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BT

Bonus track! “Like, This Sort of Birthday Song.”

This bonus track is a prose adaptation of the drama CD that came packaged with the My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected, Vol. 3 special edition copy. This script details an episode that occurs soon after the events of Volume 3. We recommend you listen to it after you have finished reading this book. Also, please understand in advance that, as the text has been revised, some parts do differ slightly from the vocal track.

Birthdays.

On one of these auspicious days, I was delivered into the world, and on many others, traumas were delivered into my life. Birthday parties where I was the only one not invited, for example. Times when my classmates singing the birthday song touched my heart because I believed it was for me, and then it turned out to be for someone else with the same birth date. Birthday cakes that misspelled my name… Oh, and about that last one—what the hell was my mom doing? Don’t get your own son’s name wrong.

Perhaps the reason babies cry upon being born is not from the emotions of their nascent existence, but because they are experiencing loneliness for the first time after being separated from their mothers. Thus, loneliness begins with one’s birthday.

As a wise man once said, never forget what it was to be new. Therefore, spending your birthday alone is the correct course of action, and frittering the day away chumming it up with friends is wrong…though the desire to celebrate someone isn’t, I think.

One day, I was going down the hallway of the special building. A few meters ahead of me, I caught sight of a student of mine humming contentedly as she walked along. Her name was Yui Yuigahama. She’s a generally cheerful girl, but that day she seemed to be in an especially good mood.

“Hmm, hmm, hummm!  ”

“Hey there, Yuigahama,” I called out to her. “You sure look chipper today. Something nice must have happened for you to hum like that in the hallway.”

She came to a stop and replied with a warm smile, “Oh, Miss Hiratsuka. Well, it’s my birthday today. And I think Yukinon is gonna throw me a…birthday party? Or something.”

A birthday…? Yes, at that age, they’re still enjoyable, but at mine…whoops, strike that. Anyway, it would be fun for her, so she should have a proper celebration. Once she reaches my age, she might not be able to accept those “happy birthday” wishes quite as graciously.

“Oh-ho, so today’s your birthday, huh? Happy birthday. I’m glad you’re getting along so well. I’m pleased to see how much Yukinoshita’s grown as a person, but on the other hand…agh.” Without warning, the face of another student rose to mind.

I suppose Yuigahama was thinking along the same lines I was, as the corner of her mouth quirked upward as if she didn’t know how to respond. “…Yeah. W-well, Hikki’s like…um, he’s generally pretty crappy, but he can be nice on occasion and, like…give people presents…and stuff.”

When I saw her reaction, my face relaxed into a smile. “Oh? I never brought up Hikigaya’s name at all, though.”

“What?! No way! Was that a trick question?!” Yuigahama floundered in surprise. But it wasn’t.

“If you must classify it, I’d call it a leading question. But never mind that. You’re someone I can count on when it comes to those two. They’re a hassle, but be a good friend to them.” Hmm. Did I just say something rather teacher-like? I thought to myself, and Yuigahama herself seemed stunned for a moment.

She blurted out her simple and naive impression. “S-sure… Miss Hiratsuka, you kind of remind me of my mom.”

“Gwagh! I-I’m not old enough to be your mother…though…” Instantly, a blow like a blunt weapon struck my heart. Struggling to keep my legs steady, I grinned back at her.

Flustered, Yuigahama continued. “O-oh, n-no! I didn’t mean it that way! It’s more like…you’re…mom-ish? Like a mom, not my mom, specifically. You’ll be a good mother, Miss Hiratsuka! If you just get married!”

Wheeze. “Ngh! It hurts all the more because I know you’re not trying to…” When confronted with iaijutsu, drawing and attacking in a single motion, the moment right after the strike is when you’re most vulnerable. That means that if I hadn’t read in Rurouni Kenshin that one must always prepare for the follow-up, I would have failed to react in time and collapsed from the shock just now. But it was okay. She was essentially complimenting me. I could still go on. It’s not time to give up just yet! Go, Shizuka!

While I was busy cheerleading myself, Yuigahama spoke up, as if she’d just thought of something. “Oh, I know! Why don’t you come to the party, too, Miss Hiratsuka?”

“Hmm. While I appreciate the offer, I’ll have to sit this one out. I have another get-together today.”

“Are you going to a birthday party, too?”

“N-no, not exactly… I’ll die before I tell her I’m going to a matchmaking event.” …Let’s change the subject before she asks me what kind of get-together it is. “Anyway, should the birthday girl be hanging around here? Aren’t they all waiting for you?”

“Oh, right! See you later, then!” she chirped.

“See you. Have fun.” I watched her dash off and then looked out the window to the sky slowly darkening overhead. “…Agh, I want to get married.”

Yukinoshita and I were reading together in the silent clubroom. This was nothing out of the ordinary. What made this different from usual was that for once, we had plans after this.

“Hey, Yukinoshita,” I said. “Can we just end club now? Even if we continue, all we’ll be doing is reading…”

Firmly fixed on her paperback, Yukinoshita turned a page and replied, “You’re right. We’ll be celebrating Yuigahama’s birthday after this, so we won’t be able to engage in any Service Club activities. Do you have any objections?”

“No, no objections. In fact, I feel lucky to get the day off. I’m thrilled Yuigahama was born. Thanks to her, there’s no more club today.”

“I can’t tell if your perspective is too narrow or too broad… You’re as shallow as ever.” Vexed, Yukinoshita closed her book.

But I was exasperated, too. You just don’t get it, Yukinoshita. You don’t understand. “Don’t be stupid. Being deep isn’t necessarily a good thing.”

“I was under the impression it was preferable, or am I wrong?” Yukinoshita expressed the very objection I had predicted.

“A deep river has a fast current, your vision can’t reach the bottom, and your feet can’t, either. So paradoxically, if I am shallow, I am calm, easy to see through, and grounded,” I replied with a smug chuckle.

Yukinoshita looked bewildered. “Inexplicably…I’ve come to understand that you are a great man…”

“Inexplicably…I’ve come to understand that you’re being insincere…” That’s odd. I think I’m a pretty solid guy.

But a baffled Yukinoshita was tilting her head. “Huh? But you lack even a single laudable trait.”

“Why are you giving me that cute puzzled look? The discrepancy between your expression and your remarks is causing me unnecessary pain,” I said.

Yukinoshita spared me no concern. “I apologize. My nature is fundamentally honest.”

“That’s not what you should be apologizing for. Look. If you ignore how I don’t have friends or a girlfriend, I’m basically high caliber,” I expounded.

Yukinoshita softly pressed a hand to her brow as if her head hurt. “Generally speaking, those are fatal deficiencies, though… Well, not that it matters. I myself have a few objections with that particular prevailing notion.”

“You got that right. To declare ‘the more friends and girlfriends the better’ is to deny the individual. Among those lauded by the world as the greatest, the most prominent individuals, the geniuses, there are some who have no friends at all. Well, more to the point, you’re a genius, ranked top in our grade, capable of anything, and you don’t have any friends, either.”

“I—I have one…,” Yukinoshita protested shyly. She was most likely referring to a mutual acquaintance of ours.

“Yeah, Yuigahama. But you know, I said friends, plural, and that typically implies you have more than one. You don’t have friend-zuh!”

“You’re splitting hairs again…,” Yukinoshita said bluntly and with condescension.

That was when the door to the clubroom opened. “Yahallo! Hmm? What’re you guys talking about?” That particular idiotic greeting arrived along with Yui Yuigahama.

“Oh, Yuigahama. Oh, Hikigaya was just insisting that he’s a great man and refuses to back down.”

Yuigahama clapped her hands as she burst into laughter. “Ah-ha-ha! That’s rich.”

“Don’t shoot me down right out of the gate. C’mon, calm down. I’ll explain my greatness point by point. First, I’ve got a decent face, so that’s plus one point.”

“But you’ve got a rotten look in your eyes. Minus one,” said Yukinoshita.

“Plus, you’re tooting your own horn there…” Yuigahama chimed in. The girls were so generous with their subtractions.

“Ngh! W-well… I’m here at a school that’ll put me on track for university. Plus one,” I retorted.

“There’s a possibility you’ll repeat the year. Minus one,” replied Yukinoshita with indifference.

“Ah…ah-ha…ha. I—I don’t think I can talk. I’ll leave that one for now.” Yuigahama tittered uncomfortably.

W-well, so far my points had been kinda…on the abstract side. Or like, one could contend a lot of it was subjective. But this time, I would come up with points that were both concrete and rock solid. “Then how about this? In the arts category, I’m ranked third in our year in Japanese. Plus one.”

“But your grade in math is nine percent, the lowest mark in the year. Minus one,” Yukinoshita retorted.

“U-ughhh. Mine is twelve percent… I-I’ll leave that one.” Yuigahama was nearly crying.

What else, what else… “Nghhhh… A-also…I have a deep and abiding love for my sister?”

“That’s just a sister complex,” said Yuigahama. Both girls wordlessly told me, Die, pervert.

“Minus two points,” announced Yukinoshita.

“Why was that two?! Damn it! Is there anything else…? I—I can’t. I can’t think of anything…” I tried to scrounge up something else, but there was nothing.

Yukinoshita smiled mercilessly upon me and my troubles. “Are you done already? We have more.”

“What…did you say?” She has more dirt on me? Come on, do you have heaven’s memo pad or something?

Yukinoshita quietly averted her eyes and muttered softly. “Like…how you actually got Yuigahama a birthday present. Plus one point…or not.”

“Huh? Did you say something?” I asked.

“Nothing important. Come on, let’s get going. The cake has fruit in it, so it would be best to eat it while it’s still fresh.” Yukinoshita coolly deflected my question, pushing her chair back.

“Y-yeah…,” I replied. Yuigahama and I followed suit and stood.

“Yay! Cake! What kind of fruit is in it, Yukinon? Watermelon?!” she said.

“The first thing that comes to your mind is watermelon? Your cooking skills are terrible as ever,” muttered Yukinoshita.

We left the clubroom and trudged down the hallway. When we arrived at the first floor, I remembered the e-mail from my sister. “So where are we going now? Komachi said she wanted to come, too, so I’d like to invite her.”

Yukinoshita nodded.

“Why not?” Yuigahama replied. “We’re headed to the karaoke place by the station. They’re charging a flat rate after five. You know, the ‘free time’ deal.”

“Okay, gotcha. I’ll e-mail her, then… ‘Free time,’ huh? I’m not a fan of that.” Unpleasant memories rose unbidden to my mind.

Looking grumpy, Yuigahama asked, “Huh? Why? ‘Free’ means you can do whatever you want. It’s a great thing.”

“Freedom is not necessarily an unequivocal good. Freedom means no protection, no shelter,” Yukinoshita said.

That seemed rational, so I nodded, too. “That’s exactly right. Be it field trips, school-wide outings, swimming classes… I never knew what to do when they said we had free time, and I was constantly stressing over it. I didn’t have anything to do when we went to the pool, so I swam about two kilometers.”

“That’s essentially endurance swimming,” Yukinoshita remarked.

Yeah, that was clearly beyond the scope of the class, huh? It was rough…

“Ha-ha-ha!” Yuigahama laughed. “It’s easy to deal with field trips and stuff, though. All you have to do is be quiet and reserved and keep three steps behind.”

“That sounds like a rather unpleasant yamato nadeshiko…,” Yukinoshita replied.

As this pointless conversation continued, we arrived at the school entrance, and abruptly, I detected boisterous laughter from somewhere nearby.

“Fwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hachiman!”

…Oh, must have been my imagination.

“But why karaoke?” I asked.

“Ngh? Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh… Hachiman…”

Yuigahama pondered for a moment. “Why? ’Cause people won’t get mad at you even if you’re supernoisy, and you get all-you-can-drink beverages.”

“Ho-mmph… H-Hachiman? Hello?”

“Plus, I hear for birthdays they’ll let you bring in the cake,” she added.

“You should still ask the staff first, though,” Yukinoshita said.

Yes, that cackling was just my imagination after all. Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I continued our conversation. “Huh, but, like…it’s Yuigahama’s birthday. So why was she the one reserving the karaoke?” I asked.

“…! I-it’s not like I had a choice!” Yukinoshita replied. “I don’t know how to plan these sorts of events.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it!” Yuigahama said. “Also, like, you know…I’m just happy people are coming to a party for me, and I’m even happier when I think, like, Oh, Yukinon’s relying on me!”

“Yuigahama…” Yukinoshita trailed off.

“Eh-heh-heh.” The two of them blushed rather shyly and shared a smile.

All of a sudden, a black shadow stomped its way into our group!

“JUST A MOMENT! DON’T LEEEEAVE MEEEE!”

The fierce bellow made both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama cower. By the way, so did I.

“Eek!”

“Waugh!”

“Yaaagh!” I cried. “That scared me! …Oh, it’s Zaimokuza. Huh, where’d you come from?” He was there? Really?

“Ga-hum, ga-hum! If you ask from whence I came, first I must needs prove that I exist at all, though?” He cleared his throat in a contrived manner before spouting a bunch of self-important nonsense. What a pain in the butt.

“Oh, that sounds like it’ll be exhausting, so forget it… What is it? Do you want something?” I asked.

Zaimokuza folded his arms arrogantly and replied, “Hmph. After our last meeting, I went straight to drafting a premise for my new light novel… I’ll permit you to see it if you want.”

“Why are you acting like I’m beneath you? And don’t give us a plot or an outline or whatever. Bring us a complete draft.”

“Hwa-ha-ha-ha! Come now, this time the outline alone is so stunning, you’ll be back for more! Come, behold my work!” He shoved a stack of papers at me.

“Right now? Sorry, but we’ve got things to do. How about later?” I casually rebuffed him.

Suddenly, he gazed off into the distance and began to ramble. “Fleh. Have you heard this tale before? The god of luck, Caerus, has only one lock of hair near his forehead. So you cannot let him slip by you…muh? Hey, Hachiman, if you miss his bangs, why can’t you grab his hands or feet or something?”

“I don’t know. Don’t quote myths you don’t really understand… If you’re in such a hurry about your story, anyway, go have some message board evaluate it.”

“That would be impossible. If one of the other wannabes were to post something like Lulz this guy’s writing sux so bad lolol whoever wrote this is a talent vacuum rofl, I would choose death.” Zaimokuza meaningfully emphasized the English word wannabe.

“Let’s try cultivating some thicker skin before we polish our creative strengths, shall we?” Zaimokuza was so pathetic, I found myself kindly chiding him.

Yukinoshita peered up at me. “Hey, Hikigaya, what’s a wannabe?”

“Oh, I’m not completely sure, but I’ve heard that’s what they call people who aspire to be light-novel writers.” I’m sure there are various theories on this, but my guess is that it comes from the English I wanna be such and such. But I don’t really know.

Yuigahama, who knew no more than I did, made an appreciative noise. “Ohh…I thought it was those animals at the Chiba Zoo.”

“…There’re no wallabies in the Chiba Zoo, though,” I said.

“Yuigahama, it’s eastern gray kangaroos that they have there,” Yukinoshita replied in all seriousness.

Yuigahama’s face reddened as she protested. “I—I know what kangaroos are! But, like, you know, there’s those tinier ones, aren’t there? I got it mixed up with those!”

“…Do you mean meerkats?” Yukinoshita suggested.

“Yeah, that’s it! Tsk! I was so close! …Next question, please.”

“No, you weren’t close, and we’re not doing the Trans-Chiba Ultra Quiz, either,” I said. Also, you know way too much about the Chiba Zoo. You’re weirding me out, seriously.

“Hyagh! Who cares about marsupials or whatever, anyway?!” Zaimokuza thumped his draft as he became more insistent. “I have confidence in this one! Thus far, I have been called a stinking garbage wannabe, but ’tis only a matter of time before they drop a word or two from that title…”

Yukinoshita put a hand to her jaw and gave an appreciative nod. “I see. So from now on they’ll simply call you stinking garbage, hmm?”

“Why take out that part…?” I commented. I imagine the correct assumption was that they would drop the “stinking garbage” part and call him a plain wannabe. Wait, you’re gonna make them take the nasty parts out and then stick with being a wannabe?

But Zaimokuza’s fearless smile was brimming with assurance. “Heh. You’ll understand how different this one is soon enough, once you’ve read it… Hmm? By the way, Hachiman, what is this business you’re on today?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s Yuigahama’s birthday, so we’re having a little party.”

“What?! The celebration of her nativity?! Is this perhaps what they call a…baasudei in English?!”

“Well, yeah. There was absolutely no need to bust out the English, though.”

Trembling like a leaf, Zaimokuza said, “Oh-ho…so the old legend was true… When a certain personage’s seventeenth birthday arrives, the Master Swordsman General shall also hasten to give her his blessings.”

“You’re kinda freaking me out…” Yuigahama swiftly cringed away and retreated behind me, her human shield.

“Old ladies always go wild whenever they hear the word birthday, though, don’t they?” I said. “I dunno, Chibanese are just sensitive to the subject of birthdays.”

“Is that so? I’ve never paid them much mind, though.” Yukinoshita quizzically cocked her head.

“Well, in elementary schools in Chiba, seating charts are based on your birthday, right?” I replied.

“Ahh! You’re right, they were!” Yuigahama spoke up in agreement. “I was surprised when I started high school and we were suddenly in alphabetical order.”

“You’re right. It seems that determining the order based on date of birth is unusual compared to the rest of the country,” said Yukinoshita.

“Indeed so. And ’tis an anomaly that can bring about tragedy…”

“Where’s this coming from, Zaimokuza?” I asked.

Zaimokuza’s know-it-all expression darkened. “…Two days before, everyone said happy birthday to the guy in the seat in front of me. Three days later, they said it to the guy behind me.”

“Ahh, got it,” I said.

“They completely snubbed you, huh?” remarked Yukinoshita.

I guess that kind of thing can happen when your birthday is during the school year. My birthday is in the middle of summer vacation, though, meaning I’ve never experienced anything similar myself. So I could easily accept his claim. “When you think about it, then, Chiba is a rough prefecture for a loner.”

“Ma-hom. Why are you looking at me like this has nothing to do with you, Hachiman?”

“Nobody wants anything to do with him, so everything has nothing to do with him.” Yukinoshita grinned broadly.

“Why do you have to smile when you say that? I don’t wanna hear it from you. Everything has nothing to do with you, too,” I replied.

Yukinoshita swept her hair back with a hand and a generous helping of self-assurance. “Indeed. I don’t want anything to do with anyone, either…”

“Huh?” A disappointed Yuigahama gave Yukinoshita a few sharp prods in the back.

“Yuigahama, could you not poke me like that?”

“Hmm…” Yukinoshita’s request did not stop Yuigahama, and she continued jabbing at the other girl as if she was grumpy about something.

Unable to bear it, Yukinoshita lightly cleared her throat. “Ahem… I amend my statement. While there are exceptions, I don’t want anything to do with most people.”

“Yukinon!” Yuigahama leaped upon Yukinoshita.

“You’re smothering me…,” Yukinoshita muttered in a complex mixture of gladness and annoyance.

Ignoring the pair, I said my farewells to Zaimokuza. “So yeah, Zaimokuza, we’ve got some stuff going on, so I can’t today. Later.” We parted with him and set off once more.

But there were footsteps close behind us. “Ahem. What a coincidence. I just so happen to have no plans today…”

“I see. It sure is nice to have nothing going on. Anyway…why are you following us?” I asked, gently implying that he should stop.

Zaimokuza, however, did not get the message. “I am so bored, ah, so very bored! I have naught to do, so mayhap I might go on a quick jaunt before I head home. Whoops, now that I think of it, Hachiman, wh-where are you guys going?”

“The station.”

“You don’t say! …What a coincidence. I was just about to pass through thereabouts today on my way home. This might perchance be fate… So this is the choice the world has made…”

“…”

His performance was annoying, so I ignored it.

Zaimokuza sank deep into thought, glancing at me from time to time.

Yuigahama, repulsed by our exchange, quietly whispered in my ear. “Hey, Hikki. About the Special Snowflake…”

“‘Snowflake’? Is that your nickname for Zaimokuza?” Isn’t that kinda mean?

Yuigahama seemed unconcerned, though, and continued. “Yes. Don’t you think Snowflake wants to be invited?”

“Yeah, I get that, but…” I trailed off.

Yukinoshita shrugged her shoulders. “So you do understand…sigh. But so long as Yuigahama is okay with it, I see no problem with inviting him. I’d rather give up now than have him follow us indefinitely.”

“Hmm… I dunno,” said Yuigahama.

“If you do invite him, though, you have to take due care of him until the end,” commented Yukinoshita.

“Are you my mom or what?” I said. “Hey, Yuigahama. Can we let him come?”

Yuigahama considered it for a bit. “Hmm…well…it’s not like I don’t know him, and he is your friend, so…okay.”

“Thanks. He’s not my friend, though.”

“H-he’s not…?” Yuigahama had this odd expression that was not quite shock and not quite disgust.

Turning my back to her, I spoke to Zaimokuza. “Zaimokuza, why don’t you come, too? To Yuigahama’s party, I mean.”

“Hrrm? Oh, but I am a man driven. My internal deadlines hound my heels, and it is crunch time even now, but…even so, ’twould be rude to refuse such an invitation. Very well, I shall accompany you.”

“Damn… I wanna smack this guy…” I have no idea why he puts on that self-important persona. As usual, he talks big, but it’s all hollow.

Even Yukinoshita seethed with a hint of murderousness in her eyes. “He’s far and away more insufferable than I had imagined…”

“W-well, hey, the more the merrier, right?” said Yuigahama.

“No need to force yourself,” I told her.

Yuigahama made the best cover-up smile she could. “Ah…ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, there’s Sai-chan!”

“Wh-what?! Did you say Totsuka?! H-hey, Yuigahama…the more the merrier, right? Right?!”

“Huh? Y-yeah, but… Wait, where are you going?!”

I barely heard Yuigahama’s question as I dashed away as fast as a certain combat butler, quick enough to set a personal record.

“He sure ran off in a hurry…,” commented Yukinoshita.

“Totsukaaa!” I cried out. “T-today is Yuigahama’s birthday, a-and we’re having a little party, s-so…d-do you…want to c-c-c-come too?!” As my cry echoed in my ears, I somehow sensed that Zaimokuza was wailing behind me.

“Uh. Hannngh? He wasn’t doing that with me at all, was he?! Hey, hey, he’s acting different now!”

The train station at twilight was hustling and bustling with people and cars. The five of us made our way through the throng.

“Sorry, Totsuka,” I apologized. “I feel like I dragged you into this.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I was just thinking about going over to give Yuigahama a present. And I’m really glad you invited me, you know?”

Totsuka was so cute, I cried delicious tears. Sob, sob, sob. “I’m so happy that Totsuka is coming t—ah! No, no, Totsuka is adorable, but he’s a guy. Stay calm; don’t be led astray, Hachiman Hikigaya! Stay calm, like a Buddhist monk. Don’t give in to temptation. Breathe in, out…in…out… Focus and still your spirit… The way of the Buddha has no need of women… The way of the Buddha has no need of women… Wait, Totsuka’s a guy, so that won’t work! Asceticism is useless!”

“What kind of nonsense are you muttering to yourself? Here, we’re at the karaoke parlor.” By the time Yukinoshita’s icy admonition had pulled me back to reality, we had arrived at our destination.

Karaoke is one of the foremost pastimes of the high schooler. I mean, there has always been an unbreakable connection between students and music. Choir recitals, for instance. Actually, why do normies get into fights during practice for those? One girl goes like, The boys aren’t even trying to sing properly! and bursts into tears, and everyone in the class rushes after her. It’s a familiar youthful cliché. But in reality, behind the scenes, they’re saying stuff like:

“Anyway, why is A-ko crying all of a sudden? It’s hilarious.”

“I dunno, it’s less funny and more, like, annoying.”

“I know, right?! She totally wants to be in charge!”

“But, like…isn’t she taking a long time to come back? Should we go get her?”

“Oh man, is this like that thing where everyone goes? Oh my god, we’re totally living out our youth, aren’t we?”

…That sort of exchange. Gosh, those celebrations of youth sure are magnificent, aren’t they? Wonderful!

When the automatic doors parted and we entered the karaoke parlor, a cacophonous deluge washed over us.

“Oh! Bro!” Komachi, who had arrived ahead of us, leaped up from the sofa when she spotted our group and rushed over.

“Oh, Komachi. You got here first, huh?” I said.

“Heya, Komachi,” Yuigahama greeted.

“Hello, hello! Thanks so much for inviting me today,” Komachi replied.

“I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for coming!” said Yuigahama.

“Oh, don’t thank me! When I heard it was your birthday, Yui, I just had to come.”

While the pair exchanged pleasantries, Yuigahama let out an affectionate sigh. “Aww… You’re so sweet, Komachi… It’d sure be fun to have a little sister like you. I wish you could be my sister… Wait. I—I didn’t mean…”

“Y-you jerk! H-how can you say that?!” I demanded. “Komachi is my little sister, and mine alone! I won’t give her to anyone!” I’d never, ever give her to anyone.

Yuigahama sighed again, differently from before. “There it is. Hikki’s sister complex… Agh…”

“I apologize for my brother…”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault, Komachi…”

Ngh, now I’m starting to suspect I did something wrong. I have to retreat for now. “Anyway, we haven’t checked in yet, right? I’m gonna go do that.” When I started for the counter, I heard voices pipe up behind me, but the background music drowned it out.

“I-I’ll come, too,” said Yuigahama.

“Hrrm, then I shall join you. Because there is nowhere I belong!” announced Zaimokuza.

“…What a sad reason for a third wheel to butt in…”

Good, good, good. They’ve got a weirdo tagging along, too, but it looks like Yui is doing her best, and in Komachi terms, that’s a relief.

When my brother headed toward the front counter with the others in tow, Yukino came to talk to me. “Thank you for your help the other day, Komachi.”

“It was no big deal,” I replied. “You asked me to, after all… My brother’s always causing you trouble, so I don’t mind helping you whenever to make up for it.” Well, in Komachi terms, the “help” I was talking about was a different kind of help. Tee-hee.

“What are you talking about?”

As always, Totsuka was too cute for words… He just looks so fascinated, and…ah! Bad Komachi. No. “Oh, nothing much. Yukino, my brother, and I recently went to buy Yui presents together.”

“Oh, really? That sounds like fun. I’d like to go out with you guys, too.”

“Yeah! …I get the feeling my brother would rather go out with just you, though…ahh! My brother is starting down a strange path… I’m worried…” This was a fairly serious concern of mine. At home, when my brother talked about school, it was mostly about Totsuka. It was so bad he’d practically scheduled a Totsuka Today segment into the regular broadcast schedule.

“I don’t quite know what you’re talking about, but it seems you are in a difficult situation as well,” said Yukinoshita. “I sympathize…”

“Now that it’s come to this, everything hinges on you and Yui…” Yukino is the queen of aloofness, but in Komachi terms, I have high hopes for her, you know?

“Me and Yuigahama? …What could be hinging on us? I’m not terribly confident in my ability to deliver corporal punishment.”

“I’m sorry. I mean without violence.”

“I see. Inflicting mental and emotional distress is my forte.”

“Th-the way you said that with a grin is making me uncomfortable…”

The clerk at the front counter rang us up. “The reservation is for Miss Yuigahama, is that right? You’re in booth 208. The microphone and touchpad are in the room. When you’re out of time, we’ll call you on the booth phone.”

“Okay! Thank you very much.” Yuigahama took the tray with the receipt.

While she occupied herself with that, Zaimokuza spoke to me. “Hey, Hachiman.”

“Hmm? What?” I asked.

“Was that her ladyship, your most honored younger sister?”

“Yeah…” I had a bad feeling about this…

“…I see. By the way, Elder Brother, what might your most honored younger sister’s name be? And her age and hobbies, in detail?”

“No way am I telling you. And if you call me ‘Elder Brother’ again, I’m gonna punch you.”

“Hrrm. How cold, Dear Sib.”

“You’re not allowed to call me that, either!”

We had finally assembled in the karaoke booth after getting beverages from the drink bar. Each of us held our glasses in hand.

In a thoughtful gesture for the rest of us who couldn’t manage to start this thing, Totsuka raised his glass high. “Um…a-all right, then. Happy birthday, Yuigahama.”

We all toasted along with him, clinking our glasses. “Happy birthday,” said Yukinoshita.

“Happy birthday!” added Komachi.

“May you enjoy a felicitous new year.”

“Uh, Zaimokuza, while that is a form of congratulations, you don’t say it on someone’s birthday,” I said.

After everyone had offered their congratulatory greeting, the birthday girl raised her hands and replied, “Thank you so much, guys! O-okay, I’m blowing out the candles, now!” Fwooo!

“Yaaay!”

“Wooo!”

After Yuigahama blew out the candles, we had another toast, and for some reason or another clapped. Very birthday-ish.

Then, a brief silence…

“…”

“Huh?! Wh-why’s everyone gone quiet?!” Yuigahama said, startled.

“This is kinda awkward somehow, like…we got too excited at a wake or something…” Komachi seemed uneasy.

Yukinoshita and I, however, dealt with the silence calmly. “It’s not that,” she said. “I’m just unaccustomed to this sort of thing.”

“I don’t know what people do at birthday parties and after parties and stuff, so I’m lost,” I added.

“I agree most profoundly,” said Zaimokuza. “Although I am never invited to after parties.”

“Me neither, ever since I went that one time,” I announced with an utter lack of concern, as if this were incredibly ordinary.

For some reason, this made Zaimokuza burst into noisy, victorious laughter. “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That is nothing! Is being invited once not enough? What a trifling reason to tout yourself as a loner…laughable!”

“What did you say?! It sounds like I have to explain this to you, because you don’t understand. I was only invited because the entire class was obligated to participate, all right? You haven’t even been to one party, so there’s still a possibility you could enjoy yourself at one. I’m one step ahead of you.”

“Wh-what?! Ngh, I should have expected nothing less of a pro loner.”

“What a tasteless dispute… I’m invited every time, but I’ve never once accepted. May I propose that I’m the winner here?”

“Erk!” I flinched. “You’re so miserably competitive.” I don’t know what the condition for victory was in that conversation, but Yukinoshita counted herself the winner, apparently.

Sensing we were spoiling the mood, Totsuka interjected, “Come on, this is a birthday party. Let’s talk about fun stuff, okay? Right, Yuigahama?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m having a lot of fun, though,” Yuigahama asserted. “Nobody’s ever thrown me a birthday party before, so I’m pretty happy…” I think she genuinely was. The peaceful smile on her face was exuding joy more and more.

“That’s surprising. I thought you were jooshy polly yey 365 days a year,” I said.

“What’s with the random English? I don’t get it. …Wait, is that English?” asked Yuigahama.

“I’m not sure… Didn’t Miura and her crowd throw you a party out of pity, at least?” I asked.

Yuigahama adopted a thoughtful pose for a bit. “Hmm. It’s not like I never had the opportunity to do something like that. It was just, like, I was always the celebrater rather than the celebratee, and I was usually the one organizing everything, like serving everyone and stuff, and before I knew it, it was over…”

“Oh… Well…sorry, I guess,” I apologized reflexively. What a sad story.

Yuigahama awkwardly looked down. “Oh…yeah. It…doesn’t really bother me.” 

“…”

Both of us fell silent.

Komachi broke in with a strained smile. “…And now it feels like we’re at a wake again… I can’t take this! Let’s just drink some cola, Yui!”

“Oh, o-okay!”

“Woo!” Komachi and Yuigahama clinked their glasses to cheer things up.

While they busied themselves with that, I sighed.

“…Haaah.” 

I really am no good with these kinds of social functions. Part of it is because I don’t get invited to after parties or class parties and stuff, so I’m unaccustomed to them. But I also simply have doubts about parties in general. Everything strikes me as an act where everyone raises their voices in unison and pours so much effort into being festive. I bet if all those normies were to stop screaming, they wouldn’t be able to take the ensuing anxiety. If they shut up for a minute, they might realize they’re dull human beings. And thus, they force themselves to chitchat, move the conversations along, and stage a theatrical show of merriment. It’s a display to ward off threats, puffing themselves up to look bigger.

“Haah…”

“Hachiman? What’s wrong? You’re sighing.” Totsuka peered at my face.

“Oh, yeah. It’s just, this…like…birthday party? At the end of the day, I don’t know what to do.”

“U-um…eat food, say cheers, do party tricks, and stuff? And…cut the special cake together?”

“That sounds like a wedding…”

“Ah-ha-ha, you’re right. But it’s a celebration, all the same, so… Shall we…cut the cake?”

“We’ll be just like newlyweds, Saika.” Without meaning to, I gave him a pointed stare.

“H-Hachiman…y-you’re playing dirty… You can’t just suddenly…call me by my first name…”

“Stop! Okay, that’s enough! I’ll cut it.” Yuigahama interposed herself between us, bringing me to my senses.

“…Ah! That was close!” I said. “The mental image of Totsuka in a wedding dress flitted through my mind for a moment there. How strange. I mean, Totsuka is a guy.”

“…Uh, that really is strange. And, uh…gross.” Yuigahama was super weirded out.

I gave her a soft smile. “Yeah, it’s strange. But it’s not gross. Totsuka’s a guy, so he should wear a tux!”

“You’ve already decided to marry him?!”

Right then, something banged violently against the wall.

“Whoa, that scared me!” I said. “See, you’re being so loud, you made the neighbors angry.”

“Oh, sorry. That’s weird. It’s supposed to be soundproof. Well, whatever,” Yuigahama muttered, reaching for the knife we’d borrowed from the karaoke parlor’s kitchen. “O-okay, I’m cutting the cake. H-Hikki, will you hold the plate down? U-um, I don’t mean anything by, like, how we’re doing it together…” The latter half of her sentence disappeared into mumbles, and I couldn’t make it out at all. Are you me when the hairstylist asks what I want, or what? Enunciate. Come on.

“Hey, today’s your birthday, so why don’t you sit back and relax? Totsuka and I will cut it. It’s okay.”

“H-huh? I-I’d feel bad for Sai-chan, though…”

“You’re not gonna feel bad for me? Then…Komachi.”

“Huh?” said Komachi. “If I cut it at this point, it’d be like…low Komachi points. At home when we’re alone together would be fine, though, blush, blush. Oh, and that just now scored major Komachi points.”

“…You’re so obnoxious. Zaimokuza, then.” I attempted to ask him.

“…Uhhhhh.” Yuigahama’s expression said, No way.

“Hey, that look kinda makes me feel sorry for him,” I gently protested, out of pity.

Beside me, Zaimokuza clenched his chest and began groaning. “Hrrngh! The sealed door within me opens! Yes, it was back when I was but a lad completing my military training at a regular elementary school. Mayhap it was a strange twist of fate…but when I volunteered to hand out rations, a single Valkyrie, in tears, refused the curry I served her…”

“See? You stirred up old trauma, and now his character’s messed up…,” I said.

“Oh, i-it’s not like I don’t want him to do it. It’s just, like…you know…I want him to go wash his hands or something,” muttered Yuigahama.

“Heblagh!” It looked like that was the finishing strike for Zaimokuza.

Yukinoshita watched them both with irritation, huffed a short sigh, and took the knife in her hand. “Hmph… I’ll take care of the cake. I’m excellent at cutting.”

“Yeah, I bet you are. Like cutting people off or making cutting remarks.”

“And you’re good at being cut off,” she retorted.

“Why’d you put that in the passive voice? And that’s because, you know…I’m Buddhist. My goal is to become a Buddha through severing ties with the physical realm. I’m way up there, from a Buddhist perspective.”

“There you go again with your feeble knowledge of Buddhism… Buddhism is, in essence, a religion that attaches little importance to the indirect ties of pratyaya that you describe. Gautama Buddha, in fact, advocated the existence of pratyaya in the form of hetu-pratyaya.”

“…Here she comes, the great Yukipedia.”

“What is that questionable nickname? Well, whatever. More important, I’m cutting the cake, so hold the plate,” she said.

“Okay.” As ordered, I gently pressed the plate down.

Yuigahama, in a panic, tried to stop us. “H-hey! Hold it! I’m gonna do it after all! I-I can’t let you guys cut the cake together…” I couldn’t hear most of the latter half of that. Are you like, you know, me when a police officer stops me on my bicycle and checks for a criminal record? Articulate. Come on.

I guess Yukinoshita heard her, though, as she regarded Yuigahama with some curiosity. She didn’t comment on whatever it was, though. “Oh? Okay, go ahead.”

“Huh? Yay! Yeah, yeah! I’ll do it! I’ll do it!”

“Hold the plate good and still, Yuigahama,” Yukinoshita said.

“You and me?! U-ugh… My feelings are so complicated now.”

Yukinoshita swiftly inserted the knife into the cake.

“Those are some damn even sixths,” I remarked.

“Not really. It’s not so difficult.” Yukinoshita stood with poise before a cake divided into perfect, precise slices.

But Yuigahama, who was watching, reacted with some surprise. “Whoa, it’s true! Are you blood type A, Yukinon?” she asked.

“What are you basing that on?”

“Well, I mean, you’re so methodical.”

“She’s not methodical,” I said. “She’s more like a neat freak or a perfectionist or something.”

“What nonsense… How is there any relation between blood type and personality?” Yukinoshita, who apparently was not fond of blood-type personality theory, was producing her characteristic chill.

Totsuka neutralized it with his warm, balmy voice. “Oh, I’m type A, though. I am often picky about details.”

“Oh? You’d make a good bride, Totsuka,” I said.

“D-don’t tease me, Hachiman…” Totsuka blushed a hot red.

Beside him, Yukinoshita turned her frigid energy toward me. “Not that I care, but my impression is that you’re treating him very differently from me.”

What extreme temperature fluctuations. Does this booth have a desert climate?

The one who ruined the atmosphere was, of course, a professional at such tasks: Zaimokuza. “Hrrm. But blood-type personality theory may not necessarily be untrue. ’Tis a popular belief that AB types have dual personalities, and I find that to be peculiarly fitting. I feel that I, too, could suddenly awaken to my other identity at any time…ngh! Not now! Calm thyself, my right hand!”

“If you’re going to play those games of yours, could you do it outside? Anyway, what type are you, Yuigahama?” asked Yukinoshita.

“Me? I’m type O,” Yuigahama replied.

Komachi clapped her hands in agreement. “Offhand O, huh?”

“What the heck. So is type A affhand?” I asked.

“Oh dear…,” said Yukinoshita. “If Yuigahama is type O, blood-type personality theory is starting to sound more believable.”

“Huh? Hey! Am I really that careless?” Yuigahama asked.

“Yui, it’s okay! I’m type O, too,” said Komachi.

“What’s so okay about that…?” I inquired.

“Huh? I can…give her blood if something happens?” Komachi replied.

Inundated in a wave of offhand, careless remarks, Yukinoshita shuddered. “How accurate… This is becoming more and more plausible…”

“So what type are you, Yukino?” Komachi asked. “You’ve got to be type A, right?”

Yukinoshita replied readily. “Type B.”

“Oh. Well, I believe in blood-type personality theory now,” I said.

“Are you trying to suggest something?” she asked.

“Oh, I mean, you’re totally my-way-or-the-highway, or, like, selfish, or maybe I’d call it arrogant. Basically, I think it’s on the mark.”

“If that’s your reasoning, then you must be type B, too.”

“My brother is type A, though.” The moment Komachi said it, everyone froze.

“What?” Yukinoshita gawked in disbelief.

“Huh?!” exclaimed Yui.

“Hey, your combined shock is striking me as kinda mean, guys,” I said.

“Pffshhht!” Zaimokuza sputtered. “H-Hachiman, you’re t-t-type A?! No, no, ’tis preposterous! An irresponsible, unpunctual, uncooperative loner like you, type A?! No matter how you look at it, you are nothing like a farmer. Thank you very much.”

“Damn it… I wanna punch you…” I restrained my right fist from connecting with Zaimokuza’s jaw as it so desperately wanted to.

A little dismayed, Totsuka commented, “S-sorry, Hachiman… I think…I’m sorta surprised, too.”


“T-Totsuka…” Tears unwittingly sprang to my eyes.

“Oh, b-but I’ll give you blood if anything bad happens to you!”

“T-Totsuka!” A cry of joy unwittingly sprang from my mouth.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only jubilant occupant of the room, as happiness played across Yukinoshita’s face, too. “What a relief. It’s thanks to you that I can again discount all blood-type personality theory.”

“Hey,” I protested. “You can’t say something like that with such a sweet smile on your face. That hurts!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. There is the possibility a complicated family situation led to them lying about your blood type. Perhaps my comment was indeed thoughtless. I apologize.”

Yukinoshita had a belligerent way of asking forgiveness.

“You can’t say something like that in front of my real sister. I don’t know what I’d do if I found out we’re not actually blood related.” I keep myself in check because we’re close kin, but if we weren’t, I’d be showering her with loads of love, seriously.

Yuigahama must have sensed that, as she had clearly lost patience and snapped at me. “That’s sister-complex level! Or maybe you’re just a pervert!”

“Well, in Komachi terms,” Komachi butted in, “if we weren’t related, it would be okay, though. Oh, I bet that scores high Komachi points.”

“In societal term, it’s scoring low points!” cried Yuigahama. “You’re kinda weird, too! You guys really are brother and sister!”

“Well, my brother and I have different blood types, but we have fairly similar personalities. I guess it’s nurture after all.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “Like how we both like celery, and we’re both demanding.” Plus, we hate summer and are willing to compromise.

“How do you raise a person to become that…?” asked Yukinoshita. “I’d like to meet your parents sometime…”

“Please do, please do!” Komachi said, cheerful as could be. “Our parents would be moved to tears if they were introduced to you.”

Yukinoshita responded with utter bafflement. “Hmm? And why would that be?”

“Huh? Why? Because that’d mean my brother…”

“Hikigaya?”

“…Uhh, nothing… That’s so weird. I thought I triggered that flag.” Komachi mumbled something unintelligible.

Yuigahama cleared her throat, drowning out Komachi. “Ahem. I-I’d kinda like to meet them. Ah-ha. Or not.”

Komachi’s eyes promptly sparkled. “Please, please do come over to our place, Yui. It’s a done deal, it’s a done deal!  ”

“S-sure!”

Those two sure get along well. But they had neglected one crucial fact. “Give it up. We have a cat. You don’t like cats, do you?”

“O-oh dear! Th-that’s right!” Yuigahama melodramatically yielded.

Totsuka’s reaction to the word cat, however, was a far cry from hers. “Oh, your family’s cat is so cute, Hachiman!”

“You think?” I replied. “He’s cheeky, he smacks the floor with his tail when you call his name, and when you see him at his water dish in the middle of the night, he could seriously pass for some kind of demon. Also, when I come home he goes crazy huffing my stinky feet.” No, actually, that’s the way cats act toward people they don’t care about. Well, I have to admit it’s still cute, though.

Totsuka was apparently a cat person, and he disputed my assessment of kitty flaws. “Huh? That’s adorable! Yeah… I’d like to pet him again sometime. Could I…come to…your house?”

“S-sure…sometime soon. When my parents aren’t home.”

“Ngh? Why only then?”

I shouldn’t have to explain that, Zaimokuza.

My heart all a-flutter over Totsuka’s charm, from the corner of my eye, I saw Yukinoshita fidgeting.

“H-Hikigaya… U-um…I would…also…”

“Huh?” I replied. I hadn’t quite heard her.

But Yukinoshita shook me off.

“N-never mind. More importantly, the cake’s divided, so let’s eat.”

“Ah. Oh yeah. Komachi, get me a fork.”

“Okeydoke!”

Accepting the fork from Komachi, I thought I heard a soft little murmur, accompanied by a sigh.

“…Haah…cats.”

Yuigahama forked some cake into her mouth and, after a few seconds, released a sigh of appreciation. “Mmm! Your homemade cake is so good, Yukinon!”

“Oh? I’m glad you enjoy it.”

“It really is yummy!” agreed Komachi. “You’ll have no trouble getting married! Right, Bro—”

Abruptly, another vehement thump sounded from the neighboring room.

“Eep!”

“Not again… Our neighbors are a little rowdy.” Fed up, I glanced at the wall.

But Totsuka smiled a crooked smile and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. But karaoke always gets loud… Oh, is there peach in this?”

“There is,” replied Yukinoshita. “Since they’re coming into season.”

Yukinoshita’s cake really did taste quite fancy, with all those fresh peaches in it. I savored the delicious dessert with relish.

Suddenly, Zaimokuza commented, “Did you know, Hachiman, that in ancient China, peaches were prized as the secret to eternal youth? A truly auspicious fruit, indeed.”

“Wow. That’s some great trivia, but why am I the only one you’re sharing this with? Not that I have no sympathy.”

“You’re so good at baking, Yukinon,” Komachi gushed, impressed.

Yukinoshita, however, reacted with neither pride nor modesty. She was simply composed. “It’s nothing impressive. You cook at home, don’t you, Komachi?”

“Yeah. Both our parents work, so I do the cooking. Oh, but my brother used to do it.”

Yuigahama leaped to her feet in an exaggerated gesture of surprise. “Whaaat?! He did?!”

“Yeah, ’cause knives and the stove and stuff were too dangerous for her until she was ten or so,” I said. “Which means I can take pride in my ability to cook better than almost any sixth grader.”

“What a dubious claim to fame…,” Yukinoshita said, unsure how to react.

It wasn’t, though. It was a perfectly respectable reason to be proud. “And I can do pretty much all house chores at a sixth-grade level. I’m ready to be married off as a househusband whenever! No way am I ever entering the workforce! Get a job and you lose!” I declared loudly.

Yukinoshita softly pressed her temple as if her head ached. “There he goes again, spouting nonsense with a rotten look in his eyes…”

“Huh… So you can cook, too, Hikki,” said Yuigahama. “I’ve gotta get good, too… I still haven’t been able to give him proper cookies…”

“Oh, all this talk about cooking reminds me.” Yukinoshita rummaged around in her bag, withdrew something, and handed it to Yuigahama.

“Huh? Wh-what is this?” wondered Yuigahama.

“It’s your birthday present. I don’t know if it will suit your taste, though.”

“Oh,” I said. “The thing you found after going through all those idiotic magazines that make no sense and you would usually never read.”

Yukinoshita shot me with a glare. Yikes. “You may keep your mouth shut.”

“Yukinon… For me? Thank you. Can I open it?”

“Y-yes, go right ahead.” Yukinoshita was a little shy.

Yuigahama flashed her an especially bright smile and unwrapped the gift. “An apron… U-um, thank you! I’ll take good care of it!”

When Yukinoshita saw Yuigahama’s sincere delight, she looked somehow relieved. “Personally, I’d be happier if you used it rather than delicately hanging it up as a decoration.”

“Yeah! I’ll use it with love!”

“I’ll give you mine then, too.” Totsuka, after watching their exchange, also rummaged through his bag. “Here. You always have your hair up, right, Yuigahama? So I bought you a hair clip.”

“Thank you, Sai-chan! Actually, this is so cute. Your tastes are even girlier than mine…”

“And I’ll give you this.” Komachi had also gotten her something and pulled a carefully wrapped present out of her bag. “Here. It’s a picture frame.”

“Thank you, too, Komachi-chan!”

“I actually really wanted to give you a photo along with it, but all the photos at home just have those rotten eyes… He must have some appeal that doesn’t show up in photos.”

“Oh, so he’s got that rotten look even in pictures, huh…? Hey, but it’s not like I wanted one, anyway!” Yuigahama said, but she looked happy.

Zaimokuza, who had been thus far only watching the presentation of gifts, abruptly ruffled his hair. “Hrrm. Alas, alack. As I was invited so uncharacteristically suddenly, I came unprepared.”

Indeed, it had been out of the blue. In fact, it would have been cause for concern if he had gotten her a present.

Apparently of similar sentiment, Yuigahama gave him a casual smile and a warm reply. “Hey, don’t worry about it at all, okay?”

“And thus! I present you with an autographed copy of my brand-new manuscript!”

“Don’t worry about it at all, okay…” Though her statement was almost exactly the same, its temperature had dropped to absolute zero.

“Duh-heh. What a rejection, hrrnk. Now that it has come to this, I shall bestow upon you a mix CD of my top one hundred anime songs.”

The moment I heard that, I automatically grabbed Zaimokuza by the shoulders and stopped him.

“Don’t do it, Zaimokuza. Anything but that.”

“Ngh, wh-why? ’Tis unlike you to so tearfully stop me from doing something.” He looked at me with bewilderment.

“I suppose I have no choice,” I said. “I’ll tell you. This is about a friend of a friend of mine, though…”

“Th-this kinda sounds familiar…”

Despite Yuigahama’s discomfort, I began. “In middle school, he had a crush on a girl. She was in the school band, a cute girl who liked music. On her birthday, he screwed up his courage to give her a present. He had stayed up all night putting together a collection of his recommended anime songs for this girl, since she loved music. He had meticulously culled the best songs and even had the forethought to leave out anything too overtly romantic or otaku-ish.”

“Hrrm. A spirit I can respect,” said Zaimokuza.

“I can see where this is going, though…,” commented Yukinoshita.

The next event was the crux of my tale. “She accepted the gift, and he was so happy, he cried. But the following day, tragedy struck. It happened during lunchtime, the period when one of the members of the broadcast committee would play tasteful music from the school-wide speakers. ‘Okay,’ she announced. ‘The next song is a request from Hachiman Ota-gaya in Class 2-C! Snrk. It’s a love song for Yamashita!’”

“That’s enough! No more, Hachimaaan!” Zaimokuza latched onto me and clung tight in an effort to cut the story short.

“Ngh!” My tears spilled onto Zaimokuza’s chest.

Yuigahama averted her gaze, avoiding the whole scene. “So it was about you after all.”

“Jerk! It wasn’t about me! It was Otagaya!” I protested, but not a single person believed me.

Yukinoshita in particular sported an expression that surpassed pity and approached fear. “I underestimated you, Hikigaya… To think you’re even more wretched than I imagined…”

“Even after my brother graduated, people passed down stories of Otagaya,” said Komachi. “Pretending it was some guy I’d never heard of was rough…”

“You’re a legend, huh, Hachiman…?” commented Totsuka.

The somewhat gentle tenor of their remarks mingled with my sobs to create an even more miserable picture.

“Well, thank you, guys! Really! This might have been my happiest birthday ever,” Yuigahama said as she surveyed her mountain of presents.

Yukinoshita shrugged her shoulders. “That’s an overstatement.”

“No, it’s true! I really am glad. I’ve always been happy with just the party my parents threw me, but…this year has been superspecial… Thank you, Yukinon.”

“…I—I just did the obvious,” Yukinoshita averted her gaze, as usual, and Yuigahama grinned broadly at her.

Indeed. Perhaps it was a good birthday. “But man,” I said. “You sure seem close with your folks. For my birthday last year, my parents gave me ten thousand yen cash, and that was it. Plus, some of it was supposed to pay for a cake.”

“Hrrm. ’Twas about the same for me,” said Zaimokuza. “The most I receive aside from a cash present is takeout from KFC.”

“Huh… R-really?” asked Totsuka. “My parents get me a cake and leave presents by my pillow for me to find the next morning.”

“I think there’s some other holiday tradition mixed in, there,” I said. I understand the desire to throw a birthday party for Totsuka, though. Good job, Mom, Dad.

And then there’s my family… Right as the thought reached my mind, Komachi ran her damn mouth. “But, like, my brother’s the only one who gets treated like that, you know. On my birthday, we go buy presents together, go out to eat, and buy a cake on the way back.”

“It sounds like your parents just don’t love Hikigaya…,” Yukinoshita remarked.

“What?! Don’t be stupid!” I protested. “They superlove me! I’d sure be in trouble if they didn’t, since I plan for them to support me for the next twenty years!”

“What an asshole son…,” Yuigahama insulted, and I think she meant it. It sort of stung.

With a strained smile, Komachi attempted to smooth things over. “Well, our parents tend not to give a damn about a lot of things…”

“Our parents give so few damns, it’s too much even for me,” I added.

“Impressive…” Yukinoshita looked rather seriously disturbed, but it was nothing like that.

“They’re the kind of people who would name me Hachiman because I was born on August eighth,” I explained.

“They really don’t give a damn!” cried Yuigahama.

I know, right? I think so, too.

However, Yukinoshita apparently disagreed. “Isn’t that a fairly typical rationale for naming a child? It was about the same with me. My name was chosen just because it was snowing when I was born.”

Oh my, so I’m not the only one. But I thought the name Yukino combined nicely with the surname Yukinoshita, so I didn’t say anything.

Komachi seemed to have a similar opinion. “Yukino is a pretty name, though.”

“Thank you,” replied Yukinoshita. “I don’t hate it, you know. In fact, I like it. And I think Komachi is a beautiful name that suits you well.”

“Y-Yukino…”

“Hey. Stop that, Yukinoshita. Don’t seduce someone else’s petite soeur. The Virgin Mary is watching you.” They might as well have had white lilies blooming in the background.

The one who ruined the mood was, of course, good old Zaimokuza. “Guh-heh. So all of you were named by your parents, huh?”

“What, and you weren’t?” I asked.

Immediately, Zaimokuza pitched forward eagerly. “My name was handed down to me from the distant past… If I must name a godfather, then…yes, I suppose his name would be fate…”

“Uh-huh.” I really don’t give a damn.

“Hrrm. By the way, the kanji says fate, but the ruby reads Grampa.”

“Why didn’t you just say ‘Grampa’ in the first place…?”

But right as I thought I might die from how little I cared, Totsuka supplied a tidbit that I did indeed give a damn about. A juicy tidbit, so to speak.

“Ah-ha-ha, my name might be the most normal, then. My parents just wanted me to live a life full of color.”

“It’s like that old saying,” I said. “‘The name oft reflects the nature.’ You sure add color to my life, Totsuka.” I did my best to look cool.

“Geez, don’t tease me like that!” he protested. “I’m gonna get mad, you know?”

I wish he would… My expression immediately shifted to a blissful smile.

Totsuka turned to Yuigahama as if he’d just thought of something. “Hey, so why were you named Yui, Yuigahama?”

“Huh? Me? Hmm…I’ve never asked,” she said.

“It’s your birthday, after all,” said Yukinoshita, “so why don’t you ask once you’re home? It seems your parents love you very much, so I’m sure they have a wonderful story to tell you. And if you don’t mind, you could share it with me sometime.”

“Yukinon…”

“Watch out, Yukinoshita,” I said. “This time, Buddha’s watching you, too.”

Now, I could see some mandala-like thing floating behind them. That’s not very romantic.

“But man,” said Yuigahama, “Hikki and Yukinon and Sai-chan and Snowflake, all of you have meaningful names…ah!”

“What is it?” I asked.

Gloom was clouding Yuighama’s face. “W-well… I just noticed, but, like… I-I’m the only one who doesn’t have a nickname.”

“Uh, you forced those nicknames on us, though,” I said. “I’m not happy at all about the one you gave me.”

Yukinoshita chimed in. “I tried to make you stop, too, but you wouldn’t drop it, so I capitulated…”

“Hrrm,” added Zaimokuza. “I, too, am somewhat offended by the epithet ‘Special Snowflake…’”

Complaint after complaint after complaint.

Yuigahama, however, was unmoved. “Huh? Why? I thought they were good nicknames…”

Totsuka attempted to mollify her. “Oh, I—I don’t mind my nickname, though. I think the nickname ‘Hikki’ is cute and nice, too.”

“I know, right? Right?!” Yuigahama cheered up.

“Well, I guess it’s not as bad as the monikers I’ve had in the past,” I said.

“In the past? So you’ve had others before?” Yukinoshita asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “Time for Top Three Things My Classmates Called Me That I Hated!”

“This sounds random and depressing.” Yuigahama seemed rather nonplussed by my announcement.

Komachi, on the other hand, was totally gung-ho. “And I’m his assistant, Komachi! Presenting number three!” She seized the role of announcer.

“Number three,” I began the list.

“Da-dum!” Zaimokuza provided a drum roll, and I paused for effect.

“…Hikigaya-in-first-year’s older brother.”

For a moment, Yukinoshita looked depressed. “It’s quite an experience to hear that from your own classmates… It’s denying your entire existence, isn’t it…?”

“It’s not my brother’s fault!” Komachi protested. “I attract a little more attention than he does, and so tragedy struck!”

I held back my tears and declared the next one. “Number two.”

“Da-dum!” Zaimokuza’s drum roll reverberated through the room, and silence followed.

“That one over there.”

“Hrrm. I, too, have had such an experience. They tend to employ demonstratives like that or it. Well, it can be an awesome and terrifying thing to have a name such as mine pass your lips, so I don’t blame them!” Before I knew it, Zaimokuza had launched into his commentary.

Of course, Komachi again assumed the role of announcer. “And finally, the shocking number one!”

“N-number one…,” I declared.

“Da-dum!”

Zaimokuza again thumped for dramatic effect.

“Gulp.”

With a collective sound from their throats, everyone waited for me to continue.

“I—I don’t want to say…” I really, really didn’t want to say this one. My eyes spontaneously welled with tears.

Totsuka tenderly rubbed my back. “So it was that bad… H-Hachiman, you don’t have to force yourself, okay?”

“Thanks, Totsuka…” A sob threatened to escape my throat.

“If this is just digging up trauma for you, you never should have brought it up in the first place…,” Yuigahama quipped mercilessly.

“You shuddup! You just have this bizarre obsession with nicknames, so I wanted to shatter your illusions!”

“I think you’re a unique case, Hikigaya…,” quipped Yukinoshita.

I think this kind of thing is fairly ubiquitous, though. Seriously, nicknames are bad news.

Whether or not Komachi knew my feelings on the matter, she made a suggestion. “Well then, why don’t we do this?” she said. “Let’s all come up with a nice nickname for Yui.”

“You’re a good girl, Komachi!” said Yuigahama. “Okay, so starting now, you’re Macchi.”

“Whoa, Yui,” replied Komachi. “You have no taste.”

“Huh? No way… I thought that one was great.”

Heedless of Yuigahama’s mild shock, Totsuka pored over the matter. “Hmm…a nickname, huh? Yuihoho?”

“Oh, ’cause she’s a ho, right?” I said. “I like how you think, Totsuka. Why not call her a plain ho, though?”

“Stop calling me a ho! Rejected!”

“Hmm, maybe it’d be worth a lot of Komachi points if I called you Big Sis?” Komachi suggested.

“Hey!” replied Yuigahama. “Manipulation is not allowed! Way too embarrassing! Rejected!”

“Ma-hmm…,” Zaimokuza considered. “The Black Byakko.”

“Uh, a nickname is not the same thing as a pen name,” I said. “…And you do know Byakko is white, right? Pick a color!”

“Rejected! Obviously!” declared Yuigahama.

We were all vetoed one after another—Totsuka (or actually, me, I guess), Komachi, and then Zaimokuza. Then, Yukinoshita, who had been biding her time, took the stage. “Well…what about Yuinon?”

“Huh? It sounds weird…” Yuigahama instantly shot her down.

Yukinoshita’s eyebrow twitched. “That’s rich, considering your own choice of nicknames… In that case, why don’t you simply create one yourself?” she said.

Yuigahama contemplated for a moment. “It’s awkward to come up with a nickname for yourself…”

“You may not have noticed, but you’re already awkward…,” I said.

“Shut up! And, like, I’m not awkward at all. I’m supernormal.”

Yukinoshita nodded vigorously. “Yes, you’re exceedingly normal. Perfectly unexceptional.”

“That’s kind of a hurtful way to put it!” Yuigahama protested.

“Coming from Yukinoshita, that’s a rare compliment,” I said.

“She thinks that’s a compliment?!”

“In her eyes, not calling you ‘garbage’ or ‘scum’ is high praise. Just think up a nickname, already.”

“Hmm… But I can’t just create one out of the blue…oh!” Yuigahama had a flash of insight.

Totsuka turned an expectant gaze toward her. “Did you think of something?”

“Yeah… I’m Yui Yuigahama, so…Y-Yuiyui, I guess?”

“Pft!” I broke into snickers. Come on, for real? That’s as embarrassing as you can get.

“H-hey! Why are you laughing?” Yuigahama snapped at me.

Yukinoshita eyed the other girl with concern. “Giving yourself such an embarrassing nickname… Are you a masochist? If you have any issues, you can talk to me…”

“She’s sincerely worried about me!” exclaimed Yuigahama, in shock.

Totsuka and Komachi, on the other hand, seemed to think her choice was passable. “I think it works, though,” said Totsuka. “Don’t you think it’s cute?”

“Yeah, it’s really Yui-ish,” Komachi agreed.

That seemed to restore Yuigahama’s confidence. “Y-yeah! I’m not awkward at all!”

“Oh, I think it’s kinda weird to be saying that about yourself, though,” I remarked.

“Now he’s looking away with this little smile!” Yuigahama held her head in her hands and moaned.

Then, an unexpected party brought reinforcements. “Hrrm,” said Zaimokuza. “’Tis true that at times, you get used to it the more you say it. I was uncomfortable with the title of Master Swordsman when first I inherited it, but after three days, the conviction that I was indeed such a man had grown within me.”

“Well said, Snowflake!” replied Yuigahama. “But we’re nothing alike.”

“Hrrk, LOL.” After tossing Yuigahama a rope, Zaimokuza was the one to drown.

Yuigahama turned back to Yukinoshita. “So, Yukinon, would you give it a go?”

“No way.” Yukinoshita shut her down so firmly even Komachi flinched.

“Ack… No hesitation,” Komachi commented.

Yuigahama leaned my way, looking chagrined. “Nghh… Th-then…w-will you try calling me that?”

“Wha…what? I don’t wanna call you that fancy fairy-tale nickname.” To be precise, it was too mortifying to say.

After I expressed my reluctance, Yuigahama met my eyes for a fleeting instant and immediately looked away. “Th-then…just Yui…would be okay.” Perhaps Yuigahama found the nickname uncomfortable, too, as her fingers curled into the hem of her skirt, and she avoided eye contact, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Hmm. Our definition of a nickname has loosened,” commented Zaimokuza.

“Mr. Snowflake, they’re having a moment,” said Komachi, “so please be quiet.”

“Y-yes’m!”

For a brief moment, tranquil stillness engulfed that silent room.

“Come on, Hikki…” Yuigahama’s moist eyes slowly lifted, contemplating me earnestly.

“Y… Yu… Agh… If I have to give you a nickname, then…you know…can’t I just get rid of the useless part and call you Gahama or something?”

“You’d go that far to avoid saying ‘Yui’?!” Yuigahama was in shock.

“You’re a loser, Bro…,” scoffed Komachi.

Come on. I mean, it’s embarrassing…

Regardless, we couldn’t settle on a nickname, so Club Captain Yukinoshita brought the discussion to a close. “All right… Can we just call Yuigahama by her name?” she said.

“Whatever. Good enough…,” muttered Yuigahama.

Totsuka clasped his glass between his hands and slurped noisily from his straw. “Ah. My drink is empty.”

“Hmm? Oh, I’ll go get more, then.” I gently took his glass and my own, while I was at it, and stood.

Realizing my intention, Totsuka grinned and gave me his order. “Thanks. I’ll have a coffee!”

“Roger. Anyone else want something?” I asked, scanning the others.

Yukinoshita quickly raised her cup. “Black tea, Hikigaya.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll have cola, then!” added Komachi.

“All right. What about you, Gahama?” I asked Gahama next.

But her back was turned, and she made no move to reply. “…Hmph.”

“Gahama?” I asked again.

“Urgh! …Hmph!” This time, Gahama only glowered my way for an instant.

At a loss, I scratched my head. Oh well. I suppose I have no choice but to call her that. “Agh… Do you want something to drink…Yuiyui?”

“Oh, sorry. Let’s not do that nickname after all…” Yuiyui pressed her hands together in a pleading gesture.

“Tell me whatever you want. What’ll you have, Yuiyui?”

“Stop that, I said! Just give me what Komachi is having!”

“Okies. So is cola okay, Yui?”

“You’re so stubbo—huh?” Yuigahama blinked at me.

Well, um, like. That was a verbal typo.

And last was Zaimokuza. “What do you want to drink, Zaimokuza? Curry?”

“Are you treating me like the fat character? I shall go with Ultra Divine Water.”

“Cider. Got it.”

“You understood that, huh…? You and Mr. Snowflake sure are close,” remarked Komachi.

With all the orders in mind, I opened the door and left the room.

“Um…coffee, black tea, cola…and curry, right?” As I refilled the beverages at the drink bar, I heard music and voices belting at top volume. The source appeared to be the booth next to ours. “Whoa, the neighbors sure are partying it up. Well, I don’t want them partying so hard they bang on the walls, though… Maybe I should go tell them to tone it down.”

I’ve never regretted any reckless action more than the one I took at that moment. If I had never witnessed the harrowing scene that ensued, I’ve no doubts I would have been able to return home in peaceful bliss that day. But I never could have foreseen the tragedy I would discover…

I approached the neighboring room and rapped lightly on the door. But the music seemed to be drowning out the quiet knocks. “Hmm? Can they not hear me? Well, I’ll try peeking in.” I gingerly turned the doorknob and peered in through the open sliver. “Ohh…is that…Miss…Hiratsuka? Yeah, she’s by herself, so it’s definitely her.”

Miss Hiratsuka is almost always alone, so it was her for sure. She was clutching a mike and staring at the screen in an enervated stupor. “Heh… Love songs are nothing but fraud, deceit, and lies. I don’t feel like singing… And to make matters worse, the people in the next room sound like they’re having a blast, like they got married or something… You normies can go die in a fire…”

The moment I heard her voice, I panicked and closed the door, but I couldn’t hold back the sobs that escaped. “Ngh…ghk… M-Miss Hiratsuka… Seriously, someone marry this woman already… Oh crap, she’s coming.” As she stirred beyond the door, I rushed back toward the drinks and assumed my best nonchalant facade.

Fatigued, Miss Hiratsuka approached the drink bar. “Agh… I’m thirsty… Hmm? Hikigaya? I’m surprised to see you here.”

“H-Hello, Miss Hiratsuka. Wh-why are you here?” I asked.

She momentarily panicked, but she immediately adopted her usual comportment. “Me? I… W-well, I’m, uh, letting off stress. You’re…oh, I see. Yuigahama’s birthday party. Are you having fun?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

A soft smile abruptly touched Miss Hiratsuka’s lips. “…I see. Ah, pardon me. I’m going to have a smoke.” After that comment, she pulled a cigarette out of her breast pocket, held it in her mouth, and lit it. The puff of smoke meandered around near the ceiling. “Maybe you’ve changed a little, lately. Before, you never would have come to something like a birthday party. But whatever brought you here, as your teacher, I’m glad to see these signs of growth.”

“Miss Hiratsuka…”

“But despite that, Hikigaya, this is you we’re talking about. You probably feel this kind of life is deceitful and fake. For now, that’s fine. Those profound doubts of yours are proof that you deeply consider life, and it’s good to do that. Things don’t have to come to you right away… I hope that one day, you’ll arrive at your own answers.”

So Miss Hiratsuka sees me for who I am, huh? She doesn’t reject the way I am now or affirm it. She’s just trying to see me through the process. When I realized that, my heart warmed very slightly. “Miss Hiratsuka…since you’re here, will you come say hi to everyone?”

“Hmm? I’m flattered by the invitation, but…earlier I told Yuigahama I was going to a party… If by any chance you kids find out I was kicked out of the matchmaking party… No, I’ll pass. I’d feel bad for crashing your party.”

“You wouldn’t be crashing it. At the very least, we can clap along while you sing songs that none of us know because of the generation gap!”

Even though I was trying to be considerate, for some reason Miss Hiratsuka’s hand slowly began to form a fist. “Hikigaya, clench your teeth… Shocking First Bullet!”

“They have a drink bar here, though.” I heard Yukinoshita’s voice. “I thought for sure those were only at family restaurants.”

“Uh, I think most karaoke places have some kind of drink bar.” Yuigahama’s voice followed.

Komachi chimed in. “Now that you mention it, why did you decide on karaoke, Yui? If you wanted all-you-can-drink, we could just have gone to a family restaurant…”

“Maybe it was because…karaoke has private rooms?” suggested Totsuka.

“Ohh, I gotcha! But since we’re here, anyway, I’d like to sing a bit,” Komachi said in a subtle invitation.

I guess Yuigahama noticed, as she jumped on the idea. “Yeah! You know, I was getting the impression here that no one wanted to sing, so I just avoided it without thinking about it.”

“The way you live seems exhausting, as always, Yuigahama…,” said Yukinoshita. “You don’t have to abstain from what you want. Besides, isn’t it your birthday today? You’re allowed to be a little self-interested.”

“Yukinon… Oh, th-then…”

I heard snippets of their conversation through the door before I gave it a light rap, rap. “Heeey, open up!”

“Bro, you’re back.”

“I’ll get the door, okay, Hachiman?” Totsuka trotted up and opened it for me.

“Thanks, Totsuka.”

Maybe it was the slight sadness tinging my voice, but Totsuka peered up at me with worry. “H-Hachiman? What’s wrong? Did something made you sad?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Nothing at all. No depressing sights whatsoever…” Indeed, nothing had happened. There had been no miserable single teacher… The punch had wiped out my memory of it. If it hadn’t, I would have been a little upset.

When I set down the tray of glasses, I saw an offended Zaimokuza. “Hachiman! You took too long! Don’t leave me all by my lonesome! I instinctively started playing games on my phone!”

“Cram it. In a situation like this, a loner avoids looks of pity by running all the errands.”

“Whoa, what a horrible skill you’ve leveled up!” Komachi sure chose a weird thing to be impressed by.

My idea must have made sense to Zaimokuza, since he eventually slapped his knee after a bit of whining. “Nghhh. Next time, you are permitted to invite me when you go get drinks! I shall allow it!”

“No need to be so passive-aggressive. Here, Yukinoshita, your tea.” I handed her the cup.

Yukinoshita accepted it without complaint and continued the conversation with Yuigahama. “Thank you. So, Yuigahama, what did you want to do?”

“Oh yeah. Yukinon, let’s sing together. It’s embarrassing by myself.”

“Absolutely not.” Once again, Yukinoshita immediately refused.

“Huh?! But just now, you said you’d do anything I asked!”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Give it up,” I said. “You’ll have to throw in the towel, Yuigahama. Yukinoshita just doesn’t have confidence in her singing. Read between the lines here.”

“Really?” Yuigahama asked, puzzled.

Yukinoshita puffed out her chest, softly put her hand over her heart, and struck a rather haughty pose. “Heh. I can’t have you looking down your nose at me. Be it violin, piano, or Electone, music is something of a hobby of mine.”

“Is there a point to doing both piano and Electone…?” Anyway, I suppose she was trying to convey that she was musically accomplished.

“I have no particular objections to singing,” said Yukinoshita. “I only lack confidence in my ability to sing an entire song all the way through.”

“That’s a pretty hard-core lack of stamina, there…,” I said. Can you even stay alive like that?

Yuigahama gave Yukinoshita’s sleeve a few light tugs. “Yukinon, Yukinon. If we sing together, you’ll expend half the energy, you know?”

“Under what mathematical system? Well, if you insist, I’ll do just one song with you,” Yukinoshita agreed.

“Yay!” Yuigahama bounced.

Komachi handed them the touchpad. “Okay, then maybe I’ll sing one after you guys. What about you, Totsuka?”

While Yuigahama and Yukinoshita examined the selection of songs, Totsuka gently pointed at one of them. “Hmm…I’d like to sing this one…”

“That singer is a lady, though,” said Komachi.

“Oh, I see… I wonder if I’ll be able to sing it…” Totsuka looked a little discouraged.

“Oh, I don’t think that’ll be a problem…,” Komachi replied. “If you’re unsure, I’ll help you out, ’kay?”

He beamed at her. “Really? Thanks. I was kinda embarrassed to do it alone.”

“Urk… I—I…I get why he makes you lose your mind now, Bro.”

Yup, yup, now you understand, too. Also, I haven’t lost my mind.

“Hrrm. It seems everyone is pairing up to sing.” For some reason, Zaimokuza was inching toward me.

“Huh? Hey, hey, hold on a second. Don’t you think something funny’s happening here? I thought our boy-girl ratio was even. Who even decided I have to pair up with Zaimokuza?!” I demanded, but nobody heeded me.

“Heh, my anime songs folder has been waiting for this day. So should we begin our assault with the late nineties?”

“Hey, I won’t deny I like that stuff, too, but I don’t wanna sing with you!”

“Hey, hey, it’s too late to say that now,” said Zaimokuza. “I don’t wish to be the solo bard, either. I think it would make everyone feel awkward.”

“So you do have some self-awareness…,” I replied. “Forget it. Let’s just sit quietly in the corner and pat our knees to the beat…”

“No! I can resist no longer! We shall sing! And when I do, raise your ultra orange glow sticks, please.”

“Who cares about the color of the glow sticks?!” Besides, our turn would clearly be the downer piece of the evening, so something that obnoxiously bright wasn’t even an option.

Meanwhile, the other pairs were steadily making their plans. “Ah, okay, then Yukinon and I will sing this one,” said Yuigahama.

“Ah, I’m not familiar with that song, though. Hey, are you listening?”

Apparently, Yuigahama was not, as she immediately input the song. “Hmm…now, where’s the Confirm button…?” she muttered.

“Right here, right here,” chirped Komachi.

Beep-beep-beep, trilled the machine.

“Oh, ohhhh~! Dividing Driver!” Zaimokuza crooned. “Hrrm. It seems my throat is in good condition.” He practiced his enunciation of Ga-ga-ga! in earnest.

“C-come on, hold on a minute, please! At least make it with Totsuka. Let me sing with Totsuka!” I protested.

An unfeeling synthetic voice interrupted Zaimokuza’s vocal warm-ups. “The song is about to begin.”

Yukinoshita let out a short sigh. “Aghh… Good grief.”

“Yukinon, come on, come on! It’s starting!”

“Yuigahama, the mike, please.”

“Whoa, you’re actually really into this!”

When I come to a birthday party, I don’t really fit in. When I get a nickname, it just rubs salt in old wounds. And when I do karaoke, I end up in a duet with another guy… As I expected…my youth romantic comedy is wrong…

The automatic doors slid apart, and Yuigahama stepped outside, stretching. “Hnnng! What a great session! It’s been so long since I last did karaoke. That was so fun. Let’s come again sometime, Yukinon!”

“If I come with you, I imagine I’d be compelled to sing several songs in a row. I’d really rather not. I can’t believe you forced me to sing five whole songs after that…,” Yukinoshita said as she exited after Yuigahama, totally fed up.

“Huh?! But you were so good! Let’s go again!” Yuigahama pleaded.

“Oh, me too, me too! I want to go, too!” Komachi leaped up to Yukinoshita’s other side.

Trapped between the two girls, Yukinoshita flushed a little. “…Well, I don’t mind coming with you on occasion.”

“Yeah, thanks,” said Yuigahama. “And thanks for today, too. I was so happy to have tons of different people come to my birthday party…”

“I’m not the one you should be thanking,” replied Yukinoshita. “He’s the one who gathered everyone together.”

“Y-yeah… H-Hikki…”

I exited the karaoke parlor after the girls, and Yuigahama spun around to face me.

“What?” I asked.

“Um, thanks for… Huh?”

She started to speak, but then she glanced suspiciously at something behind me. Following her line of sight, I discovered a figure standing just behind the automatic doors. After a mechanical whirr, a single woman emerged. “Agh… I spent all that time by myself. Well, if I go home, I’ll still be alone, anyway… Heh-heh,” she chuckled scornfully.

Yuigahama spoke up, puzzled. “Miss Hiratsuka? Weren’t you at a party?”

“Y-Yuigahama?! Y-you guys are still here?!” Miss Hiratsuka panicked as her eyes lit on each member of our group.

At the word party, I suddenly remembered something and blurted without thinking, “A party? Wait, do you mean like a marriage matchmaking party…?”

“…Did it not go well?” Yukinoshita asked, a note of pity coloring her voice.

Yuigahama attempted to comfort the teacher. “M-Miss Hiratsuka? You know, um…marriage isn’t everything! You have your career, and you’re strong, so I’m sure you’ll be fine single. So cheer up, please!”

But the moment Miss Hiratsuka heard, tears welled up in her eyes. “W-waaaaaaaah! Someone told me the exact same thing once…,” she mumbled. It was so heartbreaking, our spirits fell simply from hearing it. She promptly dashed off at top speed.

“Ah. She ran away,” I said.

The Doppler effect distorted Miss Hiratsuka’s cry as the distance widened between us, her lament reverberating through the night covering the city. “Agh… I want to get married…”



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