Second Interlude
“You don’t want to have any regrets, right?” After I said that, my lips involuntarily curled up into a self-deprecating smile. “Welp, it’s weird to hear that from me when I’m full of regrets.”
I was trying to give Natsuki advice, but my words completely recoiled back on me. Who was I to talk when the past was all I sought after. But I don’t want you to become like me. The goal you first aimed for—that rainbow-colored youth—I want you to continue moving towards it. Even if my youth is stained gray as a result.
“Can I ask what happened?” Natsuki asked, studying my complexion.
I was a bit surprised. For a thickheaded boy, he’d actually managed to pick up that I was behaving strangely. But he still didn’t notice the reason why. It’s all your fault, I wanted to say. Because I love you, because I can’t stop loving you, being around you hurts. After all, there’s already a girl—a girl who’s not me—by your side... It’s too late to tell you how I feel now.
“You’re the only person I won’t tell. But I’ll have you know, it’s your fault.”
“What?!” Natsuki’s eyes widened in surprise. Evidently, he hadn’t expected it to be his fault.
That’s what you get! I hope you reflect on your behavior a little. I didn’t want to fall in love with you either. That’s why it’s all your fault I’m like this now. “We’d better head home now.”
“Yeah. Any later and we’ll miss the last train.”
“But I’m too tired to stand up.” I almost got depressed there, but I managed to cover it up.
I got up as I gazed at the night sky above us. It was clear, unlike my spirits. Suddenly, Natsuki’s face came into view. He looked at me, his expression pinning me for a hopeless troublemaker. I couldn’t help it; it felt like my chest was being crushed. I didn’t want to part with him here. I wish you’d look at me like this forever... I don’t want you to go to her.
“Huh?” I uttered, so unnaturally that I couldn’t believe that it had come from my own mouth. I’ll pretend I tripped. That’ll be my justification.
I leaped into Natsuki’s chest and wrapped my arms around his back. I thought I’d already known, but it dawned on me just how much he’d grown. He had been smaller than me when we were children.
I held him tightly. He was tense and his chest hard. There was no trace of his soft belly from middle school. I felt how striking his body, the fruits of his efforts, had become. Natsuki extended his arms behind me. Even though I knew he was simply supporting me because I’d almost fallen, my heart jumped for joy. My pulse raced like it was dancing.
“S-Sorry... My legs won’t listen to me.” I couldn’t suppress my swelling feelings.
“I told you we should’ve stopped sooner.”
“No way, I’d hate that. I can’t end on a loss.”
“You’re still the sore loser I remember.”
I’m begging you. Please forgive me. I’ll go back to my usual self straightaway, so just for now...
“Uh, Miori?”
...I wish this moment would last forever.
“Is something wrong?” He patted my hair.
Why did you do that? You’re usually completely dense, so why do you only pick up on what I want during times like this? Seriously... So unforgivable.
“Hey, Natsuki.” Stupid. Blockhead! You’re cocky for someone who had a high school debut. Although I came up with dozens of insults, the words that left my mouth differed. “What would you do...if I told you I love you?”
I could tell because I was hugging him—Natsuki froze in shock. Silence blanketed over us for a moment. My heart was the only one pounding loudly; he was merely bewildered. As time passed, my mind cooled. I quickly went pale. What the hell am I doing?
“Ah ha ha! Why’re you taking that so seriously? It was obviously a joke!” I pulled myself away from him and instantly spat something out in a teasing tone.
“Shut up! Joke or not, what was I supposed to say there?!” Natsuki appeared relieved.
“I’m going home! If we don’t hurry, we’ll miss the last train!”
I ran. I headed towards the station. I couldn’t face him right now. No matter how little it was, I wanted to put distance between us, all so I couldn’t pull anything like this anymore.
I need to keep a tighter lid on my affections. God, why do I have these feelings for him? I never should’ve fallen in love. If not for love, I wouldn’t need to suffer. I would’ve been able to congratulate him on his happiness from the bottom of my heart.
I never wanted to think about going back to those days.
I continued running towards the station so that Natsuki wouldn’t see the tears spilling down my cheeks.
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