7
Even knowing that he will regret the decision…
That day was part of a warm spell, with a smattering of rain in the morning. Unlike the other day, it went by peacefully.
School was over, and sleep beckoned. With a big yawn, I was lazily getting ready to go when a loud pitter-patter of footsteps ran up to me.
In keeping with the mood of the past few days, Yuigahama tap-tapped on my shoulder. “Hikki, let’s go!”
The moment we’d left the reception room crossed my mind, and all that came out of me was a sigh. When Yuigahama tilted her head owlishly to silently ask, You’re not going? I quickly understood that was her way of showing concern.
“…Yeah, then let’s go.” I did a long, wide stretch like a cat and slowly got up.
We left the school and headed down the road to the station. Thanks to the morning rain, the two of us were taking the same way back. Yuigahama was quite chipper today, swinging her umbrella, chattering to me about various things as we walked.
“Oh, we talked about baking a cake, right? When I told my mom, she said we could use our place. She actually got pretty excited about it, um, and it was, like, really embarrassing…”
“I dunno if I could go over there… ’Specially after what you just told me…,” I said.
Yuigahama smiled awkwardly, then stuck a hand in her pocket and pulled out her phone. “Hmm, but if it’s your house, then Komachi-chan’ll find out.” Her eyes dropped to her phone. “Huh?” She stopped walking. “…I think the prom is in trouble,” she said, showing me her phone. It displayed a screen from LINE—a “group chat,” I believe. The header read Service Club, with the names “Yukino Yukinoshita” and “Iro-Iro Irohasu.” I could make a lot of jokes about this, but when I saw the most recent message, they all evaporated.
“…The school administration has decided to cancel the prom? What the hell? What happened to that meeting about continuing?”
“Wanna try messaging them to ask?”
“…No, it’s fine. It’s faster to talk to the higher-ups when it comes to this. I’ll make a call.” And with that remark, I took a few steps back from Yuigahama and turned away from her. While I was waiting for the other end to pick up, I glanced over at her to see she was staring gravely at the LINE screen, occasionally shooting me anxious sidelong looks.
I was listening to the call sound with impatience when Miss Hiratsuka’s sigh came from the receiver.
“What’s going on with the prom?” I demanded before she could speak.
After another long sigh, she irritably said, “I’ll give you the full rundown another day. Right now, we’re in the middle of handling it. Once everything’s blown over…”
“How many days do we lose, then? If you wait that long, we won’t be able to recover.”
“There’s not going to be a recovery. Besides, do you even want to help with the prom?”
“A-ahhh, well… If they say down the line that it’s on again, actually, think of all the work we’ll have to do.”
“…I’m not so sure about that. I don’t think that’ll happen.”
There was certainty in her voice, but I instantly rejected that.
Even if the situation was dire now, would Iroha Isshiki give up that easily after digging in so hard? And Yukino Yukinoshita had finally stated her wishes out loud, so she would never let go of it without a fight. She wouldn’t let that happen.
Miss Hiratsuka must have noticed my irritated sigh, as she groaned and gave up. “Guess I can’t keep you in the dark, huh…? Yukinoshita was the one to request that I not tell you it’s been canceled. You can put two and two together. Now that you know, tell me: Do you still have a reason to help with the prom?”
The moment I heard that, the words I’d been meaning to say all left me. I think I even lost my concept of time.
I didn’t come back to earth until Miss Hiratsuka started calling “Heeeey” at me. “We’re on the phone. I can’t know what’s going on if you don’t use your words… I’ll wait.”
When she restated herself in an easy, calm tone, I finally adjusted my hold on the situation. A reason, a reason, a reason.
“The reason is…well, partly it’s just my club, but also, like, we’ve gone too far to turn back.” I was rambling as I quickly searched for the words, but there was no answer from the other end. Just a sigh and nothing after. It was irritating. You get me, don’t you?
“You don’t put these things into words. It’s important—that’s why I don’t say it. I give it adequate consideration, then go through due process so that I don’t screw it up… You’re like that, too, aren’t you?” You didn’t say you were being transferred to another school. Isn’t that important? I almost said. But though I clenched my teeth to keep it back, I could tell it had come out in my voice.
“…Hikigaya, I’m sorry. But I’ll keep waiting until I hear it… Put it into words.”
This was the first time I’d ever heard her apologize so gently, so sadly.
All my reasons had just vanished. Everything I could think of was tied to work or the club or Komachi. Even if I changed the phrasing or the terminology, I realized that everything came down to those.
So even when I tried to say something into the phone, my mouth just changed shape a bunch of times and wouldn’t form words.
All that was left was about us. Saying “because we’re codependent” would be amazingly easy to understand. It would be easy to say that I validated my existence by being relied upon. I could even convince myself of that. But it wasn’t an answer. Codependency is a structure. It’s not feelings. It could be an excuse, yes, but it wouldn’t be a reason for me.
I wrung it all out, considering everything up to that point, exhausting every other option, until all that remained in my heart was regret.
But that was the one thing I didn’t want to say. Because that was the most pathetic reason. But if I didn’t say something, my damn teacher wouldn’t let me get anywhere—or that was the excuse I knew she was letting me use.
So I pressed my forehead, letting her know with a dramatic sigh that I really didn’t want to do this, and said quietly, “…Because I promised that I’d save her someday.”
“Because she asked me” was just too obvious. There was no logic or lyricism in that utterly cliché turn of phrase. I absolutely loathed using it to say I would save her.
“That’s fine… I’ll make the time. Come right away,” Miss Hiratsuka said with satisfaction, then hung up on me.
I put away my phone and returned to Yuigahama, a little ways away. With her eyes, she asked me, How’d it go?
“Sorry I made you wait… I’m going to see Miss Hiratsuka for a bit.” After excusing myself, I said what had been decided and nothing more.
Yuigahama blinked. “Oh really? What’re you going to do?”
“For now, just figure out what’s going on. Honestly, there’s nothing else I can do until I’ve got the facts,” I replied. A pretty hopeless answer.
But Yuigahama cracked a smile. “…Oh. But if you’ll go, I feel like things will work out somehow.” Then she offered a few big nods of approval. As her head moved, a shining drop streaked down her face.
My breath caught.
That startled reaction was enough to draw Yuigahama’s attention to her own eyes, and she immediately wiped her cheek with her fingers. “Huh? Ah! Like, it’s just such a relief. Whew, dunno where that came from…” With a long sigh, she rubbed her fingers together.
She said it like it was obvious, so I tried not to be too shaken. “No, I’m the one who’s surprised… Are you okay? Want me to walk you home?”
“Huh? Oh, I’m good, I’m good! It’s fine. Happens all the time with girls.” Pulling the sleeve of her cardigan over her hand, she dabbed at her eyes, then fiddled with her bun bashfully. “I just had no idea about anything, so…like, just that one tiny thing really is a relief. Actually, like…I feel okay now.”
Well, she had seemed really serious when she checked LINE earlier. When you’re really tense and then it all comes unwound, maybe you do get like that.
As I was staring at Yuigahama’s face, her lips broke into a smile. “Don’t be so dramatic. You can go, Hikki. Once I get home, I’ll keep an eye on the LINE chat. If something happens, I’ll let you know.” She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and waved her phone, communicating her intention to go home.
“O-okay. Thanks. Then I’m heading off now. See you tomorrow. Take care on your way home.”
“Oh, I live just around the corner anyway,” she said, slowly waving her hand, and I started walking off at a similarly slow tempo.
After taking a few steps forward, I felt the urge to look back, but Yuigahama wasn’t there anymore.
I let out a big breath and started running as fast as I could.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login