Toradora! - Volume 9 - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

After school on Valentine’s Day, Taiga called everyone out to a deserted classroom, which was a derelict meeting room in the old school building. That morning, Taiga had made a point to go to school earlier than Minori and put letters in all their shoe cubbies to summon them, like she was following some old school tradition.

Ryuuji, Minori, and Kitamura opened the classroom door, pulling an unwilling Ami in with them by both arms. 

“Heh heh heh. Here we meet again.”

Taiga closed the door and let out a wicked laugh. She was probably too embarrassed to just straightforwardly thank her classmates.

“You call this a meeting? I just want you to know that I was dragged out here!”

“Dimhuahua, don’t worry about the details! Kitamura-kun has to get to the student council, Minori has softball, and Ryuuji and I have important work, so we’ve got to make sure this all goes smoothly.”

“Important work? You mean what you were doing yesterday?”

Hmph! Ami grumpily crossed her arms and stood by herself in a corner of the classroom. Minori smiled at her, her expression saying Come on, why not? Ami ignored her, and similarly turned her back on Kitamura, her childhood friend, when he tried to approach her. 

Taiga paid no mind to Ami as she went on.

“We’ve been in a gloomy mood as of late,” she said, “but today is Valentine’s Day. To show my appreciation for you all, I brought some homemade chocolates!”

She carefully pulled out four wrapped packages from the paper bag she brought with her.

“They’re homemade?! And you made them, Taiga?! That’s amazing!”

Minori applauded and patted Taiga’s head. Taiga puffed up her chest proudly. From beside Minori, Kitamura, who was once the victim of Taiga’s fried egg illusion, also clapped his hands together where he sat.

“I can’t believe that Aisaka made us chocolates…wow! It’d be a waste to eat them!” Kitamura seemed happy as he spoke.

“Those are just the chocolates you were selling yesterday. So you’re finally just a liar now…”

“Nuh-uh! I just reused the wrapping paper because it was pretty, but I actually melted them down and put them in a mold myself! Well, it wasn’t really a mold so much as the bottom of a bowl, but they’re really nice looking and round! Look at the bags under my eyes! It took me all night!”

Taiga pointed underneath her own eyes for Ami. Ryuuji knew that it had actually taken her until five in the morning. He hadn’t slept all night, either, watching the light streaming from Taiga’s window.

“You probably just got help from Takasu-kun anyway.”

“No, I didn’t! I’m giving chocolates to Ryuuji, as well.”

“But Takasu-kun has bags under his eyes, too.”

“This is just how I look…”

That was a lie.

Ryuuji sat down in a chair next to Kitamura. Dust had clearly built up on the chair’s surface and even its legs, but he didn’t wipe it down. As Taiga triumphantly put the bag of chocolates on the desk, all smiles, Ryuuji watched her face weakly. He watched the face of the person who had decided unhesitatingly to choose the road where she would get hurt, and decided to remain steadfastly silent.

He realized long ago that there were things in the world that he couldn’t do anything about. He knew that trying to change someone else’s feelings was a prime example of one of those things.

“First of all, here! I’m giving these to you, Dimhuahua! Thanks for yesterday!”

“I’m not getting involved anymore, you got that?” Ami took the chocolates and frowned sullenly.

“Next up, Minorin! I heard you came to my rescue during the school trip. You saved my life, so thank you!”

“Whatcha being so formal about? Of course I’d do that for you. I’ll always come runnin’ if you’re ever in trouble, Taiga.”

“Yeah! I love you, Minorin!”

“I love you, too! Whoa, Taiga~!”

Whomp! Whomp! Taiga and Minori brought their arms together, solidifying their friendship. Then Taiga continued, “Ryuuji! You, too! Thank you! I searched online and found out the right way to melt them! Make sure you eat these with Ya-chan, okay?”

“Right…”

Ryuuji took the chocolates. He wanted to look happy for her, but instead, he pretended to scratch his nose even though it wasn’t itchy, trying to hide his face as much as he could. 

“And now, Kitamura-kun! I’m giving the biggest chocolate to you.”

“Ooh…! This really is heavy! I’m happy, but are you sure you want to give me the biggest one?”

“I do! You didn’t even think about how dangerous it was when you pulled me up the cliff! I heard it all from Ryuuji! Aah, jeez, it’s so embarrassing! I really am an idiot, aren’t I? What did I look like when I was buried in the snow?! Did you see my eyes rolling back into my head or something?!”

Even though she always became more talkative to cover up her own embarrassment, Minori exclaimed quietly, “Huh?”

She turned around and looked Ryuuji in the eyes. Kitamura must have heard her, too. The smile he had turned to Taiga froze, and his eyes wandered away. He was trying to avoid Minori’s unexpected gaze.

I messed up.

Ryuuji had asked Kitamura to join in his lie, but Minori…she had seen everything.

Taiga might not have been able to help her embarrassment at remembering the accident. She was poking her tongue out slightly, eyes shut, and slapping her own cheeks in a poor attempt to hide her discomfort.

“Ugh, I can’t stand it anymore. I really can’t believe it. I was so worried about what would happen back then. My leg just whooshed right into the snow, and then I just started tumbling down and hit my head, and then everything in front of my eyes just went white… I guess that must be what it feels like to pass out. It felt like I was in a dream. I thought I’d spouted gibberish during it, so when I got back to my senses I started panicking! I really didn’t know what was going on for a while.”

Ryuuji held his breath and lifted his face. He looked desperately into Minori’s eyes.

Please don’t say anything. Just let the conversation move on. He would have happily sold his soul to the grim reaper or a demon lord if it could make his telepathic message get through to her, but Minori didn’t return Ryuuji’s gaze. She just looked at Taiga’s now red face.

“What kind of gibberish do you think you said?”

“Huh?! Like I could tell anyone! I can’t tell anyone! I can’t even tell you, Minorin! It’s something I can’t ever tell anyone! Just don’t ask me about it!”

“Just tell us.”

“No! I can’t! It was just me deluding myself and—”

“Spill.”

With a strange persistence, Minori grabbed and pulled on Taiga’s wrist. Taiga tried to keep a fake smile on her face, but she seemed shaken.

“I can’t tell you either, Minorin! It’s something that no one can ask about! It’s something I can’t tell anyone, even if they ask.”

As though she thought she could still believably pass off the entire thing as a joke, Taiga tossed her head with an exaggerated movement.

“If anyone found out, I’d be ruined. It’s something I couldn’t live with! It’s something just that dangerous! Just kidding! Ha ha ha…you didn’t hear anything, right?!” 

Kitamura also seemed to have become flustered. He put on a fake smile like Taiga’s and put a hand on Ryuuji’s shoulder as though asking for his friend’s agreement. Ryuuji nodded profoundly without thinking. “No one heard anything, you’re fine!”

Absolutely no one had heard Taiga mumble that she liked Ryuuji, absolutely no one at—

“Uh…”

At that moment, Minori’s eyes settled on Ryuuji with a dreadful intensity.

She brought her face close to his, almost as though she were trying to kiss him. Her eyelashes were close enough to touch him. He was so surprised that he stopped breathing as her lips approached Ryuuji’s until they were just millimeters apart.

“Liar.”

She was still holding Taiga’s wrist in her right hand. She made a fist with her left.

“You’re going to let her keep believing you didn’t hear anything?”

She hit Ryuuji’s chest, aiming for his heart. Oof. It knocked the breath out of him.

“That’s the thing you couldn’t forget, isn’t it?”

“What…”

Taiga whimpered in a low voice, as though she had been left for dead. Her peach-colored lips half-open, she stared at Minori like she’d forgotten how to blink. Huh? Ryuuji felt almost like the scene was happening to someone else as he watched a terrific red color rise from Taiga’s neck to her chin, from her chin to her earlobes, and then her earlobes to her cheeks. Her skin, which was normally white as frosted glass, instantaneously flushed a rosy red. Her perfectly round, large eyes were wide open, and they radiated a terrific light in a way like he had never seen before—like a star going supernova.

It was in that moment that their eyes met.

It was as though Taiga’s soul left her body along with the carbon dioxide escaping her nose and mouth. She jumped away like a tiger caught in a trap. She wiggled away from them.

“You’re gooooooooinnnnng noooooowheeeeeereeeeeeee!”

Though she was being half-dragged with Taiga, Minori wouldn’t let go of Taiga’s hand. They bumped into each other and knocked over a desk. Even the chair Minori had been sitting in got knocked over. Taiga whipped around the hand Minori was still holding in an attempt to escape, and Minori braced herself to endure it.

“Taiga…! Are you sure you just want to pretend like he didn’t hear anything?!”

“Le—”

Ryuuji froze with his eyes wide open.

“Takasu-kun is the one who saved you…! But then something happened, and he couldn’t tell you! That happened because of you!”

“Let! Me—”

Ryuuji looked back at Kitamura.

He shook his head.

This isn’t what I want.

He actually did want to know what Taiga’s feelings were. He wanted to tell Taiga how he felt.

“Why Taiga! Why can’t you just be honest with yourself and say it…why can’t you just say it?!”

“—GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Whether it was because her hand was slippery with sweat, or because she was stronger than Minori, Taiga got her wrist free of Minori’s grip. She fell over onto the floor, but then used the momentum to make a break for it, like a bullet. She crossed the classroom in two bounds and tried to open the door she’d previously closed.

“Ugh!”

Taiga looked up at Kitamura, who had made it to the door ahead of her to block her path. Reacting with the reflexes of a wild animal, she headed for escape through another door.

“Dimhuahua—”

Her yell was desperate. Ami was standing right in the way of the other door.

“Ugh, you’ve got the worst look on your face.” She snorted down her nose at Taiga.

Minori stood in front of Taiga, who had nowhere to go, and grabbed her shoulders.

“Look, Taiga! Look at me!”

“No! No no no no nooooooooooo!”

“Who do you think I am?! I’m Minori! I’m you best friend, aren’t I?! You said you loved me, right?! In that case, believe me! Believe in my choice!”

Like an exploding bomb, Taiga flailed her hands around and continued to rampage.

“I believe in you, Taiga! I’m believing in you and that you’re not the type of person who would use me as an excuse in order to keep yourself from getting what you want! Or are you?! Are you actually that kind of person?!”

“Th-that’s not how it is!” Though she finally responded to human language, Taiga’s voice went high like a screech and cracked. “I was just doing it so you’d be happy! I care about you so much that I wanted you to be happ—”

“Cuuuuuuuut the crap!” Minori shouted. “Don’t underestimate me! I’m going to secure my happiness for myself, with my own hands—with these two hands! I’m not gonna let annnnnyone else decide what makes me happy!”

Taiga pushed Minori’s arm away and ran past her, overturning the desks she came across as she did. Minori clambered up onto a desk, seeming to lose her patience. 

“Damn it, now you’ve done it!”

Fwoosh! Like a hawk, Minori leapt from the top of the desk and swooped down on Taiga.

“Aaaaaaaaah?!”

…Or, at least, that had been her plan. Uncharacteristically for her, she flubbed the landing and fell flat on her face, just like her friend normally would have.

Whoa, you’re an idiot… Ami muttered. 

Taiga made another dash for the door. For a brief moment, she hesitated between the one Kitamura was guarding and the one that Ami was at.

“Looks like this is how it is…” Kitamura said.

“Guess we don’t have any other options,” Ami said. 

The two childhood friends moved in sync, as though they were actually siblings, to step away from the doors. They exchanged glances as they stood next to the wall.

“Looks like this is all we can do.” 

“Right, right.” 

They nodded to each other.

Taiga went through the door Ami had left open and ran out into the hallway. Minori was the first one to yell.

“Aaaaaaaaaahmin?! You traitor!”

Next, Ryuuji stood up.

“Kitamura…!”

As Taiga’s footsteps quickly grew distant, and Minori and Ryuuji exchanged glances. Ami’s sickly-sweet voice shamelessly rang out to them, “Looks like someone’s got to go after her—that is, if there’s someone who wants to.”

He could go after her—and then what?

Ryuuji took in a breath. He stared at the chocolate Taiga had left behind on a desk. He snatched it up and tried to stick it into his pocket, but it wouldn’t fit. In desperation, he shoved it into the front waistband of his pants.

What was he going to do by chasing after her? What was he going to do after finding out Taiga’s feelings? What was he going to do after he reached out a hand to save her and they grabbed each other’s hands?

“Takasu-kun, I’ll go after Taiga,” said Minori. “We still haven’t finished talking. What will you do?”

What will I do?

“I’ll—”

He looked at Minori. There wasn’t anything to think about.

“No matter what happens, I don’t want to leave Taiga. So…”

How would he tell her that? All he knew was that he didn’t have even a bit of hesitation anymore.

He wouldn’t let her go. Like he’d let her. He wouldn’t let her abandon him.

“I’m going after her!”

He felt Minori take in one large breath. She let that breath settle in her gut, gathered herself up, and touched her right hand to her lips. Then she took her hand, and…

“All right. Takasu Ryuuji—here’s a giant farewell for you.”

“Huh?!”

…she lightly hit him on his lips. When she saw Ryuuji’s surprise, her mouth bent up like a child who had successfully managed their mischief.

“Takasu-kun, you go from the left. I’ll take the right. Taiga left her bag in the classroom, so she’s probably headed to the breezeway to get it. We’ll corner Taiga in the breezeway and meet again there!”

No sooner had she said that than she ran out with her skirt fluttering behind her. Ryuuji also flew from the classroom in a fluster. Minori went to the right, and Ryuuji to the left, aiming for the second-floor breezeway. They were flagrantly violating school rules in front of the student council president as they ran through the halls at full speed.

He would follow after Taiga, and then what? What would happen? The passion swelling in his chest fueled his speed as he ran. Now that he decided he didn’t want to leave Taiga alone, what was he waiting for? He didn’t know, but his legs wouldn’t stop. It was fine if he didn’t know. It didn’t matter what happened.

As long as Taiga was there, that was enough.

“Whaaa?! Huh?!” 

“Whoa?!” 

When Ryuuji and Minori reached the breezeway and came face to face, they didn’t find Taiga there.

“How?! Wait, did she get away?!”

He noticed a cold wind brush his cheek. A window was open in the breezeway between the first and second floors. No way. The two of them turned to stare out the window. It led to the new school building where their classroom was. It wasn’t out of the question that she could have jumped out still in her indoor slippers and already gone back to the classroom.

“The shoe cubbies! The entrance! She can’t leave without her shoes, right?!”

“Right!”

They thought about jumping out from the window, but they got unlucky and a teacher stuck her face out of the building next to them. “What do you think you’re doing?!” she shouted. They pulled their heads back into the window in a fluster and ended up going the long way around to the entrance that shared a building with their classroom.

Ryuuji didn’t think they could catch up with her while going down the stairs. Minori seemed to be feeling the same as she skipped steps while running in front of Ryuuji.

“Taiga! Can you hear me?!” she yelled on some slim chance that Taiga might have been able to hear a floor below them. “Hey Taiga! You always wanted to know didn’t you?! I…I also liked Takasu-kun—Takasu Ryuuji!”

She didn’t even look back at Ryuuji behind her.

“As your friend, I won’t run away from that! I’ve always liked him! And then I covered up those feelings because I thought I needed to give him up for you! I thought that you needed him…but I was wrong! I said it earlier, right?! I get to decide what makes me happy! In the same way, only you can decide what makes you happy! I underestimated you! I’ve decided something! The only way I can be happy is if I do this—if I do it in this way! So…so…Taiga! Show me the way you do things, too!”

When they finally got to the first floor, the remaining students noticed Minori’s loud voice and turned around to look. Minori and Ryuuji, both gasping for air, practically collapsed into class 2-C’s shoe rack.

However, Taiga was already gone. Her shoes were missing, and they didn’t even know whether she had heard Minori.

“Ugh…”

Minori squatted down and covered her face with her hands as she turned down. Ryuuji thought she was about to cry.

“What is that…?!”

“I-I think it’s from when I fell down just earlier… I’ve been tasting blood this whole time. Damn it…I hate this.”

When he peeked at Minori, he saw blood dripping from her nose.

***

Since the nurse already left, Minori stopped her bloody nose herself in front of the mirror.

“Wait, has it stopped yet? Could you stop looking at me like that?” Sitting on the bed, she covered the bottom half of her face with her hand.

“You scared me. I thought you were crying.”

“You thought I was crying?”

“Yeah, of course, that’s what any normal person would think.”

That would have paid off—Minori softly mumbled and gave him an embarrassed smile. Taiga had gotten away from them, and since they didn’t know what else to do, they had gone to the nurse’s office to at least get Minori first aid.

“I decided I wouldn’t cry anymore. Takasu-kun, you asked me before how you could keep facing forward, right?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“And I told you that you have to decide to do that. Do you know… Do you know what I ‘decided’ for myself? I’m going to try my hardest to make my dream come true. In order to do that, I have to stop worrying and crying, and continue moving forward—that’s what I decided. Regardless of reality, this is how I’m doing things. If you understand that, then I think all my work has paid off.”

Minori pressed at the plug she had put up her nose and smiled.

“The reason I’m working so hard is because I’m stubborn.”

What she started talking about then in a bright voice was her younger brother. She talked about her little brother, who had continued playing baseball, gone to Koshien Stadium, and was aiming to eventually become a pro. Then she talked about how she couldn’t keep playing baseball because she was a girl. She talked about how her brother’s dream was prioritized in her family, and how her own dreams were postponed.

“I want to keep playing softball. I want to yell out that my dreams are big, and they’ll come true for sure, too. But I don’t have the skill to join a team after graduating high school. That’s why I’m going to save up and get into an athlete’s college where I can keep playing softball. Then I’ll aim for the top—I want to get into the all-Japan pro team.”

“So that’s why you work all the time…”

“Yep. I was just too scared to put it into words. I was sort of thinking that people would laugh at me or something. But now I want to tell everyone outright. I want to yell it frok the rooftops so everyone can hear—my little brother, my parents, my little league coach, the junior high school teacher who laughed at my dream, the public, the world. I’m going to reach the top! This is what I decided makes me happy and what I’m going for! That’s what I want to tell them. I’m just being stubborn…but I’m going to stop worrying about that, or crying. I’m going to keep going forward. I want to go as far as I can get by myself. I want to become someone who complains to nobody. I’m trying as hard as I can like that… Even if I cry, even if it’s painful, even if it’s hard, I’ll keep my spirits up and carry on.”

Even if I cry, even if it’s painful, even if it’s hard—when Minori said that and he saw her smile, Ryuuji thought about everyone. He thought about himself, Taiga, Ami, Yasuko. Even if they couldn’t say it out loud, they all had something that caused them pain. Some of them probably felt crushed. Some of them had probably given up. The path ahead was long, and no one knew how much longer they could persevere.

It was just that Minori, who was looking straight ahead toward her dream despite the pain, would definitely never change. She would continue to shine as bright as she was now.

Ryuuji found her light blinding, but it was also like salvation lighting the way.

“I’ll believe you’re trying the hardest you can.”

“All right. As long as you believe in me, Takasu-kun, I’m sure I’ll be able to keep working.”

So that was the reason why Kushieda Minori always seemed to shine so blindingly. Of course.

“So this is about after the giant farewell—actually what is a giant farewell? Well anyway, after that, I’m glad I understand what you’re going through now.”

“Takasu-kun, it’s because you tried to understand me. I’m sure that we’ll keep showing each other how hard we’re working and how we’re feeling for a really, really, really long time to come. And that’s going to be happening—”

Minori raised a hand to his face. Naturally, Ryuuji put his own hand against hers.

“—for eternity.”

“Yeah…”

This love was fruitless.

But the emotions that came to life after it—the bond—was an eternal promise. Their hearts were open to each other without deception, and even though they hurt each other so many times before, they had grown so much. Maybe others would laugh at them? Maybe they wouldn’t be understood, and would be whispered about? Regardless, Ryuuji thought, it was like a journey. They might have taken the long route, and grown disheartened along the way, but they finally made it. He made it to the place where he was putting his hand on Minori’s and made it to a time where they made an eternal promise to each other. 

“I said everything I wanted to Taiga. I think she probably was listening. I think she heard it…so that’s why I’m going to stop chasing Taiga here.”

Minori took in a small breath. Then she brought her head up high.

“There’s someone else I need to chase down. That’d be someone named Ahmin. She’s someone I really want to be persistent about chasing down, no matter how many times she gets angry, even if we end up fighting again. She’s someone I want to clash with. She’s someone I want to reconcile with. I don’t have anyone else I can fight with like that. I didn’t even know that I could get in a fight with someone like that. I’m pretty sure there’s no one else who would bring out a part of me even I didn’t know about…even though it was so much work.”

He knew all too well what Ami was like. Ryuuji thought that Minori could probably shine a light on the heart of another person just as awkward as him.

As for him, he thought he might stand one more time—or maybe two or three or countless times—in front of Ami’s heart, but at a distance where he couldn’t miss her voice.

“Well, how about we go, Takasu-kun? There are places we should get going to.”

***

“Oh!”

“…”

Who would have guessed that Taiga would have actually gone to her job after running away like that? He couldn’t have imagined that she’d be that much more serious about the job than Ryuuji, who arrived just barely in time, or that she would already be standing imposingly right in front of the wagon.

“I…I can’t believe you actually came.”

“Of course I’d come. It’s still a gig even if I’m not working. It’s a job.”

Hmph, Taiga turned fiercely away. 

The store owner had put up a sign on the front of the wagon that read “Today: Half-off sale!” in red letters.

It might have been because it was an annual tradition, or because customers stopped when they saw the red-lettered sign, but the half-off Valentine’s Day chocolates sold surprisingly better that day than the day before, which was supposed to be the real day when everyone should have been buying them. There were a lot of mothers who brought their children around and might have been buying them as a snack, and several men who came to buy two or three of the prettily-wrapped chocolate boxes.

Ryuuji talked and moved his hands all day with barely enough time to breathe. Taiga kept her mouth pressed tightly together in a line and didn’t say anything. When he had a break from the customers, Ryuuji tried to say something to her, but when their eyes met, his words got caught in his throat. Taiga stayed, speechless even when her skirt came close to burning on the stove and he grabbed the hem in order to protect it. Even then, she didn’t move.

If telling her his feelings was easier—if he could have told her the things he wanted to share, the things he didn’t want to share, and everything else in a way she could easily understand, then what would he tell Taiga in this moment? What would Taiga share with him? What would come to life if that happened?

That was what Ryuuji wanted to know. He wanted Taiga to feel that whatever came to being would make her glad and happy. 

With his mouth still shut tight, he stole a glance at Taiga where she was beside him. Taiga really was like a rock. She was standing stock-still as she was watching the flow of people on the store-lined street.

“I heard Minorin.”

“Taiga…”

While there were no customers, her voice was quiet—incredibly quiet—as she let those words slip from her mouth.

“Don’t…don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing…”

“Don’t laugh… Don’t look at me. Don’t turn toward me.”

He imagined she must be bright red to her ears and probably didn’t even have her eyes open. There was an incredible amount of shame in her voice as she spoke.

“Don’t laugh… Please. After we finish with work, let me tell you something. If I try running away…then make sure to catch me. Please.”

Like he’d ever laugh at her.

“Sure.”

Who would ever laugh at Taiga’s feelings?

As Ryuuji kept working, he visualized a dream. It wasn’t the kind of dream you had when asleep, but the type someone worked toward. He would graduate high school and get a job. Then he would make sure Yasuko didn’t have to worry, and never let go of Taiga, and they would live happily together. No one would laugh at his dream.

He looked at the clock to check the time.

Once work was over, he would know the answer. He would chase after Taiga, decide he would never let her go, ask her to tell him her feelings, and see with his own eyes whether something came out of it.

“Were you lying?”

But when he heard that voice, Ryuuji dropped the envelope filled with his wages.

“You lied to me, didn’t you?”

“Uh…”

He wondered how long Yasuko had been there, on the store-lined street that ran along the national highway. How long had she been watching Ryuuji and Taiga? Taiga also swallowed her breath and froze in place.

“Mom…”

“You’re out of time. I’m going by the condo, so get your things together.”

Yasuko was standing under a streetlamp wearing only a down coat over her loungewear. A Porsche was stopped behind her.

“That’s your…mother? But…”

It was a woman with even lighter chestnut colored hair than Taiga, put up in a relaxed updo. The woman’s stomach was huge. Her features were beautiful in a way that didn’t seem very Japanese, and she had a quiet expression. Taiga had just called her “Mom.” 

Taiga had said things with her mom had been going swimmingly, but when the woman walked briskly toward Taiga and tried to grab her hand, Ryuuji reflexively pulled Taiga close. 

“D-don’t touch me! Don’t ever touch me again!” Taiga yelled at her mother.

It was obvious that her relationship with her parent—if that was her parent at all—was obviously not going swimmingly at all.

“You must be Takasu-kun, right? I heard from Mr. Aisaka that you’ve been very close to her. Thank you. Please forget about my daughter. There was a situation, and she’s been cut off from the Aisakas, so she’s going to be living with me and my new family.”

“Wh-who said I have to live…with your man and that kid?!”

As if she were spitting fire, Taiga shrieked with rage. She tried to hide behind Ryuuji and trembled.

“Wh-why?” said Ryuuji. “What’s going on? I don’t get what’s happening…”

“Taiga-chan’s mother came by our house to look for Taiga-chan. We couldn’t get a hold of you through your cell phones, so we ended up going to the restaurant you said the two of you were studying at, Ryuu-chan. But you weren’t there either, so I called Kitamura-kun. Kitamura-kun told me you were working a part-time job here.”

“I have a good reason for this—”

“I’m not going to ask why you did it!” Yasuko looked as though she couldn’t see anything else as she raised her voice. “You promised you wouldn’t work! But you lied to me, Ryuu-chan, and broke your promise! I can’t let you do that!”

“You can’t let me do that… Then what am I supposed to do, according to you?!”

Ryuuji had his own piece to say as well. He wanted to tell Yasuko that her anger was unreasonable and that she was being one-sided.

“You collapsed because you tried working extra for me! In that case, I’ll work in your place! What’s wrong with that?! We’re family! Isn’t it obvious that we should be helping each other out?!”

“I don’t care how other families are doing things! In our house, you’re going to focus on studying! You’re not allowed to focus on anything else! I won’t allow it!”

“Then…then! In that case! Don’t collapse!”

Ryuuji threw the envelope with his wages onto the asphalt.

“The only people who can tell others to focus on studying are people who’ve saved money up! That’s not something you’re allowed to say when you took on too much work and collapsed!”

“I barely ever collapse! And even if I do, it’s fine! I don’t care what happens as long as you study really hard and figure out what you want to do and become a respectable person—that’s all I care about—that’s it!”

“Just stop it!”

Ryuuji was trembling all over.

So in the end it was just about self-satisfaction? If that was the case, there was no need for him to worry. He shouldn’t have had to think about it. Why had he believed that parents didn’t have egos?

“Who was the one who didn’t study?! Who was it that threw away what they wanted?! Who was the one who didn’t become a respectable person?! Isn’t this all…just about you?!”

“Ryuu-chan…”

“This is what your parents wanted from you, and then you betrayed them, right?! All you’re doing is trying to redo everything you couldn’t do because of me, but now you’re doing it as a parent! All you’re trying to do is make it so that you can accept it! All you want to do is make yourself a good kid again! In the end, I—”

He watched Yasuko’s face turn blue. Ryuuji watched her face, thinking, strangely calmly, that this was what someone looked like the moment their soul was being crushed to pieces. He couldn’t stop talking.

“If I were never there, you could have still been a good kid! You could have had that life! If I’d never been born, if you’d just never had me, you… My mom would have been happy! That’s always bothered me! You regret me… You regret ever having me!”

He couldn’t stop his tears either.

He couldn’t take back the words coming out of his mouth. Yasuko held her head and crouched down. She was shaking in a strange way, but it wasn’t like he could rush over to her.

His existence was already a mistake. It was wrong.

The days that seemed to glitter and shine, his happiness until that day, the times he’d laughed and cried, his friend’s faces, his worries, the things he’d come to understand—everything slipped away through his hands in the blink of an eye. It seemed to drain out of him. He realized that it all had instantaneously gone to pieces.

“Ryuuji.”

When someone seized his hand tightly, Ryuuji looked over.

“Taiga…”

Taiga’s mother was distracted by Yasuko’s flustered state. Ryuuji grasped Taiga’s hand tightly. Slowly, their legs moved. Then, all at once, the two of them started running.

They wanted to go to a place where there was no one else.

A place where they could be happy just being together. 

Ryuuji and Taiga ran, dreaming of a place like that.

Snow began to fall without a sound. Even though it was cold, it never snowed during that time of year.

It was probably the final snow of that winter.