Chapter 4 Just a Little Shopping, They Say, but It Never Actually Ends There with Moms.
Sudden mortal combat. A battle too intense for words.
As the battle began, Wise took the lead, charging in, ready to lay her life on the line.
“Leave this to me! I’ll show you the power of the ultimate Sage!”
Her starting dash gave her a good burst of speed, but…
“H-huh? …Heyyyyy! No, no, no! Augh!”
Wise was grabbed by her pigtails, spun around, and easily hurled away. Significant damage!
Their opponents outnumbered them, their bloodlust overwhelming, the power they produced beyond the pale!
One party member was already at death’s door. This called for a healer!
“Wise’s impotence and uselessness is nothing new. Such a shame…but leave the rest to me!”
Medhi managed her best angelic smile, cheerily left Wise crumbled in a heap, and charged in.
She forced her way into the horde, attempting to achieve results…
“Er…what? Um, um… Eeeeek?!”
…but there was no way through. She was grabbed by the nape of her neck and tossed away.
“Hello, old friend.” “Th-this is brutal…” Medhi rolled all the way over to Wise, where she lay on the floor, tears streaming down her face.
They were no match for these foes. It was time to call it quits.
“This is impossible! I vote we give up,” Masato declared.
“Masato, wait! I want to try, too! Here I go! Hyaaaah!”
“Ah! Portaaa?!”
Even Porta went for it!
Using her size to her advantage, she slipped through the horde, slowly pressing forward…
“Er, um? Wh-wh-whoaahhhhh-aaaahhh!”
Jostled by the crowd, Porta was spun around and around until she grew dizzy. “Porta! Grab my hand!” “Okaaay-ay-ay-ay-ay!” Masato barely managed to free her in time.
This was too fierce a challenge. They had no chance of victory.
“Like I said, impossible! We have no choice but to retreat!”
Masato tried to order his forces back…
…but even as he did…
“Ma-kun, don’t worry! Leave it to Mommy! …Here I go! Wheeee!”
Mamako had been waiting patiently at the rear, but now she let out an enthusiastic cry.
In her right hand, a crimson shopping basket.
In her left hand, a deep-blue shopping basket.
Dual-wielding shopping baskets, Mamako charged forward with a smile.
“Excuse me! Coming through! If you’ll just pardon me!”
She passed through the horde too fast for the eye to follow.
And reached out to grab…the sale item.
“Oh, isn’t this nice? I wouldn’t mind having one of these, too. And—oh! It’s so inexpensive! I’d definitely better buy this!”
Instantly evaluating her targets and non-targets alike, product after product shot into her baskets—shopping at blazing-fast speeds.
“Sigh… I knew this was gonna be all about Mom. It always is.”
Masato shook his head, looking at the flyer in his hand.
ANNUAL SPECIAL EVENT! THE SUPER-SUPER-SUPER-SALE!
This was the battle the party had joined.
“Invincible even in the throngs of a bargain sale. That’s Mamako for you.”
“She’s shopping at two times the volume, multi-targeting all areas of the sale. No one stands a chance of stopping her.”
“Mama’s amazing! She’s a super-mom!”
Having experienced the opposition firsthand, the girls could only watch Mamako, awestruck.
Masato didn’t care anymore.
“…I’ll just go collect that prize.”
He turned his back on the frothing horde of bargain hunters, on Mamako’s dominance of the field, and went to get the Loving Family Canteen.
With the fearsome battle known as shopping complete, the party piled the spoils of victory into Porta’s bag and left the store behind.
Before them lay buildings with white mud walls, brick walls, and roofs painted in warm colors. Like a town in a classic fantasy…a very familiar sight. The wind brushing gently through the streets seemed familiar as well.
The party was in the capital of Catharn, the starting point of their adventure.
“I was wondering why you suddenly wanted to go back to Catharn…”
“This sale only happens once a year! And you get a free pack of eggs for every two thousand mum you spend!”
“Yeah, I get it. No mom could pass that up, I’m sure. There was a really mouthwatering quest, but sales take priority… Adventuring with your mom can be a real trial sometimes.”
“A mouthwatering quest? There are quests you can eat?”
“That’s not what… I just mean the reward was good, okay? Never mind.”
Explaining that quests weren’t food was a chore he was not up to today.
Sensing his mood, his party began poking at him.
“Yo, Masato. Stop grumbling! This isn’t all bad.”
“That’s right. This shopping expedition allowed us to restock our food supplies.”
“And now Mama can make us all mouthwatering food! I can’t wait! …Oh, Masato, it’s ready! Here!”
“Uh…what’s ready?”
Porta held out the prize they’d received—the Loving Family Canteen, child model.
“It’s full of HP recovery potion! I also prepared the mom model for Mama! Here!”
“Thank you. I’ll carry this over my shoulders! Does this look right?”
Mamako equipped the mom canteen. The shoulder strap fit right in the valley between her generous bosom.
“You too, Ma-kun.”
“Out of the question. No way. Please say I don’t have to.”
“Come on, Masato. No need to hold back! Pfft.”
“I’m sorry, Porta, but I can’t equip this! Just imagine what it would mean!”
A mother and son, fighting side by side, matching canteens equipped.
A powerful blow! The canteen rocks wildly! A finishing move! Crash zoom to the canteen!
You couldn’t fight with a canteen equipped. “Pfft! You’re right; it’s killing me!” “I know!” Watching the canteens wobble all over the place was super-distracting, and combat required focus!
The Loving Family Canteens were a collector’s item and would remain in Porta’s safekeeping.
“Anyway, shopping’s done! Which means it’s time for the usual!”
A transport spell to another town and that mouthwatering quest. Masato tried to push the party toward that option, but…
“Oh? What’s that shop?”
Mamako suddenly paused, staring at a building by the side of the road.
“No, no, wait. We’ve done more than enough shopping for one day. Mm?”
The building Mamako was staring at certainly looked like a shop.
But the sign hanging outside had no shop name, no indication what they sold—nothing was written on it at all.
Wise and Medhi looked it over, cocking their heads.
“Has it gone out of business? Or are they opening soon?”
“It looks newly built, so I’m guessing the latter…but there doesn’t seem to be any work going on.”
“I’ll go take a look!”
Porta darted over to the building and peered through the window. Then she suddenly yelped “Whoaaaa!” and fell over backward.
Masato hurried over and peered inside.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay…? Oh…”
The interior screamed fast-food. There was a counter for placing orders and a number of tables around.
And a coffin lying in the middle of the main aisle.
“Ah yes… Most coffins we find turn out to be her…”
The rest of the party peered in the window and nodded.
The building’s door wasn’t locked. “I guess we’re welcome? I’d rather not, but…” The party stepped inside, and Medhi used a revival spell.
The coffin dissipated, and everyone’s favorite nun stood up.
“Well, well. Thank you for this latest resurrection. I can infooorm you that I am Shiraaase…the guide to your adventures and the occasional bearer of entirely harmless requests.”
She bowed with her signature perpetual calm.
“In return for restoring me to life, I present you with this plot of land and the building on its property. Please run a wonderful shop here and assist other parents and children in their struggles. I wish you the best!”
The party acquired a real estate deed! It’s the beginning of a capitalist adventure!
Having no intention of doing any such thing, Masato just glared at Shiraaase.
“So what are you plotting this time?”
“I object to that phrasing. I simply wish to request your assistance! Nothing more. You see, a minor issue has cropped up…”
“Goodness, an issue?” Mamako gasped. “Tell us more!”
“This is fundamentally an admin problem… This game is primarily concerned with the bonds between parents and children, but we’ve received a number of complaints suggesting that the systems intended to support those relationships are woefully inadequate.”
“Woefully inadequate? Gee, who would’ve thought,” Wise muttered.
Shiraaase fixed her with a meaningful look. “For example, when a parent and a child have a huge fight and split up…”
“Erk…”
“Or even if they do remain together, stress builds up to the point where problems occur…”
“W-well…”
“Or we’re forced to make special exceptions to allow children to adventure on their own for lengthy periods of time…”
“Ohhh…”
“As a result of a number of such unusual behaviors from a number of parent/child pairs, and the incidents resulting from those actions, we have been asked to strengthen the support systems.”
The bullet fired at Wise had ricocheted off Medhi and Porta as well.
Used as practical examples, all three shifted uncomfortably, staring at their feet. They were clearly keenly aware of the problems they’d caused.
Shiraaase gave this a satisfied nod and resumed her explanation.
“The admins have decided there is an urgent need to create a consultation office for parents and children to visit. I came here to inspect a potential site for such an office…and was killed by an unexpected bug.”
“And we coincidentally happened by, were unfortunate enough to revive you, and get your dirty work foisted off on us again.”
“I would rather not be treated like a demon you accidentally unleashed, but that is the long and short of it. What do you say?”
“It’s a lot to take in…”
“Naturally, if you wish to prioritize your adventures, that is totally fine. Feel free to manage this facility during downtime between escapades or treat it like sub-events…or even like a way of making up for all the problems you’ve caused for us.”
“O-okay! We get it! We’ll do it!”
“It is our duty to ensure no one else makes the same mistakes we did.”
“R-right! I really want to help!”
Poking the girls’ guilt had certainly proved motivating. They seemed downright desperate.
Mamako was on board, too.
“Our experiences might help other families. I think that’s wonderful! Ma-kun, why don’t we try it out? What do you say?”
With a huge smile, she’d sidled up to him like this was her moment.
“Sigh… You just want to talk to people about adventuring with your son, right?”
“Th-that’s not true! I don’t just want to talk; I also want to help!”
“Sure, I know. You love chattering away, not exactly new.”
So.
“Wise, Medhi, Porta, and Mamako, thank you for your help. I suppose that settles things.”
“Er…Shiraaase? Do I not get a say?”
Things were settled the moment Mamako was on board.
“Well, Mamako, if you could just fill out these forms? Feel free to just write whatever comes to mind.”
“Whatever comes to mind? Then I suppose I will…”
She made quick work of it.
“Augh! Wait!!”
“Then the rest is up to you. Good luck!”
Shiraaase stamped her approval on the forms, and the paperwork was complete.
A brand-new shop opened in a prime location in the commercial district! Its name:
MOM SHOP.
No matter how many times he looked at the letters on the sign, no matter what angle he looked at it from, this fact never changed.
Masato was on his hands and knees on the street outside, unable to summon the willpower to stand.
“I…I just can’t…”
“Oh, Ma-kun?! What’s wrong? Mommy thinks this shop is going to be wonderful!”
“How?! Where?! I don’t see a single aspect that could possibly be described as wonderful!”
There were carnations decorating it, making it look like a slightly upscale café. And then that sign. Mom Shop.
But in Masato’s case, this was a shop run by his actual mom. “It’s even harder to go in here than the adult section at a video store…” “Goodness, Ma-kun! You’ve done that?” “N-no, of course not!” It was simply a metaphor.
“Mom, let’s reconsider. We can’t do this!”
“Oh? Why not?”
“First of all, I can’t even tell what kind of shop this is!”
“It’s a mom shop, so I would think it was obvious that this is a shop that solves any problems your family might have.”
“It’s definitely not obvious! What does that even mean?! I’m sure the others feel the same!”
He was sure the rest of the party would be ready to vent their feelings, too.
Masato ran inside, only to find…
“Welcome to the Mom Shop!”
“No matter what your troubles are, rest assured, we’ll handle them.”
“With Mama, we will solve your problems!”
The girls were beaming with the utmost hospitality. They seemed to be genuinely enjoying this.
“…Uh, guys, you got a moment? Let’s try to be rational here.”
“What the heck, Masato? Don’t be a wet blanket.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?! This whole idea is insane! Especially the name! I mean, seriously, Mom Shop?!”
“Um, any mom having issues would immediately know to come here based on the name, duh.”
“And I feel the name makes that equally clear to anyone having problems with their mothers.”
“The word mom alone makes me feel safe!”
“Good god… You’ve all been corrupted by some mysterious power…”
Masato was the last remaining hope. Only he could do something about this stupid situation.
He began furiously searching for options. But before he found any, a luxurious carriage pulled up outside.
“Pardon the intrusion! Oh-ho-ho-ho!”
A lady in a gorgeous dress sailed into the shop. She had a refined air to her that marked her as more than just your average rich woman.
Several guards followed her in, arranging themselves protectively around her.
If their manners were anything less than perfect, they might well be executed on the spot—that was the impression the guards’ grim countenances gave off, anyway.
“Um… Might I ask who you are, ma’am?”
“My! You’re in this country and don’t know? Are you, perhaps, test players?”
“Uh, yes, we are.”
“Oh. That explains it. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Queen of Catharn. I’m the queen of this country.”
“That’s a ridiculous name! But you’re aggtually the queeeeen?!”
“Oh-ho-ho! No need to get all tongue-tied. I, too, am extremely displeased with this ridiculous name; so if you would, just call me Your Majesty. I am traveling incognito today, so no need for excessive deference.”
The queen of the realm, in their shop.
“Uh, so…if I may ask, Your Majesty, what brings you here?”
“This shop’s name piqued my curiosity, so I stopped in.”
“That stupid name reeled in a top-class VIP?!”
“Stupid? Hardly! The moment I saw the shop name, I knew this was the place I was looking for! Oh-ho-ho!”
“Seriously…?”
Masato glanced around him. Wise nodded proudly. He felt defeated.
“Are you, perhaps, not open yet?”
“No, we’re open for business,” Mamako replied. She seemed every bit the part of the veteran proprietor. “Please, have a seat.”
She led the queen to a nearby table.
The other three girls sprang into action.
“Our very first customer!” Wise yelped. She ran behind the counter and used a fire spell to boil water, making tea.
“I just went shopping and bought plenty of treats!” Porta said, pulling a mountain of desserts out of her shoulder bag. She loaded them onto a tray.
“Then I’ll take care of the rest. I’ve had the proper etiquette drilled into me.”
With the tea and treats ready, it fell to Medhi to bring them to the table.
Their coordination was far better than they’d ever demonstrated in battle.
Only Masato was left standing awkwardly behind the counter, with nothing to do but watch.
Mamako and the queen were talking.
“So what sort of shop is this?”
“Well, put simply, we help resolves any issues within the family. I don’t mean to imply anything unfortunate, but if you have any such problems, we’d be happy to assist.”
“Oh my! Well, I suppose I do have one thing. The prince—my son—he just won’t let me spoil him lately.”
“Goodness, that must be so hard for you…”
“It is! I miss cuddling with him so much… What do the common folk do at times like this? If you have any good advice, I’d love to hear it.”
The queen had brought in a royal family problem. The contents of it were not something Masato was prepared to comprehend, but this was definitely the Mom Shop’s specialty.
Either way, he had to assume that his mother’s supreme competence would make short work of it.
“Ah, speaking of the common folk… On the way here, I saw a very large crowd outside a shop. Do you know what was going on there?”
“Oh, that was the annual bargain sale!”
“Bargain sale? I’m not familiar with that term. Do tell me more.”
“I’d be glad to!”
“…Wait.”
They were already sidetracked.
This was how conversations between moms always went…
Easily an hour later…
“Well, we certainly did chatter away! Sorry I stayed so long.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it! I had such fun.”
“So did I… Oh, come to think of it, I was here for advice!”
“You want to spoil your son more, right? Well, the first thing to do is to find a way to make time for the two of you together. Why not go shopping? Just the two of you?”
“I see… Shopping with my son. Hmm, what would we buy…? Oh, I know! I’ll try that!”
A brief conversation, indeed, but enough to reach a conclusion. It had taken approximately ten seconds. After an entire hour wasted on small talk.
“Well, best of luck to you, Your Majesty. I’ll be rooting for you.”
“Thank you! You’ve done me such a service… I’ve been so envious of parents who are still close to their children that I was seriously considering making a new law forbidding mothers from touching their sons! But I suppose that won’t be necessary! Oh-ho-ho!”
Apparently, they had narrowly avoided a descent into despotism that would have threatened families everywhere. Seemingly thoroughly satisfied, the queen got back in her luxurious carriage and was chauffeured away.
Masato and Mamako saw her off.
“Our first job was a success! Great!”
“You call that great?! The two of you spent ages chattering about nothing…and it destroyed the rest of us.”
He pointed behind the counter, where the girls had all fallen asleep. He’d barely resisted the urge himself. Over an hour of small talk would do that.
The only thing that kept him conscious was his irritation.
“Mom, there’s one thing I’m worried about… Is half-assed advice like that really what you want to give?”
“Oh? What was ‘half-assed’ about it?”
“You made it sound like if the prince and queen went shopping together, she’d be able to spoil him. But let’s be clear, that’ll never happen. No way. Absolutely impossible.”
“Not true! I’m sure the prince really wants the queen to spoil him.”
“Based on what?”
“A mother’s instincts.” Ding!
“Hoo boy.”
So nothing, basically? He was about to start yelling, when…
…another luxurious carriage stopped outside the shop. No, the queen hadn’t come back.
“Pardon me. Do you have a moment?”
A handsome young man in gorgeous clothing came in, flanked by several guards.
He had a refined air to him that marked him as more than just your average rich man. And his guards had that “mind your manners or be executed” vibe, too.
“Um… Wait, are you…?”
“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Prince of Catharn. A sadly ridiculous name, I realize. Ha-ha-ha.”
“So…you’re the prince here?”
“Yes, it is as you say. Let me get down to business. If I might inquire—is this shop offering consultations on relationships with mothers?”
“It certainly is!”
“I thought as much! The moment I saw the name, I wondered—in that case, please, listen to my troubles! I’m begging you!”
That stupid sign had dragged in more royalty.
A handsome prince, in their shop.
You’d assume the girls would go wild, but…
“Order up! Tea for three!”
“The snacks are ready!”
“I’ll bring them out, then.”
They didn’t seem impressed at all. Just businesslike efficiency. Professionalism. Didn’t seem fazed by the handsome face at all.
“Well, Masato, as an employee of the Mom Shop, please do your best!”
“The moment this battle ends, I’m handing in my resignation.”
Unexpected support from his reliable party member Medhi. Masato took his seat next to Mamako. At the request of the prince, he was to hear the royal issue.
“Right… Your Highness, what seems to be the problem?
“It’s about my mother spoiling me.”
“You seem very tense.”
“Fact of the matter is that it seems like my mother wants to spoil me all the time.”
“Uh, yeah, I’d gathered…”
She’d said so herself. But…
The prince looked older than Masato. He was already a grown man.
“Uh, so… But for someone your age, you can’t just let them spoil you, right?”
“Nonsense! I would love nothing more!”
“So why do you look even more tense?!”
“I just have no idea how to go about doing that! I’m at my wit’s end. What is the right way to be spoiled? Please, I need your help!”
“I don’t believe you should beg for these things. Please, leave while you still can.”
Masato tried a polite refusal, but…
“There’s nothing to fret about!” Mamako said. “Just act on your feelings and allow her to spoil you!”
“Wait, Mom, what are you saying? Spoiling is bad!”
“But I always want to spoil you, Ma-kun. Hee-hee!”
“That’s just how you feel!”
“Th-that’s right… You are a mother, Mamako. Masato, how do you allow her to spoil you?”
“Me? Well, obviously…”
He was about to insist he did no such thing, but he hit the brakes on the thought.
Hmm, come to think of it…
They’d just given the queen advice on this same subject.
If Masato remained anti-spoiling, and the prince failed to respond…
…The queen would be disappointed. And she might really pass that law against physical contact…or worse…
The queen’s anger might target the Mom Shop for giving bad advice.
Would she execute all staff? Off with their heads?
“Ma-kun, you’ve turned pale! Are you feeling well?”
“I-I’m fine! Don’t worryyyy!”
He definitely wasn’t fine.
This was life or death. Their very lives were on the line!
Fine! To save the kingdom and our necks, I’ve gotta do it!
Masato moved around behind Mamako, summoning his courage. If he didn’t have to face her…
He gently put his arms around her.
“Oh my! A piggyback hug? Ma-kun! You’re such a mama’s boy! Hee-hee!”
Mamako’s skill, A Mother’s Light, activated. Her whole body glowed. Much too bright, but he did his best to withstand it.
“Y-Your Highness! I think something like this is doable! Seems to have worked on my mom anyway! Give it a shot sometime!”
“Oh, I see! This is very educational!”
The prince seemed impressed.
Masato glanced behind him. Porta’s smile was totally pure, but Wise’s grin was definitely malicious, and Medhi was clearly sniggering. Why didn’t they just kill him?
But Masato had people to save, no matter what personal sacrifice that required.
He felt like he was finally playing the role of a Hero, but the rest of him was still going “Not like this, though!”
With the prince’s problem resolved and his duty fulfilled, Masato went to breathe a sigh of—
He didn’t get a chance.
“Does this shop consult on parent/child problems?!”
“Please, listen! My son won’t let me dote on him…”
“Not in a weird way. I just want Mom to spoil me like a normal kid, but how?”
Customer after customer poured into the Mom Shop.
“Oh, Ma-kun! Time to do our duty as the heroic family! Don’t worry! I’m sure you can do it! You’re a Hero, Ma-kun!”
“Argh! Put that way, I have to! But this is the last time! Seriously, never again!”
He said this for the next twenty consultations.
“Parents who want to spoil their children, children who want to be spoiled but hesitate to ask for it directly… How can we solve their problems? Well, Ma-kun?”
“Argh! Fine! Deploy the Oosuki Technique—the piggyback hug!”
Every problem was solved with Masato and Mamako’s demonstration.
Now he was on a Labor Department–mandated break.
“This doesn’t make sense… No way so many people want to be spoiled… It’s insane…”
Having completely worn himself out, Masato was collapsed on a table, pointedly ignoring Wise and Medhi, who clearly were longing to mess with him.
“…We have to close the store.”
“There you go again! You know you like it.”
“You get to solve people’s problems and let Mamako spoil you! Isn’t that nice? Heh-heh-heh.”
“I! Am sacrificing! My dignity! To help! These people!”
“Good job, Masato! Here’s a treat!”
“Oh, thanks. You’re my one salvation, Porta.”
With a grateful look, he bit into the treat, his mood restored by the sugar.
But this was no time to lie around. Masato sprang to his feet.
“Mom! Can we talk?”
“Oh? What is it? Do you want to give me another squeeze?”
“None of those hugs qualified as a squeeze! And no, not that.”
He was ready to burst a blood vessel—but better to stay calm.
“Mom,” he said quietly. “Let’s go over what the purpose of this shop is again.”
“Yes, okay.”
“Shiraaase hired us to support parent/child relationships.”
“Yes, she did! Exactly right!”
“But I’m certain Shiraaase had support in mind for test-player relationships. Naturally! If NPC families have problems, they can just adjust their settings!”
“That’s… Is that true?”
“It is! So let’s add Test players only or No NPCs, please! to the sign! That’ll fix it!”
The double royal visit—and the flood of ordinary NPCs afterward—had Mom Shop business booming in a bad way. They’d never be able to keep up.
The Oosuki Technique was whittling away at Masato’s endurance and mental fortitude, and he couldn’t keep doing that all day.
He at least had to reduce the number of demonstrations.
“Hmm… I don’t think it matters if you’re a test player, an NPC, or spoiled rotten. I think if all parents and children are close, then everyone is happy. Hee-hee.”
“Please, these things matter! And acting spoiled rotten is a third option that is clearly mental!”
Mamako seemed to be really enjoying this. The more the merrier. As great a toll as the Oosuki Technique took on Masato, it only powered Mamako up. She looked eager for the next customer to arrive.
But then…
“…Um, are you free?”
“Eeeeek?! Another spoiling?!”
The new customer was an exhausted-looking middle-aged woman.
“I saw the shop sign and thought you might be able to help me with my problem.”
“Yes. Let’s hear it!”
“No, wait! If she says ‘How can I spoil my child more?’ I can’t handle it!”
“Uh, no, that’s not… It’s the other way around.”
“Huh? You mean…”
“My daughter wants me to spoil her too much! It’s a real problem. I don’t know what to do! I feel like a failure…”
Neither wanting to spoil nor be spoiled. A third type of consultation!
“Your daughter is too spoiled? Can you tell us how?”
“It’s a bit hard to explain… Could you come to my house and observe my daughter for yourselves? Please, I think that would be best.”
There was no way Mamako would reject a plea like that.
The woman’s name was Leene.
Since she wanted them to see her daughter in person, Masato’s party had come to her home.
“Here we are. Come on in.”
They were in a neat little residential area, the kind of place people live in when they have money but not that much.
Leene’s house alone was conspicuously run-down.
The place had clearly had a number of makeshift repairs done with random planks or bits of wood. The garden and yard were a sight, as if everything had been violently uprooted.
“Like something went on a rampage through here… What happened?”
“O-oh, nothing! I just…haven’t been able to look after the place as well as I… L-let me introduce you to my daughter! This way!”
This was clearly way beyond a failure to look after the place.
Leene was obviously flustered. She hastily opened the door…
“Mommy! I was good while I was all by myself! You promised you’d give me a head rub if I looked after the house! …Oh?!” A bizarre creature had come tearing out of a back room, but she screeched to a halt, gasping loudly. “G-guests?! Nice to meet you! My name’s Mone!” This polite greeting out of the way, she muttered, “Whew… Close one.”
Leene’s daughter, Mone. Fifteen years old.
At first glance, she clearly qualified as cute.
Normally, I’d be all “At last, my heroine has arrived,” but…
But this was a problem child so into being spoiled it actively alarmed her mother.
They were led to a living room—like the exterior, the inside had obviously been hastily patched up. Even the couch they were sitting on. Leene provided tea and cake and was about to start explaining, when…
“Hngggg… I just can’t! I can’t wait anymore! Mommy! Mommyyy!”
Mone collapsed sideways against her mother, rubbing her face on Leene’s lap.
“Er…Mone? This is an important conversation, so—”
“That’s okay! I’ll listen on Mommy’s lap!”
“Th-that’s not… Sit up properly, and…”
“Mommy! I want some cake! Feed me some? Ahhh!”
“I—I think you can feed yourself.”
“But it tastes better if you feed it to me! Ahhhh!”
Leene reluctantly started feeding her daughter, looking ready to burst into tears. Clearly at a loss.
Faced with the sheer degree of Mone’s spoiling, Wise, Medhi, and even Porta and Mamako looked aghast. They had to step in.
“This is a job for the Mom Shop. What do we do?”
“W-well, we could hit her in the head really hard?” suggested Wise. “It might make her sane again.”
“I agree. I volunteer to take care of—”
“Eek!” yelped Porta. “Medhi, I think your bash damage will just hurt her a lot…”
“That’s right. Violence is not the answer.”
“Fair enough, I suppose. So what do we do?”
Mamako frowned, thinking about that.
“Loving your mother is never a bad thing, but…it’s a matter of degree. Hmm. I think it would be best if we could find a more appropriate distance…”
“Yeah. Appropriate is the right word.”
“Yes! Like, this far!”
Mamako moved closer to Masato, casually wrapping her arm around his.
“Yeah, sure, this far…is already too close!”
“Oh, it is? Mommy thinks this is perfect!”
“I don’t! No son ever wants to be this close!”
Mamako could not be relied on for these things. At all.
He extracted himself carefully, managing to avoid unfortunate contact.
“But distance is definitely important. And the one who’ll teach that is…Wise!”
“Ha! My turn, at last! Leave it to me!”
Wise and her mother had enough distance that they could fight. It might be a tad violent, but it wasn’t a bad relationship at all.
Wise stood up with a ton of confidence. “Right; you there, sorry!” She forced herself between Mone and Leene, plunking down between them.
Instantly, Mone scowled, screaming “Hey! Don’t get between my mommy and me!”
“Yeah, yeah, my bad…but there’s no need to get that angry!”
“There is! This is unforgivable! Attempting to sever the bond between Mommy and me is downright diabolical! You leave me no choice… Hyah!”
Mad with rage, Mone attacked!
Putting all her power in her hands, Mone grabbed Wise’s sides!
“Evil spirit, I banish thee!”
“Wait, stop tha—ha-ha-ha-ha-ha?!”
Her sides under attack, Wise slid off the couch, rolling on the floor laughing. No matter how much she struggled, there was no escaping Mone’s tickle assault.
The sight of Wise’s agonized face was far sadder than the panties she was inadvertently flashing, so Masato was forced to look away.
Five minutes later…
“S-stop… I was wrong…” Wise went limp.
“The evil is defeated! Family ties win again!”
The battle was over. Mone roared in victory. “Mommyyyy!” She flung her arms around Leene again.
The plan to pry them apart physically had failed.
“I knew Wise couldn’t do it. Oh well. It is Wise.”
“Oh, go to hell… You could have stepped in and helped me, y’know!”
“Next up… Medhi!”
“Wise is the weakest of us. I’ll show you what real power means!”
The next assassin stepped forward.
Medhi stood next to Leene and put her arm around her shoulders.
“Mone, listen close. I’m going to tell you what your mother is really thinking.”
“What Mommy is really thinking? Oooh, I wanna know!”
Medhi didn’t actually have a mind reading skill, but she was sure acting like it, making a show of concentrating, speaking slowly.
“Your mother thinks… ‘Mone is my daughter and obviously important to me, but…’”
“But?”
“She’s very worried that you’re too spoiled.”
“What? Mommy thinks I’m too spoiled? I don’t see how that can be true. I mean, Mommy’s never said anything like that to me!”
“It seems like she’s one of those people who can’t bring themselves to share how they really feel. But deep down, she definitely thinks that way. Right, Leene?”
Leene hesitated but gave a very small nod. Medhi was speaking for her.
If this could talk sense into Mone…
“Also, she definitely thinks having you be that clingy is creepy. She thinks there’s something wrong with you.”
“Whaaaat?! Mommy thinks that about me?!”
“Wait, Medhi! That’s how you feel!”
“Oh, whoops.”
Her native dark side had added a bit too much venom.
Leene was shaking her head. She would never go that far.
It was over.
“Mommy says she doesn’t! …Hnggg… You tried to trick me! Unforgivable!”
“No, um, calm down! We can talk this out! If—”
“No ifs! Hyah!”
“Wai— Heeeeeee?!”
Mad with rage, Mone attacked again!
Her sides violently assaulted, Medhi’s beautiful features crumpled, and she was left rolling on the floor—until she landed on the ground next to the half-dead Wise. She didn’t move again.
“Ha! You lose!”
Mone threw up a victory sign and then threw her arms around Leene again.
A fearsome foe.
“Medhi failed, too? Oh well. It is Medhi.”
“I take offense to that! …But I must admit defeat.”
“Leave the rest to us. Take a break, you did a great job.”
To ease her slumber, he helped pull her skirt back down. Such a gentleman, Masato! RIP, white panties.
“Forcibly prying them away and taking the mother’s side both ended in failure. What next?”
“Um, Ma-kun, perhaps Mommy could…”
“Mom, you’re wholeheartedly in favor of spoiling, so I feel that would just backfire. Stay out of this one.”
“Oh no… Mommy’s sad now…”
“Yeah, yeah, knock it off.”
Mamako had leaned closer, crying crocodile tears, but Masato gently pushed her away.
“Masato! I have an idea!” Porta said, her hand shooting up.
“Oh, Porta! You’re joining the battle? So brave!”
“Er? Um, well… I…”
Porta looked down at the older girls’ agonized expressions.
A look of fear passed over her face, and tears welled up in her eyes.
“O-okay!” she said, shaking like a leaf. “Here I go, off to my death!”
“No, wait! I’m kidding! That was a joke! You don’t need to die! I really don’t want to see you laugh yourself to death… You said you had an idea? Can we hear it?”
“R-right! I do!”
“Good, go on! Lay your idea on us, Porta! What is it you think we should do?”
“I think we just need to get Mone to change!”
“Hmm…right…”
She was the source of the problem. Only she could fix it.
“But how do we convince her to change? We need something more specific…”
“I think you should explain how you feel, Masato!”
“How I feel? But that’s…”
“You and Mama are very close! You’re the best family! I think if you tell her how you feel, that will do the trick!”
“Okay, Porta. Back up.”
He glanced at Mamako, and she was nodding a lot. She needed to back up, too.
“Lemme clarify. Mom and I aren’t that close…”
“You totally are! We see how you act around each other every day! We know better.”
“How do you do it? I think it’s a very good idea to have you explain how it feels from the child’s perspective.”
Wise and Medhi had returned to the world of the living and piled on.
He felt like they were just hoping he’d fail and be sentenced to the hell of tickles like they had.
But then Leene joined in. “Yes… If you can give her advice from a child’s point of view, I think my daughter would have to consider it. Will you please try?”
“Er? S-seriously? Me? Do I have to?”
Expectant looks from everyone. Argh.
“…Hngg…”
Mone’s hackles were raised, like a wild animal. Facing her—the hero, Masato.
A battle for the spoils.
Masato and Mone were in the yard.
He glanced back and saw the others clustered in the window, watching intently. Too much attention.
This was really, really awkward.
“Um, if you have something to say, just spit it out?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
“And just to be clear, I’m only listening because Mommy asked me to. Don’t get the wrong idea.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“And if my supply of spoiling isn’t replenished regularly, things get real ugly.”
“Noted. Geez, you can’t just say whatever…”
Ignoring that nonsense…
Masato looked her in the eye. She glared balefully back. He chose his words carefully.
“Where should I start…? Um… So how do you feel about Leene…?”
“I love her, obviously! Geez! Don’t make me spit it out!”
“Uh, right. Sure.”
“But not, like, love in a weird way? She’s my mommy, and I love her like one!”
“Okay… Sure, that’s a relief.”
She might have a few screws loose, but she more or less had all her marbles. There might still be some salvation here.
“Then if the mom you love so much had a problem, what would you do?”
“I’d do something about that problem, of course!”
“Then let’s do that. Leene is…upset? Annoyed? …Er, no—she’s worried about you.”
“Huh? Why? I haven’t done anything to make her—”
“But you have. You’re too spoiled. Leene’s so worried she asked us to come help.”
“Oh…”
Mone spun around and stared at her mother.
Leene could probably hear them talking. Once again, she gave a very small nod.
“So what are you gonna do about it?” Masato asked. “The mom you love so much has a problem. How are you going to solve that?”
“Th-that’s… But… How…?”
“It’s simple.”
Masato glanced at Mamako. She had that same smile.
He just needed to say the words he had within him.
“My mom worries about me way too much. She’s always fussing over me, doing things for me—it happens all the time. And I don’t want to make her worry.”
“Th-then…what do you do? How do you handle it?”
“Simple. I act in a way that I think will show her she doesn’t need to worry.”
Whether that was true was another matter.
“I try to show her I can do anything, without her advice, that I’m independent. That’s the key.”
“Independent…”
“I’m just guessing here, but…I think that’s what’s got Leene worried.”
“Am…am I not independent?”
“I’m sure she doesn’t dislike spoiling you, but when you’re clinging to her all the time…that’s concerning. Will you be able to go out in the world, get a job, a boyfriend, get married? I imagine she’s worried about all of that. That’s how parents think.”
Boyfriends and marriage carried a whole other set of problems.
This is all just how I imagine it, but…I think I’m right?
Just to be sure, he stole a glance at Leene. She was nodding firmly, like he’d hit the nail on the head. Cool.
Feeling like he’d gained a glimpse into the parental mind, he continued talking, quite proud of himself.
“So what are you going to do? How do you want to handle this?”
“I…really don’t want to worry Mommy. So I need to prove to her that she doesn’t have to worry about me.”
“Yeah, good. Do that.”
“So… Mm, first, I should get a job and prove to Mommy that I can work!”
“Nice! Always good. Labor is your duty, citizen.”
“And then I’ll get a boyfriend! I’ll show her I can date a boy!”
“Yeah, get a boyfriend! Literally anyone but me.”
It wasn’t that he didn’t think she was cute.
It was just that dating someone who doted on her mom this much seemed like a chore.
“Well, I think if she was dating a boy who had his feet as firmly on the ground as you do, I’d never have to worry! Heh-heh-heh!” Leene had come out in the garden specifically to alarm him.
Mamako followed her. “If you need a place to work, how about our Mom Shop?”
“Oooh, nice idea!” said Wise. “We can’t be there all the time.”
“We would be incredibly grateful if you could open up the shop, listen to customers’ problems, and contact us when we’re needed,” added Medhi.
“If you assisted us at the shop, it would help both us and the people in trouble!” agreed Porta.
“If my daughter was working at your shop, that would be a big relief! Right, Mone? What do you think?”
“No, um, wait? Please wait?” Masato said. This was all happening way too fast.
But Mone?
“Sure! It’s settled! I’ll prove I’m independent, so you don’t have to worry! I’ll go work there! And then…get a boyfriend!”
She shot Masato a meaningful look.
And it really happened.
“Um, Shiraaase? You can just say no…”
“It was a careless oversight on my part. It would never do for a support facility to be closed all the time. I think having Mone watch over the shop while you’re away is a very good idea. We’ll make her an official employee and pay her an appropriate wage.”
She had the authority to make it all official.
“Then…once again! I’m Mone! Thanks for having me!”
Their new employee bowed. Good manners, cheerful, definitely a cute girl.
Except…
“But I’m surprised you managed to discover a secret boss and befriend her.”
“Huh?”
“Her real name is Mammone, the dark god. She was created as the boss for a high-level quest, but the quest’s actual story creation has been delayed, so we placed her in an ordinary household as their daughter…”
“Again: Huh?!”
What was Shiraaase talking about?
“W-wait… Mone’s a secret boss?! What the hell?! You can’t put a character that powerful in a random house in the starting village! …Argh, none of this makes sense!”
“There was nothing else we could do. And the power hidden within her is extremely unique…”
But before she could say another word…
…Mone suddenly let out a groan and fell to her knees. “Urrghh…”
“Hey, what’s going on?!” asked Wise.
“Are you sick?” said Medhi.
“Oh no!” cried Porta. “I’ll get some medicine!”
“No, that’s not it… The whole spoiled thing wasn’t just me acting spoiled, it was also a way to seal in my power… If my mother doesn’t spoil me…”
If her heart was not fulfilled, the power of her cravings emerged.
The tables and chairs around Mone began sliding toward her—then so did the people in the room.
Then a potted plant touched Mone and crumbled into dust, all of it absorbed into her body.
“Yo, seriously?! If she isn’t doted on, she turns into a black hole?! Then the reason her house was a mess was… Look, we gotta do something!”
“Right! Then I’ll just have to spoil her myself!”
“No, Wise! You’re the demon who forced her way between Mommy and me! I don’t want you to spoil me!”
“If Wise is no good, then I’ll—”
“No, Medhi! You’re a blackhearted con artist! I don’t want you to spoil me!”
“Then what about me?”
“Porta? …Mm, you’re not so bad…but being spoiled by someone younger than me is kinda…”
“The situation’s dire, and here she’s being super-picky! What a piece of work!”
But then the star of the show stepped in.
“Then how about me? Mone, dear, come to Mommy!”
Mamako held her arms open wide. “Mom!” “Mamako!” “Mama!” For some reason, the three girls all jumped in first.
Mone almost ran into her embrace but managed to stand her ground.
“Argh! No! If I let Mamako spoil me, I’ll be letting my mother spoil me! …After all, you’ll eventually be my mother-in-law!”
“Hell no, she won’t! I won’t let that happen! I refuse!”
“Which means…the only one here… Hee-hee! Masatooo!”
“Stop it!”
“I won’t! After all, you’re my boyfriend!”
“I never agreed to that!”
“Doesn’t matter if you do! My mind’s made up! Rub, rub. Rub, rub.”
Mone threw her arms around Masato, rubbing her cheek on his chest. Very spoiled.
But this spoiling seemed to control the power inside her. The destructive gravitational pull subsided.
But she was still clinging to Masato.
“Mm—heh-heh. Masatooo…” Rub, rub.
“Argh… She smells good, too…”
“Well, don’t leave me out! Mommy wants to rub Ma-kun, too!”
“Don’t you join in, Mom!”
“This looks like fun. Perhaps I should let Masato dote on me?”
“Shiraaase, you’re just doing that out of spite! S-someone! Help! Free me from this spoiled hell!”
Despite Masato’s desperate screams, Porta simply smiled happily—and Wise and Medhi uncomfortably.
Outside the Mom Shop…
A pair of very suspicious figures were peering in the window, heedless of the attention they were drawing from passersby.
“Look at them happily goofing off with not a care in the world. Infuriating.”
“Masato, the center of attentioooon? That’s unuuuusual. Downright bizaaaarre!”
One was a girl with a face as fierce as any tiger.
The other affected a look of languid superiority.
They were two of the Four Heavenly Kings of the Libere Rebellion, Amante and Sorella.
Glaring up at the Mom Shop sign, Amante bared her teeth.
“I thought it was weird when they suddenly shot off to Catharn, but to open a mom shop?! We have to assume they intend this as a slap in the face.”
“We reject the existence of motheeers! This is extremely distuuurbing.”
“Exactly! We have to shut this place down—and pronto! But…”
They both peered into the shop again.
Inside was Mamako, the unrivaled World’s Best Mom title holder; Wise and Medhi, who had once backed them into a corner; and the newly revealed secret boss, Mone. Also, Porta.
Shiraaase and Masato were there, too, but they weren’t worth paying attention to.
A cold sweat pouring down their faces, both Heavenly Kings shrank back.
“L-look, it’s not like I don’t see any path to victory against those combined forces! I’m not scared of them or anything!”
“R-riiiight! It’s juuuust…we’re outnuuumbered…and that’s hardly faaaair.”
“E-exactly! That’s it! So…we need a plan or… Oh, I know! This shop… If we just… Right, and then…”
“You have an ideaaaa? Let’s hear iiiiiit!”
“Time is of the essence. Now’s the time for action! Let’s go! …Mamako Oosuki…you’ll never imagine that your own reputation will be the very noose that hangs you! Heh-heh-heh! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!”
Amante and Sorella turned their backs on the Mom Shop and sprang into action.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login