That Which Is Obtained Is Nothing but a Bright Illusion
Found at Dusk
Joji Haba
Has anybody else ever had a time when they felt like there was something special about them? For me, there was just one time that I did.
“Let’s go to the clubroom!”
“Oh, yeah! But I have to help with classroom cleanup... Huh?”
I’d already finished erasing the board, taking out the trash, and all the other busywork, but nobody knew that except for me. As everyone tilted their heads, they moved on to what they needed to be doing—to where they belonged.
There was some convenience in having a faint presence like this. No matter what I did to support others, I never drew any attention. No matter who they were or how they lived their lives, I’d never appear as a main character in their stories. I was like a natural phenomenon—a stagehand who was never noticed but could support others from the background. This was the one thing that I felt was special about me.
I wasn’t especially talented. I wasn’t athletic or academically gifted, nor did I have any semblance of an artistic sense. The only thing I had going for me was my disposition, which prevented anyone from worrying or feeling pity.
With all that in mind, the way I should live life is obvious, isn’t it? Give me everything that nobody wants to do. Talented people should spend their time on the work most suited to them, not on extraneous activities. They could leave all of that, the stuff that anyone could do, to me and do the things that only they could do. I was proud of that.
“Haba-kun?”
I was carrying a garbage bag at dusk when I was stopped by someone who actually noticed me.
I’d been proud of how I lived life until I met her.
“Joji Haba-kun, there’s something that only you can do.”
Consoling and Supporting Each Other
Mizuto Irido
The sound of the clock ticking blended in with the quiet scratching of pen on paper, followed by me turning the page in my textbook.
“Hey, you two, I’m gonna sleep now too, okay?” Yuni-san said, heading towards the living room door. “Don’t overdo it with the studying. You’ve got this!”
“Thanks. Good night!”
“Good night.”
Yuni-san nodded at our responses and then left the living room. I heard her footsteps disappear towards her bedroom. I looked up from my textbook and saw Yume silently studying at the kotatsu. This was no longer an unusual sight to me.
Though we’d been stubborn during the first semester and had holed up in our respective rooms, this time, we naturally decided to study together for our finals from the get-go. We’d done a clean split of our best subjects and honestly made good review partners now that we were cooperating instead of competing, but...
Yume slightly yawned and rubbed her eyes.
“Don’t push yourself. You’re busy with other things besides studying, aren’t you?” I said.
“Yeah...”
This time of year was apparently pretty busy for the student council. They had meetings regarding next year’s budget, preparations for the graduation ceremony and the entrance ceremony, and so on. Essentially, their plates were filled with all kinds of events that weren’t on a normal student’s radar at all.
On top of all of that, we had finals. As the last tests of our freshman year, they were notoriously the most difficult. I could only think that the school had messed up scheduling everything. If Valentine’s Day were in March, Yume wouldn’t even have time to make chocolates.
“You’re not behind on your studies. Why don’t you take a break for once?” I suggested.
“Mm...”
“You’re the type to overdo things. Don’t worry; nobody’s watching. You can take a break.”
Yume stopped moving her pen and lay it flat on her notebook before loudly exhaling. “I’ve never had a third semester this busy...”
“Usually there’s nothing else to do besides study.”
This time was typically dedicated to Valentine’s Day and White Day—a kind of victory lap or a throwaway match between the two. Or at least that’s the impression anyone not on the student council had.
Yume stretched her hands across the kotatsu. “Receipt management is all over the place; it’s impossible to put together a budget,” she complained.
“Sounds rough.”
“Clubs also start buying things they don’t even need to use up their budgets.”
“Sounds like a whole thing.”
“The vice principal also suddenly suggested a farewell celebration, loading even more onto our plate.”
“Sounds rough for the middle management.”
I mostly gave short comments in response to every complaint she made, but I wasn’t trying to act indifferent. As someone not involved in any of this, I felt like making this kind of comment was all I could really do.
Yume began flailing her extended hands. “I’m so tired! Console me!”
“Sure thing.”
I extended my hand to her head, parted her long hair, and began gently rubbing around her ear. Although I kinda felt like I was petting a big dog, she seemed to enjoy it from her relaxed expression and how she was rubbing her cheek against my hand.
“This give you the extra boost you need?” I asked.
“Mm... Gimme a little more.” I smiled at her childish voice and began rubbing the back of her ear. Her lips curled as if she’d been tickled, and then she looked at me gently. “Thanks.” A strand of hair landed on her cheek.
“Don’t mention it.”
“Okay, then I’m expecting something expensive for White Day.”
“Really puttin’ on the pressure, aren’t you?” The worst part was I actually was in the midst of figuring out what to do.
Yume giggled, her shoulders shaking. “Are you okay, though?”
“Hm?”
“Aren’t you helping Higashira-san study?”
I’d been asked to continue helping Isana study as her tutor. But even if Natora-san hadn’t asked me to, I would’ve wanted to help out anyway. As Isana’s manager, I couldn’t exactly let her flunk out of school. I was in the midst of getting her back on track through study sessions over video, especially since she apparently never paid attention during class.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay? Don’t you have your own studying to worry about?”
“Studying doesn’t take too long for me. If anything it’s scary how long it takes to help Isana study.”
She lost motivation quickly and didn’t understand anything unless I repeated it over and over again. It was horrible. She was the stereotypical person who could only use her full abilities on things she was actually interested in.
Suddenly, Yume extended her hands and put them on my cheeks. “There, there.”
“You’re comforting me now?” I asked.
“I’ll let you lie on my lap if you’d like.”
“I’d fall asleep if I did that...”
“Oh. True,” she said. Everything would be over if our parents stumbled onto me sleeping on her lap under the kotatsu. “Then I guess that’ll also be on White Day?”
“The graduation ceremony’s the same day, right?” I asked.
“Yeah. We’ll still have the entrance ceremony, but overall, everything’ll have calmed down by then.”
“I guess...I’ll just have to look forward to it.”
“Yeah.”
I took the hand she’d placed on my cheek in mine. She squeezed, and for a while, we just sat there under the kotatsu with our fingers intertwined.
“Mizuto?”
“Yeah?”
“Would...it be okay if I move next to you?”
“All right, fine,” I said after a pause.
“Heh heh. Yay!”
I moved a little to the side so Yume could move next to me. As she sat down, I could feel our feet next to each other. Then we leaned against each other, and I wrapped my arm around her slender waist as if to support her.
“Mm...”
It went without saying, but we didn’t get any studying done after that.
My Underclassman Commuter Girlfriend
Tohdo Hoshibe
“Senpai, hangin’ in there?”
The door to my room suddenly opened, making me jump from my bed. I automatically hid my phone underneath the sheets without really thinking too much about it. Standing in my doorway was my girlfriend, Aisa Aso, wearing a coat over her street clothes. As usual, she looked at me with her patented cute, devilish grin.
“Where’d you get that key from?” I asked.
“Your mom was kind enough to give me a spare,” she said proudly, jingling the keys to show me.
I was already aware that my mom had taken a liking to Aisa. It was interesting how Aisa’s classmates hated her but their parents loved her schmoozing.
As I sighed, Aisa narrowed her eyes and stared at me. “Senpai...” Her eyes fell on the phone that I’d hidden under my sheets. “Were you looking at something dirty?”
Seeing the inquisitive look of my girlfriend, I looked back at her like a suspect being interrogated by the police. “Are you the type of girl who makes her boyfriend throw out all his porn?”
“Yep.”
She didn’t even pause to think.
It was honestly kinda refreshing how quickly and boldly she could declare that. She took one step after another, closing in on me before putting her hands on her hips and looking down on me.
“What’s the point of porn when you have a cute girlfriend like me?”
“To argue on behalf of all the guys out there, there’s a difference between the real thing and created content.”
“I send you selfies every day!” She puffed her cheeks, but I shrugged her off.
Why doesn’t she understand that girlfriends are different from porn actresses and girls with alt accounts?
“Well, whatever. I’ll wring out your lust later,” she said.
“You’re scaring me.”
“But first, food. Your mom asked me to make you lunch.” Aisa raised a plastic bag that looked like it had ingredients inside.
“She asked you? How?”
“Over LINE.”
“Why the heck are you friends with my mom on LINE?!”
It felt gross. My mom had already been chewing my ear off, telling me how I shouldn’t let Aisa get away ’cause she’s a keeper. Ever since Aisa and I started dating, she’d been coming over here like a commuter wife, marking me as hers. The reason she was on such good terms with my mom was her frequent visits. Despite how she looked, Aisa was very good at helping out around the house, but for some reason whenever she did, I felt some kind of weird seductive cuteness from her.
“Look, I’m grateful that you’re gonna make me food and all, but...what about studying?”
“Uh... What might you be referring to?” Aisa quickly looked away from me.
Seriously? You have finals soon. Did you come here to escape from reality? “Sheesh, fine. I’ll help you study, okay?”
“Heh heh. Sorry for the burden. I’ll do my best not to bring any embarrassment to the student council name.”
Ultimately, we didn’t end up studying.
I heard satisfied, soft breathing from next to me as I glanced at the closed curtains. It was already dark outside as the night began to roll in. Next, I looked at my naked girlfriend, using my shoulder as a pillow while she slept.
She wasn’t tired as a result of our actions; rather, she’d already been exhausted before coming over. Around this time of year, the student council was extremely busy, which made me want to ask her if it was really wise for her to be spending her time not studying.
“We’ve really gotten addicted to this, huh...?” I whispered as I gently stroked Aisa’s hair.
I didn’t really have any right to talk down to her. All I could do was hope that everything she’d studied so far was on the test. I took out my phone and began using it while continuing to stroke the bangs of my sleeping girlfriend.
As I did, I heard her talking in her sleep. “Senpai... Mm... Together forever...”
She didn’t drop the cutesy act even in her sleep. I did my best to hold back a smirk. Instead, I kissed her on the forehead and whispered my response.
“Yeah. I know.” Why do you think I’m trying to figure out what to get you for White Day?
Not Just Always Being on the Receiving Side
Kogure Kawanami
Every now and then, I looked back on my life. Just like a lot of people, I’d say that my best years were in elementary school. I passed each day surrounded by friends, feeling like I was the main character of the world. What exactly separated my current self from my past self?
Back then, I felt invincible and fulfilled. I was confident that no matter what I did, I wouldn’t fail. One might say I had simply never been put in my place, which would be right for that time. Of course I hadn’t. I was just a little kid—a frog in a well. But even so, compared to how I was now, I’d take the way I used to be any day of the week.
Now, I was self-aware. I wished I could be the arrogant kid who thought he could do anything. When did I start thinking like this? It must’ve been around that time—when I was under the wrong impression that just by opening my mouth and waiting, I’d get a girlfriend.
“I... I kinda...like you. Is that...okay?”
When the childhood friend I was so fond of randomly asked me out, I probably became a coward. I got used to things being handed to me.
It crossed my mind that the societal belief that White Day is more important than Valentine’s Day might be kinda sexist. If our genders were switched, the girl version of me would fret over what kind of chocolates to give every time Valentine’s Day came around. In reality, all I did was wait for her to give me the chocolates and then use that as a basis to give her something back in return.
I got the feeling that ever since we dated, I’d always been on the receiving end of everything. While I’d have liked to believe it was a kink of hers, it realistically stemmed from my pride and indolence.
Even when it came to curing this weird allergy of mine, she had taken the first step. I’d never tried at all. There should’ve been a responsibility for me to grant her wish that I would be able to freely express my feelings for someone.
“Might be about time for me to show that I’m a man...”
Suddenly I felt my face lightly slapped by a notebook. “Hey! No slackin’ off!”
As I raised my head from the armrest of the couch, I saw Minami looking down on me, her eyebrows raised. She was wearing a knitted, fluffy sweater, which was civilized for her.
“I’m not slackin’ off. I was just reflectin’ on my life.”
“Reflect on what’s gonna be on the test first. I’m takin’ time to help you study since you can’t ask Irido-kun, remember?!” Minami huffed, placing reheated coffee on the table.
Right. Up until now, I’ve had the help of my best friend who ranks number two in our grade, but now I can’t ask him since Higashira went crying to him about failing, and he can’t let that happen. I had White Day to think about, so I wished she’d get off my case, especially since she was the one who gave me romantic chocolates in the first place.
“Okay, let’s get back to it!” she said, sitting on her knees at the table. She tapped on the carpet, signaling for me to join her. “I just barely avoided failing last time, so we’re gonna do this right, got it?!”
“Yeah. Sorry...”
I got up off the couch and sat cross-legged next to Minami. Then her eyebrows raised as if she was suspicious of something.
“Something’s up. You gave in way too fast,” she said.
“Chill. It’s just my second wind kicking in.”
Before figuring out my next step, I needed to focus on finals. If I didn’t like being handed things, I needed to handle something this trivial on my own. I picked up my pencil and started taking action.
“By the way, there’s somethin’ I’ve been meanin’ to ask,” I said.
“Hm?”
“What’s somethin’ I could do to make you happy?”
Minami looked taken aback and stared at me. “Are...you trying to make me say something dirty?”
“Hell no! You’re the dirty one!” I’m an idiot for even trying.
The Capacity of a Stagehand
Joji Haba
“Why don’t you take a seat, Haba? You’re part of the team now.”
My presence on the student council was more or less a result of me being kidnapped. I was a person nobody perceived—someone who wanted to stay invisible like a stagehand. However, I’d been dragged to the student council before I knew it and had been given the title of treasurer.
The one who’d done that had been the vice president, who was not only a first-year but also my classmate.
“You’re wondering what I’m thinking?” Kurenai-san had asked. “If anything, I want to ask you what you’re thinking. Despite having both analytical and observation abilities that those of rival veteran secretaries, you insist on remaining in obscurity. It’s only natural to jump at the opportunity for a hidden gem like you.”
Suzuri Kurenai had a silver tongue. Her abilities and beauty were captivating, and she was the very same person who was praising strengths that I didn’t have. I wasn’t a hidden gem—I was just plain hidden.
After joining the student council, I had found that it wasn’t as bad as I had originally thought.
“Wow, Joe, you’re amazing!” Aso-san said. “You’re already done?! Business as usual, huh? In comparison, Aisa’s just so slow at work...”
“Hey, Aisa Aso, don’t push your work onto Joe!” Kurenai-san snapped.
“Heh heh,” chuckled our upperclassman in charge of general affairs. “Isn’t it nice that you have such formidable underclassmen, President Hoshibe?”
“What’re you on about? They’re just annoying,” President Hoshibe scoffed.
The general affairs upperclassman gently watched as Aso-san and Kurenai-san bickered with each other, while President Hoshibe yawned as if he was bored. I would’ve been lying if I said I felt comfortable in this atmosphere.
Being on the student council didn’t suit me, but I was fairly certain that being with these people would be fun, and that was enough. Just that would’ve been more than enough.
“What’s the matter, Joe? Are you trying to run away when a girl’s trying to show you some fun? You’re such a greedy guy. You’re really discarding a beautiful girl’s offer of her virginity?”
That’s too much for me—a person who’s always lived his life as an invisible guy—to handle, Kurenai-san. Accepting someone else’s feelings is too heavy for me.
Good Work. Rest Up.
Mizuto Irido
“Okay. Good.”
Hearing my approval, Isana let out a long sigh and crashed onto her desk. “I made it... I truly thought that this might’ve been too tall an order.”
“Good work. Rest up. I’ll take care of the upload.”
“Thank you...”
As part of my management of Isana, I made sure that she would upload a picture that tied in with the season’s events. Of course, this included White Day. This was the first difficult battle Isana had had to face. She really couldn’t come up with anything.
Now that I thought about it, Isana’s main source of images came from light novels. Unfortunately, the climax of these series would often fall on White Day, meaning the day itself wasn’t typically explored. For romcoms with multiple heroines, usually, White Day would be when the protagonist would choose one of them. Those were definitely prominent, but there weren’t many stories that just depicted White Day straight out.
In the first place, it was an event that mostly centered around guys. I thought of maybe having her draw a male character, but ultimately, I had her choose the “winning heroine,” which helped her a lot. Since the only real references we could draw from were romcoms, I figured we’d keep things simple.
Heroines winning or losing was surprisingly a fairly widespread topic, so it matched Isana’s style of letting the viewer fill in the blanks. I could easily see it getting five hundred retweets.
We’d actually begun getting followed by what I could only assume were official accounts of people in the industry. It was completely possible that we could get requests for actual work. When I consulted Keikoin-san about this, he even said that it wouldn’t be strange if we were sent inquiries.
Isana’s dream was to work on light novel illustrations, but it might’ve been a little too early for that. After all, she didn’t have much experience at all when it came to drawing characters that weren’t pretty girls. First, she needed to learn how to draw guys and adults and stock up on knowledge of how to draw minor characters. I estimated she’d be able to get good enough by next year at the earliest.
After that, we can make a portfolio, and...
As I made a plan in my head and left Isana’s room, I noticed Natora-san in the living room. She was lazing about on the couch with her knees up while playing a game on the TV. It was a fighting game that probably needed a lot of focus, but as soon as I entered, she called out to me without even turning around.
“Hey, good work. Not too tired, I hope.”
“Thanks. No, I hope you aren’t either.”
“Hell no. Who do you think I am, kid?”
Jeez. I was just greeting you. There’s no need for any of that animosity. Then again, I’d gotten used to how little like an adult she acted.
“You’re goin’ through hell managin’ my lazy-ass daughter, right? I heard about how she did on the finals.”
“It’s all her. Plus, I’m not the type to spend too much time studying.”
“Take a victory lap. You made my daughter avoid flunkin’ out of a prep school.” Her hands stopped moving and she turned around to look at me. I guess she finished her match. “You did good! You can do my daughter.”
“I’ll pass. I’m not looking to get canceled.”
She cackled at my crappy excuse and started the next match. I hadn’t told her that I’d begun dating Yume. I wasn’t sure how serious she was about getting me and Isana together, but I’d probably have to set her straight one day. As Isana’s mom, she had the right to lambast me for being alone with her daughter despite having a girlfriend.
But I’d do that after Isana’s situation settled a little bit more. Worst-case scenario, she might forbid Isana from contacting me at all, which would leave Isana completely helpless. In my mind, it didn’t matter how bad her opinion of me could get. I refused to tell her the truth just yet.
After grabbing some water, I went back to Isana’s room, where she was still flat on her desk, passed out. She must’ve been completely exhausted under the weight of needing to study for hellish finals while still having to post art. I grabbed a blanket from her bed and wrapped it over her rising and falling shoulders.
“Good work. Rest up,” I said quietly before leaving a small bag next to her head, the contents of which were some cookies that I’d bought from the train station.
Senpai
Aisa Aso
When I opened my eyes, more often than not I thought it was cold, and it wasn’t because of the March weather. Nor was it because I didn’t have a thick enough blanket. It was most likely because I had gotten so used to Senpai being by my side.
I clutched my knees under the covers as I yearned for his warmth. I know it’s weird for me of all people to say this, but I was beginning to feel uneasy. Something small like him not being next to me in bed made me feel so lonely. This was even in light of the fact that we slept together twice a week. Apparently my relentless desire to be validated by others was saying that wasn’t enough. Am I possibly dependent on him? No, wait, I can make this sound better than it actually is. Senpai has stained me in his colors. Oh my gawd, what a dirty boy!
In all honesty, the idea of him no longer being my senpai had me kicking and screaming. Ever since I’d met him, he’d been my upperclassman. I couldn’t imagine him as anything other than that, which was why even now that we were dating, I still called him “Senpai” and spoke formally to him. I had no plans of stopping either.
Sometimes he’d be all like, “How long are you gonna keep up the formalities?” But being his underclassman felt good to me, and I was fond of how he would dote on me as his kohai. Plus, that dynamic made me feel better about cozying up to him. It was like the same kind of kindness younger sisters got, but with the flirtiness of a couple. What’s better than that?
Simply put, I didn’t have much confidence in who I was outside of his underclassman. I didn’t have the confidence that I could be on even footing with him. Despite being someone who wanted to be fawned on by everyone, I strangely tried to write myself off as an insignificant existence. It wasn’t any different than how I felt inferior to Suzurin. Was now really the time, though? Next month, I’d be going to a school that didn’t have him in it anymore.
“Onee-chan! How long are you gonna sleep for?! The graduation ceremony’s today, right?!”
My wonderful little sister alarm rang, and I poked my head out of the covers. The student council was central to the graduation ceremony. I’d already experienced it last year, but Yumechi and Ranran wouldn’t know what to do at all. I needed to get going. After all, I was their senpai.
The graduation ceremony ended without any problems. The graduates left and the student council helped put away all the folding chairs. Outside, I couldn’t exactly tell if they were cheering or crying, but those kinds of emotions were making their way to us.
I didn’t cry. The only upperclassman I knew besides Senpai was the one who had previously been in charge of general affairs. But the two of us were mutuals on social media, so it didn’t really feel like we were saying goodbye. In the first place, I wasn’t the type of person who cried during graduation ceremonies.
I wanted people to cry for me when I graduated, but I never really felt moved to tears when I saw my upperclassmen graduate. I was the heartless type. Or maybe I was just in denial. I didn’t want to accept the fact that Senpai wouldn’t be my upperclassman anymore, that he wouldn’t be in the same school as I was anymore.
“Aisa?” Suzurin called out to me as I carried a folded chair. “We’re good here. Why don’t you step out for a bit?”
“Mm...”
I could tell that she’d suggested this for my sake, but I reflexively clammed up. Then I spouted a very pathetic excuse. “I’m good. I’m just gonna wreck the mood out there. I’m not exactly popular.”
Suzurin furrowed her brow in doubt. “Self-awareness? From you? That’s surprising, considering how inconsiderate you usually are.”
“Senpai’s already got the best girl, so there’s no need to concern myself with the others. Besides, we already made plans to meet up later. It’s all good.”
After all, today’s March 14th—White Day. Senpai had already messaged me, saying that he wanted to give me my gift, so even if we didn’t meet up at school, we’d just...
“Other underclassmen might be asking him out, you know?” Suddenly a chill ran down my spine, hearing Suzurin’s words. “After all, it’s their last chance. Is that okay with y—”
“Thanks for taking care of the rest! Bye!” I shoved the chair I was holding into Suzurin’s hands and then ran out of the gymnasium at full speed.
I knew that my anxiety was pointless. Senpai didn’t care that I wasn’t gonna be his underclassman anymore, and he didn’t care if any of his other underclassmen asked him out. There was no way that any of those inexperienced underclassmen could work as hard as I did to make him fall for them. Even so, I wanted to be his number one underclassman. I wanted it to be like that down to the last minute—to the last second. After all, he was my number one senpai!
“Senpai...?” I’d run to the school gates to find him, but it was different from what I’d imagined. He wasn’t surrounded by a huge swarm of girls. It was just him, leaning against the gate’s pillar fiddling with his diploma.
And then, upon seeing my face, he called out to me as if everything was perfectly normal. “Hm? Oh, that was fast.”
I couldn’t stop staring at how there was nobody but him at the front gate. “U-Um, Senpai? Where are the people seeing you off?”
“There aren’t really any. I quit basketball in my first year, and all the people I met through student council...well, I guess I saw some of them. But we said our goodbyes pretty quickly.”
“Huh? Why?”
“’Cause I’ve got a prior appointment.” He grinned at me teasingly. “Didn’t you chew my ear off last month about how I shouldn’t make my cute girlfriend wait?”
I...was just joking. I’m sure he’s joking too, but...he probably is prioritizing me here. “Senpai...”
“Hm?”
I was so easy to sway that what he did was enough to make me forget all about my anxiety. “You’re really not popular, huh?”
Am I pulling off the femme fatale act? None of my relief’s showing on my face, right? That was the only thing I was worried about now.
“Hey, I’m the former student council president. Don’t go thinkin’ that it doesn’t mean squat. I’ve been invited to all kinds of class reunions,” he said jokingly as he moved closer to me. Then he thrust his hand into his pocket. “Bend over a bit, will you?”
“Huh? Senpai, what are you—” Just as I bent over a little, Senpai wrapped his hands around the back of my neck. Then there was a light sensation that spread around my neck and before I knew it, there was a thin necklace hanging off of it.
“Happy— Oh, wait. I hear people say ‘Happy Valentine’s,’ but do people say ‘Happy White Day’?”
I stared at the necklace around my neck. Th-This...
“S-Senpai, is this—”
“Yeah, it’s a substitute for a collar. After all, I can’t hold you by the hand at school anymore. Plus...” Then, Senpai looked away, as if he were embarrassed. “It’s the perfect pest repellent, you know? Makes sure nobody’ll come onto you.”
Oh... Oh my gawd! “Senpai!”
“Huh? Mmf!”
I pulled Senpai down by his shoulders and pressed my lips to his own. In order to really make the impression of my lips stay, I kept them pressed against his for about ten seconds before peering into his eyes.
“Congratulations on graduating, Senpai!”
“Thanks...” he said curtly, using the back of his hand to cover his mouth.
Seeing this, I couldn’t help but giggle. I’m the only one who knows his cute side. Deep inside, I could feel that instead of wanting to be doted on by him, I wanted to dote on him instead.
“By the way, did you know that wearing necklaces at school is against the rules?” I asked.
“Just don’t get caught.”
“Uh, Mr. Former Student Council President? You’re setting a bad example.”
Senpai’s my number one upperclassman, and I’m his number one underclassman.
You Said I Could Do Anything
Akatsuki Minami
Fun fact: if you spend ten or more years being someone’s childhood friend, then you will run out of gift ideas for White Day.
At first, it was kinda cute. I’d give him a ten-yen chocolate on Valentine’s Day and then get a thirty-yen candy in return on White Day. Apparently, guys take the White Day convention seriously, meaning they have to give a gift valued three times as much as the one they received on Valentine’s Day.
The first time I gave him homemade chocolate was probably in our first year of middle school. A month later, he gave me a can of expensive-looking cookies. Apparently, he’d had his parents buy it. We ate them together while playing games.
I didn’t mind giving him chocolates every year for Valentine’s Day, but it seemed like he had a hard time figuring out what to give me each year, since White Day didn’t have any restrictions on gifts. I would’ve been happy with cookies or candies every year, but apparently, his pride wouldn’t allow him to do the same thing every time.
Going the personalized route for gifts was nice sometimes. The last White Day gift I got from him was from our second year of middle school. They were cookies in the shape of letters, and if you arranged them right, they spelled out a message. That gift idea was so chic that he’d never come up with it these days; middle schoolers were much more sentimental about this stuff. I tried for two hours to decipher the message before finally coming up with “HUNT OKAY.” Huh? What does that mean? It’s okay to hunt? Could this possibly mean...he’s gonna hunt me?! Keep in mind, I was in middle school, meaning I had the brain of a middle schooler—sentimental, ignorant, and single-minded—and this was the cringiest period of my life.
I squealed in delight as I gave in to the fantasy I’d concocted. But here’s the thing: the real message was “THANK YOU.” Despite thinking for over two hours, I couldn’t come up with the simplest answer. It was kind of on-brand for me, but also, I must not have wanted that to be the answer. I wanted Ko-kun to have feelings for me other than friendship.
Two years later, there wasn’t any chance of that delusion of mine becoming a reality anymore. Or rather, at one point, it had become true, but now we were back to regular ol’ childhood friends with yet another White Day in front of us.
I didn’t bother saying anything when I came home. I’d spent the day saying goodbye to the upperclassmen in the clubs that I helped out from time to time. I’d been invited to celebrations and parties, but since I had just been a stand-in for their club activities, it felt wrong for me to join in their festivities. Instead, I’d shot them down, saying I had other plans, and come home.
Of course, I used the excuse that I had plans because it was White Day. By saying this, I welcomed them clamoring over me, trying to figure out if my plans involved a guy, but I had just cryptically giggled and dodged their questions.
Technically, I hadn’t lied to them. I just hadn’t made any kind of verbal promises with him.
I sighed as I turned on the heat, took off my coat, and crashed onto the couch, rolling around. For all the friends I have, I always seem to end up alone during the important times. Am I the type that needs to be around other people? I know that at my core, I honestly lean towards being more of an introvert, but still...
“I miss Yume-chan...”
I considered messaging her, but she was probably still busy with the graduation ceremony stuff. I briefly weighed my other options—Maki-chan and Nasuka-chan—but decided against hitting them up since they probably weren’t available anyway. Either way, I should go get changed.
Even though I hadn’t been involved in the ceremony, I’d gone to school, so I’d had to put on my uniform. I sat up, undid my ribbon, took off my jacket, and threw off my blouse. Then I stood up, undid the fastener on my skirt and unzipped it, dropping it to the floor.
It was perfect timing because the heating was finally kicking in, so even as I stood there in my thin camisole and underwear, I wasn’t cold. I should put my uniform into the washer before I put on clothes. I hooked my skirt around my toe and kicked it up to me. But right as I did...
“’Sup. You just get back?”
“Ah.”
Kawanami peeked in from the entrance, and right as he did, I lost control of my kick and the skirt went flying and ended up around his neck as if I’d done a ring toss.
“Ah.” He looked like a frilled lizard. As he stood there, staring at me wearing nothing but my underwear, with my leg extended upwards from the kick, he opened his mouth. “My bad. Shit timing.”
“Don’t you mean ‘lucky timing’?” You should be a little happier being able to see a girl half naked.
Part of my pride pressured me to stay in nothing but my underwear until Kawanami went red in the face, but also, it was cold, so I decided against being stubborn and went to my room to change. I put on a baggy shirt, which was essentially a dress for someone as short as I was. Then, since my legs were cold, I put on knee-highs, making a perfect gap between my shirt and socks—leaving a glimpse of my thighs between them. It was the kind of defenseless outfit one would wear when they’re prepared to flash their panties. Have fun fantasizing about the panties that your eyes were so fixed on before. Like this, you’ll agonize over being so close yet so far from being able to see the shadowy space in between my legs.
“You can come in now,” I called out.
Kawanami cautiously opened the door and peeked through the gap. “Why are we hanging out in your room, today of all days? We always hang out in the living room.”
“My parents might come home today. It’d be awkward if they saw, right, Ko-kun?”
A sour expression crossed his face before he stomped into my room, shutting the door behind him. Our families were close, sure, but not enough that he’d feel comfortable giving me my White Day gift in front of them. We still hadn’t even told them that we’d ever dated.
Kawanami walked over to me as I sat on my bed and handed over a wrapped, rectangular box. “Here. For White Day.”
“Nice. What’s inside?” I asked as I accepted it.
“Macarons,” he said shortly.
“Oh, not bad. I like macarons.”
“Read the card.”
What card? I examined the box closer and realized that there was a small card underneath the golden ribbon tied into a cross-pattern. I took it out, flipped it over, and read it. It was a handmade coupon.
This ticket gives you the right to do anything just for today.
“That’s what you get this year for White Day,” he said, for some reason very haughtily, folding his arms. “You’ve been very considerate of my condition, so just for today, I’ll do you a favor and suppress all that for you. Go on—have your way with me! Do your worst!” he declared like a commander naming himself in his final moments.
I looked up at my childhood friend and half smiled. “I never thought I’d see the day that a guy would pull the ol’ ‘your present is me’ cliché.”
“I’m tryin’ to be manly here, sayin’ I’m willing to endure torture for you! Don’t girlify my resolution!”
Just what does he think I’m going to do to him? I stared at the card and started thinking a bit before standing up. “Okay, then. I guess I’ll take you up on your offer.”
“Bring it on.” Kawanami opened his arms up as if he was submitting himself to me.
I began closely inspecting the guy in front of me. He was about thirty centimeters taller than I and was wearing a thick, old winter cardigan and some faded jeans. It was hard to tell because of the clothes he had on, but I knew that he worked out daily. I knew that he’d been working on becoming more toned. Hm... But did he really mean what he said?
“What’s up?” he asked.
I stayed silent. How far is he gonna allow me to go? When he says that he’s willing to endure torture, he means that he’s willing to have his allergy flare up just for today...right? Oh no. My heart’s beating so hard I might die. All this time I’d tried to be careful, but now that he was giving me the green light, I felt so nervous and hesitant that I was starting to blank.
Is...it really okay? You do know that I’m gonna do dirty things to you, right? Well, I mean, it goes without saying that it’ll just be me teasing you. There is a limit to how far I should go. But if you’re going to say that I can do anything, then something PG-13 should be okay, right?
I tried to stop my hands from shaking as I put the box of macarons down. I wasn’t sure where the line was. What were the rules at this establishment? How was I supposed to know when they weren’t written anywhere? By the time the scary men in black suits came to stop me, it’d be too late! My mind was going at a million miles per second as I silently reached out to him, as if in a hurry. Then I touched his pecs.
“Whoa! Don’t tickle me!”
I’d been too light with my touch and accidentally tickled him. Crap. I hesitated too much. I resolved to use my palm to touch him more firmly. His chest is hard. It’s completely different from a girl’s. It wasn’t exactly anything too new. I touched him all the time, but I wasn’t usually touching him with any perverted thoughts in my head. That really pushed me over the edge, making this feel so much dirtier.
Oh, I know. I just have to think about this as a physical examination. All I’m doing is continuing my usual exposure therapy while making sure that his body’s okay. I started from his chest, moved to his ribs, and then to his biceps. Yep! Totally not doing anything dirty! This is totally rated E for everyone! We might as well just be playing doctor, and as a doctor, you don’t look at your patients with ulterior motives. I tried convincing myself that I was such a professional, one who wasn’t flustered by anything. Well, as a doctor, I can’t properly examine him if I’m not looking at his skin directly.
I pulled up his shirt. He didn’t have a six-pack or anything, but his abs were relatively defined, his belly button was visible, and I could see the edge of his boxers sticking out from his jeans. He was also wearing a belt...
Before I realized it, my hands were on his belt, moving to undo it as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I gasped, immediately stopping myself. Holy crap that was close! I almost took off his pants! I said PG-13, goddammit! Not R! I had to stop myself. I couldn’t go any further. If he gave me control like this, it was only a matter of time until I reverted back to the crazy girl I used to be. This would become a gross story of lust that I’d never be able to tell Yume-chan or Aso-senpai. I couldn’t be in the driver’s seat. Oh, wait. But isn’t that the entire point? He said I can do anything, so...
“Hm?” Kawanami looked confused as I let his shirt down and stepped back. “That it? You pretty much just gave me a physical checkup.”
“Yeah...” I sat back down on my bed, lay down and then looked up at him. “It’s your turn now.”
Kawanami’s eyes widened as he looked down at me. If he says I can do anything, then this is fine. I’d lose control if I was given free rein, but if he was in control of the situation, things probably wouldn’t get too out of control. Even if they did...well, I’d be okay with that.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, grinning at Kawanami to egg him on as he froze in place. “What happened to your manly spirit?”
Kawanami twitched. I’d caught him hook, line, and sinker. “Physical checkup, right?”
“Yep. Every nook and cranny.”
To be honest, him going over every nook and cranny would be bad for me, but in the spirit of egging him on, I had to say that. It seemed to have paid off because he got onto the bed, kneeling on it and making it creak. The shape of my bed changed with the weight of a guy on it as he positioned himself over me. His lips were dry. Is it because of the air? Or...
“You sure?”
“Just do it already. You don’t have to keep asking me for permission.”
I tried acting like I wasn’t bothered at all, which helped Kawanami stretch his hand out to my waist, albeit hesitantly. Then he began touching me through my baggy shirt. Because of how thick it was, I doubted he could really feel anything.
“Scared?” I giggled, grinning mischievously at him. “Isn’t there somewhere you really wanna touch, Mr. Doctor?”
“Aren’t you a little too good at acting like a temptress?”
No clue what you’re talking about. “Want me to let you in on a little secret?”
“What?”
“I’m not wearing a bra.”
Kawanami froze for about five seconds. “Do you even need one?”
I can tell you’re trying to act tough, but it’s easy to see through your bravado when you freeze up for that long. “Why don’t you check? You might find that there’s more than you exp—”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Hey, don’t shoot me down like that.” There’s really more than you think! A lot more! “Touch ’em already and feel for yourself!”
“H-Hey!”
I grabbed Kawanami’s hand and forcefully put it over my left boob. His manly, rugged hand covered it entirely over my clothes.
“See? What do you think?” I could feel his fingers wriggling as if they were trying to find something.
“No clue... Not with your shirt in the way.”
Though I’d been the one to put his hand over my boob, I already began to realize that I’d messed up. I should’ve had him touch my right boob. I couldn’t believe my mistake. After all, my left one was right over my... Suddenly I felt my heart beat harder.
“You...really can’t tell?” Even faster.
“Y’know...it might be a little soft.”
My heart was pounding out of my chest. The huge amount of blood rushing through my body deprived my brain of the ability to think clearly. Kawanami’s lips were chapped. It must hurt. He could use some lip balm.
“But it could just be the softness of the clothes,” he said. “Hard to tell.”
His lips are dry. What’d I eat today? Shouldn’t have been anything too stinky... My breath’s probably okay...
“But also,” he continued, “caring so much about the size of boobs is kinda childish...”
Ko-kun’s lips are dry. I wet my own.
“But yeah, my arm’s starting to get kinda tire—”
“Eek!” I couldn’t help but scream as I felt him squeeze.
“S-Sorry!” Ko-kun freaked out and tried to shift his weight to his other hand, but my bed was small, meaning when he put his other hand down, there was nowhere for him to put it. He fell flat down, letting out a grunt as he fell on top of me. He frantically put his hand on the bed, but at this point, his face was so close to mine, I could feel his breath.
It was over for me.
“Hey—”
Sorry. I can’t hold back anymore. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pressed my lips against his dry ones.
He wriggled around, but I kept him in place with my hands, keeping my lips pressed against his. When it seemed like it was hard for him to breathe, I moved away for a second before going in for more again and again, the emotions pouring out from me. It’d been a while since we’d last kissed, and all that I could feel was the dryness of his lips, which kind of hurt. But still, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to stop. I solely focused on kissing him as if I were trying to steal him away from someone.
After who knows how many times and how many minutes, I finally regained my self-control and let him go, exhaling. His eyes were wide open, his mouth hanging half-open with disbelief.
His breathing was just as ragged as mine. A few beats later, I slowly put the back of my hand to my lips. “Sorry...” I used my hand to cover my face and looked away, trying to pretend nothing had happened. “Don’t look at me right now...” After all that time, the words that I was able to squeeze out weren’t an apology for what I’d forced him into. “If you see my face...you’ll probably barf.”
Right now, I was making the most girly face I’d made all year.
“Okay...” Kawanami said softly as he slowly got up. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw that he already wasn’t looking too great. “Sorry, I’m gonna go home.”
“Yeah...probably for the best.”
Kawanami left my room, leaving me curled up in my bed. Now alone, I stared at the ceiling, waiting for my body to cool down. I...really did it. How couldn’t I after he said all that? If anything, it’s a miracle that ended with me just kissing him. Him declaring that he wasn’t going to resist anything I did would usually end with me going all the way.
“Huh?” Then I tilted my head. “Didn’t he get sick a little too slowly?” Up until now, his allergy would act up, making him almost faint, but he’d been able to walk out of here as if nothing was wrong.
I fell silent. He’s better. He’s starting to recover.
That Which Was Obtained
Suzuri Kurenai
In middle school, I had helped manage our class’s contribution to the cultural festival. Considering my talents, it was only natural. Everyone in my class had wanted me to do it, and I had naturally accepted the position. But that was still when I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t perfect.
“Kurenai-san! I think we should do it like this, but what do you think?” a girl asked.
“Good idea. But it’s a little unbalanced, so it might increase the workload.”
“Oh...”
“Kurenai-san, the guys are fighting!” another girl called out to me.
“It’s a waste of time. Leave them be. Work on this instead.”
“Huh? O-Okay...”
Thanks to my leadership, our class’s contribution had gone over well. Now, though, I understood that the girl who came to me with a suggestion cared more about doing what she wanted to do than the overall balance. The other girl cared more about everyone getting along than work efficiency.
If we were working in a company, the way I worked might’ve been exemplary, but in a school setting, it wasn’t. After all, we were only working on the cultural festival.
Then, I heard them talking behind my back.
“Kurenai-san thinks that she’s never wrong.”
“It’s like she doesn’t think it’s worth listening to us.”
“Totally. It’s all about her.”
“Our cultural festival really felt lackluster, y’know...”
That was unlikely a mere snippet of my peers’ opinions of me. As proof, gradually, people began to stop interacting with me. I’d been so sure that I’d done the right thing. But nobody had been looking for the right thing. I’d been convinced that I had all the answers—that I was the most talented. That being said, it hadn’t shaken my pride. I hadn’t met anyone who could shake that belief of mine. Even so, I understood that I wasn’t perfect. I lacked the ability to give others recognition. I lacked the ability to deny who I was to praise someone else.
It was around then that I found someone—an absolute nobody who was doing busywork without anyone even noticing him.
“Haba-kun.” He was the last piece to make me whole. “There’s something that only you can do.”
I’d haughtily pushed this job onto him, but at a certain point, it wasn’t just that anymore. It wasn’t because he could do what I couldn’t.
“Joe, I like you. Please go out with me.”
To me, he shined brightly. He stuck beside me despite how I acted. Even though he gave everyone else recognition, he didn’t give himself any at all. That ticklish extent of love and respect with his almost annoying self-hate—every last bit of him shined in my eyes.
You aren’t more right than I. You aren’t more talented than I. But even so, you shine so much more brightly than I that I can’t see straight. Nobody else has noticed. That light objectively doesn’t exist, but you’re making me dizzy with your brightness. I have no doubt I’m seeing an illusion. But that’s what love is, isn’t it?
It wasn’t written in any of the reference materials I’d perused—and trust me, I’d read them thoroughly. But as a person who was more correct than anyone else, I had to believe that I was right this time too. This was my answer. This was the thing that only he could do.
After putting away the chairs and removing the green plastic sheets we’d put the chairs on, we’d restored the gymnasium back to what it looked like before the graduation ceremony. I sat on the edge of the stage and looked at the now empty space. I was only halfway through my term as student council president, and I still had the entrance ceremony to prepare for, but even so, seeing this had me feeling accomplished.
There were plenty of third-years who’d shed tears. Graduation ceremonies weren’t events where the personality of the organizer could be shown off. Even so, just that made me feel a little better than the cultural festival in middle school. Am I going to cry like they did when I’m in their position next year? Would the three years I spent here be powerful enough in my heart to evoke tears?
“What a sad dream...” I muttered, mocking myself.
I knew who I was better than anyone else. I was a pretty heartless person, unlike someone like Aisa, who would cry even though she declared she wouldn’t.
Right then, the door by the stage creaked open, and there was suddenly one more person in what had otherwise been a deserted gymnasium.
“Kurenai-san... Both Irido-san and Asuhain-san have gone home,” Joe reported in his usual low voice, which echoed loudly in this empty space.
“Okay,” I replied shortly, not moving from my seat on the stage.
Joe stopped roughly three meters away and looked up at me. “That’s a wrap on our activities for this school year.”
“Yep. Next up is the entrance ceremony in April,” I said.
Joe went quiet as if he was waiting for something. No, that wasn’t it. Though I wasn’t nearly as astute as Joe, I could somewhat read people as well. As someone who’d been by his side for so long, I could pick up on the minute changes to his facial expression. He was hesitating. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to take another step forward or not.
I could tell that it was a big decision for him. The choice he was facing wasn’t even whether to be courageous or not. The way he conducted himself was set in stone. He wouldn’t challenge things or try to do things. Even if he didn’t make decisions, his life was fulfilled.
If he wished for anything more than that—if there was even a chance that he wished for more—the mere fact that he was considering it and not sure what to do was enough of a result in my mind. My lips curled into a smile and I exhaled into the chilly gymnasium before starting the conversation.
“It’s just like the first time,” I said.
“Huh?”
I jumped down from the stage, my landing echoing pleasantly across the empty gymnasium. It really felt like the entire gymnasium belonged to just us.
“It’s like that time I called out to you when you were throwing out the trash. Back then, Aisa, Yume-kun, Ran-kun, President Hoshibe, and our other upperclassman in charge of general affairs weren’t around. It was just the two of us.”
I walked towards him, my hand on the edge of the stage as if I was tracing it.
“I felt like I’d found a missing piece of myself. Something more important than a right-hand man. Maybe a leg. With you, I felt like I could go anywhere.” I naturally pointed my self-mocking smile towards Joe. “That’s the extent of how I felt for you back then.” You think I overvalue you, but I think I undervalue you. “You taught me how to understand other people. You helped fix my haughtiness, and taught me how to make friends. But even more importantly, you annoyed me by your own low self-value, you touched me by how deeply caring you are, and you pissed me off by how stubborn you are.” I looked straight at him as I said this. “All of it was a first for me. Did you know that?”
I’m sure that you’ll say it’s all a coincidence. You’ll say that there’s someone more fitting out there I could’ve met first. But if that’s the logical argument you want to pull out, I’ll shoot it down with logic of my own. I met you first. Even if it’d been a coincidence, it was the undeniable truth. Even if, hypothetically, this wasn’t the best possible outcome, I could hold my head high knowing that I’d met him—the best possible person for me.
“So?” I took a step towards him. “I’ve made my case.” Then another step. “Do you finally believe me?” A third step.
Moving towards him instead of making him come to me was probably the best approach I could take right now. But the last three steps between us were ones that he had to take, otherwise there’d be no point.
“I...” Joe slightly opened his mouth. “I’ve never thought that I have any value. I never really had any reason to think so, I just...assumed it as a matter of fact. It’s been like that ever since I was little.” Joe hesitated. “But...it’s probably the same for everyone. There’s nobody who knows their value from the get-go. As a kid, people baby you and don’t let you see reality, but in time, you end up running into the real deal. I’m sure that you’ve gone through the same thing, Kurenai-san.”
The way Joe spoke sounded like he was sighing.
“From the start, I thought I was different,” he continued. “I thought that we all started life with different things...but what was actually different was what we obtained. Aso-san and Irido-san...Hoshibe-senpai and you—watching you all change made me realize that, whether I wanted to or not.” Then Joe continued. “I’m fine being in the background,” he decisively declared. “I’m not changing my answer. I have pride in who I am. I know better than anyone what’s great about being in the background. I’ve realized that it isn’t something I was born with, but something that I obtained.”
Joji Haba was the guy who had the least amount of presence in the Rakuro Student Council...no, in the entire school. That very same guy was being assertive and overwhelming in this empty gymnasium! He was asserting his existence.
“Kurenai-san...the two of us aren’t a good match.” Those words should’ve hurt, but they didn’t—quite the opposite, actually. My heart was beating harder and faster. “But...that doesn’t have any bearing on what I obtained and what I think.” I didn’t take my eyes off any action he took, even the smallest movements of his lips. “You have everything I don’t. You shine like the star of a play.” He took a step towards me. “I’m just a worthless stagehand, but you still found me in my place in the back of the stage.” Then another step. “That’s why if you ask me the exact timeline, I have only one answer...” A third step. “I’ve liked you from the very beginning.” He stood right in front of me and gently held my hand, placing a small bag of chocolate in my palm. “I’m sorry for pretending I didn’t all this time.”
Suddenly his voice was back to the pessimistic, mumbling tone that he usually spoke in.
I couldn’t help but giggle and look at him as he looked down. “You made these yourself?”
“Well...the only idea I had was answering you with the same thing you gave me...”
The assertive presence he’d had before was completely gone, as if it’d never existed. He was back to his usual timid self, which only made me giggle more.
“The same thing... So does that mean it’s okay if I interpret it with the same meaning that I gave you mine with?” I asked you to go out with me when I gave you mine. Now you’re giving me the same chocolates back.
Joe’s ears went pink and he mumbled out a response. “Well...you can interpret it that way...”
“Well then, there’s something we have to do, right?”
I put the hand holding his chocolate against his waist and leaned against him.
“Huh? Oh...”
“You’ve toyed with me long enough. Don’t you think it’s okay for me to be a little bit impatient?”
As I stared at him from a distance where he could feel my breath, Joe’s eyes darted around before he clenched them shut. “O-Okay, then...” he said, opening his eyes, his mind made up.
I naturally closed my eyes and felt my body being embraced in his arms. No more words were left between us. I could tell exactly what he wanted to say as he held me tightly in his arms, making me smile. I was talking about a kiss, not a hug, but...this works. This is the first time he’s hugged me. We stood there in the empty gymnasium for who knows how many seconds or minutes, in the comfort of each other’s arms.
Where Is the Goal Line for Love?
Yume Irido
After coming back home, I changed out of my uniform and slipped out of the house before our parents could see. If they saw my date outfit, which I’d spent a lot of time putting together, I had no doubt they’d try to pry, and I was already running late. Sure, I could have worn a coat over my clothes, but it was a date, and I wanted to be able to go on one with the outfit I’d worked hard on in full view.
Today, I was going on a date with Mizuto as his White Day gift to me. Well, there was that, but it was also to celebrate getting past the hellish period of finals, the graduation ceremony, and all the student council work I’d been busy with. Having Mizuto plan all of this for me really helped it sink in that we were dating. I was so touched by the effort.
Normally when we went on dates, we avoided the usual places we frequented, not only to avoid our parents but also anyone we knew from school. Worst-case scenario, we’d have to try and pretend as if we were nothing more than a pair of very close stepsiblings, but it’d be best if we could avoid that situation entirely.
I took the train from Karasuma Oike and got off three stations later. It was just a few minutes on the train so it kinda felt like a waste, but Mizuto had offered to pay for everything. As the person being celebrated today, it was only right that I didn’t try to act reserved and let myself be treated.
Hang on, this is all money he’s earned by working as Higashira-san’s tutor, right? It’s a small price for him to pay for cheating on me with her. Not that he actually is. While riding the train, I sent Mizuto a message.
Yume: Be there soon.
I got a response right about when I got off the train.
Mizuto: I’m killing time at Book Off.
Our conversation didn’t sound like that of a couple meeting up for a date, but it was very characteristic of Mizuto—my boyfriend.
I passed through the station’s turnstiles and took the escalator up to the Book Off. There were actually three floors to this particular store, but I had a good idea of where I’d find Mizuto. When I got off the escalator on the third floor, I walked to the paperback section and saw the back of someone familiar.
As I got closer, I called out to him in a soft voice. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Mm.” Mizuto glanced at me and then returned the book he was holding to the shelf.
“You’re done?”
“Someone wrote in it.”
“Oh...” This kind of thing happens every now and then. “What’d they write?”
“You’re better off not knowing.”
“Why?”
“Dirty jokes at an elementary school level.”
“Oh...” I get it. I remember similar things in the school library’s dictionaries...
“Anyway, let’s get going.”
A bookstore wasn’t a place that we should stand around and talk in, so we left. After getting outside, we crossed the street and went towards Sanjo Ohashi to cross the Kamo River. We walked over the bridge with wooden railings that had onion-shaped knobs on them in even intervals and then headed towards the shopping district.
During this, Mizuto suddenly made a comment out of the blue. “Y’know, I’ve thought this since I was in middle school, but I struggle to have fun out on the town.”
“Yeah, I more or less knew that...” I said, wryly smiling.
Who knows how many times it’s been brought up, but in the first place, our old dates never really followed any particular pattern. I got the feeling that Mizuto especially had no interest in even leaving the house. Essentially, I had no clue what a guy like that had planned for us in the shopping district. Seriously, does he know how to have fun? I bet he’d prefer to just stay home and read. Of course, he’d never say this to his girlfriend’s face, but after living with him as his stepsister for almost a year, I pretty much knew this as a fact.
“I thought you had a pretty good time at the aquarium, though...” I said.
“I was just impressed by how great that aquarium was.” I won’t press any further. If he has something to do, like looking at fish, it makes sense that it’d be easier for him to enjoy himself. “Anyway, as the person who invited you out today, I thought up a lot of different things, but...”
“Yeah?”
“I gave up. I have no clue what to do,” Mizuto conceded.
Here’s a guy who gives up on making date plans, and wouldn’t you believe it? He’s my boyfriend. “So...you don’t have any plans for today’s date?”
“I’d prefer if you call it being super flexible.”
I found myself giggling, a proud grin on my face, which only served to confuse Mizuto.
“Well, there it is. Plain as day how differently we each spent last year,” I boasted.
“For reference...why don’t you tell me what exactly you’re feeling superior about?”
“Well, for one, I’m in a position to help my poor fun-illiterate boyfriend who only knows how to hang out at bookstores and libraries.”
Mizuto seemingly decided to give up and accept my superiority to him in this regard. “I’ll leave it to you...”
“Mizuto,” I said, putting all the confidence I’d gained over the past year into my smile. “Have fun vicariously by watching me have fun!”
Seemingly even more resigned than before, a gentle smile filled his face.
As we walked around, we went into the stores lining the street one after another.
“What do you think of these clothes? Cute, right?” I asked.
“Well, they probably are if you think so.”
“Wrong answer! I’m asking about what you think! Can’t you read between the lines? I’m saying I want to buy clothes that fit your tastes! I can buy the kind of clothes I like on my own time!”
“Reading between the lines? When’d this become a test?” Then he picked out something and put it against my shoulders. “But I guess this might be nice.”
“Really? Have your tastes changed?”
He used to really like the really girly styles with innocent and pure looks to them. But what he’d picked out was a shirt, which wasn’t very flashy but had a loose collar. It was the kind of thing that Akatsuki-san would recommend I wear.
“Well, you’ve gotten taller, so it’s hard to recommend the same kinds of clothes as before.”
My eyes narrowed at his comments and I stared at him.
“Wh-What?” he stammered uncomfortably.
“Let me let you in on a little secret. When a guy’s preferences change, people might think that it was influenced by another girl—or at least, I do.” Mizuto awkwardly looked away. “I knew it. This has Higashira-san written all over it.”
“Wait, no. I can explain myself.”
“Go ahead.”
“So you know how I help her gather reference materials, right? It means I’ve gotten more opportunities to look into fashion, especially for girls. And so...I also get to thinking about what kind of clothes’ll look good on you.”
“Uh-huh...” I drank in the expression on Mizuto’s face. It wasn’t every day I got to see him on the back foot. “I’ll forgive you,” I said, smiling. “This just means that you’ve been thinking about me a lot, right?”
“Yeah, exactly...” he said, sighing after getting out of trouble.
But my smile widened even further. “Just keep in mind that any reference to another girl while on a date with your girlfriend is forbidden. Don’t forget that, okay?”
“You’re the one who brought her up. What am I supposed to do?”
“Your best!” I answered.
“That’s really not fair...”
I giggled after successfully teasing him and bought the shirt he’d picked out. Mizuto had said he’d pay for everything today, but I felt like having him pay for this was kind of a waste of White Day.
“Next up is finding pants to match this,” I said.
“I think anything’ll go with it.”
“You’re not wrong, but it’d be nice to buy something specifically to match it.” Then I tilted my head slightly. “Don’t you want to see your girlfriend in clothes you picked out for her?”
“You’ve gotten quite shrewd, you know that?”
“I’d prefer if you call me sophisticated.”
I enjoyed the glimpse of possessiveness that my boyfriend let show while we continued walking around the shopping district.
We might’ve been a couple who lived together, but our reason for living together was different from normal couples’. After all, we were living together because we shared the same parents. Obviously, that put a restriction on the lovey-dovey stuff we could do at home. But it wasn’t like we could be all over each other in public either. This begged the question—where exactly could we act like a couple? We’d come up with this answer already during the past two and a half months—a two-person room in an internet café.
“I feel conflicted...” I complained as Mizuto came back into the room.
“The idea to meet up here came from your experience with Higashira-san, right? I’m embarrassed by how I’m constantly jumping to see traces of Higashira-san’s influence.”
Mizuto’s expression changed into a halfway point between a wry smile and an affectionate one. “Well, I guess all I can really do is listen to your complaints,” he said as he sat next to me. “But in terms of burden on the wallet and fitting our requirements, there isn’t a better place than this, right?”
“Yeah, I know, but still...” I pouted.
Seeing my reaction, Mizuto lightly bumped his shoulder against mine. “I’ve only been to a manga café once with Isana. But this is the third time we’ve come to an internet café. You’ve won.”
I leaned on his shoulder, pushing back on him, and he put his arm around me, supporting me. Then I remembered how he’d said that he’d do everything that he did with Higashira-san with me. It was such a childish promise, but he was faithfully keeping it.
As a result, I couldn’t help but remember that a certain accident had happened between the two of them when they’d been in a two-person room like this. Higashira-san had told me all about it.
I fell silent and began shooting side glances at Mizuto. He was in the middle of booting up the computer, placing his hand on the mouse. It didn’t seem that he was thinking about the same thing at all.
“Wanna watch something?” he asked.
I reflexively moved away from him. His arm that he’d wrapped around me had come close to touching my chest.
“Mm... Yeah, put whatever on.”
Then, we continued spending time in that small room, and I was the only one thinking of what’d happened between him and Higashira-san. The things we did here were really trivial. We’d watch videos on the computer, read books that we’d brought, and of course read manga. We were spending time together much more freely and in closer proximity than we had in middle school.
We weren’t always talking to each other in these rooms. Because the two of us lived together as stepsiblings, we didn’t fear silence. The purpose of us being here was to pass the time, being ourselves without having to worry about other people watching.
That’s exactly why we could do things that couples could only do behind closed doors. Of course, I wasn’t talking about dirty things. That’d be against the rules of the café. Besides, the soundproofing wasn’t exactly great, meaning if you weren’t whispering, other people might be able to hear you. But being this close to each other in a small room like this, an accident or two was bound to happen...right?
I continued shooting glances at Mizuto while slowly putting my hand over his. As I did, he shot me back a glance and then slowly squeezed my hand. This much is okay. I moved myself closer to him, pressing our shoulders even closer together. Then, I leaned into him, putting more of my weight onto him.
It’s okay... This much is okay. Then, I slowly let go of his hand and instead hesitantly wrapped it around his waist, asking him if I could without actually using words. Surprisingly, it felt like I was begging him.
Neither of us opened our mouths. The room was completely silent. We used the mood to sense our intentions. Eventually, he hesitantly put his arm around my waist. Then he placed his hand on my ribs and lightly pulled me closer in a hug. It’s okay... This is still completely okay. If I lost my balance, Mizuto’s hand would slip and...he might touch my boobs. But that’d just be an accident. Accidents are okay... It’s okay... Mizuto’s hand slowly but surely began to slip farther and farther until eventually, his hands began tracing my rib cage and found themselves directly underneath my boobs.
“Oh.” Suddenly, Mizuto made a sound, making me jump a little.
“Wh-What’s wrong.”
“Time’s almost up. What do you wanna do?” he asked.
Feeling his gaze on me made me flustered. You’re asking me what I wanna do? Will you extend our time here if I ask for it? What will you do if we have more time?
I shook my head. “We should probably leave. Our parents are probably home by now anyway.”
“Yeah...”
Then, Mizuto took his arm off of me and began cleaning up. I quietly sighed. Even if we stayed longer, there’s a limit to what we’re allowed to do here. But there is a place we could go where we could... I lightly shook my head, trying to disperse the thoughts that were lighting my brain on fire. How am I always thinking about these things?! When did I turn into such a perv?! Of course, some day we’d...do it. It didn’t have to be here...or now. But when and where? No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with an answer.
When we went on dates, we had a rule that we’d be back in time for dinner. Even though it was already March, the days were still short, and the sky had already grown dark. I was sure that we’d miss these days when the shoe was on the other foot and it was still bright when we were coming home from school in the summer.
When we were home, we could still be together, but we couldn’t do anything like normal couples. As stepsiblings, we couldn’t hold hands, kiss, or even lean against one another. This grated on my mind day after day. It made me realize that there was no limit to human desire. The more I got used to the happiness, the more I desired.
How far did we need to go before I’d feel satisfied? Without a clear goal line, I was left in despair. No matter how happy I was, the happiness I’d gained became a given, and I ended up wanting more. If that’s how romance was, then I couldn’t help but wonder how deep the rabbit hole went. Would I continue like this until I died, continuously yearning for something more?
“You really chose something simple,” Mizuto said, looking down at the bag he was carrying. “It’s White Day. You could’ve been a little greedier with what you asked for. It’s tradition for the guy to give back a gift three times as great as the girl’s, but you still opted for cookies.”
“I’m happy with my decision. I can eat them out in the open at home.”
As long as Mizuto’s by my side, I don’t need anything else. Or at least, I wished I was someone whose desires weren’t so bottomless, that I would be fulfilled by just that. Neon lights flashed in the shopping district as we slowly walked through it. Up until now, I’d never carefully looked for a certain kind of place, but if I did, I was sure I could find one or two of them. There was a certain adult place where we could indulge in certain activities in private—a place where we didn’t have to be stepsiblings. The only thing was, going in there as high schoolers wasn’t exactly allowed. The fact that I was on the student council would make it even worse if we were caught. There’s already one member on the student council doing these kinds of things, though... Thinking about it like that, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal as I was making it out to be.
As I walked next to Mizuto, internally I whispered to him. Mizuto...do you want to do...it with me? The reason that I didn’t say this out loud was most likely because I was a coward. I wasn’t decisive, so I left all the decisions to Mizuto and took it easy despite already knowing my answer if he asked me.
“Yume...” Suddenly, Mizuto called out to me in a low voice making my heart skip a beat. “Thanks for today. I had fun.”
I smiled. Oh, that’s it? Phew. “Do you get how to have fun as a high schooler a bit better now?”
“Not sure. If I’d been by myself or with Kawanami or Isana, I’m sure there’d be a different vibe.” Mizuto looked up at the darkening sky. “You know how I am. I’ll probably never change, but if you keep changing, you’ll make it so that I’m never left behind...or at least that’s the feeling I get.”
“Left behind by who? The world?”
“Yeah, I guess you could put it that way, if you want to make me sound cooler than I actually intended.”
Thanks to me, he’d changed from a boy crying while reading The Siberian Dancer—a book nobody knew—in a dim study, to one who was out in the world.
I gripped his hand tightly. “Then you need to make sure you hold on tight so you’re not left behind.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.”
I take back everything I said. As long as Mizuto’s by my side, I don’t need anything else. At the very least, I felt like I’d be able to keep thinking that for a little bit. Or at least, that’s what I thought until a certain incident transpired when we got home.
“Huh?”
“What?”
My face and Mizuto’s went blank as mom and Mineaki-ojisan smiled brightly at us.
“Well, you know our anniversary’s coming up,” mom said.
“We’re thinking of using spring break to go on a trip as newlyweds,” Mineaki-ojisan said.
“So we’ll need the two of you to watch the house while we’re gone for three days.”
“It’ll just be the two of you, but we’re counting on you.”
The reason that Mizuto and I were both frozen was due to the amount of trust that filled our parents’ eyes as they dropped this news on us.
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