3
Haruno Yukinoshita is thoroughly unfathomable.
My bicycle raced to surpass its shadow.
It was already a little late to be calling it evening, and the tree-lined road along the river was now dark. With the sun sinking into Tokyo Bay at my back, I rotated the pedals.
Starting the next day, I’d probably be able to go home earlier.
Attendance at the Service Club had become temporarily voluntary.
We were making it a battle royale, and if I was going to do things differently than the other two, then there was no need to force ourselves to work together. I’d already decided how I was going to handle things, and my plan didn’t require much preparation. I only had to manage on the day of. So then all I had to do until the day of the election was make sure not to get in their way.
Most of all.
Even if I didn’t pull it off, if the other two did, then that was fine. I was sure they’d resolve it better than me.
Both parties had chosen noninterference. There was no need to bother with the perilous path of approaching each other and closing the gap. Finding an appropriate distance and maintaining it is another way for people to get along.
As for the club activities, I decided not to think about it anymore.
But funny enough, when you try not to think about anything, it only brings up even more intrusive thoughts. When I tried to turn my attention away from school-related things, naturally, I ended up thinking about home instead. This reminded me of my exchange with Komachi that morning in the living room.
I wonder if she’s still mad…?
When she’s outwardly huffy, it’s just like, Oh, how cute, but when she starts ignoring you, that’s proof she’s seriously angry. Once, she ignored Dad like that, and he went crying to Mom about it.
Our parents would probably be coming home late, as usual. So then I’d be home alone with Komachi.
Being home alone together with your little sister is normally the sort of setup that’d make your heart dance. No, wait, that’s not normal.
But this one day, it’d be hard for us to face each other.
It would be best to wait a little longer until things had cooled down.
With that thought, the handlebars of my bicycle turned to the right.
On the road home from school, if you turn right on the national highway, you’ll end up in downtown Chiba. You can kill a fair amount of time there at the movie theater, bookstores, arcades, or manga cafés.
Things had been pretty busy during the school field trip, and I hadn’t had much time to enjoy myself alone. The weekend after my return, I’d ended up lying around, and then it was over.
Finally, I could relieve some stress. I’ve always liked my alone time.
While I was wondering about where I should goof off, gradually, I began to feel more at ease. Pedaling away as I hummed, “Princess, princess, princess,” I rode full speed along the long highway that went on and on.
By the time I arrived downtown, the sun had fallen far enough that it was no longer sunset, and the nighttime bustle of the city was in full swing. Making my way along National Highway 14 into the downtown core, I headed toward Chuo Station in Chiba.
Around here, there’s an Animate, a Tora no Ana, and a movie theater, so it has everything you’d need to kill time.
I window-shopped around a bunch of stores, bought two, three books, and eyeballed the display in front of the movie theater. It was a little under an hour until the movie I was somewhat interested in would start. That was the perfect amount of time to go drink a coffee somewhere.
Directly below the movie theater was a Starbucks. But I didn’t really know how to order there, and the raging We’re so fashionable energy of the customer base there just didn’t sit right with me, so I decided to go somewhere else. It’s impossible to truly express in words the feeling you get seeing someone with stylish glasses clacking away on a MacBook Air, but it’s something akin to a land mine lying in wait for you. You start feeling like, I’ll smash an apple into those glasses of yours, you damn hipster.
The donut shop kitty-corner from the movie theater gives customers free refills on coffee, and they also have café au lait. And in fact, sweetening the café au lait makes it more Chiba-like and even better. You have to value your teatime, you know?
I went into the shop and ordered an old-fashioned donut, a French cruller, and a café au lait. Then I went to the second-floor seating, aiming for a counter spot.
Man, enjoying pastries with a sweet café au lait and a book is perfect bliss. Even for idols, if they’re hurt by some minor thing someone said, eating something sweet’ll make them happy.
Feeling mildly cheerful as I looked for a seat, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone looking at me.
“Oh, look who’s here.”
I turned toward the voice addressing me, and the woman removed her headphones and smiled, waving at me. She wore a loose-knit cardigan over a white blouse with a standing collar. Even though her legs were wrapped in an ankle-length skirt, I could tell they were long and elegant. She was dressed for winter, but not weighed down by the heavier clothing. Maybe because she always seemed to keep everything light.
She was the elder sister of Service Club leader Yukino Yukinoshita, and a perfect superhuman who surpassed even Yukino: Haruno Yukinoshita.
A donut shop like this place really didn’t suit her. In fact, she would have made a fair picture sitting behind the glass at the counter of that earlier Starbucks.
Since I’d never expected to meet her here, I instinctively tensed up.
Checking what she was up to, I saw she had a few books spread open on the table. None of them were paperbacks, and some of them had very imposing-looking binding. At a glance, the letters looked like the Roman alphabet—were those English books?
“…Ah, hi.” I casually bobbed my head at her and sat myself down a ways away. Why do we stick in ah before saying stuff? It’s not like hi is a noun.
Anyway, I took a bite out of the French cruller.
Damn it… Why is she here…? I should’ve gotten this to go… I blew this one… I should’ve made sure there was no one I knew in this restaurant before I came in.
Anyway, let’s finish this stuff fast and then leave, I thought, putting my lips to the café au lait, but unfortunately, I have a sensitive tongue.
As I desperately blew on my coffee, Haruno carried her tray over to sit beside me. “You don’t have to run away. Geez. Rude.”
“Oh, no, I just didn’t want to bother you.” I think this is a loner’s way of being considerate. It’s kind of like how when I’m alone in town and I happen to run into an acquaintance, and we both try exchanging a few remarks, and things feel weird, like, So when should we end this…? and for some reason, I feel guilty, like it’s my fault.
If you happen to run into someone unexpectedly, you should withdraw immediately. It’s not good to be conceited.
But it seems that when you’re someone with such little respect for personal space as Haruno, those thoughts don’t occur to you. As if she’d been sitting beside me all along, she took a book in hand in the exact same pose as before. Pulling out the attached string bookmark, she opened the page she’d been reading.
If she was just going to read anyway, then she didn’t have to bother moving over here, did she…? She does whatever she wants, huh? I thought, looking over at her.
Gaze still down on her book, she said to me, “What are you doing out here?”
“…Killing time until a movie.”
“Oh, then about the same as me, huh?”
“…Are you going to see a movie?” That came out rather disgruntled. But there was no helping that. If she was planning to see the same movie as me, then even if we parted ways here, we’d wind up in the somewhat irritating and awkward situation of running into each other again at the movie theater…
But it seemed I was worrying over nothing, as Haruno replied sunnily, “Hmm? No, no. I’m killing time until I’m going out to eat with a friend.”
That reminded me that Haruno’s university was pretty close, like in west Chiba or something. They have bars over there, but I feel like the number of “trendy” places around the area has increased. If she wanted to get something to eat, downtown’s a logical place to come. And as for hip eats in downtown Chiba, then…Naritake Ramen, I guess? That back fat is like a sprinkling of snow! So elegant!
“Agh, a friend, huh? I don’t want to be in the way, so I’ll leave you to it.”
“That’s not for a while. It’s fine; let’s kill time togeeether.” She scooted her chair over toward me.
Too close, too close and soft, close, close, nice smell, close… Though I attempted to twist as far away from her as she came near, she closed that distance, too.
And then she whispered in my ear, “Guys like you are the best, Hikigaya.”
Something cold ran up my spine. It wasn’t simple fear. It was close to the thrill of peering down into a dark hole and sensing that if you fell into it, you’d keep on falling forever. Her alluring voice sharpened every sensation, including her thin fingers laid gently on my shoulder and the seductive luster of her lips.
I jerked back and looked at her, and her moist eyes met mine. Her gaze made me want to be deceived by the bewitching smile on her lips, but she was doing this with the sole purpose of getting a reaction out of me.
And as proof of that, she shifted back again and bubbled with laughter. “If I don’t say anything, you won’t talk to me, but when I talk to you, you give me an answer. It’s so convenient. The perfect person for killing time with.”
I really don’t feel like that’s a compliment… That’s, like, lower specs than recent browser games. You know how the recent ones will start chattering at you when you leave them running, like KanColle and stuff.
Haruno returned to her reading again, but right before she did, she added one remark. “Most boys try to make conversation, which, like, no.”
…Ohhh, I get that… Yeah.
Some guys are so desperate to get a girl to like them that they say all sorts of stuff to them. Normally, they won’t talk at all, but when they suddenly have this chance to talk, they’ll uncharacteristically muster up their courage and try to start a conversation, and yet their attempts are always mediocre at best. They exist, and they’re real cringey. For example, me in middle school—what year was that again?
But anyway, because of what she’d just done, I’d missed my chance to leave. I might have to wait for my next chance.
Her silence didn’t bother me. In fact, silence is my field of specialty.
It’s like, you know, since taciturn men are great, after all.
It’s here… The loner age has come. From now on, the type of boy who doesn’t converse will flourish (not that I’m saying he’ll get girls).
Since there was nothing for me to talk to her about, we weren’t really going to end up chatting.
Time passed serenely.
Thinking about it, I hadn’t seen Haruno since the cultural festival.
But my impression of her today was very different from all the other times I’d seen her—maybe because she was quiet. Or maybe I should say she was mellowed.
It seemed when her sister wasn’t around, she didn’t meddle much. In fact, she seemed calm. Wait, just how much does this girl love her sister? Oh, I love my little sister, too, I guess. She probably hates me because of what happened this morning, though…
Remembering the incident with Komachi that morning got me a little down. Times like this, it’s best to think about something else.
Oh, these donuts are good…but the café au lait could be a little sweeter. It’s ’cause they don’t have condensed milk here. I poured in stick sugar as a substitute and drank it like that, noticing Haruno out of the corner of my eye.
She had a book spread open on top of the table, face leaned on one hand, occasionally reaching out to her coffee.
Seeing her quietly reading a book, I thought she really did resemble her younger sister—her fingertip as she turned the pages, the white nape of her neck peeking out whenever she took a drink from her cup, and the way her eyes narrowed when they stopped on a certain sentence.
She looked a lot like what I’d seen of Yukino Yukinoshita for nearly six months.
Haruno suddenly noticed my gaze and shifted her face with a “Hmm?” as if to ask me, Do you need something?
I shook my head. “…Oh, I’m going to get a refill, so…”
“Yes, please.” She handed me her cup, and I got a refill on the café au lait and her coffee from a passing staff member. Taking the cups, I gently laid down hers in a spot where it wouldn’t get in her way.
It’d be weird to watch her the whole time, so I decided to read the book I’d just bought, too.
The only sound coming from our vicinity was the turning of pages.
I wasn’t really bothered by the music they played in the store. But I didn’t understand the lyrics of this song. What the heck is “I donuts you”? What’s going on there? And what’s more, when you listen closely, it’s actually a decent song.
While I was drinking my second helping of café au lait (which had finally cooled to lukewarm), I was turning one more page, when suddenly Haruno said, “Hikigaya.”
“Yes?”
The two of us conversed as we continued to read.
“Tell me a funny story.”
“…” That terrible attempt at conversation made me automatically fall silent. My disgust probably showed on my face, too. What’s with this woman…? I thought as I looked over at her to see a big grin on her face.
“That utterly disgusted reaction… Ohhh, it’s everything I hoped for!” she said, bursting into playful laughter.
If you know that, then don’t say it… The minute I think she might let me have some peace, she starts messing around.
Is she innocent, or unrestrained, or audacious?
She’s a hard person to pin down, and I really don’t like her.
Haruno must have reached a good place to stop, as she closed her book and stretched wide with a groan. When you pose like that, um, it’s sort of attention-getting…the part that’s very different from your sister.
“Is Yukino-chan doing well?” Haruno asked me, reaching out to her coffee cup, her fingertips stroking the rim.
“…Well, the same as usual, I suppose.”
“ I see. Then that’s good.”
Considering she’d been the one to ask, she didn’t seem all that interested in the answer, and she put her books away in her bag as she spoke. Then she laid her elbows on the now-cleared space on the table, laced her fingers together, and rested her chin on them in a pose like a certain commander. Comanner.
Haruno turned her face toward me, then cleared her throat in a deliberate-sounding way. “So…how have things gone since then?”
“Agh…”
“Made any progress?”
If you don’t use specific vocabulary, I won’t really know what you’re talking about. I replied with a vague sigh as if to say, Care to elaborate?
She gave me a quizzical look. “Wasn’t there a field trip?”
“Oh, you know about that?” I remarked in surprise. Well, she had gone to our school, so she could know around what time it would be. But even so, her knowledge was precise.
A little proud, Haruno revealed her secret. “We got souvenirs at home.”
By souvenirs, that had to mean from her sister. Inferring from the way she’d phrased her explanation, it seemed Yukinoshita hadn’t gone over to hand them to her directly.
“She went to the trouble of getting them delivered…?” How dumb is she? She couldn’t have bought all that much, and it’s a few stations away, at most…
Haruno held her cup in both hands, breathing a short, bored sigh. “I’m sure she just didn’t want to see us.”
“But she still buys you souvenirs… How conscientious…,” I mumbled to myself in exasperation and wonder. That was also weirdly Yukinoshita-like, so it made sense to me.
But Haruno didn’t seem to agree, shaking her head. “Oh, I don’t think that’s it.”
Her quick denial made me curious, and I examined her out of the corner of my eye. Yukinoshita is fussy about manners, and I understood her to be a fairly conscientious type. Was something about that wrong?
Haruno tilted her cup, lowering her gaze to the black ripples. “She hates us, but she doesn’t want to be hated, you know…,” she said quietly, in the faintest whisper, in a way that could be taken as kindness or pity. That quiet tone was directed at herself and someone not present.
I was sure I wouldn’t be allowed to ask any further, so I kept my mouth shut.
Noticing my silence, Haruno put down her cup and spun around to face me in a particularly melodramatic manner. “But since your school trip is over, there won’t be any more big events, so I suppose now you’ll be basically focusing on entrance exams. Isn’t that boring?”
I decided to switch over to that topic, too. “Not really. There’s still stuff going on with the student council elections.”
“The elections? Huh? That’s not over by now?” Puzzled, she tilted her head and hummed. As expected of a Soubu graduate. She seemed to be consulting her own memories.
“It kinda never got settled, so there was an extension.”
“Meguri is finally retiring, huh?” There was something emotional about the way she said that.
To me, Meguri was an upperclassman I could rely on— Wait, no, I’ve never relied on her. She’s really unreliable. In fact, she’s even relied on me, so that would make her more a cute upperclassman, but to Haruno, she had to be a cute junior student. Hey, that means Meguri is supercute. Megurin’s cute, oh so cute.
Haruno must have been remembering that, and she giggled. “This is Meguri we’re talking about, so I bet she asked Yukino-chan to be student council president, right?”
“Oh, actually, no she didn’t.”
“What? That’s boring.” Haruno swung her feet in dissatisfaction. “…So then Yukino-chan isn’t going to be student council president.”
“Doesn’t look like it.”
Around now, Yukinoshita would be planning to back another candidate. I didn’t know who she intended to set up, but it was clear it’d be rough going. Taking into account time and workload, I didn’t think it was a cost-efficient plan.
As I was thinking about Yukinoshita’s intentions, I heard a thoughtful huff beside me. “Hmm…” It was merely a meaningless sigh, but it strangely stuck with me. It wasn’t sexy or alluring or anything like that. That smile, just a slight twist of her lips as she looked out the window, was eerie even.
“…Um, is there some reason you thought she would?” I said after a breath’s pause.
Haruno showed me her usual charming smile once more. “Hmm? Oh, because I didn’t do it.”
“Uh-huh, are you so sure? That’s surprising, though.” I’d thought for sure that Haruno would’ve had a history of roles like that. She had in fact been the chair of the cultural festival.
But she declared nonchalantly, “Is it? I mean, considering all the work, don’t you think it’d be tedious?”
“Oh, that’s why.”
That kinda made sense.
The fact is that the majority of student council work is dull. They do also help with big events like the cultural festival, but most of the other work is behind-the-scenes stuff like this election management committee, and it’s all boring office work.
I’m sure most of the time they can sit around in the student council room and eat snacks, but if there’s ever a problem, the pressure will be on right away. Plus, the members of student council are expected to set a good example to all the students in the school. Well, they’re like public servants, so to speak. It’s what they call servant service.
I don’t think Haruno is quite the type who likes that kind of attention—I suppose you could call her a hedonist. She likes fun, having a party. Unlike student council, which involves a lot of sober work over a long period of time, the cultural festival is just one big shebang, and running something like that as chair would better suit her image.
But I couldn’t see any of that cheer now.
“…So bored,” she said with a giggle. Her tone was a penetrating cold that made me shiver. What lay at the depths of those words?
As I was waffling over whether I should even ask, a remark came to me from another direction. “Huh? Hikigaya?”
The unexpected voice was like a cheese grater against my brain.
I turned around to see two high school girls.
One of them had a short bob in a loose perm. Her eyes beneath that had a slight edge to them, a blank look on her face. She was the one who’d addressed me. She wore the uniform of Kaihin Secondary School, which is fairly close to where I live, but she was carrying a bag from a private school in the city. She wasn’t someone I was used to seeing.
But I instantly knew who she was. “…Orimoto.” Her name came out softly.
I’d thought all my middle school classmates had been abandoned at the bottom of my memory.
But Kaori Orimoto’s name came up easily.
The unexpected chance encounter made me stiffen up.
We each looked at the other’s face, sizing each other up.
Suddenly, the events of two, three years ago passed through my mind. I could feel the sweat glands on my scalp opening, and wet drops sliding down my back, too.
Orimoto had a friend with her, a girl who was also wearing a Kaihin uniform and looking over at us with mild reserve.
Her friend looked at loose ends, but Orimoto didn’t seem particularly concerned as she patted my shoulder and cried, “Wow, this takes me back! This is a rare character!”
As she stared at me rudely, all I could do was put on a stiff smile.
Indeed, based on the standards of the middle school we’d gone to, her encounter rate with me would be low. I might have noticed her, but she’d never notice me.
But if we were talking rarity, it was also plenty rare for her to not only see me but come talk to me, too. This was something that hadn’t changed since middle school.
Orimoto was the so-called team mom, the self-professed big-sister type. She would talk to anyone and always got as close to people as possible.
After marveling at my presence for a while, she suddenly paused. “Huh? Hikigaya, are you going to Soubu?”
“Y-yeah.” Her comment made me twist around to look at my uniform. Of the top university-oriented public high schools in the prefecture, ours is the only one that includes a blazer in the uniform. So any student living in the area would recognize it on sight.
It seemed Orimoto did, too, as she made an impressed noise. “Ohhh. That’s surprising. So you must be smart! Oh, but I guess I never knew your test scores or anything at all, huh? I mean, you never talked to anyone.” Still blunt as ever. She consciously avoided building walls and would deliberately dive right in.
She had to be trying to be the “real” type.
And then, as if it were the obvious thing to do, her interest turned toward Haruno beside me instead. “Your girlfriend?” she said in wonder, comparing me and Haruno.
Uncomfortable under her gaze, my voice got quieter than intended when I answered, “No…”
“Of course nooot! I figured there was no way!” Orimoto cackled, and her friend hid her mouth behind a hand as well to restrain a giggle.
A long time ago, I’d have interpreted that as a carefree laugh. I’d taken her stance of talking to anyone to be an expression of kindness.
“Ha-ha-ha…” Why am I doing this ingratiating laugh? Gross.
A scene from two or three years ago tried to push its way into my mind. The humorless laugh left my mouth like vomit.
Watching our exchange from the side, Haruno casually examined my face. “Your friend, Hikigaya?”
Was it my imagination, or did it seem like she was asking that question with the vague implication of …You had friends? No, not my imagination.
Well, if you asked me if Orimoto was a friend, the answer was no, so I couldn’t argue.
But I know the optimal answer for these sorts of situations. “She’s a classmate from middle school.” Yes, yes, that should be correct. I mean, when people who I’d thought were my friends introduced me to other people, that’s how they’d described me.
After I answered, Orimoto bobbed her head in a bow at Haruno. “I’m Kaori Orimoto,” she introduced herself.
Haruno examined Orimoto with her usual scrutinizing look. “Hmm… Oh, I’m Haruno Yukinoshita. I’m Hikigaya’s…his… Hey, what am I to you?”
“Uh, don’t ask me.” And why is she leaning into me in that sorta coquettish way, too? Stop with those upturned eyes, please.
“It’d be strange to call us friends, wouldn’t it? Hmm, then big sister? Oh, or sister-in-law…” Considering, Haruno put her hand to her jaw and glanced over at me. When I returned her look with apathetic eyes, she smirked. “Oh, how about taking the middle ground and saying girlfriend?”
What’s with this beautiful declaration of love?
And what’s wrong with her? How do you start with friend and big sister and end up with that? Wait…but if you swap older for younger sister, then my, how curious! Wait, nope, still doesn’t work.
This was so clearly teasing, there was no way for me to mistake it for anything else, so I could respond calmly. “Can’t we just call you someone from school?”
“You’re so cold.” Haruno said, puffing out her cheeks in a pout. I thought about poking her in that round cheek, but there was no way I could do that, so I shrugged instead.
This exchange came off as rather forced, but now I was glad Haruno was there. Her presence kept me from thinking too deeply. This may have been the first time I’d ever felt thankful to her. If I’d run into Orimoto by chance and she’d spoken to me while I was alone, I would’ve fallen to the bottom of the dumps, gone home, and spent about five hours talking with the wall.
I’d call Kaori Orimoto my middle-school nightmare.
I wanted to get her and her friend to leave as soon as possible, before various items of the past could be dug up, but this prayer was in vain, as Orimoto said to Haruno, “It’s so nice to see friends who used to go to your school, huh?”
“Right? But our relationship is more than that.”
“Ohhh? What else is there?”
Orimoto’s friend occasionally made polite remarks, and the idle conversation went on.
I kept silent, watching as they talked.
Small talk doesn’t come with obvious end points. It’ll slide on sideways forever. The only action I was allowed to take in the meantime was to sigh and put my lips to my café au lait. My forced walk down this minefield continued.
Suddenly, the conversation stopped.
I figured the conversation had gone on surprisingly long for a first meeting and they would be using this moment to begin the process of parting ways.
But Haruno folded her arms solemnly and, with a thin smile on her face, said, “But anyway, the same school as Hikigaya, huh? Any funny stories?”
Taking that question as an opportunity to continue the conversation, Orimoto said, “Hmm…” as she began to search her memory.
I had a really bad feeling. A really bad vision of the near future, to be precise.
“Come on, there’s got to be something, right? Oh, like about his love life! I’d love to hear about his love life!” Haruno stirred the pot further, seemingly having a grand old time.
Sweat dampened my back once more, and I felt as if I were in middle school again. It nearly made me burst out laughing. Oh, I remembered well. Good grief. People only ever remember bad things.
If my communication skills had been a little better, I’m sure I could have admitted it myself and turned that love talk into a self-deprecating funny story. It’s completely different when you say that stuff yourself, compared with when others say it about you. I should’ve taken the initiative. But since I wasted time on these thoughts, because I hesitated, I didn’t make it in time.
Orimoto combed back her curled hair and smiled shyly. “Oh, that reminds me, once he told me he had a crush on me.” She didn’t waste any time.
“No way!”
Not only Haruno but also Orimoto’s friend giggled and joined in on the conversation, too. “I’d love to hear more.”
It seemed this topic was enough to get them worked up, and having drawn this card, Orimoto went on gleefully. “We’d never even spoken before, so I was really freaked out!”
Or so she said.
But we had talked. I know we had.
I guess Orimoto didn’t remember. Or to be more accurate, she hadn’t realized it was me she was speaking to.
And not just that. We’d texted, too.
When she’d given me her e-mail out of either pity or sympathy, I’d wrung every one of my brain cells trying to figure out how to message her, coming up with trivial reasons to text her, and flipping between joy and sorrow depending on whether she responded. I got so angry at the promotional e-mails that arrived in my inbox while I waited for her replies that I’d unsubscribed from them all.
Orimoto probably didn’t know or remember any of it.
I’m sure at that time in life, everyone will have a crush on someone, and that’s why they won’t be interested in anyone outside their circle. The actions of someone like that might be used as joke material, but they won’t be allowed to remain as memories.
Her words brought back my own memories, though, and the memories stirred my emotions.
Those events, which I thought I’d laughed off long ago, stabbed right at the spot where I’d been wounded then. My mouth, stuck twisted in a strained, polite smile, slowly expelled a deep, deep sigh.
“Oh, so Hikigaya confessed, did he?” Haruno said, as if she were surprised. But I could see a tinge of sadism in her gleeful eyes. It made me suspect maybe she’d inferred from my reaction to Orimoto that something was up, and that was why she’d dragged this fact out of her.
Looking at a corner of the floor, I somehow moved my lips. “Well, it was a long time ago…”
“Right? It was a long time ago, so whatever, right?”
I think me and Orimoto meant that in different ways.
Orimoto laughed innocently, because it was a long time ago, because it was done, because it was over, so she was free to say anything now. I doubt she meant it maliciously. She only wanted to have a fun chat. Orimoto’s friend and Haruno were smiling as if this was all just a fond little memory.
It was exactly like back then.
Back then, when I had confessed to her, I’d thought we were alone, but for some reason, the next day everyone in the class knew. I could hear their snickers from a distance.
I confessed, I was rejected, and that’s fine. That doesn’t really matter. With the passage of time, that can become a funny story. You can accept it as just another story from your youth.
What was hard was realizing how deeply upset I was over a little “no” from the girl I liked. But it had been my fault for not even understanding that much, for not recognizing it sooner. My own youthful ignorance was the one thing I couldn’t laugh off.
They kept on talking a while, but I couldn’t even hear them.
I think I was zoning out, lost in the past.
“Oh, that’s right, Hikigaya.”
“Hmm?” Hearing my name drew my attention.
Orimoto must have forgotten what they’d been talking about already, as she brought up something completely different. “So hey, if you go to Soubu, then do you know Hayama?”
“Hayama…,” I repeated automatically, and Orimoto suddenly barreled on ahead.
“Yeah, Hayama! From the soccer club!”
Given the additional information, she had to mean the same Hayato Hayama I knew. “Yeah, well, I guess.”
“For real?! I know so many girls who wanna meet him! Like this one,” Orimoto exclaimed, interrupting me slightly. Then she pointed at the girl beside her. “Hey, this is a friend from my school, Chika Nakamachi.”
Nakamachi smiled vaguely and gave a casual head bob. Orimoto jabbed her repeatedly in the side with her elbow. “Hey, Chika, he might introduce you to Hayama.”
“Huh? It’s okay, though,” Nakamachi said, but judging from the lack of shyness in her reaction, she seemed to have hopes.
But unfortunately, I wasn’t that close with Hayama. We hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers. “Uh, he’s not really an acquaintance of mine…,” I said.
Orimoto didn’t really look disappointed; rather, it seemed she’d expected as much. She nodded in a slightly exaggerated manner. “Yeah, of course. I doubt you’d spend much time with each other.”
“Ha-ha-ha…” Another dry laugh came out of me. Something had been tangled in the back of my throat all this time.
I cleared my throat a few times, nearly drowning out Haruno’s quiet mutter: “…Hmm. Sounds fun.”
“Huh?”
I turned around to see her eyes shining suspiciously. Then her hand shot into the air. “Ohhh! I’ll introduce you! I’m a big sister, after all.”
“What?”
Orimoto, Nakamachi, and I were all confused as Haruno popped her phone out and started making a call.
She tapped on the tabletop with her knuckles until the call went through. It rang about three times, I guess, and then as soon as it was clear the person had picked up, Haruno started speaking quickly. “Oh, Hayato? Can you get over here right now? Like, seriously, just come.” Once she’d said her piece, she immediately hung up.
“What are you doing…?” I moaned.
“Mm, hee-hee! ” Haruno had a broad grin on her face.
She looks like she’s really enjoying herself…
As we waited for Hayama to arrive, I stared blankly out the window at the city.
The sun had already fully set on Chiba, and the town was gradually starting to show why it was an entertainment district. Neon lights danced on the signs of the karaoke parlor across the street, and looking up, you could see the monorail cutting through the darkness of the night. There must have been a lot of people out on the town, as I caught sight of groups of people strolling abreast.
Eventually, we heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs of the restaurant.
“Oh, sounds like he’s here.” Haruno leaned back to look over at the stairs, and sure enough, Hayato Hayama came over.
He must have come straight from soccer practice, as he was still in his uniform, athletic bag over his shoulder. When he saw us, he loosened his bolo tie, expression slightly tired. “What is this, Haruno?” Hayama took a good look at her and, while he was at it, glanced over at Orimoto and Nakamachi. Then finally, his gaze slid over to me and stopped right there.
“These girls wanted to meet you, Hayato.” Haruno spread her hands and then swept one over to indicate Orimoto and her friend.
They must not have thought Hayama would actually come, as they giggled excitedly, leaning their faces close to whisper something to each other.
“…I see.” Hayama let out a sigh that was so very short and quiet you would probably miss it, but then he immediately put on a bright grin. “Nice to meet you. I’m Hayato Hayama.” Like flipping a switch, he showed us his usual Hayato Hayama face. After introducing himself, he began to chat pleasantly with them while Orimoto and Nakamachi cranked up the cuteness.
Thanks to the interest and attention shifting from me over to Hayama, finally, I could catch my breath. The lightly heated air inside the room somehow tasted better, too.
Now then, Hayama’s here, so I guess I’ll leave things to the young’uns and go home… I doubted I’d be seeing that movie now. If I were to go into the movie theater like this, I had a feeling I’d immediately fall asleep.
I closed my unfinished paperback and put it away in my bag. As I waited for the right moment to smoothly slip in a good-bye, the four of them seemed to be getting into their chat.
“Hey, why don’t we go hang out some time?”
“Oh, I like that!” Orimoto and Nakamachi said, and Hayama nodded casually with a smile.
This is a technique only permitted to attractive guys who know how to work the mood without saying anything of substance: to indicate an answer with general attitude, without saying yes or no. When a guy at normal level or below does that, people will call him wishy-washy or completely ignore him.
“Yeah, yeah, it’d be nice to go hang out. I’d love if we could all go. It’d be great,” Haruno said with utter seriousness, folding her arms.
Their agreement got Orimoto and her friend excited, of course, and they started discussing all the places they’d like to go.
I just noticed this, but when Haruno says, We could all go, I’m not invited, am I…?
Well, that was obvious.
From their perspective, I was nothing more than an offering to use to summon Hayama. I mean, in order to do a Tribute Summon of a monster over level 5, you need to Tribute a lower-level monster and send it to the Graveyard, so there’s no helping that. Stick to the rules and happy dueling!
As a loner who’d already been sent to the Graveyard, all I could do was watch things happen.
They chatted very pleasantly for a bit, but before fifteen minutes had passed, Hayama seemed to have adroitly managed to slip out of the conversation, skillfully creating a moment in which the two girls were forced to withdraw.
“Then we should get going…”
“Yeah, see you again, Hayama! I’ll text you!” They waved, and Hayama waved back. Even as they left, the girls were chattering away about Hayama, like, “Wow,” “So cool,” “Wow,” but once they disappeared down the stairs, I couldn’t hear their voices anymore.
I watched the two of them disappear completely from sight, and then Hayama’s smile quickly shifted into something much colder. His eyes flicked over at Haruno in a glare. “…Why do this?”
“Because it seemed fun.” Haruno bubbled with laughter, without an ounce of timidity. Her laugh was far from anything that could be called innocent—her malice was transparent.
Hayama breathed a sigh, seemingly in admonishment or reproach. “That again… So then why is he here, too? He doesn’t have anything to do with this,” Hayama said, turning only his head toward me, and Haruno immediately countered him.
“Not true! That girl—oh, the one with the perm—Hikigaya once had a crush on her! Don’t you think that’s so funny? I wonder how Yukino-chan would react if she found out… What do you think, Hikigaya?” Then she finished with a smile at me. But she was the only one here who was amused.
Of course I wouldn’t find this funny. And for some reason, Hayama’s face was melancholy, too.
“…” In contrast with Haruno’s cheer, Hayama and I were silent.
When the conversation died, Haruno breathed a short sigh of boredom, then stood up as if moving on, patting Hayama on the shoulder. “Well, just give it a shot. Hang out with them. You might actually have a good time together,” she said.
Hayama’s shoulders quietly slumped. His gaze was focused on a point right between his and Haruno’s feet. “That won’t happen…”
“Oh? You never know.” She casually turned aside Hayama’s listless reply and tugged up one of her sleeves. A cute silver-and-pink wristwatch shone there. “Yep, this has been a nice way to fill time. Right, I’m off now.” Before she even finished talking, Haruno briskly gathered up her things. “Hikigaya, thank you for spending time with me,” she whispered like it was a secret, leaning into my ear.
A fresh floral scent wafted off her as her soft breath brushed my ear. It made me automatically lean away. My ears are really ticklish, so please don’t do that! I took two, three steps back to quickly get away from her right as she walked by me, jauntily heading toward the stairs.
Before she left, she spun around to wave. “Tell me if anything happens, ’kay?”
I bowed, implicitly expressing, It kinda seems like you’re saying that to me, but nothing is gonna happen to me, ’cause I wasn’t invited, and watched her go.
Now that all the chattery women were gone, there was silence.
It was only me and Hayama left.
But so what if we were here together? It wasn’t like there was anything for us to do.
We had nothing to talk about.
The two of us had spoken in the past, but we were done with that now. Though we had similar goals and ideas, I understood exactly how divided we were, and that was why I had no hope of changing that.
We probably wouldn’t have any further contact in the future. I could tell that clearly from his and his friends’ attitudes that morning. We had both made that choice.
I grabbed my bag and started walking.
“You…” His voice came at my back, so quiet it could vanish any second.
There was no reason for me to talk. But my feet stopped on their own. I waited for him to continue, without turning around.
“…Haruno likes you.”
“What?” My head jerked around at the unexpected remark. When our eyes met, he chuckled. It made me feel uncomfortably transparent, and I faced forward again. “Don’t be dumb. She’s just messing with me.”
“I think she’s interested in you, at least.” Hayama’s voice reached me from behind. His tone changed suddenly. “She doesn’t mess with anyone she’s not interested in… She wouldn’t do anything in that case. If she likes you, she’ll kill you with attention. If she hates you, she’ll destroy you.”
Was that advice or a warning? The words were barbed, that was for sure. I was curious as to his expression then, but still, I didn’t turn around.
“…That’s scary.”
But that honest impression, that fact I’d realized long ago, slipped out of me.
Rolling on and on down the national highway at night on my bicycle, I finally returned to my neighborhood. It hadn’t even been a day, but already, I missed it dearly.
I got home and opened the front door, and for once, Kamakura came to greet me. He made a half-hearted mraah, rubbing his head and body all over my legs.
You’ll get cat hair on my uniform; cut that out.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked, but kitties don’t talk, and he made a displeased huffing sound, and coupled with his meow, it came out like meow-rrrng. What’s up with that? Is it a greeting, like “meowning”?
“C’mon, let’s go,” I said to the cat and went up the stairs.
The lights on the second floor were off.
Our parents wouldn’t be home yet, and it seemed Komachi had yet to return, too. She’d probably gone to cram school. Entrance exams were looming in three months.
There was already cat hair on my uniform, so I decided to get changed into the tracksuit I wore at home. I took my uniform off and tossed it somewhere, then headed for the living room. As I did, I didn’t forget to bring in the donuts I’d bought as a souvenir. I hoped this would cheer her up a bit.
And there, as if he’d been waiting for me, was Kamakura yet again, softly mewling in an aggressive bid for attention.
“What, you still want something?”
Mraa, replied Kamakura, heading toward the back of the kitchen.
There was a bowl there with wooden letters stuck to it. At a glance, it looked like a bowl made by Kadokawa, but no, it was Kamakura’s food bowl, handmade by Komachi.
At the moment, there was only crumbs and kibble dust in it.
“…No food, huh?”
Hey, so you didn’t come to greet me? The whole time, you were just whining for food? You’re not cute at all, you know.
I pulled the sort of Silver Spoon-ish kibble they say makes cats come running from a bin at the back of the kitchen and poured it noisily into his bowl. You know, the way this stuff looks, you might pour milk on it and expect it to taste like chocolate.
Immediately after I started pouring in the kibble, Kamakura shoved his head in the stream, so I didn’t know if I was pouring it into the bowl or onto the cat’s head.
“Make sure you actually chew.” I gave Kamakura one last pat, wiped off the dust stuck to his head, and staggered over to the sofa, where I flopped straight down.
I sighed deeply.
Then I did it again, and again, like this was some kind of deep breathing exercise.
When I lay there without even twitching, Kamakura came up to my feet with a quiet mew.
I figured he’d come over to report to me that he’d finished eating, but then he climbed onto my legs where I was sitting on the couch. With a satisfied-sounding fumf sort of exhale, he started purring.
“…Huh. So you can actually be considerate, huh?” He was probably just cold and using me as a hot-water bottle, but, well, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt this time.
As I ran my fingers through the fur on his back, gradually, my eyelids became heavier.
It’s been a long day.
I’m really worn out.
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