Toradora! - Volume 10 - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Ryuuji thought he heard the faint creak of the guest room door one over from his, he crawled out from under the blankets he was half-buried in. He opened the door slightly, trying not to make a sound as he did. He got on his knees and poked his head out into the hall, where the cold felt so dense that a layer of it seemed to have sunk to the ground.

Taiga was looking at him in the same pose. She must have been waiting for his door to open.

“It’s cold, huh? I couldn’t sleep,” she whispered.

“Are you using the heater? I’ve got a stove in here.”

“I turned it on…but I’m dealing with this. I just kept feeling colder and colder.” Taiga shrugged her shoulders slightly and showed him her long, combed-out hair. Just looking at it, Ryuuji could tell it was still damp. It seemed she hadn’t dried it properly after getting out of the bath.

“I borrowed their dryer, but my hair takes so long to dry, and I didn’t want to just keep the bathroom occupied, so I just stopped partway through.”

“You had three helpings at dinner, and now you’re worried about the small things…”

“I am. I’m a good person, deep down…”

He ignored Taiga as she grabbed her damp hair in her crossed hands and half-closed her hollow eyes, posing like a certain saint. Ryuuji turned his ear to the situation on the first floor. It seemed Yasuko was still with Sonoko and Seiji in the living room. He occasionally heard fragments of their soft voices. They sounded like pinballs bouncing in the dead of night, and he couldn’t make out the contents of their conversation.

“I wonder what they’re talking about.”

Taiga went into a brief silence as she also surveyed the bottom of the stairs. “I’m sure they have tons to talk about. I mean, it has been eighteen years.”

“You saw Yasuko’s face when we told her we’d go to bed early—”

“Nah ha.” Unable to bear it, Taiga’s nose flared as she laughed. The corners of Ryuuji’s mouth also twitched uncontrollably.

Whaaat, you’re going to bed… Maybe I’ll go upstairs with you… I feel like they’re going to yell at me again… Ahhh, Dad’s going way overboard with whatever he’s got prepared for me… Yasuko’s face had tensed as she saw Seiji holding a five-iron. I’m going to pass judgment on my idiot daughter with the power of my own hands and property liability law! 

This was, of course, not what Seiji was doing—he was merely cleaning up the living room where he’d left out the golf club.

“You know, I noticed a while ago that you and Ya-chan kind of look alike, but you’re kind of like your grandfather, too. Maybe that’s how you’ll look in the future? Good for you. By that, I mean his head.” Looked pretty thick, Taiga indicated at the top of her head with her finger.

“I’d like that… You think so? Also, Yasuko and I don’t look anything like each other.”

“I’m saying you’re unexpectedly similar. Well, except you’ve got that as a foundation for your face—”

Taiga suddenly stopped talking. Her soft smile went taut, and she peered into Ryuuji’s face like she was asking whether what she just said was allowed. It’s fine, Ryuuji said with the flicker of his eyes. When he did that, the tone of Taiga’s voice started to go up as she went on, “But you still don’t know much about your dad, in the end.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Are you okay with that? Like, do you want to know about him?”

“I’m curious.”

Ryuuji squatted down in the doorway in his borrowed pajamas and hugged his knees, entrusting his back to the door joint. He was careful to lower his voice to keep it from reaching downstairs.

“I do wonder why the two people in that picture split up after they left this house. But…I feel like my dad not being here happened because of Yasuko’s choice… It’d be different if she still wanted to see him and were searching for him. But she isn’t.”

Maybe in a few years he would be able to ask Yasuko why that person hadn’t stayed by her side this whole time. He looked over at Taiga’s toes as she sat down in the same way as him in the hallway. Ryuuji supported his chilly chin with the backs of his crossed hands.

A toddler like himself wasn’t ready to understand his father’s choice or his mother’s choice. For now, all he could do was accept the present truth in its entirety.

But in the world he imagined, Ryuuji’s father was at Ryuuji’s table. He looked the same as he did eighteen years ago, just the same as when Ryuuji lost him, but he still at least existed. Ryuuji couldn’t pretend he hadn’t ever existed, so instead, he simply acknowledged the truth that he was still alive.

Basically, acknowledging that means acknowledging myself, Ryuuji thought. He raised his eyes and looked into Taiga’s pale face. Taiga’s long hair drooped all the way to the floor, and she curled up with her cheek pressed into her knees. An intense light shone from the large eyes she turned towards Ryuuji.

“Can you really keep yourself from holding a grudge…against Ya-chan…or your dad?” Her voice was quiet, but it was clear as it reached Ryuuji’s ears. It grazed his ears softly; then the words disappeared, like they had dissolved.

Their sighs layered over each other in the chill of the evening.

“I’ve been thinking it over a lot.”

Ryuuji had been keeping count of the unavoidable scars he collected on his being. He thought about the ones from dealing with money and going to college. The ones from thinking of the future. The ones from the people who’d been cruel to him as a child. The ones from when the eyes of the adults looking at him turned cautious when they found out the circumstances of Ryuuji’s birth or what Yasuko’s job was, and the ones from when he realized what those adults thought of him. He thought of the absolutely unforgivable rumors—he thought back on every scar, taking stock of them.

Some were already healed. Some hadn’t. There were some that were still bleeding, some that were absurd, and some where there was nothing to be done but accept them. Of course, there were some that weren’t related to his mother or father or how he was born. There were scars no one had meant to inflict, which had only been born from misunderstood feelings. 

He chose the dwelling place of his own soul, but he couldn’t move the multitude of other people’s souls in this world. There were people who intentionally wanted to hurt others and times he couldn’t avoid them. That’s reality. That’s how people are, he thought. And because he himself was a person living in reality, no matter how careful he was, there might be times when he involuntarily hurt others. 

“But well…you’re here with me, at least.”

“Me? Really?”

He nodded and then went silent for a bit. Taiga looked at Ryuuji’s face and buried her own in her knees as she hugged them. Her eyes were strange, like she wanted to laugh and cry, as she traced her soft, rosy lips with her fingertip.

“You think that much of me?”

I do, Ryuuji thought to himself. He had only one thing that kept him from becoming disheartened—one thing that kept him going, regardless of how hard or far away it was to get to the place he was going.

There was something in the depths of Ryuuji’s soul that carried his body and mind through the harshness of reality. It was like a pair of eyes that saw him for what he was: someone who loved and was loved. He vowed he would never betray it. He would learn how to live in the place he was by looking through those eyes that established his being, his actions, and his emotions in his heart.

He believed that what he saw with those eyes was his own world.

He also believed that there existed something similar in Taiga’s heart, which only she could have established. He just wished she could see that.

As they remained sitting in the ever-chilling hallway illuminated by a diminutive light, Taiga didn’t pry any further. Her gaze dropped to the faint shadows cast by Ryuuji’s feet.

“Do you hold a grudge against that guy?” he said. “He just did as he pleased and turned your life upside down. Then there’s your birth mother, your stepmother, and your mom’s new spouse…and you’re getting a new baby sister or brother. You’re the one who’s got it complicated. What are you thinking?”

“I—”

Ryuuji felt like he was praying as he watched those suddenly silent lips. But Taiga’s eyes wavered as she looked into the distance. She was looking at something all on her own. She raised her well-defined chin, and her eyes seemed to glitter, defying the world spread before her head-on.

What was she looking at? How vast was the vision she saw? What stars shone in her world? What seasons graced it? What winds blew on it? He wanted to know. Ryuuji wanted to see it. He wanted to stand in the same place. He wanted to exist beside her.

Born into separate bodies, their two divided souls would never become one. Regardless of that, he still wanted to know what he could do to be as close to her as he could. 

“Can we head in there? Stoves are better.” As if to answer Ryuuji’s question, Taiga returned her gaze to Ryuuji. She rubbed her hands together and breathed warm air onto them. Haah. “It’s way too cold,” her voice trembled.

“Right. Go turn off the heater.”

Taiga briefly vanished into the dark room. Beep. The faint sound of the heater being turned off came to Ryuuji’s ears. The chilly floorboards of the hallway might have been too cold for bare feet. As Taiga softened her footsteps, she kept to the tips of her toes and hop-slipped into the room prepared for Ryuuji and Yasuko. Finally, she gently shut the door.

“Aah, this room is definitely warmer…” Her shoulders relaxed as she exhaled. She took a breath of warm air in the room illuminated only by the orange stove. “You better not look over here.”

She clutched at the chest of her borrowed pajamas, folding them in like she was collapsing a folding fan, curved her waist oddly, and tilted her head. Are you somebody’s chambermaid or something? Ryuuji wanted to tease her, but instead just asked, “Why?”

“It’s because this is definitely too big. The chest is baggy, and that’s bugging me.”

“Ah, that’s too bad, what a pity. Cheer up and dry your hair by the stove.”

“I don’t know why, but you’re kind of irritating, and I can’t make a big deal about it, or they’ll hear downstairs. I’ll let it go, but I’m not forgetting this—I’ll never forget.”

Taiga glared at Ryuuji. She was still clutching tightly at her chest with both hands as she cut through the room. She sat down cozily in front of the stove that was separated slightly from the side-by-side bedding laid out for Ryuuji and Yasuko. She held her hands out to the heat source that emitted a strong orange light in the otherwise unlit room. “Ahh, I feel like I’m coming back to life…but I still haven’t forgotten!” She glared at Ryuuji once again.

Just keep staring. Ryuuji defiantly stretched his legs out over his own bed. He stared at his unshapely toenails for a while and exhaled all the air and nerves in his chest. He absolutely wouldn’t be able to get any closer to her that night. Even this far apart in a room behind closed doors, he felt terrified when they just looked at each other. That was why he was glad she was glaring at him.

But in actuality—if he were to say how he actually felt—the sound of her breath reaching his ears was maddening enough to scorch his mind. 

That was because the girl he loved was here.

His heart felt like a roller coaster. All of his senses reacted to the girl immediately before him—to the strands of Taiga’s light, fluttering hair, her delicate shoulders, her ever-so-pale wrist where the roundness of her bones stood out. No matter what he did, his eyes would follow her first. She seemed like she would be gently fragrant, and the left side of the room where Taiga sat was warmer—probably because the stove was there.

Had he ever felt such a strong urge to touch another person before? He just wanted to be closer to Taiga, wanted to know more about Taiga, wanted to share more of his thoughts with her, wanted her to share hers with him. If he had to put it into words, all it amounted to were those desires, but he hadn’t fathomed that those feelings could rage so tempestuously in his body.

But Ryuuji also understood that if he reached out his hand, that would be the end of the end. It was like a cliff he would tumble down to an unknown depth if he missed his footing on even a single step. Did he really want to be pushed off a bridge again, to plunge into icy water that would freeze his heart?

He tried to act natural as he covered his ears. He tried to feign ignorance as he rolled his tense neck to relax it. He averted his eyes and tried to keep his spine from breaking out into frantic shivers. He tried to whistle but stopped himself. They were fine before. Ryuuji just could no longer remember how they passed the time together before. He couldn’t even really remember when “before” was.

In the corner of his vision, Taiga sat in front of the heater, long hair falling in front of her shoulders. She slowly combed it out with her fingers, letting it warm up. The hair brought up by her pale, slender fingers was too soft and immediately spilled from her hands. As Ryuuji watched it, he felt like it was melting honey. The tip of her nose, visible between her bangs and the line of her cheek, was shining, dyed by the color of the fire. 

Just below them, separated by a single layer of floorboards, his mother, grandmother, and grandfather were gathered. On top of that, when Ryuuji looked around the room again, he noticed that it seemed to have been Yasuko’s once. Her furniture, her school uniform still hung up on a hook, her ordinary clothes—it was full of shadows of his mother from the everyday life of her past. 

“Hey.”

“Yeah! Uh! Right!”

“You’re being way too loud… Raise the temp on this. I don’t know how to do it.” Taiga didn’t look at Ryuuji but kept staring at the stove.

Ryuuji moved closer to the stove—and to Taiga. How do I turn it up… I wonder if she’d just let me hold her hand? Or just hug her and caress her back? Even friends would do that, right?

Right. It would be fine as long as he stopped there—as long as he could get by without seeming like a stupid, presumptuous jerk. It would be fine as long as touching her was really all he wanted. If his desire to understand her could be fulfilled by physical contact—by only that—it would be enough for him then.

He reached out his hand.

“This is it. I think.”

Ryuuji pushed a simple button that was marked with an upward pointing triangle. Beep, beep. It chirped the number of times he pushed, and the glass tube glowed brighter. The warmth he felt on his skin abruptly increased.

“Is it too strong?”

“That’s fine. Yeah, it’s nice and warm…”

“Make sure you don’t burn your hair.”

“There’s no way even I would do something that clumsy…huh?” Taiga suddenly grabbed the tips of her hair and brought them to her nose. She gave them a sniff. “There’s no way I’d do something like that.”

Hmph! She was oddly confident. She puffed out her chest beside him and brought her face closer to him.

“Don’t get too close.” Ryuuji scowled until his face split open to birth an alien larva—not really. He was just trying to look menacing. As Taiga drew closer, he bent his back away to the same degree to avoid her. He made sure they were an exact thirty centimeters apart.

“What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Why would you say something like that?” Taiga demanded.

Even if he touched her, it wouldn’t be enough—but, of course, he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t tell her it was because his mom was just below them, either. In the end, no matter what they did, it wouldn’t be enough. He was insatiably starved of Taiga.

It wasn’t enough.

No matter what happened, it just wouldn’t be enough. It just wasn’t.

There just wasn’t enough time to know her and love her in every way. A day was made up of merely twenty-four hours, a year of only three hundred sixty-five days, and a lifetime was just barely eighty years long. Even this night would only last for a few more hours. Ryuuji was just a kid. He didn’t have enough of anything. All he could do was writhe helplessly as he yearned and starved. 

“It doesn’t matter what happens or how it happens, but this line is the border between you and me.” He traced the seam of the carpet exactly between where the two of them were sitting. You better not cross! He tried to make his face look like that of an old mountain witch.

“What happens if I cross that line?”

“There’s an invisible sentinel with a gun, and it’ll blast your brains out of your head.”

“That’s not what I meant… What would happen?”

Taiga stared at the ends of the hair that she had combed up with her fingertips. Her long eyelashes cast a shadow along the side of her face, and his heart quaked as though he had been kicked hard. How are you so calm about this? Ryuuji thought, on the verge of detesting her. 

Maybe, in the end, she hadn’t really understood anything. Maybe she still felt the same as when she fell defenselessly asleep in that two-bedroom apartment, when they had been part of adjoining lands?

“Well…it’s not like I’m going to cross over anyway.” Taiga said.

If that really was true, then what could he do?

“But if I really wanted to cross over,” she continued. “If I made up my mind…you wouldn’t be able to get away, even if you were crying or screaming.”

“You…” …You jerk, no, you devil, no, you Palmtop Tiger!

“But you know what, having my head blown off by an invisible sentinel would kind of be a problem. I’d feel bad making you clean up my brains, too…right?”

“…”

He couldn’t bring himself to respond. His innocent male heart was overwhelmed, leaping under Taiga’s seemingly teasing gaze. It felt like he was being forced to tap-dance barefoot on a griddle. Ryuuji glared even more firmly at Taiga, who was fanning the flames that heated the griddle as she directed him to Dance! Dance!

“What? What’s with that face? What do you want to say?” She sat slovenly cross-legged, putting together the undersides of her feet. Taiga rocked her body like she was a tumbler doll that could never be knocked down. She opened her eyes purposefully wide and pouted. “I have no idea what you want to say. Aren’t I a terrible fee-fwee-fiancée?” 

Because he couldn’t achieve victory through words, Ryuuji resorted to launching a missile. He pushed a hand to his lips in a masculine way and blew a kiss, like a black mamba darting from the gap between his front teeth to spray lethal, deadly poison into Taiga’s eyes—though of course he wasn’t doing that. He was just trying to return the weird kisses she had blown at him earlier. 

I don’t care if my mom or anybody else is downstairs, I can at least do this! Go! Go! One kiss for five thousand yen! Ryuuji clenched his fist.

“That’s all you got?! To my eyes, it looks like it’s going so slow it just stopped!” Taiga slapped the invisible kiss in midair as though crushing a mosquito.

“Oh! Y-you’re so cruel…!”

“‘Oh! Y-you’re sooo cruel…!’” she mimicked.

“I didn’t sound like that…”

“Actually, who knew you were such a shallow guy…” Taiga spitefully kept her jaw jutted out and spread her arms wide in exasperation. She shook her head, clearly resigned.

“What?!”

“I can’t believe you’d try to give me an air kiss. My, oh my… I can’t believe you’d do something that embarrassing…”

“Hey…you’re the one! Who did it first! Well, it doesn’t matter anymore…” When he couldn’t get his mouth to move the way he wanted it to, Ryuuji turned his eyes away from Taiga’s face. “I’m going to bed,” he said curtly and actually pulled the covers over his head, with his back facing her. He closed his eyes.

“Oh dear. Now he’s angry. Look at him pouting, even though I was just teasing.”

“…”

“Ryuuji. Ryuuuuuji.”

“…”

“Ryuu-chan.”

“Stop that.”

“But you know what, didn’t things go great for Ya-chan?”

“…”

“And for you…too.”

Ryuuji kept his eyes stubbornly closed as he drew away from Taiga’s breathing at his feet.

“Things went great for me, too. I think I’m better off. I think so, at least. Ya-chan even thanked me…and I’m sure, when it comes to you, Ryuuji…” Her voice seemed to tremble faintly. The edges of it were growing hazy. “Are you really going to just sleep?”

Ryuuji’s only answer was silence.

“I guess it’s fine if you do. My hair is dry, and I’m warmed up now…so I guess it’s fine.”

He felt Taiga get up and then felt her step on the edge of his bedding. He automatically followed the sound of her receding footsteps. He opened his eyes and raised his head, his body following suit.

THUMP!

“Agh?!” Ryuuji swallowed his breath at the sudden assault.

“Sleeping people aren’t supposed to move.”

“Even if they’re not, you… Th-that hurts…!”

“You’re not allowed to talk, either.”

Ryuuji flailed his arms and legs, and choked, pinned solidly under the bedcover as he tried to grasp what was happening. Taiga had pounced right on top of him and was holding him down with all her body weight. It was a picture-perfect vertical four-quarter hold, and his head was buried under his blanket to boot.

“You can’t run away. Because you’re sleeping,” Taiga whispered in a faint voice that could have been mistaken for a sigh.

He really couldn’t move. He couldn’t run away. Taiga probably only weighed forty kilograms, but she was using all of it to hold Ryuuji down, and she wasn’t letting go. “When it comes to you, Ryuuji…I really, really, reallyreallyreally, really—”

They had been born into separate bodies.

No matter what they did, their two souls would never become one.

“—love you.”

But regardless of that, in order to be as close as they could, they would—

She pulled down the covers that were over his face, and her soft hair tangled and fell to Ryuuji’s cheek. Their foreheads crashed into each other. As if feeling out the roundness of their heads, their eyebrows rubbed against each other. The tips of their noses pressed against each other, and their quiet sighs piled onto each other. Before long, they were separated just by the smell of shampoo as their hot lips touched. All of Taiga’s weight was on Ryuuji’s lips. It was much warmer than the first time, and much slower. Ryuuji barely got himself together before he melted from the heat of love. He desperately opened his eyes.

I love you, too. I love you, Taiga, he repeated.

He wanted to wriggle and leap up. He wanted to run through the lands on all four legs like a beast. He wanted to live one and the same life as her. But all they could do was draw their separate bodies close, all they could do was touch, and it was just too frustrating to stand. 

It was precisely because they were separate and could never become one that they were drawn so strongly to each other. Even as they clawed at the air and cried out and suffered, they held each other firmly. They hungered for the world they wanted to make together, and their eyes opened wider.

Time and life were finite and too short, and their hopes were so far removed they knew nothing but impatience.

“But you’re actually going to sleep now.”

But they were also rapidly growing up. Time progressed and, once passed, would never return. “Now” was becoming the past.

Taiga’s fingertips touched his eyelids. He could feel her ever-trembling heart. As she trembled, she closed Ryuuji’s eyes and held down his eyelashes.

“I’m going to sleep, too. Good night.”

It wasn’t like he would be able to sleep.

—It wasn’t like he would be able to sleep.

***

He didn’t open his eyes.

It was cold—extremely cold—in what was probably the last morning of midwinter, when it seemed even the sun couldn’t rise. Ryuuji had enclosed his feet under the covers that his body heat warmed overnight. He lay on his side, both his hands covering his eyes. He was sure the bedding beside him was mounded up from Yasuko being under the covers.

He could tell by the sound and the feeling of her presence that Taiga was standing in the doorway after gently opening the door. He knew the faint clinks were from the metal fittings of the bag she had slung across her body.

Ryuuji, Taiga called his name in a small voice like she was scared.

Ryuuji didn’t move.

Ryuuji, she called one more time. She waited just a bit and then clearly called him again. When Ryuuji didn’t move the third time she called his name, Taiga seemed to accept it. “Well, I’m headed out for a bit.”

The floorboards squeaked faintly. Quietly, she closed the door. Slowly, she went down the stairs. She placed her shoes on the entryway tile. She stuck her feet into them and opened the door.

She opened the gate.

Ryuuji thought to himself that it was fine this way.

This town really was quiet. For a while, he could hear the sound of footsteps traveling under a chilly sky. At first, those footsteps seemed bewildered, but before long, he heard them gain their usual cadence until, in the end, they were outright running. The sound of the soles of her shoes firmly hitting the asphalt rang out and receded into the distance.

Her footsteps faded away.

Ryuuji remained immobile in his bed. He still had his eyes closed.

“A-are you—” Yasuko was the first to fling off her covers and get up. “Ryuu-chan! Are you actually, really fine with this…?”

This is fine—was what he wanted to say. But he couldn’t. Though Ryuuji knew it was fine this way, he couldn’t open his eyes.

Taiga needed to go back to her parents.

That was because Taiga loved them.

She didn’t need to run away from home.

Taiga had shown she didn’t need her parents by cutting them out. If she exposed herself to love, she would break, and because she found that frightening, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to seek it out until now. Taiga cried because the amount of love she received was nothing compared to the love she gave. Taiga didn’t believe she was allowed to dream big. She was bound by the fear that something would be taken from her in exchange for the crime of wanting the love she was not allowed.

But now things were different.

Taiga’s arms and legs were free. Now that she was released, she could run anywhere she wanted.

She should understand that, no matter what she loved or whom she loved, nothing would be taken from her. Taiga should know now, that her heart was free to love. She could love the world she lived in with all her heart and, more than anyone, she could love herself. She didn’t need to abandon anything or have anything taken from her.

That was why this was—

“Ryuu-chan…!”

This was fine. He really did understand it all.

Ryuuji sat up in bed so he could answer Yasuko this time. He opened his eyes, breathed in, and raised his head. Then he saw the world.

He realized that Taiga was gone. In that winter morning, in a room lined with nothing but objects, he realized he was sitting in the middle of that reality. He tried to say it was fine.

“I think—”

But.

He was alone in this world.

Ryuuji was living—all alone.

Taiga wasn’t there.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t yell anything. He felt smashed to pieces. He felt like he had exploded. Sparks fired on the insides of his eyelids and absurd thoughts ran through his mind. His heart was pounding with a terrific amount of energy. Aaah, he groaned. Everything really is going to break. This won’t work, this is…it’s…it’s—

“Ryuu-chan!”

When Yasuko firmly grabbed his shoulders, he looked into her face. It was bright red, and tears dribbled down her face. Her hair was standing on end as fragments of her broken world came down on her from all directions, and she trembled like she was about to explode from the feelings erupting in her—Ryuuji thought, looking at her, that this had to be what his own face looked like.

No.

He kicked off the bedcovers and dashed outside.

Still in his pajamas, he nearly tumbled down the stairs. Still barefoot, he jumped out of the entryway, pushing open the door Taiga had left through. He flew through the gate into the outside world. He plunged into his new solitude on his own.

There was no one in the street as he looked around—just himself. Ryuuji frantically covered his mouth with his shaking hands. Unable to bear the words he was about to say and the name he was about to call out, he bit his lip as hard as he could. The bone-chilling wind blew against him, tearing into his skin. The midwinter sun still hadn’t risen all the way, and the sky was heavy and oppressive as it embraced the cold.

His body started to run. His heart also started to race. His soul was screaming at him not to go. He tried to stop his body. He couldn’t stop his heart. It was too late to stop. 

He understood it, he really did, but his heart was calling madly for Taiga. It yearned and yelled for their worlds to join. Are you really going to leave, Taiga? Are you really going to shake free from this intense power and run?

Was she able to keep moving because, no matter how far she ran, she knew their worlds would come back together at some point?

Had she really found the power and the confidence to believe that?

Ryuuji wiped away the tears flowing down his face. He already knew he wouldn’t be able to catch up to her. This is fine. He told himself that, but his feet kept moving even as his stolen heart continued to weep. Taiga was no longer in this town. He couldn’t catch up with her anymore.

He knew he should have the same power and belief she did. He knew he should be able to accept everything in his world, and to love Taiga, and for her to love him.

It was cold. In the early morning of that quiet town, Ryuuji’s white breath leapt into the air.

***

Ryuuji kept a slight distance from Yasuko as he passed through the empty ticket gate. It was a Sunday.

“Kushieda…”

His chest, which had somehow settled as they made their way home, was roused again. Minori stood behind the few people milling about the station. She’d covered her bedhead with a knit cap and was wearing a down coat and jeans.

“I don’t understand.” Once she spotted Ryuuji, that was all she said. After she mumbled just those words, she bit her lips so hard they lost their color. 

Faced with her unmoving and wide-open eyes, Ryuuji didn’t know what to say. When he thought about explaining to Minori why Taiga left, why he’d let her go, and why it was for the best that way, he felt himself quail. Minori would probably understand, but he was tongue-tied and knew his explanation would end up being clumsy.

Ami was standing a short distance from Minori, looking like she hadn’t gotten much sleep. She stuck both her hands in her coat pockets, and her back was uncharacteristically hunched. Even her normally beautiful face looked ashen. Further away, Kitamura was walking towards them. Though he didn’t look at all like he was blaming him, there was clear confusion in his eyes as he looked at Ryuuji, who was the only one in his school uniform.

The only thing Ryuuji had been able to write in the message he sent them was that Taiga had gone back to her mother. No wonder they were confused. Taiga had promised them she wouldn’t give up on loving everyone. She and Ryuuji had promised they would return together. 

“You’re all friends,” Yasuko murmured softly. She knew the faces of everyone there. She took a bunch of keys from her tracksuit pocket, unlinked the condo key that Taiga left with her, and held it out to Ryuuji. “You should all go and look for Taiga-chan. I need to go get Inko-chan.”

“Who did you leave Inko-chan with?”

“With the landlady.”

Then we’re going the same way, Ryuuji started to say, but Yasuko smiled and waved her hand at them, “Off you go.” She probably understood that Ryuuji would have to tell his friends that Taiga was no longer there. 

He accepted the key and lifted his head.

At no one’s prompting, he started to walk.

He walked with long strides down the familiar station road, and before long, everyone started running like they were racing each other. Even Ryuuji, who knew that Taiga was no longer in their town, hastened his legs as his heart quickened. They turned the corner that led to the Takasus’ apartment, ran up the stairs, went through the condo entrance, and punched in the PIN to open the auto-locking door. Taiga said the condo had long been out of the hands of the Aisaka family. They might have already changed the lock. There might already be a realtor inside.

Though Ryuuji feared the key would resist when he tried the lock, it instead slipped smoothly all the way in and turned. Though the door was stately, it made a surprisingly light sound as it opened.

He turned on the light at the entrance. As though they were vying with each other to be first, they took off their shoes and came in one after another. “Taiga! We’re coming in!” Minori called out, and her voice held the hope that Taiga was still inside. “Aisaka!” “Are you here, Taiga?!” Kitamura and Ami also called.

“It’s me! I’m here, I’m coming in! Taiga! Tai—”

When they pushed opened the glass door that led to the living room, Ryuuji froze in place automatically. Behind him, Minori was also at a loss for words. It was because they were familiar with the terrible spectacle that was Taiga’s room when she had lived there alone that they couldn’t find anything to say. 

They were just shocked.

The large living room was terribly frigid without the heater on. Below the now tenantless chandelier, everything had been left behind—the one-person sofa, the small glass table, and the white cabinets. Covers had been placed over all the furniture. There was not a single scrap of garbage to be found anywhere—not on the kitchen island, the shag carpet, or the cushion Taiga often held. Every nook and cranny was neat and tidy, scrubbed until pristine. 

Minori slowly stepped into the middle of the living room. Moving like a robot under someone else’s orders, she opened a cabinet and pulled open a drawer to look inside without a second thought.

“The bag she kept all her valuables in is gone.”

She raised her face.

“It was flat, with navy and pink stripes. She always kept her bankbook and signature seal, her insurance card, and her passport in it. She always used to tell me that it was the only thing she would grab and run if there was ever a fire. It’s gone.”

Minori shut the cabinet. Walking with long strides, she opened the sliding frosted-glass door and stepped into the north-facing bedroom. She pulled the covers all the way up to the pillows and looked at the wrinkle-free bed. There was still a closed laptop left on the desk. The cords and cables that had always been a tangled mess and sent Ryuuji into a tizzy were unplugged and bundled together on top of the desk with a hairband.

Opening the closet, Minori was silent for just a moment.

“Her uniform is still here.”

Her back trembled.

“Tiger, how could you disappear like this?” Ami seemed in a daze as she muttered to herself where she stood in the bedroom doorway. Her voice echoed painfully in the large, silent room.

Minori turned around and looked up at Ryuuji’s face. She took in deep breaths for a while. Ryuuji just watched as her shoulders heaved up and down. “B-But…are you… Takasu-kun, are you… Are you fine with this…?!”

“I am.”

“But this is no good!”

“It’s fine!” It wasn’t like the louder person would win, but Ryuuji frantically raised his voice. “I think it’s fine that Taiga left like this!”

“But aren’t you sad?!”

Of course he was. He was so sad he couldn’t bear it. “I’m not!”

“Don’t give me that!”

“Kushieda, calm down,” Kitamura spoke softly as he grasped Minori’s shaking shoulders from behind. “Aisaka might still be nearby. We might still be able to make it in time.”

“R-right. She might still be nearby. Maybe she’s just walking around acting like nothing happened!”

Minori turned around at Kitamura and Ami’s words. “Right. She might have been here all this time, just cleaning the place up. Maybe we can make it in time…right! Maybe we’ll make it in time! Takasu-kun!”

“…”

“Takasu-kun! Let’s go!”

Minori, Ami, and Kitamura started running toward the front door. Ryuuji followed after. They came out the entrance and ran down the street lined by Zelkova trees, and he gasped as the cold air stung his lungs.

Maybe we’ll make it in time—maybe he would make it in time to reach her back, where her fluffy hair fluttered, maybe he would make it to her as the hem of her dress billowed. Maybe he would be able to run up to her with his hand outstretched, and grab her shoulders, and tell her not to go. 

“Kitamura.”

If only he could be with her without letting go.

“Kawashima.”

But if he couldn’t let her go…

“Kushieda…Kushieda!”

“Let go of me, Takasu-kun! Let’s go! Let’s chase after her!”

“We can’t, Kushieda! We can’t! This is…fine!”

“Why?!”

He grabbed the sleeve of Minori’s down jacket and used the weight of his entire body to hold her back. Minori chaotically swung her arms around and struggled to shake herself free from Ryuuji’s grip as, with his other hand, Ryuuji snatched at Kitamura’s elbow and the end of Ami’s scarf. 

“Why are you okay with this?! We don’t know where Taiga went! There’s no way this is fine! Didn’t you say that you loved Taiga?! Didn’t you tell me you knew where you wanted to go, Takasu-kun?! Didn’t you say you would live together?! Didn’t you say that was how you’d gain happiness… Why did it turn out this way?! Why?!”

“Taiga’s not running away from home! Taiga’s not going to give up on anyone! That’s why it’s fine this way!”

The people coming and going on the road turned their heads at the loud voices. Regardless, Ryuuji did not let go of Minori’s wrist. He wouldn’t let her go. There were tears on Minori’s cheeks. The words she aimed at him were shaking so much he could barely make them out. 

He closed his eyes and yelled so loud that it might just have reached Taiga. “Taiga! Go! Hurry! Get out of here!”

If there was a chance they could still catch up with her, then she needed to be moving faster. She needed to go as far as she could. Go to the end of the world you live in. Go seize everything you deserve, go seize as much as it’s in your power to hold.

“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Rather than cry, Ryuuji poured all his strength into squeezing out his voice. The distant sky was dazzling.

This was fine. It really was.

Taiga was already nowhere to be seen. She had already disappeared. This was fine.

Removing his glasses, Kitamura covered his face where he stood. He couldn’t keep a low sob from escaping his contorted lips. When she saw that, Ami bit her lip. Her cheeks, nose, and throat were bright red. Clear tears fell from her long eyelashes down to her chin.

In the end, Minori stopped struggling and went limp. She crouched down in the middle of the sidewalk. “You mean…she left us behind? Taiga left me.”

“No,” Ryuuji earnestly said to her back—to his friend’s back. “That’s completely wrong. Taiga doesn’t give up. She’s not that soft. She’s definitely coming back. And when she comes home, you have to definitely be here, too!”

“It doesn’t matter how you put it… I’m still sad. I’m heartbroken Taiga isn’t here. Where am I supposed to put this sadness? Where did you put yours?”

He couldn’t deny Minori’s grief. And so, he would accept it instead. “It’s sad, but it’s fine.”

We’re sad because we’re apart—that’s the relationship I have with Taiga right now. But Ryuuji’s heart was filled with love. It was sad, but things would be fine.

Reeling his memories in one by one, Ryuuji thought back on everything that had happened.

At the end of the cherry blossom season, he’d met the hot mess that was Taiga. That had been the start of a time more turbulent than he could ever have foreseen. He couldn’t help being drawn in, unaware that he was tumbling towards love. He had fallen, thought he was done for, and then somehow gotten back on his feet. Somehow, their hearts had finally met. And after all that, in the present, Takasu Ryuuji loved Aisaka Taiga.

As long as they loved each other like this, he didn’t think the bond that connected them would ever break. Sooner or later, this love would find its voice and come overflowing from him. Their bodies, hearts, and souls would call to each other, and eventually, somewhere in the world, they would collide.

Ryuuji would take the days that had come to pass, the day he was currently living through, and the days to come, loving them in their entirety. Taiga would do the same for her days, and so would Yasuko, Minori, Ami, and Kitamura. They would each love what was their own to the very limits of their abilities.

They would absolutely meet again. Their attraction to each other was this strong, after all. They called to each other. They yearned for each other.

They persisted absolutely, unconditionally.

“I wonder if Tiger will even want to see me…” Ami muttered in a voice so small it seemed about to vanish. 

Ryuuji answered firmly, as though summoning her back. “I feel like she wants to see you, too. Don’t worry about whether Taiga needs it. If that’s what you need, then make sure you tell her. Show her with your actions. You’re the only one who can make your thoughts into reality!”

“I—” Even more tears were spilling down Ami’s contorted and tear-stained face. “I want to see Tiger again! I want to be here when she comes home! I want to get to know Minori-chan better! I want to make up with you, Takasu-kun! I don’t actually want to stop being friends! I want to be friends forever! I’ve enjoyed being with all of you—everything’s been better with you here. I love you all…!”

“Wh-what about me?!”

“Who cares about you, Yuusaku!”

“Ahmin…!” Minori stood up and practically jumped on Ami. Hminohri-an! Ami yelled back, still crying as she wrapped her arms around Minori’s back. They buried their faces in each other’s shoulders. Though they were perfectly matched in stubborn pride, for the moment, they entrusted their body weight to each other. They thought about the friend they had lost and paid no mind to the eyes of passersby as they cried out loud.

Kitamura also understood what was in his childhood friend’s heart and the heart of the one he’d entrusted his team to. He joined their ring. Ryuuji put his hands around his friends and turned his face down. All four of them came together and held each other’s shoulders. They stood in the middle of the sidewalk as they cried out loud, letting the children inside them run free.

If they could warm each other when they were hurt like this, then it was good they were born in separate bodies, Ryuuji thought. It was such a rare miracle, he thought, that they could be born separately, raised apart, meet, love each other, fight…and, like they were now, could bury their crying faces into each other.

Even at this point, when he felt his whole heart being washed away by sorrow, Ryuuji felt that everything he had then, everything that existed in the world, was so precious he could barely contain it. Yell as he might, he couldn’t keep up with the love that welled up within him.

He believed that wherever she went on ahead of him, Taiga’s journey was also overflowing with love. Not all of her love would be rewarded. There would be days when she was betrayed, hurt, and brokenhearted again. But she would keep going. Each of them would keep going.

No matter how far apart or how far away their journeys led them, Ryuuji would reach Taiga and Taiga, Ryuuji. They would eventually converge again, so everything would be fine. The goal they headed towards was the same.

As he revolved around the endless skies, the world below the clouds was beautiful to Ryuuji. Among the vivid lives and merciless colors of the various living things of the land, a tough beast kicked up the dust of time and continued ever forward. With energy that warped her four limbs, she proudly ran through the earth she lived on.

I am a tiger.

I am a dragon.

They became nothing more than life itself as they called. They answered. Their roars traveled far and wide as could be. 

Eventually, the clouds in the sky that the dragon roamed would break, and there would be nothing separating his voice from the earth where the tiger roared.

***

I don’t care how anyone tries to blame you for this. I, your teacher, will always have your back, Takasu-kun. I understand exactly why you did what you did.

“Yay! You did it! Clap clap clap!”

“…”

“Yes, I’ve gotten exactly ten pages from you. Just look at this file and how thick it’s gotten! I’m going to make sure that these get handed out when you graduate—right to your parent…uh. Wh-why are you looking so distressed…”

He wasn’t actually distressed.

“Oh. Are you not feeling well?”

He was feeling fine.

“Well, you must have had a pretty rough time, with everything that’s happened, um…”

He was just slightly tired.

The file the bachelorette teacher Koigakubo Yuri (age 30) held in her hand really was incredibly thick. The label on its spine read, “Class 2-C Takasu Ryuuji’s Reflection Paper.”

“Well, I suppose it’s only natural it would be hard. It was hard for everyone who had to read these, too! You had six ten-page reflection papers due, but I told you that you just needed to do one—and then you turned in the Monday, Wednesday, Friday reports about how your apology cleaning was going… You’ve written too much, Takasu-kun! You even turned in the fifth and sixth ones! And you haven’t skipped a single one.”

“Well, I got carried away. I couldn’t help it.”

The only reason his and Taiga’s great escape hadn’t earned him a suspension was because Koigakubo Yuri had gone frantically to bat for him with the principal, vice principal, and head teacher. Ryuuji heard about it right from the principal in her office. In exchange for not being suspended, he went to the lecture room alone every weekend to write ten-page reflection papers on composition paper. He also had to clean the teachers’ bathroom by himself three times a week.

He’d worked diligently to do all of that and earned his best score yet on the end-of-term tests just the other day. He’d even outscored Kitamura, who prided his math abilities, and ranked at the top of his grade. When it came to the cumulative results, he rose above ten people from the previous tests and clawed his way into the top half of the single digit numbers. With that, Ryuuji hoped, he’d helped Koigakubo Yuri save face.

“Actually, your apology cleaning was quite the ordeal for the other teachers… They kept asking me how many hours you were going to keep cleaning for. And on top of that, all your reports were about exactly how many hairs were in the bathroom and how many cans were in the trash, and how dirty or sloppy everything was, and you even wrote down which teachers you thought were responsible… You were like a mother-in-law with a never-ending devil’s checklist. Everyone was trembling with fear whenever they had to go to the bathroom.”

“I thought you didn’t have a mother-in-law.”

“I don’t… I was using my imagination. A castle in the air, if you will…”

Ha ha ha, Koigakubo Yuri laughed vacantly as she stuck Ryuuji’s reflection paper in the file. After that, she would read over it thoroughly and go over it with a red pen, writing things like, “I’m not really sure about this.” “Think over this more!” “Yes, it did seem that way.” Writing never-ending comments was her job as the teacher. Then, she would temporarily return it to Ryuuji, and Ryuuji would write comments on the comments, and they would be filed away.

They’d had school on Saturday, that day. It was currently after class.

The lecture room the two were in filled with silence for a while. The voices of girl athletes echoed on the school grounds outside. It was probably the softball club. All Ryuuji could hear were rough and effectively menacing voices. HUER GO HUER! DEURAH! HEYUOO! He’d once asked Minori what all of it meant, but she had replied back, “We’re saying, huer go huer! Deurah! Heyuoo!” The world was still full of mysteries.

Once the week started, they would have their third term closing ceremony.

“Okay, you’re done with writing reflection papers now, Takasu-kun. Thanks for all the hard work.”

“Not at all… I was at fault, so I had to do it. Thank you for everything you did, Ms. Koigakubo. I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble. I really am.”

“Thanks. It’s fine.”

The days of their second year in high school were going by without Taiga.

“Sensei?”

Hm? Koigakubo, who had stood up from her seat ahead of him, turned around. He thrust a paper in front of her face. He’d been walking around with it folded in half the whole time, and the crease went deep.

Ryuuji said his piece before she could open it. “I turned in a version of this earlier, but could you replace it with this? I’m sorry it’s so sudden, but I had to write something down. Excuse me!”

Using the moment of distraction as Koigakubo dropped her eyes to the paper, he quickly stood up. He opened the door and headed out into the hallway.

“What. What?! Whaaaaaaat?!” Koigakubo exclaimed.

“I’m serious.” Ryuuji turned around to his teacher, who followed him out the door and walked backwards as he pointed with his finger. I’m serious—seriously serious. He couldn’t help but laugh out loud as he looked at his teacher’s bewildered face. 

“I’m glad you’re serious about it, but the future aspirations questionnaire isn’t for announcing stuff like this!” Koigakubo said. “Don’t you have a brighter, more aspirational outlook?!”

“My outlooks are bright and aspirational. Actually, you’re part of the ‘everyone’ I’m talking about!”

“Whaaaaat… Well…th-thanks I guess…” his teacher muttered with an uncertain expression. In the end, Ryuuji heard her burst out laughing as he went down the stairs, “Ha ha ha!” 

As he vanished from sight, his teacher’s mouth softened slightly. I’m sure you really will have a bright future, because… Then the adult in her returned, and she stopped herself from finishing the thought.

The future aspirations Ryuuji had committed to paper were summarized in just one phrase: For everyone to be happy!

He’d added an exclamation point on the end before turning it in.

As Ryuuji headed to the classroom where he had left his bag, he understood his teacher’s surprise. Honestly, he was still having trouble coming to a decision on a lot of things—the college he would go to if he could still somehow get into one, or what he would major in, or what kind of work he might want to find instead. His future remained unclear.

But he still had a year to go, so wasn’t that fine?

Maybe he was being naive. Maybe he was too optimistic and would end up being left behind by everyone else. But Ryuuji had only just started to understand how wide the world was and wasn’t ready to decide how he would cross it. His indecision wasn’t because of financial problems, or because he had been bound by Yasuko’s words, or even because of her reconciliation with her parents. It wasn’t because his options were limited or because he didn’t like any of them. 

It was because he wasn’t done taking stock of his surroundings. It was because, compared to his peers, he was finally taking his time getting started on his path.

The future was too wide, too far, and it was frightening—but it was also rosy and infinitely bright. Ryuuji was looking forward to thinking about it. He thought he could do anything. He could believe that the things he hoped for would be within reach.

If he could feel this way, then he would be fine. No matter what arms or equipment he decided to outfit himself with as he travelled the world, he would be fine. 

Besides, once he made a decision, all that would remain was to go through with it. That was why he wanted to just be a kid for a little while longer. These were probably the last days of his life that he could get away with being lost. Ryuuji wanted to enjoy wandering while he still could.

He wanted to enjoy the luxurious irresponsibility limited to this time of his life.

“Hey! Yo! I’m hungry, wanna eat?!”

“You actually turned that in?! ‘I want everyone to be happy!’”

In the classroom, Haruta and Noto stuck their hands into candy bags as they waited for Ryuuji to come back. I really did, Ryuuji nodded as he grabbed a potato chip and tossed it into his mouth.

“You really did do it! What did Yuri-chan say?”

“She said, ‘Whaaaaaaaaat!’”

Ha ha! Noto laughed. Another group of stragglers still in the classroom cracked up about something unrelated at just about the same time, and the room filled with the sound of laughter.

“Well, of course she’d be like ‘Whaaaaaaaaat.’ That’s normal. That’s a really weird thing to hear coming from someone with such good grades.”

“But that’s the great thing about Taka-chan! I think I’d like him to open up a restaurant or something.”

“Oh, me too. And then we could all use it as our watering hole.”

“I don’t think that’d be sustainable, money-wise… Actually, where do you want to go for lunch? Is Kitamura here yet?” Ryuuji cast his eyes around the classroom, assuming he was probably still at the student council.

“Ah. Uh. Um. Hello, the student council is conducting a mic test. Uhh. Ngah…hey! Could you stop pressing that button! You’re not even part of the announcement!”

The sounds of a live broadcast suddenly flowed from the speakers, and Ryuuji almost fell out of his seat at Kitamura’s voice.

“Apparently they’ve gotten into a fight with the drama club over next year’s afternoon broadcasts. The broadcast club is staying neutral, so Kitamura was saying they’d be having a civilized discussion,” Noto explained, but the broadcast went on.

“Uh! Whoa! I’m not giving it up…like I’ll ever give it up!”

“Ahhh! Let go, you dolt!”

“Ahh, it’s going to fall! Stop! Hey, there’s equipment over there!”

“A civilized discussion, huh? That sounds pretty bad… Think things are okay?”

Thump, clatter. The sounds of the racket that filtered through the speakers made it seem like things might be getting violent.

“Hey, throw that over here…oh…whoa! Okay! Got it! N-next year, we’ll continue to bring the Patron Saint of Broken Hearts to you on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I hope you precisely enjoy us cheering on your love! Guh… I’ll give it up over my dead body! Music! Hurry up and get something playing! I hope you have a listen to…oh?! AH!”

They heard the sound of something falling and—FZT! The broadcast ended momentarily. 

Uhh… Ryuuji and the others automatically looked up at the speakers.

“Oh! I think I’ve heard this song on a commercial before!” Haruta bobbed his head to the rhythm of the song that came on. Ryuuji also recognized the music that Kitamura had probably put on to cut off the drama club’s speech and started to bob along with Haruta.

“This kind of makes me feel like going to karaoke. It’s been a while…” Noto came up with a good idea. 

“Sounds good! How about we go today?”

“Yeah, let’s go. How about we go to ‘My Voice’ behind the station?”

“That’s the only option there is! Send a text to the master of love, he can follow afta’ us.”

Noto immediately took out his phone as he shouldered his bag. “‘Everyone’s going, so you better hurry it up!’ Done.” 

Ryuuji left the classroom alongside Haruta, wrapping his scarf around his neck.

“It’s suuuper warm outside today, Taka-chan. Do you really need that? It was so hot, I had to take off my parka and put it in my bag.”

“Really. What…is it already spring?” He turned his eyes to the outside of the window. Now that Haruta had mentioned it, the line of cherry blossom trees leading to the school gate were hazy with faint pink. Though the flowers hadn’t bloomed yet, the swelling buds were already colorful.

“That’s right. The season of I, Haruta Kouji, has finally arrived! As you can see, my flowers, the Cherry Brocken Jr., are already vividly colored, and pink rain will fall on Berlin—”

“Don’t you mean cherry blossoms…?”

“Whoa! Looks like our paths have crossed with Ami-chan-sama’s party! Hee hee hee! Were you out to use the restrooms?”

Scary! Frightening! Terrifying! Ami, Maya, and Nanako, who had come out of the girl’s bathroom precisely as Haruta made his joke, all hugged themselves in the same pose as they looked at each other.

“What? You’re all still at school?”

“That’s kind of ridiculous.” Ryuuji pointed at the three girls’ long hair. They all had matching curls. He didn’t remember them looking like that during the end-of-day homeroom.

“We were all practicing curling our hair just now. ♥” As she sprung a curl near her chest with her fingertips, Ami cutely opened her mouth in the shape of a heart. She seemed in a good mood as she fluttered her long lashes at Ryuuji. “So, what do you think? Opinions? Ha ha, these super shiny, soft curls look scary cute on me, don’t they? It’s crazy, right? They’re bombastic, they’re powerful, they’re absolute! What do you think?! I’m even scared of myself, ahh! It’s so scandalous!”

“What’re you getting all worked up about? Actually, it’s ’cause of people like you that we’ve got hairs in the sink. Did you clean it up? Did you clean up all the hairs you shed from those smooth and fluffy curls?”

“How about you just go home?!” Hmph! Ami’s face contorted as she waved her hands at him, “Shoo, shoo.” 

Maya and Nanako wriggled with laughter at Ami’s actions. Meanwhile, Haruta looked at Nanako’s hair. “I kind of think the way Kashii’s hair is curled is cute.”

“Really? Thanks. Actually, I kind of messed up.”

“Hmm. But you didn’t curl it super tight, so it’s kind of nice loose like that.”

Nanako opened her plump lips softly as Haruta praised her and then turned a meaningful look at Noto. “Hey, Noto-kun, how curly do you like a girl’s hair to be? Do you like it wavy like this or for it to be curled back and gorgeous like Ami’s? Or do you like it like Maya’s, with just the ends curled? What’s your favorite?”

“Huh?! Me?! Hair?! I—I—” Noto stared, against his better judgment, at class 2-C’s official knockout trio. “…Wanna karaoke?!”

That was unexpected. 

Noto kept babbling as he headed past the girls’ bathroom door, “We’re just about to go, so… Well, I guess only if you’re not busy, but if you feel like coming—or if you’re like—well, see—there’s a Mos Burger across from the karaoke place, and we could buy stuff to eat there and the drinks are free. Well, whatever, but if you are—but well, you might not be.”

He turned around slightly, but he wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. “Kitamura’s coming, too,” he added in a quiet voice.

“What a coincidence!” Maya said, her voice so bright it seemed like she was trying to stifle Noto’s. “We were just talking about going! How about we all go together? It’s okay if they join in, right Ami-chan? Nanako?”

“Of course! The more the merrier, right, Ami-chan?”

“Ahh, but my secret will be out if these guys hear my beautiful voice.”

They walked through the hallway as a group and changed into their outdoor shoes at the shoe cubbies. The girls headed out first and, for some reason, Noto whined, “You think they’re going for Kitamura? Is that it?” 

How should I know? Ryuuji smiled wryly and nonchalantly pushed Noto’s head toward Haruta.

Under the yet-to-bloom flowers, they formed a noisy troop as they progressed forward. Ami looked towards the sports grounds and started to run. Perfect timing! She approached the netted fence.

“Heeeeey! Minori-chan!”

“Huh? Oh, it’s you Ahmin! Oh, hey, and you’ve got everybody with you! Are you on your way home?” Minori wore her softball uniform, which was smudged with dirt, and her fingers were taped up, but when she took off her cap, she had her usual smile on. “Yo!” She also waved a hand at Ryuuji. 

Yo! Ryuuji waved back.

“You look ridiculous… Are you still practicing? Are you working today?”

“I’m done after this, and I don’t have work!”

“Seriously? We’re going to karaoke right now. You should come after you’re done changing.”

“Care-ee-oh-kee! Whoa, it’s been such a long time since I’ve gone! I’ll definitely come! I’ll subject your ears to my solo anime song!”

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, we got it, so just hurry and come over!”

“Okay! I’ll hurr-over!”

Hurr-over…? As in hurry over…? Nanako and Maya cocked their heads at each other when they spotted Kitamura, who seemed to have just gotten their message, and was running down the stairs of the front entrance.

“HEEEEEEY!” Ryuuji waved vigorously at him. “Hurry up,” he yelled to his best friend. 

Waving his hand as rigorously as Ryuuji, Kitamura smiled as he ran, his glasses bouncing on his nose. The girls had moved slightly ahead of them, and Minori was calling to end softball early that day like a wartime general. ROUND UP! ROUND UP, MY YOUNG COMPATRIOTS! Noto, Haruta, and Ryuuji waited for Kitamura to catch up to them.

Everyone’s here.

Now we just need you, Ryuuji secretly told himself in his heart.

Everyone’s here, so hurry up.

Hurry and come back to me.

Taiga.

I want to see you.

***

There are things in this world that not a single person has witnessed.

“Oh…oh…oh…”

“In! I—In—Innn…In…Iiiinnn!”

“It’s tasty, huh? Right, right… You really are cute… Oh, hey, Inko-chan, stop that. It tickles.”

“Rin!”

In the morning light, the bird with the face like a bizarrely shaped rock nibbled at the skin on his hand. Takasu Ryuuji watched as the beak peeled off and consumed the skin around his thumbnail.

“Of joy—”

“Toy!”

“It’s great…!”

Ryuuji poked his ugly parakeet’s head with the tip of his finger to pet her as she rested on his wrist. Probably because she was enjoying it, Inko-chan drooled cloudy liquid. The whites of her eyes showed as she shivered. 

Mm-hmm, good, good. He gave her head an absentminded kiss without thinking about it. As far as Ryuuji was concerned, Inko was his beloved pet, and so cute he wanted to eat her right up. Of course, he would no longer be human if he did that, so he ended their morning communication session there and put her back in the birdcage.

He looked at the clock, ready for a change of pace. It was 7:45.

“Oh no!”

He had thought it was still half past seven. He couldn’t let himself be late for the opening ceremony of his third year in high school!

“Wait, my head!”

Ryuuji leapt into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. “Urk!” Today, of all days, his bedhead was terrible. The back of his hair stuck up so intensely that it looked like he was wearing a beret—or a wig. He desperately combed it out with a brush and wet it with his fingers.

“Th-th-this won’t work…!”

He headed back to the living room in his sock-clad feet, pulled down a small box of Yasuko’s hair tools from their shelf, and looked for something that could fix his hair. He didn’t care whether the answer was a spray, mousse, or a cream—as long as it could help him.

“You looking for something?”

“My head! I need to fix my hair! I can’t go out looking like this!”

“Oh, that! The thing you’re holding right now is spray meant for fixing bedhead! Give it here, I’ll fix it up for you!” Yasuko, who was already awake, changed, and had eaten breakfast with Ryuuji, sprayed his head several times. She brushed his damp hair and held it down firmly as Ryuuji looked at the clock anxiously again.

“Crap, crap, crap… I might actually be late. What about you? When are you heading out?”

“I’m fine! I just need to get to the store before ten. Okay, now you just use a dryer on the wet parts.”

Ryuuji gave her a rushed reply and headed to the bathroom again. He pulled out the dryer in a fluster, and the plug rang out as it hit the polished sink. Everything okay? Yasuko peeked in at him. 

Ever since she had chopped her heat-damaged hair to chin length, he thought she had started to look even more like Sonoko. Yasuko herself didn’t seem to like the haircut and declared at every opportunity she would be growing it out again.

Ever since that day, Sonoko had come to the rental three times and Seiji once. Ryuuji and Yasuko went back to Yasuko’s parent’s house once. After such emotional reunions, it was, of course, slightly difficult to go back to the independent, carefree rhythms of their everyday lives. The parents and former runaway daughter, after having been separated for so long, occasionally butted heads. 

Yasuko had also retired from Bishamon Heaven at the end of March, though not because she was concerned about how her parents saw it. It had been the owner’s idea to install the number two, Shizuyo, as the new housemistress and to task Yasuko with opening a new store called “Okonomiyaki and Benzaiten Heaven.” She would be interviewing new employees starting that day.

“Did it work?”

“I give up!” Ryuuji held down his hair, which still looked exactly like a parakeet’s tuft, as he glared at his own face in the mirror. He would be a third-year high school student starting today. He scowled and decided that this was actually fine. There were things he needed to do, and he didn’t want to be late.

He ran into his room, which still had the curtains drawn, and tore apart the dry-cleaning bag. He reeled it in and thrust it into the trash. He put on his pressed school jacket.

A young married couple he still hadn’t gotten to know had moved into the bedroom of the condo that stood beyond the curtain. They always had the blinds closed, probably wanting privacy, and he almost never opened his curtains anymore. He didn’t really care. It wasn’t like sunlight would make its way into the room even if he did.

Ryuuji grabbed his phone, threw his tote bag over his shoulder, and then ran out of the room. “I’m heading out!”

“See yoooooooou! It’s fine, your hair looks greaaaaaaaat! You’re amazing, Ryuu-chan! You’re the coolest guy in the woooooooooorld!”

“…”

This was what the world could call killing with kindness.

Ryuuji almost tripped under the force of his mother’s torrent of loving praise as he stuck his feet into his shining loafers. He grabbed the cold doorknob and opened the front door, letting the blinding sunlight of spring bathe his whole body. 

The shower of light was so intense he couldn’t open his eyes. There was a warm, spring breeze, surreptitiously laced with the smell of flowers. Standing under the bright blue sky, Ryuuji breathed in a lungful of air.

His shoes rang out as he ran down the stairs, almost giving his landlady a heart attack as she swept the front porch with a broom. “Good morning!” 

“AH! Don’t just yell at me like that!” 

A new school year. A new class. A new homeroom teacher. New friends. On this new morning, Ryuuji walked on, one step at a time. His legs swelled with power as he took a large step forward.

“Taiga…” 

He threw out his chest.

“…how will you start walking forward?”

I’m boldly facing forward. I’m facing the same direction you are, and I know I can keep believing that this is the path that will lead me to you again.

So, you also need to—

“Guh?!”

“Ow!”

In this world, there’s something that no one has ever seen.

Something gentle and oh-so-sweet.

If anyone ever saw it, they’d surely want it for themselves.

But that’s precisely why no one’s ever seen it.

In order to keep it safe, the world hid it away.

But someday, someone will find it.

Only the one who was meant to have it will find it, in the end.

That’s how it’s meant to be.

“Ow…ouch…! Wh—”

“Wh-wh-wh-wh-!” Ryuuji’s quivering tongue had gone numb. Shock clouded his vision in an intense, halo-like white light. “Why?! Since when have you been here?! How did you get back?!” 

It seemed that the girl before his eyes had no time for that. Taiga, who had landed on her butt from the collision, wore her usual uniform, though it looked oddly new. She held her head, which firmly conked into his when they ran into each other, and started to wail, unable to get back up.

“H-hey, wait…are you okay?!”

“I kind of feel dizzy… Wait! A! Sec…!”

Ryuuji saw murder fill the eyes under her two small hands as they opened wide and pinned him with a glare. A palmtop-sized tiger was still a tiger. She tensed her body as though she was about to pounce on him.

“I’ve been waiting here this whoooole morning! You’re so slow! We’re going to end up late! And you didn’t even notice me! And then you came barreling into me! Why didn’t you just—”

He used every ounce of strength in him to embrace the delicate body that readily clung to him with all her weight.

“—hug me from the start like this?!”

This shamelessness, this strength, this minuteness, this weight, this energy, this sense of lovingness—this was Taiga.

“I’m so…sorry.”

Taiga was always sudden.

She would suddenly appear, suddenly knock Ryuuji off his feet, suddenly carry off his heart. That was just how she was, and she’d always been that way. Ryuuji knew that everything would always end up in its proper place like this. They would hug each other and inhale deep breaths of each other. They would yell at the top of their lungs. Welcome home. Welcome home. I’m home. I’m home. 

“Taiga. It’s you, it’s you, it’s really you… It’s you, Taiga!”

“It’s you, Ryuuji. It’s really you. My favorite Ryuuji.”

“How did you get back?!”

“So my mom rescinded the school withdrawal the day after and sent in an absence request instead. She wanted to make sure I would be able to come back to school if I wanted to, but it took a while for them to approve the request, and she didn’t want me to be confused, so she kept it secret. I didn’t find out until just recently.”

“What about your house?! Where are you living?! Actually…seriously! What’s with you?! Where were you up until now?! You never told me anything!”

“Well, of course, I couldn’t—” Taiga raised her slightly damp eyes and looked at the white condo that stood beside them. She continued to laugh at the back of her throat. “—go back there. But I’m close by. I’m right next to you. You have to come with everyone else! I’m really practically right next to you!”

“I definitely will.”

“I’m with my mom and my new dad, and also—I’ve got a little brother! He’s so cute! They rented out a house nearby for my sake! Well, actually, it was on the condition that I’d help out with taking care of my brother while my mom’s at work. And I’m pretty sure they’ll move out right after I’ve graduated. Seems about right, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Yup.”

Ryuuji painted the picture of a dream in his mind and was sure Taiga was picturing the same thing he was. At some point in the vast, endless future, he would marry Taiga and they would live together. Everyone they loved would be there. Ryuuji and Taiga would smile blissfully, their eyes squinting with joy, because they were headed toward that future together.

“I’m sure everyone will be surprised when I come to school. I haven’t told anyone yet—not Minorin or Dimhuahua or Kitamura-kun.”

“Let’s give them a surprise. Let’s go! We’re actually going to end up being late at this rate!”

“Yeah!”

Ryuuji easily grabbed the bag he dropped and turned around, and the two of them ran down the sidewalk on the usual Zelkova-lined path. Both moving at once, they grabbed each other’s hands and turned their faces to each other and smiled.

Their new days start once more from here.

THE END