Not that he was one to speak—today he was eating a convenience store meal, himself…

Thinking about such thoughts wouldn’t do him any good, though, so he shook them away. He threw open the classroom’s sliding door and took a step in.

“…Whoa!”

He stumbled, completely taken by surprise. Without thinking, he backed out of the room and closed the door.

What was that?

While he was still alone in the hallway, he took a deep breath in and exhaled. He calmed himself, then thought, What was that I just saw? How did it get like that?

He couldn’t calm himself down, but he had to check again. Or, really, he couldn’t just not go into class. Resolute, he focused on his hand and, calming his heart, he opened the door again.

“…You got that, right?”

This time Ryuuji froze.

What had entered his ear was a low, thoroughly menacing voice. The words were hard, vibrating with the promise that they’d never forgive anyone who disagreed.

“If I hear anything this boring from anyone else, ever again…I’ll show them no mercy.”

The person making an address at the center of the classroom, with her back to Ryuuji, was Aisaka Taiga. Also known as the Palmtop Tiger.

And the whole class was nearly plastered to the wall, trying to distance themselves from Aisaka as much as possible. Everyone vigorously nodded their heads up and down in frantic agreement.

“What is this?” Those were the words that he got to come out. He’d say them as many times as he needed to: “What is this?”

“…You’re sure you heard me? Don’t make me repeat myself!” The small tiger roared one more time.

The quaking boys and girls chorused a pitiful, “Understood!”

When he looked more closely, the desks and chairs around Aisaka were all tumbled over, like they’d been kicked. Bags and people’s belongings were scattered around—the classroom was really in a terrible state. It was like a hurricane had blown through. Aisaka’s voice had been quiet, but her shoulders heaved violently with her breathing. They went up and down, as though she had just been yelling. Maybe—no, it was definitely Aisaka who had done this. But why?

“Oh…Takasu…” Someone noticed him and muttered his name. Yes, he was indeed Takasu…

“Wh-what…? What is it?”

Why did everyone in the class have the same strange expression? He was glad they weren’t expressions of disgust, but their faces made him uneasy—they were strained. They were all lined up, all of them wearing an expression he had no words for. 

And then, Aisaka turned around without a sound. Her eyes silently met Ryuuji’s. Aisaka didn’t even say a good morning. Instead, she dropped her chin, and told the people in the class, “Scram.”

Everyone who had been trembling together started heading back to their own seats in groups. Several stopped by Ryuuji.

“…T-Takasu…sorry. For spreading weird rumors.”

“Huh? Weird rumors?”

“Sorry, we won’t do any prying again.”

“…Wh-what? What are you talking about?”

He approached Noto, who he was normally friendly with.

“…Hey, Takasu, I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I actually thought it was pretty awesome for you and that’s it… And I guess I was feeling a little jealous, too. Sorry. I won’t ever do it again.” Noto spoke meekly, with a strained expression. Ryuuji grabbed Noto’s retreating shoulder and, flustered, asked him what he really meant.

“Wait a second. What are you going on about? What the heck happened? This definitely looks like one of Aisaka’s rampages. Just what did she do?”

“Well, um…”

“Just tell me already.”

Noto’s face twitched uneasily, and his eyes nonchalantly wandered to the left. He was among those who weren’t scared of scrutiny from Ryuuji’s sanpaku eyes, which were now pressing him for an answer. But Ryuuji didn’t move to let go of Noto’s shoulder. He didn’t intend to, not until he knew the reason. Maybe understanding that, Noto said, “Let’s see, how can I phrase this…”

He told Ryuuji the gist of what had happened. “Uum… It looks like she found out that…we were gossiping about you and the Palmtop Tiger.”

“Gossiping?”

“Uhh…yeah, like that you two were maybe dating and stuff. And then the Palmtop Tiger got all fired up and put an end to it. She was like, ‘Takasu-kun and I aren’t involved with each other at all,’ and then she turned into a monster… I was terrified… This was, like, the first time I ever saw the Palmtop really show her stuff. I’m never gonna mess with her. Then she said, ‘Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t just spit out whatever comes into your heads. If anyone spreads any more gossip like this, I’ll kill them. I’ll really kill them, in the nastiest way you can think of—got that?!’ And Kushieda tried stopping her, and that was a complete bust, yeah? Right, Kushieda?”

The one Noto had called out to was Kushieda Minori, who had just been passing by—she was the one and only person who should have understood the Palmtop Tiger. But the sun-like smile that she always had was missing.

“Oh…right, Takasu-kun. Ummm, I wanted to…”

With a quiet gaze, as though she were thinking about something deeply, she searched the depths of Ryuuji’s eyes. She was trying to say something. But…

“…Minorin. Don’t say anything uncalled for. I will get angry, even if it’s you,” Aisaka said, grilling her from behind with a hard voice. “I want you to speak to Takasu-kun—tell him that you understand that what happened yesterday was a misunderstanding. Say it out loud. Honestly, I don’t care about what anyone else in the class thinks. The one opinion that matters is yours, Minorin.”

“…Taiga.”

“Say it, Minorin,” Aisaka commanded vehemently, like a child, her lips formed into a line. Without removing her eyes from Minori, never once looking at Ryuuji, she furrowed her brow intensely.

For a while, Minori silently took in that stare. Then, as though she had been worn down, she said, “I got it,” and once again turned to face Ryuuji.

“Takasu-kun. Sorry for the misunderstanding yesterday.”

“Ah, it’s okay! That… that’s not something you need to apologize for…”

“Taiga told me to.”

Ryuuji’s secret crush had a slightly bewildered look in her eyes. Even as she faced him, she looked like she didn’t really believe what she was saying.

“…Taiga really wanted me to say that. I’m supposed to tell you it’s all a misunderstanding. But…the only reason Taiga would go this far is…”

Her mouth formed the word probably—but then at the same moment, something disturbed the precarious balance.

“Whoa! What is this mess?! Does morality just fall by the wayside when the class representative is late?”

Kitamura had arrived at school and was making a fuss. Minori shut her open mouth and cut off what she was going to say. She pivoted her heels, so that her back faced Ryuuji, and patted Aisaka’s head.

“Don’t make that face,” she said in her usual airheaded voice and headed straight to her seat.

Then, at the clueless Kitamura’s direction, they started cleaning up the overturned desks and chairs.

“Hurry up, hurry up! If Koigakubo-sensei sees it like this, the shock would make her even more of a spinster than she already is!”

Ryuuji watched as Aisaka stepped toward Kitamura, right in front of him. Then, standing on her tiptoes, at a volume only Kitamura could hear, she whispered something.

Kitamura’s expression looked mysterious for a moment, but he immediately nodded at Aisaka with his usual carefree expression.

In Ryuuji’s eyes, Aisaka’s lips seemed to move, as though saying, “There’s something I want to tell you after school.”

Without mucking it up, without stuttering from nervousness, without falling over or doing anything wrong, and without help from a certain dog, Aisaka had successfully spoken to Kitamura.

***

Another day in the second-year class C had ended, though the situation was still pretty tense. In fact, Ryuuji hadn’t been able to peel his eyes off of Aisaka and Kitamura.

After the bachelorette (clothed in a fashionable outfit that was soft pink from head-to-toe and totally didn’t fit her age) walked off after ending ceremonies, the class went into a commotion all at once. Some people went to clubs, some to their committee meetings, while others asked each other to walk home together. There were also those who stayed behind to keep talking—the ones who signaled to each other with their eyes and left the classroom together.

Unconsciously, Ryuuji kicked the bottom of his own seat, then got up and followed after Aisaka and Kitamura. He took long strides, while still trailing slightly behind them.

It might have been in bad taste, but…that thought only troubled him for a few seconds. But, but, but, he kept thinking, doing his best to keep from breaking out into a run, or letting his footsteps make too much noise.

This was Aisaka, after all. He didn’t know what kind of blunder she might make. She might trip. She might fall down the stairs. She might get nervous and tongue-tied and start crying. Whatever the blunder, he had to go along because Aisaka was a super-epic klutz—and also because he was the only one who knew that truth.

Because of that—because he was worried, because he couldn’t take his eyes off her, because…

Because?

“…Tch.”

As he followed along behind the two, watching them recede down the stairs, his feet came to a sudden stop.

Ryuuji questioned himself anew.

Because. What did that word mean to him, really? So Aisaka was a klutz, and that worried him, sure. But what he could do about it? Help her? But why?

What kind of relationship did he and Aisaka—no, what right did he have to save Aisaka or do anything else? They were pretending everything up until now hadn’t happened. Aisaka had said they would return to their relationship from before the love letter happened.

That meant he should have also made himself forget about the Aisaka that only he knew. He ought to think about everything from a more realistic perspective and avoid getting sentimental. Even if she messed up trying to confess her love to the guy she liked, what kind of help could he even give her? Would he jump out in front of her and say, “Don’t worry! I’ll protect you!”

Man, what was he thinking? It wasn’t even funny.

His eyebrows scrunched. His eyes narrowed into a terrible squint, glinting perilously. But he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t going out to settle a debt or choke somebody he didn’t like. It wasn’t that… No one would understand, but he wasn’t like that, either.

“Huh,” he breathed out heavily. “…I should go home.”

He put his strength into his feet and changed direction. He turned his back to the two of them as they left and returned to the after-school classroom. Although no one noticed, it seemed the back he turned on them had grown by several centimeters over the previous few days.

Noto, as well as Haruta—who had come to speak to him lately—invited him to go somewhere, but he rejected them and went back to his seat. For some reason, he couldn’t put himself at ease. He couldn’t work up the will to hang out with friends before going home. Yet, he didn’t feel like going straight home, either, so he decided to head out on his own and stop by a bookstore.

Once he finished getting ready to leave, he started walking down the hallway to visit the bathroom. He passed by someone who had just finished wiping his hands. They left, leaving Ryuuji alone by himself. The empty bathroom returned to cold silence. Only the fragrance of an especially strong air freshener tickled his nose.

Once he finished, he headed to the sink, washed his hands, and glanced at his face inside the mirror. It wasn’t any different from usual—it was still his customary, humorless expression. It wasn’t a reflection he would suddenly start admiring. Really, he’d grown tired of it. Because of that…really, no matter what he did…

The focus of Ryuuji’s thoughts weren’t on his face. He thought about something else entirely. He mulled it over.

“…She made such a ridiculous expression…”

He was thinking about the Palmtop Tiger. Somewhere, right at that moment, she was giving it her all.

That whole day, during class and at their breaks, Ryuuji had obliquely stolen glances to see how Aisaka was doing. With the passage of time, Aisaka’s face went through a bewildering evolution of colors. Just earlier in the middle of homeroom, it had looked exactly like a Noh mask. It had gone past red and blue to stark white.

She was going to be confessing, so it would have been better if her face had been cute. She really was such an awkward person.

And speaking of awkward—that morning’s commotion. She had rampaged through the classroom, even turning that ferocious expression on Minori. Actually, it was probably exactly because it was Minori that she’d used such a grim look.

In other words, Aisaka had caused all that chaos for him—for Ryuuji and his unrequited love for Minori. She had done it so that Minori wouldn’t misinterpret his intentions. Aisaka’s rampage must have been entirely for that purpose.

Now that he thought of it, Aisaka had never made such a commotion over him before. Which meant she must have done it to fix Kitamura’s misunderstanding of her, as well. But Kitamura hadn’t been there that morning when Aisaka had been rampaging.

In other words, it had been genuine. For Ryuuji, Aisaka had…

“…Really, now…”

With a sigh, the words escaped him. Awkward, stupid, a klutz…those words couldn’t properly convey what she was.

She didn’t have to do anything like that. There were better ways she could have gone about it. Instead, she’d used the most disastrous method available. She really was—to a pitiful extent—a kind person. In his heart of hearts, he really believed that. Aisaka was a genuinely kind girl. The word seemed laughably ill-suited for the Palmtop Tiger, but he couldn’t help but believe it.

She had told Ryuuji that he was kind, and then cried that she couldn’t be kind to others—but she was the kindest of girls. You wouldn’t know it unless you were by her side, but it was definitely the truth. Maybe it didn’t mean much, but it was true for Ryuuji.

“Whoa!”

At the sudden voice, he snapped around. A guy had come into the bathroom from another class, but froze with a yell on his face when he saw Ryuuji looking at him in surprise.

The guy stepped back and shouted, “Uh, sorry for causing you trouble!!” and left. It seemed he had been startled by the unexpected sharpness of the gaze Ryuuji turned on him. By reputation only, he was still feared on the same level as the Palmtop Tiger.

In the hallway, people were now surely spreading word that Takasu had holed himself up in the bathroom, that it was dangerous to go in. That meant no one would come in for a while. The situation perfectly fit his delicate mood; he didn’t want to see anyone.

As obsessed with cleanliness as ever, Ryuuji went into the back to fling open the window, figuring that if no one was coming in for a while, he might as well let in the breeze. Humidity contributed to bad odor, after all.

He turned the latch, opened the window—and then froze.

“Kitamura-kun! Kitamura-kun, I… Kitamura-kun I… Um… Well…”

“…What?!” Ryuuji muttered and held his head, still motinoless. This can’t be a hallucination and, uhhh, that means…

He was hearing Aisaka’s voice perfectly, clearly—completely.

The men’s restroom was on the second floor, as the restroom on the first floor was for guests. Outside the school building—or rather, between the restroom window and a stand of trees—there was a clearing. Still finding it hard to believe, Ryuuji looked down. His last hopes of being somehow mistaken were crushed.

In that indiscreet location, Aisaka and Kitamura stood together. If they had put even a little thought into it, they would’ve realized that they could be overheard by anyone using the toilet.

“Of all the places…why would you ever choose the place behind the bathrooms…?” Ryuuji said under his breath.

What a klutz.

Still clutching his head, Ryuuji gave a low moan. He slid down to sit beneath the window. The place was deserted, but the reason why…was, frankly, because of the smell.

He crouched underneath the window he’d flung open and buried his head in his knees until he no longer had air to breathe. In the end, Aisaka really was a klutz. First of all, if someone else had come here and opened the window like him—then what would have happened? The sight of the two of them would have most likely been completely out in the open, and there would have been nothing they could do about it.

For that very reason, Ryuuji decided to stay where he was for the time being. If someone came, he would glare horribly at them and make them leave. He’d serve as a guard, just like that.

First, however, he would close the window so that their voices wouldn’t reach his ears, either. That in mind, he started to get up.

“Wait a second.” It was Kitamura.

At the sound of his voice, Ryuuji found himself unable to move.

“I think I more or less understand where this conversation is going. But it’d be fairly embarrassing for everyone if I misunderstood, so before I hear you out, let me confirm one thing… I’ll just come straight out and say it. You’re dating Takasu, right?”

Ryuuji’s heart jumped with a start. He couldn’t just go around eavesdropping—no, eavescrouching. He knew that, but once he heard his own name, he just couldn’t block it from his ears. No, you can’t do this, hurry up and close the window. If not that, then run away…!

 “T-Takasu-kun is…”

He knew he should close the window, but he couldn’t move. Aisaka’s voice, probably so shrill from nervousness, wrapped itself around Ryuuji’s body as though trying to squeeze him.

“Takasu-kun is, is… is, is… is…”

She couldn’t get past “is.”

You idiot, what are you doing? What are you hesitating for? You have to deny it, don’t you—what do you think you’re standing around the back of the restrooms for…?! Ryuuji shouted inside his head, still crouched, unable to make a sound, in pure agony. But Aisaka couldn’t continue.

The silence just piled on. In the end, she couldn’t even say “is” anymore. If Kitamura were a normal guy, this would be the point where the tension got the better of him, and he’d say, “Well, if you’ve got nothing else to say, I guess we’re done here.” Even Kitamura—no, actually, Kitamura was much busier than the average guy. Surely, if it continued like this, he would leave. Without knowing what Aisaka’s feelings were, Kitamura would leave.

Hurry up and say it. You have to! Ryuuji gripped his hands together hard and gritted his back teeth. He forgot to breathe, yet Aisaka couldn’t bring herself to make a sound. The silence seemed like it lasted an eternity, getting heavier and heavier.

It might have been impossible for her from the start. Confessing her love for someone she couldn’t even call out to in class might have been a rash plan. That was it, then. Closing his eyes, Ryuuji gave up.

But just as he did, Aisaka said, “What happened with Takasu-kun was just a misunderstanding by Minorin! Kitamura-kun, I…”

The wind blew.

“…I like you…”

…Ah.

Gradually, the strength left his legs. His butt almost reached the floor, but he saved himself from reaching that dangerous destination.

Ryuuji’s breath stopped again. He felt like some sound might escape him, so he kept his lips firmly closed. Eventually, he held his mouth shut with both hands. You’re amazing. The words surged through his heart, over and over.

Kitamura was someone Aisaka couldn’t even talk to and she had been about as nervous as could be—yet she had still confessed. She’d told Kitamura her feelings. Ryuuji didn’t think he could ever do something like that. Even if someone told him to confess to Minori in just the same way, he doubted he would have gone through with it. He had cheered Aisaka on irresponsibly, but what Aisaka was doing right that moment was impossible for him. He could never be that straightforward.

The words continued to vibrate in his chest. Even though Ryuuji wasn’t part of the scene that was transpiring, Aisaka’s determination and courage pierced through his heart like a light. Surely her feelings had pierced straight through Kitamura’s heart, as well. They must have—and then swept him away. It must have transported him somewhere.

Yes, that was how it should be. If he had any heart at all, it must have been moved. Everything was going the way it was supposed to.

Ryuuji felt as though something had been stolen from him, but surely he was mistaken.

“So, you like me,” Kitamura said, “and the stuff about Takasu was all a misunderstanding. So, Kushieda’s impression of you and Takasu…was just a misconception…?”

“…That’s right. No matter what I said, Minorin wouldn’t believe me, so…”

As if thinking things over, Kitamura paused. Eventually he seemed to come to an understanding.

“I see. In that case, allow me to apologize. It seems I had completely the wrong idea. Kushieda’s really strong-willed, too. I understand. Yes, I understand completely.”

“…Yeah.”

Kitamura’s voice was gentle.

Aisaka’s voice, even now, was so hoarse it sounded like it might disappear.

And finally, there was Ryuuji’s breathing, as he held his hands to his mouth to keep from making noise.

All three sounds quietly and slowly crossed through the empty men’s restroom. Ryuuji’s surroundings vibrated with the gentle noise as he crouched there alone, trying to muffle any sound he might make.

He tried to shake off the feeling of vibration that continued to resonate in his chest and breathing. He shook it off and stood up, but as he tried to close the window and go home, Aisaka burst out, saying, “B-b-b-but! But you see!”

Outside the window, her voice was high and jumpy.

“But, it’s not like I dislike Takasu-kun!” she said. “He’s not that bad at all! When I’m with him, it’s easier to breathe! Well, it’s always hard for me to breathe, but…even though I thought that…Takasu-kun… Ryuuji always makes me the best fried rice! Whenever I need someone, he’s always there for me! Even when I lied to him, he made me feel better! I want to be with him as much as I can! I even wish he were here right now! Without Ryuuji, I almost feel torn, I almost hurt, because Ryuuji…I always, always—even now! Because he would always be there! It’s because of him that I can do this now…!”

Dumbfounded, Ryuuji’s whole body was frozen.

What are you doing? Just what kind of mess are you making now?

Even now, she sounded like she was about to start crying. What was she doing making pronouncements like that? Aisaka…

“…I’ll never stop liking him, not ever. To me, Ryuuji is… Ryuuji is…”

That’s almost like—almost exactly as though—

“I see.”

He heard Kitamura’s voice, which seemed to have a smile in it.

“That’s fine. I think I understand how you feel, Aisaka. Anyway…if the truth is that you’ve gotten closer to Takasu, that’s okay. Honestly, I’m relieved to hear it.”

“R… relieved…?”

“Yeah. Do you remember? I confessed to you myself, just about a year ago. I said…you’re beautiful, and I like your straightforward personality and the way you don’t hide your anger! I dig it!”

No one ever told me anything about that! Ryuuji’s eyes opened wide. Astonishment overflowed him as he stood there, but Aisaka said nothing. The only one who was so surprised that his legs turned to jelly was Ryuuji. He was the only one who hadn’t known.

“And, well, right after, you turned me down in one second flat.”

“…I remember. It’s not like I’d forget. I’ve heard a lot of confessions, but that was definitely the weirdest. Since then, whenever you came to my class to talk to Minorin about club stuff, I always recognized you… I remembered.”

“Is that so? You gave me the cold shoulder so hard, I thought you didn’t even remember what happened. Back then, I told you how I felt because I thought you were beautiful—but since you’ve known Takasu, you’ve grown even more charming. It’s like…you’re able to put on a funny face, now.”

“A-a funny face? Me?”

“That’s right. Whenever you’re with Takasu, you always make really happy faces. So, I was relieved. Takasu is a really great guy. And Aisaka, I think that the way you think of him really makes you a lovely girl.”

It seemed that Kitamura was smiling brightly. And then…

“…Wh-what did I just say?!”

He heard the sound of Aisaka’s shout as she realized the mistake she had made.

“Wait, wait a second…what am I saying…? Kitamura-kun, what are you saying?! Ryuuji doesn’t have anything to do with this, um…what?! My face is funny?! No wait…what?! Now hold on a second! Did I tell you that I like you?! Did I actually tell you that?! Uh, but…no way, what’s going on here?! I don’t like it, I don’t like it one bit, what is this?”

On and on she went, becoming more flustered by the moment. Having lost herself, the Palmtop Tiger howled. Anyone other than Kitamura probably would have been in grave danger.

“Aisaka. It’s okay. It’s fine,” he said.

“I-I-I-It’s fine?! What’s fine about this?! I don’t even know what I’m saying! What’s fine about that?!”

“Thanks for the sentiments, really. I’m really happy. I think from here on, we’ll definitely become good friends.”

“Fr… fri…”

Still in a state of panic, Aisaka’s voice seemed no longer able to form words.

“That’s right, friends.”

Friends.

That hadn’t been the relationship Aisaka had asked for. Naturally, Aisaka should have said, No, that’s not what I meant.

That’s what you should say, Ryuuji thought.

But despite that…

“…Friends… You and I…become…”

But even if she should have said it like that, the fact was, she hadn’t. Aisaka couldn’t say, I like you, I want to be your girlfriend, not just your friend. I rejected you once when you confessed, but while I was watching you, I came to like you. I like you now. I want to be your girlfriend.

She still couldn’t say those utterly important words and fix what she’d done.

The Palmtop Tiger, a self-proclaimed queen, withdrew her claws of her own accord. “Yeah.” With that one syllable word, she withdrew one step from that place. She had retreated.

“Well then, see you tomorrow!”

Kitamura’s cheeriness, at best, was filled with a considerateness that never changed, regardless of his mood. At worst, it was the bright voice of someone who couldn’t read the room.

Aisaka recovered from her panic and went back to her normal monotonous way of speaking. “See you tomorrow. Bye.”

And so it went.

Ryuuji slapped his forehead in disappointment. He scratched his head and closed his eyes. He could hear from the retreating voices that the two of them had started walking in different directions. He could only groan.

“…She is the biggest klutz…”

You didn’t get Kitamura to understand.

Just how many tears, smiles, and fears do you have in that heart of yours that Kitamura criticized dead-on? Just how much loneliness, how much of the love you feel for Kitamura—how many frail emotions are you hiding?

And even though it must hurt, just how kind are you? He didn’t understand what you were saying. You didn’t get him to understand you at all.

He braced his feet, which had gone numb from the cold, and slowly started walking.

After saying goodbye and leaving like that, Aisaka had to be somewhere nearby. She would be walking by herself, wearing an expression that said she was completely fine, while hiding a heart no one else knew. And when she turned her back to Kitamura, Ryuuji knew she must have cried with a voice no one else knew, too. With uncertain steps, while no one was looking, she was letting herself cry. He was certain of that.

And so, if he was the only one who knew, a question remained: What was he, Takasu Ryuuji, to do?

 “That’s easy,” he said. 

His response was determined, but he didn’t actually know what he was supposed to do—or at least, his head didn’t. His chest knew, though. And his skin did, too. His bones, his muscles, the body that had spent such a long time with Aisaka—it all knew.

Because of that, as long as he left it up to his body to move him—and didn’t head in the wrong direction—he would be able to go just where he needed to.

He was certain.

***

In twilight, like a certain other time they had walked home together…

“…What is it with you?”

Ryuuji, after some running, finally caught up with Aisaka and grabbed her shoulder. It was a lane in a quiet neighborhood with few passersby.

Aisaka turned around and gave him a dubious expression. She glared at him as he panted, out of breath. 

“Stop it. You’re not my dog anymore, so you don’t need to hang around me.” Her assertion was cold and blunt as she shook off his hand and tried walking ahead. 

 “You’re close to crying,” he said to her back. “You’re probably depressed about your failed confession, aren’t you? I mean…it wasn’t quite a rejection, at least.”

“Tsk!” Leaping back to gain some distance, Aisaka shouted, “Y-you were…spying on us?!”

“…I didn’t do it on purpose, I’ll have you know. It was only because you messed up. Why, of all places, did you make your confession under the men’s restroom? I went in there and happened to hear you.”

Aisaka’s cheeks turned red enough to see under the moonlight. “I-Is that true?!” She spoke falteringly—it seemed, somehow, she really hadn’t known.

“Well, what are you going to do? Do you want to go shopping for dinner? Or maybe, in commemoration of your failed confession, we should go to that family restaurant from yesterday again? I’ll even listen to your whole sob story—but one day only, got it?”

“…Wait. What? What are you saying?”

Aisaka was petrified as she faced Ryuuji. Her large eyes opened wide, as though faced with something unbelievable.

“Now that I think about it, there’s a special on pork today.”

“I-I’m not talking about pork!”

“So, you want beef?”

“Not the beef, either! It’s not that… Why?! What is this?! You’re already…”

“Do you really want to cook by yourself?”

“I just told you! I told you… you can stop, already! We’re through! We’re not doing any of that anymore…”

“I’m staying by your side,” he told her clearly. At a loss for words, Aisaka scowled. Still looking at those eyes, Ryuuji said it again. He spelled it out for her.

“I’m by your side. I’ll cook your meals. Come over, just like always. I’ll make your bento, too, and I’ll come get you in the morning. So…”

“Don’t say it… don’t say that!” Her shriek echoed though the quiet lane. “Do you even understand what you’re saying?! If you do stuff like that, people will get the wrong idea all over again! Minorin still isn’t fully convinced! You really don’t care what Minorin thinks of you?!”

“Not really.” The words came out of his mouth with surprising ease.

“In that case, next time I’ll make a scene. I’ll throw a fit while Kitamura is around, to clear up any misapprehensions.”

“Wh-why are you…?” A tear dripped down her white face.

See, look, Ryuuji thought. She really was crying in a place no one—except me—would see.

“What is it, what’re you…? Why? Why would you do that?! I told you you’re not a dog anymore! So, you don’t need to do that anymore!”

“…I don’t even know, myself. But I want to do it. Because you’ll cry. I can’t just leave you on your own. I can’t help but worry about whether you’re hungry. I’m the compulsively kind Ryuuji-kun, remember?”

“Wh-what’s with you?!” Aisaka glared at Ryuuji through her tears, with eyes that had a strong light in them.

“Who asked you to do that?! I’m not a kid, so leave me alone! I don’t want you to worry about me or anything!”

“Ohh, is that right?” Ryuuji countered.

Finally, his brain understood what the rest of him already knew.

The reason why he wanted to be by Aisaka’s side.

The reason why he couldn’t help but worry. Why he couldn’t leave her alone.

“And I’m not going to be your dog anymore, all right? I’m going to stand beside you, side by side.”

“…What?!”

“A dog can’t actually stand by you.”

He wasn’t a dog. A dog was all wrong.

A dog came when it was called, but a tiger wouldn’t call on anyone. It wouldn’t ask for help from anyone; it was a tiger. A tiger was just that type of beast.

Because of that, because he was there now, he was no one’s dog.

He might laugh, and maybe someone would laugh at him—but despite that, Ryuuji continued. Now, no matter what happened, he wanted to say it. He wanted to tell Aisaka.

“I’m a dragon. You’re a tiger. Since forever, the only creature strong enough to stand by a tiger has been the dragon. Because of that, I’ll become Ryu—a dragon—and I’ll keep on standing by your side.”

In order to stand beside the Palmtop Tiger, Takasu Ryuuji would become a dragon. He had decided. Even if he were laughed at, even if she made fun of him—but then…

“…Ai…saka…?”

She wasn’t making fun of him. She wasn’t even laughing at him.

The girl before him seemed incapable of even making a sound. She was bracing both her legs as she stood, and her cheeks were wet from tears, as she looked straight up at Ryuuji.

She looked like she could be angry. She looked like she could be sad. She looked like she could be frightened or troubled. And, of course, she looked like she could be surprised.

She was stoppering her small body full of emotions. Like a bomb nearly about to go off, she clenched tight one fist.

“…Tai…ga…”

When he said her name, Aisaka’s—Taiga’s eyelids fluttered, as though she had been flicked.

“Equality is like that, right?” he went on. “You’ll call me Ryuuji. So, I’ll call you Taiga.” Then he said, “That’s fine, right?”

That was when it happened.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” she said. The shadow that lengthened from the base of her feet seemed to suddenly build up in size. It must have been a trick of the eyes, but…

“Just how bold can you get?! You think you’re good enough to use my first name?! E-equals? Don’t make me laugh! What a shameless display! Understand your place, Ryuuji! You idiot!”

“…Uh…”

Yup, the bomb had gone off.

“Hah, you don’t even understand the first thing about what you’re saying—do you?! If you did, no way could you say things like that! What was that? Oh, I see, you must—”

Like a machine gun, Taiga threw one insult at him after another. Then, suddenly, she closed her mouth. This was it—the most frightening moment. She eyed him with one narrowed and ruthless eye, then approached him from below, trying to make him slip and fall. She would intimidate her opponent with the sheer determination she emitted from her body until they couldn’t move.

This was the Palmtop Tiger’s real power.

“Are you saying you have a crush on me?” she said.

“…Dumba—”

“Hmph, of course not! Not even you would be so stupid to overstep yourself that far, or maybe I should say that you don’t have the guts for it, huh?!”

“…Ah… Uh…” He was so scared he didn’t see the smirk forming on her lips. He returned her glare and desperately tried to shout something. “Of course not!”

Yeah, of course not. If love were the feeling he felt toward Minori, then this was a different emotion.

There was one thing Ryuuji was sure of, though. He wanted to take care of Taiga—this Palmtop Tiger. Even if what he felt was different from love, he wanted to be by her side. While he was next to her, he wanted to become that kind of guy. That was it. And it was enough, right? Was it wrong for him to want that?

“…Damn it!” he said. “We’re going to the supermarket! And we’re buying pork!”

He set out, taking long, resolute strides and huffing with determination.

Their lives would continue on. They had more than enough time. So, this was enough; he had made his mind up. He wasn’t going to think about the hard stuff. Right now, the menu was more important.

“If we find good pork today, how about we make pork shabu shabu?” he said. “Oh, but what about a simple grilled pork…? Hey, why aren’t you coming?!”

He had kept up his brisk pace as he spoke, but upon noticing that Taiga wasn’t following, he made a U-turn.

“Hurry up and come,” he urged her. Naturally, he didn’t take her hand—instead, he just poked her elbow with the corner of his bag.

“Ryuuji…I want a yogurt parfait.”

“Huh? Wh-what, you want to go to the family restaurant instead? Just when I got into the mood for making stuff.”

“After that, we’ll have pork. With fried ginger—no, a stew, of course. Make sure it’s actually creamy.”

“What? Stew is fine, but would we have any room left for it? It’s already five. We always have dinner before six thirty at my house… Hey, don’t ignore me! Why are you walking ahead of me?”

“…Hey. Ryuuji.”

Taiga, who had started walking ahead of him of her own accord, suddenly stopped and turned around. Her transparent gaze passed through him. Involuntarily, he tripped up on his words.

“…What is it, T… Taiga?”

He became flustered again and cast his gaze toward the twilight sky.

“Can’t you shut up for a bit?”

Her terrible words made him doubt his own ears. They bore through him. Before Ryuuji’s eyes, Taiga sighed purposefully.

“Right now, I’m heartbroken. You can at least understand that, right? Aren’t you even a little worried about me? Of course, you’ll help me come up with the next plan, right? Because I’m not giving up on Kitamura-kun after such a small setback! Also, what were you going on about just now? That you’re a dragon? Well, I don’t care whether you’re a dragon or a dog. If you’re gonna stay by me like you said, then you better work just as hard to make me happy.”

Where did those tears from earlier go? he wondered. The Palmtop Tiger really was the Palmtop Tiger. She toyed with his heart like it was nothing, with spiteful words and a tormenting gaze.

Just how sharp were those claws and teeth of hers? She was bad-tempered, ferocious—just how far would this palmtop-sized, man-eating tiger go to get her way?

Moreover, what kind of fate awaited the one who claimed he would stick beside her?

“M… maybe I acted rashly…” Without thinking, Ryuuji raised his voice and groaned. He stood there, motionless. It was possible he had just made a mistake. He remained in that spot, deep in thought, with both his eyes firmly closed—and because of that, he missed it.

A bit farther off, Taiga was watching Ryuuji. Then, she looked down and smiled.

“…He called me ‘Taiga’…”

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, until finally, like the cooing of a diminutive dove, a laugh transformed her unseen face.

Even to this day, no one in the world has seen it.

END