My Stepsister is My Ex-Girlfriend - Volume 6 - Chapter 6

Thank You

At our last middle school cultural festival, you were with your friends, laughing and enjoying yourself. I went to the roof as if I was running away from it all. It was only when I’d distanced myself from all the noise and looked down at the energetic festival that I began to calm down.

This is for the best. I’m okay with this. This is good for us. If anything, everything until then had been a mistake. It was like the early parts of The Ugly Duckling, when all the ducklings were together only because they were kids. I’m sure you would’ve said that you were the ugly duckling, but no, it was me. That’s why it was better that I left.

How could the two of us possibly be together when we were so fundamentally different? I’m sorry, Ayai. I’m so sorry. All I could do was mentally apologize even though I knew that these weren’t the words I needed to say.

Ever since last year, I’d been trying to define myself. I knew there was a wall between us, and yet, I dragged my feet on breaking up with you right up until graduation. The words you used to say, your quirks, everything you did... It all suddenly became unpleasant. Both love and hate coexisted inside me. I simultaneously liked you and hated you—that was the truth. As contradictory as that was, both feelings were legitimate.

It was frustrating. It was painful. It was sad. The internal strife born from that contradiction weighed on my mind so heavily. That’s why I felt so relieved after we broke up. After all, if we weren’t romantically involved anymore, the feelings I had for you weren’t love—just hate.

With that, the contradiction and my internal strife disappeared. Maybe that’s why I found it so much easier to be stepsiblings. After all, there was nothing to mull over if you hated a family member. Thus, I decided that I broke up with you because I hated you. That should’ve been the end of the story, but...

Everything got turned on its head that summer night. Seeing your face illuminated by the fireworks warped my definition of myself.

Tell me this is all fake. That it’s just a dream. Otherwise, why did we break up? What had been the point of all the frustration, pain, and sorrow? I was supposed to have hated you, but why couldn’t I get your face out of my head?!

Kogure Kawanami

“The Rakuro High School Cultural Festival has now ended. Thank you for coming.”

I deeply exhaled when I heard the announcement play from the PA system. We’d run out of tea leaves, coffee beans, various other ingredients, and time. Finally, it was time for the busy-as-hell cultural festival to come to an end. It felt like we’d just gotten off a shift at a real job. Fortunately, our café was free of any annoying bosses or senior coworkers, so working hadn’t actually been all that bad.

“Here.” A cold can was pressed against my cheek as I spaced out at one of the empty tables.

I turned around to see Akatsuki, who was wearing the class T-shirt. The little shrimp went to the other side of the table, sat across from me, and opened her can of orange juice.

I looked down at what she’d given me. “After serving freshly ground coffee all day, I get mine in a can?”

“Yeah, figured you’d want some right about now.”

“Thanks.”

As much as I hated to admit it, she knew me pretty well. While soaking in the energy of the room, I pulled back the tab of the can and savored the bitter, acidic flavor of the coffee—a flavor that could hardly be considered high-quality.

The Sakamizu girl, who hung out a lot with Akatsuki and Irido-san, had gone on a convenience store run and brought back bags filled with drinks and snacks. I figured this coffee was from that.

“So, how was the festival?” Akatsuki asked amidst the excited voices of our classmates.

Weirdly enough, her words were crystal clear to me despite all the noise, probably because I was so used to her voice.

“I had a good time, especially in the escape room from the second-years. That was godlike.”

“Oh, you went there too? I tried it with Maki-chan, but we didn’t make it out in time.”

“Your height’s not the only thing that’s stunted, huh? Even I escaped with my group.”

“I think stunning is the word you’re looking for. Also, there were only the two of us. We didn’t have five people like you!”

“Hm? Did I mention how many people I was hanging out with?”

“Oh, uh...” Akatsuki awkwardly averted her gaze.

Did we pass by each other at some point? “Speaking of hanging out, though, I wonder how the Irido siblings did. Things were so busy with our class that I didn’t have time to egg ’em on.”

“You didn’t have to. They went on their festival date anyway...well, with Higashira-san in tow.”

“Huh?! What the hell’s her problem? She crashed their date?!”

“It’s not her fault Irido-kun is so overprotective. He couldn’t leave her by herself.”

“Sure, but still...”

“Well, they were able to spend some time together when they went on their rounds, so isn’t that good enough?”

Sheesh, those siblings are such a pain. But then again, this stage of anguish and anxiety was the most delicious part of romance.

“There’s still the festival’s after-party too. Higashira’s probably not gonna stay for that,” I said.

“True... They shouldn’t really have any other committee work either.” The after-party, huh? What should I do? “Hey, um... Do you...have any plans for the after-party?” she asked as if she’d read my mind.

“Not really.”

“I thought you were ‘Mr. Popular’? You’re telling me nobody’s invited you? Not even...Nishimura-san?”

“Are you tryin’ to pick a fight? If someone invited me, they might as well be asking me out. I’d be lyin’ on a bed in the nurse’s office right about now if that happened.”

“Then, you, uh...you should go with me.” Akatsuki—A-chan—said, the rays from the setting sun on her back. There were faint shadows over her eyes as she peered up at me. I felt the skin on my arm begin to react. Asking me out... “This way, you can at least enjoy yourself without worrying about barfing your guts out.”

“Huh?”

“As your childhood friend, I’m your girl repellent. It’s partially my fault that you’re the way you are now, so this is the least I could do. Huh?” Akatsuki tilted her head at my clear confusion and began grinning teasingly. “Oh? Did you think I was about to ask you out?”

“Hell no!”

“God, you’re so full of yourself! Creep.”

“Shaddup!”

Akatsuki began snickering triumphantly. Now who’s the one full of themselves? Dammit.

Yume Irido

“The Rakuro High School Cultural Festival has now ended. Thank you for coming.”

The visitors exited through the main gate as the announcement rang into the night sky. Checking my phone, I saw that I’d gotten a message.

Madoka: We’re gonna go now. We had a good time!

In the meantime, people were energetically preparing for the festival’s after-party. They were taking apart some of the outdoor stalls to make space in the courtyard for the logs that they were piling on top of one another in preparation for the bonfire.

Mizuto, while not the center of attention or anything, was among the people working. Though he was smiling, I knew that it wasn’t genuine.

Maybe I’d been conceited. I thought that I’d begun to understand him a little better during our family trip. That’s why I’d gotten a big head and thought that maybe I could be the one to save him. But I’d failed to realize that he’d never once asked to be saved, or anything.

I’d been too blind to realize that those were all things I wanted. It felt good when the person I liked—my stepsibling, my ex—was recognized by others. I’d tried to use him to fulfill my stupid desire to be validated.

Even now, Mizuto continued to play along. He’d tried so hard not to make any waves so that I could look good. He’d suppressed who he really was for my sake so that I could live out my stupid fantasy. All of this was now crystal clear.

I understood why he’d always quickly finished his committee work, why he’d run off to Higashira-san at the drop of a hat. He wasn’t being considerate of her isolation; no, it was because he could be himself in front of her. He didn’t have to try and be considerate to her. It was supposed to be that way with us—with family—but I’d become one of the people he needed to put a mask on to interact with.

I felt sick at my own foolishness. I couldn’t even cry; it’d be too presumptuous. We were so far apart, emotionally. I’d thought that I’d finally caught up to him, but he was completely out of reach. It feels stupid to even be so in love with him.

Mizuto Irido

“It was so humiliating...”

I’d met up with Isana after finishing the prep for the after-party, but her face was red, and she was trembling for some reason. She’d changed back into her school uniform and was clutching a paper bag against her chest. I guess the dirndl’s inside that... Oh no.

“Wait...don’t tell me you wore that costume in your classroom...”

“I’d completely forgotten I was wearing it! It was only once my classmates pointed it out that I became aware of the situation. They teased me so much, saying that I was cute, that it looked good on me, and asking if it was what my boyfriend’s into!”

“That’s not teasing. Those are all pretty much compliments except— Hang on, why was I dragged into this?” In the age of social media, rumors spread like wildfire. Ugh, whatever.

Isana pressed the bag against me. “Please return these to Yume-san. I wanted to wash them first, but I’m not certain how to go about that.”

“Sure.”

“Please limit yourself when trying to inhale my scent.”

“Keep dreaming. I’m not you.”

“Wh-Whatever could you be talking about?”

Rich words coming from a person who shamelessly sniffed the hell out of my pillow.

“Should we get going?”

“Indeed! This will be my first time at a bonfire. Is dancing obligatory?”

“It’s not, but some people like to. It might just be fun to watch the fire, kinda like watching the bonfires at temples.”

“Oh, true! Huge flames invigorate the soul!”

“I’m making a mental note to never let you get fire powers.”

Just as Isana began walking to go down the stairs, I grabbed her by the arm. “Wait. Wrong way.”

“Huh? But it’s in the courtyard, isn’t it?”

“I know a better place for us.”

She blinked in confusion as I smiled. I’d worked so hard. I deserved a little reward.

Yume Irido

“Okay, committee members, congratulations on a festival well done!” Kurenai-senpai said, leading the toast as the committee head.

“Congrats!”

The sound of glasses clinking against each other mixed with the voices of everyone cheering. The meeting room that we’d been using as our base of operations was now filled with snacks and drinks that the upperclassmen had bought. It looked pretty quaint for a celebration, but there was a second venue for the real wrap party at an actual restaurant. In short, this was just the pre-celebration.

A group of girls including Yasuda-senpai came over to talk to me.

“I gotta say Yume-chan, your class’s Taisho Roman café was great! I’m so glad I went!”

“Th-Thank you.”

“Hm? Where’s your little brother?”

“Oh, he’s...busy with something else.”

“Really? That sucks. I wanted to talk to him a little more.”

Thanks to them, I wasn’t being a wallflower, but that didn’t change the fact that I felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest. It wouldn’t have been possible for the old me to come to this kind of gathering and talk to my upperclassmen. It would’ve taken everything I had to even find a place to stand.

I was supposed to have matured. To have become stronger, more competent. More capable of living like a normal person. But, then...why did I feel so empty inside? Even though I was surrounded by all these people, there was such a huge void left by the absence of one person.

“Hello there, Yume-kun. Job well done.”

“Oh, hello. You did a great job too, especially as the committee leader,” I replied to Kurenai-senpai as she sat next to me.

It was all so sudden that I couldn’t help but tense up. There were so many other people to speak to, so why had she chosen me? She didn’t even look at the snacks in front of her and kept staring right at me, smiling.

“Well, I won’t be the committee leader for too much longer.”

“Should I call you ‘vice president,’ then?”

“That’s coming to an end as well. You’ll need to call me ‘president’ soon enough,” the future student council president, Suzuri Kurenai, said with a chuckle.

Amazing. She didn’t have any doubts about becoming the student council president. I wished I could’ve become someone so filled with confidence, like her. I could only adopt these kinds of skills—I could never come close to the real deal.

After the festival officially concluded, I wouldn’t have any opportunities to interact with Kurenai-senpai. I’d just become another random student who looked up to her. Thinking about it like that made me feel a little sad.

“By the way, I haven’t seen your younger brother. Is he around?” Kurenai-senpai asked, looking next to me.

“No, he—”

Just as I began to repeat the same prepared explanation that I’d already said countless times today, she interrupted. “He really is that type of person, huh?” she muttered as if she were talking to herself. What does she mean by that? “I can’t help but feel responsible. I’d certainly considered it a possibility, but I thought it’d be better to interact with him than leave him alone.”

“U-Uh, wait. Slow down. I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

“Oh, apologies. I’m talking about when I asked you to try and involve him more with the rest of the group,” she remarked. “I could already tell from how he acted during the presentation that he wasn’t a big fan of groups. But being a lone wolf is detrimental to efficiency, and he is an exceptionally talented individual who I couldn’t bear to leave alone, so I had you try and bridge the gap. I suppose there was a chance that he was the type to easily succumb to loneliness, but it seems my first assumption was right, and being in a group causes him stress. It wasn’t right of me to try and force him to join an uncomfortable environment, especially when he wasn’t even getting paid to do so.”

“Senpai...you knew the entire time?” I only just realized. From the start, I’d been interpreting things to suit my own convenience, painting him as a secretly lonely person. But she...

“Oh, no. Not me.”

“Huh?”

She began smiling proudly. “It would seem that I am quite arrogant and clueless as to how others feel. I’m the type who thinks that it’s always faster if I do something myself. Unfortunately, despite this self-awareness, I’ve been unable to change.”

“Uh-huh...”

“That’s why I leave all that kind of stuff to Joe. He was the one who analyzed your little brother too, as part of his job.”

Joe? Haba-senpai? The treasurer? The guy with an unusually low presence who’s always with her? I glanced over to the corner of the room where he was sipping juice by himself. Kurenai-senpai looked at him too before continuing.

“He may be severely lacking in conversational skills, but in exchange, he’s an expert at observation. He’s unrivaled when it comes to identifying the strengths of others.” She sounded proud. I had no time to even nod before she continued. “Maybe that’s why he tends to undervalue himself so much. I’d say it’s his only flaw. When speaking about Mizuto Irido-kun, he said that it annoyed him how it was like looking at an improved version of himself. I wholeheartedly disagree with his evaluation, though.”

No, you should agree. Mizuto is way better than he. But I decided not to say that out loud. I had manners.

“Maybe that’s why I asked you to try and have your little brother become friends with the other committee members. I even felt a little sympathetic for Mizuto Irido-kun, since Joe is the type who is secretly lonely, deep down. I thought it was rare for Joe to be off the mark about his read on someone, so maybe if he thought that your little brother was the same as he...”

After listening to her speech, I began thinking about a certain possibility. Could Haba-senpai have been the one who wanted Mizuto to become friends with the other committee members through me? If that was the rare error he made, then maybe...

“Um...is it...”

“Hm?”

“Is it possible that he wanted to separate the two of you? You were talking to him quite a bit.”

“Huh...?” she tilted her head in confusion. It was the first time I saw her make this expression. “He wanted to separate me from whom?”

“Mizuto and you...or at least, that’s what I think.”

“Hmmm?”

I can tell you want more of an explanation, but please don’t make me spell it out for you! “What I mean is that...Haba-senpai thinks that Mizuto is a higher-spec version of him, right? How do you think he’d feel if that kind of guy suddenly appears out of nowhere, and you begin aggressively trying to interact with him? He’d feel anxious.”

“Anxious? Joe would? Why?”

“B-Because he’s jealous!” Argh, you’re making me embarrassed!

Kurenai-senpai’s head had yet to return to its upright position. “Jealous...?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Because of...me?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Ha ha ha... No way. Not a chance.”

God, you’re so annoying! “That’s definitely what’s happening here! Sure, he’s not exactly the expressive type, but his ears turned red when you two were in that empty classroom!”

“Hm? W-Wait a second.”

“Huh? Okay.”

“You...saw? You saw what happened in the classroom?”

“Oh...” Oh god. Oh no. How could I have been so careless?! “S-Sorry! I heard your voices just as I left the room.”

Kurenai-senpai turned away from me, hiding her face. “No, it’s okay. If anything, it was our fault for hiding there in the first place.” Then she returned to her usual self, but I noticed that her ears had turned red too, just like Haba-senpai’s had. “However, let me be clear: I am by no means that indecent of a girl! It’s just... It’s as if he never reacts to me, no matter what I do...”

She really is a girl. Well, I mean, of course she is, but still. It was surprising that someone this smart, hailed as a genius, could get this bashful. She was even aware of how embarrassing what she had done was. That meant she could only act that way in front of Haba-senpai.

“Um...could I ask you something, if you don’t mind too much?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you like Haba-senpai...romantically?”

Kurenai-senpai, still slightly flushed, turned around. “I never said that I liked him.”

“Well...okay, then. What makes you want to be with him?”

I won’t press her on liking him, but, uh, what other interpretation is there? Telling him you fell for him doesn’t really leave too much room for interpretation! She’d clearly articulated her ideals to him. There must’ve been a reason if all of that had just been an act she put on specifically for Haba-senpai, though. Maybe I was just trying to run away from reality. All I wanted right now was to listen to someone else talk about romance.

She tilted her glass a little, the ice almost completely melted. “There isn’t a big reason or anything. There was simply a guy lacking any presence, and a girl who, coincidentally, noticed how talented he was. The inexperienced and arrogant girl was seduced by said coincidence. The end.” “Inexperienced and arrogant”? Sounds like me. “I made a huge mistake in middle school, which was the result of me believing that I was perfect and always correct. I experienced what’s known as increased self-consciousness—completely normal for those at a young age. So I began searching for someone who could make up for that flaw of mine. It was then that I happened to find a certain introvert, by chance, who really let me have it. ‘What is wrong with you? I’m the type who’s just fine being left alone. Everyone but you understands that. How can you not understand that when you’re so smart?’ he’d said. Imagine my shock when, despite thinking that I was the only one who understood, I discovered I knew nothing at all. Even more shocking still was the fact that I could be shocked. It felt like I’d been pierced through the softest part of my heart.”

“But...even after all of that, you didn’t distance yourself from him?”

“Of course not! I was infuriated! How could such an asocial person snap at me?! But also...I could tell this was the peer that I was looking for. So, I decided I’d get him in my clutches, even if that meant resorting to seduction.” Her eyes moved right to Haba-senpai.

It was easy for anyone to lose track of a person with as faint a presence as his in a crowded room like this, but not Kurenai-senpai. Her eyes practically homed in on him. She found him in an instant, as she always did. No matter how many people were around, she would never lose sight of him.

“It’s truly infuriating. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who never notices me looking at them.”

I giggled a little at her pouting. Sitting right here wasn’t a second-year or a genius, but a girl troubled by her first love.

“I can’t believe I spoke about such embarrassing things in front of my underclassman!” she exclaimed, angrily gulping down her drink.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone goes through stuff like this.”

“In that case, I truly respect the human race.”

I can’t agree more. There wasn’t a single perfect person in this world. The fact that someone this smart and capable was still this flawed was proof of that. But knowing these flaws wouldn’t help you get closer to someone, not even your ex.

“Oh, looks like they’re about to start!” someone exclaimed as they looked out the window.

Many crowded around to watch, while others rushed out to the courtyard. The windows turned a light red. The bonfire must have been lit.

“Why don’t you go with Haba-senpai?” I asked while looking at the window. “He’s actually a lonely guy, right?”

“Yume-kun, are you perhaps looking down on me all of a sudden?”

“Oh no, don’t interpret it like that. Take it as a sign of how close we’re getting.”

Kurenai-senpai sighed and stood up. “Well, I suppose it isn’t too bad to have an underclassman like you.”

“Huh?”

“To be honest, I didn’t strike up a conversation with you to talk about romance.” She gave me a serious look before continuing. “Yume-kun, I’ve a favor to ask of you as the next student council president.”

As soon as I heard her “favor” I realized that my destiny had already changed, long ago.

Mizuto Irido

“Wow!” After exiting through the door and looking around, Isana turned her gaze to the night sky. The autumn breeze blew past us. We were on the roof of the school—a place far from the noise, the lights, and the people. “This is my first time up here. I had no idea it even existed.”

“Yeah, it’s usually locked, but they’ve apparently been allowing committee members up here. I kinda wandered here in the morning and thought it’d be possible to see the bonfire.”

Looking down through the fence, you could easily see the freshly lit bonfire in the middle of the courtyard. The flames danced as the wood crackled.

“It may look small from up here, but it’s quiet, right? Also, we won’t have to worry about being the subject of any weird rumors.”

“That’s true. I feel much more comfortable up here. Heh heh! They look like ants.”

“You’re certainly excited.”

It might have been quiet up here, but in exchange, it was cold. To make up for that, I’d bought cans of hot milk tea and hot coffee from a vending machine.

“Here,” I said, handing her a can.

“Thank you.”

She pulled back the tab and then began sipping, letting the warmth seep into her hands. I opened my can too, and began drinking while looking at the courtyard below. There was a crowd of people around the fire. They didn’t really look like ants from up here, but it was hard to distinguish each of them individually.

“The cultural festival was fairly entertaining,” she mused. “This may be the first time that I’ve properly enjoyed it.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Hm, how do I explain...? Though I may not have personally partaken in the activities, I still found enjoyment in observing the liveliness of the festival.”

“It’s crazy how on the same page we are.”

To be honest, if it wasn’t for the forced cooperation, I probably wouldn’t have had any negative feelings towards the cultural festival. It was fun to see a different atmosphere envelop the school. I highly doubted that others would’ve been too accepting of the idea of me standing on the side, watching them like animals in a zoo, though.

“What’d you do in middle school?” I asked.

“I mostly remained in my classroom and read light novels. What about you?”

“Yeah, I read books in my classroom too. I think I was reading Kyusaku Yumeno back then.”

“Oh, last year I was reading a web novel that’s yet to receive a physical release.”

“That still counts as a light novel in your world, right?”

“Indeed.” She nodded. “I wonder why the cultural festival makes me want to reread books rather than read something new.”

“No clue. Maybe it’s so you don’t lose sight of yourself in the changing environment.”

“Also, I wonder why it makes me want to read something niche and edgy. Do you know why?”

“Why would I? Maybe it’s your small way of asserting yourself?”

“But even if you read a web novel on your phone, nobody can really tell what you’re doing anyway. It’s strange, isn’t it?”

I began thinking back to last year’s cultural festival. Was that when I had read Kyusaku Yumeno? No, it couldn’t have been. After all, just seeing the “Yume” part of his name made me feel self-conscious. It had to have been the year before that, my second year of middle school. When I started dating her.

Since we’d decided to hide that we were dating, we didn’t even consider going around the festival together. But, honestly, I’d hoped to spend that time together with the first girlfriend of my life. Deep down, I must have admired that kind of couple’s activity. Maybe my choice of author had been my own small way of asserting myself. Maybe the reason that I’d picked a book with the words “Kyusaku Yumeno” boldly printed on the cover for everyone to see was—

“By the way,” Isana asked, breaking my train of thought. “When will Yume-san be arriving?”

Her question made me freeze, but I wasn’t sure why. Oh, I see. This isn’t a weird question for Isana. I’d never said it’d just be the two of us. She must’ve thought that Yume would be here, since we’d gone around the festival together. But still, why did it feel like she’d struck a nerve?

“I forgot to mention, but she’s not coming. She’s at the committee members’ wrap party.”

“Oh, I see. Hm...” Isana looked down at her can as she mulled over what she wanted to say. But it seemed like she gave up because she kept her mouth shut.

I already knew what was on the tip of her tongue. “Did you want to ask why I’m not there with her?”

“Yes, but...I put myself in your shoes, and I doubt I would’ve attended either. It doesn’t seem very enjoyable.”

She really gets me. I couldn’t have been more thankful that I’d met Isana despite being in different classes. I’d gotten incredibly lucky, but—

Before I could finish my thought, Isana continued. “However, don’t you think Yume-san is lonely?”

As lucky as I was, she was also my greatest challenge. She understood me better than anyone else did and shared my feelings. I couldn’t hide anything from her. Not too long ago, she may have been more reserved with her opinions, but I’d recently proven to her that she and I really weren’t all too different. She didn’t need to hold back around me, and she knew that.

“Knowing her, I’ve no doubt that she is doing well in the company of the other committee members, and I’m certain she is enjoying her time at the celebration. However...it must be lonely for her if the individual she wishes to be with most isn’t present.”

“And that’s me?”

“Shouldn’t you know better than anyone? You simply don’t wish to recognize it.”

She might be right. But also, she might be wrong. Still, though... “So what? You want me to go somewhere I don’t even want to be and leave you by yourself?”

“Do you not wish to?”

“Of course not. Just so you know, I treasure you quite a bit.”

“Heh heh. That makes me so happy,” Isana pressed her lips to the can. “However, I believe she would prefer to be with you—the person she’s worked hard with over the past few weeks. This is, of course, nothing more than my own assumption, though.”

“Even if that’s true...” The black of the night sky was slightly tinged red by the flames below. “I think it’s best if she learns to overcome that loneliness.”

Yume Irido

Ultimately, I ended up in the courtyard, just like the other committee members, only alone and in the back of the crowd. The red flames of the bonfire rose, the embers twinkling like stars as they danced in the air.

A familiar face caught my eye as I silently watched the fire burn. It was Akatsuki-san.

“A—” Just as I went to call out to her, I noticed Kawanami-kun next to her and stopped myself.

They seemed to be talking about something. They weren’t holding hands or anything, but they were close enough that they could probably faintly feel the warmth of the other’s body and breath. Their eyes met as they spoke, but when the conversation ended, they went back to the flames.

But I could tell from where I was standing that when Kawanami-kun was looking at the fire, Akatsuki-san’s gaze was on him, and vice versa. Reflected in their eyes was the side profile of the other, reddened by the light of the fire.

Mizuto Irido

“So, you believe that your decision is concurrent with what is best for Yume-san?” Isana’s question was so direct that it left no wiggle room. All I could do was honestly nod, affirming her inquiry.

“She and I are fundamentally different people,” I said as I watched the embers flicker in the wind. “We only look compatible. We both like books, but the genres we like are completely different. Not to mention, back then, she wasn’t alone by choice like I was. It’s only natural that we’d eventually fall into different groups of people as she grew. We’re just two people who happened to temporarily be in the same place at the same time. Completely coincidental.”

This was something I’d probably already realized a year ago but desperately didn’t want to admit. No matter how tough things got, I had no intention of changing who I was.

“You know how protagonists usually mature in stories? Maybe they start out as a loner but gain lots of friends, or maybe they’re looked down on as incompetent, but end up standing at the top—either way, I could never identify with them. What they considered to be maturity and growth was actually nothing more than them destroying who they’d been. Do I want friends so badly that I’d destroy myself in the process? Do I want to stand at the top? If that’s what people consider growth, then what does that make me, someone who’s completely satisfied being friendless? What does that mean for me when I’m fine being at the bottom? Is growth really that necessary?”

There was no part of me that I could bring myself to destroy. No part that I wanted to grow. I’d thought this through many, many times, and I had no ideals, no goals. All that had ever come to mind were things I shouldn’t strive to be, but nothing I felt I should actively pursue. Most people might want to write after reading a lot of books, but not me. I knew I couldn’t produce anything. I was nothing but a patchwork human, put together using the lives of others that I’d pilfered from the books I’d read.

How was someone expected to level up when they didn’t even have a level to begin with? So many books depict growth, but they never include the kinds of people who don’t have the ability to grow in the first place. Instead, they ignore them and make it seem as if anyone is capable of growth. It’d be great if they’d recognize that there are those who are not among that number.

“I’ve always been like this,” I continued. “I can get better at things, but I don’t grow as a person. No matter what happens, I can’t change who I am, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Over the past six months, I’ve come to realize that this is just how I was born.”

After realizing that I felt fine even if I didn’t do anything for my birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day, it had become so clear that Ayai and I were different.

“I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t feel inferior by any means either. I’m just different. You get what I mean, don’t you, Isana? People who don’t care about maturing exist, and there will never be an understanding between us and the other type, because we’re different at our cores.”

“Yes, I understand.” Isana decisively nodded. I felt so relieved from her agreeing with me. “I too was quite hurt by how others couldn’t understand that I was simply different—that is, until I met you...”

“Right? So—”

“However,” Isana interrupted and looked straight into my eyes, stopping me from saying another word. “Please hear me out. I agree that you and Yume-san are different. Her thought process, her lifestyle, her comprehension—everything about her is different from you on a fundamental level. If you were to follow my mother’s advice, which is that only those who are similar should get married, then you and Yume-san should never tie the knot. That being said...it doesn’t mean that you are forbidden from falling in love with her.”

“Why not?”

“For instance, if either you or Yume-san possessed the kind of rigid personality that made you unable to understand others, then, yes, there would be no chance of your relationship working out. Consider this, though: heterosexual people and homosexual people can still be friends, can’t they? They may not fall in love with the same kind of people, but they can understand each other. Am I wrong?”

“No...you’re not.”

In my case, that would be like how Yume likes mystery novels way more than I do. Despite that, I never had any trouble listening to her talk about them. I may have had difficulties sharing her excitement for them, but spending that time with her didn’t feel like a...

“Regardless of where you were born, what environment you grew up in, how you think or live—people who are completely different can still fall in love. There are, no doubt, countless examples in the world. I’m sure they’ve even appeared in many of the books you’ve read. Despite that, how could you think that it’s not possible for you?”

I had no response. Sheesh, Isana, you’re completely right. She hit the nail on the head, driving home the fact that she was Natora-san’s daughter. That’s exactly why I understood that I could not be convinced by reasonable arguments. I was too twisted.

“Tell me, Isana, what does ‘love’ mean?” This was most definitely a question I’d been hiding from myself. “You say that people who are completely different can fall in love, but is that possible for a person who doesn’t even know what ‘love’ is?”

Yume Irido

I sat down on a bench in the corner of the courtyard and gazed at the students who were living it up around the bonfire. Akatsuki-san and Kawanami-kun were there—Kurenai-senpai and Haba-senpai too. As they happily chatted away, their eyes went back and forth between focusing on the rising flames and the person next to them.

Mizuto Irido

None of it had been fake. Both the time that I’d spent with Ayai and the feelings I’d held for her had been real. But even so, I’d spent half a year irritated with the person I was supposed to have loved. It’d gotten to the point where it hurt to even look at her. That time was more than enough for me to become confused about the feelings that I’d been so sure of in the past.

I looked down at the bonfire and the students gathered around it. “Honestly, I’m not sure even you would understand what I’m going through. I feel like an idiot. Like, what was I even doing up until now? Whatever it was, it feels so completely and utterly stupid. As soon as someone gets this way, though, it’s over. It’s too late. Nothing makes sense anymore. I can’t help but doubt my feelings. Were they real or just some kind of flight of fancy?”

The more I thought about it the more lost I felt. I was going in circles. It wasn’t about understanding or being understood. I simply had no clue who I was as a person.

“Do you have an answer, Isana? Could you explain what this ‘love’ that everyone babbles on about is?”

There was no way she could. That’s why I’d said it, but Isana looked up to the sky and began seriously thinking. “Allow me to explain from my perspective.”

“Huh?”

I’d forgotten that though we were cut from the same cloth, we weren’t even close to being the same person.

“I’m going to begin going over how I realized I liked you, Mizuto-kun. By the way...this will be extremely embarrassing, so I ask that you refrain from pressing me any further on the matter.” I shut my mouth and watched as Isana, who was still looking into the sky, continued. “It wasn’t until Yume-san and Minami-san pointed it out to me that I truly realized my feelings for you. After that, it dawned on me that I certainly did want to go on dates and do dirty things with you. But more than that, the deeper I thought about everything, the more that something that surpassed all of that, and that was your face. More specifically, your profile. I was surprised to find how well I knew what you look like from the side, perhaps from the times I watched you read in the library or when we walked home together. I realized just how much my eyes had been focused on your face when it wasn’t even turned towards me.”

I saw her nervous face as she stared right at the camera while wearing the Taisho Roman outfit that suited her so well. I saw her working late into the night at her desk on our class’s proposal. 

I saw the serious look she had on as she glared at the computer screen as data began populating. I saw her comfortably speaking with our upperclassman while holding posters. I saw her chuckle at me when we held hands in the haunted house. I saw her face slightly twist in pain when she stopped walking for a split second.

“So, as simple as it may seem...I believe that the person you love is the one whose side profile you find yourself looking at the most.”

Yume Irido

I began thinking about all the times that I’d seen Mizuto’s side profile today.

I saw him looking down at the courtyard from the roof. In the haunted house, despite how dark it was, I could tell that his ears turned red during our hug. He examined my shoe bite with an unconcerned look on his face. He actually smiled while perfectly serving customers. It looked so genuine that his usual scowl seemed like a lie.

I might have misinterpreted some of it, but either way, these things had objectively all happened.

He frowned a little when he had to deal with Madoka-san. He seemed a little frustrated when he saw Higashira-san’s cosplay. He seemed calm and collected as we went through the escape room puzzles.

Mizuto Irido

I saw her continue to diligently serve customers despite how busy she got. I saw her look at Chikuma as if she were his real sister. I saw her furrowed brow as she stared at the puzzles in the escape room.

Memory after memory gushed out in surging waves. I remember. I remember each and every time, even if I hadn’t intended to commit them to memory. I didn’t intentionally look at her, but I did. But somehow—unnecessarily and arbitrarily—I’d been looking at her so much. I felt dizzy. My vision was going black. What should I do? What was I supposed to do?! I had no clue. How could I? After all, I hadn’t consciously done anything.

“By the way, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Isana asked suddenly as she leaned back against the fence. “Who confessed to whom in middle school?”

I smiled bitterly, as if to mock myself. “You really think I would confess to anyone?”

“Then what about who invited who out on your first date?”

“She did.”

“What about your first kiss?”

“She initiated it.”

“What about your first tim—”

“That never happened, and you know it.” Though, technically, we’d tried, but it didn’t work out. I’d been the one to create the situation but I’d also been the one who failed to follow through. “I guess I’ve always been passive,” I reflected. “I’m never the one to start things. All I did was reap the benefits of her hard work. I just enjoyed the situations she handed to me. Even when things got rough between the two of us, she very nearly brought things back to normal. In contrast...I couldn’t do anything.”

It was a long string of self-hate. I couldn’t accept who I was. I couldn’t forgive how the world enabled me to be this way. More than anything, I couldn’t forgive myself for getting her involved in my self-hate. Thinking about it now, I’d been relying on her.

I’d been relying on her efforts. I’d been relying on her kindness. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t accept when she was nice to other people, even if they were just friends. For the entire year and a half we dated, I hadn’t contributed or accomplished anything as Yume Ayai’s boyfriend.

“I see. In that case, may I ask one more question?” She sounded like a detective in a TV show. “Who initiated the first conversation?”

“Do you like mystery novels?” I’d said. I would never forget that.

It was simultaneously the memory I loathed the most and the one that I could never bring myself to forget. It was the trap that a higher being had set. It was the moment that destiny had reared its ugly head—the moment that I was shown a dream.

How could I forget? I remember. I remember now. No matter how much of a coincidence it may have been, the person who started everything off was...

“It was me...”

It was me. I did that. It’d been my only contribution. Even if I hadn’t been able to do anything else, I’d at least done that.

“Heh heh heh. Just like with me!” Isana said, happy for some reason. “In that case, I got rather close. If I’d met you before Yume-san did, then perhaps we would have dated.”

I forced down whatever emotions were trying to come out. This entire time I’d thought I had failed. That entire year and a half had become a forlorn failure in my mind. I’d thought my stupid overpossessiveness ruined the courage you mustered up to confess, your growth, and our happiness.

But without those few words I’d said to you, none of that would’ve happened. I’d probably never have come to this school or met Isana. We’d probably have become stepsiblings without really knowing each other. The reason things didn’t turn out like that—the only reason that I was able to have this warm conversation with a friend, to remember your side profile, to be so happy beyond my wildest belief—was all because I spoke to you.

That was the one thing that even I’d been able to do. I fought back the feelings welling up inside me while looking through the fence. There were so many people down there, it was impossible to tell who was who, but even so, I found the side profile of the person I knew better than anyone in this world.

“Isana...” I could only say this because she was my best friend. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Heh heh. I look forward to it!”

And with that, I left the roof. I wasn’t going there to tell her something I couldn’t have said before. This time, I was going to tell her something I needed to.

Yume Irido

The flames that had been so large not too long ago were beginning to die down, signaling the end of both the cultural festival and the past few weeks we’d spent preparing for it. Huh, this might be the first time I worked on and completed a job as big and important as this. I started to feel more relaxed after thinking that.

It was still too early for me to loosen up and feel accomplished, though. Sure, the plan for the rest of the day was to keep the party going at a different venue, but technically, we weren’t done here yet. We still had to clean everything up.

I needed to refocus myself. All I was accomplishing by staying here was freezing my butt off. I needed to get moving so I wasn’t late to meet up with the rest of the group. But suddenly, I heard footsteps that slowly approached before stopping right next to me. Then, I felt someone sit on the bench next to me, so close that we were almost touching.

He moved his hand closer to mine as if to fill that space. I followed suit and moved mine next to his. If we continued, our hands would be on top of each other. But all I felt was the cold surface of the bench. We’re always keeping ourselves at this distance, aren’t we? It’ll probably always be like this. And then...the tips of our pinkies touched—just a little. It wasn’t enough to feel the warmth from his body, but still, we were touching. And neither of us retreated. We kept our pinkies just like that.

“You sure took your time. The fire’s almost out,” I said.

“What’s fun about watching a stupid fire? I’m only here because...I have an assignment to complete,” he said in his usual curt tone.

Most likely it was the mask he used when talking to me. If my guess was right though, he wasn’t doing a great job at maintaining it.

“Thanks,” he said clearly.

Usually that wasn’t a word he’d ever genuinely say to me. “For...what?”

“For all sorts of things. You’ve been considerate to me during our festival committee work and at home too. Also...Yuni-san told me to thank you directly.”

“Mom did?”

“Yeah, when you took care of me when I was sick, she told me to thank you, not her.”

I blinked a little in a daze before reflexively turning to look at him. His side profile was bathed in the shade of the darkening night sky.

“Aren’t you kinda...a month late?”

“So?”

“You really didn’t want to thank me that badly?”

It’s just one word. Six letters. How hard could it have been? Why did it take so much mental preparation?

I moved on to another topic. “Didn’t you hate how pushy I was, trying to get you to interact with the committee members?”

“I’m ignoring the results and focusing on the efforts themselves. I’ve started to realize that all this time I’ve had so much trouble saying that one word.”

Thinking about it differently, this was a word that he’d spent an entire month trying to find the right time to say. With that in mind, I guess I should be happy that he came here with the determination to thank me.

“I should thank you. You helped me a lot on the committee, and you helped me when I got sick earlier in the year too. We’re even.”

“Yeah... So that’s why from now on, I won’t put off thanking you.”

That’s when I realized something. It was only something I could’ve noticed as someone who’d seen his side profile so many times until now. His lips seemed tense. He was nervous.

“Is it okay if I ask something kinda selfish?” His pinky overlapped with mine ever so slightly.

“Sure. What is it?”

“After this...” He gulped and licked his dry lips before shifting his gaze slightly towards the ground and practically squeezing the next words out of his throat. “Instead of going to the party, would you come back home with me?”

Before I knew it, I was smiling, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Regardless, I felt like this was something to be really happy about. Honestly, I probably should have been ecstatically screaming about it. But I wasn’t that immature. I’d grown. I pursed my lips before smiling, feigning composure.

“Oh, fine. I guess I can. Just this once, okay?”

Mizuto shortly exhaled, his tense lips loosening with relief. Then, for the first time, he looked at me and said, “Thanks...”

Today wasn’t just the day of our cultural festival. It was hard to put a name on it, but it was a very, very special day that needed to be commemorated.

Mizuto Irido

Our shadows stretched as the headlights from cars passed by. For some reason, the road home felt different. Maybe it was because it was night, or maybe there was another reason at play. It could’ve been a completely ordinary phenomenon by which everything began to look new.

“There was a lot going on, but it was fun, don’t you think?” Yume whispered in the same satisfied tone as if she’d eaten a filling meal. “I never ended up joining a club, but I wonder if they give the same kinda vibe—y’know, cooperating and working with others.”

“No clue. All I know is that I’m dead tired.”

“Yeah, you worked hard. You should go ahead and enjoy your alone time to your heart’s content.”

I looked at her as she giggled. The hair hanging over her temples cast a shadow across her cheek. Even though she’d spent the entire day working, I didn’t see a trace of fatigue. I’d always thought that I’d been seeing her side profile from far away, but it’d just been the result of a wall that didn’t even exist. But now I knew that all I had to do was reach out and she’d be right there.

Yume made a sound of surprise and looked down at her hand, which I’d taken into my own.

“Wh-What are you—”

“It’s dark. Wouldn’t want you to get lost.”

“That’s what you do when you’re in a crowd!” Though she raised her voice, it didn’t seem like she had any intention of letting go.

That’s all it took. With just that small gesture, I was so relieved that I almost wanted to shout. God, I’m such an annoying guy. I couldn’t believe how much of a wimp I was, but I wasn’t scared anymore. I was ready to fight myself.

“Hey...” Yume called out, looking up at me curiously, while still holding my hand.

“Hm?”

“Can I ask for your advice?”

“About what?”

“Well...Kurenai-senpai asked me for a favor.”

“A favor?”

“Yeah.” I played it off cool while getting ready to listen to her. I could sense how much courage she’d had to work up to ask me this.

She stared at the familiar sky before saying the words that definitively proved that the two of us were different. “She wants me to join the student council.”

Yeah... I was surprised by how unsurprised I was. The current student council member lineup was ending with the cultural festival. Apparently, Kurenai-senpai had basically been training to be the next student council president when she acted as the head of the committee. In that case, it was only natural that she would be looking for potential new members in the committee. She must’ve determined that Yume fit the bill.

“What...do you think?” Yume asked, looking at me.

I could already see her answer in her eyes, so all I could do was give her a push. “You want to give it a shot, don’t you?”

Yume paused. “Yeah.”

“Then go for it. What’s there to think about?”

“Yeah...” she said, slowly facing forward.

“By the way...what if she wanted you to join too?”

“I’d refuse. Not my style.”

The biggest problem was that Kurenai-senpai would be there. She might have been hiding it well, but she was definitely the same type of person as Isana and I. I doubted she wanted someone the same as her to take over.

“I see...” she said, practically sighing.

It made me kinda happy. This might’ve all been in my head, but I couldn’t help but feel that Yume worried about the same sort of stuff as I did.

That’s why I could continue squeezing her hand and say what I did next. “Are you gonna be okay all by yourself?” I asked, smiling at her in the same kind of teasing way that she’d subjected me to ever since the fireworks.

Yume glanced at me, her lips turning to a frown as if she were pouting. “Don’t treat me like a kid! I’ll admit that there was a learning curve for the festival committee, but it was my first time handling anything like that. I’ll be fine.”

“Really? Well, I hope so.”

“I’ll be fine!” she reiterated.

Yeah, you’ll be fine. Everything was gonna be fine. After all, I knew that I could always reach out to you. I knew that if I squeezed your hand, you’d squeeze it back. Even if our thinking, lifestyle, and perception changed—even if we became entirely different people and went down completely different paths in life, I wasn’t going to let go of your hand. I don’t want to.