Chapter 1 Do You Love Your Mom on a Goblin-Slaying Quest?
Guardian’s name:
Mamako Oosuki.
Admin supporting your adventures:
Ms. Shiraaase. (Masumi Shirase.)
Party size (If test players are included, please list their names):
Five.
Ma-kun, Wise, Medhi, Porta, Mamako Oosuki.
Please select how you were registered initially:
√ Combat (No Crafting) Noncombat (Crafting)
Looking back on your time in the game, please let us know your genuine feelings.
I’m having a fun adventure with my son, Ma-kun, and our lovely companions. Every day is so fulfilling, and I’m very happy.
Do you have any opinions on the clothing available in-game?
Most of the equipment pieces are missing tags explaining the materials and how to care for them, so it’s quite concerning when I go to wash them.
I messed up washing my son Ma-kun’s equipment once, so it would be a big help if you could include those. Please.
Do you have any opinions about the food available in-game?
On the rare occasions we do eat out, all the restaurants are lovely, but they are Western-style. I’ve never seen a shop serving ramen or sushi—or even a family restaurant. My son, Ma-kun, says he’d like to eat that kind of food sometimes, so I wish it was available.
Do you have any opinions on life inside the game?
We’re using inns every day, but they’re all Western-style, so we have to keep our shoes on. I’m aware of cultural differences, but I find it quite tiring on my feet.
When staying at an inn, could we at least change to slippers in our rooms?
Do you have any opinions on the monsters that appear in the world?
Well, about monsters…
Dawn light filtered into their rooms at the inn. It was the beginning of another day of adventure.
Masato finished getting ready and found Mamako already standing at the entrance. She had a pop-up window screen open in front of her and was thinking hard.
“Yo, Mom, what’s up?”
“Oh, Ma-kun. You see, management sent me another survey. I was planning on finishing it before we left, but it’s a little difficult.”
“Hmm… Mm-hmm, mm-hmm… Ohhh, right.”
Just a little curious, he peered over her shoulder, reading her answers.
Then he frowned. He couldn’t let this all go unchallenged.
“First off, you don’t need to write ‘my son, Ma-kun,’ every time… Second, every one of these opinions is just ridiculous.”
“Oh? It is?”
“We don’t need tags on our equipment. They’d just be itchy!”
“I know they can be itchy sometimes, but… Oh! I wonder if that would count as damage!”
“Someone with sensitive skin could well be killed by their own equipment. That is a concern. Uh, so about the ramen and family restaurant thing…”
“You’ve said before that you miss those places!”
“I do! But I don’t want them so bad I want to ruin the immersion of the setting. I’m the hero; I can’t go around ruining the world! I can manage without a ramen shop. Still…”
“But you agree the inns should provide slippers, surely.”
“I guess. But…I think people would forget to change and accidentally leave the inn with them on. I wouldn’t, obviously, but these things happen.”
Masato looked surreptitiously down at his feet. “Gah?!” We won’t say what he saw, but he did remember some urgent business and hastily retreated to his room. Three minutes later…
Actually ready this time, Masato was back at the entrance, talking to Mamako again.
“So what I’m saying is: What part of this is hard?”
“About the monsters… I’m just not sure what to put. Monsters are dangerous, so the world is better off without them, right?”
“I think that’s true as a general rule, sure.”
“But there are also non-dangerous monsters in the world. Like the Blins!”
“Blins? …Oh, I remember now. Right after Wise joined the party, yeah? I’d totally forgotten.”
Their fateful encounter with the Blins. It all started when…
“Wake up. Ma-kun, wake up.”
This whisper brought a realization. He was asleep.
This voice… Mom…?
If his mom was trying to wake him, it was probably past time for him to be up.
But he was still so sleepy…
“He’s not waking up… In that case, I think it’s time for a good morning kiss—”
“Wha—?! Don’t do that!!”
Being woken by a kiss from Mom was, to any normal fifteen-year-old boy, entirely out of the question. Enough to shake off all lingering sleepiness and pop his eyes right open.
His mother’s face was right there.
Far too youthful a face. Wrinkles? Spots? Not a one. She could tell people she was in high school, and no one would bat an eye. And that face was inches from his.
…Is she really my mother?
She looked so young even her actual son doubted that fact sometimes.
But Mamako was definitely Masato’s actual mother.
When she saw he’d woken up, she broke out in a blissful smile, as if that was all it took to make her the happiest woman in the world.
“Hee-hee-hee. You’re awake! Good morning, Ma-kun!”
“Oh… Good morning.”
“It is a good morning. You should get up and get dressed!”
“Right. I’m not a kid anymore, remember? So don’t talk to me like that… And like, I appreciate you waking me up and all, but you shouldn’t just barge into my room…”
But even as he grumbled, realization hit him.
“…Huh?”
He looked around. This wasn’t his room.
Wooden floors, earthen walls, wooden ceiling. There was another bed next to his. The only other furniture was a single table.
This didn’t look like a hotel, either—it was like an inn in a fantasy world. And the light shining from the magic lamp only added to that vibe.
He remembered now.
Oh, right. That’s right. I’m inside a game, staying at an inn.
Yep, Masato was currently inside a fantasy MMORPG. His computer screen had started glowing and sucked him inside. Somehow. And here he was.
And when he turned to look, there stood his mother. Mamako.
“…You’re still here.”
“What’s that, Ma-kun? Something wrong with Mommy?”
“Nope, never mind.”
No joking. For real. Masato was playing a full-dive game with his mom.
Why was his mom here, too? This appeared to be a scheme concocted by the government, who was managing this game, and Masato had deep misgivings about the whole thing.
But I can’t just keep complaining about it. Gotta stay calm.
He was still inside a game. He’d dreamed about this happening. He had to try to enjoy the moment. He took a deep breath, letting his heart grow calm.
He got off the bed and went to the window. Outside was a medieval European landscape, a town built like it belonged on the coast of the Mediterranean.
Waking up to a view like this, inhaling the air—what a great way to start a day in a game world. Or that was the plan anyway.
But when he opened the curtains…
“Huh? It’s still dark?”
Dim anyway. The sun hadn’t risen yet. In the distance, the sky appeared to be growing slightly lighter, but he could barely see the town at all.
“Uh, Mom? What time is it?”
“About four thirty… Actually, because you overslept, it might be almost five now!”
“That’s not oversleeping! Why’d you wake me up this early? This is nuts!”
“But… Ma-kun, have you forgotten?”
“Huh? Forgotten what?”
“You know, at dinner yesterday, we were all talking about the outdoor market. And we decided to have breakfast there!”
“At the market…? Oh, right, yeah. I remember now.”
There was a restaurant there open very early, serving the people who stocked and ran the market stalls. It was similar to the outer market at Tsukiji in Japan—and open to the public.
They supposedly served an amazing breakfast made from fresh ingredients delivered direct from the source, so it definitely sounded worth trying.
“Got it! Just lemme get ready.”
Masato hastily began changing his equipment. He threw off his pajama top and was about to go for the bottoms, when…
“Oh my! Ma-kun! When did you get so buff?”
“Wait, you’re still here?! Maybe don’t stand around watching your son change, huh?! And quit it with the blushing… Augh?!”
He’d been standing on one leg, his pajama pants half off, and lost his balance.
“Oh, Ma-kun! Look out— Ah!”
Masato staggered forward. Mamako tried to catch him but was less than successful.
They wound up falling onto the bed together. Poof.
“Augh! Sorry, Mom! You okay?”
“Yes, Mommy’s fine. What about you, Ma-kun?”
“Yeah, nothing wrong on my end… But there’s a lot wrong with our current situation…”
A mother and a son, lying on a bed together. The son on top, wearing nothing but his underwear.
And at that precise moment…
“Mamakooo! How’s it going?”
“Did Masato wake up yet?”
…the door opened, and two other party members came in.
The first was a fifteen-year-old high school Sage in a crimson sorcerer jacket—Wise.
The second was the party’s youngest, a twelve-year-old Traveling Merchant with a trademark overstuffed shoulder bag—Porta.
They both saw Masato and Mamako lying in bed together and froze.
““…Oh…””
Um… So…
Porta buried her face in her hands, as if denying she’d seen anything.
Wise began trembling. Her magic power was rising fast.
“…Look, Masato. Mamako is your mother. So her seeing you change or taking baths with you is one thing. She did all that when you were little, y’know?”
“W-wait, Wise! Let me explain!”
“But this is going too far! There are lines humans are not meant to cross! You leave me no choice!”
A hefty magic tome appeared in Wise’s hand, and she began to chant.
“I’ll have to blast some morals into you! …Spara la magia per mirare… Bomba Sfera!”
“You can’t just bomb the inn at the crack of daw— Uuuuughhh!”
She was hardly in any position to lecture him on morals, but his cries of protest were drowned out by the explosion.
And the spell Wise cast was single target, so Mamako was fine. Objects were indestructible, so everything in the room was fine, too. And there was no penalty for attacking party members.
The game world was arranged in her favor.
Only Masato’s safety was not guaranteed.
“…Sigh… Another unjust punishment…”
“It’s your own fault for getting yourself in an easily misunderstood predicament. And besides, if you hadn’t chosen today of all days to oversleep, none of this would ever have happened.”
“I’m legitimately sorry for oversleeping! But…Wise, you’re the one sharing a room with me. Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“I tried a bunch of times, and you didn’t get up! That’s why I had to go get Mamako! Or what, you wanted to wake up to me chain casting spells on you?”
“You couldn’t just use a wake-up spell? Besides, you ended up chain casting at me anyway…”
“Then, next time, leave it to me! I’ll use an item that cures sleep and wakes you up gently!”
“Aw, Porta! When you get all earnest like that, nothing else matters!”
Porta looked up at Masato, radiating absolute purity. That was all it took to cleanse his body and mind. To warm his heart. To fill his heart to the brim.
But it didn’t help with the hunger.
“Well, everyone’s here! Let’s get going! Yay!”
Apparently, his mother was even more impatient, and she led the party onward to breakfast.
They left the inn, headed down the main street. This was the peak time for goods being transported; wagons laden with merchandise were going this way and that. Watching them pass, they turned down the road to the commercial district.
With the sun not yet risen, the town had been unusually quiet, but as they drew closer, they could hear the bustle of the market. The hearty shouts that brought in customers during the day were absent, but the thud of wares being unloaded and the rummaging sounds as they were shelved created quite a racket.
Rows of bare-bones shops were dotted throughout the square—your classic outdoor market.
“Right, here we are! Now where’s this restaurant?”
Masato looked around, searching for signs.
“Hey, you there! You here for breakfast?” called a man arranging armor in a stall nearby.
He was a burly fellow. His hands never stopped moving as he spoke, and he seemed to be in a rather foul mood.
“’Fraid all the restaurants are closed today. No food came in. Can’t cook anything, no matter how bad they want to.”
“What? Closed? What happened to the food?”
“It’s a real nuisance… Hup!” The stall owner got the last piece of armor arranged on his display and finally turned to face the party. “The way I hear it, the wagons carrying everything were attacked by goblins, and they made off with all the supplies. Really did a number on us.”
“Goblins?” said Masato, exasperated. “They just had to pick today?”
“Seriously, monsters stealing human food? You’ve gotta be kidding me,” lamented Wise.
“I agree! Right now, we got no foodstuffs coming in via land routes. And the groceries are buying up whatever does come in to meet demand, leaving nothing for the restaurants and forcing them all to close.”
“And all the grocery stores will be short on supplies, inflating the prices, ruining household budgets!”
“We were so looking forward to breakfast, and now we can’t have any! I’m so sad!” said Porta.
“Exactly. Leaves us without breakfast, either… Oh, speak of the devil.”
A wagon had arrived at the marketplace looking extremely worse for wear.
The horses appeared uninjured, but the canvas was shredded, and there were arrows left sticking out of the exterior.
The grim-looking driver looked up and stopped the wagon in front of the armor stall. The stall clerk called out, as if addressing an old friend.
“Yo! They got you good, eh, fruit shop man?”
“Yeah, it was a real bad one. Completely out of nowhere. Goblins screaming out of the woods on both sides; took everything I had. All the other food vendors met the same fate.”
These attacks were clearly happening frequently.
Masato took another look at the wagon and wondered if its ragged state could give him some idea how strong these goblin raiders were.
“Oh… M-Ma-kun! Ma-kun! Look!”
“Er… Wait, wh-what the…?”
Mamako had suddenly grabbed his arm, frantically pointing at the back of the wagon.
Masato peered inside, curious as to what had prompted her reaction.
…Uh?
There was a coffin inside.
Masato gulped and turned to the two men.
“Uh, um, hello? About the thing in your wagon…”
“Mm? Oh, this? Probably an adventurer. Got mixed up in the goblin attack and passed away—I figured I’d better haul ’em to a church.”
“I see…”
“Adventurers have it rough! Monsters get them, the death penalty traps them in a coffin, and they can’t move on their own.”
“Town NPCs like us have it easy, in that sense. We can only die during events! Monsters don’t even attack us directly.”
“NPCs who know they’re NPCs sure are something! Totally different worldview.”
“Ha-ha-ha! The difference between players and NPCs is the same as between any other jobs.”
“Yep. For merchants like us, anyone who buys our wares is a customer. They contribute to our profits; we’d even roll out a red carpet for a monster!”
“Th-that would be weird…”
This was a “fun” world where even the NPCs knew they were in a game. That aside…
“Still, going out of your way to haul a corpse… Oh, is there a fee for your service? Does it turn a profit?”
“No, no, nothing like that. The corpse here is a nun. Didn’t seem like the friendliest sort, but pretty enough—figured it wouldn’t do me any harm to take care of her.”
At this point, things started sounding familiar. Could it be…?
Masato glanced at the others and saw the same strained smile on every face. Clearly, they were all thinking the same thing. That clinched it.
“Uh, sorry… Can we take a peek inside?”
“Oh, go right ahead. The lady in here is just unable to move because her HP hit zero, but she’s pretty enough to look at!”
Permission granted, Masato clambered into the wagon.
He slid the coffin lid aside, checking the contents…
“…Zzzz…”
…and, as promised, he found a nun. A beautiful woman with long black hair and not an ounce of “friendly” anywhere to be found.
Someone the party knew only too well, deep in a slumber far from eternal.
They took the coffin from the fruit seller and hauled it to a corner of the market.
Wise summoned her hefty tome and cast a spell.
“My turn to contribute! …Spara la magia per mirare… Rianimato!”
The revival spell activated. The light of life poured down upon her, and the coffin dissipated around the immobile body…
…and she emerged.
“Good morning, everyone. I can infooorm you that I am Shiraaase, the mysterious nun. I shall not, however, infooorm you of anything specific about what is so mysterious.”
The expressionless woman behind this terrible pun called herself Shiraaase, though her real name was Masumi Shirase.
She was the person who had brought Masato and Mamako into the game. In the real world, she was an External Surveyor with the Cabinet Office Policy Division (Department of Policy on Cohesive Society), so this mysterious nun’s true identity wasn’t particularly mysterious at all.
Shiraaase looked around and then clasped her hands together in prayer.
“It seems we are bound together by fate. Once again, I must thank you for reviving me.”
“This always happens. At least sixty percent of the coffins we find have you inside. The other forty percent have Wise.”
“Hey! I haven’t died all that much! I haven’t even died at all!!”
“But if you’ve appeared like this, there must be something going on. Is this connected with the goblin attacks on the food wagons?”
“Oh, you’re already aware? Then I shall infooorm you of the particulars. First, I should explain the root cause—this is a setting error by management.”
“A setting error?”
Shiraaase bowed her head low.
“There is a large forest on the road from Catharn. A quest boss was placed there—and a band of goblins.”
“Hmm.”
“To ensure that these goblins were properly villainous and a target for extermination, we set them to conduct raids. They were designed to attack adventurers and steal their equipment and valuables.”
“…But you got that setting wrong?”
“It seems we did. They began unexpectedly attacking not just adventurers, but also the wagons carrying food supplies.”
Get it together, Management! Your players deserve better!
Masato and Wise communicated this with a pair of meaningful glares.
But the management team member before them remained unperturbed. She always did.
“Naturally, we’d love to patch it, but unfortunately, management has their hands full with much more pressing issues. It may be a while before anyone can get around to it.”
“So you’re just leaving it?” asked Masato.
“It’s disrupting people’s lives here! You can’t just do nothing!” protested Wise.
“Your anger is entirely justified. However, as it is possible to handle this matter in-game, the issue was deemed low priority.”
“In-game? You mean a system-side fix from here?”
“No, no, not at all. Once exterminated, the goblins here will not respawn for some time. In other words…”
“Oh, I get it. As long as someone wipes them out, you’ll buy yourself enough time to make the bug fix. And that someone is…”
“Us!” Mamako cried, breaking her silence.
Next to her, Wise and Porta nodded emphatically.
Masato had no objections, so the deal was struck.
“Shiraaase, mind if we handle this?”
“Please do. I’ll set this matter up as an emergency quest. And prepare an appropriate reward. Take care!”
“Right… Then let’s go exterminate these vicious food-stealing monsters that killed Shiraaase!”
“““Yeah!”””
But just as their righteousness reached its peak…
“What? Killed me? No, no, my death was unrelated to the goblins.”
“Huh…?”
“Actually, as I was investigating the scene, I felt suddenly thirsty. I then accidentally drank a poison-based attack item.”
“Uh…”
“And unfortunately, I had no antidotes with me. The poison did damage over time and eventually killed me. Even Shiraaase is capable of such comedic blunders, ho-ho-ho.”
“Uh, right, then. Um… A-anyway, let’s get going…”
“““Y-yeah…”””
Mm. Well. The emergency quest was underway.
The fruit seller heard they were after the goblins and volunteered to guide them to the location. Masato’s party sat in the back of the man’s wagon, eating a makeshift breakfast out of the few apples and bananas that had survived the attack. It was a bumpy ride.
But it didn’t take them long to reach the location. The fruit seller gave them a hearty shout of encouragement, waved them on, and they headed into battle.
“…This sure is a forest.”
Indeed. Everywhere they looked, they saw nothing but trees.
Following an animal trail, they moved rapidly forward.
“Seems pretty big… I hope we can find the goblins…”
“This better not be some low–spawn rate crap. That always pisses me off,” said Wise.
“Seriously! Nothing more stressful than a special boss that only appears X percent of the time. Especially the ones you bump into by surprise and get your ass handed to you before you realize what you’re fighting.”
“Then you grind your level and get all your equipment ready and can’t get the asshole to spawn again and just keep looping through until your head hurts.”
“Yeah, what’s with that crap? Are they programmed so they know you aren’t ready?”
“Like, are they specifically meant to kill you on your first encounter? Bad design, either way.”
“Um… Porta, dear? What are Ma-kun and Wise talking about?”
“Just normal game stuff!”
Mamako didn’t know much about games and was totally lost.
The party continued pressing on through the forest.
“…Oh, enemy sighted!” Porta cried. Her big round eyes had the Appraise skill, so she spotted the enemy first.
Ferocious wolves, giant ants and beetles, poisonous caterpillars—an assortment of standard forest foes.
“Sadly, not the quest target, but might as well take ’em out!”
“Roger that! I’ll just chain cast—”
“Mommy’s gonna do her best!” Tup-tup-tup-tup!
“Wha—?! Mamako, you’re too fast!!”
Mamako had the highest initiative in the party, so she always went first.
In her right hand, the crimson-bladed Holy Sword of Mother Earth—Terra di Madre.
In her left hand, the deep-blue-bladed Holy Sword of Mother Ocean—Altura.
Two holy swords, each unleashing powerful attacks.
“Here’s Mommy’s attack! …Hyah!”
Mamako swung Terra di Madre, and countless rock spikes shot out of the ground, piercing the pack of monsters.
“Gyahrr?!” “Gah-gah-gah?!” “Igyyyyy?!”
Her AOE attack struck home. The monsters crumbled, their bodies turning to dust.
But the bug monsters, with their strong shells, remained alive.
Then…
“One more! …Hyah!”
Mamako swung Altura, and a stream of water appeared where the blade passed, forming bullets of water, which launched themselves at all targets.
“Clck-clck-clck?!” “Baghh!” “MERCILESS!”
The monsters that withstood the first attack were easily reduced to ash, and the battle was done.
The monsters were defeated!
“Look, look, Ma-kun! Mommy did it!”
“Yeah, you sure did…”
His mother was strong. Her firepower was quite literally out of this world.
The holy swords she dual-wielded each boasted top-class attack stats, even for event-exclusive items. Extremely rare. And each did an AOE attack that split damage among all foes—pretty impressive specs.
Naturally, Masato had a holy sword himself and was totally capable of fighting, but his sword was specialized against flying enemies, so he struggled against certain foes—but that wasn’t really the problem, was it?
He sighed. Come on… You know this is how things are. Just accept it.
Masato’s mother had two-hit multi-target attacks. Overwhelming DPS.
That was just a fact. Sniffle.
No, he wasn’t crying. Not a tear to be seen. He remained strong.
But just as they were about to resume their search for the goblins…
“…Oh? Who is that child?” Mamako asked, pointing. The others turned to look.
They saw a kid a short distance away between the trees. This kid was even smaller than Porta, and their back was to the party, messy hair swaying as they trotted away.
Then the kid broke into a run, moving swiftly into the depths of the forest.
“What’s a child doing here…? Based on the clothes, that’s gotta be a village kid…but there aren’t any towns nearby.”
“This forest is far too dangerous for a child on their own! Mommy’s going to go talk to them!” She dashed off.
“Whoa, wait! Don’t run off alone! Argh! Everyone, after them!”
Mamako’s maternal propulsion had left them all chasing after her again.
Their target was a child. They should have easily caught up—but this hope proved unfounded.
Unused to the uneven forest footing, the party struggled to maintain any real speed.
Meanwhile, the kid clearly knew the place well and moved steadily forward.
“Hello! Little one! Will you wait a moment?” Mamako called.
“Yo! Wait up! We won’t hurt you!” Masato tried.
But the kid never even glanced back.
The party couldn’t manage to keep up with the child, but they were at least able to maintain their distance. For a while, this pattern held.
Masato was beginning to have doubts. This didn’t feel right.
…Weird.
He was certain now. He’d better step in and handle things before it was too late.
“Guys, stop. I wanna check on something. Over here.”
They stopped running and took shelter behind a tree.
Mamako quietly placed herself right next to Masato, her large, fluffy, soft things pressed against his arm, which would have been nice if she wasn’t his mom.
Paying this any attention would turn the world against him, so he pretended it wasn’t happening.
“Um, Ma-kun? I’m not sure why we’re playing hide-and-seek.”
“We’re not. Keep quiet. Wait to see how they respond.”
The group waited silently with bated breath. And then…
…the kid came back.
For the first time, they got a look at the kid’s face…and it wasn’t human.
Pallid skin, a mouth split all the way to the ears—this kid looked evil. And if it knew how to trick humans…
“That’s a goblin,” Masato muttered.
He glanced at his party, and Wise and Porta nodded in agreement.
Only the owner of the two warm mounds squishing against his arm seemed to be having trouble keeping up.
“Um, Ma-kun, that is an unusual-looking child. I do hate to be rude, but…their face is rather frightening!” Squish, squish, squish.
“You’re not being rude— That’s a monster. A goblin.”
“Goodness, a monster? That child? Are you sure, Ma-kun?” Squish.
“I am. Also, get off! You need to be more in tune with your child’s suffering!”
He was far too old for such prolonged contact.
“So this whole chase was a trap. If we’d kept following, it would’ve led us right into an ambush—the rest of the goblins would have attacked from all sides.”
The goblin disguised as a child was bait. It was currently looking for something. Searching for its prey—Masato’s party.
It was this goblin’s job to lead the others into the ambush, but it couldn’t do that now.
Keeping a close eye on the direction it was looking, the party quietly discussed their plan of action.
“Now, since Mom’s caught up with the rest of us, what next? We could elect to jump into the ambush and just clean up all the goblins as they attack. After all, we’ve got…”
“Me, the ultimate Sage!” Wise boasted, grinning.
“Uh, sure, your magic is great. But…”
Their main DPS was definitely Mamako.
Her firepower was beyond all doubt. With Mamako on their side, victory was assured.
“Don’t worry. We can do this. Mom and I can handle anything.”
“Hey! Wait! What about me?!”
“…Yes,” Mamako said. “A mother and child working together can accomplish anything! Are you okay with that, Porta?”
“I am! I’ll follow you anywhere!”
“What about me?!”
“Yeah, yeah, Wise, we can count on you, too,” said Masato. “So…shall we?”
Everyone nodded.
They knew full well it was a trap. So there was no need to play things by the enemy script.
Having figured out their plan, Masato’s party crept stealthily forward, hiding behind the trees, slowly following the bait goblin.
Good, good, it hasn’t noticed… Just follow the plan…
Their plan was simple. Wait until the bait goblin gave up and went home, then follow it and attack once it met up with the rest of the horde.
If they could keep it from noticing them, and it led them to the other goblins, they were certain to win…
……Hmm. It stopped.
The goblin in front of them had come to a halt. Masato quietly raised a hand, signaling the others to stop.
The bait goblin looked around, letting out a shrill cry.
Next, goblin after goblin began pouring out of the underbrush. Ten in all. Each much larger than the bait one.
Witnessing this, Mamako’s whispering grew tense.
“Ma-kun, these ones are as big as grown-up humans! I don’t think they’re 5-blins. They’re more like 7-blins…maybe even 8-blins!”
“The ‘go’ in goblin isn’t the same as the number five in Japanese, Mom.”
Mamako knew little about fantasy settings, and even basic terms could easily get transformed into awful puns.
Masato recovered, carefully observing their enemy.
All the new goblins were armed. Some had swords, some bows, some even had magic tomes. It wasn’t clear how skilled they were, but these were clearly goblins specialized in their respective jobs.
And their equipment was clearly every bit as good as what human adventurers carried. They had full kits of top-tier stuff.
“These are definitely the goblins that steal equipment…which makes them tough.”
If they were able to attack adventures to steal their gear, they must be strong enough to win in a fight.
If they treated them like your average trash mobs, they could well have the tables turned on them. It was important to be careful.
So of course…
“Then let’s take them out! Hyah! Hyah! Yaaay!”
“What the—? Wait, Mom?! Don’t—!”
With no warning whatsoever, Mamako charged out of the underbrush, brandishing her swords.
“Giigiiii!”
The first goblin to spot her let out a shriek.
Instantly, a huge swarm of heavily armed goblins poured out of the underbrush. There were more than thirty of them. Mamako was completely surrounded.
“O-oh my…”
“Gah… Damn, they got us! It was a double ambush!”
“Wh-wh-wh-what do we do now?! Mama’s surrounded by goblins!”
“These guys are slick! But they’re still just goblins. My magic can take care of them!”
The first to strike would win. Wise pulled out her tome and got ready to fight.
But before Wise could start her chant, a group of goblins in matching robes came leaping out.
First attack: goblin mage squad.
…Grind-grind-grind-grind-grind-grind-grind…
The goblin mages began grinding their teeth together. A sickening sound that produced sound waves, affecting all who heard it.
Masato was unaffected. Mamako was unaffected. Porta was unaffected.
Wise’s magic was sealed.
“…Heh. Really slick.”
Wise retreated behind the others. Once she was a safe distance back, she threw her tome at the ground as hard as she could, then flopped down, using it as a pillow for a sulk nap.
What was a mage with her magic sealed? That’s right! Baggage.
“Sheesh, you’re completely useless… Although, I guess we should be used to it by now!”
This was who Wise was.
“Then the two of us will have to do it all! Come on, Mom! You and me together… Or hey, you could even let me steal the limelight for—!”
“Leave it to Mommy!” Tup-tup-tup-tup-tnk!
“And Mom leaves me behind and runs out ahead again!”
Mamako charged in. Was the battle already over?
But no—next came the goblin mage squad’s second attack!
“Yagyu!” “Zurunara!” “Gouiu!” “Gaini!” “Jajanze!”
Unfamiliar chants echoed in all directions.
Masato was unaffected. Wise was unaffected. Porta was unaffected.
Mamako’s clothing began to fall off.
“Huh? …Whaaat?! My armor’s coming off on its own! Why?!”
The goblin mages had used a spell that lowered the target’s defense. Which meant…
The elbow guard on Mamako’s arm slid off and twirled through the air. The waist guard around her hips came undone, flying away and landing on the ground nearby.
The goblins dashed forward, aiming for Mamako’s dropped equipment. Specifically, goblin bandits—of course they were after her armor.
“Crap! Mom’s armor!”
“Don’t worry! Leave it to me! Item management is my job!”
And with that, Porta ran forward, collecting each piece of Mamako’s armor before the goblins could get to it. Like a squirrel gathering nuts.
And thanks to Porta’s adorable squirrel dash, the worst outcome was averted.
Now they just had to defeat their targets.
“All right! Now it’s finally my turn! Thanks to me, the day is sav—”
“Um, Ma-kun? Do you have a minute?”
“What, Mom?! My big moment’s coming up here! Make it snappy!”
“Okay, snappy… Well, um, they’ve captured me.”
“…Hurrr?”
Even he wasn’t sure what that noise was supposed to be. Masato turned around.
He found Mamako bound hand and foot, being hauled away by several goblins.
Uh…
“The hell?! They weren’t after the equipment but its contents?!”
“Ohhhh noooo! Mama!!”
“Hey, what’s going on here?!”
With Mamako in tow, the goblins sped off to the forest depths. The rest of the party hastily gave chase.
When goblins wanted to, they could move pretty fast. Masasto and crew lost sight of them almost immediately.
But they couldn’t just give up. They kept running, hoping they were going in the right direction.
Eventually, they saw a wooden arch ahead—like a gate.
“…What’s that?”
They passed through the gate and found…more forest. But each of the massive trees had been hollowed out, and dry grass was placed inside, forming beds.
The stream flowing past had a simple bridge crossing it, and there were buckets on the bank for scooping water. Primitive but clear signs of civilization.
“Is this…the goblin settlement?”
“Seems like it. Seriously, a settlement? For goblins? The nerve!”
“Er, um! We really need to find Mama!”
“Yeah, you’re right, Porta. If the goblins live here, then Mom must be… Uh, what’s that?”
Masato had found a large building at the back of the settlement.
As they drew closer, it was clearly more of a fort than a house. Walls and ceiling made of logs—pretty sturdy construction.
There was a fence made of logs across the gate, like they were ready for a fight.
But there were no guards anywhere.
“This place…seems like there should be a boss waiting for us, but I’m not even seeing any minions…”
“Maybe they’re all hiding again! I’m worried they are!”
“Yeah, I agree with Porta. This smells like an ambush.”
“Definitely. Which brings me to my point…”
“Mm? What?”
“If this is a trap, we don’t, like, need to rush into it, do we?”
Wise stopped and looked at him.
“Think about it. Mamako may have lost her armor, but she still has her weapons, right? So she can totally handle this on her own. I mean, it’s Mamako.”
“Oh…true. Mom’s ridiculous. My job might be Hero, but she’s way stronger than me. Even saying that makes me want to cry, but…”
“That’ll make me start crying, too. Pfft.”
“Hey, that sounds more like a laugh! …Anyway, I feel like this’ll sort itself out if we just wait a bit. But still, we should at least try to save her. She is my mom.”
“Yeah, she sure is.”
“And I feel like kids oughta look after their parents sometimes.”
Masato gritted his teeth and turned to face the others.
“I know this is reckless, but please. I need your help.”
“Okay! I’ll do whatever I can!”
“You got it! Now let’s go! …Also, like, thinking about it? Goblins hauling a woman back to their home never ends well. You know what I mean, right?”
“Yo, don’t put ideas in my head!”
This isn’t that kind of game! At all!
Telling himself that, Masato turned to rush into the gate. But then—
“…Oh, not there…! Don’t touch that… Ah! Leave that alone!”
—he heard a voice from inside.
A voice he would know anywhere.
“That was Mom’s voice!”
“Yes! Definitely Mama! …She sounded a little sad…”
“Are we too late?!”
“Hell no, we aren’t! Argh… Mom?!”
If they ran in, would his mom be…? No! It couldn’t be! That wasn’t happening! No way!
Masato vaulted over the fence and kicked in the door to the fort.
“Mom! Are you okay?!”
He burst inside. It was a single large room, no interior walls at all.
Mamako was surrounded by goblins.
“Oh, Ma-kun! You came!”
She had an apron over her dress and was behind a counter, slicing vegetables with Terra di Madre.
Next to her was a large cauldron, bubbling away. She was watering the soup down a little with a stream from Altura.
“Uh… This is… What is this, exactly? What are you using those holy swords for?”
“What else? I’m cooking!”
“Gyawawa!” “Gyaauuu!” “Gyuwawa?”
“Oh, now, now! I said don’t! Like I told you, once they’re done, they’ll float to the top, so leave them be. Leave that meat alone! It cooks fast, so that’s the last step.”
“Er… So that’s what you were talking about just now…?”
“Perfect timing, Ma-kun. Would you taste test this?”
She held out a small dish with a spoonful of the soup in it. Might as well try it.
“…Uh, sure, I guess.”
That was the only reply he could muster.
In the clearing outside the fort, they piled stones to the right height and laid planks out on top of those.
The cauldron was in the center, perfectly stewed vegetables inside. Bowls were handed out, and lines formed.
The seating arrangement was a goblin, a goblin, goblin goblin goblin, Wise, Masato, Mamako, Porta, and another goblin goblin goblin.
“Okay, everyone! Hands together, and… Thanks for the food!”
“““Th-thanks for the food…”””
“Gyawawa!” “Gigii!” “Gyuwa!”
The goblin’s guttural cries sounded over lunch.
Terrifying visages tearing into the vegetable stew all around them, Masato quietly asked, “So…what’s going on?”
“Well, I think it’s quite obvious. The food’s ready, so we’re all eating together!”
“That’s not… I mean, why is that even an option in the first place?”
“About that… This here is the Boss Blin.”
Mamako made an introductory hand wave in the direction of a giant goblin sitting (yet, still looming) directly behind them. Built like a pro wrestler, this was less a 5-blin than an 11-blin, maybe even a 12-blin. Which were still goblins.
As for what the boss goblin had to say:
“Gugyagyagyaa! Gugya! Gugaaa!”
“You see?”
“Uh, no, that made no sense. Can you understand him?”
“I get the general idea.”
“You seriously baffle me sometimes, Mom…”
“Pfft, I bet it’s just some sort of mom support skill. Hardly a surprise at this point.”
“Yes! I’m positive that Mama can do literally anything!”
Mothers in this game had been supplied with a seemingly infinite stream of support effects. Wise and Porta were probably right on the money. Moving right along…
“Then let Mommy explain. You see, the Blins don’t know how to cook properly, so they asked Mommy to teach them how.”
“But…all the food here was stolen from the merchants’ wagons. I dunno if we should be cooking and eating that…”
“That is true… But they all seemed hungry, so I felt sorry for them.”
“Is that all it takes?”
“And we talked it out! They promised not to do anything else bad.”
“Er…no, no, it can’t be that easy.”
The goblins here were all designed to be enemies inside a game.
Their entire purpose was to do bad things! They’d been programmed that way! Mamako’s lecture couldn’t fix that!
But when he looked around at the goblins, they were all nodding. Mamako was right. They were good now. They all looked very sincere.
“Uh… I think my mom’s managed to make a system-side change… purely through the power of her momdom.”
“Mom support skills, get over it.”
“Mama can do anything! I’m sure of it!”
“Sigh… Yeah, I guess it’s high time I got used to it. Then I guess Mom reconfigured them all into good goblins.”
Just one problem.
“But just because we’re cool with that doesn’t mean the merchants they preyed on will be. What should we do about that?”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure it’ll work out. After all—they’re merchants.”
Mamako seemed very confident.
The next day, at dawn, as the sky to the east was beginning to brighten…
A large number of wagons were gathered along the road through the forest, each operated by a merchant who’d been the victim of goblin attacks. Many of the wagons still bore the marks of battle.
The merchants themselves still remembered the attacks vividly. They all looked less than pleased to be here.
And the goblin pack stood before them, the boss goblin at the head. They all bowed in unison.
““““Gugyagyagya!””””
Of course, the merchants had no idea what they’d said, so they just frowned.
Interpretation was clearly required. Mamako stepped up beside the goblins, explaining.
“They all said they’re very sorry. Will you please accept their apology? Consider it a favor for me.”
“Uh, well… I did sort of get that it was an apology, but…”
“But that doesn’t erase what they’ve done!”
“If you can talk to them, let’s talk about recouping our losses! If they wanna do business, money talks.”
“I’m aware of that. Which is why…”
Mamako glanced at the goblins.
The goblins nodded and brought a number of wooden boxes forward from the forest, lining them up in front of the merchants.
Cautiously, the merchants held their lanterns out, illuminating the insides.
“Wh-whoa! This box is filled with matsutake mushrooms!”
“This one has white truffles!”
“And this one has saffron! So much saffron!”
Just as a ballpark figure:
It varies by size, but a single matsutake averages about ten thousand yen. One of the three rarest mushrooms in the world, white truffles can haul fifty thousand per one hundred grams. And saffron, a popular spice, can be worth eighty thousand yen for that same amount.
The value within the game was the same as within Japan.
Mamako gave the stunned merchants a gentle smile.
“They gathered all these within the forest and are offering them to you by way of apology… With this much, you should be out of the red, right?”
“Well, of course! Not only does it wipe the slate clean, we stand to make a fortune!” one merchant said—shiftily.
“You there! Don’t sneak them in your pocket! We’re splitting them in proportion to our losses!”
“If this is their apology, then consider it accepted! The goblins and I are even! …By the way, little lady, a word?”
“Yes?”
“Is it possible to arrange for regular trades between the products we carry and the treasures gathered within this forest? We’d love to set up an arrangement like that.”
“Of course it is! But with one condition.”
“Condition?”
“The goblins would like to continue living in the forest. They promise not to do anything else bad. I know they’re monsters, but if we could arrange it so they aren’t exterminated… What do you say?”
The merchants thought about this.
“Hmm… We’d be leaving monsters running wild… But wait. If there are goblins living here, then it’s less likely that humans will enter the forest and steal all the treasures within…”
Sensing profits, the merchants rubbed their hands together.
“It’s a deal! We’ll accept their condition. On our pride as merchants, we’ll protect this arrangement with our lives.”
“Thank you. It’s such a help.”
“If we could just get this contract signed…”
“Hey! No cutting the rest of us out!”
“We all want in on this! Here! My contract!”
The merchants all produced documents, flocking around Mamako. It was quite the to-do.
Meanwhile, the rest of the party was watching, bemused.
“…I guess that worked out?”
“Nice work, Mamako! You’ve earned my respect.”
“Mama’s amazing! Amaaaazing!”
“Indeed, she is.”
“Wait, that was one too many responses…”
Standing next to Masato, Wise, and Porta was the mysterious nun, Shiraaase.
A basket full of the forest’s bounty beneath each arm, she appeared pleased with the quest’s completion.
“This was certainly not the outcome I expected, but…I am impressed. Mamako does it again! I hope she’ll continue helping us resolve any issues we’ve been unable to take care of.”
“No, wait… That’s not the main goal here!”
“Oh, I nearly forgot. Of course, you and your mother should enjoy your adventures together, first and foremost. This is the reward for quest completion. Enjoy them together!”
“Ah, thanks… You just totally gathered these on the spot, huh? And the other one’s for personal use?”
Masato accepted a basket full of matsutake and truffles. He knew these were valuable, but it wasn’t exactly a thrilling reward.
Either way, the quest was complete.
“Sheesh… Adventuring with my mom? It’s more like I’m being dragged around in her wake.”
But Masato was starting to feel like that wasn’t so bad.
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