The Couple Exchange Gifts
“Kill me now...”
“Oh, it’s a white Christmas.”
“Yeah... I doubt I’ll forget this scene for as long as I live.”
“Because you’ve got li’l ol’ me next to you?”
“Is that what you think?”
“I’ll be mad if that’s not what you think.”
“Guess you don’t have to be mad, then.”
“Dummy.”
The actors on the show we were watching exchanged some banter before sharing a kiss. Shockingly, we did own a TV. Technically. It barely saw any use aside from the times it was turned on for ambient sound during dinner, though.
Out of the four people who lived here, the only ones who ever really used it were our parents, since Yume and I generally had our noses buried in books.
“Watching this makes me kinda sad,” Yuni-san said through a sigh, as she watched the two actors share a deep kiss with a vigor unachievable by normal couples. “I used to get so excited around this time of year, but now it always gets so hellishly busy that just even thinking about Christmas Day bums me out.”
“Ha ha ha, no matter how much you try to stay young at heart, you can’t stay young forever. But at least for you two, your youth has only just started,” my dad added, looking at me and Yume.
The two of us jumped a little and froze with our chopsticks in hand.
“Don’t worry about us if either of you start dating someone, okay?” dad continued. “Well, I guess I can’t expect much from Mizuto, but I’m sure Yume-chan’s a real jaw-dropper!”
“Heh heh, she’s done a lot to change her look. Not too long ago, she was plainer than plain, and—”
“Mom!” Yume lightly protested, flashing a glance at me.
You don’t have to warn me. I won’t say a word.
Yuni-san grinned and leaned on the table, resting her head in her hands. “I actually am excited, though. I wonder when you two will be out on the town for Christmas.”
“Do you plan to live vicariously through us if that happens?” I asked Yuni-san.
“Heh heh, maybe. I’m looking forward to it! You two need to step it up!”
Neither of our parents knew the truth—that Yume and I had already gone out for Christmas before. We were the only ones who knew about what had happened on that cold day back in the eighth grade when Yume Ayai and I had spent our first and last Christmas together.
◇
“I’m home! I brought cake, Mizuto!”
My name’s Mizuto Irido, an eighth grader with a girlfriend. Today, on Christmas Day, I stood supreme over all the girlfriendless peasants across the globe.
So why was it that I was still crowding around these small cake slices that dad had obviously bought from a nearby convenience store, just like the year before?
Christmas in Japan has evolved from the spirit of the original holiday into a day to spend with your significant other—an aberration akin to what was seen on the Galapagos Islands. Therefore, being with your family should have been the correct way to spend this day.
But despite that...I couldn’t accept it. Having a girlfriend should’ve translated to something more special than this.
“How’s the chocolate cake? Good?”
“It’s okay...”
“Let me have a bite. Here, you can try my shortcake.”
Shouldn’t I be having this kind of conversation with my girlfriend, Yume Ayai, instead? Then why aren’t I?! Well, I knew the answer to that. It was because we were just middle schoolers hiding our relationship from everyone. There was no way we could go out at night and meet up somewhere popular and romantic.
That’s why we had instead met up earlier in the day at a spot where bells had been jingling for at least a month—a place where loads of couples were. We’d done absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. All we did was meet up and then leave separately. It hadn’t really been any different than when we’d walk home together from school, and I knew the reason behind this as well.
Get ready to laugh it up. Seriously, laugh—this is really funny!
I had prepared a present just for today, but I, being the biggest chicken in history, hadn’t even had the balls to give it to her!
I’d even worked up the courage to get the present wrapped professionally, but now it was just a decoration sitting atop my desk.
Kill me now.
“What’s the matter, Mizuto? You seem pretty down. Oh, right, your present! I got you something! Here’s a library card.”
Kill me now.
◇
“Kill me now...”
I, Yume Ayai, was currently slumped on my desk while the strong desire to die gnawed at me. But actually, though I may have wanted to die, I had already done so. I was dead. Thanks for reading! Please look forward to my next series!
“Why am I like this...? No matter how much I mentally prepare myself, I can never actually go through with anything. I’m so sick of it!”
There was a wrapped box atop my desk. It was the Christmas present I’d prepared for Irido-kun. I’d tried to find a chance to give it to him during our date earlier today, but here it was, still with me. Need I say more?
I had a lot of fun on our date. We’d gone to a lot of places that were normal for most couples but unfamiliar to us. It had made me remember that we really were dating, but maybe that’s precisely why everything had turned out like this.
I’d been so worried that if I did something wrong, I’d ruin the good atmosphere we had going, and our amazing date would crumble apart. I’d focused so hard on making sure this didn’t happen that I’d forgotten to give him the present.
I wanted to cry. Why does this always happen? Why am I like this?! Anytime I tried doing something, it almost always ended in failure. The only thing I’d really succeeded at was confessing to Irido-kun. I wonder if he’ll ever end up getting fed up with the way I am...
“Yume, I’m gonna take a bath first, okay?”
Just as I felt the tears starting to well up in my eyes, I heard my mom call out to me. Oh right, a bath. It was part of my daily routine to call Irido-kun after taking a bath. All I had to do was tell him over the phone that I had a present for him!
“O-Okay!”
I needed to make haste, not waste. Just as I was about to tell mom that I wanted to take my bath first, I heard old music ringing out from my phone. This ringtone was the theme in a movie from the West that Irido-kun had suggested to me before we’d started dating, and it was also the signal that I was getting a call from him.
I grabbed my phone in a panic and carefully slid my finger to answer the call, trying not to hit the decline button by mistake.
“H-Hello?”
“Ayai...”
It was the voice I wanted to hear the most. Just hearing his voice made me happier than anything, but I wasn’t expecting to hear what he said next.
“Can you come out to your balcony?”
◇
I, Mizuto Irido, looked up at my white breath dissolving into the cold of the night just as Ayai opened her window. She leaned over her balcony and noticed me standing in front of her apartment. Then she said into her phone, in a voice that sounded like a moan, “Wh-Why...”
“W-Well, you know, it’s Christmas and all, so...”
I was so embarrassed! I wanted to make up some kind of excuse and try and pull a fast one on her, but I knew I needed to bear it. There shouldn’t have been any need to put on airs or make any excuses. Not today. After all, it was Christmas.
I drew in a deep breath, attempting to repress the middle school boy pretending to be cool inside of me.
“I-I wanted to see you again.”
“Hnngh?!” Ayai made a muted sound.
A-Are you okay? Did something happen? You sound like you just saw one of the Great Old Ones. Sometime during my confusion, I heard the beep of her hanging up as she disappeared into her room, presumably to hide.
“Crap...”
I knew it. I’d freaked her out. Even if I was her boyfriend, it didn’t change the inherent creepiness of showing up out of the blue in the middle of the night. God, kill me now. I’m so sorry for being born.
“I-Irido-kun!”
Just as I felt like I was falling into the same despair that Osamu Dazai had, I saw the shadow of a small-framed girl running out of the apartment entrance. Huh?
“A-Ayai?”
White clouds of breath formed and disappeared as she dashed through the cold air. She stopped before me, bent over with her hands on her knees, and gazed up at me as she tried to steady her breathing. Then, with an embarrassed laugh, she said, “Aha ha ha... I’m here...”
◇
“Uh, I think that’s my line...” Irido-kun calmly quipped.
Even so, he remained frozen in place. Maybe he was incredibly surprised?
“Heh heh.” I was a little happy, because I was able to pay him back for how he’d surprised me earlier.
I’d been too impatient to wait for the elevator, so it took me some time to calm my breathing after having run down the stairs. When I was finally able to let go of my knees, I let out another embarrassed laugh.
“Heh heh, my mom just hopped into the bath, so I took that opportunity to slip out.”
“O-Oh, I see.”
“So, um... I think...we probably have about thirty minutes, maybe.”
“Thirty minutes...? I see.”
We were never very talkative people, but today we were especially bad. Even so, it made me happier than anything that we were having this conversation void of laughter and filled with awkward pauses.
I guess Irido-kun thinks today’s special too. He treasures the time he can spend with me. He was not usually one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so I was only further enthralled with him whenever I could see glimpses of his emotions.
He may have given off the impression that he only cared about himself, but he was actually a really kind person who was good at taking care of other people. He may have seemed like he was calm and collected, but he secretly had a short fuse. These were all parts of him that I was able to pick out and save to my memory while being with him. I knew the real him.
I would carefully place each of these memories into my internal album and look back on them time and time again. For someone like me whose sole source of entertainment was reading, he turned my world upside down. I loved the time I spent with him. That’s why I—
“Achoo!” I shivered. Huh? Oh, right. “I forgot to wear a coat...” It felt like the temperature dropped as soon as I noticed.
I shouldn’t have rushed out here. Oh, no... Our precious time together... Why, oh why do I always mess up at the most important times?!
“How could you forget?” A wry smile spread across Irido-kun’s face as he unbuttoned his coat. “Here,” he said, wrapping it around my shoulders.
It’s so warm... I pulled the coat around me. Its warmth enveloped my chest, making my head go blank. It was almost as if I was being embraced by Irido-kun, which was a little embarrassing. You could just hug me, you know? But thinking that just made me even more embarrassed. Who do you think you are?! How dare you!
My temperature rose for a variety of different reasons, but finally, I exhaled and asked, “Aren’t you cold?”
“Nah, I’m okay,” he said unfazed, but his trembling shoulders told a different story.
He was definitely holding back. It was kinda cute, but if he kept it up, he might catch a cold. What should I do?
As I racked my brain for ideas, something popped into the back of my head, but the hurdle to pull it off was extremely high. It was such a high hurdle that it probably would’ve been simpler to just crawl underneath it. But, hm... Well, it is Christmas... Yes! It’s Christmas!
The overwhelming power that came from this one word pushed me forward, despite how much of a chicken I was. Thank you, Jesus. This was enough of a miracle to make me want to convert to Christianity.
“U-Um, so how about...” My face grew a bright red, but I gave my body to the power of Christmas and powered through to the end. “D-Do you want to share?”
◇
I was impressed by how easy it was for both of us to fit inside my coat. Our shoulders touched as we sat down next to each other with our backs against the plant bed behind us. I felt Ayai jump a little in surprise when our shoulders brushed against one another. After a little while, she leaned on me. I was surprised by how light she was, how warm she was, and how nice she smelled.
It was strange. I felt completely calm, but my heart was racing. I couldn’t let this all go to waste by letting her know how much I was enjoying this. I did my best to look up at the night sky while trying to keep a straight face.
Suddenly, I heard a giggle.
“What?”
“Nothing. I was just thinking about how cute my boyfriend is.”
Ugh, she saw right through me! She was in complete panic mode just a few minutes before, but now she’d gotten full of herself. I fell silent in an attempt to hide my embarrassment, but Ayai waved her hands in a panic.
“D-Did I make you mad? I-I’m sorry!”
“Nah, I’m not mad. Just a little embarrassed. You don’t have to worry so much.”
“O-Oh.”
“After all...” I hesitated for a second, but I pushed past all the embarrassment in the name of Christmas. “There’s nothing you could do to make me mad.”
Being even a little assertive wasn’t really my thing. I could feel that as I trailed off. That just made me even more embarrassed, so I turned away.
“Ehee hee... Ehee hee hee hee.” But she seemed pretty happy, albeit a little embarrassed, and leaned into me even more.
I’m glad that she liked it. If she hadn’t, I could see my next date being with a riverbed.
I sat there in silence, fully soaking in the comfortable sensation of her shoulder and weight against me while clouds of white repeatedly formed and then disappeared into the night.
“U-Um, Irido-kun?”
I looked down to see Ayai gazing up at me with an inquisitive look on her face.
“I-I have something I want to give you...”
My heart almost exploded. Oh, she also brought a gift.
“There’s nothing I could do to make you mad, right? So, um, you won’t mind accepting my present...right?” Each word sounded more unsure than the last.
Every time I saw Ayai act this way, I couldn’t help but think that she really didn’t have to act so reserved. She wasn’t anywhere near stupid, and she had good tastes... Plus, she was cute. You’d think she’d have a lot of friends, but because of her lack of confidence, she distanced herself from others.
“Ayai...”
“Huh?”
Without saying another word, I plunged my hand into my pocket and pulled out a wrapped box.
Her eyes lit up. “I-Is that...”
“It’s a Christmas present. I was too nervous to give it to you earlier today.”
“Huh?” She looked up at me, dumbfounded, before bursting into laughter, snorting and giggling.
I pouted. “You don’t have to laugh that much.”
“S-Sorry! B-But I wasn’t expecting you to have done the same thing I did.”
“You too, huh? I thought as much.”
“Yeah.” Ayai pulled out a wrapped box from her pocket and showed it to me.
I then realized I’d begun laughing as well. We just stood there, our shoulders joyfully shaking together. It was cold enough to pierce our cheeks and ears, but we didn’t care. When we finally stopped, Ayai wiped away the tears from her eyes and lifted her present, hiding her mouth behind it.
“Should we...exchange gifts?”
“Yeah, let’s.”
We exchanged our nicely wrapped gift boxes, and though it was honestly nothing special whatsoever, it felt like we were going through some kind of strict ritual. I gave my gift to Ayai and in return, she handed me hers.
I looked at the front of the gift, then the back of it, then the front again, but couldn’t wait any longer.
“Can I open it?”
“Huh? H-Here?” She blushed.
“You can open mine too.”
“Mm... Okay then...”
We undid the red ribbons on our gifts at the same time. Even though this may not have been the first time we’d given each other gifts, it was the first time we’d given each other a gift that didn’t have some kind of practical use—the kind you didn’t have to worry about being rejected. The gifts we had today were different. These gifts carried a certain sort of risk.
“Oh...” Ayai made a sound as she opened her gift. “Is this a pendant?”
Inside the box that she’d opened was a clear glass-drop pendant with a pink flower encased inside of it. This hadn’t been expensive at all. No, this had been bought with a middle schooler’s allowance.
Then, there was the fact that I had no knowledge whatsoever about accessories. I’d had to scour the internet with my lack of fashion sense to find something. I had no clue whether or not it was actually cute or pretty, but...
Ayai held the pendant in front of her eyes. “Wow... There’s a flower in the glass! What kind of flower is this?”
“Baby’s breath. I liked it because of its meaning.”
“Its meaning?”
As soon as she said this, she pulled out her phone and began looking it up, sending me into a panic.
“Wha— Stop! It’s too embarrassing!”
“Huh? What’s the big deal?” A teasing smile crept across Ayai’s face as she bent her back to guard her phone from me. “Let’s see...” she said as she began reading the search results. “‘Dreamlike state of mind,’ ‘pure heart,’ ‘beauty,’ ‘innocence.’”
“So, actually...” I tried to come clean, but Ayai continued.
“Baby’s breath is often used in bouquets for weddings.”
“Huh?”
I looked down at the pendant again and my face turned so red that it was easy to see even at this time of night. D-Did I just propose?! Realizing what I’d done, my face got even hotter. I should’ve gone with something safer!
As I wallowed in regret, Ayai took the pendant and unclasped the hook, tilting her neck while moving her hair out of the way. “Mm... Got it. What do you think?”
The pendant I’d bought and given to her was hanging from her neck. I wasn’t sure what I felt. Happy? Embarrassed? Either way, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment welling up inside of me.
“I’ve never really worn anything like this before, so I don’t know if it looks good on me or not.”
“No, it definitely looks good on you,” I said directly without even a moment to think. “It looks really good on you. Seriously, no joke. You look really cute...”
Ayai’s eyes darted away from mine in embarrassment. Her face, that had grown red from the cold, loosened slightly. The expression on her face made all the time I’d sunk into finding this gift completely worth it.
“I-I guess I should probably open mine now, huh?”
“O-Oh!” she said, visibly nervous. “Y-Yeah!”
I opened my present, letting out a gasp when I saw what was inside.
“Heh, I guess we really do think alike.”
It was a necklace. As I lifted it up, I could see an ornament hanging from it with a design that resembled a feather.
“I didn’t have as wonderful a reason as you did, but the feather kinda reminded me of a quill pen.”
“A quill pen...?”
“Um, well...” Her eyes swam a little in hesitation before she continued. “I like watching you write in your notebook, whether it’s for studying or anything else.”
After many seconds of silence, I finally understood. “People are into that?!”
“Agh! U-Uh, I-I wouldn’t say I’m into it, I-I just think it’s kinda nice...”
Um, pretty sure that means you’re into it.
“S-Sorry, I said something weird...” Ayai slumped a little and looked down.
“You shouldn’t apologize so quickly,” I said, putting on the necklace she gave me. “See?”
Ayai’s face instantly brightened, and every last shred of gloom disappeared as she saw me wear her present.
“Christmas presents are pretty amazing, huh?” I said.
“Yeah! They really are!” she said with a wide smile.
We both laughed at how awkward we were. Maybe this will help Ayai be more confident, I thought in the back of my mind.
After that, we sat under the winter sky for tens of minutes talking about random topics. There was nothing as grand as the Christmas lights in the city or anything romantic like snow falling here. The only lights around us as we sat down in front of her apartment building were the lonely streetlights and those of the surrounding houses. Even so, the brief time we’d spent together was firmly carved into my memory.
“Well, I guess...I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah... Later.”
We said our farewells in front of her apartment building, gently waving at each other. Our words were soft because neither of us wanted to actually say goodbye. As soon as I realized that, I grabbed Ayai’s wrist.
“Huh? Irido-ku—”
I closed in on Ayai and bent down a little, forcing both of us into utter silence.
As I stood up again, I could tell Ayai was blushing for reasons completely separate from the cold. She looked at me, her eyes wide with surprise.
“Well, you know...it is Christmas,” I said, trying to make an excuse.
“Hee hee, you’re right. It is Christmas.”
This time, Ayai stood up on her toes to reach me. When her heels touched the ground again, we looked at each other with faint smiles and finally let go of each other.
Nobody knew about our relationship, but I was sure that I’d tell my dad one day. My past self, however, didn’t expect that she’d be introduced to my family about half a year later.
I walked back to my house, the necklace I’d gotten swinging around with each step. Maybe next year, we could meet up without having to hide. Maybe we could get together at one of our houses and sit together at the same table. What present would I give her next?
“I should start thinking now...”
I had exactly three hundred sixty-five days, and I couldn’t wait.
◇
Well, three hundred sixty-five days later, we weren’t even talking anymore.
“All worldly things are impermanent...” I muttered.
I took the necklace out of my desk drawer after who knows how long and felt the divine providence of the world as a first-year in high school.
For a while, whenever we’d spot each other wearing the present that we’d gotten each other, we’d share a playful chuckle. We’d started hiding them under our scarves or shirt collars because it was harder to tell when we had them on. I dunno why we had so much fun doing that, though.
She probably wouldn’t even notice if I wore it now. I bet that she threw away the pendant I got her when she moved. I wouldn’t put it past her at all. “I guess I can try putting it on...”
I knew I’d prove myself right when she’d end up not noticing that I was wearing the necklace. But if she did notice, I’d at least get a fun reaction out of her. Filled with excitement, I fastened the necklace around my neck, hid the feather ornament underneath my shirt, and left my room.
I thought that I’d maybe run into her when she was heading to the bathroom, but—
“Ah.”
“Ah.” I ran into her as soon as I opened my bedroom door.
Yume Irido. She was taller and had longer hair than the year before. As soon as I saw her, I realized something. Something glinted out from underneath her black hair. It was a familiar pendant.
“Oho...”
“Hm...”
Those were the only words we exchanged with each other before we walked down the stairs one after the other to the living room. The TV show our parents were watching during dinner was over. Dad was sitting at the table while Yuni-san put dishes onto the drying rack.
Dad looked over to me. “Oh, Mizuto, are you about to take a bath?”
“I think the water should be about ready, so if you wanna go first, how about you do a quick round of rock paper scissors with him, Yume?” Yuni-san suggested.
It seemed that neither of them had noticed the slight changes that we’d gone through. We replied to our respective parents with noncommittal answers, sat on the couch—one space apart from each other—and opened our respective books.
“Heh heh.” Yume let out a laugh out of the blue.
“What?” I asked, my eyes moving from my book to her.
“We really don’t think alike.” Yume, of course, did not look up from her book.
“True...” I buried my nose back in my book.
I was reading A Christmas Carol, and Yume was reading Hercule Poirot’s Christmas.
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