Chapter 2 Do You Love Your Mom-Turned-Homeroom Teacher?
Please let us know your opinions on combat difficulty.
I received wonderful weapons at the start, so I’ve had no trouble. The children say they want to fight tougher foes, but I think things are perfect the way they are now.
Please let us know your opinions on skills and magic.
I’d like to learn more skills that will delight the children.
If there are any skills or magic you’d like us to add, please list them here.
Loving Family Jump: a skill to jump very high with your child
Loving Family Dash: a skill to run very fast with your child in a three-legged race
Loving Family Stroll: a skill to take a walk and talk with your child
Loving Family Cooking: a skill to cook and eat with your child
Loving Family Cleaning: a skill to clean with your child and then relax in the clean room together
Loving Family Sing-Along: a skill to stand next to your child and sing together
Loving Family Loving: a skill to get along perfectly with your child
You can never have too many ultimate family-oriented moves, in my opinion!
Please let us know your opinions on the design of the fields and dungeons.
No matter where we go, we can find restrooms tucked away somewhere, which is such a relief on any adventure. If there were also shower rooms and kitchens, I’m sure our adventures would be even more comfortable.
Please let us know your opinions on quests.
The children like to shorten quests to q’s. The more they say q’s, the more I want to tell them to mind their p’s and q’s.
Part of me thinks saying that would be funny, but perhaps I’d better quit while I’m ahead.
Please let us know your opinions on NPCs.
We’ve met NPC students who weren’t even complete—they didn’t have names, and their faces were just made of symbols!
I suppose these things happen, but it was very sad, so I hope you will be able to finish everyone soon.
Midday. In the shade of a few trees in the center of a vast field, the party was relaxing, the remains of their lunch spread out around them.
The girls had been chattering away, but eventually they’d all drifted off to sleep. “…So heavy… Unghhh…” The one dressed in red was making odd noises, possibly because the other two were using her as a pillow. But they were sleeping more or less peacefully.
“A nap, huh? Right! I can play that game, too.”
Feeling weirdly competitive, Masato was just about to join the napping girls, when…
“You’re sleepy, too, Ma-kun? Then… Here, go ahead! Right over here!”
…Mamako’s lap swiftly appeared where he was trying to lay his head, so Masato was forced to grunt, apply the full force of his abs, and reverse momentum back into a sit-up. No adolescent boy was capable of napping on his mother’s lap.
“Oh, hey! I’m not feeling sleepy at all! I’m actually wide awake!”
“Ma-kun, you’re so silly! Go right ahead! Any time you want to, Mommy is right here.”
She seemed disinclined to give him any space today.
Mamako had her pop-up window screen open and was tapping away with one finger, typing something. Seemed like she was still working on that survey from this morning.
Masato glanced over her answers, and his brows slammed together. What she’d written was horrific.
“Every one of those ultimate co-op moves is a huge no from me! Especially Loving Family Loving, the purpose of which entirely escapes me. Please don’t suggest that!”
“Hee-hee! Loving Family Loving is for a Loving Family aiming to be more Loving to get even more Loving by Lovingly increasing their Loving Family nature! When I put it like that, it just writes itself!”
“Yeah, maybe if the most annoying person ever is writing it.”
Perhaps that was just a mom thing—or at least a Mamako thing. The fact that she really thought like this was what made it so terrifying.
“I’d object to the quest answer, too, but…more importantly, these NPC students you mentioned are from that school, right?”
“Yes, they are. You remembered!”
“Well, yeah. We weren’t there long, but we were technically classmates…”
“Mommy was there, too! Teaching, learning—it was so educational!”
“And I’m extremely worried that they’re consequently screwed for life.”
Remembering their time at the Gioco Accademia School for Adventurers always gave Masato a headache.
They’d had a female instructor.
Long beautiful legs emerging from a tight skirt.
A bountiful bosom that swayed as she walked, seemingly about to pop the buttons on her blouse, yet her gait was so light it was like she didn’t even care.
As she stepped into the classroom, she pushed her fake glasses up the bridge of her nose and called out in a syrupy voice…
“Morning, everyone! We’re going to learn so much today!”
““““Yay! Looking forward to it! Thank you!!””””
Yessss! Here we go! A young, beautiful female teacher! Hooray! A round of applause from every student. This female teacher’s name? Mamako Oosuki.
Actual mother to Masato Oosuki, who was clutching his head and moaning aloud.
“Why…why is my mother teaching? How did this even happen?”
The answer was obvious.
According to Wise, the girl to Masato’s right—a smug-looking high school Sage with curly pigtails wearing a crimson sorcerer’s jacket: “Why? Obviously, because the real teacher, Mr. Burly, is out sick, duh.”
This was true.
According to Medhi, the girl to Masato’s left—a Cleric with grades as good as her looks, a healer tunic as pure white as her insides weren’t, and your classic angelic smile: “He ate too much at our farewell party. Mr. Burly couldn’t stop eating Mamako’s cooking.”
This was also true.
According to Porta, the girl behind Masato—a twelve-year-old Traveling Merchant overflowing with youth and sprightliness, clutching a large trademark shoulder bag, her eyes gleaming: “It wasn’t Mama’s fault, but she took responsibility and agreed to teach in his place! That’s why Mama’s the teacher! Professor Mama!”
True, again. And thus, the start of their next adventure had been postponed.
They were back at Gioco Accademia. And Mamako was teacher for a day.
“Argh… Nobody even warned me… I’m only here because they told me they’d give out free points to graduates…”
“We’re still getting those once class is over; just pay attention! She’s starting.”
While her student son was in the pits of despair, his mind on the brink of death, homeroom began.
Ms. Mamako stood at the podium, smiling sweetly.
“Then let’s take attendance! If I call your name, make sure to answer loud and clear! First…”
Ms. Mamako looked down at the attendance book, preparing to call a name.
“O-oh? There aren’t any names written here! What now…?”
“Ms. Mamako! We’re all rushed NPCs, so we weren’t given names!”
“So just call out our seat numbers!”
“O-oh my! Is that true? Then…”
The NPC students were wearing sailor uniforms or stiff-collared military-style jackets, but not only had they not been given names, their faces were slapped together with ASCII art. “Um, number one.” “Here!” “Number two.” “Heeere!” This went on a bit.
Eventually, she got around to…
“Okay, next… Masato!” Ms. Mamako called, looking rather grim.
But Masato was busy yawning. “How long is this gonna take?” he muttered.
“Masato, Masato!” “Geez, just answer!” What was he doing? Couldn’t he hear?
Then it finally hit him.
“O-oh? Masato? You mean me?”
“Yes, I do. Who else?”
“R-right… Yeah… You never call me by my name, Mom, so I didn’t realize…”
“Today I’m your teacher. It would be highly unprofessional to call a student by their nickname! Let’s try this again, shall we?”
In the classroom, they might have been mother and son, but they were also teacher and student. Ms. Mamako was taking this teacher-for-a-day thing seriously.
So Ms. Mamako tried to call his name again, but…
“Okay! Masa…Ma…Ma… Oh, I feel dizzy…” Swoon.
Ms. Mamako turned pale and crouched down. She looked quite ill.
“Whoa, Mom?!”
“I-I’m fine! I’m fine…”
“You don’t look fine! What’s wrong?!”
“Y-you see, Mo—your teacher has this little quirk.”
“A quirk?! Since when?! What sort of quirk?”
“Your teacher will die if she doesn’t call you Ma-kun!”
“Huh? Where’d that come from?”
Ms. Mamako’s quirk meant calling Masato anything other than Ma-kun was fatal!
Suffering from this cruel twist of fate, yet desperately trying to be a proper teacher, impressed Wise, Medhi, and Porta so much that they ran to her with tears in their eyes.
“Ms. Mamako! Hang in there! You’re pushing yourself too hard!”
“Trying to be the best teacher you can as long as you’re in the classroom is certainly admirable, but it’s not worth risking your life over! We don’t want to lose our teacher!”
“Just call Masato what you always do, Professor Mama! Don’t force it!”
Following their lead, the rest of the class began shouting “Ms. Mamako!” “Hang in there!” “Don’t die!” They gathered around Ms. Mamako, not a dry eye present.
“Wise, Medhi, Porta, class… You’re right. I shouldn’t force myself. Thank you for your concern.”
Wise helped her up, and Ms. Mamako gazed at each NPC student in turn.
Then she faced Masato and smiled.
“In which case… Ma-kun!”
Her health was instantly restored! Ms. Mamako was feeling great! Her students cried tears of joy! Thank goodness! The classroom teacher should be smiling! Hooray!
While that was going on…
One student was unable to join in: Masato.
“Uh… What is this two-bit Oscar-bait school drama? Should I be mocking you openly? Is that my role here?”
Mamako was a given, but for all the girls to take her side?
That left Masato all alone.
Masato was in for a very tough day.
Once attendance was complete, homeroom was over.
First period began immediately. Once again, the teacher at the podium was Ms. Mamako.
“Okay, let’s get started! First period is game basics. Let’s all apply ourselves!”
Ms. Mamako opened the textbook to begin her lecture…or so they thought.
Instead, she froze up, staring blankly at the page.
“O-oh my… Um…”
“Mm? What’s wrong, Mom—I mean…Ms. Mamako?”
“N-no, no… It’s nothing. I’m fine. Momm—I mean, your teacher is fine. Er… Account creation… First obtain a game ID… ID? What’s an ID…? Is it a new disc type like a CD or an MD?”
Presumably, Ms. Mamako was looking at information about how to start playing an online game.
But she seemed to understand almost none of it. She was stumbling over the most basic jargon.
Of course she is. Mom doesn’t know anything about online games.
Ms. Mamako was originally a housewife. This was definitely not her field.
But if the textbook didn’t make any sense to her…
“Um… A-anyway, this is about how to start playing games. In which case… I know!”
Ms. Mamako abruptly closed the textbook and turned to the class.
“Let me ask you all a question,” she said. “Have any of you ever played a game with your mothers? Everyone who has, raise your hand!”
No one was sure where she was going with this, but a few students raised their hands.
“Uh, well, I have. Like, I am right now…”
“Yeah, technically, my mom and I are playing this together, so I qualify.”
“As do I. So I’ll raise my hand…What about you, Porta?”
“M-me? Uh, um… I guess…technically…”
The students with their hands up were Masato, Wise, Medhi, and (not very high) Porta. None of the other students raised their hands.
Ms. Mamako nodded, as if she’d expected this.
“Yes, thank you. You can put your hands down now. I thought there might not be many… Very well. Let’s learn!”
Ms. Mamako turned around and wrote Gaming with Mommy on the board.
“Maybe some of you are thinking you could never game with your mother. But don’t worry! If you listen to your teacher carefully, I’ll make it so all of you can. First, Ma-kun.”
“What? I mean… Yes, Ms. Mamako?”
“Do you remember how the two of us started playing this game?”
“Well… Uh, I think it started when you applied for something without asking me…”
“Yes. In our case, that’s all it took! And we ended up inside this game together. But it’s also possible for children to file that application.”
“Oh? It is?”
He hadn’t known that. Masato was actually learning things!
…Wait.
“…Mm? Something’s not adding up…”
“But be careful when you’re applying. I’m sure your mother wants to play with you, but she had to look after the house, and if she’s busy, it’s best to consult her first…”
“Uh, hold on, Ms. Mamako. I seem to recall you not consulting your son beforehand. Like, at all.”
“Oh! R-right! I’m very sorry about that! I was so excited about getting closer to you it never even occurred to me! I can’t apologize enough.”
“Uh, sure. Apology accepted. But moving on… That’s not my point.”
“Oh? What is?”
“What you’re explaining is how to start playing the game we’re all inside, MMMMMORPG (working title).”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“But uh… Is that really useful information for characters that are already in the game?”
He glanced at the other students. His party was composed of test players, and they were following along just fine, but the rest of the class looked confused. Like they had no idea what Ms. Mamako was talking about.
After all, every one of these students was an NPC built for the game.
Explaining how to get from the real world to the game world was not at all useful or even comprehensible.
“Oh my! I’m sorry; that was careless of me.”
“Uh, well, no big deal. I learned something anyway.”
“Then we’d better change course… Um… Oh, I know! I have the perfect thing!”
With a flourish and a big smile, Ms. Mamako produced a booklet. The title:
MOM ADVENTURE DRILLS
On the cover was a cartoonish drawing of Ms. Mamako’s face.
“…Uh, Ms. Mamako? What is that?”
“Classroom materials! Ms. Shiraaase prepared these for me in her capacity as the school’s acting headmaster.”
“Shiraaase made it… That alone fills me with dread…”
“Let’s solve these problems together!”
Ms. Mamako handed out a copy of the booklet to every student. “First… Let’s go with this one.”
She wrote a problem on the board.
[ ] attacks. The monster horde is defeated.
And now, the question.
“What word goes in the blank space? Raise your hand if you know!”
Masato really didn’t want to, but since he was technically in school, he gave it some thought.
This is clearly combat…so the key here is the monster “horde.”
The blank must be the name of a job. One good at AOE and multi-target attacks.
But then…
“Ms. Mamako, allow me to answer,” said Medhi, the beautiful straight A student.
“Yes, Medhi. What’s your answer?”
“I believe the blank is best filled with Mom.”
[Mom attacks. The monster horde is defeated.]
That was certainly the default state for Masato’s party. Clearly.
“Yes! That’s right. Well done, Medhi. A wonderful answer. You’re so clever!”
“No, not at all. This is simply the result of my mother’s upbringing. She may have gone a little overboard at times, but… Rrgh…”
Bad memories came flooding back, and Medhi started quietly kicking the leg of her desk. But she was correct.
The other students were very impressed.
“Ohhh… The answer is Mom!”
“Mom beats all the monsters.”
“Moms are amazing! I had no idea.”
“Yo, classmates! That only applies to my mom. It’s not typical or anything! Just wanted to be clear.”
False information would hardly help anyone, so he tried to clarify… But were any classmates listening?
Moving right along.
“Next problem… Yes, I think this one will do!”
Ms. Mamako checked her booklet and wrote on the board.
The hero held [ ] aloft. A blinding light shone forth. The veil of darkness shrouding the demon lord was torn away.
The next problem.
“Anyone know? If you—”
“I know! I know! Pick me! This one’s sooo easy!”
Wise was going full-tilt boogie with the hand raising.
“The answer is Mom, right? Right?!”
[The hero held Mom aloft. A blinding light shone forth. The veil of darkness shrouding the demon lord was torn away.]
Yeah…
“Uh, Wise, that doesn’t even make—”
“Yes! You’re correct, Wise.”
“Hell yeah! The Ultimate Sage rules again!”
Wise was, apparently, correct.
But how?!
“Huh? She’s right? No, no, wait, Mo—Ms. Mamako! That can’t be right! Please tell me it isn’t!”
“No, she’s correct! I mean, moms do glow! See?” Glowww!
Ms. Mamako activated A Mother’s Light! A blinding light shone from Ms. Mamako’s body!
Bathed in this warm, soft light, the students were very impressed.
“Wow! Moms really do glow!”
“Amazing! I never knew moms could glow!”
“Hey, hey, wait, wait! That’s not true! They don’t usually glow! My mom’s just weird like that!”
“Oh, and Masato, you’re a Hero! So you held Mamako aloft to fight a demon lord? You’re amazing…!”
“Of course I didn’t! Don’t be ridiculous! Use your head! That would never happen!”
Masato’s desperate denials were no match for the evidence of a glowing Mamako.
Moving right along:
“Next! Oh, this one’s a little tricky.”
Ms. Mamako wrote the problem on the board.
Kindly villager: Don’t forget your [ ]! Pick the equip option!
What now?
“This is a line of dialogue a villager says. A piece of advice for adventurers, I suppose? If anyone—”
“Yep.”
Masato raised his hand. He knew where this was going.
“Yes, Ma-kun? What’s the answer?”
“The answer is new gear. Obviously.”
The kindly villager was reminding adventurers, “Don’t forget your new gear! Pick the equip option!”
Standard RPG stuff. Advice new players needed. There was nearly always an NPC in the first village who reminded people of this.
Anyone who’d ever played an RPG would know that…
“Oh no. Ma-kun, that’s incorrect!”
Ms. Mamako looked very disappointed.
Wait, what?
“Huh? Mo—Ms. Mamako, how is that wrong? It’s clearly the right answer!”
“I’m sorry, Ma-kun. I’d love to say you’re right, but the drill book has a different answer.”
“A different… Oh, Shiraaase wrote that drill book, right? That makes it all suspect.”
“I’m really sorry. Does anyone else know?”
“Yes! I might know!” Porta bounced up in her seat, hand up.
Masato wasn’t about to ruin her chance to answer. He put his frustration aside and listened.
“Yes, Porta? What’s your answer?”
“Um, um… The answer is mom!”
[The kindly villager said, “Don’t forget your mom! Pick the equip option.”]
Wait, that doesn’t even…
“Amazing! Porta, you’re right!”
“Oh! I did it! I’m so glad!”
“Wow! Porta, good j— No, waaaaaait! Porta? Portaaa?! This isn’t like you! You don’t usually play along with this kind of dumb joke!”
“Wow! You can equip your mom?”
“I never knew! I wonder what it’s like!”
“Moms can defeat monster hordes, glow, and be equipped! Moms are amazing!”
“Classmaaaaates! You’re learning lies! None of this is true! Please, come to your senses!”
“Okay, next problem!”
“You can’t just breeze past thiiiis!”
Masato was on the verge of an aneurysm, but it was time to move on.
[ ] Adventure Drills are on sale at a bookstore near you!
What could go in that blank?
“We get the joke alreadyyyyyyy! The answer’s always gonna be mom, and this drill book will never be on sale anywhere!”
“I think it is, actually! Ms. Shiraaase said there were already over a million copies in print!”
“A m-m-million?! A million copies of these drills?! Has the entire country gone mad?!”
[Mom Adventure Drills are on sale at a bookstore near you!]
At every bookstore inside the game world, at least.
Second period—gym class.
The students had all changed into gym uniforms and gathered on the field, Masato’s party among them. Each had large tags with their names on their chests.
“When did they make these?”
“Apparently, Mamako made them all this morning. Handmade gym uniforms!” Medhi gestured to the name tag on her chest. It was being propped up significantly by her prodigious… Nope, focus on the name tag. Just the name tag.
“She must have had her hands full making breakfast, but she still did all this? That’s amazing!”
Porta was wearing a very cute name tag. She was jumping up and down excitedly, and the bottom of her shirt kept lifting up, revealing her belly button. But he was looking at her name tag.
“Well, Mamako is the super-mom. Ha-ha!” Wise laughed as if this were her accomplishment, puffing up her name tag.
Or rather, puffing up her chest? No, no, she didn’t have one of those.
But Masato quietly filed the other images away in his mental diary.
“…So? Why isn’t the super-one here?”
Masato looked around, but there was no sign of her. The bell had already rang. Class should have started…
Then:
“Sorry, everyone! I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
Ms. Mamako came running toward them.
Her ponytail trailed in the wind, her generous bosom bouncing all around inside her tracksuit.
Gym teacher version Ms. Mamako appeared!
Already sweaty.
“Hah, hah… S-sorry, everyone! I accidentally went to the gym instead… Hah, hah… Ma-kun, everyone, I’m so sorry!”
“Uh, yeah, sure, no big deal. You’re really sweaty there, Mom.”
“I was in such a hurry… Whew. Maybe I’d better take this jacket off!”
“Go ahead. Suit yourself.”
“Okay…”
Ms. Mamako lowered the zipper on her tracksuit jacket and started to peel it off.
The gym shirt under it was soaked in sweat and translucent.
You could clearly see the elegantly embroidered, brightly colored bra beneath. “Put that back on! Now!” “Huh? O-okay!” Her son was not about to let that slide.
Now, then. Students and teacher, all present.
“Well, let’s get class started. Let’s all exercise together!”
““““Yes, Ms. Mamako!””””
“…Sigh… I hope this doesn’t get too weird…”
Masato was anxious, but everyone else seemed excited.
Today was track and field.
“First, sprinting! Everyone, try your best!”
Following Ms. Mamako’s instructions, the students gathered at the start of the hundred-meter lane. Running four at a time, by order of seat number.
Ms. Mamako was the starter.
“On your mark! Get set… Mom it!”
““““Yeahhhhhh!””””
The runners were off! Full-speed dash!
And a moment later, they’d run the full hundred meters and crossed the finish line!
“Oh my! You’re all so good! So fast! Right, Ma-kun?”
“Uh, sure… They’re pretty fast… But about that start signal…”
“Next set of four! On your mark! Get set… Mom it!”
““““Rarghhhhhhhhhhhh!””””
The next set of students went into their dash, ignoring Masato’s quiet protest. In a moment, they were past the finish line! “Why are they so serious about this…?” He had no clue, but…they sure were fast!
And next up was his party.
First lane: Masato.
“Sigh… I so don’t wanna…”
Second lane: Wise.
“Ha! I may be a Mage, but that doesn’t mean I’m not athletic!”
Third lane: Medhi.
“I would say I’m rather good at this. At the very least, I’m sure I can beat Wise.”
Fourth lane: Porta.
“I’ll try my best!”
All four at the starting line, crouching, ready for the moment.
Time for battle. The signal from Ms. Mamako!
“Get set… Mom it!”
And they were off! “Ha!” Medhi’s form was perfect. “Argh!” “Whoa!” Wise and Porta were still in it, running as fast as they could!
Meanwhile…
“Sigh… To hell with this…”
Masato was slowly jogging behind them.
“Oh, I forgot to mention! Whoever comes in last gets special private training with your teacher after school!”
“To hell with THAAAAT!”
Masato went into a headlong dash! Fleeing that nightmare, escaping his certain doom!
Masato ran! “Whoaaa!” He passed Porta. “Hey!” Passed Wise. “No!” Drew even with Medhi and then pushed ahead.
Masato placed first!
“Hell yeah!”
Nothing made him go faster than the threat of extra lessons. He dominated.
Medhi was second, Wise was third.
“Second… My mother would be furious…” Medhi hung her head.
“Hey, Medhi! No getting depressed here! Your mother’s learned to forgive this stuff, remember?!”
Medhi’s dark power was starting to leak out.
More importantly…
“Aw… I came in last…”
Shame. Porta was fourth. The moment she reached the goal, she looked so sad.
This would never do. The other party members flocked around her.
“Er, uh… Cheer up, Porta! There’s always next time!”
“Th-that’s right! You’re still only twelve!”
“And we’re all in high school! So you can’t let this get to you, okay?”
“That’s right,” Ms. Mamako said, racing over. “It doesn’t matter what place you’re in. All that matters is that you try your best.”
“Yes!” Porta chirped, breaking into a smile. “I ran as fast as I could! So I’m just fine!”
A full recovery. Whew.
But at this point, Ms. Mamako turned and said, “Now it’s my turn to try!”
“Uh, what? Ms. Mamako, you’re gonna run? …Can you even do that?”
“Of course I can! I know how to run! I might even beat you, Ma-kun!”
“Huh…”
Was that really possible?
It certainly roused his competitive spirit.
“Ha-ha-ha!” he said. “Interesting. You think you can beat me? Ohhh? Then let’s find out! Ms. Mamako against me! One-on-one!”
“Goodness! A race between mother and son? How lovely! Let’s do it!”
Masato was crackling with excitement, and Mamako was all smiles—like fireworks racing flowers!
Hasty preparations. Masato vs Ms. Mamako! Hundred-meter dash!
“Commentary provided by yours truly, Wise, and…”
“And me, Medhi… Not that there seems to be much to comment on.”
“Yeah, good point. Guess we’ll just cheer them on normally, then.”
Wise and Medhi sat down nearby, watching. So did the rest of the students.
Masato and Ms. Mamako stood at the starting line.
“Ms. Mamako, this is a serious contest. I’ll be giving it everything I’ve got, so don’t you show me any mercy.”
“Oh, of course! I’ll do the same…and I have a secret plan.”
“Oh, do you? Ha-ha. I have no idea what that could be, but go ahead! Try it. I’ll still win in the end.”
Promising to make this a fair fight, they crouched down.
Wise doubled as the starter, but just before she gave the signal…
…Mamako started whispering.
“Just imagine it… It’s early in the morning… Ma-kun left the house without eating breakfast…and he forgot his lunch. That’s right. I have to get it to him! I have to catch him and give Ma-kun his lunch!”
“Uh, wait…”
A terrifying aura was seeping out of Ms. Mamako.
On your mark.
“Here we go… Get set… Mom it!”
And they’re off!
The second the signal arrived, Ms. Mamako was off like a rocket!
“Ma-kun! Don’t forget your luuuuunch!”
“Wahhh! She’s talking crazy but also crazy fast?!”
Masato hastily broke into a sprint, but Ms. Mamako was already in the lead, running like the wind.
By the time Masato crossed the thirty-meter mark, Ms. Mamako was already at the goal!
“Here’s your lunch! Hee-hee! I did it!”
“Hoooooowwww?! There’s no way you’re that fast!”
Her time was 3.88—nothing official and only a mom record.
Masato rolled in for a belated finish, utterly demoralized. He collapsed to his knees in front of Ms. Mamako.
“Wh-what was that…? How was that even possible?”
“That was your teacher’s secret plan! I called it Operation: A Mother’s Feelings.”
“A Mother’s Feelings?”
“That’s right! Your teacher was running with A Mother’s Feelings of bringing her son a lunch. That’s why I was so fast.”
“Th-that’s ridiculous! There’s no way you can run that fast! I won’t accept this… As the last bastion of common sense around here, I refuse!”
He stomped the ground angrily.
The other students ignored him, surrounding Ms. Mamako.
“Ms. Mamako! You were amazing!”
“How do you run so fast? Can you give us some tips?”
“Hee-hee. Well, I used a secret technique.”
“A secret technique… And if we use that secret technique, can we run fast, too?”
“Of course!”
“No, they caaaan’t! Nobody caaaan! Arghhh… You leave me no choice! I’ll have to prove what truth is! All of you, go ahead! Use this secret technique if you like! I’ll take you on!”
That did it. Now it was Masato vs every misguided student NPC.
There was no way he was going to accept that anything as dumb as A Mother’s Feelings could raise athletic ability. Masato swore he would win. He took his place on the starting line.
The moment of truth. They were off!
First round:
“Go, everyone! A Mother’s Feelings! On your mark… Get set… Mom it!”
“Ridiculous! This can’t possibly make them—!”
“Today is burnable trash day! But the sanitation truck is already here! I have to get the garbage bag to the curb!” Whoosh!
The winner: seat number one.
Second round:
“Get set… Mom it!”
“Argh! Th-this can’t be happening! It can’t—!”
“Only five minutes before the flash sale at the supermarket ends! I have to hurry!” Whoooosh!
The victor: seat number two.
Third round:
“Mom it!”
“W-wait! Waaaait! This is all wrong!”
“Oh, my child’s cram school is letting out! There’s been a lot of crime lately! I’d better be there to meet them!” Whoooooooooooooooooosh!
In the lead: seat number three.
And so on and so forth…
The final results:
“Ms. Mamako, you’re amazing! We were all so much faster! Every student easily beat Masato!”
“Ms. Mamako was right! I’m so impressed.”
“I’ve never been athletic, but running this fast is amazing! I’m so glad you were our teacher today!”
“Professor Mama! I want to run some more! I want to have more fun doing sports!”
“Hee-hee. I’m so glad to hear it. Let’s keep this up and enjoy PE together!”
““““Yeah!””””
The crowd around Ms. Mamako cheered.
Meanwhile…
“Hahhh… Hahhh… Unacceptable… It’s just too dumb… I won’t stand for it…”
Utterly exhausted, Masato breathed his last, all alone.
(No, he’s not actually dead.)
“…Hahhh… Arghhh… I’m so done… No more… Do whatever you want… Just leave me out of it.”
“Sheesh, Masato. Quit sulking!”
“That’s right, Masato. You can’t just abandon your purpose in life.”
“What do you mean by that? I’m not just here to scream comedic protests, you know!”
“Masato! Hang in there! Keep screaming!”
“Ugh… Porta’s encouragement definitely makes me want to keep trying, but…but…”
No matter how hard he tried, Masato’s efforts would prove futile.
After all, the next period was…
“Okay, everyone! The moment you’ve been waiting for! Third and fourth periods are two whole hours of home economics! Hee-hee!”
That apron looked all too fitting on Ms. Mamako. Like she said, it was time to cook.
The home ec class had all manner of cooking utensils and experiment apparatuses.
Mamako and cooking—they went hand in hand.
Ms. Mamako was preparing to teach the subject she was best at, so naturally, people were excited. Amazing dishes would come out one after another to cheers, applause, and admiration.
The outcome was obvious.
“Sigh… There’s no point even trying to convince anyone…”
“Ms. Mamako is amazing!” was now a foregone conclusion.
So Masato collapsed on a desk, determined to just let it all happen.
“Let’s begin…is what I’d love to say,” Ms. Mamako began, looking very sorry. “But there’s just one problem. We don’t actually have any ingredients! So we can’t cook anything.”
“…Huh?”
Masato had not been expecting this, and that was enough to make him sit up.
No ingredients? Ms. Mamako was clearly right. There were tons of utensils but no actual food.
How could class happen now?
“Oh… Does that mean class is dismissed? It does, right? Please say it does.”
If Mamako’s class failed, the weird delusions everyone had about her would be shattered. The world would make sense once more.
Masato was already pumping his fist, but…
“So I think the first thing we should do today is go gather some ingredients!”
…Ms. Mamako had already defeated him. She seemed quite fired up about the whole thing.
“Gather them how? …Um, Ms. Mamako! A word?”
“Yes, Ma-kun? What is it?”
“You mean you want us going shopping, right? But is that a good idea? We can’t leave the school grounds during class, right? Right?”
Masato was being quite insistent. Even he knew how aggravating this sounded.
But that was fine. No ingredients meant no cooking and an end to his mother’s reign of perfection. If he could just block them from leaving the grounds…
But Ms. Mamako just smiled.
“That is true! As strange as he’s acting, Ma-kun has a point.”
“Strange? Okay, fair, I’d noticed that myself, but still!”
“But at a time like this, all we have to do is borrow a little mom power, and the problem goes away!”
“Huh? No, that wouldn’t—”
“Hee-hee. But it will! Let me show you. Everyone, please gather at the windows.”
The students did as they were told. Even Masato reluctantly joined, standing at the very edge of the crowd.
Ms. Mamako opened the window and asked the enthusiastic students, “Now then, question for everyone. Where do the ingredients we normally eat come from?”
“Where? From grocery stores.”
“That’s right. But where do the grocery stories get them?”
“I believe they get them from farmers and ranchers. Fishermen, too.”
“And where do the people in those occupations get their products?”
“Oh! Fields! Ranches! And the ocean!”
“That’s correct. So here’s the problem. Can we personify the land where fields and ranches lie? And the sea?”
The students all looked at one another. A realization dawned on them.
One of them (a certain son) let out the biggest possible sigh and tried to leave the room. But never mind him.
The others all cried out together.
““““The earth and the sea are both mothers!””””
“That’s right! Full marks! Now let me show you a mother’s power!”
Mamako held a sword in both hands.
In her right hand, the crimson Holy Sword of Mother Earth, Terra di Madre.
In her left hand, the deep-blue Holy Sword of Mother Ocean, Altura.
She pointed both swords out the window.
“Mother Earth, Mother Ocean… If you are mothers, you know how I feel. These children want to learn about cooking. And once they have, imagine them standing in the kitchen with their own mothers. Wouldn’t that be nice? If you know how that feels, lend me your power!”
Both mothers immediately answered her call.
A massive pillar of earth appeared in town, and a massive waterspout shot up from the sea.
The two columns toppled toward the school.
At the tips of each were a grocery store and a ship, respectively. They stopped just outside the classroom windows.
“Yikes?! Wh-wh-what’s going on?”
“H-how is this even possible?”
The grocery store owner and the fisherman were beside themselves.
But Mamako just smiled.
“Sorry for the sudden intrusion! We’re about to hold a home economics class, and we’re fresh out of ingredients.”
“Huh? Ingredients for class? Gee, what perfect timing! I don’t mean to foist my leftovers on you, but I’ve got plenty of ingredients I’m not likely to sell! Go ahead and use them!”
“I’ve got plenty to offer myself! I got a big haul today, too many fish to ever package for sale! If I don’t do something, they’ll start to rot, and that’s hardly fair to the sea! Go on, take them!”
The friendly owner and fisherman began handing supplies through the window—meat, veggies, fruit, fish, shellfish, and seaweed.
Also, an earthen tentacle had bound and gagged Masato—“Hngggg?! Mmmph!”—and deposited him next to the mountains of ingredients.
Supplies obtained!
“Oh my! So many! Such a help. I’d be happy to settle the tab later.”
“No charge! It’s all for educational purposes, right? Learn how to cook, kids. And if you want to know more about these ingredients, just tell people to come by my shop!”
“Same goes for me! Fishing’s the best job around! We’re always hiring! Come on by!”
Both seemed more interested in hiring than collecting payment. Sign of the times, perhaps.
The two pillars slowly retreated, taking the shop and boat back to where they belonged.
And…
“Th-this is the power of a mother! Amazing! Ms. Mamako’s amazing!”
“I had no idea mothers had such power. No idea!”
“Mother Earth and Mother Ocean… We’ve been living in harmony with such maternal power all this time… And our teacher is a mother like Ms. Mamako! My heart belongs to mothers everywhere!”
This overwhelming spectacle had left the students unable to think about anything but mothers! Mothers were the best! Hooray for Ms. Mamako!
And of course…
“All right, everyone! Let’s start the class! We’ll be making lunches. The menu is up to you! Choose any ingredients you like.”
““““Okay!””””
Time to cook. Ms. Mamako’s reign began, as predictable as it was unavoidable.
“Now, should I cook something, too?”
“I’m dying to watch you cook, Ms. Mamako!” said Wise.
“Yes, I believe we could learn a lot from observing her,” added Medhi.
“What ingredients will Professor Mama pick?!”
“Your teacher will pick… Well, of course! Hee-hee…”
“Hngg?! Hngggggg?! Mmmph!”
Feeling a syrupy gaze on him, the largest ingredient in the room began thrashing around.
The ingredient Ms. Mamako picked was a lively, fresh son.
Lunch break.
Having nearly been cooked himself, Masato was staring at the son she did cook.
“How am I supposed to eat a lunch made to look like my own face?”
His own face (far too real) staring back up at him, Masato let out the longest sigh yet.
Fifth period.
Normally, another subject was supposed to happen, but instead, it was even more home economics.
Which meant…
“Ms. Mamako! Teach us about moms!”
“We want to learn more about moms!”
“I feel like learning about moms will lead to answers…answers to the things we’ve been questioning all along!”
“Very well. Then I’ll teach you everything I know!”
Faced with this fervent desire, home economics class continued.
This time they were focused on another core mom skill: cleaning.
In the center of the classroom stood Ms. Mamako, broom in hand.
“First, let me show you the basics of Mom Cleaning. Watch carefully as I clean.”
Ms. Mamako began sweeping the floor, keeping a steady rhythm.
She appeared to just be cleaning normally.
The students gathered around watched intently, so as not to miss a thing. Taking this very seriously.
Masato watched from a distance, shaking his head.
“Come on! What could you possibly get out of this? I don’t get it.”
She’d shown them one too many of Mom’s AMAAAAAAAAAAZING moments, and they’d all lost their marbles. That explained it.
But if so, this situation was dire indeed.
I’d better do something before… Yeah, I will do something! I’m the hero!
It was his job to right the world’s wrongs. Feeling a strong sense of duty, Masato stepped up, ready to take action…
But then Wise came over.
“Oh, please. Masato, if you don’t get the point of Ms. Mamako’s cleaning, you’ve got a lot to learn. You’re an unfit mother.”
“I’m not even a mother in the first place! And sure, I’ve got plenty to learn, but…what meaning could cleaning possibly have? This is pointless.”
“No, it’s not. Just watch me, and you’ll understand. See?”
“I’m watching, and I don’t— Wha—?!”
In that moment, Masato witnessed something mind-blowing.
Wise had a broom in her hands and was sweeping the floor. The problem was how she was doing it.
Wise was sweeping diagonally downward to the left and then to the right—and then she’d repeat the motion. Almost as if she was drawing an M with the broom.
He looked at Ms. Mamako and saw she was sweeping the same way.
And…
“…Ah! Medhi, too!”
Medhi was spraying cleaning fluid on the windows—but the suds on the windowpanes were forming an M.
Also…
“Ahhh! Even Porta?!”
…Porta was wiping that fluid, and her hands were moving in an M shape!
And that’s not all! Students cleaning the blackboard under Ms. Mamako’s supervision, students wiping down the walls, students cleaning the desks—they all were tracing M shapes!
Finally…
“…What the—?! N-no… No! I’m doing it, too?!”
Masato found himself holding a broom, sweeping M shapes on the floor. Since when?!
As he gaped in horror, the girls whispered to him.
“Masato. Calm your heart and watch what’s happening.”
“M is for Mom—mothers are cleaning everything, making it beautiful.”
“Cleaning the room means cleaning your own heart!”
“Cleaning…my heart…”
Yes. Cleaning a room the mom way also cleaned out the heart of the one doing the cleaning.
Moms swept out the unnecessary hang-ups that had accumulated within.
That was what Mom Cleaning really meant: the overwhelming effect of cleaning like a mom.
The negative emotions festering within me… They’re all fading…
Every inch of his heart purified in the name of mothers everywhere.
Being cleaned by moms was so comforting. Refreshing.
Like the proverbial scales falling from his eyes. And not just an expression.
“I… What have I been doing? Why have I been against something so amazing?”
“Sheesh. Took you long enough to figure it out.”
“Yes. Even Masato understands now.”
“Great, Masato! Help us Mom Clean!”
“Yeah! I think I will! I’d love to Mom Clean!”
And with every heart polished mom-style, all accepted the truth about how wonderful moms were.
Mamako’s day as a teacher was over.
“I hate to leave, but we must head to our next adventure. Let’s go home.”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
Turning her back on the school, Mamako slowly walked away. The rest of the party shook off their lingering attachments and followed after.
Then…
“Ms. Mamako! Wait!”
Students came pouring out of the gates—Ms. Mamako’s students.
“Ms. Mamako! I wish you could be our teacher forever!”
“But we know you have to go. We understand! So we won’t stop you. We just want you to know how we feel!”
“We’re going to be fine! You taught us so many important things! You showed us the path forward!”
Their ASCII-art faces shedding tears, the students threw themselves bodily into their emotional outburst. Boys and girls alike, all said the same thing, as one:
““““Someday, I’ll be a wonderful mother just like Ms. Mamako!””””
Now that they knew how wonderful a mother could be, they all aspired to be one. Their paths in life were determined!
And they had words for their rival, too.
“Masato! Someday I’ll be a wonderful mother. When that happens, fight me again! We’ll see which of us is the better mother!”
“Damn straight! I’m the Mother Hero, and I won’t run from any fight! Come at me!”
“Wise! Medhi! We’ll fight you, too!”
“Ha! Works for me! My chain-mom skills will prove who’s the better mother!”
“I’ll never lose a battle of mom spells. I’ll kick you out of my way! Heh-heh-heh.”
“Porta! We’ll battle with our mom creation skills!”
“Yes! I’ll never lose a battle of mom creation!”
They vowed to meet again and test their skills once more.
But for today, they had to part.
With a beautiful smile, Mamako bid the students farewell.
“Be well, everyone! The next time we meet, we’ll all be moms!”
And she did not turn back again. There was no need.
The students’ tears would lead them to their futures.
As the party walked away…
“What the hell is going oooooooooon?! Stop this madnesssss!!”
…Masato regained his sanity, and his scream of horror echoed across the night sky.
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