BT
Bonus track!
“Komachi Hikigaya’s Plot.”
This bonus track is a novelization of the script from the limited special edition drama CD Komachi Hikigaya’s Plan, from a My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected event. The script features an episode set immediately after Volume 3 of the main series as well as the bonus track Like, This Sort of Birthday Song.
Were we not born to play? Were we not born for fun?
So it is written in the songs of old in Ryojin Hisho. But is fun the raison d’être of humanity? If it is, then life is play itself, and everything in life is a game.
Be that as it may, we don’t know exactly what the words play or fun refer to here. The words mean a wide variety of things; these are vaguely defined terms.
For example, “Hey, hey, let’s have some fun, honey,” makes me think, Go and die, normie, while “You were just playing with me, weren’t you?!” makes me really think, Go and die, normie.
If you play around too much when you’re cooking, it’ll generally turn into a disaster, and when you try something and fail at it, it’s common to excuse yourself by saying “Oh, that was just for fun.”
In other words, play is nothing but trouble.
But on the other hand, if the goal of life is to have fun and fun is nothing but trouble, then life is nothing but trouble.
Ryojin Hisho is impressive indeed, to so accurately predict the awful fates of people who play around. Emperor Go-Shirakawa went bald for a reason. It was probably all those tribulations that did it. He should be ranked up there with Bruce Willis and Nicholas Cage as one of the top three coolest bald guys in the world. I think instead of implanting hair, we should be implanting the idea that baldness is a cool status symbol.
Anyway, to sum up, the pros and cons of the terms fun, or play, as well as the behavior they refer to, should be called into question.
What will become of you if you do nothing but play around? That tragic eventuality is not difficult to imagine.
But if you pore over the history on the subject, you discover “a Gadabout can change classes to Sage at level 20.”
So then, well, you know…maybe it’s fine for me to play around a little bit…
It wasn’t like we planned it or anything, but we ended up throwing a birthday party for Yuigahama.
There was Yuigahama, Yukinoshita, Totsuka, who joined us on the way, and Komachi, who was waiting for us there. Plus, we decided to take along Zaimokuza for the sake of altruism. With me in the party as well, we all went to karaoke, and there I witnessed something I never should have seen.
Our thirtyish teacher had been driven out of a matchmaking party and had come to karaoke alone to kill time. Yeah, that’d make you sing about some heartbreak…the melancholy strains of an enka ballad…
When this thirtyish matchmaking-party-leaving enka-singing teacher had found us, she’d let out a cry of grief and run off.
The humidity of the rainy season air abated at sunset, and the wind blowing toward the sea was cool. A wail of sorrow rode that wind to my ears.
“I want to get married…”
This longing, so simple and basic, echoed through the town at night.
I don’t know if it was that Doppler effect or whatever you call it (PaRappa effect?), but that voice strangely stuck in my ears. In fact, it even made my eyes misty and created pain in my chest. What the heck, does her voice work like mustard gas?
It seemed I wasn’t the only one feeling chest pains, as all eyes shifted in the direction Miss Hiratsuka had disappeared.
We were speechless. But then Totsuka, the most decent human being of the group, spoke up with concern. “M-Miss Hiratsuka ran off crying… I wonder if she’s okay…?”
As expected of Totsuka. He’s so kind. He really is. It was so incredibly kind of him to let me see that hesitant timidity as he peered off toward the corner where Miss Hiratsuka had turned.
The reply was less kind—cold as ice, in fact. “She’s old enough, so I figure she’s all right,” Yukinoshita said calmly, lightly sweeping her hair back.
If she would just keep her mouth shut, she’d be easy on the eyes, too… But she wasn’t exactly wrong. In fact, she was too right. I found myself agreeing with her. “I guess. In fact, age-wise, she’s more than old enough.”
Seriously, she really is more than old enough—so please, someone, take her soon.
“Herm, a brave declaration, such that fears not death… Bravery is our birthright, lads!” Off to the side, Zaimokuza wiped sweat from his brow with a look of terror as he cried out with even more melodrama and…annoyingness.
“Well anyway, the party was fun, huh?” Komachi casually sidestepped his weighty declaration. As expected of the Hikigaya household’s ultimate communication weapon. She smoothly ignored Zaimokuza himself, a man who anyone else would hesitate to deal with.
Then Yuigahama smiled brightly, employing her constantly-checking-up-on-everyone-style communication skills. “Thanks so much for today, Komachi-chan. You guys, too.”
Komachi smiled back at her, and Yukinoshita, watching from a little ways away, also breathed a gentle sigh of relief. Well, she must have been trying to be thoughtful in her own way that day, too.
Thanks for your efforts. I figured shooting her a look of gratitude would ruin this nice good mood, so I kept that to myself.
As long as Yuigahama was satisfied, that was enough.
Plus, well, it wasn’t like I was bored out of my mind the whole time, either.
“That was so fun, I lost track of time,” Totsuka commented, which led Zaimokuza and me to both check our phone clocks.
“Herm, now that you mention it, ’tis already that time. The hour of darkness begins…” For some reason, Zaimokuza gazed off into the distant western sky, dyed crimson with the looming sunset. If I were to indulge him, we really would be here till the sun went down, though, so I casually ignored him.
“Uh-huh. I’m going, then. See you.”
“Oh yeah. See you later.” Yuigahama timidly waved good-bye, and I replied with a nonchalant raise of my hand.
But then in the corner of my eye, I saw Komachi. It seemed she was up to something, as she wriggled and creeped up to Yuigahama. “Light bulb! Yui!” When Komachi popped up there suddenly, Yuigahama let out a confused cry, then Komachi rattled on to her in a whisper.
And what is that girl planning…? I had a bad feeling tugging at me from behind, making it real hard to go. I walked away slowly, but I could hear little snatches of what Komachi was saying.
“You’re okay with just going home now? I feel bad about saying this, as his little sister, but it’s rare, superrare, for my brother to go out of the house at all… The next time he’ll go out will be…glance,” she said in the most obvious way as she looked over at me.
Yuigahama seemed to be considering this, as her waving gradually slowed—and eventually stopped. “Wai… Wai… Wait. Wait!” Feet pattering against the ground, Yuigahama came up to me. “L-let’s have some more fun!”
“Huh? There’s a strict curfew at my house.”
I will instantly refuse any invitation. This is a loner’s standard move, as well as an evasive instinct. I mean, you know, if you say you’ll go, and then it turns out they were just inviting you to be polite, and you get an Oh, you’re going… with that strained smile like that time in middle school with the class party, then you’d feel bad, right? Meeting thoughtfulness with thoughtfulness is the courtesy of an adult.
But it seemed Yuigahama had not meant to be polite, and she turned to Komachi in order to verify my testimony. “Is that right, Komachi-chan?” she asked.
“No. There’s nothing like that at our house.” Komachi shook her head.
Our house is the laissez-faire type. Well, more like our parents are busy, so they wouldn’t be home yet.
Upon Komachi’s reply, I heard the phew of a quiet sigh. “Telling a lie in front of your sister, knowing it’ll be immediately exposed… I don’t know whether to call it brash or brave… It’s rare enough for someone to invite you out, so why not gracefully accept?” Yukinoshita said, exasperated.
But who’s gonna want to go when you talk to them like that? How bad at invitations can you get?
“Uh, well, we have a cat at home,” I answered. “I’ve gotta go home and take care of him.”
A shoddy invitation gets a shoddy refusal.
Yukinoshita stopped in her tracks. Then she hesitated just a moment.
I could hear the meow of a cat—most likely from either my or Yukinoshita’s brain.
She nodded with an mm-hmm. “I see. If it’s for a cat, this is the only way.”
“That convinced you?!” said Komachi. “Listen, the cat’s fine! Y-you know, they say that pets resemble their owners, so I’m sure he’s fine by himself!”
“Hey, you didn’t need to add that last part.” It’s certainly true that both Komachi and I are not only fine being left alone—we kind of want you to keep your distance. But that kind of makes it sound like we can’t function in society, or even like we’re no longer human.
But Yuigahama did not listen to what I had to say at all. In fact, she was tug-tugging on Yukinoshita’s sleeve and looking at me with moist eyes, too. “Come on, let’s have some more fun! We’re all going.”
“When did we all decide to go…? Hey, does this include me?” Yukinoshita expressed her displeasure at finding the plan had been decided without her input.
But Yuigahama puffed out her chest as if this were completely obvious. “Of course!” she said emphatically.
Yukinoshita blinked, then tilted her face downward. “I—I see…”
Yukinoshita’s muted and stuttering response must have puzzled Yuigahama, as she peered at Yukinoshita’s face with some concern. “…You didn’t want to?”
“I don’t mean that… I’m just somewhat surprised.” She raised her face again and shook her head a little. Her smooth, glossy black hair swayed slightly, covering her blushing cheeks.
But Yuigahama was right in front of her, so Yukinoshita probably couldn’t hide her blush entirely. Yuigahama seemed captivated by that gesture, as she let out the slightest sigh.
…Oh no, Yukinoshita’s completely fallen for her. These girlish lovers are a sight to behold, like a golden mosaic.
And then yet another white lily jumped into this yuri-licious scene. “So, so then I take it you can come, too, Yukino?! That’d be worth a lot of Komachi points!” Komachi brightly said to her.
Comparatively calmer, Yukinoshita replied, “Yes. This is Yuigahama, after all. So even if I were to refuse, I figure she would keep trying, so I won’t cause a fuss. I’ll come along.”
“Yay! Then you come, too, Hikki!” Now with Yukinoshita on as an ally, Yuigahama was suddenly encouraged.
And then unexpected reinforcements came to her side. “Aye, Hachiman. Prepare thyself! If you go, then I…shall go!”
“You like me too much…”
I ended up on the receiving end of Zaimokuza’s annoying love call. He’s gotten a little too attached to me lately, and I’m scared…of myself, for being on the edge of acknowledging his existence.
But I am a man. I have my pride. I have my self-respect. I have my convictions.
I’m not going to recant what I’ve said that easily. A man does not go back on his word. If I said I don’t want to do something, then I will absolutely never do it. Also, even if I have said I’ll do something, whether or not I’ll do it depends on the time and circumstances.
I could not have them misjudging me. I will pull out all the stops to make things easier on myself. This was why I would go so far as attempt to bullshit Yuigahama to get out of this.
“Listen, Yuigahama. What is fun anyway? If you live a vague, aimless life, you’ll die a vague, aimless death. Are you okay with that?”
“Why are you lecturing me…?” Yuigahama made grumpy noises at me, but she should have been grateful that I hadn’t even added any real punch to that lecture. Seeing the exasperation in her face, though, I supposed I’d pulled off a decent smoke screen.
During this moment of relief, Yukinoshita put her hand to her chin and lightly shook her head. “…You do have a point, though. Now that you mention it, the word fun is rather vague,” she muttered, as if talking to herself.
Komachi stuck up her pointer finger and looked up into the air as she began to think. “Hmm, when you say play, like hide-and-seek or tag, it comes off nice and simple, which, in terms of Komachi points—”
“Points, points, points. Shut up. Are you a convenience store clerk? I didn’t bring my card.” Every time they ask me that, I don’t have my card, and it makes me feel guilty. To make it worse, they might say, Oh! That’s fine, but then the follow-up attack will be the kindly asked Do you want to make a new one? and then I end up replying, Oh! I’m fine. What the heck is that Oh even for? Is there, like, a rule where you have to put it before every word? It’s like that one you always have to put before English nouns.
As I was indulging myself with trivial thoughts of this nature…
“And then there’s color tag, and freeze tag, and high-safe tag… Um…and also…” Totsuka was earnestly folding down his fingers as he tried to remember. It sounded like he was trying to derive an answer to the question of What is play? by listing out every game. Coming up with examples and drawing commonalities in order to come up with the truth—truly a wonderful method. His slightly parted lips as he considered were cherubic. Truly wonderful.
So I decided to help, too. “Then there’s cops and robbers, and robbers and cops, I guess.”
Immediately, Yuigahama’s mouth popped open in confusion. “Aren’t those the same thing?” she asked.
What? Don’t open your mouth like an idiot; I’ll stick garbage in it. Just close your mouth—close it.
I gave her a squinty, rotten-eyed look, and Yukinoshita patted her on the shoulder. “Yuigahama, Hikigaya hasn’t had much experience playing with other people, so he won’t have been exposed to much variety. Please be considerate.”
Now realizing that, Yuigahama apologized most sincerely. “Ah, o-oh… I-I’m sorry.”
“Don’t actually apologize to me like that. I don’t want to face my past.”
Also, Yukinoshita was acting like she was being all considerate of me, but that wasn’t at all what was happening, you know? How could she say stuff like that with such a big smile on her face?
“But Bro, you never played outside at all.” Komachi took the opportunity to bring up my youth as a rosy-cheeked young boy. Well, it’s less rosy-cheeked and more red-faced shame, though…
“Shuddup, I’m a modern boy. I’m living in the future!”
Yukinoshita burst into a brilliant smile and said, as if that had quite convinced her, “Well, you need someone to play with in order to play the more active games outside. Oh, so that’s why they called you Hikki? The name follows the nature, as they say. What a truly apt saying.”
How sweet. She’s about as sweet as MAX Coffee. Whoa, that’s really sweet, though. I guess that’d be too sweet—maybe like gelato level. Hey, why the hell is canned MAX Coffee sweeter than actual sweets?
“Ha! Don’t you underestimate loners. I can play active games all by myself.”
“Yeah, yeah, Bro is always boxing with the string dangling from the ceiling bulb, or tossing three-point shots with his socks into the wash basket!”
Hey? Komachi-chan? Why are you telling people this? Look, Yukinoshita’s starting to get exasperated, you know?
“He’s doing it in the present continuous tense, huh…? How stupid can you be…?”
“I can’t help it. Once you start, you just kinda get into it.” In fact, it gets more fun over time. Recently, I’ve been pitching with my favorite socks. I’ve taken the mound as closer nine times, and lately, I’ve been amusing myself by imagining a scenario where I totally blank my opponents. By the way, my winning pitch is a knuckleball.
I considered explaining this to Yukinoshita in detail, but I could imagine the reaction I’d get if I did, so I dropped it. The one person who would probably understand—my sister, Komachi—did not seem interested in listening to what I had to say and was already moving on to the next topic.
“So that means wherever we go next, we’ll get into it once we get started. Let’s go, Bro!”
“Huh…?” I was getting a sneaking suspicion I’d been hoodwinked.
While I was still showing reluctance, Totsuka stepped up to me. “Um, I plan to go, so…I’d be glad if you were there, too, Hachiman.”
“Okay, where are we going? What are we doing? I’ll do anything that doesn’t involve breaking the law!” What?! Tell me that first! Suddenly, I’m starting to look forward to this!
“Herm. He changes his mind with such speed… He is Super High-Speed Transforming… Despairingly cool!” Zaimokuza met my cheer with an aggressive thumbs-up. I nearly returned the gesture on reflex, but upon seeing Zaimokuza himself, I managed to stop myself. Thank you, Zaimokuza.
“I feel like I’m missing something, but I can’t put my finger on it…” Yuigahama looked doubtful as she watched my exchange with Totsuka, but then she nodded and energetically clapped her hands. “…Anyway, now it’s decided!”
By contrast, Yukinoshita tilted her head, making thinking noises. “But what do you suggest? At our age, playing tag or house really would be rather absurd.”
“It’s not that weird. Normies are all basically playing house in the classroom.” They decide what roles they’ll be playing and interact according to the expectations of those roles, just like playing house. I guess you can be happy enough if you’re not aware you’re doing it, but once you can see the template of these conversations, of this way of life, it just gets sad. You have to bear that awareness your whole life. The only people you can share that feeling with are the others who have it themselves, but that very awareness makes it difficult to coexist with them.
Yukinoshita, who could probably understand this as well as I did, cracked a smile. “My, that way of putting it fits you perfectly. Someone who’s always playing hide-and-seek in the classroom will have a different eye for things.”
“I suppose. I’ve always been real good at hide-and-seek, you know. I’m so good that back in elementary school, I’d be hiding the whole time until everyone else went home.”
“A tragic talent…” Yukinoshita put her hand to her temple and breathed an exasperated sigh.
See? We really can’t coexist.
But Yuigahama was even worse. “But, Hikki, the classroom doesn’t really hide you? Actually, when you’re all alone, you just stick out in a bad way.”
“I’m surrounded by so many its… I really am…”
But even though they’re supposed to be it, none of them ever find me… Hachiman knows. All of Class 2-F are good friends! Except me.
“I-it’s okay, Hachiman. I’m here, too, now. So let’s just decide where we’re going to hang out? Okay?”
Found you, Hachiman! I could almost hear it as an angel desce—Oh, my mistake. That was just Totsuka talking. He was so pure, I was about to rise up to heaven…
“Herm, if no one else has any ideas, then the arcade would be splendid. This is my super-top number-one recommendation.”
As I was zoning out, I got the feeling someone had made a pompous suggestion…but anyway, Totsuka was right—we had to think of a place to go.
“So what are we gonna do?” I brought up the topic again.
Komachi had been deep in thought, and her hand suddenly shot up as if she’d just hit on an idea. “Oh! An arcade! Yeah, we could do that, couldn’t we? Okay, Komachi’s on board with the arcade!”
“Oh yeah, it’s close by. And last time I went with you, Hachiman, we weren’t able to play many games.” Totsuka agreed with Komachi, and I agreed with him.
“Okay, Totsuka. If that’s what you want, then let’s go with the arcade. And no one is allowed to argue.”
It seemed Yukinoshita and Yuigahama had no particular objections, as both of them nodded.
“Hmm? Hmm~? This is rather odd~? I was the one who just said that~?” Zaimokuza was at the back all alone, muttering to himself, but we just told him not to worry about it and pushed him along as we set off to the nearby arcade.
Right, the arcade with Totsuka! I hope we can do purikura again!
Ah, the arcade.
It’s a familiar hangout for high school kids. The loud noise keeps you from being bothered by the chattering of couples or groups of friends, and you can lose yourself in the crowd and feel you’re alone, which gives you some degree of internal peace. Thanks to the noise, everyone has an equal place here. It’s a venue that can put the heart of someone like me at relative ease.
“This place is so loud… So what should we do here?”
This must have been new to Yukinoshita, as she was glancing around. Yeah, when we went to the LaLaport mall before, that arcade was more family oriented. It was more light, more poppy, more amusement-centric, so this was probably the first time she had come to a real arcade, with all the clamor and tobacco smoke.
“Let’s start by looking around a bit,” I said. There was no point in just standing there and staring off into space. I prompted the others, and we went in to look.
As we were strolling around, Yuigahama noticed something and pointed. “Oh, that looks kinda fun.”
“Ohhh, that’s neat.” Komachi looked at what Yuigahama was pointing at. “Mah-jongg Fight Club, huh?”
“Wow, so you can play with anyone in the country online.”
With games these days, everything is all networked. I wish they would be more considerate of those people who don’t have enough friends to make a collection, or those who try to turn over a new leaf and still end up living in a tent without a place to call home.
“How about it? Do you want to try playing mah-jongg, Komachi-chan?” asked Yuigahama.
“Yeah! I’ll play you in national-tournament mode, Yui!”
“Don’t. I think you guys’d be supergood, so don’t.” Also, I think Yukinoshita’s sister, Haruno, would be loved by the tiles, and Kawa-something seems like she’d be supergood at digital style. I bet they’d all be good at mah-jongg…
Unaware of these opinions of mine, Yukinoshita gazed at the mah-jongg game cabinet from a distance and muttered, “Is mah-jongg a feminine game? I’ve never gotten that impression.”
“Yeah, it does come off like a man’s game, huh? It’s so masculine and cool…” Just as Totsuka said, maybe it was easier to imagine men playing mah-jongg. Like on the night of the school field trip, all the boys’ rooms had had mah-jongg tables set up.
Similarly, I play a bit of mah-jongg myself. Well, I say that, but I just know the hands. I can’t calculate the scores, I don’t know anything about tactics, and I don’t have anyone to play with, either. But the computer serves as my opponent, so that doesn’t trouble me.
Then I found my eyes moving toward a familiar arcade cabinet. Komachi perceptively caught the line of my eye and smirked. “Oh, that’s the mah-jongg game you always play, isn’t it, Bro? The one where they take off their uniforms if you win.”
“Hey, you jerk, shut up. Don’t talk about that now. Totsuka’ll hear.”
Don’t you go slandering your big brother, insinuating that he plays indecent games like that. What if that made Totsuka hate me, and he started blushing a little and saying shyly, N-nothing you can do about that, huh? Y-you’re a boy, after all, Hachiman…? I’d either want to die or maybe discover I enjoy the twisted thrill of imagining myself throwing uncensored porn at a cute girl who still believes in cabbage patches and storks.
Fortunately, it seemed Totsuka had not heard that.
I was breathing a sigh of relief when Yukinoshita’s voice attacked me like a spray of ice water down my back. “…Be a little more considerate of us.” I didn’t know if she was angry or exasperated, but it sure was a glare. Scary!
My fearful gaze swept away from her and ended up instead on Yuigahama, who was beckoning me over with little hand gestures. “Oh, but look, look, it seems like women often do it, too… Wait… Huh…?” Following Yuigahama’s pointing, I looked over and saw someone surrounded by a familiar air of sorrow.
“Oh, luck’s on my side today! At least the mah-jongg tiles like me. Why don’t men like me? I can go out in mah-jongg, but not on a date… Ha-ha-ha…hah…” Her deep sigh brought with it a cloud of tobacco smoke that obscured her face, but there was no mistaking that figure.
“It’s…Miss…Hira…tsuka…” Yuigahama said her name timidly, as if to make absolutely sure.
Apparently, after Miss Hiratsuka had fled from us, she’d ended up sulking and playing mah-jongg in this arcade, with nowhere else to go. Zaimokuza put a hand to his chest and stood tall as if mourning, while Totsuka sadly looked down.
A heavy and somewhat tragic mood hung heavy over the area, at odds with the cheery environs.
Whoa, I don’t wanna call out to her…
While I was waffling as to whether I should just ignore it or talk to her, Yukinoshita pushed me in the back. “Go on. She’s your homeroom teacher.”
“Don’t push me. And wait, could you please not make this my job?”
When did that get decided? If I go take care of her this once, it’ll keep going and eventually become a thing, and that’s the last thing I want, okay?
As we were having this exchange, from behind I heard some sort of mumbling. “A sorrowful single teacher… Ha! That works! That works in Komachi terms, too! It’s best to have as many candidates as possible…”
I turned around to see Komachi folding down fingers as she counted something. And then, once she’d arrived at her conclusion, she shot her hand up and stepped forward. “You just leave this to Komachi!” Before she even finished talking, she was already zooming over to Miss Hiratsuka’s side.
“She ran off with a big smile on her face…”
Just as Yukinoshita said, there was a great mischievous grin on her face, one I knew all too well. “Things never end well when she’s got that smile on…”
“Oh, I think I got that…” Yuigahama gave an awkward ta-ha.
Sorry my little sister is always causing you trouble. “Right? …Well, I do have to admit it’s cute, though.”
“Here comes the sister-complex…,” Yuigahama said with exasperation.
That’s not it, though. It’s not a sister-complex—I just love her.
Said beloved little sister quietly sneaked up behind Miss Hiratsuka and then called out to her in the cheeriest tone. “Teacher! ”
“Hmm? Wh-whoa, oh, H-Hikigaya’s sister… I-is something up?” Miss Hiratsuka must not have been expecting anyone to speak to her. Her back snapped rigidly, sending her stool scraping across the floor. The line of her back drew a pretty arch that made you imagine the supple muscles there. This has nothing to do with the current situation, but I think arching backs are superhot.
My little sister, knowing nothing of her brother’s heart (though the opposite is also true), drew closer to Miss Hiratsuka, brought her hands together in entreaty, and began her eloquent explanation. “Oh, no, not at all. We just happened to be hanging out here right now, and we were wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming with us. Well, actually, I was figuring we might need someone to keep an eye on my brother…”
“Uh… Uh-huh. W-well, if that’s what’s going on… I can handle that,” Miss Hiratsuka agreed readily. Komachi’s smooth talk must have gotten to her.
Watching their exchange at a distance, Yukinoshita suddenly breathed a little sigh. “It seems they’ve come to an agreement.”
“All right, one more time, then: Let’s have a blast!” Yuigahama said, then rushed over to Miss Hiratsuka and Komachi. Totsuka trotted, while Zaimokuza barreled over like a juggernaut.
Yukinoshita and I, the only two left, gave each other a look, sighed a little, then decided to meekly go with the flow.
We took an aimless look around the arcade.
In the dim light, the luminescent screens were harsh on our eyes as character voices reached our ears occasionally over the blaring background music. One fanfare rang out particularly loud.
“Hey, how about it! Shining Star Horse, the horse-racing game!” And then there was Zaimokuza, whose voice was no less blaring.
Maybe his yelling was why I made the mistake of mumbling a perfunctory response. “A horse-racing game, huh…?”
“Oh, you don’t sound enthusiastic about that one. I thought the conventional wisdom was that deadbeat men love to gamble,” Miss Hiratsuka said, looking surprised.
“I’ve made the conscious decision not to gamble. And hey, I’m not a deadbeat…” My grades are decent enough, and in class, I act quiet and serious, you know? Well, that’s because there’s no one for me to talk to. That makes group discussions in English sketch. What’s sketch about it, you ask? The person beside me will immediately start fiddling with their cell phone—that’s what’s sketch about it. At least check with me first? Ask it like, We don’t actually have to do this, right? Well, it’s sketch when you hear that, too, huh? All I’ve been saying here is sketch; man, never mind English, even my Japanese is sketch.
I get the feeling that I’m less a deadbeat and more a failure all around.
It seemed I was not the only one to think that, as Yukinoshita suddenly gave me a disparaging smile. “In your case, your lifestyle itself is a gamble, isn’t it? The odds there seem extreme.”
“Don’t you lowball my odds of winning at life. Being a househusband is a supersafe bet as a life goal.”
“That’s a real gamble…” Yuigahama muttered her frank impression with a shudder.
No, it’s not… I just haven’t met The One yet, that’s all…
Yeah, it’s not my fault. Fate’s at fault here.
“So maybe something like that would be nice?”
That? You mean the one for me? I thought, but it was Totsuka. He was pointing at a medal game cabinet. It was one of those things where you insert some medals, and more pay out. Not the ones they have at candy stores where you win medals from playing rock-paper-scissors; one of those gizmos they call pusher machines, where the medals get pushed off a ledge and fall down.
These games are fairly intuitive to play, so you wouldn’t have that much trouble trying to operate them. You often see couples playing these things.
Put another way, the game is for the casual customer base.
Perhaps this was why Zaimokuza cleared his throat with a kehpum noise and said smugly, “Herm, medal games, huh? Such trivial fare! I derive no pleasure from such shallow and juvenile contraptions!”
“So basically, this is a game where you insert a medal to make the accumulated medals fall out? How incredibly simplistic.” Yukinoshita must also have seen this as a game for kids. She sounded less than interested.
“Oh, come on, everyone should give it a shot once. Simpler games are actually easier to get into,” Miss Hiratsuka interjected with a wry smile.
Well, this is one of those things you really do have to try yourself.
The roar of the arcade cabinets practically drowned out the faint background music of the building. In the distance, I could hear the voices of some excited young people.
And then there was the medal game cabinet in front of us, where the little coins clinked in a lively dance.
Despite the din around us, it felt quiet here, probably because none of us were talking.
“…”
“…”
At some point, even Zaimokuza and Yukinoshita, after all their arrogance before, had gone silent. But their eyes were in constant motion, their fingers always searching for the right moment to insert a medal.
“Ah! Awww, that was close. Ngh~. Why didn’t that knock it down?”
“Quiet, Yuigahama.”
I think you’re just getting too into this… This seems kinda awkward for Yuigahama; I’m feeling sorry for her, you know?
There was another sorry individual here, too.
“…Herm. Don’t underestimate the power of the evil eye… I can see it! Ah, ahem…missed… Ngh, the image remains in my eyes…”
“You can’t see it at all, can you…?” I sighed. With this one, it’s his brain that’s the sorry part. Also, didn’t you just call it kids’ stuff? You’re totally enjoying it.
But Zaimokuza wasn’t the only one having fun.
“…Ngh, I can’t believe I missed the jackpot…” Yukinoshita was the type to get worked up over competition in any form, as she was so focused I was sure she was on the verge of punching the machine. What’s more, she was so quick to pick things up, she’d been raking it in…
“Y-you guys are all so serious…,” said Totsuka. “Yukinoshita figured out the rules at some point, too.”
“This has gotten kind of intense…,” Komachi agreed.
The two of them, who had been enjoying this in a healthier way, had paused to watch with some dismay. But Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, fixated on the medal games as they were, didn’t even notice as they continued to play.
“Ah, Yukinon. I’m borrowing some medals.” Yuigahama reached out a hand, but Yukinoshita grabbed it tight.
“Stop right there. Do you have any hope of actually returning them? You’ve been tossing in medal after medal without a plan.”
“Urk…” Yuigahama froze up after she heard Yukinoshita’s point. It was true she’d been spending them like water. She was one of those people you needed to keep far away from gambling.
Yukinoshita seemed to be of the same opinion, as she stuck up her index finger and earnestly lectured Yuigahama. “And I’ve been telling you for quite some time now that you’re distinctly lacking in foresight…”
“Uuuurk…” With every word, Yuigahama cringed away harder. And Yukinoshita was right, so nobody could help Yuigahama.
Foresight is important.
“Komachi, give me some medals,” I said.
“You’re not even going to pretend you’re borrowing them? That’s just like you, Bro…” She was beyond exasperated, but there was a kind of enlightened understanding in her expression.
Come on, if I can’t return them anyway, then it’s correct for me to say “give”! I’m just being honest! I was trying to use sibling telepathy to tell Komachi this with my eyes when there came a voice from the arcade cabinet behind us.
“You wanted some, Hikigaya?” There was a jangle as Miss Hiratsuka offered me some medals.
I reached out my hand like, Yay! Jackpot! But Komachi slapped my hand away.
Come on, Miss Hiratsuka said it’s fine, so what’s the big deal? I thought, giving her a grumpy look.
But Komachi wagged a scolding finger at me, then turned around to Miss Hiratsuka. “Um, could you please not spoil my brother? It’ll just accelerate his evolution into a deadbeat. If he turns out to be the kind of guy who sponges off women, I’ll be the one who suffers for it, and then his wife. In Komachi terms, I’d like my brother to come by his happiness honestly.”
“I-is that right…? …Heh, deep stuff, coming from a middle schooler…”
This middle schooler really is deep. How did she end up this great? Does she have some deadbeat in her family? I must give thanks to them for being a great negative example.
Perhaps it was because the initial investment was small, or perhaps it was because we shared the earnings among all of us, but our medals ran out unexpectedly fast.
As if she had been waiting for the very moment when we were at loose ends and wondering what to do next, Komachi looked all of us over and made her move. “All right, we’re out of medals, and we don’t have much more time, so let’s move on to one last game.”
“One last game? What are you planning?” I asked.
We’re still doing something? I’d thought for sure we were going home.
When everyone turned to her expectantly, Komachi declared in a resounding voice, “The Trans-Chiba Ultra Quiz~!”
As all our mouths dropped open, Komachi alone added a duh-duh-duh-duuuhhhh! and pointed over to the arcade cabinet behind her. “And so we will compete for victory with this game right here: Quiz Magic Chibademy!”
“Quiz Magic Chibademy is starting~.”
Now we’ve got some kind of knockoff of that quiz game I like to play… What demand for this game would there be outside Chiba? In fact, I doubt there’s demand even within Chiba.
Komachi inserted a coin, the machine replied with a bading, bading, and the game was starting. It seemed she was doing this whether we liked it or not.
“All right, Miss Hiratsuka. Please read out the questions and be the judge,” Komachi instructed.
Miss Hiratsuka agreed without a fuss. “Hmm, all right.”
The cabinet steadily progressed through the opening screens to get Quiz Magic Chibademy started, but we ran into a problem.
“This is, like, supposed to be a single-player game. It’s a me game,” I pointed out.
Komachi chuckled smugly. “So we’ll play in team battles. You’ll be divided into groups, so please answer however you like. The rules are… Well, just figure out what works best as we go along, please.”
“Your explanation just got very sloppy all of a sudden…,” Yukinoshita said, putting a hand to her temple.
You said it. Just figure out what works as you go? What the hell is that supposed to be, everyday life in Japan?
Well, there were only two cabinets, so that meant we had no choice but to put together two teams and muddle through with a spirit of compromise.
“How should we divide up the teams?” Totsuka asked, glancing around.
Looking awkward enough to arouse suspicion, Yuigahama raised her hand. “Ah, if we’re doing team battles, then I’ll…go with H-Hikki… Um, for Chiba knowledge reasons…”
Well, that was a reasonable choice. I’d be at the greatest advantage among all of us when it came to knowledge of Chiba. It was practically inevitable that whatever team had me on it would win… As long as our teamwork wasn’t tested, then it’d probably work out for us.
Whether she was aware of these motives or not, Komachi shook her head no. “Let’s split into guys and girls.”
Hmm, well, that was the simplest way, which meant my team would be me, Zaimokuza, and…Totsuka, huh? Totsuka’s allowed to be on our team, right?
I was about to begin some very ponderous pondering, but when I saw Totsuka’s brilliant smile, I didn’t care anymore.
“So then you and me’ll be on the same team, Hachiman?”
“Yeah. Let’s do this, Totsuka.”
Yeah, let’s do this!
As I was overflowing with motivation, I could hear a cheerless voice off to the side. “Huh? Oh…” Yuigahama seemed dissatisfied.
Komachi sneaked up to her. “Yui, Komachi has an idea.”
“O-oh, I know that smile~. That’s the scary one she gets when she’s getting ideas~…”
Komachi hopped away from Yuigahama, then turned back to me—and what I saw was a grin that made me very nervous. “Heh-heh-heh… Right, then! Let’s get started! The losing team is gonna get punished!” With that, she gave her usual cutesy smile as she declared the start of the game.
As the tension of competition ran, Miss Hiratsuka stood before the two cabinets. This game of Quiz Magic Chibademy, this Chibaluation, had both our pride and a punishment hanging on it, and the teacher was just about ready to fire the starting gun.
With my love for Chiba, I could not allow myself to lose so easily.
Miss Hiratsuka looked over us all and took a deep breath. Then she cried out, “Do you want to go to the Ostrich Kingdom?!”
“Whoo!”
“Whoo!”
“Yea!”
Komachi, Totsuka, and Zaimokuza all shot up their hands. Meanwhile, Yukinoshita and Yuigahama could tell they’d missed something and tilted their heads.
“What’s the Ostrich Kingdom…?” Yukinoshita asked.
“I kinda don’t really wanna go…”
What, these guys don’t know the Ostrich Kingdom? “It’s a pretty fun place. Like, the ostrich sashimi is really good.”
“You can eat ostriches…?” Yuigahama was rather taken aback.
Ostrich is known to be low calorie and high protein, though. Its light meaty texture is excellent. The eggs have a pretty complex flavor.
As my mind was busy exploring ostrich-related thoughts, the game had already gotten started. I heard Miss Hiratsuka reading out a question. “Question: ‘Chiba prefecture’s mascot is—’”
Before she could even finish reading out the question, my teammate Zaimokuza pressed the answer button. “Herm, leave this to I,” he said, brimming with confidence, and then with a flutter of his trench coat, he pointed at Miss Hiratsuka. “…The wind crimson hound, Chiiba-kun!”
Why are you calling it that…?
Miss Hiratsuka shook her head, and soon after came the tragic buzzing sound effect. She’d still been in the middle of the question, so now she read out the rest. “‘…is Chiiba-kun, but…’”
“Ngh, a trick question!” Zaimokuza slammed the button in frustration.
Uh, that isn’t a trick question or anything; this is common sense with quiz games. The way questions are written, it becomes clear what they’re asking after a certain point. That’s what they said in Fastest Finger First.
“Come on, Zaimokuza…” I gave him a little glare.
But he just stuck out his tongue and rapped his knuckles on his own head. “Tee-hee. ”
“Tch, you really get on my nerves…”
As I was silently letting Zaimokuza know he was a dead man later, Miss Hiratsuka decided she was done with listening to us and attempted to move things along. “Continuing the question. ‘Chiba prefecture’s mascot is Chiiba-kun, but what color is he?’”
Now the question was clear. I pressed the button without hesitation.
But I was a second too slow, and Komachi won the right to answer. “Komachi gets it! The answer is red!”
When she got it correct, the decorative lights flashed in a gaudy dance, and Komachi twirled along with them. Well, that one was just so easy, it was too easy… I suppose we could call it a warm-up.
Komachi and Yuigahama high-fived with a yay! And then Yukinoshita muttered, “Why is Chiiba-kun red anyway?”
“I—I dunno… I dunno that…” Why is he red? I don’t feel like Chiba makes you think of the color red. I doubt he’s just so brimming with passion that it makes him shine red…
As I was pondering this, Miss Hiratsuka addressed me. “You don’t mind if we move on to the next one, right? Question: ‘What is the first man-made coastline built in Japan, located in Chiba?’!”
Ohhh, this one was a little tough. None of us could push the buttons.
Then, though his face was pensive, Totsuka reached out. “U-um…K-Kujuukuri Beach?”
And then came the buzzer indicating a wrong answer.
Dejected, Totsuka put his hands together apologetically. “I’m sorry, Hachiman.”
“You’ve got guts, little firefighter. You’ll never get it right if you don’t give it a shot. It’s totally fine, don’t worry, s’all good!”
I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to wrap an arm or two around him, but someone popped right between us. “H-Hachiman! I—I, too! I’ve been trying so hard, too!”
Why has he been trying to make himself look cute lately? Is he expecting Saint Bernard levels of demand? He’s more like a Tosa, though.
“Yeah, yeah. I get it, I get it. Leave the rest to me.” I casually warded off Zaimokuza, then turned to face the arcade cabinet again. What could I do to rid Totsuka of his guilt for making that mistake? I could get this answer right—that was what.
I fixed my glare on the answer button and pressed it with absolute confidence.
When the ding-dong sound effect rang out, Miss Hiratsuka smirked. “Mm-hmm, Hikigaya. Your answer?”
“The answer is…Inage Beach.” I could hear myself swallow. Or maybe it was someone else. There was the briefest silence.
And then the ding-dong, ding-dong bell rang loud and clear like victory applause, declaring my answer was correct.
“Heh, if it’s about Chiba, this is basically what you get,” I said with a triumphant air. But what the heck was with that super-obscure question? Nobody but me, with my quiz skills and overflowing love for Chiba, would have been able to answer that.
Miss Hiratsuka nodded and hmm’d, raising both index fingers. “Now both teams are even. All right, onward and upward!” She made a fist, and motivation coursed through me. I laid my hand on the answer button and prepared for action.
“Question: ‘Chiba’s local specialty dish—’”
“Katsuura dan-dan men!”
“Question: ‘What sweets shop in Bousou Kyoudo—?’”
“Orandaya!”
“Question: ‘Despite being in Chiba—’”
“Tokyo German Village!”
“Question: ‘Which eminent Chiba figure—?’”
“Tadataka Inou!”
I answered question after question, without missing a beat. My chain of victories, my indomitable string of correct answers, created a stir of excited murmurs among the competitors.
“Wow, Hachiman!” Totsuka smiled at me and clapped, while Zaimokuza grinned proudly and slapped my shoulder.
“Herm. Hachiman, you are number one.”
But I’m really nothing special. “No, I’m not number one. It’s Chiba that’s number one. Despite being number three in Kanto.” After Tokyo and Kanagawa, Chiba is always firmly in third place. So, like, you know, you can call it third place nationally. And if you go off the name of the Makuhari New City area, you can even call Chiba a city, too.
The boys’ team was boiling with the certainty of victory, but the girls’ team was less excited. Komachi was so frustrated, she was practically grinding her teeth. “Ngh, as expected of my brother. He’s got it bad for Chiba…”
“At this rate, we’ll lose to Hikki and the guys…,” Yuigahama muttered.
Yukinoshita had seemed disinterested up until this point, but that remark made her twitch. “Lose…losing to Hikigaya…,” she muttered as if in a delirium, and then her eyes opened wide. With her fighting spirit quietly burning, she reached out to the answer button.
“Y-Yukinon is on fire…” Her intensity pulled a shudder from Yuigahama.
Miss Hiratsuka, who enjoyed it when things got competitive, smirked and read out another question. “‘The local food commonly associated with Chiba’s Choshi city—’”
I got this! It didn’t matter if Yukinoshita was getting serious now; when it’s about Chiba, it’s my field, my garden—it’s my whole house. She might beat me in exam scores, but there was no reason for her to beat me now. With absolute confidence, I pressed the button and instantly responded, “Nure-senbei!”
The moment I answered this, Miss Hiratsuka broke into a smile. “‘…is nure-senbei, but…’”
“Ngh, damn it…” Under the force of Yukinoshita’s intensity, I’d become thoughtlessly overeager. Zaimokuza looked over at me and gave me an irritatingly smug chuckle. I get it. I’m sorry…
Even as I avoided Zaimokuza’s eyes, the question continued.
“‘…But what’s the number one recommended way of eating them?’!”
“There’s no way I could know that!” Yuigahama cried out indignantly.
But someone else immediately slammed the button. “Leave it to Komachi!”
That’s no good… Komachi often eats nure-senbei with me, so I knew she was gonna answer this one right…
“The answer is…you cook them in a toaster oven and eat them with mayonnaise and shichimi!” Komachi replied.
Yuigahama’s face scrunched up, and Yukinoshita brought her eyebrows together.
“Sounds like a lot of calories…”
“Nure-senbei are wet… Should you be cooking them…?”
It’s fine; they taste good cooked. But I guess I can’t deny the high-calorie part.
And then the fanfare for the correct answer rang out.
“It was right, too…,” Yuigahama said with some dismay.
It’s good, though. You should try it out.
Cheered by her correct answer, Komachi puffed out her chest smugly. “Leave all pointless Chiba knowledge to me. Komachi’s always been the only one to listen to Bro talk about Chiba, so I’ve just picked this stuff up!”
“Whoa, weird siblings…”
Hey there? Yuigahama? Don’t you think that judgment is a little too blunt? Whatever, we’re just close. I seriously considered protesting, but Miss Hiratsuka didn’t give us any time for that and started reading out the next question.
“Question: ‘What Chiba marine product is fished most in Chiba, out of all of Japan?’”
The moment the question was finished, a hand smashed the answer button with lightning speed. “Ise lobster,” Yukinoshita said, in a flawless pose.
What was that? There was absolutely zero delay there…
“How do you know that, too, Yukinon?! You’re kinda weird!” Yuigahama said.
But that wasn’t anything to be startled by. Academically speaking, that would count as a geography question, and Yukinoshita is well versed in Chiba, too. Perhaps because of her father’s job.
Even so, most people still wouldn’t know that. Sounding impressed, Totsuka said, “We catch Ise lobster, even here in Chiba? And the most in the country, too…”
“Yeah, geez,” I said. “Then they should just change the name to Chiba lobster.” They’re called Ise lobster, but Ise isn’t number one in that category; what’s up with that? Is it like how Tokyo German Village is named after Tokyo, even though it’s in Chiba? Okay, that makes sense.
Anyway, hearing that answer just now, it hit me again how Yukinoshita excels in the strangest ways. “As expected of Yukipedia.”
“Stop calling me that.” Yukinoshita swept her hair off her shoulder and gave me an icy glare.
Even Komachi got in on the angry reaction. “That’s right, Bro. You’ve got to call her Yukino.”
“Hey, man…I can’t call her that… My life would be in danger.” Sheer terror turned my last sentence into a whisper. I sneaked a fearful glance over at Yukinoshita to see her response, but she quietly turned her face away.
“O-of course………………I can’t have you…calling me that.”
“Agh, are we done?” Miss Hiratsuka’s sigh drowned out Yukinoshita’s remark, and I didn’t hear her finish.
Our teacher cleared her throat and paused for effect. “This final question is your hammer chance!”
“Chance!” For some reason, Zaimokuza reacted to that one word.
Miss Hiratsuka completely ignored him and began her explanation. “For our last question, if you use this golden hammer to get the right answer, you win ten thousand points.”
“So what was the rest of the quiz for? This basically makes me an idiot for having answered all those questions. What is this, a microcosm of life?”
You can steadily work toward your goals, but you won’t necessarily succeed. It’s too common for connections, nepotism, the whims of those in power, the schemes of your superiors, or any number of things to topple everything and ensure your efforts were in vain.
I have learned yet another truth of the world…
But that was exactly why I couldn’t let myself lose. I don’t care what garbage rules I use myself to win with no effort, but I will firmly stand up against any sort of twisted regulations that allow anyone else to play the grasshopper mooching off the ant’s hard work.
Zaimokuza must have sympathized with this spirit, as he thrust his fist up toward me. “Hachiman, I entrust this to you. Use the Goldeon Hammer!”
“O-okay… It’s a golden hammer, though.”
Is this okay? Are we gonna be okay? Well, as long as this little problem doesn’t turn problematic, it’s no problem. But never mind that now—I’ve got this quiz problem.
Finally, the last question. The one question that would decide this long battle. Wait, we’re settling it with just this one question? Really?
“Question: ‘We asked one hundred high school girls in Chiba prefecture this: What is your go-to date spot?’”
I carefully waited until it was clear what the question was, then cautiously pressed the button.
The timing of my button press was no problem. I’d made sure to get ahead of the opposition. If you assume that he who moves first is the victor, my victory was assured.
So I’d just use my allotted time to the last second as I derived the correct answer.
The question had been deliberately prefaced with Chiba prefecture, but the high school girl is a fairly consistent creature across regions. They’re not Pokémon, so they won’t have a habitat-based distribution.
Furthermore, they are sensitive to trends, and in general, they are always ready to find some sort of mainstream to join. Therefore, the limiting condition of Chiba prefecture would have no function in this question.
Additionally, the term date spot makes transparent the preference of the sort of girl who would go to the trouble of responding to this survey. If they were responding to this survey, then it wasn’t difficult to imagine that they were glorifiers of romance.
Further, we could also establish that the condition of high school girl encompasses features of youth and immaturity, which also points to purity and aspiration to adulthood.
The answer derived based on the above conditions is…
I can see it! My final answer! Though it’s a little embarrassing to say…
“…H-her boyfriend’s house?”
The unpitying buzzer rang out, and everything went dead silent.
They all looked at one another’s faces uncomfortably and then began talking in whispers.
“That was a surprisingly normal answer…,” Yuigahama muttered, as if she couldn’t endure this any longer.
Kindly, perhaps attempting to be considerate, Miss Hiratsuka asked me, “…Hikigaya, is that what you want it to be?”
“The strange realism of that fantasy is what makes it so sad.” And then, like an executioner with her guillotine, Yukinoshita finished me off with a final remark. Depending on your interpretation, decapitation can be a man’s salvation.
“Kuh! This is really embarrassing… Just kill me! I’d rather you just finish me off!”
As I was beginning to despair, Totsuka and Zaimokuza came in to support me.
“I-it’s okay, Hachiman,” said Totsuka. “It sounded like you put a lot of thought into that answer, so I’m sure it’d make a girl happy!”
“Verily so, Hachiman. I also often have such thoughts. It’s naught to be ashamed of!”
“R-right? It’s not weird for a boy, right?!”
Totsuka is so angelic, I want him coming over to my house sometime soon. Zaimokuza’s fantasies, though, are a little gross! In fact, if I’m in the same category as Zaimokuza, I really am me after all, I thought, and then the depression set in.
Then, a beaming smile on her face, Komachi patted my shoulder. “There, there. It’s okay. You’ve got Komachi at home, and that just now was worth a lot of Komachi points.”
“Don’t try to console me with pitying looks, and don’t try to earn points. You’re making me feel even more pathetic.”
Plus, if I have Komachi at home, that’s basically a little sister true end where my girlfriend is Komachi and every day is a date. What the heck, is this some Chiba anime?
I was beat up so bad, I wasn’t just at 0 HP, I was at Zero Requiem, but there was yet more they could take from me.
“Since that was incorrect, the golden hammer goes to the opposing team.”
The golden hammer was mercilessly yoinked away and handed over to the opposing team. Well, if you blow your chance, you’re gonna get kicked while you’re down. That’s just typical of life.
Then the girls got their chance for a comeback.
“Yuigahama, take it away.” Yukinoshita must have seen that she was at a disadvantage on this question. She ceded it to Yuigahama, who had a higher probability of being able to answer, while Komachi balled a fist to cheer Yuigahama on.
“You can do it, Yui!”
“Y-yeah…” Yuigahama accepted their encouragement and, with a nervous look on her face, pressed the answer button. “Um…the answer is…Tokyo Destiny Land!”
And then, in celebration of her victory, the sound effect for the correct answer rang loud.
The noise returned to the arcade, and even louder than before, Komachi called out gleefully, “Announcing the results!” Just like she had the first time, she added her own duh-duh-duh-duuuuh, then retreated a step to cede the spot to Miss Hiratsuka.
The teacher nodded and grinned broadly. “Mm-hmm! With ten thousand and three points, the girls’ team wins.”
“I don’t like this…” But, well, it was pointless to grumble. The world is always cruel—absurd, even. Effort is worth less than miracles. All the losers can do is congratulate the victors who emerge as a result of those miracles. It’s thanks to the losers that victors are born, and this act substantiates that fact.
We applauded them, and as the girls celebrated, they also began a discussion. They must have been deciding what our punishment would be.
“You’re the reason we won, Yui, so you can make the request.”
“Yes, I believe that’s appropriate. If I had been the one to win, I would have no complaints with that, and I didn’t have my heart set on any particular request.”
Komachi yielded the right to decide, and Yukinoshita agreed.
Yuigahama was bewildered by their reaction. Well, she didn’t often decide things herself, so the sudden weight of this responsibility must have made her uncomfortable. “Huh? But I can’t just…”
When Yuigahama considered and groaned over this and that, Komachi tiptoed up to her. “Yui, Yui. Let me talk to you a sec.”
“Huh? What?” Yuigahama tilted her head toward Komachi, beside her.
“Psst, psst, psst.”
“…Hmm, hmm… Huh? Ohhh~. Th-that’s kind of embarrassing…” I don’t know what Komachi said, but Yuigahama was red to the ears.
Figuring they were done with their discussion, Miss Hiratsuka turned back to us. “And now for the announcement of the punishment,” she said and glanced over at Yuigahama, prompting her.
“Uh, um…Hikki.” And there, Yuigahama briefly came to a halt. I said nothing, either, waiting for her to continue.
Yuigahama took a few big, deep breaths, and once she was calm, she glanced up at me through her lashes. “…Let’s…hang out again?”
Reserved though it was, this was a tiny step—no, maybe half a step? Like she was testing the waters, close enough to be almost intrusive. If you were to put that distance into a number, I’m sure it would just be a couple of centimeters. And most likely, if you were to put it into words, you would call this distance “elbow room”—or maybe like the play of a steering wheel before it starts to engage.
This subtle distance, like a buffer zone for preventing wear and abrasion, was fitting for us now, and that was why I was able to respond after a bit of a pause.
“…Well, if that’s my punishment, I don’t have a choice.”
Yes. There was no escaping my punishment.
This is the guilt the loser should shoulder, the punishment they must accept. So I was okay hanging out with them just one more time.
Upon hearing my answer, Yuigahama blew out a breath so deep even her shoulders deflated. She gave a sunny smile, as if this had dislodged something stuck in her chest. I looked away in embarrassment.
And there, I saw Komachi nodding in a manner that rubbed me the wrong way.
I could see exactly what my little sister was thinking, but since her heart was so easy to read, I couldn’t decide if I should get angry or not. As I was scratching my head and wondering what to do, someone unexpected broke the silence.
“Oh yeah! Let’s all hang out again!” That soft, buoyant tone was like an angel’s feathers.
The sudden remark confused Komachi. “…Hmm?”
When she turned to look, there was Totsuka, trotting up with a beaming smile of anticipation. Without a thought, I replied to him with an enthusiastic, silent cry, something resembling an uh-huh! or a yeah! or a yep, yep!
“Huh? T-Totsuka? In Komachi terms, that wasn’t supposed to be, like, everyone…”
Flustered, Komachi tried to slide between me and Totsuka, but a large black shadow popped up to prevent her. “Herm, well then, I shall also stand by your side! B-but I just mean it like, hanging out! D-don’t get the wrong idea, Hachiman!”
“I won’t. There’s nothing to get the wrong idea about.” Seriously, what’s Zaimokuza trying to lure me in with here…? I thought. My exasperation must have been contagious, as Yuigahama chuckled, too.
“This…isn’t exactly what I was thinking, but it seems fun, so oh well,” she said, spinning around to smile at Yukinoshita.
Realizing what she meant by that smile, Yukinoshita breathed a short sigh and replied with a small nod. “Yes. I’m not very good at group activities, but if you don’t mind, then I’ll accompany you when I have the time.”
Yuigahama welcomed Yukinoshita’s kindness and glomped the other girl. “Yeah, it’s a promise. I love you, Yukinon!”
“Hey, could you not cling to me like that? I said if I have the time.” Yukinoshita twisted around in an attempt to escape, but there was no indication she would ever be released.
Miss Hiratsuka watched the two of them with a faraway look in her eyes. “It’s so nice to be young…”
Hurry! Someone hurry up and marry this woman!
There was one more person with us, a complicated expression on her face as she watched from afar. “Oof, that was an unexpected obstacle… Komachi’s magnificent plan… Bro’s youth romantic comedy is all wrong, as I expected…”
Ha-ha-ha, better luck next time, Komachi. How disappointing.
No matter what plans you try to put together, your big brother will end up getting asked out by a boy and reacting with delight.
…Actually, I get the feeling the big brother is the disappointment here.
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