Chapter 5 “Courtship Is Basically an Interview, Right?” I Said, and the Girls All Looked Disgusted. Baffling.
Perfect questing weather.
They’d accepted a job to dispatch some monsters attacking local chickens.
Once they reached the chicken coop in question, Masato’s party prepared for battle—by readying bait to lure out their targets.
“Mom, about this bait you prepared…”
“They said the monster was feline, so I made something a cat would love!”
“You got real hung up on that cat thing, huh? Argh… If only I’d noticed sooner, this would never have happened…”
The bait in Masato’s hand was clearly, beyond all doubt…
Neko-manma. Mamako’s special “cat rice”—a pile of bonito flakes over a bowl of rice.
He put it on the ground, and they hid in the shadow of the coop, waiting.
“What kind of kitty is it?!” Mamako said, excited.
“It’s not a cat! It’s a monster. Argh, this thing is never gonna show. We should’ve just used normal meat… Monsters aren’t going to eat neko-manma…”
“Mm? Hang on. Something’s coming out of the forest…”
“That was quick. Good catch, Wise,” said Medhi. “Porta, can you see anything?”
“That’s… Whoa! It’s a saber-toothed tiger! And it’s really fast!”
“You’re kidding, right?! The neko-manma worked?! On a saber-toothed tiger?!”
The scent of the neko-manma wafted through the air—and a ferocious beast with massive tusks was making a beeline for it.
“A full-on carnivore is seriously targeting some fish flakes on a bowl of rice! I guess that’s not our primary concern, though. That thing’s bad news! One blow from that would mean instant death!”
“Masato, you take the hit! It’s all yours!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back to life right away!”
“I was gonna suggest we try dodging, actually?!”
Wise and Medhi had hidden themselves behind Masato, clutching his clothes and using him as a human shield. “Perfect.” “Porta, just in case, you’d better join us.” “O-okay!” The other two were dubious, but with Porta behind him, he couldn’t exactly shirk his tanking duties.
“Geez! The one time anyone relies on me… But I guess I’m not really complaining!”
He could do this. He was a hero who could be relied upon.
The saber-toothed tiger spied a bigger meal—Masato—and took aim.
Masato held out his left arm, deploying his shield wall, and grimly braced for the attack!
“Oh my! That’s not a kitty, it’s a dangerous monster! In that case… Hyah!”
Mamako attacked. Two multi-target attacks, rock spikes and water bullets, all hit home, and the saber-toothed tiger was instantly vanquished! “Yeah, I knew it.” Masato nodded and lowered his arm.
The battle was over. Quest complete.
“The monster dropped a mountain of gems! I’ll collect them!”
“All yours. Then I guess I’ll clean up the neko-manma. Mom? Chopsticks and soy sauce?”
“Oh, here! I also brought tea.”
“Cool.”
“Now we just have to report this to the guild,” said Wise. “…That sure wrapped up quick.”
“This quest was our only goal for the day, so…we’ve got a lot of free time now,” said Medhi.
“Yeah… What else should we do?” Masato thought about it while he ate the neko-manma.
Then Mamako clapped her hands. “Why don’t we check in on the Mom Shop?”
Several days had passed since they’d opened it for business.
While they were away, they’d left Mone in charge, but…
“Yeah… Couldn’t hurt to check.”
He definitely had concerns. He polished off the neko-manma and was ready to go.
A quick swing by the adventurer’s guild to turn in the quest, and…
“…Right, definitely Catharn. Thanks, Wise!”
“Sure, sure. My magic’s the best.”
“Let’s go check on our shop! Yay!”
Wise’s transport spell had dropped them at the entrance to the Catharn capital. With Mamako’s cry, they set out, headed for the Mom Shop.
“I do hope Mone’s okay…,” Mamako said.
“She’s fine,” Masato reassured her. “Shiraaase said she’d help out if it got to be too much for her.”
“This is fundamentally management’s job anyway,” added Wise. “She’s got this.”
“I’m more worried about Mone’s power than the shop…,” said Medhi.
“If Masato’s not there to dote on her, her powers will spiral out of control! I’m very worried!” exclaimed Porta.
“I’d definitely rather not have a fatal blow hit the town on my watch…but it doesn’t look like we have anything to be worried about. Catharn is clearly safe and sound!”
The town was definitely still here. No signs of any destruction from Mone’s black hole power. There were plenty of people in the street, young and old. Mostly women.
A huge crowd formed a line from the town entrance into the distance.
“What is this? Some sort of event or…? Wait…”
Masato had paused in his tracks, but his body started moving on its own.
He was still standing upright, but his feet were being dragged parallel to the ground. And getting faster. “Whoa?!” “Ah! Ma-kun!” Mamako hastily reached out—but too late. Masato was sliding away down the street.
“H-holy craaaaap?! The hell is going on?! It’s like something’s pulling me in!! Whyyy?!”
He was dragged all the way to the commercial district, following the line of people. Then he hit a sharp curve. “Wahhhh!” The sideways g-force nearly snapped his neck, but on he went.
He could see the front of the line now. It ended at the Mom Shop.
“All these people are Mom Shop customers?! There’s an ON BREAK sign on the door, but… Wait; I’m about to smack right into it!!”
The shop windows were right in front of him, but he wasn’t even slowing down. “Mmph!” He smacked up against them, flattened. But still, he didn’t stop. “Mwaaaa?!” The window was cracked open, and the force was trying to drag him in through it.
And once inside…
“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”
Mone was curled up behind the counter, staring at her feet, dead-eyed, repeating the same words over and over.
Clearly terminal.
“I can’t, I can’t, I…I c-can’t?! …I…c-c-casatooooo!!”
“Masato, not Casato! So you’re the one who dragged me here? You’ve developed the power to drag only the one you want spoiling you?! Nobody asked for this annoying turn of events—!”
“People! So many peopleeeee! One after another! Aughhhh!”
“Sheesh! You’re in no state to talk, huh?”
Mone had burst into tears and flung her arms around him. With the force of ten thousand men. Emergency spoil charge!
While that happened, the rest of the party caught up.
“Ma-kun, are you okay?! …Oh my! Mone? What’s wrong with her?”
“Your guess is as good as mine… But given the insane crowd outside, maybe the volume got to be too much for her, and she panicked?”
“I can’t take it anymooooore! It’s too muuuuch! Wahhh!”
“There, there,” said Masato. “Just calm down, Mone… I’m sure you did great, right?”
“Uh-huh! Most people were worried about spoiling, and I know more about that than anyone, so I was able to help them all!”
“Then we were right to leave you in charge,” said Mamako. “Still…”
“Yes! The last few days, the number of customers has gone up and up! And I couldn’t handle it anymore! Wahhhh!”
“Please don’t cry! It’s okay now! You’ll be okay!”
Mamako and Porta both patted Mone on the back. But Mone wasn’t calming down.
Wise and Medhi hesitantly reached to pat her back, too…
“Come on, no more crying…”
“Mone, please calm down.”
“Oh, don’t you dare! I don’t need a demon and a con artist comforting me!”
“Wow, this girl can hold a grudge…”
“She really does have it out for us.”
She’d sounded super-calm for a moment there.
And that did seem to lead to an overall improvement.
“Sorry, Masato. I really lost control… Sniff…”
“Don’t worry about it. Happens to everyone. No one could handle that many customers all on their own. This place has always been booming, but for the number of patrons to grow this explosively… I wonder why?”
“I think this is the cause. Some of the customers brought it. They’re being handed out all over town.”
Mone held up a flyer.
An ad for the Mom Shop. There was a map, and the business hours, and a brief description of services.
And in very big letters, the alarming phrase:
IF WE CAN’T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, MAMAKO OOSUKI WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND QUIT BEING A MOTHER!
“Yo… Mom, what is this? You’re passing these out?”
“Mommy doesn’t know anything! I certainly didn’t ask for these…”
“Then who’s passing this stuff out? Why would anyone just…? Hmm?”
At the very bottom of the flyer was some fine print.
PRINTING: LIBERE REBELLION.
CONTACT: AMANTE OR SORELLA
And there was a symbol on it—the kanji for Mom written upside down.
“For a society of evil, they sure are sticklers for advertising laws… An impressive show of stupidity.”
“Ms. Shiraaase stopped by earlier and said the same thing. She left, saying she’d handle it…and that I’d better close the shop in the meantime. So I did.”
“Okay…then we’ll leave the idiots to Shiraaase. And we’d better take care of this.”
He glared at the line outside. “Are they still not open?” “This is urgent!” “My children won’t let me spoil them!” “I want my mother to spoil me!” The crowd was growing impatient and knocking on the door and windows.
“Even if the flyers are fake, these people are here with real problems they need solved. We can’t exactly send them away…”
“That’s right! The Mom Shop is here to solve their problems!”
“Okay. Then if we just correct the part about you quitting being a mom if you can’t—”
“Hold up,” interrupted Wise. “I just had a thought… Wouldn’t it be way more fun if we didn’t correct that?”
“We’d destroy the Rebellion’s plans head-on… Yes, that would be delightful!” concurred Medhi.
“I agree! Mama and Masato’s ultimate technique will defeat these people’s problems and the Four Kings!”
“Er… Uh, I mean… I do like facing people down and emerging victorious, but…”
The burden of being spoiled took too great a toll on Masato.
“Oh, I know! Mone could get in some payback by teaming up with Mom!”
“I’ll go sort the customers’ problems! If they have similar ones, we can resolve them in batches!”
Mone ran out of the shop. She was very fast.
The rest of the girls went behind the counter, preparing refreshments. They were very fast.
Masato bit his lip, and Mamako took her place next to him. Also very fast.
“Come, Ma-kun. You and Mommy are going to work so hard! Hee-hee.”
“Argh… Fine! I get it! I’ll do it! It’s my job!”
With that nigh-apathetic declaration, they opened for business.
The customers came filing in, demanding their troubles be resolved!
“How can I make my children let me dote on them naturally?”
“It’s best to use a lap pillow! Ma-kun, demonstrate?”
“Y-yaaay! Catnip for kids! …Oh, I’m so sleepy… Zzz…”
“How can I subtly get my mother to spoil me?”
“Just link your arm with hers when you’re walking together! Right, Ma-kun?”
“Right on! I’ll escort you to the store, Mom! Come this way!”
Demonstrating their bonds won over one and all…
The sun had set at last.
Over three hundred customers had come to the Mom Shop that day.
They’d resolved each and every problem, but the toll was immense.
“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!”
“M-Ma-kun! You’re fine now! That was the last customer!”
“You did great, Masato! As a reward, I’ll rub your head for you! Let me spoil you!”
“Huh? …Spoil? Spoil?!”
“Masato! Here are some sweets and a soda! Nothing like spoiling yourself when you’re exhausted!”
“Eeeek! I’ve had enough spoiling to last me a lifetiiiiime!”
He and Mamako had demonstrated proper spoiling techniques so many times it had damaged his very mind. Being spoiled had traumatized him.
And faced with this fact…
“Geez, fine, whatever… Medhi, let’s do this.”
“Yes. We’d better cure him—and quickly.”
…Wise pulled out her tome, and Medhi gripped her staff, each casting a spell in turn.
“…Spara la magia per mirare… Morte!”
“Oh… I died…”
“…Spara la magia per mirare… Rianimato!”
“Mm? I’m back already?”
No sooner had the coffin formed around him than he was back to life. Wise and Medhi sidled up to him, whispering in his ears.
“Hero Masato, thou have been reborn. A new life lies before thee.”
“Huh? Reborn? I have?!”
“Yes. The life you led before is no more. You stand here a new man, free of any burdens that may have corrupted your soul.”
“Wow! I do feel brand new! Being reborn is amazing!”
Masato is now New Masato!
“Yeah, right! I’m the same person I was a second ago; don’t be stupid.”
“Yeah… We know.”
“But you at least recovered enough to play along with the joke for a minute. It’s good to have you back.”
“I hate the part of me that can’t get enough of routines like this, but… Well, it’s helped me face reality anyway. Thanks, I guess.”
He felt better in spite of himself. Wise and Medhi grinned happily, and he glared at them…but his gratitude was genuine.
“Um, do you mind?”
Mone had stepped in, arms akimbo, glaring at Wise and Medhi.
“Um, what? Are you mad or something?”
“I’m not mad, exactly…but this totally isn’t cool. I wanted to be the one to cheer Masato up! But you did it before I could, and that’s so unfair!”
“So you’re just not happy…”
“Are you showing me how close you are all out of spite? Because it sure seems like it!”
“Back up. We weren’t trying to do anything like that! We simply gave him the push he needed.”
“Yes. We just had an idea that might work and gave it a shot.”
He wasn’t exactly pleased that they’d killed him on a hunch, but…
…Masato realized he was surrounded by girls who were fighting over him.
“Let me be very clear! I’m Masato’s girlfriend. Remember that!”
“M-Mone?! Don’t be ridiculous! Have you lost your mind?” exclaimed Wise.
“You can do better than him,” said Medhi.
“Whoa, wait, what does that mean?”
Clearly, not all of them were fighting for the same reasons.
But before the conflict could get any worse, there was a knock at the door.
“Geez, more customers? But…it’s already nighttime! We’re closed!”
“Come on in!”
“M-Mom?!”
Mamako was already letting the new customers in.
“’Sup?!”
“Rika! Where are your manners? You’re pushing thirty, and you can’t even greet people properly?”
“I’m still in my twenties! Maybe in my late twenties, but still plenty young!”
A young (according to her) woman and a middle-aged one. Both had similar faces. They were each carrying art supplies; pens, tablets, brushes, paints, et cetera—probably artists.
Since they were here, Masato could hardly ask them to leave. He made sure the girls were getting refreshments ready and led the two women to their seats. He and Mamako sat down opposite each other.
“Hi. Welcome. How can we help—?”
“Ma-kun, introductions first. So nice to meet you. I’m—”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m part of the management staff, so I know all about the two of you.”
“Er… You’re an admin?”
“I’m a character designer, so I don’t really get directly involved in running operations. My name is Rika Suzuya. And this is my mom.”
“Kanako Suzuya. Lovely to meet you both.”
Kanako bowed low. “Rika!” she growled, poking her daughter with one elbow. “R-right…” Rika lowered her head, too.
“Just think of us as you would test players. That’s how our accounts are set up. If we can get right to business…”
“Oh? Go right ahead.”
“We’ve come to the Mom Shop because our relationship has problems. Not anything related to spoiling, mind you. More so—”
“Introduce me to the prince! I wanna marry him!”
Not only was that not related to spoiling, it didn’t even have anything to do with their relationship.
“A prince…every girl’s dream. So much better than a random pretty face. They’re the ultimate man—heart, mind, and body. Styled to perfection, refined manners, and a sweet voice calling my name… Oh, it really gets me. Just imagining my perfect prince pushes me over the edge! Ahhhh!”
One minute Rika was doing an impressive (for her age) dreamy teen routine, then the next her eyes opened wide and she threw her whole self into a desperate plea.
“So anyway, introduce me to him! The prince came here, right?! You know him?!”
“Um…would you please leave?”
“Absolutely not! I’m not leaving here until I’m hitched to a prince! You may not be up to it, Masato, but I’m sure Mamako can make it happen! Bring that prince here! C’mon! C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!”
“I’m getting pretty annoyed, so please leave. I meant it. Scram.”
“S-sorry! My daughter is a handful, and I must apologize for her. I’ll explain things from the top. Rika! You be quiet.”
“Hnggg…!”
Kanako grabbed her daughter by the nape of her neck, explaining.
“My daughter has been into princes since she was a kid and spends all her free time drawing pictures of them…and she got good enough at drawing that she became a professional illustrator and got hired to work on this game.”
“Are you the one who designed the prince of Catharn, Rika?”
“I can’t really brag about it too loud, but YES! I took all my ideals, and the prince just exploded out of me! Soooo gooood!”
“And the reason she can’t brag about it as loud as she just did is because she basically blackmailed her boss into letting her design him.”
“I just promised not to sue him for power harassment in a very pleasant voice! Totally legal!”
“And then, once the prince was actually implemented in the game, he insisted she had to meet him face-to-face…and ran to the person who approves those things, forcing them to put her application through.
Since you can only play this game in parent/child pairs, I got dragged into this…”
“And now you’re here, huh? You certainly know how to get your way.”
“My love for the prince knows no bounds! A little professional misconduct is totally acceptable in the name of love! I mean, there are people doing way worse things…”
Rika glanced behind the counter, where Porta was busy stealing snacks. “…Huh?” Porta clearly had no idea why a glance had been directed her way—super-adorable.
“Also! We’re definitely a family with a problem that needs fixing! We’re on the verge of collapse! So it’s totally right that we are allowed in.”
“So what is this problem?”
“I’ve been dreaming about marrying a prince since I was a little girl. It’s so important to me…but Mom says otherwise.”
“I tell her ‘You need to get over this!’ and ‘Get yourself a normal human boyfriend if you ever want to get married.’ I’ve lost track of how many times! But does she ever listen?!”
“See! She’s impossible! What kind of parent fails to support their child’s dreams? I have no choice but to cut her loose for good! So, Masato?”
Rika pulled out the fake Mom Shop flyer, grinning.
“To save our bond and to keep Mamako as your mother, you’re gonna hook me up with that prince!”
“Honestly, you seem like a real pain in the ass, so I’d love to just say no…”
“Oh, I just had an idea! I could use my power as a character designer to cover all your equipment in adorable illustrations of Mamako! You’d be the most embarrassing hero ever!”
“You’re downright evil!! F-fine! We’ll do it! We’ll do whatever you want, just don’t ever make that design change!”
This threat was far too fearsome to ignore. Masato was forced to accept her request.
The next day, the party left the Mom Shop in the hands of Mone and the Suzuyas and headed to the castle.
“The first non-spoiling-related actual job we get, and it’s this crap… I’m tired already.”
“I cringed hard when she started screaming ‘Introduce me to the prince!’ She’s waaaaay too into that idea.”
“She’s less a woman in love than a starving beast.”
“I think she just loves princes that much! But he is a prince, so this won’t be easy!”
“Right… No idea how this will turn out, but it certainly can’t hurt to ask.”
They reached the castle gates.
The guards on duty fixed them with stern glares.
“The first barrier. They don’t let any old adventurer through. Mom’s apparently world-famous now, but that won’t be enough to—”
“Oh! Is that Mamako Oosuki?!”
“Definitely her! The victor of the World Matriarchal Arts Tournament, the mother to beat all mothers, Mamako Oosuki! It’s an honor to meet you! Please, go on through!”
“Why, thank you!”
“They didn’t even ask for ID!”
That was way too easy. “Can you sign my armor?” “Me too!” “Is that good enough?” They were actually there a while, but eventually, the party found themselves inside.
Walls covered in statues and paintings, polished floors, ceilings soaring high above. The splendor of the entrance hall silenced them all for a moment.
“W-well, we managed to get inside… Now for the next problem: He’s a prince. It’s gonna be tough to get an audience with the guy.”
“Shouldn’t it be super-easy, though? Masato, just ask.”
“You already tripped the flag.”
“Masato, it’s up to you!”
“No, no, it’ll never happen. I don’t care what you say… This won’t be something where the prince would happen to walk by, see Mom, and come dashing over to—”
“Oh, if it isn’t Mamako! And Masato and everyone else! It’s been ages!”
“Oh, Your Highness!”
“Seriously?! He just walked by?! What the…? Do I have some sort of secret skill, or—?”
Had Masato developed a previously undetected Flag Craftsman skill? Seemed unlikely.
In came Prince Prince of Catharn, elegant garb fluttering, his running form flawless.
“Welcome, everyone! I’m so pleased to see you all!”
“Thanks. Uh, Your Highness. Pardon the intrusion, but…”
“Could we ask you a personal question?”
“Go right ahead! What is it?”
“Are you, like, married?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Are you seeing anyone? Any fiancées, perhaps?”
“Nothing like that, no.”
He appeared entirely unperturbed by this line of questioning…
“Um, is there anyone you like?”
“Am I in love, you mean? …Well…um…no.”
Porta’s question alone got to him. He denied it in a very small voice, staring awkwardly at the floor.
What did that mean?
That definitely seems like he has someone in mind…
But did he? This really wasn’t Masato’s field of expertise, so he decided to withhold judgment.
“Point is, that’s what we’re here to talk about. We’ve got someone who really wants to be matched with you, so we were hoping you’d agree to meet her.”
“I—I see… You’re bringing me a proposal, then? Can you tell me about the woman in question?”
“She’s one of this game’s character designers… Sheesh, that feels really weird to say to a character in the game. Anyway, she really wants to meet you. She wants to so badly that she forced her way into the game.”
“A character designer… Hmm…”
That seemed to give him food for thought. The prince frowned, thinking.
It was best to keep things light here. Better not to mention that she’d actually designed the prince himself. That would just complicate matters.
“I think it would be worth at least meeting her once, but what do you say?”
“Well…since you’ve all been such a great help to me, and she seems very keen on the idea…I suppose meeting her wouldn’t… Oh no, wait a moment.”
“Is there a problem?” asked Mamako.
“I don’t know what my mother would say. My mother is the queen, and without her approval, I could hardly agree.”
“Then we’ll just have to ask Her Majesty! …Masato, you’re up.”
“Go raise another flag.”
“Masato! You can do it!”
“Heh… Watch and weep. Ahem. Uh, there’s no way the queen would just happen to walk by and see us here! I mean, she’s the queen!”
…She didn’t walk by.
They stood there for a very long time.
“Huh.”
“Your phrasing was all wrong,” said Wise.
Medhi agreed. “You shouldn’t have said ‘us.’ You should have said ‘Mamako.’”
“No, no, that can’t be it! That would just mean this was Mom’s power! And that can’t be true. The queen wouldn’t just spy on my mom, and—”
“Oh, Mamako! And your children. Good day.”
“Her Majesty is here!” exclaimed Porta.
“Oh my! Am I intruding?”
She’d really come. Queen Queen of Catharn, in a gorgeous dress, making a beeline for Mamako.
Masato curled up on the floor, sobbing.
As a result of their success the other day, Masato’s party was received as friends. No stiff ceremonies, no audience chambers—they were invited into the castle gardens.
Elegant tea and treats were served, and they got down to business.
“So she’d like to meet the prince with an eye toward marriage?” A cloud passed over the queen’s face.
“I-I’m sorry, I know this is very sudden.”
“Yes…it certainly has taken me by surprise. I suppose the immediate problem is that she’s neither royalty nor of noble birth, but a commoner.”
“Is that entirely out of the question?”
“Perhaps this is difficult for you to understand…but living with these ancient traditions is the fate of the royal family. No matter how silly they may seem, they cannot be easily altered. So…”
“Mother, if I may.”
Seeing his mother about to put her foot down, the prince rose to his feet.
He moved around behind her, giving her a piggyback hug. A rather tight one.
“Oh my! Your Highness! In front of everyone? You’re such a mama’s boy.”
“Hee-hee. You two are so close!”
“See, Masato? You can’t let them win!”
“This is your chance to show the true power of the Hero Family!”
“Go for it, Masato!”
“Right, in that case… Like hell I will!”
“Aw, what a shame. But that’s okay! You let me spoil you so much working at the Mom Shop yesterday, my spoil tank is completely full!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t bring it up. Focus!”
The prince was trying to make a point. But the queen had taken control again.
“No use trying to curry favor with a little spoiling, dear. The rules are the rules, and this cannot be.”
“Alas, I am shot down. But, Mother, at least consider it. I was just thinking it was time I settled down. I would love to at least meet her. With your permission, of course.”
“I am delighted to hear your desire to get married, but…”
“Then, please.”
The prince tightened his embrace.
“Still…” The queen remained unmoved.
If they couldn’t get past her guard, the conversation would end here.
But then…
“Huh? Masato, the tea is nasty sweet all of a sudden!”
“Hey, Wise, I’m truly amazed you’re just drinking tea at a moment like this, but seriously, read the room. Who cares if the tea is suddenly… Oh, weird, it really is horribly sweet.”
He’d taken a sip himself, and Wise was right. It was unpleasantly cloying. But a moment before, there’d been no sugar in it at all.
Something that wasn’t sweet, suddenly spoiled… Wait, no!
When the accumulated effect of spoiling her child hit her upper limits, Mamako had a terrifying skill that would spoil everything around her—A Mother’s Spoiling.
The effects were astonishing. They could alter the outcome of a bet, change the difficulty of a dungeon, and spoil just about anything.
And Mamako had just said her tank was full.
“Worth a shot… Uh, Mom, can we get a word from you on this matter?”
“Yes. Your Majesty—consider this a request from me.”
“I can’t refuse any request from you, Mamako. Very well.”
“That was way too easy!”
The queen’s guard had been instantly spoiled, and the conversation moved to the next stage.
“That skill is broken.”
“Huh? Did something break?”
Having a mother who could unconsciously alter anything around her was certainly handy, but for her son, it was also somewhat upsetting.
Anyway, the queen was on board. She nodded and proclaimed, “Then, how about this? Tomorrow, we as a nation will hold a grand-scale courtship ball.”
“A courtship ball?”
“Regardless of rank, anyone can participate. Including the prince and the woman you wish for him to meet.”
“And if they form a connection, you’ll allow them to marry? Regardless of her status?”
“I can only hope the prince finds himself a woman of noble birth instead, but even if that is not the case, I promise I will allow it. That is the only concession I can offer. Will that be good enough for you, Mamako?”
“Certainly. I think it’s a lovely idea. Let’s do that!”
“Then that settles it. A courtship ball it will be!”
Everyone was on board. Masato wasn’t sure about this…
…but it was at least a step toward solving this threat of their client’s request.
One word from the queen, and her ministers gathered, discussing what must be done to hold this ball. With nothing to offer, Masato’s party focused on devouring the really fancy treats the royal family provided.
But others were watching. Hiding in the castle gardens were Amante and Sorella.
“…Tch. Looks like they settled things. We didn’t even get a chance to interrupt.”
“If only the queen had turned her dooown. What nooow?”
“We have no choice but to attack the ball and ruin— No, that won’t work. The only way Mamako Oosuki loses is if the courtship ball happens, but she still fails the request.”
“Theeen…we’ll have to join the baaaall. Let’s goooo.”
Exchanging malicious grins, they began plotting their secret scheme.
Back at the shop, the party gave Rika a progress update.
“I knew I was right to ask you! Thanks! I couldn’t be more pumped!”
“The rest is totally up to you.”
“Huh? How so? You all have to back me up here. I mean…”
Uh-oh.
“A common girl desperate to meet a prince…all dressed up, heart beating fast, headed to the ball…but then she’s surrounded by duplicitous noblewomen! Her path blocked, she is tormented, unable to even get near the prince! Alas! A love like a fresh bouquet, doomed to wither away unsated!”
Rika was getting increasingly theatrical.
Then she turned and slapped Masato on the shoulder.
“That’s how all the prince routes go in Otome games! So I’ll need you running interference.”
“Huh? Interference? Er, no, I really think those difficulties are up to you to—”
“You get through these scenes by getting someone to help you. That’s the key to clearing them! You know it.”
“That might work in games, but…”
“We’re in a game.”
“Oh, right.”
“Then you’re in, yes?”
“Uh…okay.”
She’d battered him down.
The Mom Shop closed for the day, and the party was moving through the evening streets.
They were headed for a boutique that sold ball gowns.
“There it is! The gown that’ll claim the prince’s heart! It’s miiiiiine!” She charged in.
“Wait, Rika! …Argh, I’m so sorry. I’ll go stop her!”
Rika had burst into the shop, all fired up, and Kanako was forced to give chase.
The rest of the group could only watch, amazed.
“So…I’ve been thinking…”
“She’ll be just fine! Nothing wrong with being motivated. Hee-hee.”
“And once she’s in front of the prince, you just know she’ll go all quiet and meek.”
“Ugh, I hate that! That sounds more like something you’d do, Medhi.”
“Heh-heh-heh. Wise, let’s go talk in that shadowy corner.” There was a low rumbling sound.
“Eek! Medhi! Your dark power is overflowing! Bottle it up!” cried Porta.
Some things never changed.
“Come on, Masato! We’re going in!”
“Yikes?!”
Mone had grabbed Masato’s arm, rubbing her cheek against it. “Stop that!” “You know you like it!” It was soft and ticklish, and all the nerves in his arm were screaming.
“Let’s go pick a gown!”
“No, no, we don’t need any! We’re just backup!”
“But to be backup, we need to be on the ballroom floor! We’ve got to dress for the occasion. If we went in our usual clothes, we’d be kicked out!”
“You…think so?”
“Totally! So gowns for everyone! I’m going to pick out an adorable gown that will make your heart skip a beat, Masato. You’ll be so into me that you’ll forget all about your little red and white friends.”
Mone glared at Wise and Medhi.
Neither seemed terribly pleased to be reduced to the primary colors they wore.
“Masato’s heart, huh?”
“You want him so into you that he’ll forget us?”
“Hmm? Wait, wait… Are you two getting competitive here?”
“Mone! Snap out of it!”
“This is Masato you’re talking about! You can do so much better!”
Both girls had gone white as a sheet, seemingly super-concerned about Mone’s well-being. “Can I just punch you both yet?” With friends like these…
But just for a moment, the merest fraction of a second…
…both pairs of eyes glanced his way.
Just a peek.
“…Sigh, fine. He’s hardly my type, but I’m not about to let a challenge go unanswered.”
“A formal ball held on behalf of the realm. Of course we should look our best! I hardly want to be considered uncultured. This is a challenge any woman would be forced to accept.”
“Yeah, my point exactly! So we’re picking gowns, too. And so is Porta.”
“Yes! I would love to wear a cute dress!”
“Then it’s settled. Time for a courtship showdown!”
Mone, Wise, Medhi, and Porta—all were clearly taking this seriously.
So the first to step forward was…
“Who will thrill Ma-kun the most? It’s a dress-picking contest!”
““““Yeah!””””
“No, wait! Why is Mom the most into this?!”
But Mamako was already inside the boutique.
Everywhere he looked, there were women’s clothes. All pretty pricey. Formal suits and gowns. But this was a shop specializing in high-end women’s apparel, so what else would they sell?
And all the customers were women, too. News of the courtship ball had already spread throughout the land. Women of all ages were here: groups of friends, ladies with their maids—the place was packed.
There was only one male here: Masato.
“Yeah, I figured… People going to a courtship ball aren’t exactly likely to have men with them, are they?”
The looks he was getting were distinctly uncomfortable. Every glance said “Why is he here?” He was ready to bolt.
Mamako and the girls had fanned out across the shop, searching for their ideal gown. “Ma-kun! Mommy’s right over here!” She kept beckoning to him, but he was pointedly ignoring her.
Masato settled down on a bench by one wall, waiting quietly.
“Sigh… Can I just leave? Go home?”
“That is certainly a pathetic statement. The true test of any man is to put up with women’s shopping without complaint.”
“I know that, but it’s asking a lot someti— Er…”
He looked toward the voice.
Shiraaase was sitting there, in full nun garb.
“Augh! Where’d you scuttle out from?!”
“I’m hardly an insect! I was here long before you arrived.”
“Y-you were? So you’d already spawned?”
“If you insist on treating me like an insect, then very well. I am but a bug…”
Shiraaase reached out her hand, put her fingertips on Masato’s thigh, and began walking them around on it. “Eeeeek?!” He shuddered. This was as bad a sensation as anything not R-rated could be!
“Heh-heh-heh. How does it feel, having a friendly bug mother toying with you?”
“I’m so sorry! I should never have mouthed off to you! Please, show mercy!”
“Then, I will. This seems like a good opportunity for an update. First, about this…”
Shiraaase produced the fake Mom Shop flyer.
“Oh, that. Amante and Sorella, right?”
“Our investigation suggests they designed, printed, and distributed it entirely by themselves.”
“Demonstrating some entirely unnecessary skills and dedication.”
“We believe they are still lurking somewhere within Catharn…but for various reasons, operations have temporarily suspended the search for them.”
“What reasons?”
“Look over there.”
He followed her gaze and saw a woman perusing the gowns intently.
She wore a black dress and looked exactly like Mamako.
“Um… Is that Hahako?”
“Yes. Hahako is here. She suddenly appeared in the Catharn capital, and we’ve been forced to ramp up our monitoring of her.”
“What brings her here? What’s she after?”
“Well…just listen closely.”
Hahako was muttering under her breath:
“I’ve got to pick an outfit that will make people say ‘Can I please be your child?’ Which of these will do that…?”
Hoo boy.
“…A ball is certainly a place to meet others, but not usually for that.”
“But it does appear she has learned that children are not something you can acquire by force. The events of the World Matriarchal Arts Tournament appear to have been a net positive.”
“So she’ll learn from her failures again this time?”
“We hope so. But at the same time, we can’t risk just leaving her to it…”
“You’re in charge of her, right? And that leaves the two Four Heavenly Kings to us.”
“I’m so pleased you understand. Oh, speak of the devil. Look over there…”
“You’re kidding!” Masato hastily scanned the shop. “…They’re not here, are they?”
“No. Showing up here to pick out gowns would be far too stupid.”
“Yeah. They’re really dumb, but not quite that dumb. Ha-ha-ha.”
Then…
“Masato! Over here! Let us know what you think!” Mone was calling for him. Her voice was mercilessly loud.
Every eye in the shop piercing his skin, Masato jumped to his feet.
“Argh! Now everyone’s looking at me! Damn her… Sorry, Shiraaase! I gotta deal with this.”
“Your value as a man is being tested! I wish you luck in battle.”
“I wish this was just a normal battle, but noooo! Later!”
Mone’s voice had come from the back—where the changing rooms were.
When Masato came running up…
“Oh, you’re here! Where’d you go? Come on!”
“Right! That battle commences!”
“Which of us will make Masato’s heart beat the fastest?!”
“I’m in! I’ll try my best, too!”
Lined up in their respective changing rooms were Mone, Wise, Medhi, and Porta—only their faces poking out.
“What? Wise, Medhi… You guys acted like you didn’t care, but you seem real fired up now!”
“Yeah, well…once you get the dress on, it’s hard not to.”
“I have always enjoyed dressing up. Any woman would.”
“Who’s going to start?”
“Nope, nope! I’m the first at bat! …Ta-daa!”
Mone flung open the curtains and leaped out, wearing…
…a cute, frilly, sweet dress, perfect for jumping into the arms of loved ones.
Any man would open his arms, sweep her up in a hug, and spoil her rotten!
“Well, Masato? What do you think?”
“Uh…it’s okay, I guess.”
“Never say ‘I guess’! It makes it sound like you don’t mean it!”
“Mone definitely didn’t set his heart all aflutter, so she’s already out. I’m up next!”
Now it was Wise’s turn. The high-school Sage sailed out with great confidence, wearing…
…a passionate red dress, just a bit too mature for her.
Like something a femme fatale would wear—the kind of woman whose advances no man could resist.
“C’mon, Masato! Go ahead, say something! Go on! Go on!”
“Hmm… It’s very red.”
“J-just the color?! That’s all you’ve got?!”
“It seems Wise has been shot down, too. Time for the real deal.”
Medhi emerged with a relaxed smile.
A pure-white dress of a simple yet detailed design—very ladylike.
An unblemished flower, blooming where all could see!
“Come, Masato. I await your top-tier compliments.”
“…Daifuku.”
“Huh? Wh-what does that even mean?!”
“White on the outside but filled with something dark. First thing that came to mind.”
“Some thoughts you should just keep to yourself! Do you even remember you’re commenting on our dresses?!”
“Um… Can I come out now?”
While Medhi was reeling in horror, Porta emerged wearing…
…a little princess dress with lots of frills. Even the shoulder bag was cute.
Anyone who saw it would say the same thing: Must protect!
“Wow! Perfect, Porta! That’s super-cute! You’re like a real princess!”
“Th-thanks!”
Masato had unwittingly picked Porta up and spun her around him. “My princess is so cute!” “Eeeek!” Like a doting father playing with his daughter.
Meanwhile, the losers…
“Argh! He’s really into that one!”
“But it doesn’t count as making his heart race. He just thinks she’s cute.”
“Th-that means this battle is a tie! Everyone agree?”
“Y-yeah, sounds good to me.”
“Right. This never happened.”
The girls almost wrapped it up, when…
“Oh, Ma-kun! Are you there? Do you have a moment?”
…Mamako’s voice emerged from a nearby changing room.
Wise’s, Medhi’s, and Mone’s brows all furrowed in unison, their gazes fixed intently on Masato.
“…Um, Masato.”
“Just to be sure, here…”
“…Your mother won’t get your heart racing, right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous! There’s no way! Just you watch!”
Masato put Porta down and moved over to the dressing room.
He took a deep breath. Stay frosty.
“Hey, Mom, it’s me. What is it?”
“Oh, Ma-kun! There you are. I just wanted you to see this!”
The curtains opened, and Mamako emerged.
She was clad in a sexy evening gown, skintight, as elegant as it was gorgeous.
Her beauty so flawless even Aphrodite herself would kick off her shoes and run for it!
But to Masato, she was just his mom. No heart racing here.
“Um… Well, as your son, I’d prefer something a little less revealing, but…good enough. Not weird, at least.”
“Oh? Then I guess I’ll keep it… But it’s a little hard to get on. I just can’t reach the back! …Oops!”
Mamako had twisted to reach the back, and the moment she did, her chest shifted. “Hell noooo!” Masato instantly grabbed the dress, keeping things from popping free. Safe!
“Th-that was close! My heart’s racing so fast it almost leaped out of my chest!”
“““Ugh, I knew it.”””
“Not like thaaaaat! That’s not what I meaaaant! …Look, Mom, you’re done, right? Change back!”
He shoved his mother back into the dressing room and breathed a sigh of relief.
Porta had gone back in the dressing room, too. No problems there.
Just three teenage girls all glaring at him.
He shouldn’t have to do this, but…
“Uh, Mone.”
“Mm? What?”
“That frilly dress really is perfect for you. I don’t really know how to give compliments like this, so…that’s the best I can manage.”
“Oh… N-no, that’s… Thank you.”
“Wise, your dress isn’t bad, either. Red’s definitely your color. And the cut of it’s right for you—down to the way it’s trying to be a little older than you are.”
“Er… Oh, uh…thanks…”
“Medhi, too. Your body language is always graceful, so I think it’s the right choice to wear something simple like that rather than try too hard with something flashier. It brings out the best in you.”
“Th-that’s really nice of you… Thank you.”
He’d been hoping not to have to say all that, but there you are.
Mone, Wise, and Medhi were all left staring at him, mouths half open.
“Um. What’s with the staring?”
“W-well…”
“Just… I dunno, we really didn’t expect that. My brain just, like, short-circuited…”
“I’m at a loss for what to do next.”
“Come on; it’s not that hard! If you’ve picked a dress, change back into your normal clothes, buy the dress, and let’s go home! Keep it moving; one, two!”
He clapped his hands, and the three of them went back into their changing rooms. “Ugh, what the heck?” First they were demanding, then mean, then all suddenly flabbergasted. A real piece of work, these girls.
“Whatever. At least we’re done shopping now… Shiraaase left the Heavenly Kings to us, but they won’t be here… We can just relax and go home!”
He stretched, feeling free.
And then his eyes met theirs.
Two faces poking out of the changing rooms opposite, staring at Masato.
A fierce-looking girl with a ponytail and a woman with languid, sinister eyes.
“…Um.”
They gave Masato a long stare, then looked around, then gave Masato another long stare.
“Wha—?! Amante?! Sorella?! What are you…?!”
Instantly, Amante shot out of the changing room. “Mmph?!” She grabbed a fistful of Masato’s shirt and dragged him in with her.
It was very cramped. The two Heavenly Kings were right in front of Masato, crammed in like sardines…and both in their underwear.
His heart was really racing now, for more than one reason. Definitely the fastest rate he’d hit that day.
“Hey?! Th-there are so many problems here, but first—!”
“We’re in our underwear, but never mind that! You already saw me wearing a bath towel at the Mom Guild! I got over it then.”
“I never cared in the first plaaace. It’s only youuuu. Who caaaares.”
“Some things should just be unacceptable! All I’m asking is that you treat me like a man—or at least an enemy!”
“If you obey our instructions, we won’t attack. We might have it out for Mamako Oosuki, Wise the Sage, and Medhi the Cleric, but we don’t really consider you a threat.”
“Masatoooo…you just aren’t dangerouuus. But don’t wooorry. We just have a few questioooons.”
“…Sniff.”
The Hero deemed neither man nor enemy allowed a tear to roll down his cheek.
But at least as long as he did what he was told, his life wasn’t in immediate danger.
But if he cried out, and the others came running and rescued him from a pair of underwear-clad girls…he could say good-bye to his last shred of dignity. He had to avoid that at any cost.
It was safer to do as he was told. Masato nodded, acquiescing, and Amante released him.
“…What is it you want to ask?”
“Ha! Only one thing it could be.”
“You seeee… It’s these gooowns.”
Amante and Sorella both grinned.
They held up a pair of dresses, one tiger-striped, and the other featuring a bone motif.
“Well? Does this seem right for me?”
“Can I get an honest male perspectiiiive?”
“How should I know?! Wear whatever you like!” Masato snapped, his voice louder than intended. “Oops…,” he said, realizing it. “You idiot!” “Eeeek!” Amante and Sorella both grabbed their clothes and ran. They were instantly out of sight.
Masato was out of danger…or not.
“Ma-kun, what’s wrong? I heard yelling!”
Mamako swept in to check on him, the rest of the girls behind her.
Masato was in the changing room of a store exclusively for women, clutching the gowns Amante and Sorella had foisted off on him. How could he explain this one?
“D-do these look good?” he said, holding the gowns up against him.
“Um, I guess? I don’t really know how to compliment a guy in a dress, honestly.”
“Nothing says Masato like tiger print and bones.”
“They really bring out the best in you.”
Mone, Wise, and Medhi each spoke in a flat monotone.
“Er, um, um… I—I like them!” Porta said, a hint of desperation in her voice.
“Hmm…,” pondered Mamako. “But they’re not the right size. I’ll go find one big enough for you, just you wait!”
“No, I was just kidding! Don’t go look! Don’t take this seriously, please!”
All good mothers do their best to accept everything about their beloved sons, but sometimes this just makes things worse.
The next day was the day of the ball.
The girls were all dressed to the nines…and Masato was just as he always was.
“Wait… Why isn’t Masato wearing a gown?! Hee-hee.”
“Look, I said that was just a joke! The stupid Heavenly Kings—!”
“Masato, you’re just embarrassing yourself. Stop making excuses.”
“I hate to say it, but blaming the enemy? It’s unbecoming for a Hero.”
“I’m telling the truth! I swear!”
“I promise to believe you if you spoil me a lot!”
“Come on and—no, keep it to a minimum! Everyone’s staring…”
Reeling from the relentless teasing and attempts to grab his arm, Masato somehow made it through the castle gates.
This was where the ball was to take place—a sublime time spent in an elegant location, perfect for meeting the partner of your dreams… With that in mind, the queen had opened all floors to the public.
The castle was filled with people, both men and women, engaged in conversation. Each doing their best to find the perfect partner.
The guest of honor, Rika, was wearing a dress with a dramatic bare back. She was raring to go. Kanako was with her, wearing a crisp suit: formal yet feminine.
“Here it goes… I can finally court the prince!”
“That’s right. You’ll greet him, apologize for all of this, and then we’ll go right home.”
“Mom?! Don’t say that, even as a joke!”
“Of course. I wasn’t joking. I meant every word. Sorry.”
“Argh! You just be quiet, Mom! This is my ball!”
Kanako was as unenthused as Rika was wildly enthusiastic, and they headed in, bickering away.
Masato’s party followed awkwardly.
“…Kanako’s dead set against this, huh?”
“Yeah. As a mother, she must have plenty of concerns.”
“I guess I have trouble seeing her perspective…but it definitely is starting to feel like Kanako’s going to be the biggest obstacle in solving this problem.”
“Oh? Mommy thinks Kanako will be the key to making this all work out!”
“Let’s hope you’re right… Mm?”
Rika had suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, carefully scanning the crowd around her.
“I don’t see the prince anywhere… He must be somewhere else.”
“You simply weren’t destined to meet! Time to leave—”
“We are not leaving! Shut up, Mom!”
“Should we summon him for you? Mamako can hoist that flag anytime.”
“She can?! Then… No, we’d better not. Him appearing now would be unwise.”
“Is there a problem?”
“If the prince appears, he’ll be swarmed by other girls. We won’t have a chance to talk in peace. So first…I need to destroy all these other girls!”
“Uh… This is a ball.”
“Exactly! And what is a ball but a battlefield where you lay your life on the line?! A battle to the death over who snags the prince and who has him snatched away! That’s why…”
But even as Rika got fired up…
“My, my, what a barbarian. Tee-hee.”
“This is why I cannot abide commoners. Tee-hee.”
“Thinks she’s going to snag the prince—has she not seen her own face in a mirror? Tee-hee.”
Three ladies appeared, each in a jewel-encrusted nouveau riche dress—one gold, one silver, and one bronze.
Rika steeled herself.
“Heh… Here they are… Brace yourselves for combat!”
“Okay, but…how exactly should we do that?”
“Just do as I tell you! First… Wise! Walk past those three!”
“Huh? I’m up? Fine, whatever. Here goes nothing…”
Wise walked right past the three ladies. Just walking normally.
But as she did, she suddenly tripped. “Wha—? Augh?!” She fell flat on her face, exposing the fancy red panties she’d acquired just for the occasion.
The lady in the gold dress sneered down at her. “Oh dear… Tripping over nothing? What is wrong with you? Tee-hee.”
It had definitely looked like Wise had tripped herself up for no reason…
But the truth did not escape Porta’s eagle eyes.
“Masato! I saw it! The gold lady quickly stuck her foot out and tripped Wise!”
“Wh-what the heck?”
“As I thought… Mean ladies always have a powerful low kick!”
“Yeah, in fighting games!”
“If you knew that, you shouldn’t have sent me into the trap! Argh, now I’m pissed! …Hey, you!”
Wise bounded to her feet, facing down the gold lady.
They glared at each other, standing so close their noses almost touched.
“You think you’re funny, huh? Well, you don’t know nothing.”
“Hmm? What are you talking about?”
“We’ve got someone far meaner than you’ll ever be. Small-fry tactics like yours don’t stand a chance against us!”
Wise grinned and stomped on her opponent’s foot.
“Ow! Wh-what are you doing?!”
“Oh… What do you mean? I’m not doing anything!”
“Tch… If that’s the way you want to play…!”
The lady in the gold dress glanced at the lady in the silver dress. The silver lady quietly stepped forward and tried to kick Wise in the shin.
But as fast as her kick was, Medhi’s foot intercepted it.
“How…?!”
“I have no idea who Wise could be referring to…but she’s right about you ladies being small fries. You don’t even know how to kick properly.”
“Tch… You little—!”
“And your expressions just aren’t cutting it. If you really want to look threatening, do this.”
An ominous aura sprang up around her, followed by a low rumbling.
“Eeeeek?! She’s terrifying! H-help!”
The bronze lady looked around for assistance, but…
“No! I won’t let you leave!”
“Wha—? Hey, let go! Who is this child?!”
…Porta had latched on to her and held her still.
“We’ve got these ladies handled!”
“Masato, Mamako, the rest is up to you! I know you’ll have Rika’s back!”
“Make sure she can meet the prince! I’m cheering for you!”
“Oh…! Thank you, everyone! I’ll never forget your sacrifice! …Come on, Masato! Step over the corpses of your fallen comrades! Onward!”
“Nobody’s died, but sure, let’s go.”
Rika had tears streaming down her face, and Masato was totally not prepared to handle that.
But the battle known as courtship was proceeding to the next stage.
They moved from the entrance farther into the castle. This area was filled with open rooms—ornately decorated reception rooms, parlors where tea was being served, and so on.
The crowds showed no signs of thinning. Some enjoying themselves, some clearly stressing it; couples forming all around. Clearly, good times were being had.
“Is this how courtship usually goes? Still, this is more—”
“Where is my prince?! Where is he?! Grrrrr!!”
“Rikaaa! Calm yourself! Argh, I swear my daughter used to be human! You are far too ravenous!”
“Kanako, her leash is all yours. I couldn’t possibly.”
It was like taking a starving animal for a walk.
Also…
“Where is the prince? Do you know, Masato?” Rub, rub.
“I’m sure he’s around somewhere. And will you stop trying to make me dote on you?”
“Mommy’s own prince is right here! Hee-hee!” Squeeze!
“Yo, Mom! Don’t just grab my arm like that!”
A flower in each hand—or perhaps just a burden—Masato definitely had his hands full. His physical and mental powers were being rapidly drained.
Then…
“…Gasp?! Everyone, on your guard! Prepare for battle!”
“Seriously, this isn’t a fight.”
Masato’s protest was ignored. Rika braced herself.
A pack of elegant men were coming down the hall.
“Wow! Those men are practically sparkling! …Masato, is that what the sons of aristocracy look like?”
“Probably. They’re all handsome, too. Not that it’s a competition, but it still ticks me off!”
“Don’t worry, Ma-kun. You’ll always be the handsomest in Mommy’s eyes. Hee-hee.”
“Yeah, yeah, thanks. Nobody cares what their mom thinks.”
“I think you’re the best, too! Even if you aren’t handsome, I still like you! Hee-hee-hee!”
“The way you subtly slid a diss about my looks in there really ruins the effect, Mone. Either way, we oughta be able to get past this one easily enough. Just pay them no attention.”
“Masato, you fool! This won’t be that easy!”
“Er, it won’t?”
Rika looked even more tense than she had against the mean girls.
But then she started to fidget.
“I mean, if I get surrounded by all these gorgeous men…what’ll I ever do?”
“Uh…”
“I…I’ve got my heart set on the prince! But…but…if they turn the full power of their charm on me…I might get lured into the grasp of any old hunk! Ah! I am a sinful woman!”
“Excuse me, but if I could just be blunt for a moment… Cut the crap, lady!”
By this point, the group of hunks were practically toe-to-toe with them.
“No! No! No matter how lovely I am, my heart is taken! …Oh nooo!”
Their hearts snared, the entire group of men…
…walked straight past Rika and surrounded Mamako.
“What a beautiful young lady! This is love at first sight!”
“Oh my! Young? I’m already a mother!”
“You are?! A mother, with that complexion? That sounds like the rumors of… Gasp! You wouldn’t be Mamako Oosuki, would you?”
“Yes, I am. And this is my son, Ma-kun!”
“Don’t care about him. I knew it was you! It’s an honor to meet you.”
“Nobody cares about your son, but if you wouldn’t mind talking to us more?”
Admiration rained down upon Mamako.
As for Masato… Well, he was used to this.
But Rika was left frozen midwriggle. “Sniff… Right, Masato! Let’s leave this to Mamako and move onward!”
“Uh, sure. I’m, um…sorry?”
“Don’t apologize! That just makes it feel more pathetic! So we’re good!”
Rika was keeping her spirits up through sheer obstinance.
Past that obstacle, they reached the upper floors. Like the lower ones, this was another area with lots of open rooms.
And yet…
“Huh? There’s no one here.”
“Yeah… Is this area off-limits?”
“I don’t think so. There weren’t any signs… So I assume it’s just that no one’s come here yet. Still, weird…”
When Masato and Mone fell silent, the floor grew eerily quiet. Not a single sound anywhere.
An unsettling kind of silence.
“In any RPG, this kind of quiet means something bad’s about to happen… Rika, what do you think?”
“This happens all the time in Otome games. Crowds coincidentally disperse to allow the heroine and the prince to meet.”
“…Is that what this is?”
“Yes. I’m sure of it! We were looking for the prince and found ourselves in a deserted area. We think we’re somewhere we’re not supposed to be and look around anxiously…and oh my! Through the window—the prince of her dreams, standing on the balcony!”
Well, that was certainly some dramatic narration. Masato looked around.
At the end of the hall was a window, and outside, on the balcony, was the prince. He was staring up at the sky.
“Wahhhhhhhhhhh?! He-he’s really theeeeere?! Oh my god, he really iiiiiis!! Aughhhhh! I’m so shocked that I’ve got snot coming out!” Splurt!
“Whoa… Rika broke,” said Mone.
“She was always broken.”
“Rika! Goodness gracious, what ails you?” Kanako pulled out some tissues. “Here, blow.” Her daughter was repaired! A real handful, this girl.
Anyway, fully recovered…
“Th-then… Time for the climax! I can meet my prince!”
“Seems like it,” said Masato. “Just go down the hall, out on the balcony… He’s all yours.”
This was as far as her backup could take her. The rest was up to Rika herself.
But Rika didn’t move. She was stressing so hard she was sweating, her legs locked in place.
“…Rika?”
“R-right, I know… I have to meet the prince, and then…then what?”
“Uh… That’s up to you…”
“Just do this! Watch!” Mone moved away from Masato, then broke into a run, throwing her arms—
“Nope.”
“Huh?!”
Masato dodged with perfect timing, and her attempted embrace whiffed hard.
“Aw, the prince’s dodge skill isn’t that high! You’re supposed to catch me!”
“Oh, sorry. That was a demonstration, huh? I just dodged out of habit.”
“Sniff. Wahhh! You’re so mean, Masato! You won’t ever spoil me! You have to spoil me! If my spoil reserves dry up, my powers…”
“Whoa! Hold it in!”
The power of her cravings activated, drawing everything around Mone toward her.
Not just the people but the flowers, décor, all of it… “Stop! Stoppp!” Masato hastily threw his arms around Mone, letting her snuggle as much as she wanted. It was the only solution.
“There, there. There, there! Nuzzle me all you like! Nuzzle away!”
“Rub, rub! Hee-hee-hee! Spoil quotient obtained!”
“It’s over? Whew… Uh, so basically like that, Rika.”
“No, no, no, no! That’ll never work! I can’t just throw myself at the prince!”
He’d handled Mone, but Rika was still at square one, unable to take the next step. When…
“Then I guess we’re done here. Time to go home!”
Kanako’s tone was extra-strict.
“Huh? No, wait! Mom, what are you saying?”
“I made myself perfectly clear. You’ve seen the characters you designed acting like regular humans. Isn’t that joy enough? Aren’t you satisfied? It’s time to go back to the real world and find a proper human partner—”
“I want to marry my ideal prince, the one I drew myself! Anything else is pointless!”
“You keep saying that, but you can’t even go give the man a simple hello. You’re just standing here fidgeting.”
“Urk… That… Well, I… Uh…”
“No more hemming and hawing. It’s time you gave up. I’m going to rest for a while over there, so when you’re ready to leave, come get me.”
Looking thoroughly annoyed, Kanako retreated into a nearby room.
But a moment later…
“Oh, perfect! There are cakes and tea… Hmm? …Aiiieeeee?!”
“Wha—? …Kanako?!”
“Hey, Mom?! What’s wrong?!”
They ran in the direction of Kanako’s scream.
Inside, they found a pile of bodies—women in ball gowns or maid uniforms. At least ten of them.
“A-are they…are they dead…?!” shouted Kanako.
“Mom, calm down! It’ll be fine! …Right, Masato?”
“They’re all breathing, so they aren’t dead. Everyone’s still alive.”
“Looks like they’re just unconscious… I bet this is the effect of a spell.”
“I see… So this is the RPG route after all…”
“That’s right! The prince’s groupies were in the way, so we cleared ’em out with a spell! But I don’t have to explain that to you!”
“Then why did youuuu, Amanteeee? You really have to stop doing thaaaat.”
Only one enemy helpfully explained everything.
Amante, in a tiger-striped dress, and Sorella, in a bone-patterned gown. They entered the room together.
“I’m surprised to see you dressed like that, but I figured this was you.”
“Well? Do they look good? Feel free to give us your thoughts.”
“Are we making your heart raaaace? Are weee?”
“Sure, definitely… In a bad way.”
The situation was dire.
They were up against two of the Four Heavenly Kings. Amante had no weapons with her, but her physical prowess was off the charts. Sorella could use magic and summon undead monsters.
Meanwhile, on Masato’s side…
“……Mone, can you fight?”
“Erk… Maybe not… I’ve got a special power, but…no actual combat abilities.”
“Okay… Then…”
He glanced at Rika, who shook her head. Kanako was still in a state of shock.
The situation was clearly desperate.
“Don’t even think about it. Just do as we say! …Here!” Amante suddenly tossed a vase at him.
Masato reflexively tried to catch it, but it was shockingly heavy. “Yikes!” Unable to support it, his knees buckled, and he ended up pinned to the floor with a vase on his knees.
“This…is Sorella’s debuff skill? Damn!”
“That’s riiiight! You’re so weak nooow. The vases around here seem expensiiive. Make sure you don’t drop iiiit.”
Amante forced Rika and Kanako to hold a vase as well, pinning them to the spot.
And Mone also.
“You behave, too. Here!”
“Eep! This certainly does look expensive! …I really don’t want to drop it, so I’ll just put it back where it belongs!”
Mone moved over to the wall and put the vase down on a table. Whew!
Huh?
“Uh, Mone? You can move?”
“Sure! Just like always, ah-ha-ha.”
“Whaaaat? H-h-howwww?! Is my debuff skill not woooorking?”
“That doesn’t— Wait, wasn’t she some sort of dark god created as a hidden boss? If she’s actually a monster, does that make her immune to debuffs?”
“I’m not a monster! I’m a frail little girl!”
“You’ve got a special skill but no combat abilities, but you’re immune to debuffs… Everything about you makes no sense.”
“Heyyy! Masato, don’t be mean! You big dummy!”
She started beating her fists against him, which was annoying, but…at least Mone was still mobile.
The two Heavenly Kings were quickly losing their confidence.
“Argh… If Sorella’s skill doesn’t work, this girl could be trouble!”
“It would really suck if Mamako showed uuuup. We’ve got to finish our triiick.”
“Hey, wait! What are you planning?”
“Sheesh, you think just because you ask, we’re gonna tell you about our plans to brainwash the prince so he and the person Mamako Oosuki wants him to meet don’t get along, forcing the Mom Shop to fail a job?”
“You’re a lifesaver, honestly.”
Amante even flashed a dark jewel at him.
Using this item allowed her to control the mind of any NPC.
Crap! What now? I’ve gotta do something about that!
He knew one way.
“Right! …Mone! Listen closely to what I’m about to say!”
“Huh?! O-okay! What is it?”
“From now until forever, you’re not allowed to make me spoil you!”
“Er… Whaaaaat?! Why?! Since when?! You can’t just… If I can’t be spoiled, I’ll… I need spoiling, or else I…”
Masato’s shocking command immediately shattered Mone’s poise.
And it unleashed the power of her cravings, causing a strong gravitational pull. Everything was yanked toward her, crumbling before her, inhaled into her body.
Including the vases holding them down and the dark jewel in Amante’s hand.
“Urgh! This power… Augh! No!”
“It’s been turned to dust and swalloooowed! We only had the ooooone!”
“All right! Now… Uh… Oh crap. I didn’t think of a next step!” The gravitational pull was only getting stronger. Masato was closest—and inches away from being swallowed himself! “Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!” And he didn’t have the strength to escape its pull!
Oh no… I’m gonna die…
These were Hero Masato’s final moments.
What flashed before his eyes? The faces of his comrades, his mother’s smile…
Then he felt a vibration at his feet.
“The ground’s swaying… Oh no! A Mother’s Fangs? Now? Should I be glad or sad?”
A moment later, a crack ran down the floor, and a rock spike shot up between Masato and Mone.
The fang from below forced the crack even wider, the spike growing ever larger, reaching higher and higher…
…and in the hollow at the tip was Mamako, sitting on a handkerchief she’d spread out.
“Ma-kun! It’s your mommy!”
“You can ride this thing now?!”
“It’s just like an elevator! Such a time-saver. Hee-hee!”
“If your means of transport demolishes the building, who’s gonna pay for it?! …But this time, thanks.”
He tried to force the grimace off his face.
First, time to take care of these enemies… “Ack, Mamako Oosuki!” “Retreeeeat!” …Or not. They were already gone. The moment Mamako Oosuki appeared, Amante and Sorella had flung themselves out the window, riding away on Sorella’s gigantic magic tome.
“Damn! …Oh, whatever. We can deal with those idiots later! First…”
They had to do something about the other crisis.
Mone’s gravitational pull was still very active, even causing A Mother’s Fangs to crumble.
The no-spoil rule had been a means of dealing with the Heavenly Kings. Masato hadn’t actually meant it… Well, maybe part of him had.
“I guess I’d better do something about Mone before…”
“Mone, don’t worry. I’ll spoil you all you want!” There, there.
“Oh, really? Yaaay! …Rub, rub. Rub, rub… Oh, Mamako, you certainly are a step or two above the others. The blessing of being spoiled instantly soothes the craving in my heart…”
“My role has already been usurped!”
Mone was satisfied with Mamako’s spoiling. Her powers subsided.
Rika and Kanako were both safe. The unconscious ladies were waking up.
The room itself was a disaster area, but everything else seemed settled.
“Argh… I knew this would happen. Mom solves everything again. Sigh… But all’s well that ends well. Anyway—”
“I heard a horrific noise! What happened?!”
“Gah, what now?!”
The prince had burst into the room, looking beside himself.
“G-good lord… Masato! What happened here?”
“Well…”
Okay, Masato could handle this one. Explaining things to the prince was certainly a boring job but an important—
No, wait, he’d just had an idea.
“Uh, Your Highness. I’m sure she can explain the details.”
Masato pointed at Rika.
“Er… Wha—? Huh? Um… M-me?!”
“That’s right! Go ahead! Go on!”
“No, um, whaaat?! Masato, back up! Why me?!”
“Because this gives you a chance to talk to the prince! I’m not going to stand here and explain everything like that one idiot does.”
“You just did! And I appreciate the attempt, but… No, I’m not ready!”
“If we wait for you to be ready, this will never happen. Go on! Go, go, go!”
“B-but…”
Rika was still hesitant to approach the prince of her dreams.
But then Kanako stepped up beside her.
“Goodness, what are you waiting for? Nerves maketh the woman.”
She straightened out Rika’s clothes and hair and stroked her cheek.
Then she gave her a push.
“You got everyone mixed up in your selfishness. Now’s the time to show us your good side. Go on.”
“Mom…”
Her mother’s no-nonsense encouragement seemed to help. Rika gave a small nod, then a larger one. Then she stepped forward.
Rika stood before the prince.
“N-nice to meet you! My name is Rika Suzuya! I’m a character designer, and I’m participating in this courtship ball as a test player!”
“Rika Suzuya… If you’re a character designer, then you must be the person Mamako wanted to introduce me to.”
“Yes! That’s me! Um… S-so uh…as to what happened here…”
Each time their eyes met, Rika turned red and started sweating, but she stuck to her guns and kept the words flowing.
Watching her, Kanako’s expression was… Well, there was a lot going on there.
“I never meant to help her do this… Why did I do that? I’m certain she’s better off never meeting him, so why?”
“It’s because you’re a mother, I’m sure of it,” Mamako said. “All mothers wish for their children’s happiness.”
Kanako looked surprised, thought about it for a moment—then a look of resignation passed over her face. A slow smile followed—she did look genuinely pleased. It seemed like a fundamental shift in her perspective.
Kanako looked at her daughter again, this time protectively.
Watching over them both, Masato’s party smiled, too.
“It was Kanako who finally made her take that step.”
“I hate to admit that Mom was right, but she was. Perhaps this is a special skill? A Mother’s Push? Seems like the sort of skill moms would have. But I bet my mom will never learn that one…”
“I-I’m sure I could! Mommy will definitely send you off someday—!”
“Nope, never. You’re always the first to run off ahead! Experience has taught me that much.”
“Th-that’s not true! Even Mommy…sometimes…”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Mamako started practicing giving Masato’s back a push, but he ignored her.
“So let’s leave the rest to these young ’uns…”
“Huh? But Masato, you and I are much younger than the prince and Rika,” Mone pointed out.
“…Right.”
Better correct the cliché. Leaving the rest to the old ’uns, the party filed silently out of the room.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login