Chapter 3 The Graffiti on That Wall Is a Beautiful Memory, but the Fist and Foot Marks Are Best Forgotten. We Should Really Get Rid of Those.
The second day of school.
Masato yelled, “Okay, we’re off!” across the inn and started walking.
Faster and faster, like he was in a power walking race.
“Hey, Masato! Wait up! You’re going too fast!”
“Masato, please wait! I want to walk with you!”
His party members’ cries were enough to slow him down a little.
He turned to look back and saw Wise and Porta hustling after him. Just them. Safe for now.
Wise was whatever, but he did want to wait for Porta, so he waited till they caught up.
“Geez. You went off like a rocket! Ever heard of a li’l thing called cooperation?”
“Cooperation is nothing but a chain that ties me down. Even the greatest of the great understand that.”
“Wait, what? That doesn’t even make sense… Oh, hang on, Mamako still isn’t here.”
“I think we’d better wait for Mama…”
“Stop. Both of you. Please don’t say another word.”
Why had Masato left the inn in such a hurry? Why else?
There was no getting out of Mamako observing class. Her presence was also a big help to them, so that much he was forced to overlook. But going to school with her was out of the question. He would not stand for it.
Masato was supposed to be walking to school with someone else at his side.
This is no place for moms… I’m supposed to be here with my heroine!
Coincidentally bump into her on the way to school, chat about this and that, walk side by side… He knew just the angel to do that with.
Who? It’s obvious, right? I need not say.
Masato pressed forward, hoping to be reunited with his destined partner, down the main road to the school.
And as he reached the corner of an intersection, he heard familiar voices coming from a side street.
“You overslept? Why, I never! Medhi! Hurry up! You have to be number one in everything! Including getting to school first!”
“Yes, Mother! I’ll just go on ahead!”
Masato hurried into the intersection, glancing toward the voices. As he’d hoped, his heroine was running toward him.
Perfeeeeeect! Thank you, destiny!
This is it, this is it, this is it! It’s reunion time! Masato prepared himself to enact the perfect coincidental encounter. He was totally prepared to act naturally. Here she came!
Medhi’s head was down, not looking ahead of her at all.
“…Every time she opens her mouth it’s just ‘number one’ this, ‘number one’ that… Shit… Gimme a break, you toxic bitch…”
Mm?
What was Medhi muttering? Was he hearing words like shit and bitch?
No. No, no, no, no. Masato’s heroine would never be so foulmouthed. This couldn’t be. He must be hearing things. He was sure of it.
More importantly, there was the situation at hand.
…Oh! Is this what I think it is?
On the way to school. Beautiful girl running without looking ahead. With those conditions in mind, I hardly need explain the outcome. Yep. There was only one way this could play out.
And Medhi had premium-sized goods equipped up top.
Ba-dump, boing! If you know what I mean.
But that could only happen if they bumped into each other.
Masato had already realized they were on a collision course. It was technically possible for him to call out to Medhi and avoid the boing entirely. He could easily do that.
But…was that the right course of action?
“Of course it is. We’d avoid injury entirely. Right?” Masato asked, looking up at the sky. Addressing the heavens, the source of his beloved sword Firmamento’s power. The heavens had chosen him as their hero, and they would surely respond to his call.
He was sure they would, but…
“Hmm, that’s odd. No answer? What does that mean? Hmm.”
He’d just have to wait for one. It wasn’t that he was looking forward to the emotional boing he’d always dreamed of, but he was better off withholding judgment until the great powers above answered him. If they bumped into each other in the meantime, oh well.
Just then…
“…Mm?”
The ground beneath Masato’s feet began to move. This was no earthquake. The shaking was extremely localized. “A Mother’s Fangs?! Now?!” Indeed, it was.
Just before Masato and Medhi made contact, an earth spike shot upward at an incredible speed. This was a skill borne from a mother’s love that could seek out her son’s location wherever he was, no matter what situation he was in.
Since they were in the middle of town, the spike was a little smaller than usual, but having this appear right before his eyes was still unbearable.
“Augh! Look out!!”
Masato managed to avoid running straight into it, skidding to a halt, off balance. He almost fell over backward, but as he hastily bent his upper body to avoid collapse…
…Boing! He bumped into something. With his face. And that “something” was…
“Hee-hee. I caught you at last, Ma-kun! Gotcha!”
…his mother’s large, pillowy, fragrant…you-know-whats.
“Nooo! Not these! The other ones!”
“What other ones? Um… I’m confused…”
“Oh, uh, no, never mind, forget I said anything.”
He was supposed to have boinged off Medhi, but he couldn’t exactly tell his mom that… Oh, how convenient, a pillar of earth for him to punch. Thank goodness there was something to punch nearby.
About the time he put his two hundredth fist mark on the pillar, Medhi’s face emerged from behind it. Beautiful. Pure. The image of perfection.
“…Oh, Masato. Everyone. Good morning.”
“O-oh, Medhi. Mornin’. This thing sort of popped up out of nowhere. You aren’t hurt or—”
“Medhi! Why have you stopped?! Get yourself to school right now!”
An irate voice cut Masato off. A flicker of annoyance crossed Medhi’s face, but she did as she was ordered and ran off toward the school.
He considered calling after her, but he’d just get her yelled at again, so he let her go.
Wise and Porta caught up with Masato, and they waited for the boss character to arrive.
“Oh, hello, everyone. Do you know how to greet people properly?”
“Sure I do. Good morning.”
“Mornin’.”
“I know how to greet people, too! Good morning! Was that good enough?”
Masato’s party stood face-to-face against Medhimama, who seemed to have caked on more makeup than she did yesterday. She didn’t exactly come across as hostile, but there wasn’t anything particularly welcoming about her, either.
Meanwhile, Mamako behaved just as she always did, greeting her with a smile. “Fancy running into you here, Medhimama! Will you be observing today, too?”
“I will. As will you, I see… But if I may make one thing perfectly clear, Mamako…”
“Yes? What is it?”
Medhimama fixed Mamako with a piercing glare. “I have prepared not only a sailor uniform but every other manner of garb I could conceive of! I will not allow you to monopolize things any longer! It will be Medhi and I who emerge victorious! There will be no repeat of yesterday!”
After this intense speech, she turned and walked away.
Mamako looked rather confused by this one-sided declaration of war and just stared blankly after Medhimama.
“U-um, Ma-kun? What was that about?”
“Just ignore her… Easier said than done, though… She’s not really going to let us do that. We’ve drawn her aggro now.”
Medhimama was hell-bent on supporting her daughter with a deeply obnoxious level of passion. And Masato’s party would be the ones to pay the price. What could they do about it?
Masato called Wise and Porta over and held an emergency meeting.
“Umm, as you saw for yourselves just now, today’s class is gonna be a mess again. We’d better go in with a plan.”
“Wh-what? Don’t we already have one?”
“Yes! With Mama there, Medhimama will be totally shut out! We can take the class in peace!”
“You have a good point, Porta… But remember, thanks to Mom’s actions yesterday, she ended up taking all the points we were trying to earn. Hard to be happy about that, right?”
““Oh…””
Yep. After Mamako entered the classroom, she’d taken over and made off with all the points. That fact was inescapable. A light that shone too brightly could easily do more harm than good.
“So before anything else happens, we’ve got to turn the tables. Class today will be our show!”
“Okay! Let’s do this!”
“Right! I’ll do my best! I’ll try so hard!”
Porta was super adorable when she got all worked up like this, but this was no time to savor that.
Masato flipped his own switch, getting fired up, and his party strode toward school, their auras clearly visible.
They were doing this. They had to do this.
With unbridled passion burning in their hearts, they took the day’s class head-on!
“Okay, yesterday we mostly focused on combat, so today we’re going to focus on crafting. It might be a little tough for you fighting types, but let’s do our best.”
““Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!””
Masato and Wise both grabbed their chairs, ready to throw them directly at Mr. Burly. “What? When did this become a school for delinquents?!” All schools have some, you know.
They calmed down a short while later.
They were gathered not in the classroom but in the food science lab. As the name implied, this room could handle both home economics and science lessons. The students were standing at tables covered in kitchen utensils and experiment apparatuses.
Observation seats were placed at the back of the class for Mamako and Medhimama.
Both were wearing sailor uniforms.
Ignoring those dangers…
Mr. Burly, though somewhat intimidated by Masato’s and Wise’s glares, pushed on with his explanation.
“Um, uhhh… A-anyway, we’ll be crafting today. By actually experiencing Item Creation for yourselves, you’ll learn about its effects.”
“But, Mr. Burly, that’s the problem.”
“We’re in combat jobs. We can’t do Item Creation at all.”
“I anticipated a certain degree of sulky complaints. But don’t worry. This food science lab is designed to allow the Item Creation experience. The room is set to allow users of any job to perform crafting.”
“Oh, really?”
“Geez, you shoulda said that first!”
“Bwa-ha-ha! I see you’ve cheered up! How easily…er, how responsive you all are. Anyhoo…”
His smile beaming forth again, Mr. Burly snapped his fingers.
A magic circle appeared around the podium, and a number of ingredients began appearing. Meat, fish, vegetables, fruit, grains, and spices.
“The objective will be to craft some food. This will make it easier for combatants to grasp the creation process. The apparatuses on each table are designed to raise your success rates, so make good use of them. Points will be given based on success rate and rarity. Those are what you’re aiming for! Begin!”
And with that, the students set to work. Sorting through the ingredients on the podium, carrying them back to the tables, and setting about Item Creation.
Masato’s party joined in.
“I’ve never done anything like this…but it doesn’t seem like we’ve got anything to worry about.”
“Yeah. We’ve got Porta on our side… So, wanna show us how it’s done?”
“Okay! Leave it to me! I’ll make something first!”
Porta put an egg in a random beaker and quietly chanted, “Will it be good? It’ll be good! A good item…done!”
Light poured out of the beaker, and when it dimmed, there was a steaming egg inside.
Porta created Easily Peeled Boiled Egg—great success!
“Whoa… You sure made that look easy. Well done, Professor Porta.”
“Th-thank you so very much!”
Like Porta had, Wise put an egg in a beaker and chanted.
“Will it be good? Well, duh, it’ll be good! ’Cause I’m the one making it! So gimme a…boiled egg!”
Wise’s Item Creation activated. Light poured out, and when it vanished…
…there was a greenish, purplish, reddish-brown slimy thing in the beaker.
Wise created Mysterious Object X!
“What the—? What even is this?! Eww, it stinks!!”
“Ohhh… Um, well… That’s an Item Creation failure.”
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha! That’s your specialty, all right! Okay, my turn! …That cute little chant’s not really my style, so I’ll abbreviate a bit… Boiled egg, come on! …Uh, wait…”
The remains of a detonated egg appeared in the beaker in Masato’s hand.
Masato created What Happens When You Try to Cook an Egg in the Microwave.
“Um… Well, that might be edible, at least. But, Masato, that’s still a failure.”
“Do you just lack any kind of common sense? That was total overkill.”
“Hey! This is just what Item Creation did! Of course I know if you zap an egg in a microwave it’ll explode! Argghh… Well, clearly, Item Creation won’t succeed if you don’t have a crafting job. Everyone else…”
He looked around, hoping to see them failing.
“Oh, nicely done, Cleric Medhi!” he heard Mr. Burly saying. “An excellent success rate! Ten points to you!”
Laid out on Medhi’s table were fried eggs, scrambled eggs, an omelet, and several other successful egg dishes.
Medhi’s job was Cleric, and she was registered as a combatant. Her success rate was frankly astonishing.
“Whoa, well done, Medhi! That’s exactly why you’re my heroine! Just how much more will you torment me?!”
“Hang on,” Wise said. “Masato, look.”
“Mm? You mean…?”
He followed Wise’s glare to the back of the room. To Medhimama.
Sailor uniform mom number two.
It had taken him a lot of nerve to look that way, and he regretted it immediately. He suffered through it.
Medhimama was stroking her staff. Clearly activating some sort of support effect.
“So I’m thinking,” Wise said deliberately, “she may look all cool and perfect, but she’s actually making a bunch of Mysterious Object X. And then that old bat is using an illusion spell to disguise them. That’s what I think anyway.”
“Whoa, whoa, hold up. That’s quite an accusation.”
“But not a baseless one. There’s no magic that can raise Item Creation success rate. The other magic kids are all looking at her with great suspicion, so I bet I’m right.”
Wise was right. There were a number of other students watching Medhi and frowning. The only one praising her was Mr. Burly. Everyone else was watching in frosty silence. A chill settled over the room.
But even then, even if that’s what was going on, Masato would like to believe in Medhi’s ability…
“Um, if I could… Rather than worry about other people, I think it’s best if we try our hardest!” Porta said. “I think that’s what’s most important!”
Mm. She was right. The girl who always tried her best was totally correct.
“…Wise?” “Mmhmm, right.” Wise pursed her lips but said nothing further about Medhi.
“We’ve gotta find a way to cook things successfully… How can we do that? I mean, Mom’s really good at cooking, but I haven’t heard anything about her making it with Item Creation… Wait, what? Where’s Mom?”
Sailor uniform mom number one was not in the observation seats. Where had Mamako gone…?
“Ma-kun! Mommy’s over here!” she called. He turned to look…
Mamako had donned an apron over her sailor uniform (where did she get that?) and had taken over a table, where she was hard at work.
She had some veggies on a board, and her knife was tap-tapping away. She slid the chopped veggies into a pot, applied a gem-fueled burner, and set it to boil.
Yep. She was just cooking.
“Uh, Mom? What are you doing?!”
“What else? I’m cooking! Watching you all made Mommy want to join in! I asked Mr. Burly, and he said it would be fine.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this again…!”
“Oh, right. Ma-kun, will you try some? I hope it tastes like home!”
Mamako poured a little of the broth into a tasting dish and held it out for Masato.
“S-stop that! It looks really hot! There’s a lot of steam!”
“That’s right, you always did have a sensitive tongue, Ma-kun. Then we’d better cool it down!” She blew on it.
“Wait!! You don’t need to do that for me!!”
“Hmm, I think it’s still too hot.” She blew on it again.
“Please stop!! Everyone’s looking!! …Argh, fine! I’ll taste it! I’ll just do it!”
He had no choice but to grab the cooled dish away from her and knock it back.
Masato’s Item Creation success rate improved! Since Mamako blew on it twice, his success rate doubled!
“…Huh?”
“My, my! Looks like Mommy developed another special power!”
“No, no, no, no, this is way too arbitrary! It’s just too much… On the other hand, this totally helps! Wise, Porta!”
“I would loooove to tease you about your Oedipus complex again, but right now we need to earn ourselves some points! Mamako, gimme some of the twice-blown broth!”
“Can you blow on mine, too?”
Wise and Porta each accepted a sample of Mom-Blown Broth and knocked it back. Both their success rates improved!
Now they had a shot.
“Let’s do this! Bring all the stuff you want to use in a tasty dish!”
“Just throw it all into this success-boosting apparatus! Then!”
“I’ll do the chant! …Will it be good? It’ll be good! A good item…done!”
Item Creation activated. Blinding light poured out of everything they’d thrown into beakers, pots, and bowls. And…
The table was soon adorned with a thick, juicy steak; a wooden serving boat covered in seasonal sashimi; and a six-foot-tall wedding cake.
Mr. Burly took one look and his eyes nearly popped out of his head.
“Whoa! I didn’t think you’d make anything like that! Consider me impressed! Hero Masato, Sage Wise, Traveling Merchant Porta! I’ll give each of you twenty points!”
“““Yes!”””
So many points! So many emotions!
Masato’s party was showered with praise. The students around them, Medhi included, applauded, smiling. Medhi seemed genuinely pleased for them. She was a great heroine indeed.
But Medhimama…
“…The nerve… Something must be done…”
…was glaring at Masato’s party, and at Mamako, with naked hostility.
And, though perhaps not worth mentioning, she did this wearing a sailor uniform.
The crafting lesson had concluded, and it was lunchtime.
Masato’s party was gathered in the sunny garden, sitting on a blanket and enjoying their meal.
“Didja see that old bat’s face? She looked so pissed! It was majorly satisfying.”
“You sure are spiteful… But yeah, I gotta admit I felt pretty good about it, too.”
“Yes! Even I thought, ‘Take that!’”
“You all tried so hard! And that got you good results. I’m so proud of you!”
“Yeah, we went for it. We really did. We worked really hard…maybe a little too hard.”
Masato sighed, glancing down at their lunch.
On the menu was Mamako’s handmade lunches, Mamako’s handmade stew, thick juicy steak, a sashimi boat, and a six-foot-tall wedding cake for dessert.
So much food… So many calories… “…Can we get through it all?” “I think we have to.” “I’ll do my best!” “Don’t force yourself.” Chopsticks moved quickly, making headway.
A hero, a hero’s mother, a Sage, and a Traveling Merchant. A party working together, battling to consume sliced steak and sashimi with the rice from the lunches.
Hmm… We’re in a game! What are we even doing?
Masato shook his head.
Just then…
“My, that’s quite a spectacular lunch.”
At this familiar voice, they looked up to find a woman dressed as a nun. Shiraaase.
“Oh, Ms. Shiraaase! Won’t you join us?”
“Would you mind? I certainly wouldn’t mind partaking in a few… Oh, but first I suppose I should take care of business. Mamako, if you could join me for a minute?”
“Yes? What is it?”
Shiraaase beckoned, so Mamako got up and went over to her.
Shiraaase quietly spread her arms and gave Mamako a big hug.
Masato did a spit take. Everything in his mouth went flying.
“Pffft… Cough, cough… Wha…? Shiraaase?!”
“I, too, am happily married and have a child, Masato. What you see before you is your mother being embraced by another mother. How does that make you feel?”
“My brain is refusing to function, so I can’t say!”
“Fair enough. Even I am uncertain as to what the selling point of this situation actually is. I believe that’s enough. Mamako, thank you.”
“Um, okay? I don’t really get it, but as long as I was helpful…?”
Shiraaase released Mamako, and the two of them sat down on the blanket.
As if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, Shiraaase began eating. Starting with the wedding cake. Just cutting herself a generous slice.
She sure packed it away, but that was pretty much expected behavior from her at this point. They all waited.
“…How about an explanation? What exactly was that demonstration for?”
“Nothing significant. I just had a need for a rough size estimate and chose that method of conducting it.”
“You needed her size?”
“Yes… I am somewhat reluctant to discuss this matter in front of Wise, but…”
“Oh, I see where this is going! Fine! One more word outta you and this steak platter goes right in your face!”
“Whoaaa, it’s hot! Don’t do that!”
Incidentally, the steak platter was also completely flat. No lumps at all.
“At any rate, given the size requirements, I needed to ascertain whether Mamako would be able to wear something or not.”
“Um. Wear…what, exactly? Y-you’re not going to put her in another weird outfit, are you?”
Alarms were going off in Masato’s head. His pulse jumped to unhealthy levels. Something horrible was about to go down…at least, something that would cause a great deal of suffering for him as her son. A wave of anxiety threatened to end him.
Shiraaase smiled faintly, as if enjoying his reaction.
“I recommend eating well to prepare for this afternoon’s class. If you don’t have a substantial reserve of energy, you may not be able to make it through! …Heh-heh-heh…”
“What does that have to do with this afternoon’s class?! By ‘may not be able to make it through,’ you just mean it’ll be a difficult lesson, right?! That’s what you’re talking about, right?! Please just tell me that’s what you’re talking about!!”
“Oh my, lunch time is just about over. I must get back to debugging the school. So long! …Heh-heh-heh…”
“Um, Shiraaase? Shiraaaseeeeee?!”
Without even a passing glance, Shiraaase walked off with the cake.
Something was definitely going down.
The bell rang, and the afternoon class began.
They were gathered in the indoor pool. A large pool, with several fifty-meter lanes, and the students had all changed into the suits the school required—school swimsuits.
Masato alone was curled up in the stands by the side of the pool.
Abject depression. It was all too easy to tell what was about to happen.
Swimsuits… And definitely ones no normal mother would ever wear…
Mamako would definitely show up here. To swimming lessons. In a swimsuit. That’s why Shiraaase had taken her measurements.
Mom. In class. In a swimsuit. It was a death sentence.
“No other hero in history has been this tormented by fate. Even if I fail to overcome it, no one in the world would blame me. The Demon Lord himself would pity me.”
It must have been so tough! That’s enough. You can rest now. He could almost see the Demon Lord patting his shoulder. He really thought he deserved that.
Reality was harsh. Nothing had even happened yet, but Masato was already teetering on the brink. His party members were calling him.
“Hey, Masato! What are you doing? Hurry up and get in line!”
“Masato! You aren’t feeling sick or anything, right? Hang in there! Let’s get some points!”
Wise and Porta were both in school swimsuits.
Wise was…well, she was curvier than that steak platter anyway. Porta, of course, was adorable beyond measure, and the way she was keeping her bag balanced on her head was just too cute.
But even with Porta encouraging him—Wise didn’t really factor in—Masato didn’t have the energy to stand.
But then…
“Um… Masato, are you okay?”
“Huh? …Oh…”
Medhi had spoken to him. In her school swimsuit, she looked every bit as beautiful and pure and angelic as ever.
She was leaning slightly forward, peering into his face, and her rather large treasures were jiggling right before Masato’s eyes.
Mm. What else could he ask for in life?
There were times when a man just had to rise to the occasion. No, not that way. Phrasing. Point is, he got to his feet. To claim those treasures.
“Um, Masato…?”
“Oh, um, don’t worry, I’m fine! Totally fine! Sorry for making you worry!”
“Oh, good. Let’s try to enjoy this class!”
Medhi smiled and walked away. Jiggling. “…Wise could never manage that.”
“What are you looking at?” She stomped on his foot really hard and it hurt. A lot.
Even so, he couldn’t very well look pathetic in front of his heroine, so Masato was back in action. He steeled his ragged nerves and lined up with the other students.
A moment later, Mr. Burly came dragging a whiteboard over to them.
“Right, everyone’s here! And you’re all suited up! Good, everything’s in order! Naturally, I’m in my swimsuit, too! As you can see!”
Mr. Burly gestured proudly at his loincloth, as if to insist a loincloth was all the swimsuit a man could ever need.
But nobody enjoyed the sight, so they all ignored it.
“Bwa-ha-ha! Lots of you are averting your eyes, but you can’t be a teacher if you’re sensitive to these things! That said, I have been known to remember them later and weep quietly into my pillow.” For all his steely muscles, it seemed his mind was made of tofu. “I’d better explain what this class will be. Eyes on the whiteboard!”
The theme of the class was Waterside Training.
For combatants, monsters would appear in the pool, and they would fight them. They’d be ranked based on the number of enemies defeated, and the rarity of them, and the top-ranked student would get points.
For those with crafting jobs, they would be creating items from the materials the monsters dropped. They would be ranked based on the success rate and rarity of items created.
The combatants would defeat monsters and gather the drops. The crafters would take those drops, make items, and distribute them to the combatants. The combatants would use those items to fight more effectively. The key to this whole exercise would be both parties working in harmony to achieve the greatest results.
“And one more important factor! Don’t worry if the monsters that appear belong in fresh or salt water! Just accept them as is! Got it?”
““““Right!”””” everyone said, agreeing to the unwritten rule.
With the explanation complete, Mr. Burly suddenly began to look nervous.
“Um, so as class begins, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to. Come on, boys! Ready? Let me introduce you to…”
“Me, of course!” Medhimama said forcefully.
Her lustrous, slim, youthful body was clad in a gold bikini.
Medhimama strode confidently past the students, her chest puffed out as if daring them to ogle it. “You look amazing, Mother!” Medhi cheered, clapping her hands.
But…
“Yes. Thank you. If we can get back to the point…”
“Wha…? Mr. Burly! Just as the male students are all in a frenzy…?!”
““““…Sigh…”””” Everyone slumped.
“H-hey! You there! Why did you just sigh? Why are you all hanging your heads?! Look at me! At my swimsuit! Does it not thrill you?! Come, cheer for me!”
“All right, let’s get Medhimama out of the way… And now, ladies and gentlemen!”
The one he’d meant to introduce was, of course…
“Hi, everyone! I’m Ma-kun’s mother, Mamako! I hope you all work very hard!”
Mamako.
A mom. In a school swimsuit.
An actual mom. In a real school swimsuit.
For a moment, nobody there knew how to process this spectacle.
But she was large where it counted, and she was Mamako, after all.
““““Woo-hoo! Welcome, school-swimsuit Mamako!””””
The male students erupted with cries of joy. Each time the bounty mounted on her chest swayed, something stirred within them!
At the edge of this commotion, Masato was attempting to expel all the air from his lungs, dive to the bottom of the pool, and cling to it for the rest of his life.
If it was just a regular swimsuit… If it was anything but a school swimsuit…
After seeing something like this, as her son, as a human being, as an organic life-form, he simply could not go on living.
As Masato attempted to convert himself into an unknown mineral at the bottom of the pool… “Masato!” “What are you doing?!” Porta and Wise dragged him back up. It was a very sad sight.
“Um, quiet down, class,” Mr. Burly said, wincing. “Calm down. Particularly you, hero. Take a deep breath and learn to live on dry land.”
“Gah… Shiraaase… How could you…? You’re a menace…”
To a son, there could be nothing worse than the sight of his mother in a school swimsuit. Like a virulent poison that affected only the eyesight and brain. The corruption may not prove fatal, but he would suffer all the same.
For Masato, even though it had its own problems, Medhimama’s swimsuit was much…
No, maybe not. A mom waltzing into a place like this in a gold bikini and self-destructing wasn’t exactly…
“…Heh-heh… Toxic bitch… Serves you right… That was funny as hell…”
“Gotta say I feel the same way… Wait…”
He replied without thinking, but who said that?
He glanced toward the voice and found his angel, Medhi.
“What’s wrong, Masato?”
“Huh? Uh, no, nothing…”
Had Medhi said that? No, there was no way.
She was a beautiful girl. She’d never be so foulmouthed, or say anything like “That was funny as hell.” She wasn’t Wise!
“Geez… Wise, you shouldn’t go calling people ‘toxic bitch.’ Even if it’s true, it’s rude to Medhi!”
“Huh? What?”
Wise look baffled, but she was clearly just playing innocent. Whatever. It didn’t matter.
Medhimama was getting even more heated, yelling, “What’s the meaning of this? It doesn’t make sense! I’m being treated horribly compared to Mamako! Mr. Burly, explain yourself!”
“Now, now, you’re just imagining it! It’s all in your head! The observation seats are right over there! If the class can’t proceed smoothly, I’m sure that’ll affect your daughter’s results, so if you wouldn’t mind…”
“Argh! …Y-you have a point! I’ll quiet down for now, I suppose! Reluctantly!”
Scowling like a demon, Medhimama stalked over to the stands and sat down.
“Mamako, over here! Next to me!”
“R-right! If you’ll excuse me.”
“Hmph! …I can certainly see that you’re a beautiful woman and have taken very good care of yourself, but so have I! And yet…so frustrating!”
Medhimama’s grumbles showed no signs of subsiding, but there was no point in paying them any attention.
Class was starting.
Masato and the other students scattered around the poolside. The combatants had weapons in hand, and the crafters were ready for Item Creation, everyone waiting for the signal.
“Ready…set…go! When I say that, you can start. Just kidding! Bwa-ha-ha!”
All students registered Mr. Burly as an enemy and targeted him right then and there. Mr. Burly had drawn all aggro in the room. His defeat was assured. “Whoa, sorry?! I’m a bit of a prankster!” Being a prankster would not earn him forgiveness.
“W-well then, for real! Ready…go!”
At last they got started. The combat students all jumped into the pool.
A lot of monsters spawned in the water. Monster fish, invertebrates like octopuses and squids, and even some sort of living seaweed. All sorts of aquatic creatures.
Yep. Exclusively aquatic monsters.
“Mr. Burly! I don’t suppose there will be any flying monsters?”
“Oh, no. I mean, this class is for monsters found near water. So only aquatic.”
“I figured as much, but arghhhhhhh!”
Masato was specialized in fighting aerial foes and was not going to impress anyone here. But it was too soon to give up entirely. Masato wrangled his emotions into some semblance of enthusiasm and joined the fight.
But he didn’t jump right into the water. He couldn’t do that here. The poolside was packed with other students.
He needed to get himself in the middle.
If I leap off the diving board and swim a few strokes, I’ll secure a good hunting spot!
He ran along the side of the pool (No running in the pool area!) and headed for the diving board.
His route took him past the observation seats.
“Oh, there’s Ma-kun! Ma-kun! Mommy’s right here! Good luck!”
Medhimama scowled at him, but Mamako smiled, waving.
Cheered on by his mom in a school swimsuit. He puked blood. “…Guh…”
“Eeek! M-M-Ma-kun?!”
Masato began to collapse…
But out of the corner of his eye, he saw Wise go off the diving board into the pool.
“Ha-ha! You lie there and die, I’m going on ahead!”
“Ah! Wait! I had my eye on it first! Damn!”
The damage from school-swimsuit mom was dire, but this was no time for dying!
And his other rival…
“Masato! Pardon me!”
…was Medhi. She was also aiming for the center of the pool.
Medhi’s dive was flawless, a sleek arc transitioning smoothly into a perfect crawl. The water pressure built up by her endowments proved no obstacle, and she made great time. “Wha…?! She’s fast!” Wise said, quickly passed despite having negligible water pressure to contend with herself.
And when Medhi reached a fish monster, she took the staff in her hand…
…and clubbed it!
“Hahhh!”
Thunk! One shot. The head caved in, and the monster died instantly. It floated sideways and turned to dust.
“Wha…? You’re finishing it with physical attacks, not magic? Medhi, are you a melee healer?”
“Yes! I’m a healer specialized in bash damage! Mother said I should be the ultimate being, a healer who challenges the assumption that healers aren’t strong!”
“She’s an educational master… I can’t help being impressed…but I can’t stand here gawking!”
Masato jumped into the pool himself. He pushed through the water, and as a monster approached—“First one!”—he slashed an octopus in two.
Masato defeated the octopus. Received item: Octopus Arm.
It was literally an octopus arm.
“Oh, materials! Hey, Porta! Where are you? Take this!”
“Here! I’m right here! Leave it to me!”
Masato tossed the material to her. Porta caught it beautifully. Time for Item Creation.
Porta took the Octopus Arm in hand and did her cute little chant. The visuals were alarming, but the chant made it cute.
“Will it be good? It’ll be good! A good item…done!”
Light poured out of Porta’s hands, and when she opened them…
Takoyaki flour, eggs, water, salad oil, and diced octopus arm. She also had a hot plate with lots of round depressions.
Porta created Takoyaki Party Set!
She’d gone to all the trouble of making it, but Masato was less than impressed.
“Wh-what is that…?”
“A Takoyaki Party Set! It lets me make takoyaki, which can recover status ailments! I’ll make some right away!”
“S-sure… Just…don’t burn yourself…”
“That sounds like fun!” Mamako said. “Mind if I join you? If we mix store-bought chuno sauce (a sauce made from a blend of fruits and veggies) and mentsuyu (a soup base typically used in soba and udon dishes), we can get a sauce every bit as good as the specialty sauces. The dashi in the mentsuyu really makes the flavors pop!”
“Yikes, look who took the bait…”
“All right, let’s get cooking!” Wise said, joining them. “I’m great at flipping them!”
Takoyaki Girls Club @ Poolside had officially launched. School swimsuit takoyaki cooking by the pool. What was even going on…?
And wasn’t Wise supposed to be defeating enemies? Masato was puzzled, but then he realized…
Oh… Did she get her magic sealed already…?
He hadn’t noticed, but it was entirely possible… He could totally see her choking back tears, desperately distracting herself by mixing takoyaki ingredients. Poor thing.
But whatever, it was just Wise.
“This is a competition, so don’t call me heartless for it! You can’t blame me here!”
One less rival was something to be welcomed.
All he had to worry about was his one remaining rival, Medhi.
“Hey, Medhi! You’re sure working hard!”
“Yes! Losing is simply not an option. Even if I’m up against you, I won’t go easy!”
“I like that passion! Let’s see who wins!”
He regretted not getting fired up enough to add an “I love you,” but he had bigger fish to fry.
The number of monsters in the pool was steadily dropping. Medhi had been cleaning up. She had a pretty solid lead on him by now.
It would be tough catching up, but he wasn’t ready to admit defeat just yet.
“There must be one somewhere! Now’s my chance to turn the tables! A special bonus enemy or… Mm…?”
Something caught the corner of Masato’s eye.
A large shadow in the pool. Much, much bigger than any of the other monsters, swimming along, its body writhing.
That was definitely a special enemy. It better be anyway.
“Right! That’s what I’ve been waiting for! This is my chance! …Medhi! Sorry, but I’m taking that one down!”
“No, I won’t let you! I’ll defeat it!”
Masato swam after the shadow. Medhi started swimming, too. The two were evenly matched, in a dead heat.
Just then…
“Ma-kun! Don’t push yourself too hard! The scores don’t really matter! What matters most is that you don’t hurt yourself!”
“Medhi! You know what to do! You must be number one, no matter what! If you aren’t number one, there’s no point! You can’t let that Masato kid beat you!”
Both moms’ voices echoed across the water. One asking only for her child’s safety. One asking only for her child’s victory. Both cries revealing everything about the speakers.
Meanwhile, their children…
“Argh! You say that, and now I’ve gotta work twice as hard! Geez!”
Masato swam even faster.
Of course he did. If he slacked off after being told not to push himself, it would be like he was letting Mamako spoil him. Please. He didn’t have an Oedipus complex!
But deep down…
…My mom really does care about me.
A part of him was pleased by this reminder. It wasn’t a bad feeling at all, not that he wanted to admit it. Best to forget it.
Meanwhile, Medhi slowed down. She was gradually falling behind. Why…?
Then he heard Medhi whisper, “Ughhh… ‘Number one, number one’… You’re so obnoxious… Just drop dead already…”
“…Huh?”
Masato definitely heard that whisper. No doubt about it.
Medhi, his shining beauty…had a storm cloud cast over her expression. Her eyes went dark, like she’d lost faith in everything. She looked beyond irritated, her teeth grinding.
W-wait… What is this…?
Had he misheard her? Was he seeing things? No, this was rock-solid reality.
The oasis of Masato’s heart, the angel he’d found at last, the heroine he was destined to meet had turned into something else entirely.
And then the shadow suddenly surfaced.
“Nyrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
He wasn’t sure if that was a voice or just a sound.
The monster was a sea anemone as large as a tree. It towered over them, dozens of tentacles sprouting out of its upper torso, all of them wriggling and writhing. It was really creepy, and it smelled even worse.
The giant anemone got the first attack.
“What?! Already?!”
“Wha…? Eeek?!”
A number of thin tentacles stretched out, bearing down on Masato and Medhi as they stared in horror…!
Or so they thought. “…Huh?” The swarm of tentacles suddenly changed direction. “Mm?” They passed over Masato’s head. “Hey, that’s…” Stretching and stretching.
The tentacles attacked Mamako at the Takoyaki Party, where she’d been cheering Masato on.
“Oh? Oh, oh, oh?! Eeeek?!”
“Hey! Why’re you targeting my mom?!”
The reason was unclear…but it was likely just because she was a mom.
In all of human history, there were extremely few instances of tentacle attacks on moms. Perhaps that’s why the giant anemone decided to go for her.
To leave its mark on history.
“Nyrrrrrrr! Nyuuurruu!”
The tentacles completely ignored the panic-stricken merchant girl and the takoyaki-gobbling high school Sage, wrapping exclusively around Mamako’s body!
Slimy tentacles around her arms, feet, and thighs!
The boldest of the tentacle tips were slipping under the edges of the swimsuit, the bastards!
Ah! Th-they were coming out! The swimsuit was being pulled aside and the parts that should be hidden were on full display!
“Nooo! There’s something slimy and wriggly all over meee! It feels so weeeird! …Ma-kun! Mommy’s being attacked by lots of slimy things! Eeek!”
“Arghhh!! That’s enoooooough!!”
This was unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. The situation, Mamako’s voice, everything. Masato turned to rescue her when…
“Hold it!” Medhimama’s voice rang out.
She was glaring furiously at the giant anemone.
“You there, what is the meaning of this? Why are you only targeting Mamako? …She’s not the only beautiful mother here! Wouldn’t you say I am far preferable to Mamako? You would, right?”
Medhimama puffed up her chest, encouraging the tentacles to come after her.
It was unclear where the anemone’s face was, but it clearly took a long look at her, then turned away. “What?!” Obviously not interested. Mamako won this popularity contest… Her son had no idea how to handle any of this.
He…he couldn’t think about that now.
“Mama! Here!”
“Thanks, Porta! …Mommy’s gonna punish this bad, slimy tentacle monster!”
Mamako took Altura from Porta and held it high. The Holy Sword of Mother Ocean responded to her motherly rage, unleashing its overwhelming power.
Instantly, all the water in the pool concentrated into a massive spiral, launching the giant anemone upward. The monster’s massive form flew through the air—the perfect place for Masato to attack.
“Good, good, good, good! Leave flying enemies to meeeeee!”
Masato swung Firmamento with all his might.
The beam locked onto the target, and the sleazy foe was sliced completely in two.
The practical exam in the pool concluded, Mr. Burly was announcing results.
“Allow me to list the top scorers! In third, the Knight, Male Student Number 3! Five points! Then in second, the Cleric, Medhi! Ten points! And right at number one…the hero, Masato! Thirty points! Congrats! A round of applause!”
“““Whoaaaaa! Masato, niiiiiiiiiice!”””
“Uh, thanks.”
As everyone cheered, Masato did a slow circle, bowing repeatedly.
The number of foes Masato had defeated was nowhere near Medhi or the other students, but the rarity of the foe he’d felled had scored him a huge bonus, and nobody was arguing with his placement.
He was number one with a bullet. And he’d finally scored some decent points. It would have taken a lot of hard work and level-ups to store this many points, but now they were his!
But as excited as everyone else was, Masato himself was unenthused. He could hardly get worked up about this.
His mind was on other things.
…That stuff I heard earlier was some kind of mistake, right?
What preyed on Masato’s mind was, of course, Medhi. He’d seen her face for only a moment…but the angry hiss she’d let out, the gloomy look on her face…he couldn’t get it out of his mind.
He glanced her way, and she looked just like she always did. His ideal heroine, smiling like an angel, looking at him with admiration…
“Masato, congratulations! The way you beat that rare monster with one hit was really cool! I couldn’t take my eyes off it!”
“Huh?! I—I was cool? Y-you couldn’t take your eyes off…? Wow… Um… Thanks.”
Praise like that certainly brought a warmth rising from deep within, but the other thing was still bugging him, so that warmth soon died down. He failed to get entirely carried away.
What now?
What was going on there? I should probably just ask her, but…
How could he broach the subject? He couldn’t exactly just ask straight up, “Hey, did you, like, totally snap a minute ago? What was that about?”
As Masato frowned, losing himself in thought…
“Ma-kun! Congrats!”
“Eeep?!”
This again? The woman who refused to understand her son’s feelings came running in and put her arms around his head, pressing it firmly into her chest. In her swimsuit. Unbearably soft.
“Mmf! Mom! Stop that! Everyone’s looking!”
“Oh, just give me a minute! I’m so proud of you! You got a lot of points! Isn’t that nice? Mommy’s so happy for you!”
“Hang on, I thought you didn’t know anything about SP? Let’s not make a big fuss about things you don’t even understand.”
“Oh, that’ll never happen. I am a mom, after all!”
“I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.”
There was a lot she was unclear on, but it was clear enough her son was being rewarded, and that was cause for celebration. That’s just how moms work, you know?
Porta came over, looking up at Masato with respect. Gasp. Perhaps the greatest reward of all.
“Masato! Congratulations!”
“Oh, thanks. Same for you, Porta! You were top crafter, and you got thirty points, too!”
“Yes! I am delighted!”
Porta threw both hands up in celebration, which was just too adorable for words.
“Up you go!” “Eep!” Masato grabbed her and hoisted her onto his shoulder.
With that done, what’s next? Maybe he shouldn’t poke a sore spot, but…
Wise was standing around, pretending she didn’t care.
“Hmph! Well, I ate three plates of takoyaki! There are eight pieces a plate, so that’s twenty-four whole pieces! Beat that!”
“Hmm… Well, if saying that doesn’t make you depressed, who am I to judge?”
“Gulp… I’m not crying… I refuse to cry…” Tears streamed down her face.
Maybe best to pretend not to notice how desperate she was to maintain her dignity. Just don’t look at her.
He didn’t have time for Wise right now. He had to focus on Medhi.
Masato turned around, looking for her…
“I told you over and over, you have to be number one! And now look what happened! You should be ashamed of yourself!”
A hysterical scream followed immediately by a loud crack.
That mother had just slapped her daughter’s cheek. And the daughter was just standing there and taking it.
“How dare you tell him he was cool!! You lost!! And then you go complimenting the one who beat you? Have you lost your mind?!”
“I—I just thought he was really strong and impressive…”
“Don’t you dare talk back to me! Repent in silence!”
“Y-yes, Mother… I’m sorry…”
“Honestly… I’ve never been so disappointed… Sigh… That’s enough. Enough. Go train yourself somewhere until after school. I’m doing this all for you, you know. Got that?”
“…Yes… Just as you say, Mother…”
With that final order, Medhimama stalked away, clearly still fuming.
Left behind, Medhi stared at her feet for a while and then turned and ran off, flying out the emergency exit.
Masato’s party was left staring after her.
“Wait, I shouldn’t just be standing here. I’m gonna go check if she’s all right!”
“Oh, wait, Ma-kun! Mommy’s coming, too!”
“Argh, you don’t need to come, Mom! Geez!”
He considered stopping to deal with her, but time was of the essence. Let her do what she wanted. Masato ran after Medhi.
Where had Medhi gone? He couldn’t find her. She had too much of a lead on him.
When Masato and Mamako reached the exit, they split up. “I’ll go right!” “Mommy will take the left!”
Masato went clockwise around the outside wall of the indoor pool but found no signs of Medhi.
“Tch! Not this way, hunh? Then Mom picked right?”
He went back the way he’d come, counterclockwise along the wall.
And ahead of him he saw a school swimsuit–clad butt… No, don’t look at it. That’s your mom’s.
Mamako was bent over at the corner of the building, peering around the corner.
“Hey, Mom. What’re you doing?”
“Oh, Ma-kun! Good timing. Take a look here…”
Mamako made room for him. He couldn’t get a read on her expression.
That bothered him, but he figured it was best to take a look for himself.
…Mm?
That was Medhi all right. Definitely here. It was her, but…
“…Argh… Pisses me off… Take that! And that!”
Medhi was kicking the wall of the building over and over. Thump. Thump. Like she was stomping it. Your classic yakuza kick.
Was he seeing this? Did his eyes deceive him? Was he hallucinating? All these possibilities seemed likely, but perhaps that was just wishful thinking.
He looked again, and Medhi was still yakuza kicking the hell out of the wall. Looking extremely unhappy. Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud.
“Arrghh… I seriously wanna kill that toxic bitch…”
He’d heard her talk like that before. All those half-heard hisses. Guess they were Medhi after all.
Some things in the world you’re better off not knowing. Mysteries of the world, secrets that endanger your very life.
The dark side of a beautiful girl was one of these.
This can’t be true… Someone, please tell me it’s not true…
He’d believed she was an angel. Not a fallen one.
He longed to gouge his eyes out and pretend he’d never seen this.
But he also couldn’t just leave her to it…and Mamako was giving him a shove, as if to say, “Ma-kun, give it a shot!” Like, now, of all times, she wanted him to take the lead. Oh well.
“Um… Ahem. Gosh, where could Medhi be?” he said, sounding totally natural. “Is she over here?”
He gave her a minute to compose herself and then stepped around the corner.
And found…
“…Oh, Masato. Mamako, too!”
Medhi turned to face them, looking like the absolute picture of beauty and purity, as if nothing out of sorts had just happened.
“What brings you both here? Were you looking for me?”
“Huh? Um, yeah, more or less.”
“We were worried, so we thought we’d come check on you.”
“Oh… Sorry to cause you any concern. I’ll be fine. As you can see.”
Medhi smiled brightly. If it weren’t for the slight swelling on her check, she’d seem exactly like she always did.
Like always…but she definitely had a dark side…but he couldn’t exactly ask, “Are you broken inside?”
So he elected to act normal.
“Um, can we talk? I couldn’t help noticing… Is your mother always like that?”
“Yes, that’s pretty typical.”
“So she’s always all ‘Be number one,’ and if you aren’t number one…she gets all mad and slaps you?”
“Yes. That’s my mother for you.”
Medhi nodded as if that was normal. As if she had no concerns about her mother’s behavior at all.
When Masato and Mamako were at a loss for words, Medhi took the lead.
“Do you two think my mother’s an awful person?”
“Um, well. If I’m being totally honest, I think ‘awful’ is an understatement. I’d go more with ‘reprehensible.’”
“Ma-kun! That’s going too far!”
“I’m only telling the truth. You can’t just smack people like that.”
“Well… I’m not saying I’m in favor of corporal punishment…but…”
“I don’t mind. Everyone who sees her acting like that says the same thing as you, Masato. They all say she’s horrible. But…”
Medhi paused, searching for words. Then she smiled again.
“But that’s fine. I don’t care what they say. It’s fine.”
“Uh, doesn’t seem like it. I mean, how is this fine?”
“Yes,” Mamako said. “I’m afraid I don’t think it seems exactly fine, either.”
“But it is,” Medhi said. “Mother doesn’t do this because she hates me. She’s strict with me because she’s thinking about what’s best for me, and she’s trying to raise me right. I know that much is true. I trust my mother.”
Her expression was grave as her words were clear. This didn’t seem like a lie.
“So don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine… I’m sure my mother will cause a commotion again, but we’ll only be together for a few days, so please…just put up with it. I know it’s a lot to ask.”
With this request, she politely bowed her head and turned to leave.
Masato and Mamako couldn’t bring themselves to stop her. They just stood and watched her go.
“…What do you think, Mom?”
“Well… It seems like Medhi really cares about Medhimama… If this were a mom interview, I’d want to give her a gold star…”
“If that were all there was to it, sure. But…”
“Yes, indeed…”
The two of them looked at the wall, covered in scuffs from the brutal kicking it had endured.
It was beyond doubt that Medhi both cared deeply about her mother and had some much nastier feelings lurking below the surface.
“…What do we do?”
“…What do we do?”
Both mother and son sighed as one.
The curriculum for the day over, the results were published.
Masato: 50 SP. Wise: 20 SP. Porta: 50 SP.
If you counted each takoyaki she’d eaten as one point, Wise drew within shooting distance of the other two, but considering that also made her number one in calories consumed for the day, and the moment she realized that she quickly started doing sit-ups… Well, that’s a story for another day.
Their scores were certainly appreciated, but the second day of school had left them with other things on their minds.
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