4
Following the fruitless investigation of Taygeta, Emilia and the rest returned to the base to start discussing things.
A meeting to review their plan for how to proceed with trying to clear the tower—a meeting that Subaru hadn’t joined last time because he thought it would be more difficult to cover the topic with him there and because he’d wanted to check if he had gotten any cheat powers.
This is basically the limit based on what I saw in my dream, so everything past here is uncharted territory. There’s not really any room to doubt the accuracy of the dream’s predictions.
The only problem was he couldn’t think of an effective way to use the dream’s predictions.
“I guess it is valuable to confirm I can predict the future?”
That was useful information, but only insofar as the Subaru who had lost his memories was concerned. Before he lost his memories, he was presumably using the ability to some effect. The trust that Emilia, Beatrice, and the rest of his comrades placed in him was presumably earned using that power.
But the crucial point of knowing what triggered it was unclear, and even with that, it was hard to take advantage of prophetic dreams. Whether he just needed to go to sleep like normal or if there was some special condition needed in order to activate the ability was a mystery.
The dream was the only special ability he had at the moment, so he wanted to figure out the requirements for it.
“I also need to figure out why I woke up when I did and what happens next.”
In the end, his memories of the moments right around waking up were still fuzzy. There was the planning session going on without him, and his exploration of cheat abilities, and his conclusion that he didn’t have any special power.
And then after that, he had woken up and realized he had had a dream predicting the future, but…
“If I hadn’t woken up, how far could I have gone in the dream?”
For example, if he hadn’t noticed anything in his dream and had just gone to sleep, how would the prophetic dream handle that? Would he wake up after one day passed in the dream or would things continue with him having a dream in a dream?
“That’s a little scary. We’ll end up in Butterfly Dream territory at this rate.”
The Butterfly Dream was a story about the fuzzy line between dreams and reality where a man dreamed he was a butterfly, but then wondered if he was really a human dreaming or actually just a butterfly dreaming it was a man that then woke up.
Thoughts that went in circles and questions without answers. It was a nightmarish labyrinth of suffocating self-doubt, questioning whether he really existed or not.
In Subaru’s case, had he really woken up from the dream and reached reality, or was the reality he thought he was currently experiencing just inside a dream?
I don’t want to imagine Emilia and Beatrice shaking me awake inside that green room to start over again, but…
“…I just have to go beyond where the dream ended to make sure that doesn’t happen. If I can do that, then it should be okay to tell them all about my dream.”
It seemed like the Subaru Natsuki who had all his memories never told the others about his dreams, but the current Subaru was desperate for any sort of change in the situation.
He didn’t want to be too late because he was scared of an unknown future.
“I’ve decided. I’ll tell everyone about the dream.”
With that resolve, Subaru headed back to the base where Emilia and the others were talking.
Honestly, whether I can even explain this dream ability feels like a dice roll. The trigger is unclear, and I’ll need their help in order to even prove it. But if we can figure it out, I’m sure it will be a powerful tool. It might even end up being a key to clearing this tower.
So with that thought—
“—About Natsuki… Don’t you think it is a little too dangerous to have him accompany us?”
“ ”
Just outside the room that was their base, Subaru held his breath when he heard that voice.
When he heard Echidna’s levelheaded tone, he suddenly hugged the wall and hesitated to speak up. Missing his opening, he stood there listening instead as the conversation continued.
“What do you mean by dangerous, Echidna?”
“Do you really need that spelled out for you? Given his claim that he lost his memories—and based on his behavior, it does seem true—but with him being that unreliable, you would still insist on bringing him along?”
“Is it safe to assume you are saying that less out of concern for Barusu’s safety and more out of a belief he would weigh us down? If so, I am in agreement.”
Ram’s cold, stiff voice accompanied Echidna’s systematic statement.
“Ram!” Emilia raised her voice. “You too?”
“I merely stated an objective truth. Or do you really believe that you are capable of working with Barusu just the same as yesterday now that he doesn’t have his memories, Lady Emilia?”
“That’s…”
“I acknowledge that Barusu is not a bad person. But if you asked me whether I could trust a Barusu who is a blank sheet, then I would say no… There is no reason to.”
It was cold logic, but at the very last bit, it sounded like Ram was holding back a bitter taste.
Her reason for not trusting Subaru—an inability to trust Subaru himself after he lost everything as opposed to just not believing what he said—was entirely reasonable.
“I believe in Subaru. Beatrice does, too. Please, everyone, just have some faith in him.”
“…Lady Emilia, Echidna and Ms. Ram are not doubting him. They are merely pointing out that relying on him right now raises too many uncertainties.” Julius’s reasoned response countered Emilia’s plea.
“The way you are saying that, you agree with that spirit then, I suppose?”
But with Beatrice determined to be Subaru’s ally no matter what, her response darkened the mood in the room.
Suddenly, a terrible tension filled the air and a bead of sweat formed on Subaru’s brow.
I need to speak up and break this ominous feeling.
But even as the thought crossed his mind, his legs refused to move.
“Now, now, not much point in getting all heated up about it, right? Not like Master would be happy about you duking it out here over this.”
“I don’t think it’s really gone that far, but you’re not wrong…”
Shaula and Meili, who steadfastly maintained their unchanging positions as bystanders, spoke up. Meili hemmed and hawed a bit, taking her time before continuing.
“Why not just try asking mister directly? Ask if it’s okay to trust him.”
“—Ngh.”
Subaru gritted his teeth at the venom laced in those words. And then with a calm that surprised him, he pulled himself off the wall and carefully walked away from the room without any audible footsteps.
As he got further and further, his steps grew faster until he broke into a run…
“Damn it!”
Pushing his head against the wall he ran into, his body shuddered from the swell of emotions.
The direction the discussion had taken without him had been more of a shock than he’d imagined.
He hadn’t been so self-absorbed to assume he’d won their absolute trust. If anything, he had been assuming that wasn’t the case.
…But he’d thought that he had managed to convince them to believe in him, even if only a little.
“ ”
Because Emilia and Beatrice had been so kind, so considerate of him.
Even as he felt guilty about that, he’d haughtily assumed that of course they would believe him. Without any doubt, he had believed they would accept him as a comrade even though he couldn’t remember anything.
He finally realized that he hadn’t been looking at himself objectively.
What sandcastle of trust? Acting like you understand when you don’t know anything. Trying to claim what Subaru Natsuki earned for yourself.
“Looks like they wouldn’t believe me even if I told them about the dream…”
The fact that they believed his claim about memory loss was a testament to their good nature. But it was conceited to expect them to just accept anything and everything that came out of his mouth.
“It was hopeless from the start…”
He’d messed up. Subaru had messed up.
If I tell them about the dream now, I don’t have any evidence I can show to get them to believe me. But I don’t have the acting chops to go back to them and keep pretending like I don’t know anything, either.
I can’t be the Subaru Natsuki they want.
“ ”
As he realized what he was lacking, the view in front of him suddenly cleared.
He had reached the spiral stairs connecting the fourth and fifth floors—the massive empty space that filled a large portion of the thousand-foot-tall observation tower.
“Spiral stairs…”
Subaru’s voice cracked as he opened his eyes wide.
Counting the dream, this is the third time. In the dream and in reality, they gave me a brief tour around the inside of the tower.
So it wasn’t wrong that the scene was familiar. But…
“What…? This is different… A weird feeling…”
An eerie feeling, like all the hair on his body was standing on end.
His blood ran cold and there was a ringing in his ears that seemed to grow. His heart started racing and his breathing got rougher and, for some reason, his knees quivered.
Subaru realized something was wrong when his teeth started clattering.
Not because of a sudden drop in temperature or a change in air pressure or anything external like that. This change, this disturbance was something caused by his own body. Or rather the effect on his body was caused by something in his head…or something even deeper than that…
“…Ah…”
There was a light shock and Subaru took a step forward.
—No, it was not a step, because a step required ground to step on.
His foot moved forward into open space.
So…
“Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaah?!”
Falling, falling, falling.
A floating sensation took over his body. Up and down flipped, and a rushing gale roared in his ears.
He recognized this situation. He was tumbling. No, there was an impact. Something hit my back.
Someone pushed me—
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
Screaming, Subaru desperately reached out, searching for something to grab.
His hands found nothing. He was spinning so fast he couldn’t see anything around him.
A desperate nausea welled up from inside, turning into vomit that spilled out of his throat. And in that moment, Subaru caught a glimpse through the veil of fuzzy memories.
Right, right, that’s right. This isn’t the first time.
Right before he had woken up from his prophetic dream, Subaru had experienced the same thing. And in the shock of it, he had passed out, and before he realized it, he had woken up in the green room. In which case, this is…
“—Gah.”
The next instant,
there was a shattering sound and a shock like a thunderclap hammered the right half of his body, sending Subaru’s naive thought into the ether. And what came next was incomparably horrific pain.
“Gaaaaaaagh!!!”
Glancing over, he saw his right arm bent backward at the elbow and white bones sticking out of his flesh. He had smashed into something, but the momentum continued carrying him downward and he was still falling, slamming into the spiral staircase over and over.
“Gah! Guh! Gahhh!”
Covered in blood, the sustained momentum of his fall and spinning slammed him into the tower again and again.
His forehead split and he felt something that should be inside slipping outside. For just a split second, his consciousness grew faint and almost faded, but the continuous barrage of pain refused to let him go. It was a recurring hell.
“Ahhhh! Gyaaaaah!”
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
The pain, torment, nausea, burning all ground Subaru Natsuki into dust.
His arms, legs, face were all shattered, crushed, broken by the stone stairs he slammed into, until he lost his human form and became something not human. Shaped into something that was not Subaru Natsuki.
He was ceasing to be Subaru Natsuki. He lost his memory, his form. What about this lump of flesh, this sack of blood defined Subaru Natsuki?
“—Memories make the man.”
Subaru’s mind was swallowed up by pain and loss when he suddenly heard that voice.
Who said something that stupid? Who’s talking shit like they understand what’s happening here?
But there is something to that. Memories make the man. It’s got a good ring to it.
In which case, who am I, a guy who lost his memories and failed at his own life?
“Fghn.”
With a bloody noise, his throat was crushed, too.
By the time he reached the ground far, far below, Subaru Natsuki was broken into pieces.
He didn’t wake up from the dream. Subaru Natsuki screwed up. The papier-mâché crumbled.
—Who are you?
After the terrible pain and all of the blood spilled, Subaru Natsuki’s existence completely and totally shattered.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login