Epilogue
This Way Forever
There was a flash of magical light at the lake near Axel.
“Explooosion!”
The blinding flash was accompanied by a deafening roar. Some of the water turned to steam, producing a rainbow over the lake.
“Wow…”
Sylphina was suitably impressed. Darkness smiled broadly at her and patted her on the head.
“And how many points was that?” Megumin asked from the ground beside me.
“I felt this explosion wasn’t quite as powerful as some, but may I assume you deliberately restrained its full force because Sylphina is still recuperating from her illness?”
“That’s correct. A true master of explosion magic has full control over its overwhelming destructive power. And it only makes sense to take the audience into account when there is one.”
“Well, in light of your obvious love for explosion magic and your respectful consideration of your audience… I rate today’s explosion one hundred points!”
“Thank you so much! Thank you! Thank you!”
Darkness watched with a dubious expression as Megumin thanked me from the ground. “Kazuma, do the two of you spend all your time together being this ridiculous?”
“Oh, Darkness, what’s ridiculous? You sound just like Aqua.”
Megumin, unable to endure this, said, “He is right, Darkness, and though Darkness you may be, if you continue these insults, I shall show no mercy!”
“Okay, very well. Megumin, I accept your challenge. Come at me, whenever you’re ready.”
“Hold on, Darkness. That’s unfair—just look at me! Stop this! Ahhhh, no, stop, I can see your underwear! Stop flipping your skirt up! I will start calling you Perviness like Kazuma does…! Fine, I give, I submit! Stop it already! Kazuma, hurry up and give me back some magic with Drain Touch!”
Darkness appeared satisfied with her victory over the paralyzed Megumin. “Speaking of Aqua, what is she doing out there?”
“Oh, she learned that the shock wave from Explosion makes it easy to catch the fish. She’s been collecting everything that floats to the surface when we do this.”
“I must say, this is not ideal for me. Because of Aqua, it seems this has become my only Explosion spot…”
We decided we’d start getting ready for lunch while Aqua got the fish out of the lake. Sandwiches were on the menu for today. Darkness and Sylphina were jealous when they’d learned about how Aqua, Megumin, and I had come here for a picnic, so we’d brought another lunch…
“Look, everyone! Look at this haul! We’ve got so many! I might even save one for that nasty black fur ball back home.”
“She seems to have grown a lot pickier lately. She will not eat raw fish and refuses anything that isn’t flavorful enough. Then there’s the way she tries to follow me into the bath and the way she extends her claws when she sees your laundry, Aqua. I don’t know what’s gotten into her…”
“Hey, hold on—what was that about my laundry? Why does that cat only have it out for me?”
Megumin, with the help of some of my MP, pattered about, preparing a skewered fish for each of us, while I used Kindle to start a fire with the wood Darkness had collected. Sylphina watched us work, eyeing the fish with the excitement of a kid on a camping trip.
“I’m the one who went into the water and got the fish, so I’ll take the biggest one,” Aqua said.
“One moment, Aqua. It may have been you who gathered them, but it was I who finished them off in the first place. Therefore, the biggest one goes to the most important member of this party, namely me.”
“Um, I’d be happy to share half my fish with someone… I don’t eat that much…”
“No, Sylphina, sweetie, you keep it. Kids have to eat lots and lots. Otherwise, they’ll end up like Megumin, permanently stunted due to malnutrition.”
“Oh, now you’ve gone too far! Perhaps you wish to settle the issue of who gets the biggest fish with a contest of strength! Very well, I accept! Come at me, whenever you’re ready!”
I lounged under a nearby tree, watching what amounted to a schoolyard argument, and entertained the idea of a nap until lunch was ready. But then Darkness, looking amused by the banter, sat down beside me…
“Thanks,” she said, avoiding meeting my eyes as she spoke. “All my talk about how I would protect you, and you were the one who ended up rescuing me. Again.” Her words could have sounded bitter, but her tone was faintly amused.
“Yeah, this time and every other time to come. The way things have been going, I suppose I have to accept that I’m your babysitter. I guess we did help those kids, though. That’s all I care about. Plus, I got to do something adventurer-ish for the first time in forever.” I rested my head against my arms with my eyes closed.
“…I feel compelled to ask, but so I know for sure, you aren’t a loli-lover, are you?”
“Ohhh, you’ll pay for that! If you’re still curious, maybe I should use your body to prove I’m not into little kids!” Before I knew what I was doing, I’d jumped to my feet, but Darkness just giggled quietly.
“I know you don’t have the guts.”
Jerk.
“There’s a perfectly good reason I’ve never gone that far. I have— No, in fact, every male adventurer in this town has a powerful ally.”
Yes, all I had to do was go to those sweet young ladies…
“Hmm. Maybe you’ll tell me about them sometime. And where you really come from and why. Maybe you could mention Chris’s true identity while you’re at it.”
She glanced away from me again, back at the others…
“Huh?! You were awake when Chris was talking about her true identity and stuff?!”
“Of course I was. I have the highest defense and HP in this entire town. How long did you think I would be out for? I’ll have to give Chris a nice, long lecture when I have the chance…” She still wouldn’t look at me, but she laughed, at least. “…Sigh. I guess I’m more in love with you than I realized.” She sounded completely convinced and smiled wanly.
S-stop that—you’ll make me cry again…
“Y-yeah, well, y’know, Megumin and I—”
“Yeah, I know,” she interrupted. “I’m older than you and a noble, to boot. I know better than to try to steal you away or tear our friendship apart. I don’t want that, either. But…” She ran a hand through her hair, then suddenly leaned close where I was lounging again. “Maybe I could be permitted this little tease?”
“H-hey, you…!”
Not once but twice…?!
She was so darn satisfied with herself, and I was feeling taken advantage of and wanted to get her back a little bit. So I said, “You need to learn how to pick your moment. For starters, just look behind you.”
“…?” Darkness turned around and froze. Standing there with a grilled fish she’d been bringing over to Darkness, Sylphina stared with wide eyes…
“M-Mama…! I-I’m sorry, I…”
“W-wait, Sylphina! This isn’t—!”
Beside her, holding a fish I presumed was for me, was Megumin, her eyes glowing crimson. “Your feelings, you are free to express, but I said nothing about a secret affair! The nerve, asking someone to look after your child as a distraction! You are the most perverse woman…!”
“B-but…! But…!!” Darkness, as unable to follow through as ever, was on the verge of tears.
“I’ve gotta tell everyone… Gotta let them know all about how Darkness threw herself at Kazuma…!”
“Wrong, wrong, wrong! Or…well, not wrong exactly, but—! Arrrgh! Wait, Aqua, don’t go anywhere!”
Aqua set off toward town at a mad dash, Darkness close behind her. Watching them go, I couldn’t help feeling a little flicker of a wish in my heart.
“This is kinda nice, like being the MC of a harem story. Things haven’t always been easy, but I guess I really do have pretty good Luck.”
“This man—!”
I even found myself wishing we could all be this way together forever…
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