"So husband, where are you going to take your beautiful wife on our date today?"
I have to admit, that's a good question. What can possibly entertain a goddess who was two billion years old? Could this be what they call a generation gap? In my younger days it would be a p*kemon date or something where we play our g*meboys all day long.
What am I thinking, am I five years old? How could I possibly think of entertaining my wife on our first date with something like that? Don't worry, this is not some kind of sick and twisted foreshadowing. I'm not that stupid.
Now that I think about it, any quality date requires money. After losing my body I naturally also lost my wallet. I guess our first stop should actually be the bank to get a new card and withdraw some cash.
"Little wife, any date in this world will need money. The first stop on our date will definitely need to be the bank."
"Who cares about money? We can just sneak in anywhere or take anything we want, can't we? It's not like anyone can detect your wife if she does not want them to find her."
"Little wife there's this scary thing called the law and police who will make people's lives miserable if you do such things. If you do things like that, other people are going to need to suffer for it. Your actions of taking what you want could put people out of business. People may also lose their job if things just inexplicably disappear for no reason and they may even be mistaken as the culprit."
"Aren't mortals just a pain in the ass with all those make believe laws? Well, I understand husband, let's get going to the bank. Lead the way."
"Aren't you going to teleport us there?"
"It wouldn't be a date if we didn't take our time to smell the roses on the side of the road, would it?"
"I guess so."
Maybe if we had teleported then we could have avoided a lot of trouble. I'm sure the future me would have really wished I was more insistent at this time.
We walked about at a leisurely pace for an hour while holding hands while I kept the conversation rolling.
During this time I came to really admire how delicate and lovable my wife's hands were. They were so soft I never wanted to them go, so I made sure to walk as slowly as possible while showing her around where I grew up in great detail.
From the local jungle gym where I was crowned the "jii god" in my childhood to the school where I became known as the "god of posing" during a neighbourhood play when I was still a kid. I bet she really thought I was joking when I said I held those titles back then.
We even passed by my university where I spent five years wasting my time studying electrical engineering. I was really perplexed when I saw my wife's doubtful expression when she continuously looked back between me and the university like she thought I was messing with her.
My wife, I'm not an idiot you know! I studied hard back then, it's just that when I finished I was burnt out and didn't want to find a job in my field. Also, rather than getting depressed from applying and never getting a single response from employers, I'd much rather find an easy job where I could slack off and do things at my own pace. It's not that I was too lazy to send in my resume and write out cover letters, I swear, it's not!
Okay, it really was. Who am I trying to fool? I'm just a lazy bum who finds breathing to be tiring. I just decided to forget about working under such a high pressure job as an electrical engineer with constant deadlines and the weight of knowing that a bit of carelessness on my part could result in the death of many.
Really though, they tried to brainwash us and make us think safety of the public was our number one priority. They clearly just wanted to stop the crazy quack inventors from being born and bringing about mayhem to the public. Can you imagine what would happen if we started making EMP generators and destroyed electronic equipment everywhere in our free time for fun?
Do I regret learning electrical engineering though? Definitely not! It was super interesting, but the competition was rough. I was the type to never study but I still managed pretty good grades. I could manage an A or A+, usually without much effort on my part while sometimes going down to a B+. Just attend the lectures and figure out what the professor emphasized. That's typically what would always show up on the exam.
Classes that required groups was definitely my biggest weakness though. My group members were always completely useless and couldn't think for themselves. None of them ever wanted to take the lead or do anything and even I'm just a follower type rather than a leader. I prefer to stay in the shadows and do things in the background. Standing out was just a giant pain for me; from this you could clearly see, I was completely unsuitable to work as part of a team.
It was truly another big failure on my part when I finally realized the importance of working in teams as an electrical engineer. A team without a good leader, nothing good would ever come out of it.
Sure, I could accomplish everything on my own without help from my group members, but the end result would be subpar or lacking. If I had group members who would actually think for themselves and do their parts rather than me taking over their job and doing it all for them, I'm sure we would have had much better results.
When it came to doing public presentations, they were naturally completely useless as well. After being forced to do all prototyping myself for projects, those group members had no idea about how anything worked in the project. Let's forget about them being able to figure out how to put together a presentation on it.
That was usually when I would completely give up and just half ass everything. At that point I couldn't care less if the markers gave me a zero or called the presentation or project complete and utter rubbish.
Hah, university really was the worst experience of my life now that I think about it. Especially the years that had group projects like that. If I censored out the group projects, university really wasn't so bad though.
It seems my wife noticed my fluctuating emotions after we passed by my old university. "Husband, judging by your expression constantly changing, you probably don't have fond memories of that university. Do you want me to destroy it for you?"
"Little wife, please don't joke around. Don't go casually destroying property carelessly like that! That would affect countless lives and dreams."
"Tch, don't do this, don't do that. You're worse than my mother at times."
I really felt like I was flunking on our first date. It's only been an hour and I've failed this badly. No more reminiscing about the past, time to make this a proper successful date! Operation super fun first date my wife will never forget, start!
I firmly proclaimed that in my heart like I was making a grand declaration with unwavering determination as I said, "hello, I've lost my bank card."
Yes, we had reached our destination, National Bank and the bank teller was...
"One moment please."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, and she was like oh em gee when I told her I was sleeping with her boyfriend."
Yes all that build up just for me to talk to a bank teller and for her to treat me like I was air while she was talking to her girlfriend on the phone. Damn it, put me through to your supervisor! I want a refund for all my effort I put into declaring my grand operation!
You may wonder where the effort was. Well, that name took me a whole five seconds to come up with! Give me back my five seconds of unwavering determination!
"Yeah, and you know what she said to me after that? Like totally, you will never guess."
"Excuse me?"
"Like, shut up! Are you stupid? Why would she say 'excuse me?' You're like, such an idiot. Like oh ma gad rayleh?"
Who talks like that?! Did you just roll your eyes at me? Did you?! Are you kidding me?!
"Oh, sorry my girl, not you! Just some stupid loser who lost his bank card being a busybody and not knowing when to mind his own business. Like really, why would she say excuse me? He's such a tool."
Do I look mentally challenged to you? You can say "really," normally to your girlfriend, but not me?
Ohhohoh, I am totally going to get you fired! If I don't, may the heavens smite your phone down now!
"You would never believe it, she was like, 'how big was he?'"
Crash!
The heavens really do have eyes. You thought I'd say that I bet, but I'm a matured man who has seen the world. It was clearly my little brother heavens up above finally getting his act together and doing the work he was supposed to be doing.
"Kyaa! Oh my god! My phone!"
"Ehem. Excuse me."
"What the hell do you want? Can't you see my phone just got struck by thunder?!"
"Uhmm... I think it was actually struck by lightning not thunder. Anyways, I've lost my bank card. I need a replacement."
"Get lost you loser!"
Are you sure about that?
"If I don't get my bank card now, let the heavens smite your phone down again!"
Crash.
Holy crap, isn't this super convenient? I might get addicted to this.
"Yes sir! Right away."
Oh? What's this? Are you scared now?
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