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SS 1

Short Story 1

Hachiman Hikigaya’s idea of “Mom’s cooking” is wrong, as I expected.

It was the height of fall, the season of reading. Normally, I would be deep in a book right about then, but that day it would not be so. Instead, we were having a staring contest with the laptop Miss Hiratsuka had shoved in our faces.

“‘The Chiba Prefecture–Wide Advice E-mail…’” I repeated the title uncomfortably and without enthusiasm. Yuigahama responded with a patter of applause.

Turning the page of her paperback, Yukinoshita paused to shoot me a questioning look. “…So where are these coming from?”

“I figured Miss Hiratsuka had something to do with that…” Recently, Miss Hiratsuka had added this advice e-mail thing to the Service Club’s list of duties. She said people around the school would send us e-mails with their problems.

Yuigahama peered at the laptop screen to read out the e-mail. “Um, the first message of the day is…from Chiba city, with the username: Master Swordsman General.”

Why even bother having a fake name…? It called to mind not only his name but his whole face and figure.

Request for advice from username: Master Swordsman General

I may have M-2 syndrome, but I want to be in love.

Response from the Service Club:

You can fall in love, even with M-2 syndrome. Why not muster your courage and try confessing your feelings? Then she’s sure to tell you how she feels, too: “I’m sorry.”

“……You know he’s gonna get rejected?!” After reading it aloud, Yuigahama clued in a little late.

One-sided feelings and heartbreak are just part of being in love, though.

Unfortunately, as you can see, all the requests we’d gotten were garbage. Also, despite how this was supposed to be “Prefecture-Wide,” they only ever came from within Chiba city.

Anyway, that was one down, so on to the next. I prompted Yuigahama with a look.

“Right, well, I’ll read the next one, then? Um…from username: Woman with stable income (teaching) looking for husband.”

Come on, seriously, is there any point in trying to conceal who that is? And it’s blatant self-advertising, to boot. She’s way too gung ho about this. That username alone tells the whole story.

Request for advice from username: Woman with stable income (teaching) looking for husband

This is embarrassing to admit, but I’m not very good at housekeeping. I’m a bad cook, too, of course. I’m hopelessly anxious about getting married (lol). I don’t even know whether I can get married in the first place (lol). I’d like to master cooking at least one dish. Is there anything that men generally like (lol) that’s also easy to make and also that men generally like (lol)? Oh, whoops, I wrote that twice (lol). Anyway, is there some kind of easy-to-make meal that will leave a good impression on a man?


“Don’t ask your students about this…,” I moaned.

Nope. Seriously, actually nope. And all those self-deprecating lols? Legitimately, sincerely scary. Nope.

But it seemed the horror of this didn’t reach the girls, as the two of them discussed it with no apparent concerns.

“Oh, like beef stew or something? Like the sort of comfort food your mom would make?” suggested Yuigahama.

“A Japanese-style Salisbury steak is a little twist on the standard. I think it might give a unique impression,” said Yukinoshita.

Well, both of those suggestions were solid—and that was exactly why they wouldn’t work. “Hold on there. That’s trying too hard; it comes off as creepy. That’ll just bite you in the ass.” If a woman makes stuff like that for you, it’s easy to assume she’s thinking, Making this is a safe bet (lol)! Men are so easy (lol)! And I wouldn’t like that. I might be a little prejudiced.

“So what would be good, then?” Yukinoshita gave me a piercing glare.

With a rather more nervous look, Yuigahama added, “Oh, I’d really like to know, too…sorta.”

“Sounds to me like you guys don’t understand what Mom’s cooking really is. Listen, moms treat sons and daughters completely different. To the boys of the world, Mom’s cooking is…” I paused, and Yuigahama leaned forward. Hmm, it’s not like I’m saying anything that amazing, though…

“…Some random meat fried up with rice on the side. That’s Mom’s cooking.”

“…I shouldn’t have bothered asking,” Yuigahama muttered.

“I wonder what he’s going to say, and then…”

The two of them looked ready to nuke me to Neo Tokyo.

But I had my own point to make. “Anyway, boys have pretty simple tastes. Not to mention, you’re cooking every day once you get married, you know?” I said.

Yukinoshita put her hand to her jaw in a thoughtful gesture. “Hmm, that’s true. For a daily menu, you need to come up with some go-tos that never get old…”

“Naw, I just mean making anything complicated is a pain in the butt. Easy stuff is best.”

“You’re taking the househusband approach here?! …And yet, that’s such a realistic way to look at it…” Yuigahama started off surprised, and then a note of resignation crept into her expression.

Yukinoshita breathed a short sigh. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind. We can probably include that idea in the reply,” she said, and with her usual cool demeanor, she quietly and quickly began typing.

Reply from the Service Club:

Beef stew or Japanese-style Salisbury steak are some ideas, but after taking into account a boy’s view of “Mom’s cooking,” we would recommend ginger-fried pork. However, Miss Hiratsuka, shouldn’t you prioritize your search for a partner?

…There really is no point in having usernames.

Someone marry this woman already, seriously.

 



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