Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei - Volume 8 - Reminiscence - Chapter 14.2

"Um, are you sure this is alright?"

As I watched my brother's back receding, Sakurai-san stepped up to me and began talking.

"What is it?"

It seems, as if my thought processes had been sabotaged or escaped altogether; I had not moved my attention for a while.

"However skilled Tatsuya-kun is, fighting a war...... Nevermind rushing straight to the front lines, isn't that far too dangerous?"

"!"

Sakurai-san's whisper, rang in my ears like a loud alarm clock.

That's right! What am I spacing out so calmly for? Onii-sama is going to war!

"Miyuki-san!?"

Sakurai-san's voice floated behind my back as I ran.

Only her voice chased me.

She cannot afford to leave Okaa-sama.

I'm sorry.

I apologised to her in my heart.

Leaving Okaa-sama behind is painful, but right now, I have to stop Onii-sama!

I ran with that one thought in mind.

Fortunately, he had not yet gone that far ahead, and I caught up to him without getting lost.

"Onii-sama!"

He might not turn around. That fear flashed through my mind but it was a needless worry.

Onii-sama said something quietly to Lieutenant Sanada in front of him, then halted and faced this way.

Sanada-san stopped a while ahead. He probably did so with our consideration in mind.

"Miyuki, what is it?"

At him naturally, in a natural tone calling me 'Miyuki' I began to dreamily glaze over again, but this isn't the time for that.

"Onii-sama, um,"

I suddenly realised that I must not, under any circumstance, begin saying 'please don't go' over and over.

That's far too much like the kind of thing a heroine would say to stop her lover in some romance movie (or novel or manga or whatever) or something.

Not to mention bringing in the whole 'forbidden love between brother and sister' mess.

"Miyuki?"

As I stood suddenly lost for words, Onii-sama looked at me in a puzzled manner.

My cheeks must have been bright red.

"......Pl-Please don't go."

Even so, it's not like I can just not say it then. I have to stop him.

"Please don't do something so dangerous as fighting the enemy army. I don't believe there's any need for Onii-sama to do something so risky."

I said it......!

Feeling a sense of accomplishment, I thought 'this should be fine'.

For Onii-sama to shake his head at my words— to shake his head at all, was something I had never once considered.

"Certainly, there's no need. I am not going because there's a need, but because I wish to, Miyuki."

Which was why my brother's reply was such a shock to me.

Shocked at the denial, and shocked at his words almost implying he wanted to kill people.

But my body, rather than trying to distance itself from him, reached out and caught his sleeve.

With a clumsy smile, he took hold of my hand grasping onto his jacket, and gently pulled it away.

"As I said earlier, I am going for revenge against those who have hurt you."

Looking into my eyes, Onii-sama's expression was almost embarrassed.

"Not for your sake, but for the sake of my own feelings."

While saying so, Onii-sama's pupils...

"If I don't, I won't be able to rest."

Seemed to be telling me that everything was for my sake.

"To me, the only thing I can feel is truly precious is you alone, Miyuki."

That wasn't my mistake.

"Sorry for being such a selfish brother."

That wasn't my conceit.

Onii-sama softly released my hand, and gave me a laugh while maintaining his somewhat embarrassed expression.

My entire face must have been burning red.

However, recalling something troubling in Onii-sama's words, I furrowed my brow.

"Can feel, is precious......?"

Just now Onii-sama hadn't said 'is precious', but 'can feel is precious' right?

It's simply a slight difference in wording, and may not have any particular meaning behind it but...... For some reason, I'm anxious.

As those words subconsciously slipped from my mouth which wasn't even a question, Onii-sama gave a wry smile which seemed to say 'you got me'.

His expression seemed to be laughing, yet crying.

There was nothing like tears, not to mention I have never even once seen Onii-sama cry, yet somehow I could sense that to Onii-sama this was a matter fraught with pain and full of sorrow.

"I am sorry!"

So I apologised. I had vowed that I would cause Onii-sama no more sadness, and yet again I......thinking so, I bowed low.

Two slender hands slipped through and parted my long hair, caressing my cheeks. Onii-sama's hands, slim yet far bigger than mine, strong and firm.

His hands gently lifted my head, and I looked up.

There was no force in them, yet I could never resist. Rather, faster than my head could resist, my body complied with Onii-sama's will.

"No......I suppose it's about time you knew. If possible, I would have preferred that you never found out but...... As our mother's daughter, and that person's niece, that would have been a fleeting dream in any case."

Onii-sama's words were aimed at me, yet it seemed as if he wasn't talking to me, but reminding himself.

"Onii-sama?"

"There's no time at the moment, and I don't believe this is something that should be heard from me. So Miyuki, please go and ask our mother. The answer to the questions you have right now."

"From Okaa-sama......?"

To me without time to collect my uncertainties, simply blankly repeating his words back at him, Onii-sama gave one more smile, this time strong.

"Miyuki, don't worry. You are the one thing precious to me. Therefore, in order to continue protecting you in the future, I will definitely come back safe."

There was no deceit in Onii-sama's words.

There was no sense of comforting.

"I'll be alright."

Sheathing his smile and tightening his expression, his gaze unwavering,

As if it were a true and undeniable fact.

"There is nothing in existence which can hurt me in the truest sense."

I believed that there was nothing at all which could harm Onii-sama.

Onii-sama moved his hands from my cheek to my head, and stroked my hair.

He ran his hands over my now slightly messed up hair, laughing all the while, then moved to continue after Lieutenant Sanada.

This time, for real, Onii-sama headed towards the battlefield.

Then again, as you'd expect, I had no idea where this Command and Control Center place was.

I had no choice but to return to that room which has lost its wall.

Come to think of it, how did the wall disappear?

Onii-sama and Sakurai-san had said that a barrier which blocked magic had been incorporated, meaning that the chances it had been destroyed by magic were low, yet the cross section was so surgically precise that it was hard to imagine any other way.

Although I'm pretty sure they wouldn't leave me behind, I couldn't help being anxious and returned to the room at a trot.

Ah......

"I'm sorry for having kept you waiting."

First I apologised to Okaa-sama, who greeted me.

As important as it is to recover her strength, there's no way she can simply be carried on a stretcher, so thinking about it, it's only natural that she'd be awoken by some means.

Because of my own selfish discretion and abandonment of Okaa-sama, which resulted in forcing them to wait, I bowed low not to escape her anger, but out of true regret.

"There's no need to apologise, Miyuki-san. You went to stop Tatsuya going off as he pleased, didn't you?"

Okaa-sama answered with a smile.

Uu......She's pretty mad......

"So, where did Tatsuya go? I don't see him around."

"That's, um......Onii-sama went to help the military fight the enemy."

"Onii-sama?"

Okaa-sama raised an eyebrow.

Reflexively I thought ‘oh dear’, but I didn’t once think of correcting myself.

Okaa-sama didn’t reprove me either.

Instead of blame, she simply gave a long sigh.

"Doing things his own way as usual……that child truly is defective."

Her words weren’t denouncing, they were forsaking.

Not resignation, but abandonment.

I didn’t even have to ask who she was talking about.

Rather than indignation, I felt appalled.

For a mother to be so utterly indifferent concerning her own son.

"Well, whatever. Things seem to have somehow worked out this time, so let him do as he wants…… Thanks for waiting. Please take us now."

Okaa-sama spoke to the soldier waiting to guide us.

No, things didn’t ‘somehow’ work out.

The only reason I’m alive, the only reason Okaa-sama was saved, was because of Onii-sama.

Yet to that ‘somehow’, I was unable to say a word in dispute.

Entering the Command and Control Center, we had passed through no less than five blast doors.

On a floor around the size of four classrooms with no windows and no walls connected directly to the outside, around 30 operators sat in front of three rows of consoles in one hall, while opposite the large wall-mounted screen was an entrance leading to eight single mezzanine rooms.

We were lead to one of the single rooms with a glass front.

"I don’t sense any cameras or wiretap surveillance. It seems like this is one of the rooms high level officers and executives in the Ministry of Defense use while on inspection."

After examining the room, Sakurai-san informed Okaa-sama.

I have no idea what she did or how she did it, but her findings are always reliable.

That means it’s okay to talk about secrets in here.

"The glass in front isn’t just ordinary glass either. They have the same thing in the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. It’s capable of projecting anything from the monitors in the Command and Control Center."

Sakurai said so while watching the desktop monitor and operating the console.

"Okaa-sama, there’s something I’d like to ask."

In the meantime, I decided to take the plunge, and ask Okaa-sama about the matter from before.

"Earlier, Onii-sama had said that the only thing which he can consider precious is me, but……when I asked him why he didn’t say ‘is precious’ but rather ‘can feel is precious’, he said I should ask you, so……"

"I see. Tatsuya said that."

Listening to my question with a frown, Okaa-sama said that with a bored expression.

"I suppose it’s about time you knew."

Onii-sama had said the same thing. Just thinking about what this big secret was, I stiffened with tension.

"But, before that……Miyuki-san, stop calling Tatsuya ‘Onii-sama’. I don’t really mind in public places and the like where the presence of others can’t be helped, but when alone with only the Yotsuba, you should not be treating Tatsuya like your brother."

Okaa-sama didn’t reprove me in a strong tone, but was as if simply regaling me with an undeniable truth.

"You are the one who will follow after Maya and become the head of the Yotsuba. If you’re seen depending on the utter failure that is your brother, it could become a huge minus in the future someday."

"That way of speaking is……!"

I instinctively forgot my restraint, and harshly rebuked my mother.

As tense as I was while listening carefully, no matter how much they were Okaa-sama’s words I simply could not let them go unanswered.

"Calling your own child an utter failure like that!"

"I also think it’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth so it can’t be helped."

"That’s wrong! With his power, Onii-sama saved me!"

"That thing earlier? True, if he can’t at least display that level of……still, that is all he can do."

At my heartfelt objection, Okaa-sama answered in a voice colder than I had ever heard up to now.

It was a voice which had abandoned all hope.

"If Tatsuya has told you to come to me, then I don’t particularly mind. Where to begin……"

As my mother remained deep in thought, without warning the window taking the place of an entire wall changed the projected scenery.

The room full of frantically working operators changed to a bird’s-eye view looking down on the earth.

In that view I saw Onii-sama, having just dropped from the sky.

I looked over at the one who had brought that up, Sakurai-san.

Sakurai-san was wordlessly watching me—watching me and Okaa-sama.

That she didn’t intend to speak a word was obvious at a glance.

I also understood that she knew many things that I did not.

—Okaa-sama didn’t so much as glance at the screen now showing Onii-sama.

?

"Tatsuya was born defective as a magician."

Okaa-sama didn’t look at me either.

"It’s not that I feel no responsibility for bearing such a child, but the unchangeable fact was that Tatsuya was a hopeless cause as a magician."

That didn’t mean she had closed her eyes.

"From the time he was born, Tatsuya could use only two types of ‘magic’. Decomposition of Eidos, and reconstruction of Information Bodies. Within the concept of these two categories Tatsuya has devised a variety of techniques he can use, but however far you take them, with just those two, it is impossible to alter Information Bodies as a true magician should."

Her eyes simply stared into nothingness.

"Magic are the techniques which modify Information bodies, and thus change phenomena. However trivial the change is, to be able to make the change at all is magic. But Tatsuya is unable to do that. All he can do is break an Information Body down, and recreate it back in an earlier state. That is not magic in its truest sense. That child, who was born without the talent to use magic in the true sense of the term in altering Information Bodies, is unquestionably a defective magician."

Perhaps, what Okaa-sama was looking into, was her own heart……

"Well, that reconstruction ability did end up saving us, but strictly speaking that power is not ‘magic’."

I did not refute her words.

But, I thought.

If that isn’t magic, then just what, should that power be called.

If it is to be given a name other than ‘magic’, then doesn’t that only leave the word ‘miracle’?

"But, we the Yotsuba are magicians who stand amongst the Ten Master Houses, and therefore one who cannot use magic cannot be a Yotsuba. That child, unable to use magic, could not live as one of the Yotsuba. So Maya and I, seven years ago, performed a certain operation on him. Although truth be told, the motivation behind that experiment wasn’t that alone……"

Experiment? Okaa-sama, on Onii-sama?

"The Artificial Magician Plan. A project to implant in the consciousness of a person who isn’t a magician, a man-made magic operation area and thus give him the abilities of a magician."

Artificial Magician Plan. Those words rang ominously in my ears.

"As a result of undergoing that mental reconstruction surgery, that child ended up losing his emotions."

Mental reconstruction surgery? Lost his emotions?"

"No, rather than saying emotions it may be better to say urges. Strong anger, deep sorrow, intense jealousy, grudges, hatred, hungering appetite, sexual lust, blind love. Such ‘beside oneself’ impulses were lost, with one single exception, and in exchange Tatsuya obtained the ability to use magic."

That means……

"Unfortunately, the artificial magic operation area is markedly inferior in performance to that of a natural one, and he could only end up being used as a Guardian."

I won’t believe it, I thought.

There’s no way that could be, I thought.

"The one who performed that ‘surgery’……was it you, Okaa-sama?"

While thinking so, I couldn’t help but ask.

The large ‘window’ now showed Onii-sama, surrounded by well-built adults, making contact with the enemy landing force.

"Who else could do it but me?"

My sincerest wish, that she would deny it, was not to be.

I really should have known.

The Magic Operation Area is not a physical area in the cerebrum, but rather is a direct mental function.

Adding an artificial Magic Operation Area would therefore entail altering the mental structure.

That would be impossible without Okaa-sama’s magic, ‘Mental Structure Interference’……

"……Why would you do that?"

"I’ve already told you the reasons. Let’s answer something more important you wish to know."

—Ah, I see……

I’ve also noticed.

I realised.

In that experiment, it was not only Onii-sama who ended up losing some of his emotions.

I don’t know whether it’s a side effect of that magic, a sense of guilt or some other different mental effect but,

For the first time, I felt terror at this thing called ‘magic’.

This ‘magic’, which could so cruelly alter the human heart.

On the screen, Onii-sama pointed a large pistol shaped CAD at the foe.

Before him, enemy after enemy faded to dust.

"The one exception that Tatsuya didn’t lose…… Answer me that."

"The one impulse left to him, is brotherly love."

—Please stop already, Okaa-sama.

"Love towards his sister, in other words you, and the desire to protect you."

—I don’t want to hear any more.

"That is all he has left, his one true emotion."

But that was not allowed to me.

Holding my two hands in front of my mouth was an instinctive action.

It may have been a conditioned reflex.

There wasn’t really a need for it though.

I was so shocked, to the extent I couldn’t let out a cry.

"Tatsuya himself knows well. That’s what he means by ‘can feel is precious’. He thinks of me simply as his ‘mother’, and the natural parent-child attachment which should go with it does not exist. The only one he can hold dear in his heart is only you, Miyuki. Back then, he simply saved me incidentally. Or perhaps, merely because he determined if I were to die then you would be sad."

"Did Okaa-sama……intentionally choose for this to happen?"

Even though I was speaking myself, it felt like I heard someone else talking. It felt like a me which was not me was moving my body and asking questions.

"I obviously didn’t plan things out to that extent. However, I did think that if the capacity that was left was only enough for one emotion, then it should be affection directed towards you. Tatsuya will be spending far more time with you, after all."

"Did you say that to O— No, that person?"

"Of course I explained. That child still has plenty of common sense. Having no parental affection is trivial in any case, so there’s no need to worry about it."

When she said that,

Faintly,

I felt I could glimpse Okaa-sama’s suffering that she could not love her child.

"Is there anything else?"

"No……thank you very much."

A part of me, felt that I shouldn’t have asked.

A part of me, also felt truly glad that I did ask.

To squarely face a painful past, and painful truths, yet unflinchingly look forwards to the present and the future.

The screen showed Onii-sama, advancing resolutely into a desolate wasteland.

Neither shell nor bullet could reach him.

Tank-like things pointed their turrets at Onii-sama, and vanished along with the crew inside.

Onii-sama continued without changing pace.

But the soldiers advancing with Onii-sama did not move the same way.

To not be left behind by Onii-sama, they ran as if flying from cover to cover, shooting guns and magic all the while.

Ah!

One of the soldiers was hit.

Seeing the battlefield from a camera in the sky, it’s like watching something right from a movie.

Within the screen, before I could even begin feeling shock, Onii-sama was pointing the CAD in his left hand at the fallen soldier.

When did he?

There was barely any time to even turn his neck.

In the next moment, the soldier began running on the screen again as if nothing had happened.

An enemy turret spat fire.

It didn’t reach.

Onii-sama raised his right hand.

The enemy form disappeared. It was almost like the special effects of a movie.

Allied soldiers fell.

Onii-sama raised his left hand.

Just with that, the fallen soldiers rose unscathed and continued the fight.

What was shown on that screen was to me, with a far greater grasp of magic than not only the general public but most magicians, like a movie with an extremely poor sense of reality.

But those would be the irresponsible thoughts of a bystander.

To the soldiers fighting alongside Onii-sama, it was a fortune beyond their wildest hopes. Any injuries, even fatal ones, were healed immediately as if merely waking from a dream.

To the enemies fighting against Onii-sama, he was terror incarnate. A nightmare who raised their foes, and obliterated all before him leaving only shadows and dust.

Like an Avatar, Onii-sama strode across the battlefield.

All because I had gotten shot.

That was something decreed seven years ago, from the time he was only six.

How can I possibly make it up to him?

What can I do to ever make it up to him?

Even this life now, is something I owe completely to him.