Toradora! - Volume 6 - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“Whoa…?!”

“Wh-why’s this happening right in the morning?!”

“That gave me a heart attack!”

It was Monday.

It had just turned eight, and they were right in the middle of the time when the students were coming into school. The students would normally be lazily greeting each other. Morning! Yo! The school should have been busy with the din of their echoing voices.

But that morning, the situation in the entranceway was a little different from usual. The happy-go-lucky greetings were interrupted, and what echoed instead were shrieks of surprise and fear. The unknowing students who came to school would notice the crowd stopped in their tracks and try to look around to see what was going on, swallow their breath, and join the outer edges of the wordless crowd. In turn, the hallway and area around the 

shoe cubbies, which already weren’t that spacious, became a traffic jam of students who, once stopped, couldn’t run away even if they wanted to.

There was a five-meter air pocket that the students were trying not to get pushed into. They were acting like a crowd on board the last train trying to avoid a zone of leftover vomit. In this case, though, the crowd wasn’t in a train car and what they were trying to avoid wasn’t puke.

“Do you think you can really do it? Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine.”

“Don’t push yourself. I was the one who was supposed to do it in the first place.”

“No…I’ll do it. I’m the one who said I wanted to do it. I do what I say I’ll do. I swore that I would do whatever I could for Kitamura-kun.”

Ryuuji and Taiga stood in the middle of the surrounding group. In low whispers only they could hear, they spoke to each other.

They were standing on a stepladder that they had pulled out of the gym’s storage. Taiga’s eyes were wide open as she held a microphone in her hands. After he had made sure Taiga was certain about everything, Ryuuji put a handmade sash over her shoulder. In that moment, before they could even give an explanation, shrieks came from the crowd that surrounded them, one after another.

“You’ve got to be kidding meeee?!”

“Just stoooooop!”

“Someone hurry and stop them!” 

“This is impossible! Impossible!” 

“Excuse me?!” The voices of class 2-C echoed loudly above everyone else’s from inside the boisterous crowd.

Okay, Ryuuji signaled to Taiga with his eyes. Taiga nodded gravely and took a breath. 

“Quiiiiiieeeeeet!”

She turned to the mic and yelled, but it was just her regular voice.

“Huh? I forgot to turn it on…”

Everyone, Ryuuji included, was disappointed. The excitement in the place dimmed. For a moment, Taiga turned red, but she immediately stood her ground.

“Th-this isn’t a mic! It’s a weapon to do this to people who don’t please me!”

Daah! She suddenly hurled it at the head of a boy standing right in front of her eyes. The one who had been hit simply fell over unconscious.

“Whoa, Haruta! Keep it together, don’t die! What have you done, Palmtop Tiger?!” 

Noto was now supporting Haruta’s body and yelling. Incidentally, she hadn’t actually thrown it that hard and had brought back her wrist to weaken the blow. Haruta had faked falling over unconscious right on time. The whites of his eyes still showed as he relaxed his whole body, and his faint looked strangely real. Ryuuji was thankful they were able to cooperate with such an amazing adlib performance. Good job. He gave them a small thumbs up. Noto and Haruta also sneakily returned the thumbs up.

“W-wait, someone call a teacher?!”

“She’s gone violent!”

The commotion grew as more students started clustering together, wondering what was going on. There were even some who had started taking pictures.

Content, Ryuuji licked his thin lips at the excellent response and at how well the plants in class 2-C were doing. Right, this is good, be even more scared, you pitiful sacrifices… He wanted all of the students in the school to be terrified. If they weren’t disgusted by this idea, he would be in trouble.

“Quiiiiieeeet! This morning, I have a terrifying announcement for you duuuuunces!”

Taiga’s rancorous voice rang out again, this time at full force from the now powered-on mic. The students’ dumbfounded mouths were ajar as they stood stock-still.

“I hate all of you…!”

Taiga looked at each and every one of their faces as though examining them. Her long hair hung down pompously, and her eyes glistened brightly. On the sash across her shoulder were the words “Student Council Presidential Candidate.” It was super simple, so it was easy to understand.

“You sleazebags embarrassed me with those rumors. Well, you’ve all had your despicable fun… I’ve been thinking this whooooole time of how to get revenge on you all for spreading rumors like wildfire about who I was dating…and then I thought of it!”

Taiga bared her teeth. She lifted her left hand and gripped the air like she was trying to take all the students into her clutches and crush them. 

“I, Aisaka Taiga, will become student council president and paint your high school lives into a dark nightmare. I’ll give you memories of fresh blood, I’ll inter you and leave you in the m-m-mooooorguuuuuuue!”

Eeeeeeek! A high-pitched, true shriek rose from the mass of students—not one of the plants, either. Adding insult to injury, Ryuuji stepped forward with his forehead furrowed.

“And I’m the head of her campaign… You all said whatever you wanted… You called me pitiful, a pushover, a loser… I won’t forgive you…ever!”

He didn’t have a mic and was of course a little nervous, so he couldn’t be as loud. His voice was shaking and low, but combined with his glistening psycho eyes, which were the real deal, it was more than persuasive enough.

“Wh-wh-who is it that said Takasu wasn’t really scary…?!”

“He really is terrifying!”

“H-he’s gonna kill us…”

“Those eyes aren’t normal!”

Taiga laughed faintly and Ryuuji’s glistening eyes took on an even more murderous glint. The students who looked up at the two of them were screaming, clearly in the grip of real fear. That Palmtop Tiger and the delinquent Takasu were striking terror into the students’ hearts, cursing the student body by running in the election. 

You don’t actually need to be that scared, Ryuuji thought internally but didn’t soften his glinting eyes. “My high school life!” a girl seemed close to crying out loud. He looked at her and turned up the murderous beams of his gaze. He felt self-conscious and guilty about doing it on purpose.

Yes, Ryuuji and Taiga had resorted to Samurai Reincarnation measures—they would go down the wrong path on their own, just like in the movie, and then…

“Oh! It’s that blond vice president Kitamura-kun!”

“Apparently, he said he wasn’t running in the election and was quitting the student council!”

“Is that why the Palmtop Tiger is trying to take over the school?!”

This was their aim.

There was only one of the students of class 2-C that they hadn’t coordinated with about being a plant. That was Kitamura. Oddly, he made a grand entrance into the school with his still blond head. His face went stiff for a moment when he saw Ryuuji and Taiga, but it seemed he immediately guessed at the situation. He quickly ignored them and walked away. He was too clever for his own good. Several students followed him.

“Wait, Kitamura! Didn’t you see that?!”

“Please run in the election! Be one of the candidates!”

“If you let it keep going like this, they’ll ruin our high school lives!”

Yes, yes, just like that. Ryuuji and Taiga casually looked at each other and confirmed that their plan was going well. They were using themselves as bait to trap Kitamura. The more everyone hated what they were doing, the more pressure there would be on Kitamura to enter the election. The mood would spread around the school, and Kitamura would need to become a candidate in order to crush them. He would be put into a situation where he had to become a candidate. It was reverse psychology. 

Incidentally, because Minori was a well-known friend of Taiga’s, she had already sneaked off to the classroom without being involved in the commotion. She was the one-and-only least qualified plant for the role of pretending to be afraid of Taiga.

Then there was one more point that needed to be made.

“Kyaah! How scary, what’s going on?!”

Yes, good timing, Ryuuji nodded slightly. It was Ami yelling in her key role. Maya and Nanako, as subordinates, made a grand entrance. Ami hadn’t wanted to be a decoy, but Maya had persuaded her.

“Oh, Kawashima-san! This is dangerous, hide behind me!”

“No, behind me!”

“No, no, I’ll be the one to take you all the way to the classroom, Ami-chan!”

Ami was immediately surrounded by the boys and hands extended to her from all sides. The meddlesome guys weren’t even plants. They started bombarding the three with explanations of what had happened.

“What?!” 

“That’s terrible!” Maya and Nanako very naturally raised their voices.

“The Palmtop Tiger is a candidate for student council president?! Isn’t that going to be a super big problem?!”

“That’s right, Ami-chan, why don’t you try running for the election?! Ami-chan, you’re popular, after all!”

At the two’s mini-play, new whispers started spreading among those surrounding them. 

“Now that you mention it…” 

“We don’t need Kitamura if Ami-chan runs…” 

“Everyone would be okay with Kawashima-san!” 

Ami turned to Maya and Nanako.

“Me, run for president?! Right…at this rate, the Palmtop Tiger will ruin everyone’s high school lives! I’m not the type for it, but I’d do it for everyone else’s sakes! OOF!”

Kablam. This time, Taiga didn’t hold back on the mic attack—like Gogo Yubari’s steel ball, she held the mic cord and whirled it around. With astounding control, she aimed it right at the crown of Ami’s head. Ami went down on one knee. 

“Wah, Ami-chan!” 

“Ami-chan, keep it together!” 

The plants and the non-plants alike joined in the increasing commotion.

“Mwa ha ha ha ha ha haaa! Anyone who tries to interfere with my plan, Dimhuahua included, will fall victim to a merciless sneak attack from me!”

Whether she was going to launch a sneak attack or get them fair and square, Taiga’s intentions were made crystal clear by the swinging mic.

“We can’t let Ami-chan be in this kind of danger!”

“Damn it, it’s so dangerous, no one wants to run?!”

“That rumor started in the first place because Kitamura was being misleading! We really can’t have anyone but Kitamura run!”

“That’s right, this is Kitamura-kun’s responsibility!”

They had naturally sided with the plants and determined Kitamura was the only one who could run. It went exactly as planned, to the point it was a little scary. The students solidified in the direction of supporting Kitamura. Ryuuji’s own brain, which had come up with the amazing plan, was frightened. 

Sin-glack, a strange sound came from behind Ryuuji, who wasn’t aware he was shaking slightly.

“I…”

That sound echoed heavily. Going with the mood, Taiga had swung the mic around, and at some point, the one standing behind them was…

“Aisaka-san. Takasu-kun. How about we cool our heads a little…”

…the single bachelorette (30), who had astoundingly been hit in the forehead.

“…Hm, hm. I see. At first Takasu-kun was going to be the candidate.”

“Yes…”

Ryuuji and Taiga had been pushed into the interview room. They were forced to admit their whole plan to the guidance counselor and bachelorette.

“Anyway, you chose a candidate no one would like and thought that if everyone thought ‘Kitamura has to be the candidate!’ then Kitamura would have to enter the election, but—”

“With Ryuuji, we didn’t feel like we could make it seem like there was impending danger…so I said that I could try to do it…”

The bachelorette seemed exhausted as she rubbed at her eyes and muttered. “Basically, you two thought that if Kitamura would only become president, he would be rehabilitated? You knew he couldn’t stay like this.”

Ryuuji nodded deeply.

“That’s right… And we weren’t the only ones who thought that. We called everyone else in class 2-C other than Kitamura, told them about the plan, and asked them to help out. Everyone agreed. The reason why Kitamura suddenly changed, anyway, has to be because of the student council. We thought we would figure out what happened during the process of getting him back in the council. We thought we could settle everything if we only knew what caused it.”

“But what would you do if Kitamura-kun never entered? If there’s only one candidate, then the election is just a formality. Aisaka-san would really become president.”

“Kitamura-kun definitely isn’t the type to just leave things alone.”

Ryuuji nodded his head in agreement with Taiga’s words. The two of them had been able to go through with their grand Samurai Reincarnation plan in the first place because everyone in class 2-C had believed that.

“Did you ever think that he’d just become more stubborn with everyone around him telling him to do it?”

“We still believed Kitamura would run in the end.”

At Taiga’s conviction-filled words, the bachelorette and guidance counselor each looked at each other.

“I understand. If you really believe in it to that extent, then fight to the end. But, Aisaka-san, if you really are elected as the student president, then you can’t just say that it wasn’t real.”

“I understand that. When the time comes, I’ll really make this school a nightmare.”

“Of course, if that happens, I’ll follow through as best as I can and try not to cause everyone too much trouble,” Ryuuji followed up. 

Haah. The bachelorette sank into a sigh. He looked into her face.

“Teacher, it’s okay. We’ll make it back safely from the underworld.”

Taiga, probably trying to be conscientious in her own way, tried to cheer up the bachelorette, whose forehead still sported traces of the blow from the mic.

“Yeah, please do come back safe. That’s right, you need to at least make posters and flyers with your platform… Come to the teacher’s office later, and I’ll show you how to use the copier. Make sure to think of terrifying and bloody campaign promises. You know how to use a computer, right? I’ll help you.”

In this way, the bachelorette (age 30), too, became part of the gang trying to catch Kitamura since he had dropped into the underworld.

On that day, they made two styles of posters to put up around the school: one rain-gutter-colored one and another that was filled with gloom. They printed hundreds of them to put up around the school. Then they distributed flyers with the campaign slogan “Dark Contract” written out in bloody writing. All the students were successfully thrown into a whirlpool of panic. 

“They’re serious!” 

Of course, they distributed the posters to class 2-C, too. All of them pretended they didn’t know. 

“This is becoming ridiculous!” 

“Please reconsider, Takasu!” 

The class made a commotion, and only Kitamura remained silent.

The election period ended in five days on Friday. Friday was when they closed off candidacy; the next Saturday was one of their two monthly weekend school days. The student council presidential election would be held during the long homeroom.

***

“Well…he’s a reaaally stubborn guy…”

“He hasn’t said a word since then…”

“And he’s still ignoring me… Actually, Kitamura’s been ignoring everyone in the class…”

In a stupor, Ryuuji and Taiga sat side by side holding their knees. The TV didn’t reach them. They exchanged empty words and just looked up at the ceiling.

They had finished their easy sashimi dinner, and Yasuko was already long gone to work. Left behind, the two of them were lost in thought—time had come up on them quick.

Five days already passed since they communicated with the class and explained the plan in that room. On Monday, they made their vivid Samurai Reincarnation declaration on the school steps. On Tuesday, they waited in front of the school gate for the students coming in and shook each person’s hand. On Wednesday, during lunch, they made a commotion by reading the student self-government plan on the school broadcast, causing several first-year girls to go into shock. On Thursday, they used their time off to go around to each of the classes and incited screams around the school until they were scolded by the teachers, “This is going too far!”

In that four-day period, they had learned that just the name of the Palmtop Tiger was more than enough to scare the students without laying down any additional measures. Then, before they realized it…

“We have one day left… If Kitamura hasn’t entered by tomorrow…”

“Then I’ll be student council president.”

The two of them went quiet at the same time.

Kitamura had continued to come to school with blond hair for those days. Even if he got in trouble and was told to fix his hair color, he’d obstinately return.

Starting with Ryuuji, he ignored everyone in 2-C and avoided having them in his line of sight. He didn’t lend an ear to the entreaties of “Please become a candidate!” from the upperclassmen and underclassmen who came in every day. He would simply shut them out with a “You can see my head. My life is a mess, so I can’t be the student council president.”

It wasn’t as easy as they thought. Now that they had come to this point, Kitamura let them know that he wasn’t just the honor roll student they had seen him as. He was stubborn and difficult, incredibly tenacious, and could be cold when it suited him. Ryuuji darkly put his chin on his knees. He had been thinking the same thing since he had seen Kitamura crying on that day.

If that was Kitamura, what had he been seeing until now?

He had been conceited for thinking that he understood Kitamura. 

He had been immature and conceited for thinking he could understand Kitamura and save him. Now Ryuuji was paying for it. He hadn’t grown at all. He felt like he was just repeating the same stupid actions over and over, and just messing up. 

He glanced at Taiga’s profile. He had even thought he had understood Taiga. He didn’t have a good reason for getting himself so involved in her life, speaking up for her and looking after her, but had just decided it was a good thing to do—he’d thought it was a convenient, comfortable relationship.

But all he was doing was trying to control her like her father had. He had failed her. He had seen her in pain and been its cause. Even though he vowed not to do something as stupid as that again and should have learned after paying a high price to learn it, he failed Kitamura, too. 

When had he messed up? He hadn’t even noticed the changes in Kitamura, and once something had definitively changed, he’d decided they needed to do something. Sticking his nose in might have been his mistake. 

But, in that case, would it have been okay for him to leave Kitamura alone because he was just an immature kid who couldn’t understand his friend? Was that a real excuse? Ami said that if someone like Kitamura cried, someone would come save him. Kitamura knew that himself, so maybe Ryuuji should have stayed out of it because he was useless. Like Minori said, maybe he should have been waiting for a “saving grace” like Ami to appear and deal with Kitamura. Maybe they would have done a better job.

But he really couldn’t have just sat there and watched. But…even that was just conceited and for his own satisfaction.

“I don’t know… I don’t know anything anymore…”

Ryuuji wailed and closed his eyes.

“Ryuuji. Your phone is ringing.”

Taiga slipped the vibrating cell phone over the tatami to his feet. Though he felt hesitant seeing a phone number he didn’t know, he pressed the red answer button. If it would allow him to escape this impasse, he would be fine with talking to a stranger.

“Yes?”

“Hello, uhh, it’s Murase from class 2-A. Is this…Takasu-kun’s cell phone?”

“Yes, it is… Murase-kun?”

It was a name he hadn’t heard before. It wasn’t a classmate from when he was a first year, either. Taiga tilted her head in curiosity and looked up at Ryuuji’s face.

“Sorry, we’ve never met before, but I went through school contacts to get your phone number. There was something I wanted to talk to you about. It’s about Kitamura…uh. I’m part of the general affairs student council. I’ve been working with Kitamura since our first year.”

“You’re from the student council?”

He turned up the volume. He felt like his heart quickened at Murase’s words. 

“Right. Takasu-kun, you’re supporting the Palmtop Tiger in the election, right? We understand—everyone in the student council understands. It’s just part of a plan to get Kitamura in action, right?”

“Right… So you figured us out…”

“Right. Actually, I think only a portion of the people in the class are actually afraid. The second years in particular know that you’re not a real delinquent for the most part and that you’re Kitamura’s best friend. Anyway, you don’t have to worry about the presidential election was what I wanted to tell you. Tomorrow, if Kitamura doesn’t, I’ll enter. I can remove Taiga’s nomination, too, so don’t worry.”

“I-I see… Thanks for telling me. Actually, I was just worrying about what we would do if Taiga actually became president.”

“It’s okay, leave it to me. Well, we’re going to wait until the very last minute to see if Kitamura runs. Our official stance is that we believe it’s best to have the vice president take over. After being with him in the student council for two years, I can’t believe that he would actually quit at this point. It’s not a great feeling.”

“It wouldn’t be… I get it.”

“The president has been telling us to ‘Leave that idiot alone,’ but I don’t think she’d ever want it to end this way now that she’s on her way out.”

He knew that, too. He tried to reply in agreement, but…

“Now that she’s on her way out?”

“Oh, right. You wouldn’t know. It’s not a secret or anything, but…yeah, well, a lot of stuff happened.”

“Can I ask what those things were? Could you tell me?”

“Well…ah, uhh…”

It was obvious Murase had made a mistake and was speaking ambiguously on purpose. Though it wasn’t supposed to be a secret, he seemed shaken by whatever it was he had let slip. It confirmed what Ryuuji had thought—the reasons for Kitamura’s changed behavior really had started with the student council. If he didn’t get an answer here from Murase, the Samurai Reincarnation plan would have been purposeless.

“Please, tell me. I’m worried about Kitamura. I don’t know what happened and…I can only depend on the student council! If you know anything at all, even if it’s just a guess or might be your imagination, please tell me! This is how desperate I am! Please!”

Even though Murase wouldn’t be able to see it, Ryuuji desperately bowed his head. Well, uhh… For a while, Murase’s voice tapered off, but finally he bent to Ryuuji’s persuasion.

“Well…the first time Kitamura said he might quit the student council was a little while ago. We had the culture festival, right? The next day, the student council and acting committee got together for cleanup. That day…”

Ryuuji, still sitting on the tatami, listened to the story Murase told. He even forgot to say anything at the end and remained silent with the phone pressed to his ear.

Then, when he finished listening, he only had one thing to say at the end: 

“Thanks for telling me.”

He hung up and flipped the phone closed.

He stood up.

“Ryuuji? Hey, what was that call about? Who was it? You were talking about Kitamura-kun, right?”

He couldn’t reply to Taiga. He was still lightly dressed in only a long sleeved T-shirt and sweat pants. He didn’t have anything else on, but he took long strides heading towards the front door. Ryuuji?! What’s wrong?! Taiga went after him, but he didn’t turn around. He couldn’t.

The inside of his head was blank.

He was confused and something else? Was he angry? He still didn’t know what it was, but the emotion came from the bottom of his stomach and was rising like fire. It was as though it were even burning away Ryuuji’s reasoning.

“I said hey! Where are you going?!”

“I’m going…to punch the daylights out of Kitamura!”

“What?! Wait…Ryuuji!”

Still without any jacket on, he stuffed his feet into his sneakers and leapt out the front door, cutting off Taiga’s yells. He didn’t even lock the door but just ran down the outer stairs in one go.

It was night, and the sky was black. The air was cold enough to pierce his skin and freeze his throat with one breath, but he struggled to keep running. The feeling of the hard asphalt slapped his soles and shook him up, making his back hurt. His feet didn’t stop as he sped up when he got to the national highway. He went across the large bridge towards his goal, towards Kitamura’s house. Even if Kitamura ignored him or hated him, Ryuuji would drag him out and ask him. 

He was immature, sure, he was an idiot who made mistakes, but that didn’t matter anymore, none of it mattered. He really had been sincerely worried. He really had been thinking of Kitamura. He wasn’t the only one. There was Minori, Yasuko, Noto, Haruta, everyone in the class, Murase and the rest of the student council, Kitamura’s family, the bachelorette, and also Taiga. Taiga had cried. For Kitamura.

It had all happened because of that.

Because of something so worthless.

Kitamura was just throwing a tantrum like a little kid.

“That-that-that…I-DI-OT!”

He squeezed it out from between his gritted back teeth. From the national highway, he started to see the embankment. He ran up the concrete steps and pushed his way through the dried weeds. He jumped onto the promenade of the river bank, which smelled like a gutter even in the winter.

He wanted to get there even a little faster, so he could grab the jerk’s collar and pull him out. He wanted to get a good look at the face that was causing such a huge commotion over something so small.

He headed towards the bridge’s light as he imagined the face of the hateful blond in his head. Then, suddenly, a shadow appeared from the dried grass.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek?!”

“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”

They screamed, mirroring each other. When Ryuuji fell over, the other person did, too.

Ow, he groaned and opened his squinting eyes. When he saw the other person, he froze.

As they lay under the streetlamp sprawled on their butts in the exact same pose, the two of them looked at each other. They pointed at each other and lost the ability to speak. Ryuuji might have been the one who was more surprised. His lips quivered and gaped. In a stupor, he looked at the face of the person he had bumped into, which was slightly different from the one he had imagined in his head.

“K-Kitamura?! What’s with your face?!”

“Takasu…”

Before he knew it, Ryuuji was holding Kitamura’s shoulder and searching his pockets for a tissue for the guy he had been about to beat the daylights out of.

“Th-thanks…”

“Who did this to you?! Are you okay?!”

“Well, it was at home. I had a little thing…with my dad…”

Kitamura had appeared out of nowhere with blood flowing freely from his nose down his chin. Getting a better look, Ryuuji realized Kitamura was bleeding from the mouth, too, and that his swollen eyelid was bruised. His cheeks were still wet from tears he couldn’t hide.

“Can you stand? Look, hold onto me!”

“Ugh…”

Kitamura grabbed Ryuuji’s hand, which he offered with no hesitation, and got up. As he stood, even more tears flowed from Kitamura’s eyes. Ryuuji couldn’t pretend he hadn’t seen, so he continued to pat Kitamura’s back in desperation.

Murase had told Ryuuji the reason for those tears, too. They were tears for the student council president Kanou Sumire expediting her post-graduation plans to study abroad. She would leave school in the next week and go to America, and it was probably because of that that Kitamura was sulking like a child.

***

Calling the river swift was probably too much of a compliment. They were at the end of the promenade that continued from gray street to gray street along the river, which could only be described as extensive.

In a corner of the bridge’s deserted sidewalk, save for the occasional truck or taxi that would flow by, the two of them sat side by side with their legs hanging from gaps in the railing. Together, they looked down at the black, polluted river as it flowed.

Awkwardly sniffling, Ryuuji stole a glance at Kitamura’s profile. He was completely beaten up. His full-blast Uniqlo knit collar was stretched out, and the shirt he wore inside was dirty with blood all the way down to his chest. The bridge of his glasses bent diagonally and clung to his nose. The quarrel with his family had escalated, and his father snapped. Kitamura, who couldn’t compete in a battle of physical strength, said he’d run away.

“I’m really sorry…that I couldn’t tell you all this time.”

“Yeah.”

“Really…I’m sorry for all of it.”

“It’s fine.”

Kitamura, seeming embarrassed, ruffled his own hair. He took a deep breath, as though he were preparing himself for something. Even in the dark, his eyes were obviously bruised. He rubbed them and licked his split lip.

“I know that I made everyone worried. I know that Aisaka is running for me. I understand it all. And…because everyone was so worried about me, it got harder and harder to tell anyone. It was terrible, it was idiotic, it was pitiful. You must have thought that too, after hearing it from Murase, right, Takasu? And you were coming to question me about it at my house, right?”

Slowly, while watching the surface of the river, Kitamura continued. I just couldn’t talk about it, he said.

That I liked the president.

The student council had gone camping in the summer, and at that time he found out Kanou Sumire wanted to go abroad after she graduated. He knew about that grand and incredibly distant dream. He had already realized he couldn’t go with her, with his abilities.

“She’s going to become an astronaut.”

“Wh-wha?! Uh?! Uhhh?!”

“It seems impossible, right? But she got a direct introduction to an American university for space engineering from a professor, and it went from being a dream to being real. She said she’s going to start studying shuttle development. She said she wants to be an engineer so she can see a world humanity has never gone to.”

You mean Kanou Sumire…the patriarch? Ryuuji couldn’t move his mouth past an “Uh.”

He knew the patriarch was amazing, but he couldn’t imagine that she was actually trying to reach for something as big as that, for things as big as space and all of humanity. Studying abroad in America was a big enough deal to dazzle Ryuuji’s eyes. That was a world that was already distant enough not to seem real. No, it wasn’t that… It wasn’t just that.

It was that Kitamura liked the president. That was it. That was the first he had heard of that. Kitamura Yuusaku, tell me more about that. But Kitamura was already continuing on, like he was talking to himself.

“Because of that, I was already on a direct route to a broken heart. I was completely resolute about giving up. I was going to figure out my feelings by graduation and tell her ‘Do your best!’ I was going to be the loudest voice in the crowd. And I was going to wave my hand and smile as I sent her off—that was what I decided. When the time came, I would cheer on the president from the bottom of my heart, with no regrets. That was…”

His voice suddenly cracked. He gulped and took a deep breath. This time, Ryuuji waited and pretended like he hadn’t noticed until Kitamura regained control over his breathing.

“But then suddenly…”

“Right…”

“While we were cleaning after the culture festival, suddenly, she said she was going. She said she would be going next month. She wouldn’t wait for graduation; she’d go when it was convenient for them over there. She would withdraw from school and get her high school qualifications remotely. I was a mess; I thought I had at least four more months. It was unfair. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t figured myself out yet. I panicked. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t say anything. And…the president hadn’t said anything to me. Well, I don’t know what I wanted her to say to me.”

Kitamura gripped the railing of the stone bridge. Ryuuji couldn’t find any words to say.

“Around then…I was just thinking I didn’t even leave an impression on her at all. I liked her for the past two years, and I didn’t make any impression on her heart—not a single one. I’m not even a speck of dust to her. The president only saw her dream; I just existed in a corner of her vision. I realized I was just useless. I was an idiot, and I hadn’t grown at all. I realized my life until now hasn’t had any worth. It’s been meaningless and useless. So…well, that’s how it is.”

He had wanted to throw it all away, quit, and break everything, so he rebelled. He pushed up his blond hair and put on a pitiful smile.

He had thrown away everything he cared for—even thrown away everything about himself. He had just wanted to yell, everything is trash! I know that now! This honors student had done all of that.

“I thought that if I did that, maybe the president would have said, ‘That’s not true.’ If that happened, ahhh…it looks like I really am an idiot.”

“You’re not. You just got hurt.”

Ryuuji gripped the railing, mirroring Kitamura’s pose. He was surprised at the cold and how painful the rough surface felt against his bare hands. Like I’ll lose, he thought, gripping it harder. He had thought the reason for Kitamura’s agony had been stupid, and now, he was regretting it.

Because he was so serious and because that unrequited love was sincere, Kitamura had suffered. Now that he was by Kitamura’s side listening to the story, he understood the full extent of his hurt. This, too, might have been a conceited misunderstanding, but it was still what Ryuuji thought.

“But…it’s not like you had to give up in the first place. You don’t have to have the same goals and well, if it worked out…wouldn’t it be good enough to go home to the same house? Would confessing really have been that futile if that was what you were aiming for? It’s true that she’s amazing enough to make anyone do a double take and that she had a ridiculous goal in mind but…it’s not any different from having a career goal. A salary man isn’t below an astronaut. If you’re serious about it, it doesn’t matter what you are—an entertainment worker, someone in sales, a mangaka, an author, a fisherman, an architect, a convenience store worker, a school teacher. Anyone working those jobs can still be amazing. Thinking that you can’t follow her is a strange realization to come to.”

“I…couldn’t think about it that way.”

Kitamura’s voice sank and faltered.

“Her dream was just so amazing, I didn’t think I could compete once it came true. I thought she would think I was embarrassing, since I couldn’t reach for a goal as high as her. I want to follow her even if she goes far away, but I feel like I can’t do it. I don’t want to become baggage. I don’t want to bother her or drag her down. I don’t want her to hate me. But there isn’t a way for me to reach the president’s level, anyway. There isn’t a foreigner who would give me an introduction, and I couldn’t withdraw from school to fly to another country. In the end, I can’t just keep being the underclassman who’s yearning for the president…can I?”

“Don’t you cry.”

“I’m not.”

Ryuuji’s chest also quietly hurt.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t understand Kitamura’s feelings about giving up on his unrequited love. ‘No job is better than another.’ That was easy to say, but his words were definitely just for show. An astronaut was someone special. They were someone who had been chosen to handle that responsibility. They had the heavy burden of humanity’s dreams on their shoulders as part of their job. No matter how financially successful you were or how great you were at any other job, it wasn’t the same. He really did understand that, but he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t say that because his morals would eat away at him, but he actually did understand.

Even if you could wave from the ground, cheer them on, and support them, you would never be equal. It wasn’t just the distance that set them apart.

He knew that.

“Well, because of that, I tried dyeing my hair. I tried running away. My parents were mad from the start, but they were just looking out for me until then. And then we got to today, and they started asking me stuff like, ‘Are you actually thinking of the future’ and ‘Looks like you’re not entering the student council election’…so I said I’d stop going to school. And, well, they bought it.”

“That’s also…how do I put this…that was really plucky…”

“So, I got beat up like this. This was the first time I’d been in a fight, so I was so surprised. Getting punched really does hurt. I was scared when my dad got angry, and then I ran away. It wasn’t as though I could have given a reason if anyone asked me why I wanted to quit school. It’s not like I could say I was desperate because my heart was broken.”

“I have to at least ask…but you don’t actually want to quit school, right?”

“Of course not. I don’t want to do something like that at all. What I want—if it all comes together the way I want, is for the president to go back to her original schedule for going abroad and then for me to become the president and look cool while doing it. I want to be able to tell her, ‘Leave the rest to me!’ or something… Then, I want the president to think something like, ‘Kitamura has become a guy that I can trust.’ That’s really what I want.”

“Your personality is really coming through. You didn’t even mention wanting the president to like you back.”

“Right, that’s also a possibility. That’s such a reach, I hadn’t even thought of it.”

Without thinking, Ryuuji laughed. Then he mulled over Kitamura’s wishes in the back of his head, and a realization struck.

“Right. You really do want to be elected.”

“You got me.”

Kitamura laughed. In a low voice, which was similar to the sound of how he’d cried, he confessed the secret in his heart.

“Right. I do. I want to become a great president. A vice president is nominated by the president. When I was chosen as the vice president, I was really happy. I thought that the president was recognizing me a little. But the president is leaving. And if I become president, I feel like everything would really come to an end. No, in reality, we’ve already reached the end. Whether I become the president or not, the president and I still need to go our separate ways. But I got caught up in being contrary. I didn’t want the feelings from when she nominated me to be vice president to be negated. It was true she recognized me, and I want to become someone who can meet those demands. That was the type of man I wanted to become: someone the president would recognize as the new student council president. But I also didn’t, because if I did, it would all be over. Well, it’s already over. I’ve been going in this loop this whole time.”

“It didn’t go the way you hoped it would… So that’s life…”

Suddenly hit by nostalgia, Ryuuji sort of wanted to laugh a little. Instead, the laugh became a waft of white breath that slipped out of his mouth.

“What was that all of a sudden?”

“Well, I just remembered something. Taiga was saying something similar in early spring. She had a lot of things that didn’t go the way she planned and…so we went to a family restaurant and were talking about how life was hard, and in the end, Taiga snapped and kicked a telephone pole until it bent over.”

“Oh, as expected of Aisaka… That’s on a completely different level from me.”

Ryuuji looked up at the sky and searched for quiet Orion.

Taiga’s tears had stopped, and they turned up towards the still-twinkling group of stars until they started walking again.

He didn’t think the weak light of the distant stars could die. Though they were hindered by the layer of pollution in the atmosphere and the selfish light of the streets, the stars were still shining on that day, even when separated by tens of thousands of years. The same stars and the same light continued to shine as they had on that day. They hadn’t disappeared.

They would shine on the day he had been with Taiga, this day, the next day, and the day after that.

“Hey…do you think you can see Orion in America, too?” Kitamura asked, looking up at the night sky in the same way.

“I wonder…maybe you could see it in the same season? America is so wide.”

“Yeah…you wouldn’t be able to see it in the same way as from here. Right…the country is so far away.”

“But it’s a lot closer than a star is to another star. Even if a star faded, and the constellation changed, what you’re looking at is still the same constellation. Even if you’re not beside it, even if you can’t see it together, once night comes, once the season comes, you’ll definitely be able to see the same stars—you’ll be able to see the same thing.”

Right. That wouldn’t change.

If you stopped, looked up at the sky, and searched for the stars, your feelings for someone else looking up at the same stars wouldn’t disappear.

If you only knew that, no matter how distant you were—

“Huh? Takasu, did you hear that just now.”

“Hm?”

Kitamura started glancing around. Then he pointed a finger. At the same time, that voice also reached Ryuuji’s ears.

Ryuuuujiiii, it said.

Youuu iiidiiioooot doooog, it said.

Weaving through the dry grass, the long-haired silhouette swayed. Wrapped in a men’s scarf, wearing a frilly dress covered by a knit parka, Taiga called Ryuuji’s name as she walked the wrong way.

“Oh no… Of course. I don’t want to look this beat up and pitiful in front of a girl.”

Kitamura heaved himself up. He dusted off his lame cotton pants and waved his hand at Ryuuji without turning around.

“I’m heading out first. I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow…at school.”

“Kitamura…are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ll apologize to my dad…and decide. I’ll decide it once and for all for myself.”

He muttered in a low voice and started walking away. Ryuuji stood up to see his retreating back when it happened.

“Oh! I see you! Why you, Ryuuji!”

She probably hadn’t noticed Kitamura, who disappeared into the grass in the opposite direction. As soon as Taiga saw Ryuuji, she started running at him with a pretty frightful face. He was probably in for a horrific beating. He might be punched. He prepared for it. He loosened his knees so he could avoid a punch, no matter where it came from.

“You! You just jumped out without listening to me asking you to stop; what are you doing here?!”

“Whoa…”

In the blink of an eye, Taiga’s ice-cold hands went right for his neck.

It was far more efficient than beating him up. He felt himself drifting away from the extreme cold almost immediately.

“I went after you right away, but I lost sight of you and got lost. I asked a kid I ran into if someone with a demonic face came by, and they were shaking when they told me that there was someone heading to the river bank looking like they were going after their prey. Oh, so you’re a feral stray now… You even traumatized a kid who was just passing by…”

As they walked side by side on the promenade with the long grass around them, Taiga huffed. Her breath was white, and he noticed now that the night was extremely cold. It seemed the reason he was shaking was because of the weather.

“So. Did you really go to beat up Kitamura-kun?”

“No.”

“Then what were you doing here this whole time? What was that call?”

“I can’t say.”

He intended to keep it a secret forever that he had talked to Kitamura there. He thought Kitamura must have talked because it was him. Even if Taiga punched him and kicked him, even if he was pushed to the brink of death, even if he was crucified to a cross and taken to Sado, the exile island, even if he was put in a neck brace… Still looking at his shoes as he walked, Ryuuji stopped breathing right then.

“Uggguhhhh!”

He hadn’t thought that he would actually be strangled to death. The river that flowed beside him visually crossed over with the river Styx, and he actually was frightened to the point he tried to brush her away.

“Stop walking.”

“Uhh?”

He noticed the softness of what was strangling him.

Like Ryuuji had for her, Taiga had wrapped him in the scarf. She was as high as she could go behind him, but they still had a height difference. Awkwardly, and without taking her strength into consideration, she was clumsily and violently strangling him as she wrapped it around his neck twice like a lasso.

“Guuuuuuh!”

“You’re so fussy…”

Squeeze. She wrung his neck from behind… No, actually, she just tied the scarf in place. She hit the knot to signal she was done. He writhed from the pain and loosened the cashmere that was piled around his neck until he could finally breathe. Then he was wrapped in its soft warmth.

The smell that came to his nose wasn’t his own but what always came from Taiga’s hair. It was like the translucent nectar that would drip from sweet flowers. Her smell had been embedded in it from all the times he lent it to her.

A girl’s smell—it was the smell of shampoo or hair mousse or hair wax, or the smell of the bare skin from her neck, behind her ears. Anyway, it was warm cashmere that had the traces of her thirty-six-degree Celsius heat. Like Taiga would, he brought it right below his nose. He pressed his cold hands to his mouth and breathed out. It became even warmer from the heat of his own breath. In the wind of the too-cold, early winter night, he finally raised his face.

There were little bits of dry weeds coming out and dry sand scattered on the road. There was no one before them and no one behind them. Sometimes, far away, the sound of a running car would go by faintly. Other than that, there was the sound of the wind and their footsteps mixing with the sounds of the running river. In the endless expanse of black sky, the light of the stars continued to twinkle, no different from that other day.

Even if they couldn’t see them, even if they were far away, even if they were just a mirage of the past, the groups of stars above Ryuuji’s head were always there. They were there on that day and had been there the previous day. They would probably be there the next day, too. Whether they cried or laughed, the stars would continue to be there, unchanging. Even if there were days where cold rain would fall, or nights when his body wouldn’t stop shivering, or days when he wouldn’t want to open his eyes, the stars beyond the clouds would still be there.

They were there.

And then, there was something that wasn’t all that different from the stars there, too.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“I’m too hot.”

Like usual, Taiga’s voice was calm, cold, and unhappy. The freezing wind was exactly like the blueness of the blinking stars. Her flickering hair was a mess. He pulled the knit hood that had been against her back onto her head. Taiga let it happen without saying anything, but she pulled her hair out and pulled the hood down to the bottom of her eyes.

“So what were you actually doing?” As she said that, her face and hair were hidden by the hood, so he couldn’t see them.

“I said I can’t say.”

It was probably good he couldn’t see them.

“I see…”

As they exchanged words here and there, he warmed himself with the heat of his sighs. He slowly restored his body heat to his chilled core.

Both of them had their hands in their pockets. They were thirty centimeters apart. Even if they didn’t hold hands, Taiga wouldn’t go any further than that, and stayed beside Ryuuji. From below the hood, every once in a while, her eyes would glitter slightly as they walked step by step together.

Taiga. He said her name without making a sound.

Taiga—

Kitamura isn’t a star.

He wasn’t a mirage of something tens of thousands of light years away.

He was a person who, just like her, would also get lost and stop, but still walk forward under the light of the same stars.

There were stars that would someday fade, but Taiga, Ryuuji, Kitamura, and someone somewhere would see the same star fade. People would continue to look up at the same stars and would think of someone also looking at those stars. Then, they would keep walking.

So even Taiga wasn’t alone. No matter how often she said, “I’ll live on my own,” there was someone who would be looking at the same stars she looked at—and even if the starry night inevitably changed, it would always still be there, and someone—right now, though it didn’t amount to much, it was him—would also be looking up at them.

“Ryuuji. I’m a little hungry.”

“Right. Do you want convenience store oden?”

There was a pause.

“…Yeah!”

Taiga’s voice crossed the hush of the night.

***

The next day was Friday.

When he came to school, Kitamura Yuusaku’s hair was dyed a lame pitch-black that could only be described as Maruo-esque. At the stairway of the shoe cupboards, he changed his shoes. 

“Huh, that’s Kitamura?” 

“He’s been rehabilitated.” 

“Which means…maybe?!” 

The whispers crossed the halls, and Kitamura continued to slowly walk among them. There was somewhere he needed to be.

“Tomorrow is already voting day!”

“I’ll follow anyone who doesn’t vote all the way to the edge of hell…uh?”

Taiga and Ryuuji had mics in one hand and were going through their last day election speeches. But the two of them noticed Kitamura, and their words were suddenly stolen from them.

“Kitamura…”

“Kitamura-kun…”

Kitamura was smiling.

“Sorry. You two can stop. Actually, if you cause any more disorder, I won’t forgive you! Kitamura Yuusaku will lead this school down the right path!”

In that moment, with the same volume as the worry that had built up until that point, the students who had come to school gave Kitamura a grand applause. It was as though they were saying, We were waiting! The plants also clapped along with everyone else. Ami, who had just come to school, too, was only surprised for a second as the others filled her in. Goody-two-shoes face in place, she started clapping.

Kitamura had finally decided. As Ryuuji exchanged looks with his friend, he couldn’t stop an embarrassingly large smile from forming on his face. “No way, Takasu-kun’s snapped!” someone yelled, but Ryuuji’s expression didn’t change.