The Only You in the World
Isana Higashira
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been perceived as a strange girl. I received strange looks in kindergarten when I drew the logo of the movers rather than a portrait of my mother. I was labeled as strange by my peers in elementary school when they learned that I’d used a full sheet of paper to write: “Upon much self reflection, there is no particular profession I’d like to join at this point in time” as a response to our essay prompt regarding what we wished to be as an adult. Regardless of the assignment, everyone seemed to be able to match one another either through direct observation or intuition. Was that what we were supposed to do?
In kindergarten, we’d been instructed to draw what we liked. In elementary school, we’d been told to give an honest answer as to what our ideal profession would be. We’d never been instructed to write answers to match everyone else’s. How did the others know to do that without those explicit words? It remains as confusing as it was back then.
I still remember the words my mother told me. “You’re weird? Good for you! Listen, Isana, you’re the only you in the world. Of course you’re not like other people.”
“Then why do the others call me strange?” I’d inquired.
“That’s ’cuz they’re all scared of layin’ themselves bare. Duh.”
My mother was a fearless woman. She didn’t understand. I was just as afraid as the rest. Exposing your true self, leaving nothing to the imagination, was tantamount to leaving yourself vulnerable—open to people tearing you down piece by piece. I was no exception to being frightened of that possibility. My problem was that I was incapable of hiding my true self, of protecting myself.
Yes, I was simply incapable of all this.
Yume Irido
“Hey, you!”
“Hey! Wow, you’re so tan!”
“You finish your homework?”
“Just barely. I thought I was gonna die!”
The classroom somehow felt new after summer break. While my classmates chatted among themselves, I looked around the classroom that felt simultaneously familiar and new. I’d been in contact with friends through LINE, but seeing them in person was completely different.
“Hey, Irido-san!”
“Hi, Irido-chan!”
“You two are acting as if we haven’t seen each other in a while, but didn’t we just hang out a week or so ago?” I asked Maki-san and Nasuka-san.
I put my bag on my chair as I talked with my usual group of friends. They were just as I remembered them. Maki Sakamizu, who was in the basketball club, was still tall with short hair, and Nasuka Kanai, who was in the karuta club, still had the same bob cut and sleepy look on her face.
I moved my bag, which wasn’t too heavy since all we had today was the commencement ceremony, to my desk. Maki-san proceeded to nab the seat in front of me while Nasuka-san gently took the one to my side. Then, I saw a familiar ponytail pop up.
“Heya, Yume-chan! I missed you so much!” Akatsuki-san practically jumped on me.
“What do you mean? You just saw me yesterday.”
“Yeah, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen you in your school uniform.”
“Am I a different person in my uniform?”
“What, like an alt character in a game?” Maki-san asked, heartily laughing.
For the time being, I peeled Akatsuki-san off of me. It was September, but it was still as hot as it had been over the summer. Her body heat really wasn’t helping.
“Can’t believe summer break’s over,” Maki-san said, wistful, as she surveyed the classroom. “Not sure how to explain it, but this summer wasn’t very summery. Like, where was the thrill? I mean, I had a training camp and a basketball tournament, but no one’s changed all that much.”
“Yeah, I pretty much spent all day lazing around home,” Akatsuki-san agreed. “I helped the athletics clubs out a few times, but, god, homework was such a struggle.”
“Exactly! There wasn’t any time to do teenager stuff!”
Akatsuki-san had completely skipped over the fact that she’d gone to the pool with Kawanami-kun. Scary how she could so brazenly lie without even batting an eye.
“What about you, Nasucchi? Anything happen over summer break?” Maki-san asked, turning to Nasuka-san.
The expression on her face as Maki-san fished for information kind of reminded me of Higashira-san’s.
“Me? I only really had the karuta tournament that my club participated in.”
“Oh, what? So, same as us.”
“I guess the only other thing would be that I got a boyfriend.”
“A...what?” Maki-san froze.
“Huh?!” Akatsuki-san and I practically screamed.
Meanwhile, Nasuka-san looked puzzled by our reactions.
“Wh-What? A b-boy... Sorry, what did you say?”
“Oh, that I participated in a karuta tournament.”
“Not that part!” Maki-san exclaimed.
“Don’t act so cliché! Obviously, we want to know about the boyfriend part!” Akatsuki-san cried.
Nasuka-san calmly tilted her head in confusion. “You mean when I said I got a boyfriend?”
“Yeah!”
“Did you really get one?!”
“I did.” Nasuka-san nodded.
We all stared at her in wonder. Never had we thought that Nasuka-san, who was low energy, incredibly troublesome, and uninterested in romance—as well as being the female version of Hotaro Oreki from Hyouka—would get a boyfriend.
“Who is he?!” Maki-san was the first to snap out of the daze. “Who are you dating?! Is it someone in our class?!”
“No, he’s an upperclassman in our club.”
“Did he ask you out?!”
“No, I asked him.”
“What?!” the three of us practically screamed.
She confessed to him?! She’s in love?! Behind that sleepy face of hers lay that of a maiden in love?!
Nasuka-san seemed completely unfazed as she continued. “So, basically, I said, ‘I can tell you have a thing for me, so why don’t we stop beating around the bush and go out?’”
“Does that count as a confession?” Maki-san asked.
“It’s definitely not what I expected,” Akatsuki-san said.
“But it is really on-brand for her,” I added.
“Can you blame me, though? It’s just a waste of time, stretching things out.”
Ugh. Her words cut me like a sharp blade. Everyone has their own circumstances, you know...
“This is the first time I’ve heard you having romantic feelings for anyone, Nasucchi.”
“Do you think I’m incapable of love or something?”
“Well, it’s more like I have this image of you turning people down because you think a relationship would be too much work.”
“Totally get that!” Akatsuki-san agreed.
“Well, he’s different.”
“Oh?” My ears perked up at these words.
“He buys me ice cream on the way home.”
“That’s it?!”
Any excitement I’d felt completely disappeared. What a cheap way to win someone’s heart. I’d always considered Higashira-san a weirdo, but Nasuka-san was really out there herself. Still, the romantic sense of her circumstances weren’t completely lost on me. Unbeknownst to me, she’d been going home with him every day and being treated to ice cream while he fumbled over his words to try and make her even a little bit interested in him. Then finally, she looked his way. Talk about heart-throbbing!
But Nasuka-san seemed done talking about herself and turned her attention to me. “Speaking of romantic developments, though, shouldn’t we be talking about your brother?”
“Oh, right! I’ve heard the rumors,” Maki-san agreed.
My heart stopped. I glanced over at him. Since we’d had a seat change before summer break, we weren’t sitting near each other anymore. Now he was in the middle of the row closest to the door, with plenty of classmates swarming him with questions and Kawanami-kun doing his best to protect him.
“That rumor’s spread like wildfire. Is it true that he’s going steady with a girl from class three?” Nasuka-san asked.
“Well...” I averted my eyes. I had no clue what the best course of action here was, so I looked to Akatsuki-san for help.
“Might as well be honest,” she said with a chuckle.
“Oh? You know the deets, Akki?” Maki-san asked.
“Yep. We’ve hung out a few times. Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about her before—y’know, Higashira-san?”
“Higashira... Oh, riiight. That girl,” Nasuka-san said.
Thinking back, Nasuka-san had even seen the two of them walking home together once around the beginning of their friendship. Given that, I was surprised by how little she was reacting, but I guess Maki-san made up for that.
“He’s like the poster child for ‘no interest in romance,’ though! Apparently, that’s kinda what made him popular after the midway point of last semester until now. So the fact that he has a girlfriend is huge!”
“There were already whispers of their relationship during the study camp. People kept wondering what the deal was with him and the girl who was with him all the time.”
“Yeah, but they weren’t really making headlines back then. It was nothing compared to the rumors surrounding him and Irido-san.”
I averted my eyes again. I’d gotten my just deserts for that rumor. I’d never had the chance to set the record straight.
“But everything’s different now that they’ve been spotted on a date. That girl...Higashira-san? Apparently, she’s got a completely different vibe in school. I hear she’s super cute!” Maki-san said.
Akatsuki-san sarcastically laughed. We were the ones who’d taught her how to have said vibe.
“So?” Nasuka-san continued. “Are they dating?”
“Well...” Akatsuki-san was right. Being honest was best. Lying could just make things worse. “I don’t think they’re dating...”
“Huh? So it’s not true?”
“That’s just how rumors go,” Nasuka-san stated plainly.
“Wait, so does that mean the rumor of her having huge boobs—bigger than a gravure idol’s—isn’t—”
“It’s true,” both Akatsuki-san and I said flatly.
“Whew. Seriously? This I gotta see.”
“We could introduce you. I bet she’d get along well with Nasuka-chan, don’tcha think, Yume-chan?”
“True... They’ve got similar vibes.”
“What about me?” Maki-san asked.
“We might have you hang back. Y’know, on the account of the whole ‘delinquent’ thing.”
“Who’re you callin’ a delinquent?!”
As we all laughed, I began to worry—not about Higashira-san being accepted as Mizuto’s girlfriend, but about how the environment around her might change and how that might affect her.
Isana Higashira
As soon as I opened the door to the classroom, I was shocked. Prior to summer vacation, no one took notice of me whatsoever—I’d been practically invisible. So why was it that, immediately upon entering the classroom, I felt numerous gazes upon me?
Yume-san had informed me of the rumor surrounding myself and Mizuto-kun. I’d already had a faint notion that Mizuto-kun was more popular than he’d seemed. To actually discover that he truly was, however, caught me off guard. Although, to be fair, I had been the first to set my eyes on him.
My shoulders shrank as I waded through the stares of my classmates and lowered myself into my seat. I exhaled, envisioning I might be able to calm my nerves in the comfort of my familiar desk, but unfortunately, that was not the case. I was wholly unused to others perceiving me in such a strong manner. I was receiving a small taste of what it had been like when Yume-san had experienced her boom of popularity at the beginning of school. I had great respect for her ability to maintain her composure through all that.
“Hey, Higashira-san?”
In the middle of deciding whether to read a book or sleep until class commenced, I heard someone nervously call out. I wondered who they were talking to... Wait. Were my ears mistaken, or did she say my name?
“O-Oh, m-me?”
“Yep. You.”
Two girls had approached me. I recognized them as my classmates, however, I could not for the life of me recall their names. My deepest apologies! I figured Mizuto-kun hadn’t any idea what his classmates’ names were either. Perhaps I had nothing to apologize for.
On the other hand, the two of them seemed to be under the impression that I did, in fact, know their names. That would explain why they weren’t introducing themselves, at least. Did they believe that, since we were already in the second semester, I’d have a grasp on the identities of everyone in this class?
“So there’s this rumor going around...”
“Did you really go on a date with Irido-kun from class seven?”
“A...date?”
I’d been informed by Yume-san and Minami-san that Mizuto-kun and I had been seen together. From their information, should I have inferred that our outing had been interpreted as a date by those who had observed us? To be sure, I needed to continue the conversation and confirm.
“Um... Is this regarding the 27th of last month?”
“Yeah!”
“So it really was a date!”
Uh, um, I’ve yet to answer you. I simply wished to confirm the date in question. I attempted to correct their false assumptions, however, I was too late. Their words spread like wildfire to the girls in the class, who suddenly began clamoring around as if they’d been eavesdropping and waiting for the right time.
“When did you two start dating?!”
“You two were together a lot during the study camp, right?”
“Why’d you keep this to yourself?!”
“What’s Irido-kun really like?”
“Don’t be a stranger!”
“Awawawawawa!” I was feeling so frantic from the barrage of comments and questions that I’d unintentionally begun making Yoshi sounds. I was unable to mentally process everything being said almost simultaneously. Why were they all suddenly acting friendly with me? I had no opportunity to respond to their inquiries. More pressingly, they were convinced that Mizuto-kun and I were in a relationship. Also, why were they all suddenly acting friendly with me?!
I was growing uneasy. We were not in a relationship. How could we be, when he’d rejected me? Though they’d come up with this misunderstanding on their own, it didn’t quite sit well with me to stay silent and allow them to remain deceived. I needed to shut them down—with haste.
“U-Um—” I began before being promptly interrupted.
“How much did you two hang out over summer break?!”
“Huh? W-Well, practically daily.”
“Daily?!”
“Sheesh, you two are so in love!”
“W-Well, perhaps not daily. When Mizuto-kun went to his grandparent’s home, we—”
“You call him by his first name?!”
“Where do you two usually go on dates? Any usual spots?”
“O-Oh, well, I usually go to his home, but—”
“His house?! Every day?!”
“You two are basically married!”
The surrounding girls squealed excitedly. Wh-What should I do? I reflexively answered their questions and as a result lost the chance to deny that Mizuto-kun and I are in a relationship. I would have been lying, though, if I claimed I wasn’t feeling slightly elated by the current situation. Hm... “Basically married.” That’s how people perceive us?
“So, who confessed to who?!”
“W-Well, I suppose I confessed...” And got rejected.
“What did you say?!”
“U-Uh, well...”
“Aw, you’re blushing. So cute!”
I sheepishly giggled. I couldn’t recall the last time I had conversed this much with my classmates. In fact, this might have very well been the first time. Though Mizuto-kun and I may not have been dating, I’d yet to tell a single lie. I could indulge in this situation a little longer...couldn’t I? I could be his pretend girlfriend for just a little longer, right?
We were dismissed as soon as the commencement ceremony concluded. Immediately, I set my course for the library as usual. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I was almost certain that I could feel the gazes of others on me as I walked through the halls. I simultaneously felt a sense of superiority and loneliness.
As an aside, I was genuinely surprised that answering everyone’s questions honestly did not contradict their belief that we were in a relationship. Yume-san was constantly informing me that the actions between myself and Mizuto-kun were exactly the same as those in a relationship. I supposed her concerns were valid. Who would’ve thought?
I’d no desire to bring this commotion to the library for fear of disturbing others, so I slowly and cautiously made my way there, doing my best to elude detection. So this is what celebrities feel like. I surveyed the area to confirm whether any gazes were on me before entering. As I began to approach our usual spot, it suddenly struck me that there was no guarantee Mizuto-kun would be present.
I’d come here out of habit based on our first semester traditions, but perhaps after summer break, Mizuto-kun would not be so inclined to come. I nervously peeked around the bookcase and saw him leaning against the air-conditioning unit below the windowsill.
A strange laugh escaped me. I was overjoyed that everything was the same as it had been in our first semester. Mizuto-kun and I would be able to see each other every day in the second semester as well. Moreover, this meant that he had every intent of staying true to his promise...right?
“Hm? Hey.” Mizuto-kun looked up from his book.
“Greetings. Long time no see...or not.”
“It’s hard to branch out of customary greetings.”
“What are you reading?” I placed my bag down, removed my socks, and seated myself on top of the air conditioner.
The familiarity was very comforting. Sitting next to Mizuto-kun in the desolate corner of the mostly deserted library, sockless, almost reminded me of being in my room. Perhaps that was why I felt so comfortable.
As enjoyable as it was to have my classmates fawn over me, this was much more my speed. If I was stranded on a deserted island and was only afforded the luxury of one personal effect, I’d bring Mizuto-kun.
Suddenly, I heard some feminine whispers.
“I-Is that...”
“The rumor’s true.”
I looked around and saw two girls glancing at us from the reading area. Oh? Mizuto-kun has fans here as well? When he looked up at them, they immediately averted their gazes. Mizuto-kun slightly furrowed his brow.
“Are you bothered?” I asked.
I had a suspicion that he did not enjoy being the center of attention. It should’ve been fairly obvious he preferred being in the background, meaning that he was not a fan of the current situation.
“Are you?” he asked, answering with a question of his own.
“I suppose. I must admit I feel slightly bigheaded from being fawned over.”
“Stop that.” He lightly tapped me on my head.
“Ow.”
This was a very normal interaction between us, but the two girls from before squealed in excitement.
Mizuto-kun quickly reset his hand’s position and fiddled with his hair as if that had been his original intention. “So, what did you say?” he asked with a sigh.
“Hm?”
“To your classmates. They questioned you, didn’t they?”
“Well...” I certainly couldn’t inform him that when I said I’d been big-headed it wasn’t in jest. “I don’t believe I said anything that wasn’t based in fact...”
“The way you phrased that is suspicious, but it’s probably fine. For the record, I’ve declined to comment when asked.”
“Is there a reason it wouldn’t be okay?”
“What happens if I open my mouth and tell people we aren’t dating when you tell others that we are?”
“What indeed?”
“They’ll think you’re some crazy stalker chick.”
“Oh! That’s true!”
“Did this really never cross your mind?”
No, it hadn’t. I couldn’t even imagine what would’ve occurred if I’d gotten too ahead of myself and began bragging. “Wouldn’t it be best if we rehearsed our answers, then?”
“Yeah. We shouldn’t vehemently deny anything, since that’ll have the opposite effect. It’ll be safer if we give noncommittal answers, obfuscating the situation.”
“Understood! I will obfuscate to the best of my abilities!”
“You worry me... Ugh, this is such a pain in the ass.” Mizuto-kun exhaled before continuing. “God, don’t any of them have better things to do with their lives?”
Truthfully, I was slightly glad that my classmates were talking to me. I was much more attached to the world than Mizuto-kun was, so I felt joy when others paid me attention. That being said, I absolutely detested the idea of causing problems for Mizuto-kun.
Kogure Kawanami
“How’re things lookin’ on your end?” I asked Akatsuki as I began munching on a slice of pizza we’d gotten delivered for dinner.
She was currently sitting across from me, tapping at her phone with one hand and stretching a strand of cheese from her mouth to the slice in her other.
“It’s already spread to most of the first-year girls, but I don’t think any of them have bad intentions. Should be fine to let things be.”
“Seriously? You’re sure there’s not even one person who’s gonna be like, ‘That bitch is getting too full of herself’?”
“Yep. Even if there was someone like that, at most, it’d just be some person who wants to go against what everyone else is head over heels for. I guess he’s lucky that this happened before he got too popular. People can accept that they’re weirdos in love.”
“Those people might accept it, but I can’t.”
“How’re things with the guys?”
“Nobody really cares. There might be some guys who start going after Irido-san again now that the brother she was supposedly into is off the market.”
“Make sure you stop that in its tracks.”
“Already on it.” I was also on my phone.
“So, yeah, looks like we don’t have to put out any fires. Thought as much.”
“You did?”
“I told Irido that we’d try to do damage control, but he said not to do anything unnecessary.”
“‘Unnecessary’? Does he not care what people around him think?”
“No, but more than that...” I thought back to Irido’s words when I’d proposed the idea of helping out, and how he’d asked if I was looking down on Higashira.
“Whaddya think?” I asked.
Akatsuki furrowed her brow and tilted her head in thought. “Higashira-san is really girly in front of me and Yume-chan. She blushes nonstop when Irido-kun compliments her and gets really down when he’s mad at her. It’s almost like taking care of a kid.”
“Okay... And?”
“I don’t know if Irido-kun knows that.” Is that concern I hear in this psycho’s voice? “I’m not sure he understands that Higashira-san is a normal girl.”
Isana Higashira
“Hey, Higashira-san! Wanna eat lunch together?”
The next day, the new banner character, Isana Higashira, was still a hot item in the classroom gacha. This may have been the first time I’d ever been invited to lunch by my classmates. I rarely ever saw anyone other than Mizuto-kun, Yume-san, or Minami-san during lunch.
“U-Uh, i-if you don’t mind me joining...”
“Of course not! Come on, let’s go! Did you bring lunch, or are you buying it?”
“O-Oh, I-I brought mine.”
Thank you for making me lunch today, mother! Usually, she simply handed me some change through a yawn, but it seems that the god of sleep was smiling upon me today. With things going this well, something else must have been going on. However, the girls who’d invited me seemed genuinely kind...even if I still had no idea what their names were.
“You’re close enough with Irido-kun that you know his family, right? Do you know Irido-san—I mean, his older stepsister—too?”
“Oh, indeed. Irido-san occasionally invites me over as well.”
“Huh? Really?!”
“So jelly!”
The main topic discussed during our lunch break was, of course, Mizuto-kun. I was almost impressed that they had not exhausted their questions regarding him. They were extremely thorough, if nothing else. Part of me wondered if they were interested in Mizuto-kun, but from what I could gather, they seemed to just be curious.
I answered their inquiries to the best of my abilities while being careful to not say anything that would infringe on the privacy of Mizuto-kun and Yume-san. Fortunately, there were people who understood my plight and would come to my aid.
“That’s not something you can ask,” they’d say jokingly, rebuking their friends.
Seeing them like this made me believe they were truly good people. However...
“Seriously, though, how nice. Irido-kun looks like such a meek guy.”
“Yeah, I mean, I always thought he’d be useless in a fight.”
“Uh...pardon?” I asked.
“He saved you when you were surrounded by delinquents, right?”
“Oh em gee! That’s like right out of a shojo manga. So jelly!”
“Uh...pardon?” I repeated, still not following. I have no recollection of mentioning Mizuto-kun rescuing me from delinquents.
“He took your hand and ran away with you, right?”
“I heard he beat up all the delinquents.”
“No, no. He broke them with just his words.”
“I heard he carried her like a princess and ran off.”
O-Oh, my. What a disaster. The rumor has grown out of control! Unbeknownst to me, Mizuto-kun had become Superman! Others truly saw him that way? They thought him to be a white knight?! Sure, I understood, but...
“U-Uh, a-about that—” I tried speaking up but was immediately interrupted.
“Irido-kun can cook too, right, Higashira-san?”
Everyone suddenly turned to me. Ah...they’re all looking at me expectantly. They were obviously expecting more juicy tales that detailed the heroism and amazing exploits of Mizuto-kun. They had no need to explicitly ask me to do that; it was written all over their faces.
However, Mizuto-kun was nowhere near as perfect as they might’ve wished him to be. When I visited him in the afternoon, often he’d have just woken up. There was even a time when he’d neglected to fix his bedhead for three consecutive days. He was hardly even capable of doing push-ups! There was no way he could hit someone without his fist breaking. I needed to deny the rumors. I needed to deny—
“I believe...he’s quite talented at cooking,” I replied.
“I knew it!”
“Ohmigod, he’s home-oriented, smart, and manly?!”
“He’s such a cutie too!”
“He is!”
“He’s seriously cute!”
“I agree! He certainly has an adorable visage!” I chimed in.
None of this is untrue! He can cook and he is adorable. My lack of denial had absolutely nothing to do with me being frightened of ruining the mood! I truly had no intention of deceiving them...I promise.
Perhaps it was simply my imagination, but it seemed as though more people were in the library after school than yesterday. I was unsure, since I hadn’t made a habit of counting the number of people present daily. Could the whispers of conversation I heard as Mizuto-kun and I read in our usual spot really have simply been a fabrication of my mind?
Their conversation may not have had anything to do with us, and they may not have had any ill intent. But it was a stark contrast to the silence we’d enjoyed prior to our summer vacation. They were whispering, for certain, but it still sounded particularly raucous—especially after I’d gotten so used to how things had been.
I almost would have preferred if the librarian told them off for chatting in the library...but on second thought, they would’ve first scolded myself and Mizuto for all the conversations we’d had.
I wasn’t the only one bothered by our surroundings, from what I could tell. Mizuto-kun seemed to be much more cautious of coming into contact with me than he used to be. Typically, he’d idly brush his fingers through my hair, touching my ears and such. However, he did no such thing today. I’d secretly looked forward to him doing that, so I felt rather unsatisfied.
I also felt as if his brow was furrowed more than usual, his expression more stiff. It was quite possible that the rumors weren’t making him as elated as they made me. I wondered if this situation was stressing him out.
“Um, would you like to change locations?” I inquired.
“I’m all right. Don’t worry about it,” he replied with a smile.
He had said he was “all right” several times, but was he? I wasn’t the most reliable person, so perhaps he was avoiding confiding in me. Even when I’d confessed to him, he hadn’t revealed he had previously been in a relationship.
Since I’m very simpleminded and not the brightest, I was happy to remain his friend after failing to become his romantic partner. I’d never even stopped to consider that he was simply remaining friends with me in order to avoid leaving me heartbroken. I hadn’t considered that he’d been showing me compassion to avoid inflicting psychological shock on me.
After my rejection, he accepted my selfish request to return to normalcy and interacted with me as if nothing had happened. It was strange that he hadn’t uttered even a word of complaint despite this being behavior completely removed from common sense. Was he truly “all right”? Was I acting correctly?
“Just be yourself. Everything’ll be all right.”
He kept repeating those words—“all right.” Maybe it would be. Maybe I could be as well...
“How can you suggest that when you’ve never once seen what I’m like in my classroom?”
“Huh?” Hm? What did I say? “Higashira?” Mizuto-kun looked at me with concern.
“Is something the matter, Mizuto-kun?” I asked in my usual tone.
I must exercise more caution. I was close to once again failing to read the room.
No one event in particular had led to this. This was a result of foolish decision after foolish decision on a daily basis. I’d been labeled as a “strange girl,” and I had no recourse to revise this perception.
Take, for example, when two boys in my elementary school class quarreled with one another. I’m unable to recall what the exact cause had been, however, it most likely had to do with one of the boys bad-mouthing the other, resulting in a retaliatory strike.
They began grappling with each other, which forced our teacher to intervene and tear them apart. Through sobs, they explained the circumstances surrounding their altercation.
“Both of you are at fault,” our teacher had said. “Apologize to each other and go back to being friends, okay?”
Every time I think back on it, I have an irresistible urge to tilt my head in confusion. Why was it necessary for them to apologize? Sure, they were both at fault, but the person who initiated the physical altercation should’ve been the first to apologize. Moreover, they weren’t friends to begin with. In fact, they weren’t on any particular terms—good or bad. How were they supposed to “go back to being friends” when they were lacking that relationship in the first place? Was our teacher really cognizant of the situation? Was he even aware of who those two kids were?
Unfortunately, these questions hadn’t always been thoughts. I’d said all this aloud, back then. Yes, the person who was not even remotely involved in their quarrel had spoken up and harshly questioned our intervening teacher. My clearest memory came from what occurred next—the change in atmosphere in our classroom.
Our teacher clammed up and had an uncomfortable look on his face. My classmates were looking at me, confused as to why I’d even opened my mouth to spew something so unnecessary. The two boys who’d been quarreling pursed their lips in embarrassment and turned bright red as they glared at me.
I could remember all of this clearly, along with the comments that’d been written on my report card for that semester. “Slightly lacking in cooperative ability.” I was young, so I had to look up what that word meant, but when I figured it out, I felt shocked.
In other words, my teacher had claimed I was unable to work with others. How could that be? Our teacher constantly told all thirty-six of us in class to get along and work with each other. I didn’t believe I’d been disobeying his instructions.
When I cried to my mother about this, she laughed so hard.
“He wants all thirty-six of you to get along and work together?! Ha ha ha! Like hell that’s possible! What an idiot! Look at this, Isana—I have a hundred and twelve friends on my account, but y’know, if I mess up even a little, they’ll mercilessly flame me like there’s no tomorrow. These are my game buddies! They’ll hurl all kinds of curses at me while giving me mats I ask for and help me if I’m struggling with an enemy. Why the hell do you need to ‘get along’ with people? Say what you want. Get into fights with people. The only ones who’ll get their panties in a bunch are stupid-ass adults who can’t even come to grips with the intentions of children. Ha ha ha!”
I truly looked up to my mother. I very much desired to become like her—to be so free and bold with my actions. That’s why I readily accepted my mother’s words over what had been written in my report card. I would speak as I wished. I would quarrel with others. I would live as my mother instructed me to. As a result, I did not have a single friend in elementary school. This trend continued into middle school, and finally, someone spelled it out for me.
“Higashira-san...can’t you, like, read the room more?”
“Everyone’s fed up with you ’cause of all the stuff you blurt out. Like, who asked?”
When I questioned what she’d meant by “everyone,” I only upset her more.
“Shut up! I mean everyone! God, this is what I mean. You’re so annoying!”
But who was “everyone”? What was this “room” I should’ve been reading? Had I said anything incorrect?
“Higashira, you’re entitled to your own opinions, but you’re not gonna get anywhere in society if you don’t make some concessions.”
“Do you think your attitude is doing you any favors?! Use common sense!”
What had they meant by “common sense” and “getting somewhere in society”? Why had they all been so upset with me? I couldn’t understand. I had absolutely no clue. Nobody had instructed me on this. Why would they expect me to understand all this without any prior knowledge? Hadn’t we been taught from a young age that diversity should be celebrated, not rebuked? Why was I garnering the ire of other’s for simply saying what others didn’t? Why was I being told to conform to how others conducted themselves?
It was impossible for me. I was unable to proactively converse with others. To inquire whether others could lend me their textbook. To say anything if I dropped my eraser. To pair up with anyone in physical education. To write my thoughts regarding our social study field trips. To sing during choir. To finish the lunches provided at school. Things that were as simple as breathing for others were impossible for me.
Was I at fault? Could I truly be blamed? Was this something that could be overcome if only I put in the effort to do so? Was it simply a matter of effort for me to achieve “normalcy”? If so, then why did others not put in the effort to conform to who I was? Why was I being forced to act in a way that I didn’t want to?
My entire life, I’d been called strange by others; however, from my perspective, they were the strange ones. Though my mother was my ideal, I was incapable of becoming her. I was unable to laugh off the hateful comments I got from others. I lacked the popularity to make acquaintances with others while conducting myself however I liked.
If anything, I wished I could become like everyone else. To be someone who could read the room without having to be taught. To have common sense instilled in me. To be praised by adults. To lead a normal life. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be like them. If I did, I would no longer be myself.
Was there a world out there where I wouldn’t be persecuted for being myself, like in the light novels I’d read? Perhaps going to a new world was the best choice for me. I wondered if things would become easier for me if I was reincarnated into a new world.
I was completely aware of how pointless these thoughts and delusions were. They were simply a way to escape from reality, if only just a little. How silly of me. There was only one choice afforded to my middle school self, and that was to apply to a high school that none of my classmates would attempt to attend.
I’d heard that Kyoto University played host to a wide cast of unique characters. And as long as I was in a place that was essentially a gathering place for intellectuals, I’d thought I might find camaraderie with others who were similar to me. Perhaps then I’d be able to be like everyone else.
However, my hopes had been dashed. I’d anticipated a school with a cast of unique characters, but I was wrong. Nothing had changed. Everyone was the same as everywhere else, and I was the same as I’d always been.
Then, one day, I heard someone call out to me.
“You like this series too?” he asked.
This was when I met Mizuto-kun. He was the only person that failed to become upset with me. It didn’t matter if I had common sense; even if I failed to read the room, he didn’t yell at me. If I did anything strange, he informed me exactly what was strange about it. In fact, he’d said something stranger than anything that’s ever come out of my mouth—that he wanted to be with me. To be my friend. Perhaps this was when I came to realize that someone as insignificant and lowly as me had no place troubling Mizuto-kun.
“I heard you and Irido-kun were hanging out in the library yesterday.”
“For real? You two are so in love!”
The next day during lunch, the same girls from before came up and started talking to me. I was truly happy that they did, but...I needed to make something clear.
“Let’s go eat! You can spill the deets over lunch.”
“P-Pardon!” I mustered every last bit of courage I had to blurt this out in a loud voice, stopping them in their tracks. I reflexively hung my head when they turned to look at me, but I knew what I needed to do. “T-Truthfully, Mi-Mizuto and I are...not dating.”
I said it. I managed to say it. At long last, the truth came out of my lips. I was not Mizuto-kun’s girlfriend. I was but the girl he’d decisively turned down—a complete and utter loser. Now that you know, please leave Mizuto-kun... Please leave us alone.
There were a few moments of silence as they tried to process what I’d said. After some time, the girl who was usually very considerate of me spoke up.
“Oh, you! No need to be embarrassed,” she said, lightly tapping my shoulder.
I doubted there was any malice behind her words. I was solely to blame for not being able to successfully express my thoughts this entire time. However, how was I supposed to when this was simply how I was?
“I-I’m being truthful!” I insisted in a louder voice than I’d intended.
The classroom fell silent, and I felt everyone’s piercing gazes fall on us. I-I wasn’t aiming to sound upset. But I... No, I... I’m... I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.
“I-I’m so sorry...” Despite this strong torrent of emotions inside me, I was only able to whisper these words.
I had no clue if they even heard what I’d said. Had my voice been at a level that others could just barely perceive?
“Oh...” She was clearly uncomfortable as she removed her hand from my shoulder. “Uh, my bad...”
With that, they left and began whispering to each other. Most likely, they were conversing about how I was unable to read the room.
I exhaled. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. After this outburst, I ignored my surroundings and exited the classroom. I needed to procure food for myself, since mother hadn’t been able to make lunch for me today.
Mizuto Irido
“Where is she?”
As usual, I’d come to the library after classes had ended, but Higashira wasn’t there yet. I took a look around the library, then sat in our usual spot and pulled out a book I was in the middle of reading. Was she being held up by class? Maybe she had to help with cleaning or something. Either way, she’d come sooner or later, so I decided to wait.
Before I knew it, I’d finished reading my book. Huh? I tilted my head. What time is it? I put my book back in my bag and pulled out my phone. Five o’clock?! It’d been over an hour and yet there was still no sign of her. There was no way that class or cleaning would’ve gone on for this long.
I checked my messages, but I didn’t have anything from her. What’s going on? Is she sick? Suddenly, I heard the librarian turn a page in her book. It’s that quiet? Wait. I couldn’t believe that I was noticing this now, but why was it so quiet? What happened to the gallery from yesterday? Had they lost interest? That was quick. I was grateful for their short attention span, but then the words that Higashira had muttered yesterday suddenly replayed in my head.
“How can you suggest that when you’ve never once seen what I’m like in my classroom?” she’d said.
That was the first time I’d seen her like that. That wasn’t the Higashira I knew. The next moment, my phone chimed.
Izanami: Apologies, but I won’t be joining you today.
Uh, a little late, don’t you think? Either way, I immediately responded.
Mizuto: You okay? Catch a cold?
There was a beat between when she read my message and when she responded.
Izanami: I have other obligations. Apologies.
Something felt off. Why had it taken her so long to tell me this? Why were her messages so short? Usually, she’d follow up her messages with some kind of joke like “Yes, I’m ill. Would you please nurse me back to health?” But what nagged at me the most was her apologies.
Mizuto: Something happen in class?
After a few seconds she replied.
Izanami: No.
Izanami: I think it may be best if we do not meet for some time.
I furrowed my brow at her message.
Mizuto: Did they say something?
Mizuto: This isn’t like you. Screw whatever other people say.
This time I got an immediate response.
Izanami: This is me.
Izanami: I apologize.
After that, she stopped responding, no matter what I sent.
I lay down on the living room couch and stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t in the mood to read whatsoever. I just kept thinking back to her last message. If I tried reading, no matter what, I could only see the words she wrote. I couldn’t focus on anything else, so I resorted to vacantly staring at the ceiling—but it was written there too.
“Uh... Are you okay?” Yume appeared above me as if she were blocking out the imaginary text on the ceiling. She peered down at me as she ran her fingers through her long black hair. “People have been talking about how you put her socks on for her. You should be a little more discreet. Your little nook in the library doesn’t make you invisible, you kn—”
“Why.”
Yume yelped a little from my sudden outburst and moved her face away. I was so angry. Everything got on my nerves. The entire world was pissing me off.
“Higashira and I have hung out in that same spot forever. Why do we have to turn tail and run now? Why do we have to hide?!”
“C-Calm down. What’s going on?”
I froze as soon as I saw the confusion in Yume’s face. I slowed my breathing and tried to calm myself, but I could still feel the anger seething inside me.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, but...” Yume continued staring at me. “Move over.”
“Huh?”
“Just move over!” I made space at the edge of the couch and Yume immediately plopped herself down, looking straight at me. “Talk.”
“What?”
“Tell me everything! Something happened with Higashira-san, right?”
“This has nothing to do with y—”
“I knew you’d say that, and I have a counter: anything to do with my family and friends has to do with me!”
I fell silent. I hadn’t expected her to have an argument prepared, much less for her to be right.
Yume’s expression softened as her voice turned gentle, not unlike a mother trying to comfort their crying child. “What’s wrong? Did something bad happen?”
“No...”
“Akatsuki-san told me that if there’s anyone who gets a big head and resorts to bullying, she’ll make them pay by any means possible.”
“What’s going on in that head of hers?” Ugh. Fine. I wasn’t about to let anyone “pay” over a misunderstanding.
“At the very least, nothing’s happened to me. Kawanami’s been playing bodyguard.”
“I know that. Did something happen to Higashira-san?”
“I...don’t know.” I furrowed my brow and put a finger on my temple. “From what Kawanami’s told me, Higashira’s not being bullied or anything. Some girls from her class talked to her. She’s told me as much too. But...” I proceeded to tell Yume about how Higashira hadn’t come to the library and about our text conversation. I’m not holding anything back. I’m laying every last thing bare. “I think she’s trying to be considerate, but I don’t understand why she’s doing that after she got over her rejection. Why should she care what other people think now?”
Yume let out a long, heavy sigh.
“Why are you sighing?” I asked, tilting my head.
“This’ll be the first time I’ll say something like this. It’s pretty vulgar, so I’d rather not, but I can’t think of any other way to get it through your thick skull.”
“Huh?”
Yume pointed at me, took a deep breath, and declared, “You absolute...virgin!!!” I froze. “What do you mean, ‘she got over her rejection’? What do you mean, ‘why should she care what other people think now’?! You don’t understand anything! Ugh, this is why I can’t stand virgins! You all have your delusions about women.”
“Uh...huh? Delusions?”
“Yeah! You’ve pushed all your ideals onto Higashira-san! Knowing how much you have your nose in a book, I’d say you’ve started losing touch with what’s real and what’s fiction. You secretly call her a femme fatale, don’t you?!”
“Like hell I do!” Does this idiot think that every reader calls girls close to them “femme fatales”? What the hell kinda prejudice is this?!
“Of course she cares what other people think!” Yume spat, both figuratively and literally, without a hint of shame. “Of course she cares about how she’s perceived, especially in relation to the person she likes!”
I had no words.
“Weren’t you annoyed when people found out about your hangout spot? Can you really say that it didn’t affect how you acted at all? Do you know how that made Higashira-san feel? Can you really say that you didn’t frighten the same girl who we know is cowardly and oblivious to others?”
I remembered Higashira flashing me a worried look. I’d tried to reassure her that everything was all right and I’d keep my promise to her. I began remembering the things she’d said to me.
“Hm? I don’t perceive myself as that calm of a person.”
“Are you rejecting my offer?”
“Are you bothered?”
Was she really okay? Was she not anxious about things? How well did I really, truly know Isana Higashira?
“She’s just a normal girl who’s head over heels for you. She tries to play the part of the person you think she is—a weirdo who doesn’t change how she acts despite what other people think. How else do you think she was able to go back to being friends with you so quickly? She’s been hiding her wounds from being rejected, and—”
“Thanks. That’s enough,” I said, interrupting Yume.
I was acutely aware of how oblivious I’d been. It was embarrassing. That being said, I was confident I hadn’t been underestimating her. Had she really been doing her best to match my image of her? Had she been hiding how she hurt while returning to being friends? I didn’t think so.
“Thanks for telling me what you think. You’ve been really helpful, but...I don’t believe you’re right about anything you said.”
“Why’s that?”
“If I had to say...it’s because I’m an annoying Higashira otaku.” Yume looked confused, but I continued. “The original is always the best.”
I heard the sound of someone picking up the phone.
“Hey,” I said.
“Mizuto-kun?”
“Why’d it take you so long to pick up?”
“Apologies. I was playing a game, and—”
“For four hours?”
“It’s typical for gaming,” she reasoned.
“Maybe I’m the weird one for trying to call you for four hours straight.”
“Yes...I wholeheartedly agree.”
“It’s late. I’m gonna just cut straight to the chase.”
“I wouldn’t mind idly chatting first.”
“Nah, I’m gonna keep things short and sweet today. I’ve misunderstood who you are, Higashira.”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
“I thought you were strong. That no matter how hurt you got, you’d easily recover and brush it off.”
“Oh, no. There is absolutely nobody weaker than I.”
“Yume said that you’re a normal girl and that you were just being the weird girl that I thought you were.”
“Hm... That may be true, but I am uncertain.”
“There’s something that doesn’t add up.”
“Oh? What might that be?”
“Do you remember back when I came to you for help when Yume was acting weird?”
“Oh, yes. If I remember correctly, I’d yet to formally be acquainted with Yume-san and the others.”
“Yep. And you said, ‘When I find that my rules are being threatened, I get very defensive, not unlike a chained-up feral animal. Allegedly, when that happens, I am unable to read the room.’”
“I don’t really remember, but maybe I did? I’m surprised you remember so clearly.”
“After hearing that, I thought you were strong. I thought you wouldn’t be swayed by what others thought. So, here’s the thing—why would someone like that try and match themselves to what I thought of them?”
“I doubt I put too much thought into my selection of words. I may have been parroting something I’d read in a light novel.”
“Yeah, maybe. But do you remember my response? I said, ‘Being able to read the room is important, but not when it comes to me.’”
She fell silent.
“Do you remember?”
“I do...”
“Did you forget that? Or did you ignore what I said on purpose?”
“I’m unsure. I do remember it, at this point in time, but on occasion, certain things fall out of my memory.”
“Like when you asked me out?”
“Huh?”
“Do you remember what I said after you obtusely suggested that we walk home together?”
Silence again.
“Do you?” I repeated.
“I do now...” This time it was my turn to be silent. “If I was unable to recall your words, there was no way I could’ve said what I did.”
“To be honest, I can’t remember what I said.”
“In that case, you really are the kind of person I think you are. You read the situation in my stead and were cautious of your treatment towards me.”
“Yeah.”
“I felt as if I’d found salvation back then, but at the same time, I was miserable.”
“Why?”
“Heh heh. I was surprised I’d suggested it. Oh, how miserable I was...”
“You’re crazy. I was impressed by how amazing you were. I don’t think I’ve ever respected anyone as much as I did you in that moment.”
“You’re overestimating me. If anything, you’re the amazing one. You’re a wonderful person who’s not only strong but also rather forward. I wish I could be like you.” I didn’t know what to say. “I yearned to be someone who was strong and could stand on their own two feet without using friends as a crutch—just like Hachiman Hikigaya or Kiyotaka Ayanokoji or Tatsuya Shiba. Isn’t that much more impressive? I wanted to be a person with the same incredible fortitude as those protagonists. If it was possible to achieve a personality like theirs, I wanted to live my life in the pursuit of becoming like them.”
I stayed silent and continued to listen.
“But, it turns out, I am incapable of pursuing that life—of walking in their footsteps. I am neither strange nor normal. I’m just oblivious to social cues and the feelings of others. There is absolutely nothing special about me. I am simply lacking in every regard. I’ve no hidden talents up my sleeve. I’m merely an outcast.” I stayed silent. “For instance, today was a magnificent example of how oblivious I am. I’m aware you have no desire to take a reprieve from spending time together. Though we’d planned to not come out and say anything decisive...I clearly informed my classmates that we are not in a relationship. I continue to repeat the same mistakes without ever learning. Despite being cognizant of what I’m doing and what it will result in, I choose the incorrect decision regardless.”
I still couldn’t say anything.
“Even now, at this very moment. Why have I entered into this extended monologue? I will most certainly regret this decision later. I will be writhing around in agony, praying that I can wipe this from my memory. Even so, I am not stopping myself. I’m unable to read the room. My inability to comprehend my surroundings is completely my fault. Ehe heh heh. Even when others call me strange...truthfully, I grow a little joyful. If I truly am as strange as they claim, I wouldn’t be happy that they were calling me that. It’s quite a banal idea, if I do say so myself.”
Still, I didn’t say anything.
“It turns out that no matter what I do, it’s always a half-baked attempt. Whether it’s drawing, writing, or streaming—each time, I’ve halted before showing anyone. But perhaps it’s not entirely my fault. After all, the internet is a gathering ground for individuals even stranger than I. Compared to them, I may as well be nothing.”
Still, I didn’t say anything.
“However, Mizuto-kun, you’re the real deal. You truly are strange. I yearn to be like you—to be with you. That’s why...”
Still, I didn’t say anything.
“That’s why...”
“You fell for me?” I asked.
“No.”
I fell silent again.
“No. That... The circumstances behind that are different. I swear. That was in all likelihood...”
A silence followed, shared by the two of us. I was the first to break it.
“Higashira...”
“Yes?”
“Mind if I talk about my past a little?”
“Go ahead.”
“My favorite book in middle school was Dogra Magra. It was known as being one of Japan’s top three strangest books. I liked the idea of that, so I wanted to read it. But in the end, I barely understood what was going on.”
“Wow...” she said, concerned.
“Around that time, I got a girlfriend. Her favorite genre was mystery, and she was really into them. She was pretty unfiltered when it came to her opinion on mystery titles and would disparage anything that contradicted Knox’s Ten Commandments.”
“Wow...” she said in an even more concerned voice.
“What I’m trying to say is that both of us were normal middle schoolers. We were a normal couple. We were so unremarkable that the likes of us would never make it into a story.” I waited for her to respond, but she stayed silent. “Honestly, I don’t think ‘weird’ people exist, Higashira. Everyone’s normal.”
“My mother has stated the opposite.”
“If everyone’s weird, though, doesn’t that make it normal to be weird?”
“I...suppose.”
“Anyone who claims they’re a normal high schooler is actually the weirdest of them all.”
“There are many protagonists like that.”
“If there are, then they’re normal.”
“So does that make every human on this planet normal?”
“Humans aren’t special. Every last one of us is just a normal protagonist.”
“Are you perhaps quoting something?”
“Maybe. I’m just a normal person, after all.”
The line filled with silence for a moment before Higashira spoke again.
“Even so...you really are a strange person, Mizuto-kun.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“I-I’m not as strange as you, though.”
“You’re overevaluating me.”
“Then, please prove it to me—prove that you’re normal.” I paused in thought while she continued. “If you truly are normal...then you’re not too different from me. I require proof.”
“Sure.”
“The fact that you can give an immediate, affirmative reply is not normal.”
“It is.”
“How, exactly?”
“I just read the room and decided to say those words.” Higashira lightly giggled at my response. “That funny?”
“No, it’s just... What you did is something at the level of what I am capable of as well.”
Isana Higashira
I ended the call and gazed at the ceiling in my room. Would this be considered an argument? Had I just had an argument with my friend? A great deal of self-loathing overcame me, not merely from deriving joy from something so trivial, but the very same act of deriving joy as well.
Normal people would not enjoy this situation. Therefore, I was strange. Regardless, I knew that deep inside, I preferred being this way. Truly, I was illogical and ever so lame, to the point of excess.
There wasn’t a chance that Mizuto-kun and I were the same. He was intelligent, unyielding to the influence of others, and resolute about who he was as a person. He’d claimed that he’d prove we were the same, but by saying that, he’d only further reinforced the idea that he was anything but normal.
Certainly, that kind of person exists. However, that archetype did not suit me. I wrapped my body in a blanket and curled up into a ball. I was positive that if I were to be transported to a different world, I’d be incapable of doing anything.
The following day, I ate lunch by myself and went home as soon as classes concluded. I did not meet up with Mizuto-kun.
The following day, there was no school, so I lazed about in bed. I did not meet up with Mizuto-kun.
The following day, there was no school, so I lazed about in bed. I gazed at the drawing of Mizuto-kun that I’d done the other day. I did not meet up with Mizuto-kun.
The following day, I ate lunch by myself and went home as soon as classes concluded. I did not meet up with Mizuto-kun.
The following day, I ate lunch by myself and went home as soon as classes concluded. I gazed at the drawing of Mizuto-kun that I’d done the other day. I did not meet up with Mizuto-kun.
The following day, the committee for the school’s cultural festival was decided. My class began a discussion regarding our contribution. No longer were my classmates discussing Mizuto-kun and me.
A week had passed, and I was planning to eat lunch by myself today as well, when...
“Higashira.”
I heard someone call out to me from close proximity.
“Higashira, I know you can hear me.” I nervously looked up, and standing right in front of my seat was Mizuto-kun. “I’m here to get you.”
My eyes darted around the classroom. It’d been a while since I’d truly perceived the classroom, and now everyone inside, and even people in the hallway, were currently focused curiously on Mizuto-kun and me.
“It’s all right,” he said in his usual tone of voice. “Sure, I hate being the center of attention, but...” He seemed very embarrassed when he spoke these words. “I hate not being able to spend time with you even more.”
The entire classroom fell silent. Oh. Hm? Huh?! It took a few moments before I fully comprehended his words.
As soon as I realized what he’d said, my heart began beating uncontrollably. My face felt as if it had been set aflame. The girls in the classroom began squealing excitedly.
“Oh my gawd!”
“I want someone to say that to me!”
“Oh god, my heart! I can’t!”
The girls in our class were in an uproar, with several of them practically fainting. Um, huh? Uh, he was speaking to me, right? He’d spoken so boldly in front of all these people... He truly wasn’t a normal person.
And then my eyes opened. It had all been a dream—or perhaps more accurately, a nightmare. I had no further desire to sleep or view the rest of that dream, so I decided to get up.
The way Mizuto-kun had acted in my dream... The real him could potentially do something like that. It would make me quite happy—that’s for sure. Perhaps that kind of grand ending was within the realm of possibility. He’d boldly enter my classroom to get me, cause everyone to burst with surprise, and then we’d depart together. How marvelous that would be. I’d love to experience that scenario. That being said, he could do it because he was Mizuto-kun.
“Isana, wake your ass up!”
“Ah! I-I’m awake! I’m awake!”
Yet another day of school that I would attend as incredibly normally as I usually would.
Both lunch period and classes ended without incident. I...will not go to the library today, I decided. Truthfully, there had been one day that I peeked into the library because I couldn’t hold myself back any longer, and I saw that Mizuto-kun was not in our usual place. He had no need to try so hard to follow my request to provide proof that he was normal and not too different from me.
Nobody was interested in our relationship anymore. There shouldn’t have been any need to put distance between us, but regardless, he was trying to faithfully fulfill that trivial request I’d made over the phone. For some reason. Well, I say that, but in truth, I knew why—because of our friendship.
I’d have been perfectly content if he’d ignored what I’d said and we’d reverted to our typical mannerisms—conversing in the library and spending time at his home on days we didn’t have school. That would be perfectly fine with me. I’d only said those words as a retaliation against his statement.
I covertly retrieved my tablet from my bag and gazed at the picture I’d drawn of Mizuto the other day when he’d come over to my house. I hadn’t drawn any clothes. My depiction of him was much more muscular than he truly was. I had attempted on numerous occasions to draw his private parts; however, I was always struck with self-hate and guilty feelings. I felt that way about the picture in general, though. Every time I viewed it, I felt a huge sense of regret.
I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize for impulsively saying something so strange. Please forget it. Please laugh it off. Please don’t take my words to heart. Please be as oblivious to those words as I am to social cues and situations. That would be sufficient for me. Even if you no longer look in my direction or feel any certain way towards me, as long as I can continue having feelings for you, that would be sufficient.
I exhaled slightly in an attempt to shift my negative thoughts in a more positive direction. I deleted the drawing and returned my tablet to my bag, shutting the clasp after I was done. I suppose I’ll be on my way now. Perhaps I’ll make a stop at a bookstore. There may be some new releases being sold early.
Suddenly, the classroom grew raucous. What’s going on? Whatever it was, it shouldn’t have had anything to do with me.
“Higashira.” I heard someone call out to me. Huh? Am I experiencing aftereffects from the dream from this morning? I cannot believe I’m experiencing an auditory hallucination of Mizuto-kun’s voice. This is crazy, even for me. “Higashira, I know you can hear me.” Am I...not hallucinating? I nervously looked up and began to think that I was experiencing a visual hallucination as well. However...this was reality. Mizuto-kun was standing in front of my desk.
I felt my throat dry up. This was not a dream. It was unmistakably reality.
“Wh-Why...?” Why are you here? Why are you boldly standing here in front of all these people? Aren’t you supposed to prove that you’re the same as me? Why are you pulling such a remarkable feat? You’re making me remember how shallow a person I am!
However, Mizuto-kun remained the same—unbelievably cool, strange, true to his promise, and standing right in front of me. I knew it. I knew Mizuto-kun was a liar. However, I’m fond of Mizuto-kun, so I will forgive him. Yes. This is the Mizuto-kun I became fond of, so—
“Here.”
“Huh?”
He lay a few pieces of folded up loose-leaf papers on my desk. Huh? Why didn’t he say, “I’ve come to get you”? Where’s the “it’s all right”? Wasn’t he supposed to say these cool words and make the girls in the class faint?
“Okay. Later,” he practically mumbled before hurriedly leaving the classroom, as if fleeing from the piercing glares surrounding him.
His actions certainly resembled—but also did not resemble—those of the Mizuto-kun in my dream. My classmates seemed confused, but they quickly returned to whatever conversations they’d been having prior to his entrance, as if nothing had happened. The only proof that he’d come in here were the papers he’d left on my desk. Were these...the proof he was talking about? After a full week of nothing...what could these pieces of paper possibly prove? I nervously unfolded them and began reading.
I giggled a little and continued reading. I chuckled some more as I grew more engrossed. When I finally finished, I burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. The classroom fell silent again and all their confused eyes focused on me. Oh no, I forgot that I’m still in the classroom. What a blunder. But this was inconsequential, in the end.
I steadied my breathing and held the pieces of paper against my chest, threw my bag over my shoulder, and stood up. I left the classroom, quickly walked through the halls, and headed for the place where Mizuto-kun would be—class 1-7.
I entered through the already open door without any hesitation. There were still a great number of students inside, but I paid them no heed. Mizuto-kun was the only reason I was here—no one else mattered.
“Higashira-san?” I thought I heard Yume-san’s voice, but I decided to address her at a later time.
I slipped in between people until I stood in front of Mizuto-kun’s desk, just as he’d done to me not too long ago.
“Mizuto-kun.” He looked up as I called his name. I almost found it amusing how serene and calm his cute face was. I placed the papers on his desk and decided to tell him my thoughts of what he’d written.
“What an incredibly uninteresting tale!”
This was the first time I’d ever given a scathing review, though I was in the most refreshed mood possible. On the papers he’d given me was a handwritten, nonsensical story with self-absorbed prose and incoherent monologue that did absolutely nothing to entice the reader. Furthermore, it had no discernible ending!
It was the kind of story that would’ve lost in the first round if it was submitted for a rookie author award. If he were to self-publish it online, it wouldn’t receive even ten likes. That was the state of Mizuto-kun’s short story.
I could confidently say that what I’d written was much, much more entertaining. I was surprised. How could Mizuto-kun—someone who read a wide range of books—produce such an archetypal, ego-stroking novel? Or perhaps he’d written it like that on purpose?
Mizuto-kun awkwardly looked away. “I had a feeling you’d say that, but I hadn’t accounted for you to say it so giddily. Kinda hurts...”
“So you were already aware of its value?”
“Not exactly. Someone just...had reading dibs on it.”
“Reading dibs”? What kind of person could he have deemed worthy of showing his story to? Then I saw Yume-san giving the pieces of paper a look of disgust. Oh, it seems she’s the one who had dibs and shared her evaluation of it with him.
“For the record, this was a genuine attempt at writing. It took me an entire week to fill just these few pages. I seriously respect the people online who can post something daily.”
“I suppose with your level of writing, frequency would be praiseworthy. After all, operating with moderation is reserved for the talented.”
“You really aren’t pulling any punches... When I finished writing it, I was really worried about it being so good that it’d have the opposite effect on you...” Mizuto-kun grumbled, truly down in the dumps.
Seeing this truly relieved me. Mother’s statement was indeed incorrect...but not entirely. People aren’t too different from one another. Even so, they all perceive others as strange. That’s why everyone wants to feel peace of mind—for everyone to seem the same. To be understood, and to understand one another.
The ability to do so was cooperation. The methodology was common sense. The relationship was society. In that case, I should proudly discard cooperation. I should proudly adopt the opposite of common sense. I should diverge from society. I should become a girl that anyone would perceive as strange. After all, what else was someone who’s incapable of reading the room supposed to do?
I was mostly confident that it would be all right. Even if I stumbled again, I was sure it would be all right. After all...
“Mizuto-kun.”
To me, Mizuto-kun was neither normal nor strange. Even if he was uncooperative, didn’t employ common sense, or failed to conform to society, I was comfortable in his presence just as he was. I saw him as someone similar to me. I knew who he was.
“I like you, Mizuto-kun.”
He was the only him in the world. He was special.
“Yeah.” A soft smile formed on Mizuto-kun’s face. “I like you too,” my best friend, who was more normal yet stranger than I, responded in turn.
Indeed. He was my best friend. That was the term for this kind of special friend.
Mizuto-kun and I walked side by side as we made our way to the library. I noticed that we were drawing looks, but I paid them no mind. However, I felt slightly enthused. This is my best friend! Envious, are you not? Ultimately, I was very keen on flaunting that which I was proud of.
As we continued, I slightly leaned forward and peered up at his face. “By the way, Mizuto-kun, isn’t it about time you called me by my first name?”
“Huh?”
“I think it’s about time you call me by my first name, as I do to you.”
It was unnatural that we were best friends and yet only I called him by his first name. I’d previously suggested this; however, he’d always been noncommittal and showed no sign that he’d stop dragging his feet and adopt the idea. Thus, I was not going to let him run away this time.
He made a pained expression. “I thought we decided to keep things the same.”
“My wish was for you to remain the same Mizuto-kun that I’ve come to desire. The Mizuto-kun I desire calls me by my first name, Isana.”
“Why are you going all galaxy brain now...?” Mizuto-kun began opening his mouth as if he was about to say something before closing it and looking away. Finally, I heard him say it in a very soft voice. “I...sana.”
“Once more!”
“Isa...na.”
“A little louder!”
“Isana! Happy now, Isana?! That better be good enough, Isana!”
“A-A-Ah! W-Wai— Y-You’re overloading me!”
I hadn’t expected this reversal from Mizuto-kun, who was now snorting and averting his gaze out of embarrassment. As he did, a light bulb went off in my head, and a grin crept across my face. He was always making me frantic, so perhaps it was my turn to reverse our positions.
“Mizuto-kun, I’ve read into various social cues, and there’s something I noticed which I’ve kept quiet about.”
“Reading social cues? You?”
“Yume-san is your ex, correct?”
Mizuto-kun stopped moving. His expression froze. “Wha... What?”
I widely grinned after seeing his reaction. “Mizuto-kun, you should not underestimate me so much,” I chided, walking away with a spring in my step.
After a little, I heard the sound of his frantic steps as he attempted to catch up to me.
“W-Wait, y-you— How long—?”
“How long indeed? I shall leave that to your imagination.”
Yume-san and Mizuto-kun were much bigger fools than I was. Did they really expect someone like me to be able to act as if I didn’t know their secret until they revealed it?
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