Toradora! - Volume 6 - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He wasn’t expecting the conversation at all.

“Wha?!”

Ryuuji returned an unblinking stare to the face of the spinster (aged 30) before him. After homeroom had ended, they had been called into the teacher’s office, which was steeped in awkward silence.

“D-don’t look at me with your eyes narrowed like that… You make me feel self-conscious about my wrinkles…”

“Oh, I’m not looking at those. But…is it true? Are you sure there hasn’t been a mistake?”

“It’s true. Kitamura-kun still hasn’t submitted his candidate paperwork. There’s a teacher from class A who’s looking for a student who had said they would enter if Kitamura-kun didn’t announce his candidacy. We’re trying to get a handle on the circumstances.”

“That must be Murase-kun, right? When we were talking at the lunch break, he was ecstatic and completely convinced Kitamura would enter.”

“I see… Is Kitamura-kun still in the classroom?”

“Well, I came here as soon as I was called, so I’m not sure… Actually, you didn’t have to go out of your way to call for me indirectly like that. Couldn’t you have just asked him in here yourself?”

“I don’t want to interrogate him in the classroom. Not in front of the people when they’re happy about Kitamura-kun running. If I had asked, ‘You haven’t registered yet, but you’re going to submit your candidacy right?’ and made him answer yes or no right there, it would have definitely put pressure on him…hmm…” 

The bachelorette must also have been bewildered. As she sat in her chair, she took a long and heavy breath. Then, she gave her back a good stretch. Crick crack-crack—the sound her back made was spectacular. Ryuuji felt the urge to lower his head and thank her. The thirty-year-old-spinster-homeroom teacher had been at Kitamura’s mercy just as much as Ryuuji—or rather, she might have had it even worse. After everything that happened with Kitamura, she was tired to the point her entire back was a creaking mess. She had been worried about so many things, and in the end, Kitamura didn’t even turn in his candidacy forms.

Ryuuji wondered what was up with Kitamura’s declaration from that morning. Even though Kitamura announced he was running, he might have actually had a change of heart. No—maybe he actually just forgot to turn in the form. It was too early to be jumping to conclusions. No matter how much Ryuuji let his imagination run wild, he would never reach the right answer without asking Kitamura himself.

“Anyway, I’ll bring him here.”

“Please. According to the rules, if he doesn’t turn in the forms by four, he won’t be eligible for the election.”

With a hurried bow, Ryuuji flew out of the teacher’s office. Just as he did that, a teacher called, “No running!” As a compromise Ryuuji continued with the longest strides he could muster at a hurried, restless pace. When he reached the hallway, he mixed into the students who were leaving school; he was the only one headed back to class. He took the stairs two at a time.

Ryuuji had completely believed Kitamura turned in the registration form already. Of course, the others must have thought the same thing. If Kitamura had already gone home, he didn’t know what he would do.

“Whoa!”

“Hm? What’s wrong, Takasu?”

You were here all along. The moment he opened the classroom door praying for just this eventuality, he found Kitamura all too obviously sitting in his seat, getting ready to go home. Just like that, Ryuuji felt exhausted. There were several other people who stayed behind in the classroom, but there was no sign of Taiga, Minori, or Noto.

“Wh-where are Taiga and the others?”

“They said something about a pancake café opening today at the train station. They joined up with Ami’s group and were all gung ho about going. It was like they were one huge family. Noto and Haruta were with them, too. They invited me, but I decided not to go. They didn’t know where you were, so they headed out without you. We’re the leftovers, huh?”

Ryuuji lost his voice in the face of Kitamura’s excessively normal and bright smile. He was unintentionally staring at that beaming face.

“Hey now, what’s wrong? Is there something on my face? Oh, I guess I’ve got a bandage on.” In an attempt at humor, Kitamura touched the lingering, painful-looking cut at the corner of his mouth. 

With a sigh, Ryuuji muttered, “Well, I wouldn’t be in the mood to just pop into a café. Would you?”

“…”

At that moment, Kitamura’s smile quietly froze. When he saw that expression, Ryuuji understood. Kitamura hadn’t forgotten to turn in the paperwork.

Kitamura was still lost.

Seriously, what does this guy think he’s doing? He cradled his head and held back the gripe he had almost let loose. He endured the overbearing exhaustion he felt and tried to keep himself as composed as possible. He wouldn’t be helping anyone if he let himself get frustrated here. There wasn’t any point to coercing Kitamura into running for the election. It wasn’t as though getting Kitamura to run was the right thing to do. It wasn’t the solution to Kitamura’s complex and unmanageable feelings.

It wasn’t a matter of Kitamura making the right choice between running for student council president or not. It was a matter of Kitamura making a choice. Neither choice was right or wrong. That was probably why he continued to hesitate for so long. He was probably trying to come up with an answer, like he was pulling a string from within his own body.

But they were coming down against the clock.

“The spinster said registration closes at four.”

Ryuuji looked at the clock. The hands were pointing at three forty. There were twenty minutes left.

“What are you going to do? Are you actually going to leave it like this?”

He didn’t want to say anything more intrusive. He didn’t want to say anything, but really he—

“Let’s go home, Takasu.”

“Wha?!”

Kitamura’s reply came so readily, he was struck dumb.

“My fellow leftovers, let’s go home.”

Ryuuji had misread the situation. Kitamura hadn’t been hesitating. He had wholeheartedly decided that he wasn’t entering the election.

“G-go home? Are you sure? Everyone thinks you’re entering the election. Are you serious about this?”

“I changed my mind. I thought about it for the whole day and decided I definitely don’t want to do it.”

“You still have twenty more minutes to think it over…”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to think about it. Don’t make me repeat myself anymore. Come on, get ready to go. I’ll wait for you.”

“Kitamura…”

He wasn’t able to say another word beyond that. Kitamura had already settled on a choice. If that was the case, there was nothing more he could say.

Pressed on by Kitamura, Ryuuji prepared to go home. He took up his bag and remembered Taiga still had his scarf from that morning. They opened the door and went into the hallway. He couldn’t help but feel slight panic in Kitamura’s place. Was it really okay, after getting to this point? Was it really fine?

No, he knew well enough that there wasn’t any use in panicking. If Kitamura himself didn’t know whether this was good or bad, Ryuuji couldn’t ever know, no matter how much he thought it over. On the other hand, Kitamura was too composed.

“It’s been a while since we’ve gone home together, Takasu. Between student council and clubs…I guess we haven’t walked home together since our first year?”

“Right, I guess it has been that long. Right…”

“How about we stop by somewhere in commemoration? We should avoid the station since Ami and the others are there. How about we go to pseudobucks? I’m not really interested in sissy things like a pancake café anyway.”

As Kitamura started to briskly walk, Ryuuji watched his back. After a while, Ryuuji let out the breath he had been holding in. He gave up.

Yes, the truth was Ryuuji had wanted to see Kitamura become the student council president. He wanted to see his friend in the student council and acting like a demonic coach in his own element. He had thought it would definitely suit Kitamura. He thought Kitamura would have been a great president. However, Kitamura had made his decision. It wasn’t as though Ryuuji could decide he didn’t want to find out where the story would lead from that decision. He couldn’t abandon Kitamura as he continued down that road. 

Ryuuji decided he would see where Kitamura would end up. He decided to continue being Kitamura’s friend in the life he had chosen.

All right, he thought as he jogged after Kitamura. The two boys walked together uncomfortably, side by side.

“Right, men go to pseudobucks. I’ll get black coffee and a chili dog.”

“That’s Takasu—you keep things simple. I’ll have coffee, too, and cinnamon toast… No, that’s too girly. I’ll go with cheese toast.”

“Good choice. Men don’t have cream after school.”

“That’s right! And we don’t put steamed milk in our coffee!”

“We don’t need it at all! We get black coffee and look at that pseudobuck’s gramp’s annoying face!”

“Right, Sudoh-san’s face! Me, I’m going to read a sports magazine!”

“Right, I will too!”

They were talking big. 

“Right on!” 

Ryuuji and Kitamura raised their arms and left the classroom in step. As they walked down the hallway without talking about anything that would bring them down, Ryuuji thought, whatever would be would be.

He wasn’t giving into despair at all, or to desperation. It was just one truth.

Everything could only become what it was supposed to become. No matter what they thought about or what they worried about, in the end, they could only continue walking and see where they ended up. They would make decisions in succession, one step at a time. Even the destination that they arrived at, the result of those decisions, was just another stop where they would need to decide something else. The direction they headed was only the place they had decided to go, and only the one who had decided to head there could go down it.

Faced with all those choices, people sometimes lost their courage and wanted to escape. But excuses were no good. No matter how tough the long journey could become, no matter how useless it seemed, it would still be the road you chose. It was a road you forged as you went. Even if it was a meager trail, you couldn’t do it over, and you couldn’t blame it on someone else. No matter how full of dissatisfaction you were, you walked along that road alone, and no one could change it for you.

“Aah…it’s been a while. The sunset’s pretty.”

“Yeah…”

He believed.

He believed that no matter which road Kitamura chose to take, no matter where the road ended up, it would be right for Kitamura. Kitamura would go ahead to make a path for himself where the right or wrong choice didn’t matter.

Kitamura narrowed his eyes in the hallway, which was dyed in glaring orange. He cast his gaze out the window. He had come to a halt, probably because of how beautiful the sunset was.

“Right… I haven’t walked home with you for over a full year. Realizing that is a pretty big shock. I had club activities, but the student council activities I had every day were an even bigger factor in that.”

“After that bus tour in May when we sat together and started talking, you joined the student council pretty quick.”

“Yeah, that’s right. How nostalgic… Yeah, we hadn’t talked to each other until May either. You were miserable and on edge.”

“Of course I was. There were already rumors spreading from the entrance ceremony that I had a criminal record. Even you believed that—you were keeping away from me.”

“No, no way. Nuh-uh. I was caught up in something else right after the entrance ceremony. I wasn’t paying attention to anybody in the class. Ah, right. I haven’t told you about what happened then. I didn’t think there was anything to talk about, though…”

In the light of the sunset, Kitamura suddenly headed toward the bulletin board.

There, Taiga’s jet-black, ominous campaign posters were pinned up in a line. Kitamura gently removed one poster’s thumbtack and rescued the paper that had been hidden beneath. In prominent and masculine ink-brushed letters, it had just a single message: “Don’t run. –The Student Council.” He returned the poster to its rightful place and shifted it so that “Don’t run.” was visible.

As he watched Kitamura’s hands, Ryuuji listened to Kitamura’s voice.

“Right when we had just entered school, I was super excited. I wanted to have that so-called high school debut. I didn’t have a great junior high experience, so I decided I would have as much fun as I could in the new world I was in.”

“Oh…”

“When you think of a fun high school life, you end up wanting a girlfriend, right? Right then, there was a rumor of a super pretty girl in another class. She’d come from a famous private girl’s junior high school, and she seemed like she was super ladylike. It got me thinking, so I went out of my way to see her and…it was completely love at first sight. She was so cute, and I thought that if I got to know a girl that cute, my life would be rosy. But while I was watching her, I noticed all the guys who had gone to confess to her had come back crying. Supposedly, she would shower them with terrible insults and pretend to threaten them with violence to the point she would ruin each guy’s pride. Oh, do you get it already? Do you know who I’m talking about?”

“Well, just keep going…”

He couldn’t say, I already knew that. Ryuuji just hid his face and looked back at Kitamura’s thin glasses frames, which were reflecting the orange light.

“I was elated. I couldn’t imagine what that beautiful girl would do, but I definitely wanted to know. So, one day, Aisaka—oh, I let it slip. Well, it’s fine. Right, I went to visit Aisaka at her class. I said excuse me, and I checked to make sure no one else was on the stairway landing. Then, I said, ‘You’re beautiful!’ I confessed my honest feelings to her. Then Aisaka yelled, ‘You’re gross!’ and she got me with this amazing left straight hook. She stopped just a millimeter away from my nose. When her fist stopped, there was this sound from the wind blowing by… It was the first time I’d met a girl like that, and I was completely moved. I got scared and fell on my butt, but I got up. Then I said one more time, ‘It’s okay! I dig that straight punch!’ And bared myself to her. I reached out my hands like this. Then, Aisaka must have thought I was attacking her. She didn’t hesitate for even a second. She just went ‘Die, you pervert!’ …That time she got me with a right hook. She didn’t stop right before hitting me that time; she came at me, aiming for my internal organs, under my ribs. I couldn’t get up that time, of course, and ended up sitting at the stairs and listening to Aisaka walk away.”

“How violent… Actually, you really are pitiful, aren’t you…”

“That’s right, I was pitiful back then. It hurt, and she also completely hated me. My rosy high school life was getting further and further away. I was down. Then that person was there. She appeared from the shadows of the stairs. It was Kanou Sumire. ‘I saw everything, freshman. You got rejected, right? It’s fine, your high school life has just started. Come to the student council! We always have a mountain of easy desk work; you can get busy with getting yourself on your feet again!’ Before I knew it, she had taken me to the student council room. That’s actually the same technique we use at the student council. There aren’t many people who want to join general affairs every year, so you go fishing for some new student who’s having a tough time. And she caught me good.”

He said “we” when he was talking about the student council, but Kitamura didn’t notice his slip of the tongue as he turned his gaze to the setting sky.

“She hooked me, I joined the council, and then…and now I’m here. I became friends with Aisaka. That rosy dream I wanted so badly came true. We’ve eaten lunch together, gone on a trip to the ocean together, danced together at the culture festival…and right, Aisaka even told me that she likes me. Well, even when she said she liked me, what she really wanted to tell me was something else—”

Kitamura grinned and looked at Ryuuji.

“Well, it’s fine. It’s not something for me to say. It’s just that it was getting fun. Every day was really fun, and though I don’t have a girlfriend, my high school life has definitely become rosy. When the president talked to me, took me by the arm, and led me away, that uncertain first step I took wasn’t in vain. From there, from that one step, that’s when all the fun started. I definitely think that. But…”

Suddenly he stopped talking. Kitamura’s smile disappeared as though it had been blown away.

It wasn’t that he wouldn’t walk—he couldn’t walk. He was eloquently talking about his feet, which had come to a halt. Even though he had decided to leave aside the election and go home with Ryuuji, he still couldn’t move forward.

He was supposed to have made his one choice, but he couldn’t step forward to get to that place.

Then, the rest of what he said might have been just for himself.

“It’s not that I don’t want to become the president. It’s just that I don’t want to part with her. But no matter how much I hate it, and no matter how I whine about it, time doesn’t stop. Reality won’t change. In the end…I haven’t prepared myself to choose whether to become president or not. In all honesty…to be completely honest, I just want to run away from it. I can’t accept that the president is going to be gone. I want to run away to a world where that won’t happen. But that world doesn’t exist.”

Ryuuji looked at the top of his friend’s bowed head. He couldn’t find anything to say but simply stood beside Kitamura’s paralyzed form.

“There’s nowhere to run. I have to make do with this world, with reality. In order to do that, I have to accept reality and keep going forward. I know that. But…I can’t step forward. My legs freeze. I can’t move because I hate it so much. It’s too hard to accept the reality that follows this. It didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I know that I have to keep going. But I don’t want to take a step towards it. I can’t stop the flow of time. It’s always that… Just stupid things like that…”

The light of dusk faintly hurt the back of his eyes.

Kitamura got choked up on his words, and as though he had even lost the power to stand, he sat down.

Was it right for Ryuuji to tell him it would be fine? Ryuuji also choked on his words. It’ll be fine because the damage from your broken heart will eventually disappear—was he supposed to say that, even though it felt wrong? Or was he supposed to say, the day will come when the patriarch will eventually notice how great you are and turn your way. Or something else?

No. He knew that had to be wrong.

Someone who knew well enough that they needed to step out into the real world, but stood around paralyzed and blaming himself, didn’t need words of comfort or something to give him courage. What he needed wasn’t that, but—

“Whoa!”

In surprise, he raised his voice.

A long shadow stretched over from Kitamura as he crouched. The shadow wrapped itself around him like an embrace, but the person who owned the shadow wasn’t smiling sweetly.

Instead, the person only looked over at Ryuuji and raised a slight eyebrow. It was as though they were saying, “What a mess.”

“Yo. You idiot.”

“…”

Ryuuji could see Kitamura’s shoulders shake.

Unable to turn around, like a defenseless child, Kitamura continued to expose his rounded back to the girl he loved.

“I’ve been walking around looking for someone down in the dumps to hook them—have you seen anybody? We’ve got quite a workload with the vice president suddenly disappearing on us.”

“I haven’t seen anyone. Actually, right now, I’ve got a super funny face on.”

“Can’t fool me. What you’re saying sounds down in the dumps.”

“I’m very sorry about that…”

“If you’re sorry, then put those foul feet down somewhere. It doesn’t matter where. If you’ve got enough time to think about how you’re down, you might as well finish planting that foot you’ve got raised somewhere.”

BAM! As though she were modeling it for him, Kanou Sumire stomped her foot right behind Kitamura’s butt. Kitamura’s shoulders quivered again at the sound and the force of her frightful foot.

“Or is it that you’ve decided to abandon the kids who’ve been waiting and believing in you and following behind you, Kitamura Yuusaku? Are you the type of man who can do that? Huh? Have the last two years been that trivial to you? Do you really not need this anymore? Your feelings—your foot is up, isn’t it? You raised it in order to take a step, didn’t you? Where are you planning on planting that foot? Is it not going forward? You thinking of running away backwards or to the side? Isn’t your path forward? Huh?! Have you just been spending your life in that blockheaded pose, worrying and thinking about how to stop time and escape from reality when you can’t do anything about those things?! Are you an idiot?!”

Her voice was low and intimidating, and there was no falter in Sumire’s words. Ryuuji heard them loud and clear. Kitamura must have heard them, too.

Sumire was telling him one thing. To put it simply, she had one thing to say.

“There’s a place you want to go, isn’t there?! There is, so you’re hesitating, aren’t you?! Someone who doesn’t have a place they want to go wouldn’t hesitate about whether to go or not! You’re scared because you can see where you’re headed! You know that better than anyone! You’ve already decided it in your gut! Anyway, you can put that foot down! What else is there to do?!”

GO!

Go! Go! Go! Go forward, walk, run!

Go down the path of Kitamura Yuusaku already!

Don’t stop here!

Go!

That was all Kanou Sumire was shouting.

“I’m watching you go. I’m watching to see what kind of president you become. I’m watching to see how you lead everyone at school. No matter how far I am, I’m watching. Don’t be idle. There isn’t anyone who can fool these all-seeing eyes!”

“I…”

She thrust a single piece of paper at his back. It read Student Council President—Notice of Candidacy.

Right, Ryuuji thought.

When someone was reluctant to move forward and dawdling, what they needed wasn’t a supporting hand or comfort—it was a voice that would push them from behind and tell them, GO! They needed a force that was strong enough to send them flying forward, something so strong it might even hurt. That was the way to bring the courage out of them.

“Bye.”

Kanou Sumire put on a masculine grin and gave Ryuuji a single wave. She didn’t turn back as she took long strides away from them. She walked as she usually did, without faltering, and left them. She kept moving forward.

The sunset was still blinding, to the point that they couldn’t open their eyes against the dancing orange light. The patriarch’s back was enveloped in the strong light and immediately became impossible to follow.

But even so.

“Ahhh…now…how can I put this… What time is it now?”

“It’s 3:58.”

“Of course. A super star only comes when it’s most exciting.”

Kitamura took the paper entrusted to him by Sumire and found a way to stand.

Like on a certain night, he looked up at the heavens in the same pose he had once before and took off his glasses. He rubbed roughly at his eyes and combed down his bangs.

“Sorry, I’ve got something I need to do in a rush, so I don’t think I can make it to pseudobucks.”

He firmly put his glasses back in place.

There Kitamura Yuusaku—his friend who was the same as ever—stood with his usual sincerity.

“Right. Too bad. Oh well, next time then.”

“Yeah. We’ll definitely do it next time.”

It would turn out however it would turn out. Ryuuji smiled as he looked back at Kitamura. 

This time, Kitamura went down the same hallway Sumire had left through. He seemed a little nervous, but he didn’t run, staying at a brisk walking pace. He was probably heading alone to the teacher’s room. The bachelorette must be waiting anxiously for Kitamura even now.

Do it, Ryuuji muttered and then headed in the opposite direction. He turned his back and took his own step. That was an exaggeration. He was just heading home.

Everyone was going home alone. They were each choosing their own paths and going forward.

This was good. That wasn’t a lonely thing in the slightest.

Everyone had a place they needed to go. Everyone would walk it alone. They would choose their own paths, and go. Sometimes they would cross paths and sometimes they would be side by side, and at other times they would go separate ways, and they might see each other again at some point. Or they might not.

Above everyone’s heads, the same stars of Orion that they had found that night would continue glittering on. Whether they could or couldn’t see them, they would always be there, unchanging. 

When he lost his path, when he lost the strength to stand, when he thought he couldn’t walk any longer, he would know that everyone came to that crossroads in their life at some point. Ryuuji thought he would look to the heavens when that time came for him, too.

He would look up at the stars glittering in the distance and would think about someone else who was looking at the same stars. No matter how far away it was, even if it was a distance that couldn’t be run, the stars they looked at would definitely be one and the same. Believing in that would give him strength.

The night would brighten and morning would come. In the morning when the stars weren’t visible, the blue of the sky was exactly the color of ice. It was an incredibly cold and clear morning. The chilling winter winds had blown away the clouds.

***

“It’s…cold! Why is the gym colder indoors than outside in the winter?!”

“Well, it really is cold, but try going outside. It’s got to be colder than in here…whoaa…”

Ryuuji’s teeth chattered from the cold along with Noto’s. He stood unintentionally pigeon-toed, his back rounded like a cat’s to make his body smaller, and he had both his hands stuffed desperately into his pockets. He couldn’t do anything about the numbness.

At the time when every student of every year and every class would normally be separated into long homerooms, they decided to have the student council presidential election. The students assembled at the gym, shivering. “C-c-c-c-c-cold.” “B-b-b-b-b-brrr.” The more freezing it was, the more silent it was, and in the chill, the shivering went on. The girls clustered, sticking together in friendly groups to keep warm. That was fine, but Ryuuji wanted to tell the guys to stop. It’s so cold, they said as they folded their arms. The sight of their pimply faces drawing near each other made a chill go down his spine.

Anyway, that day was truly cold. It was cold, it was noisy, and they had to stay standing. It was taking a while to start, and the shivering students couldn’t get excited over it when it was like this. Well, in the summer, it would have been like a sauna, of course, and if they had been sitting, their butts would have been so painfully cold, they’d have felt like dying. In actuality, there wasn’t any good that would come from having an event in the gym.

But everyone from class 2-C was still in that place and shivering, too. They didn’t plan to sneak out and skip it. They were sincere as they looked up at the stage.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuh…”

A low wail that sounded inhuman started up. Taiga had stolen Ryuuji’s scarf that day, too. She brought it up to her nose, reducing her to a mysteriously masked figure. Clinging to Taiga, Minori locked limbs with her; she was fully outfitted with her skirt, jacket, and tracksuit in warmth. Maya and Nanako wore matching sweaters in different colors, pulling the hems down to their limits to wring a little more warmth out of them. Ami had her hands stuck into her jacket pockets, and it seemed like she was handling something desperately—probably a disposable heat pack. She had forgotten her goody-two-shoes iron mask and there were wrinkles on her forehead. She was earnestly trying to survive the cold.

What the students from 2-C were looking up at was a lone boy who stood on the stage.

His hair, which had been dyed back to dandy black, looking trimmed and glossy, was fully Maruo-esque. His glasses were polished till they glittered, and his pursed lips seemed trustworthy. Though there was still the painful looking cut at the edge of his lips, Kitamura stood there with bright eyes.

He had prepared himself to stand and face reality. His face seemed relieved, even as he prepared to accept the pain that would come along with it.

“Uh. Uhh, the mic… Whoa, it’s on. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

A first-year boy from the student council who was going to do the proceedings finally appeared. You’re late! It’s cold! Unreasonable heckling flew at him. But there were odd people around who started up a strangely enthusiastic round of applause that Ryuuji joined in on. The cold gym was filled with a sudden heat by the seriousness of class 2-C.

“Uhh, with that, we’ll proceed with the election of the new student council president. As for candidates, we have the vice president Kitamura Yuusaku-san from class 2-C and no one else.”

Yahoooo! Kitamura smiled painfully at the awkward cheer from those in his class and motioned for them to settle down with a wave of his hand. The student council members, who were lined up below the stage, with Kanou Sumire among them, looked strangely happy as they smiled.

“So then, Kitamura-senpai! Please give your election speech!”

“Yes!” Kitamura walked straight for the mic. With practiced movements, he casually adjusted the mic stand that had been set a little too low.

“Maruo! You can do it!”

“Kitamuraaa! Thanks for saving the school from the Palmtop Tiger!”

The smile and nod that he met the cheers with seemed incredibly trustworthy. In addition, the aura he had was that of a spick and span second year, and his earnestly put together face seemed dazzling. It might have been because he had shown his flaws, but anyway, at that moment Kitamura seemed incredibly reliable.

Ryuuji put his numb hands on his chest like a maiden. Looking good, Kitamura, he thought. His chest was warm. Kitamura must have prepared himself to part ways with her. There was not a single bit of grief or delusion in his gaze. This was the power of someone who had cast aside those things and decided to only face in the direction of progress.

“I’ve already been introduced. I am Kitamura Yuusaku. I—no I—”

He grabbed the mic with his right hand.

Yes, go. Ryuuji thought it as hard as he could, as though he were pushing Kitamura’s back. 

Everyone in the class, everyone in the student council including Kanou Sumire, and all the students who had prayed for Kitamura to run, had to have been holding their breath like Ryuuji. Tell him to go, he thought. Give them an amazing speech that’ll make them envision a fun and bright high school life. Make it clear once and for all who would make the best president. Show them it’s Kitamura Yuusaku—make that clear to the entire school.

“I—”

Kitamura raised his face. He opened his mouth. He took a big breath and then turned to every student in the school… No, that wasn’t it.

“I LOVE YOU PREEEEESIIIIIIDEEEEEENNNNTTT!”

He turned to just one girl, summoning the loudest voice he could muster.

“The reason I’m able to stand here now is because I’ve loved a person like you! I understand that I can’t match you the way I am right now! I know that I have to forget about you now that you’re moving far away! But really, no matter what, I wanted to tell you that! Your voice and your words have always supported me! And I want to ask you! I want to ask you president…whether you have feelings for me even in the slightest! Even now, when I know I should be giving up, I definitely can’t just let go of my feelings! I’m begging you! Somehow—somehow—somehow! Please tell me! Do I have zero hope?! Is there really, actually no special bond between us?!”

Kitamura yelled, his face red as he bowed towards Sumire.

Suddenly, Ryuuji’s head was blank.

And all the students’ mouths were open.

It wasn’t just the students but the faculty. The bachelorette, too. Even Haruta. Everyone had their eyes wide open and were repeating what had just happened in their heads. Not a single person was following the sudden confession. Yes, no one—not even Taiga. Ryuuji looked at Taiga where she stood just a little ahead of him. Taiga was frozen to the spot, and he didn’t know what to make of her expression. Everyone started stirring, but Taiga was the only one who couldn’t move.

“A confession?”

“That was a confession just now, wasn’t it?!”

“What? What does this mean?! He confessed to the patriarch?!”

The commotion gradually turned to elation, and Kitamura, who was gritting his teeth, slowly took on a color in his cheeks that was an unordinary red. What was he doing just turning red like that? Ryuuji couldn’t move yet, either.

Kitamura had finally put down his hesitant foot. The choice that he had made wasn’t what Ryuuji had expected. It wasn’t to run in the election. It seemed it was to change the reality that was too hard for him to accept.

In his death throes, after hating and being too afraid of what was ahead of his choice, he had decided instead to try to change it. He wasn’t trying to escape reality, but he wouldn’t accept it as it was. He had decided to fight it. That was the type of man Kitamura Yuusaku was.

How would this end up? How would this change the future?

“Patriarch! Answer him!”

“Right, tell him!”

“Bring the mic over here!”

The ones who were amused by the situation had at some point seized the mic from the hands of the dumbfounded student council, who were standing stock-still in shock. They put the mic up to Sumire’s mouth like an entertainment reporter.

Sumire looked up at Kitamura on the platform. Their eyes met, and Kitamura was red to his ears, but Sumire’s face didn’t change color. She had her eyebrows raised as usual, as though she had just heard a funny joke.

“It seems that’s the case…”

She very calmly answered into the mic.

She turned her eyes away from Kitamura. She turned to the excited students and shrugged as though she had run into an inconvenience, then smiled.

“How’s that? That’s the vice president, Kitamura Yuusaku, that you all know. Isn’t he a riot? If someone as interesting as that becomes president, this school’s in for a treat. Give him your sincere vote!”

At that spectacular punchline, an applause erupted. Kitamura’s confession was lost like an errant piece of discarded trash as it was pulled into the whirlwind of voices. The gym was wrapped in a roar of laughter. 

“I’ll vote for him!” 

“Me too, me too.”

It seemed that Kitamura, who had no opponents, was getting even more votes.

Ahh.

Very intentionally, Kitamura dramatically looked up and held his head in his arms. He had confessed in front of the whole school and gotten a speech in his support as a response. In the end, he didn’t know whether he had been rejected or not. At that punchline, he pitifully leaned on the mic stand. Theatrically, he lowered his head. He curled back into an impressive ball, as though the scenario had been determined to end like that from the start.

Kitamura’s feelings had been smashed to smithereens until there was nothing left, cleanly erased. He’d lost the fight he had challenged himself to—to change reality.

Even then, as he lowered his face and seemed to hug the mic stand, his shoulders seemed like they were close to shaking from tears. There were probably others beyond Ryuuji who realized that. There might have been…

In the great commotion, Haruta, who had casually been on standby at the bottom of the stage, helped Kitamura down, supporting his shoulders. Noto was at the bottom of the stairs, too, and lent his shoulder to keep people from seeing Kitamura’s back. Kitamura still couldn’t lift his face up. He couldn’t do it. Taiga couldn’t move, either.

The vote came after that. Each classroom had an appointed form. Ryuuji, however, was thinking about what he needed to do. 

What could he do right now for the friend who walked under the same stars and who had been hurt? He thought of the illusion of the night sky in his heart, and his face stiffened.

***

“Kanou-senpai!”

The hallways and stairs leading back to the classrooms were packed to the point that there were traffic jams in progress all over. Regardless, Ryuuji desperately chased a certain girl’s back to the highest story of the school building where he normally never ventured. He stepped into the hallway where the third-year classrooms were lined up.

She might have heard Ryuuji. She was surrounded by her classmates, but Sumire turned around even as they were headed in. She looked at Ryuuji’s face and raised a hand at him. Yo.

“What is this?! Kanou, you’re not getting another confession are you?!”

“Shut up, get into the classroom and don’t make a fuss. I’m heading out for a bit.”

She responded to her classmate’s joke with her usual masculine smile. Then she approached Ryuuji and stopped him from opening his mouth.

“This place is a little too busy. Can’t hear a thing. Come this way.”

The place she led him to was the landing of the stairs to the roof. The din of the higher-ranked students still reached them, but their voices carried better than they had in the hallway.

“So? What’s wrong, Takasu?”

“Why didn’t you give him a real answer?”

Sumire bore into him with her strong eyes. She had her legs spread as she stood imposingly. She was as composed as a king. Without saying a thing, she simply waited for Ryuuji to continue. She wouldn’t be shaken by Ryuuji’s gaze, but he had to face her.

“Why did you run away like that? Weren’t you the one telling Kitamura to put his foot down yesterday? You told him to keep going forward. Weren’t you the one who told him that? How can you talk big and then run away so easily?”

No one was going to ask her why she hadn’t shouted that she loved him back. If she didn’t like him, no one could do anything about it. But that wasn’t what this was. What Ryuuji couldn’t forgive was that Sumire hadn’t caught someone who had jumped straight at her. She hadn’t pushed him back, either. She’d avoided making a choice, and as that person was falling, she had run away and watched from a safe place.

Sumire had been the one, after all, to tell Kitamura to go forward, to push him forward more than anyone. She had denied him the ability to stand still or run away. She had been the person who gave him the courage to continue.

“I just wanted to tell him to enter as a candidate. I didn’t ask him to confess to me. You heard everything, too.”

“Are you really going to run away like that again?”

“Is running away such a bad thing? Being direct is great, but someone who is stupidly honest and only knows how to keep moving forward is going to wind up in awkward situations. I think Kitamura would do well learning to be smarter and more adaptable. And you as well.”

“Smart… You mean like you?!”

It seemed that Ryuuji’s fangs, which he had sunk into the upperclassman he faced, were so painless to Sumire that she could brush them off with a thin smile.

“That’s right. He needs to be smart like me, skillful like me, and to run away when necessary like me. That’s the right way to do things. Learn whatever you need to get to this point. Whether you can or can’t do it is the difference between us.”

As though it were a joke, she pointed at her own head to show she still had more to spare. She continued to keep a smile on her beautiful face. He didn’t have anything to reply with. He wanted to disagree, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t because Sumire was completely right, but because Ryuuji had lost the ability to think clearly. He was frustrated. He couldn’t help but be frustrated when he and Kitamura were being mocked like that.

Not everyone can become like you, he thought.

You have everything, after all.

He turned to the sky and held back his tears. Nothing was certain except the light of the stars. It wasn’t as though someone who could easily run off into a rocket aimed toward God and destined for space could understand the frustrations and suffering of those who desperately walked the bare earth beside him.

But he couldn’t put that into words. Everything that happened that day, that happened to him and his friends, to Kitamura and Taiga, to everyone, overflowed and blocked his throat. If he only had the strength to blow it all away. Everything was frustrating, and Ryuuji could only gnash his teeth in vain like a creature in chains.

Seeing him act like that, Sumire’s eyebrows softened slightly. 

“Anyway, you’re a good friend, Takasu Ryuuji. I wanted to get to know you better. I regret that I didn’t, but time has run out. Goodbye. Be close to Kitamura from here on out. Make sure he doesn’t get used by a cunning snake like me again. Goodbye…”

That was it.

Her eyes were quiet and understanding. Sumire wasn’t upset at all by Ryuuji’s glare as she lightly shrugged and turned her heel. She turned her back to him without hesitation. Following her parting words, she started walking away. For a moment, Ryuuji didn’t realize he was being left behind. In a stupor, he watched her leave.

No, this was no good.

Unable to prepare any words to say back, his feet naturally followed after her. This wasn’t a joke, this wasn’t a point where she could just say goodbye. Like he would let her tie things up this cleanly and then make an exit this grandly. If it all went down the way Sumire wanted, she would leave them to go become the center of a new world where she would continue in a new story. What would happen to the unfulfilled feelings of side character A, who had been left behind in the old world? Once he was out of sight and forgotten, was he out of mind?

Like he would let that happen!

“…”

Right as Sumire disappeared into her classroom, a warm lump hit Ryuuji right in his stomach. When he looked down, he saw the pale whorl of the top of someone’s head right around chest level. That person had run into Ryuuji and was trying to push him back.

“T-Taiga!”

She kept pushing him until his back was against the wall of the landing. Her arms kept them apart. Taiga didn’t raise her face. Her hands were still fused to his body as she stood her ground. Ryuuji grabbed her strangely strong arms in an attempt to push her off, but she pushed them away. For a while, they struggled against each other without saying anything.

“Taiga! Why are you stopping me?! I’m doing this for Kitamura. I’m—”

“Kitamura-kun was crying. Can you go be with him? Ryuuji, please. Please be by Kitamura-kun’s side right now.”

“Ta—”

Taiga raised her face. You’re the one who’s crying, he thought. After being in love with Kitamura for so long, after having such strong but one-sided feelings for him, and after having them shattered in that moment, Taiga had to have been crying. All of that would be in her eyes.

“It can’t be me. I can’t stay by his side.”

But as she looked up at Ryuuji, he could see from up close they weren’t even teary. They had a silver light to them and didn’t so much as quiver. Even though she knew everything now, they were resolute as they inescapably zeroed in on Ryuuji.

“Are you sure you’re fine with that? Are you okay, even with how everything turned out?”

“I’m fine. It’s fine.”

Her slightly dry lips were smiling like soft flower petals. Then, like she had the other night, she stood on tiptoe and wound Ryuuji’s scarf around its owner’s neck. She wrapped it twice from the front and tied it in a stupid-looking knot right under his chin. She gave him a pat.

“It’s fine…so go to Kitamura-kun. Run. Don’t look back, and go straight there.”

“What are you going to do? What are you going to do once you’re alone?”

“I’m fine being alone. I’ll be there right after you, so do it. Please.”

Her colds hands suddenly grabbed both of Ryuuji’s hands. Like the waltz they hadn’t danced in front of the campfire on that night, she turned him around with the weight of her body.

“Go.”

For just a moment, he thought he felt her round forehead against his back. He didn’t have the time to check before Taiga thrust him forward with both her hands, BAM! Then her voice echoed to him: Just run. Don’t turn back. He hesitated, but his feet started running. Ryuuji ran to his crying friend, who had so easily lost a fight of his own making.

After sending Ryuuji off, Taiga watched until she could no longer see his running form. Then she closed her eyes for a bit.

She did think she liked Kitamura. It was past the time for adoring him; it was past the time for being self-conscious about it. She had been in turmoil, though no one knew it, but she thought she still liked him. She knew that knowing that he liked another girl wouldn’t make those feelings disappear.

When she realized the laws of the world—that what she wanted would never be in her hands—and she froze in place, he came to hold her empty hands. He said her name gently and reached out to her empty heart. Then he chose to be by her side. He was the person who had chosen her.

He was such a kind person. She could never have thanked him enough. 

Slowly, she opened her eyes. There was no longer anyone in the hallway. All the students had returned to their classrooms; they were probably enjoying the one time a year they got to play election without any teachers around.

She wanted to do what Kitamura had done for her, but she hadn’t been able to. She couldn’t stay by his side. After knowing that the person he wanted there beside him wasn’t her, after knowing that the person who should have been there wasn’t her, she couldn’t be with him anymore. She was afraid of being hurt. She couldn’t be by his side supporting him, all while accepting the truth. That was her weakness. She was so weak it was out of the question.

But no matter how weak she was, she wanted to do what she could, even if she couldn’t hold his cold hand like he had for her. She wanted to do something, no matter how far apart the two of them really were.

The only things Taiga had given Kitamura so far were burnt failures of fried eggs and a clumsy stuffed animal to commemorate a home run.

But there was something she could give him starting now.

Taiga slowly reached her right hand towards the back of her neck. Her hands checked for the deadly contraband that stuck out of her uniform collar but was hidden by her hair. Ryuuji hadn’t noticed it. She unsheathed it from her back. Maybe she was in the wrong. She might have been. She didn’t know.

All she knew was that once she started walking, she couldn’t stop. 

She couldn’t stop anymore.

She cultivated the explosive rage that made every hair on her body stand on end. She let it devour her weakness and use it for nourishment. Even when the taste of iron spread in her mouth from the cheek she had bit too hard, even when her ragged breathing made her nostrils flare grossly, even when she scowled to the point it hurt, she couldn’t stop anymore. She couldn’t do anything about the pure rage that had obscured her eyes. She wouldn’t be able to get rid of it until she had beaten the person she couldn’t forgive. She ordered her legs to get her there faster before she was fully consumed by her expanding rage. 

Walk faster, she thought. Don’t trip. Take me straight to her.

She stood in front of the door. There was no hesitation in her hand as she threw open the door so hard it seemed close to breaking. BAAM! The upperclassmen looked at her with round eyes.

“KANOU…SUMIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Blood was in her voice as she bellowed. The Palmtop Tiger?! What’s she doing here?! She also yelled at the ones standing to their feet.

“It’s a FIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTT! Kanou Sumire, come OOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTT!”

She swung around her wooden sword. She overturned desks, and someone screamed. People she never laid eyes on before fled in droves. But she wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t stop until that person came out.

“Now this is quite the commotion. So there was another knuckleheaded idiot left among us.”

“I’m gonna kill you after what you did to my friend! You coward! I won’t forgive you…ever!”

Of her own free will, that person slowly approached the hole Taiga had opened up. Taiga swung her wooden sword in a wide, full circle as though she were showing everyone that she would kill anyone who stood in her way. Then, she pointed the tip of the sword right at Sumire’s nose.

“I’ll never forgive you. Even if you don’t face me, and try to run, I’ll follow you. I’ll never, ever let you go.”

“Don’t worry. Who said I’m running? Okay, I’ll take you on.”

A sword! she said, and someone among the circle of third years watching them threw her a bamboo sword that was still in its cover. Sumire caught it with one hand and undid the string tying it with learned motions.

“Running is one piece of wisdom. When it’s appropriate to run, you run. I think that’s correct. If I wanted to run from here, that would be easy. Today, though, I’ll face you of my own will. Aisaka Taiga…I will personally beat the stupidity out of you. I’ll teach you some manners. This whole world is teeming with idiots. I’ve had just about enough of it. You came at just the right time.”

“Hah!”

Taiga didn’t hold back on the girl who underestimated her. She thrust the tip of her sword forward. Sumire brushed it aside, and their eyes met.

“Too bad, so sad… Now, I’ve got brains, and my looks are nothing to scoff at, but I also have good reflexes. That, and I hold ranks in both kendo and aikido.”

Well then, Taiga thought. She smiled. That was quite impressive. She’d thought the fight would end too fast, but it seemed she would be able to take her time enjoying it.

***

When the classroom door suddenly burst open, everyone in class 2-C snapped up to look at the doorway. Ryuuji, Noto, and Haruta looked up as they occupied the seats next to Kitamura, who had his face down and didn’t have anything to say. Maya and Nanako, who had left Kitamura to the boys in favor of watching from a distance, turned to the door. Minori, who was about to go to the bathrooms to find her friend, stared, as did Ami.

“Where’s that delinquent Takasu?! Hurry and come with me! Please, you’ve got to do something about this!”

“…Huh?”

Several upperclassmen were panting raggedly in the doorway. When they caught sight of Ryuuji, they jumped in, grabbed him by the arm, and started pulling him out of the classroom.

“Uh, uh, um, what?! What’s going—”

“Your partner the Palmtop Tiger went over to beat up Kanou! It’s a mess!”

Huuh? He didn’t understand what was going on and was about to ask them to repeat what they had said, but his body was already up. He didn’t need the upperclassmen to lend him a hand. He was already running.

“L-Let’s go, too!”

“Takasu wouldn’t be able to stop her alone!”

“Seriously, what’s going on with Tiger?!”

He didn’t register the classmates who started running with him. What’s that idiot doing? he nearly shouted as he ran up the stairs. He didn’t have to search for the classroom she was in. He didn’t know whether they were students who had fled from the classrooms among the screams or rubberneckers who had gathered to witness the source of the fire, but he yelled at them anyway. 

“Get out of my way! Hey, out of my way! Open up a path! Taiga!”

Whoa, Takasu’s getting in on it, someone yelled. Ryuuji pushed that person away as he arrived at the middle of the battle scene. The desks and chairs had been thrown into disarray. He looked into the middle of the scattered teaching materials and bags.

“Youuuuuuu iiiiiiiiidddddddiiiiiiiiooooooooottttttttt!”

Sumire struck Taiga’s hands with an overhead blow, knocking Taiga’s sword away. Taiga calmly abandoned her weapon and wrapped her free hands around Sumire’s neck in the blink of an eye.

“Idiot, moron, fool, twit. You’ve been yapping away this whole time—”

“Guh!”

A punch sent her face flying up and to the side.

“Yah!”

She righted her head automatically but then got a backhand to the chin. The strength disappeared from Sumire’s knees, and her sword fell to the ground. She lost her balance. She might have fallen, but Taiga spared her nothing. As Sumire sunk down, Taiga rushed at her.

“Daaaaaaaaahhh!”

“Uaah?!”

Taiga took the hem of Sumire’s jacket into her hands. Like magic, Taiga sent Sumire flying lightly through the air with a kick from her small body. Sumire fell onto the ground, back-first, her nose red from blood. Taiga’s face was just about as bloody as she tried to curl into a ball. Their blood-slicked hands worked in Taiga’s favor. As Sumire slipped, Taiga grabbed her hand and yelled like a beast as she flipped the situation around. Taiga put her weight on Sumire, grabbed Sumire’s hair, and raised her fist.

“St-stop! I don’t want this! Stttoooooooooooooopppppppppp!”

It was Minori who yelled. Ryuuji stopped her, practically sending her flying as she tried to recklessly impose herself between the two. If even Minori had gotten caught up in the fight, he didn’t know what he would do.

“Keep a hold of Kushieda!”

He yelled at someone who had grabbed Minori as she rolled down. Then Ryuuji jumped at Taiga.

“UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

He desperately held her from behind as she howled and shook. He used both his hands and all his strength to hold her back. Taiga probably didn’t know whose hands those were anymore. With a shriek, she struggled to shake him off and got a knee to the stomach from Sumire. Even though she knew that Ryuuji was holding Taiga, Sumire didn’t hold back on Taiga either. She hit Taiga’s face two, three times, and this time Ryuuji had to hold Taiga’s face to protect her. He was yelling at her to stop as he held Taiga and rolled onto the floor. Like a ball of rage, Taiga struggled in his arms. Sumire was grabbing his school jacket. She was no longer the logical president. 

At that point, someone grabbed Sumire’s arm. In that one moment, several people peeled Sumire away and held her until she was hanging off the ground. 

“Leeeeeeet gooooooo! You stupid idiotic tiger, I’ll teeeeeaaaaacccchhh YOOOOOOUUUU!” Sumire’s shout raked Ryuuji’s ears.

“Whaaat?! What what what what what what whaaaaaat do you mean you’ll teach me?! Like you know any better! You’re just a coward!”

This time, as Sumire tried to engage again, Kitamura appeared to desperately hold back her arm. Taiga raised an even shriller voice.

“You talk like you’re better than us! You act all great and saintly, but you’re afraid of getting hurt! You’re just afraid you’ll hurt someone! Your cowardice, your fear is what hurt Kitamura-kun! I won’t forgive you! I will neeeeeeveeer forgive yoooooouuuuu!”

Held back by Ryuuji, but still trying to kick, Taiga waved her feet around. As she struggled, she continued to shout. 

“You coward! You’re afraid! You’re a crybaby who can’t even face yourself! Crybaby crybaby crybaaaaaaaaaby!”

“I’m fine being a crybaby, you’re just a violent idiot!”

“Better than you, you escape artist! Try telling him! If you won’t accept Kitamura-kun’s feelings, tell him you don’t like him! Say ittttttt!!”

“Shuuuuuuuudddduuuuuuuuppppp!!!”

Sumire tried to get some kicks in, too. Her slipper came flying off in a lucky shot at Taiga’s face. It hit Taiga’s eyes, and because her hands were being held back, she winced in reaction. Sumire’s voice choked and cracked.

“I…I can’t lie! So…I won’t say it!”

Sumire now changed tactics. This time she took off her other slipper and threw it as hard as she could, but it flew the other way, hit a locker, and fell.

“Aisaka, what do you know?! You don’t know me! If I could become a simple idiot like you, I would! I want to be an idiot, too! I think about being an idiot who just always rushes forward…”

Her choked voice became dry and raspy. As though irritated at her own voice, Sumire folded herself over. 

“If I said I liked him…then what?! That idiot! He would just try to follow me! If he knew I wanted that, he would do it! He probably wouldn’t even blink at making any sacrifices! He’s that kind of person so…because of that! Because of that, I can’t be an idiot!”

As she writhed, tears thicker than blood fell down the cheeks of the completely impeccable student council president. Sumire shook her head like she didn’t accept them, but no matter how she shook them off, the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Her emotions and her words wouldn’t stop flowing out either. She screwed up her face and continued to shout with her dry throat. She continued to cry out from the emotions she couldn’t help but have.

“I…I want…to be an idiot, too! But…no…no…no matter…no matter what! I can’t do…that.”

Why had it taken him so long to realize that Kanou Sumire was also just an eighteen-year-old kid?

We’re all just kids, Ryuuji thought. It wasn’t an issue of whether they were idiots or not; they were all just kids. They were just kids who would cry and scream when the road they went down didn’t go the way they wanted it to. They had all just been kids from the start.

Finally, the faculty started coming in. The adults came to address the situation. 

Someone looked in worry at Sumire’s face and checked for injuries. Someone else grabbed Taiga, who had been done in just as badly, and glared at Ryuuji when he reflexively stretched his hand to try to get her back. Their hands grasped at the air and let go. Taiga was pulled out into the hallway and led somewhere else. 

The kids were in shock.

“The president is actually just really kind,” said Kitamura.

“Ki…”

“I love you from the bottom of my heart! I’m glad we met! I’m glad I like you…that I love you! I’m really happy it happened! I have no regrets! Thank you for everything!”

They looked at each other, their faces still wet with tears. He gave her a deep and sudden bow. Goodbye, he muttered for his own sake. Then, he ran after the hooligan who had been taken away. He probably did that because they would need someone to explain what had happened.

The faculty member who was about to take Sumire to the infirmary also stopped to look at Ryuuji’s face. He hadn’t noticed a cut at the corner of his lip or the scratches running down his face from when Taiga had struggled with him and when he protected her from Sumire. They were probably taking Ryuuji to the infirmary, too.

Once the culprits were removed, the students of class 2-C were left uncomfortably behind, strangers in the strange world of the college-bound third years’ classroom. As they were hesitating over whether or not to help clean up the classroom, someone who had bent down found the object.

“Huh…it’s a student notebook…”

“Whose?”

In order to find the owner, several people peeked into it as someone leafed through the notebook. They found the name Aisaka Taiga.

“It’s Tiger’s… She must have just dropped it.”

“We’ve got to keep it for her so she doesn’t lose it. Takasu-kun… Oh, right.”

“Who should keep it? …Oh.”

“Uh…”

No one had intended to see it. They had just wanted to check for a name and close it, but the weighty plastic cover got stuck to the hand of the person holding it for just a moment. They accidentally saw the inside of the cover. That was it. Then everyone went silent. 

It was in the notebook’s inside cover, in the folded over plastic. Everyone had seen the picture Taiga had carefully placed in her notebook. It was from the night of the culture festival. It was a picture of the two of them dancing. And then they knew that it was a memory so precious to her that she had put it in her notebook so that she would always be carrying it with her.

It was something so precious to her that, if Kitamura were so much as slighted, she would have gotten into a brawl for him.

“She really does like him…”

It wasn’t a rumor or a joke. It was the truth. It was a girl’s love exposed to the light of day. But, right then, the speechless person who held the notebook noticed another photo under the one of Kitamura and Taiga dancing.

“I’m going to keep this one.”

Before they could so much as think of looking at it, it was plucked out of their hands. Ami put Taiga’s notebook into her pocket. She seemed troubled as she smiled like an angel.

“Now, let’s all help clean up. Um… Senpai, we are truly sorry for the commotion. I can’t believe what Tiger did…”

“It’s all right. You didn’t do anything, Kawashima-san.”

“Right! It’s fine! Cheer up!”

If Ami were to so much as pout just slightly and turn her eyelashes down—well, that’s just what would happen. Joining in with the third years, everyone in 2-C started to help clean up, but there was one person who was frozen to the spot. Noticing that, Ami faintly narrowed her eyes.

Minori, who had lost her carefree smile, seemed to be thinking of something. She knitted her eyebrows together as though she were trying to forget whatever she was thinking about. Then she shook her head. Just watching her do that, Ami thought, I sort of get it.

She stood up and changed her mind. I’ll leave it alone, she thought, and she went back to picking up bundles of printouts from the floor. But then she stopped again. She noticed the weight of the notebook she had stuck into her pocket. She remembered what that person had looked like—the one she hated. That person had been frozen to the spot and expressionless just like Minori had been just now. She wasn’t sympathetic. She wasn’t, but…

“…”

Ami stood up. Like a cat, she approached Minori without so much as making a sound. She whispered just a few words into Minori’s ear.

Do you feel less guilty yet?

“Huh…”

When she turned around, Minori’s eyes were opened wide. The moment she saw Minori’s face, Ami regretted what she had said. The weight hit her chest even more than she would have expected. But she didn’t want Minori to realize that. She simply left Minori, who was standing straight as a plank, and slipped casually out of the third years’ classroom without making a noise.

Once she was alone, she desperately and frantically went down the hallway and the stairs as though she were running away. She reached the wide landing where the vending machines lined up.

She couldn’t make a sound.

“…!”

She had escaped into the gap between the vending machines. She put her forehead to the wall. BAM!

She had said something stupid. She shouldn’t have said it. What had she wanted to accomplish by saying that? She thought she had become a better person. She wanted to become better. She did everything she could to be better. She messed it up. Bam, bam. She hit the wall twice again.

Right.

It wasn’t just sympathy. She was jealous of her. And there were other things… There were a lot of other emotions involved, too. It was probably out of her hands now. She didn’t even know what she wanted anymore. She couldn’t do anything. 

She wasn’t doing anything right. She couldn’t change. She couldn’t become what she wanted to be.

In the deserted place, the sound of a head beating against a wall echoed three more unpleasant times.

Minori was so out of it, she cut herself as she tried to clean up a broken flower vase.

At first, they said Sumire might have broken her nose, but an X-ray turned up nothing. Her bones were actually so terribly dense that the doctors were taken aback. When her last day at school came, her face was a mess of bruises just as Kitamura’s had been. She left her high school life carrying so many flowers she could barely hold them. Two days after that, she left Japan on an airplane.

Kitamura dethroned Ryuuji as the most pitiful guy in the school. It seemed the title of student council president just happened to come with his new throne.

For three days, Ryuuji had a face that would have been censored on broadcasts. He wasn’t even that injured, but he looked like he had just fought the yakuza mafia. For some reason, Yasuko was oddly excited about her son’s face.

Taiga was suspended from school for two weeks. At first, it seemed like she might have been expelled, but Kanou’s parents couldn’t bear having Taiga leave school when Sumire had also raised her fists and was studying abroad unpunished. They said that if Taiga were expelled, they wouldn’t allow Sumire to study abroad, so the school had been lenient. In the end, the Aisakas hadn’t even so much as taken a step into the school through it all. All of their communication had gone through a secretary over the phone. In the end, Taiga was accompanied by the bachelorette when she went to Market Kanou to issue an apology and a thank you. After bowing her head and repenting, the Takasus waited worriedly for her on her route back home.

The bachelorette smoked her first cigarette in eight years and another permanent wrinkle etched itself into her forehead.

On that day, too, modest Orion twinkled above their heads in the winter sky.

***

Yasuko wasn’t home when he came back from a day at school without Taiga. His mother might have gone to the convenience store, he thought. Ryuuji headed to his room to put away his uniform.

Beyond the window, he saw Taiga’s bedroom. That klutz. He clicked his tongue slightly. Even though it was winter, Taiga’s window and curtains were wide open. It seemed she was sleeping in the bed. He didn’t have a complete view of the room, of course, but he could see the relaxed tips of her bare feet at the edge of the bed.

“Ahhh, seriously…aren’t you cold?”

He tried to call her on his phone to wake her, but it didn’t seem to be ringing in her bedroom. Even though she was in the middle of a suspension, she was having a happy-go-lucky afternoon nap… What a nice place to be.

He leaned out of the window and, while trying to keep his voice lowered for the neighbors, yelled, “Hey! You’ll catch a cold! If you’re gonna sleep, close your window!” He saw the feet flip over, but it didn’t seem like she was waking up. Maybe I’ll leave her, he thought.

“Really, what a slob…”

He realized that if she actually caught a cold, he would be the one taking care of her. Ryuuji left home still in his uniform. If he called her over the intercom from the entrance, even Taiga would get up. Once she got up, he’d take her with him to get groceries, he thought. There was a bargain sale on fish that day.

He went into the marble entrance and punched in her room number. It rang with no answer. He was pushing the button with the finger of his right hand when he remembered Taiga still had his scarf. He wanted to have her bring it over so he could wear it, but he didn’t know if he would be able to endure Taiga’s complaints of, I’m cold, I’m cold.

At that time, the scarf was softly wrapped around Taiga’s shoulders as she lay in bed. She was actually awake and unable to endure the constant ringing. She finally got up.

When the springs of her bed recoiled, the papers sloppily piled up on it fell down. The papers that fell included a draft for a reflection essay she had been assigned by the school and two postcards.

As the dreary spinster gave them to her, she had told Taiga, “This isn’t part of the assignment.” One postcard was for Kanou Sumire in America, to apologize to her. The other postcard was for the spinster, who said that Taiga could write anything she wanted in it. 

She hadn’t planned to do anything with it, because she wasn’t required to, but she was so bored and had so much time on her hands that she thought she might as well write something. She had already decided on what to do for Kanou Sumire. The problem was the one she was sending to the spinster. Not writing anything or drawing a skull to irritate the teacher was too childish, so she was thinking of just coloring the whole thing in one color.

She was trying to figure out what color to use as she rolled around on her bed. She looked up at the sky and the clouds she could see from the window, and then looked at the Takasus’ window.

She still couldn’t decide on a color.

***

One day, a postcard came to the cramped room-share where Kanou Sumire was living with other study-abroad students. There was no return address, but she knew who had sent it immediately after flipping it over and seeing the message.

There was just one word written on it—Idiot.

Sumire, who hadn’t seemed happy since coming to that country, burst into an old man’s hearty laughter so suddenly that the other lodger from her grade dropped their packed lunch.