Bonus Story:
Beastgirl Flamia
—♪
Hm... I hear something.
Was it music...? Yes, I heard music, faintly.
Ah... I can’t move.
As I stirred, I realized that I couldn’t do much more than twitch. So wait, what happened to my body? Was I still a sword? Or was I human?
I had no idea, actually. I couldn’t move my body, and my surroundings were sealed in perfect darkness. Where was I? Was I dreaming? Was this a dream? Then again, I couldn’t sleep, so this couldn’t possibly be a dream...
I searched my memories and finally remembered. That was right—I was being repaired by Alistaire.
Perhaps this really was something akin to sleeping. If I were still human, it might be something like having a lucid dream.
—♪
Suddenly, I realized the music was getting louder.
I wasn’t sure how to describe it, at first. Very energetic and bright, kind of like the opening theme song of an anime for kids? It was really up-tempo, with the kind of melody that makes little kids want to jump up and dance.
Kemomimi girl Flamia ♪
Let’s all sing together! ♪
Huh? What? Kemomimi girl? Wait, what is going on right now?
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemokemo ♪
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemokemo ♪
Pretty kemomimi ♪ Lovely kemomimi ♪
Kemomimi cuteness will go to your heart ♪
Captivating kemomimi for everyone ♪
Wh-what is happening?
I had no idea where the music was coming from! Was it really an anime theme song? Maybe Kemomimi girls were like magical girls, or something? It sounded like a duet. A two-girl group? And I felt like I’d heard one of these voices before...
Wait, this voice sounds like Fran! That was why it was familiar. One of the singers was unmistakably Fran. But why was Fran singing this song? And couldn’t I see anything? My surroundings had been entirely dark the whole time.
As soon as I thought that, though, a screen the size of a large computer monitor appeared in front of me.
Oh!
There! I could see them now!
The other girl was Mea!
Fran and Mea, dressed in frilly outfits, were dancing like idols while they sang! Fran’s outfit was super cute. It was a sleeveless, pale blue dress with white accents, covered in frills.
Why, it looks just like the outfit she’s wearing in the B2-sized tapestry available in stores now, with art by Llo-sensei!
Hm? What had I just said? I’d felt like I had to say it, in the moment. Perhaps the oracle (of the author) had visited me?
In contrast to Fran’s blue and white, Mea’s outfit was basic black and scarlet, cut in a more boyish style. She wore culottes instead of a skirt, and a tie around her neck. It suited her about as well as anything I could have imagined.
This kemomimi isn’t just cute, you know? ♪
She listens for people’s cries, ♪
She listens for cries for help. ♪
She kills bad guys with one deadly blow! ♪
She strikes them with black lightning! ♪
She crushes evil and spreads the truth. ♪
She strikes evil with a single blow. ♪
She wipes out all the bad guys! ♪
She kills all the villains! ♪
This is kind of cute, but also kind of disturbing…
The images playing out before me were a little disturbing, too. I saw Fran and Mea using magic and swords to defeat Shocker-like enemy troops. Fran was wearing the standard of the black lightning, running back and forth through the enemies, chopping their heads off one by one. Actually, the sword she was holding was me! So wait, what was I doing right here if she was holding me?
I supposed anything was possible in a dream. Except the details were awfully realistic for a dream. That blood looked pretty real to me...
Ugh, gross!
A single strike of Fran’s black lightning made her enemies explode into millions of pieces. Their guts were hanging out. Sure, the song sounded like a magical girl theme, but their actions weren’t appropriate for magical girls at all! Though I guess they were using magic...
Still, magical girls weren’t like that!
We’re the kemomimi girls~ ♪
Everyone will fall in love with our fluffy ears~ ♪
We’re not just cute, though!
After all, cute little kitties still have claws!
Claws to kill bad guys~ ♪
Kemo ♪ kemo ♪ kemomimi girls ♪
We’re here to protect your happiness~ ♪
We’re fighting somewhere, even now ♪
Kemomimi girl Flamia~ ♪
The duet was back, and so was the idol-concert imagery. This had to be a dream, right? Which meant the images I was seeing were ones I’d unconsciously created myself? In other words, this was the kind of stuff I’m into? I really didn’t want to believe that...
I’d thought it might be winding down, but it seemed to keep going. I was actually starting to enjoy myself.
We’re kemono children ♪
Bad guys are all our prey ♪
Anyone and everyone is kemomimi girls ♪
The earthenware of Seto ♪
The origin and Seo ♪
Cat belly button and the belly button cat. ♪
You are all Kemono’s prey! ♪
They’ve moved to a light rap interlude! They really did it this time!
Actually, it was pretty common for anime to incorporate have minor rap verses. This was the kind with weird and incomprehensible lyrics, but I kind of liked it? Fran’s chanting made an interesting contrast with Mea’s more up-tempo beats. When they said “you are all” together at the end, they did a kitty-cat pose. It was pretty great.
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemokemo ♪
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemokemo ♪
Cute tails, charming tails ♪
We’ll get your heart with our adorable tails ♪
We’re sending you the charm of our tails ♪
They were onto the second verse. Some of the words had changed, as was common with second verses. This time, however, the dance included them pointing their booties at me and wagging their little tails. It was an unbelievably cute image!
I got the charm, girls! It’s so good! Fran!!
My tail sensor is super sensitive ♪
It can find the embers of evil using the flame of justice in my heart ♪
We’ll shine upon a peaceful world and protect it ♪
We’re gonna destroy the bad guys with a single blow!
Burn them up with our white flame~ ♪
Rewarding good and punishing evil, scorching away the filth ♪
We’ll eradicate all of the evil bad guys!
We’ll massacre them until there’s nothing left! ♪
Fran had been in the front for the first verse, but it was Mea who took the lead in the second, singing about the future. She was wreathed in a white and gold blaze of fire, spinning flashy circles around the stage. Fran’s massacre had been pretty gross, but Mea’s total incineration was pretty bad, too. Her enemies went from being completely on fire to blackened ash. That said, Mea’s battle style of laughing merrily while she fought was pretty cute.
She couldn’t beat Fran, though!
We’re the kemomimi girls~ ♪ Our fluffy tails will make your heart feel cuddly ♪
You can nuzzle them if you want! Just you, as a special treat.
But if you cheat on us, we’ll punish you!
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemomimi girls ♪
For everyone’s happiness, we’ll destroy evil today, too! ♪
Kemomimi Girl Flamia~ ♪
Wha?! Someone will be nuzzling Fran’s kemomimi?!
I refuse! Fran’s kitty ears and tail were not to be touched by anyone I disapproved of! He’d have to be stronger than me, rich, kind to everyone without discrimination, good-looking and not nasty at all, have good social standing, and always put Fran first. And after they got married, he’d have to allow Fran to continue her adventurer work. Also, it would be nice if he could perfectly maintain me. Anyone who didn’t meet those criteria was a no!
Also, if he cheated, I would have to punish him as well after Fran had had her turn! I’d make him taste such hell that he’d wish for death!
Our tails are so fluffy and soft ♪
Anyone who touches them will be soothed ♪
We’ll give you all gentle healing ♪
Would you like to touch my kemomimi? No, not there, it’s too sensitive ♪
But I might be able to let you touch them someday.
Just...be gentle, all right?
Wh-?! Inexcusable! It’s absolutely inexcusable! Her ears were already off limits...but her tail?! Looked like I really did have my work cut out for me.
Men! I may let you touch her ears, perhaps! But her tail is absolutely off limits!
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemokemo ♪
Kemo ♪ Kemo ♪ Kemokemo ♪
We’ll behead you and exorcise you and destroy you ♪
Kemomimi girl Flamia~ ♪
Was the song over? Really, what was going on? And yet…what an unspeakable feeling of fulfillment.
Wait, what was this image?
“Chapter One – Futari wa Flamia”
Oh, the episode was starting! I guess what I’d been watching so far really was the opening theme. But wait. Wasn’t this title...kind of bad? Wouldn’t it get flagged for copyright infringement? I mean, the masterpiece of magical girl media that is both pretty and curing... You know! That one!
While I was working out my issues with the subtitle of chapter one, Fran suddenly appeared on the screen.
“Oh no, I’m late. I gotta hurry.”
“Fran! You forgot your lunch!”
“Oh, that’s very important!”
“Here. You’re clumsy, so be sure to watch out for cars, okay?”
“Yeah. See you later.”
“Have a good day!”
Oh ho! She’s wearing a sailor uniform!
Apparently, the setting was a girls’ school. This scene showed Fran heading off to school. I guess the woman who’d just given Fran her lunch was her...mother? She looked like Fran, but a bit older, with a motherly vibe. Another member of the Black Cat tribe.
Was this supposed to be Earth? The house and the rest of the town certainly looked like it. There was asphalt and pavement, and it all looked a lot like Japan. Even the road signs were in Japanese.
As I watched Fran running from behind, I saw her pass humans, but also beast folk, elves, and dwarves, who all seem to be living in this world together. It was kind of weird to see dwarves all dressed up in formal clothes, honestly. Fran was using flying leaps and other acrobatic turns to make her way through the town to school. Though this looked like Japan, magical abilities and skills clearly existed in this world.
“Good morning, Fran-chan!”
“Morning, Fran.”
“Morning.”
“You’re not late today!”
“Good job!”
“Mm.”
Fran received friendly greetings from the kids who seemed to be her classmates, Satya and Fult. Her homeroom teacher, Amanda, got mad at her. This was unfolding like a pretty typical school story so far, but I supposed it was the first episode. It was just establishing the world at this point, probably.
But just as I was enjoying the soothing experience of watching Fran go to school in a nice, peaceful world, the situation suddenly changed.
On her way home, Fran ran into some kind of weird guy dressed all in skin-tight black. He was yelling something about world domination, like every mobster villain ever. He started chasing all the kids around the public park, threatening to kidnap them.
You know, I’ve always wondered... The enemies in tokusatsu and anime and what-have-you are always trying to kidnap little children. How do they expect that kind of minor terrorism to help them take over the world? Maybe there’d been stuff with plots that moved beyond such kid’s stuff, recently. Stuff where the villains are actually a little eviler?
While I was wondering about that, Fran sprang into action. She hid in a secret area and reached her hand into her school bag. The bag seemed to be an item box, actually, because the sword she pulled from it was far too long to be contained within.
It was me. Oh, man... I knew this was a dream, but it was a pretty weird feeling to see another version of myself.
“Master, the Reidos Group has appeared. Please lend me your power.”
“Of course! Leave it to me!”
“Haaaaa! Transform!”
Black lightning surrounded Fran’s body the moment she shouted that. It was an amazing visual, but I couldn’t let myself get carried away. Her sailor uniform unwound itself and disappeared; the black lightning covered her important parts, but she still looked pretty sexy. This was a pretty typical template for a magical girl transformation scene, but I didn’t think this production would go that route! Fran was still too young to be sexy! I was going to complain to the producers!
Oh wait... This is a dream, isn’t it? Does that mean that I’m the producer? What am I doing?! It should be a cuter transformation, shouldn’t it? I understand that it’s important to make sure our older friends are interested in the program, and that’s why they need sexy scenes, but... You can’t use Fran that way!
While I was in the middle of getting mad at myself, the black lightning disappeared, and Fran appeared with the white and blue outfit on. She raised me to her forehead and took a sharp pose.
“Kemomimi Girl Fran, on stage!”
“Also Kemomimi Girl Mea! Arriving unannounced!”
“We are Flamia!”
Apparently, Mea had shown up at some point. They posed back-to-back with one another, exchanging a glance. It seemed they were already friends.
But, uh... You know, their lines were kind of a problem. This isn’t really gonna fall into the purview of homage, I don’t think.
Plus, after all that, the fight was basically over in an instant. I mean, the enemy they were facing was just a black-tights-wearing enemy soldier, not a cyborg or a monster or anything. Hey, production team! Why’d you put so much time and money into the erotic scene and not into this?! There’s so many other places to focus your budget!
“It’s been a week since I met my master.”
Oh! It looked like we’d suddenly entered a flashback. I guess it was time to see how Fran met me.
The scene changed. Fran appeared, running in some kind of forest. She was being pursued by the black-tights-wearing guys, but it looked like she hadn’t transformed into a Kemomimi girl yet, and so didn’t have the power to fight back.
She was about to be caught by the guys in the black tights! Just then, a strange light began to shine in front of her.
“This is... a sword?”
“Do you seek power? Then take me.”
“…? I hear a voice coming from somewhere.”
“Um, I was just talking, actually...”
“Is someone here? Where?”
“Uh... Um... This is the sword in front of you speaking...”
Heh. My first appearance was a comical scene, huh? Well, I was playing the transformation item this time, so... I guess in a world where Fran was the protagonist, that was the role I got to have.
I mean, I was ultimately a super cool, great and fashionable guy, so I supposed it was fine if they have to make my character kind of lame in the show.
The conversation between Fran and myself continued on the screen. I told her I’d come from a magical world to find the person who would wield me, but run out of power and ended up stuck in the ground. That was where I was when Fran ran up to me.
“So, if I make a contract with you...”
“Yes. You will become able to use magic.”
“Do you think I could win against them?”
“Of course. So, Fran! Please form a contract with me and become a Kemomimi girl!”
Wait just a second! That line was no good! That was just the super-famous “make a contract with me and become a magical girl” line from you-know-what! Wait, was I that nasty incubator character in this world? Was I gonna end up eating Fran someday? Ah! No, stop, Fran! If you make a contract with him, someday bad things are going to happen!
“From now on, you’re not just Fran! You’re Kemomimi Girl Fran!”
“Mm!”
Time for the episode to end, huh?
A version of the opening theme played as a now-transformed Fran cut down all the black-clad guys in front of me. It’s becoming pretty common lately to use a special arrangement of the opening theme at the end of the first episode. I wonder what the ending theme sounds like... Now I’m really curious.
“Fran’s in a real bind. But what should appear before her but the second Kemomimi Girl?! In this moment of danger, how will Fran know if the girl in front of her is a friend or foe? Episode Two: The Black and Red Kemomimi! Come and nuzzle us next week!”
Fran sounded super pumped up as she delivered her lines for the next episode preview. I was guessing the second episode was going to be all about how she met Mea.
How am I gonna get to see the next episode? I’m really curious now!
But, as if denying me my wish, my dark surroundings started to flood with white light. This was definitely a sign I was waking up from the dream. Were my repairs done? Come on, please wait for just a moment!
Just another half-hour, that’s all I need! Let me see episode two!
Ahhhh!! My consciousness was beginning to fade…
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