SS 4
Short Story 4
Regardless, Hachiman Hikigaya’s positive thinking is completely twisted.
It was now the time of cool breezes—or rather, winds that occasionally ran cold.
“The Chiba Prefecture–Wide Advice E-mail…” I announced the title as listlessly as the stirring fall wind, and Yuigahama gave a patter of applause. But then Yukinoshita gave her a dubious glance, and the applause wilted away.
Yuigahama pulled herself together, opened the inbox, and started reading the first e-mail. “Umm, the first message of the day is from Chiba city, username: Master Swordsman General.”
Request for advice from username: Master Swordsman General
A deadline for one of the biggest imprints in the industry is nigh. Victory, how?!
…He sends way too many of these. He’s scary, like someone aggressively trying to talk to a bot on Twitter.
“What is this?” Having read the e-mail, Yuigahama tilted her head, and with a sigh, Yukinoshita summoned me.
“Hikigaya.”
“I know, I know.”
At this point it’s like—like taking care of your aging parents. It’s fine; I’ll stay with you until the end… Having attained this state of benevolence—of sheer enlightenment—I typed out an e-mail.
Response from the Service Club:
Don’t give me this selfish stuff about the biggest in the business. Just send it in to Gagaga Bunko. It’ll be fine; they’re with Showgakkan (or whatever they’re called). Also, as a Gagaga author, it seems you will not be able to marry a voice actress.
“Well, that’s one down. Next, Yuigahama.” Despite not having done anything, Yukinoshita wore an expression of relief as she prompted the next.
Not even questioning it, Yuigahama started reading out the next e-mail. “Um, next message. In Chiba city, from the username: Bro’s little sister.”
Request for advice from username: Bro’s little sister
Maybe it’s ’cause it’s been cold lately, but the cat’s been coming into bed with me, and he uses my arm as his pillow. I’ve never even done that with my bro! (That was worth a lot of Komachi points.) Komachi can’t roll over, and he keeps huffing right in my ear. It’s kind of annoying. Is there a good way to deal with this?
Once Yuigahama was finished reading it out, both girls gave me strangely unenthusiastic looks.
“So she says, Bro.”
“There you have it, Bro.”
“Shut up. And don’t call me Bro.” Komachi is the only one allowed to call me that. If they say Bro Bro too much, I’ll go and found Chanko Dining or something.
“…By the way, ah, does your cat actually, um, sleep together with you? A-and sleep on your arm?” Yukinoshita glanced over at me, eyes upturned like she was somehow embarrassed. It was a sweet gesture, but unfortunately, her tightly clenched fists robbed it of any cuteness.
“No. With me, that cat always comes straight on top of my stomach,” I said, and Yuigahama laughed at me.
“Doesn’t that mean he’s treating you with contempt? Kamakura sees you as beneath him, Hikki.”
“He’s not like your dog.”
“Cats are fundamentally solitary creatures, so they don’t have a social hierarchy. They will form groups, but in their case, it appears to be closer to a parent-child relationship. It may be that with Komachi, he’s displaying the sort of dependent behavior he would show toward a mother cat.” Yukinoshita expertly rattled off an analysis-filled something or other… Yuigahama and I were both kinda weirded out.
“You know everything, huh, Yukipedia…?”
“Would you stop calling me that?” Yukinoshita glared at me sullenly. It seemed she was not as all-knowing as a certain other -pedia. Well, if she didn’t like it, it was best to revise that form of address.
“Sorry, Catipedia.”
“There you go.”
“You’re okay with that?!”
It seemed she was, as Yukinoshita ignored Yuigahama’s surprise and gave a satisfied nod.
Thanks to Yukinoshita’s pointless lecture, I basically understood what my cat was doing. “…In other words, you’re saying he climbs onto my stomach because of my overflowing househusband aura.” Even cats recognize that I was made to be a househusband. I’d expect nothing less of myself. I believe I’d like to live a catlike lifestyle in the future.
But Yukinoshita’s lips twitched in a cold smile, ready to destroy my ambition. “Couldn’t you also say that a cat sitting on you is similar to a feline parent holding its kitten?”
“So he’s being treated like a kid.”
“…Heh, so, like, my overflowing dependent aura is what makes him do that.” I even made a cat want to support me. Wow, me.
“That’s some serious positive thinking!”
“We’ve gone beyond positive thinking at this point; it’s downright mania… Well, maybe there’s something to be learned from such a perspective,” Yukinoshita commented, then began typing a response e-mail.
Response from the Service Club:
You get to sleep with a cat. You can put up with a few annoyances, can’t you?
Just get a cat already.
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