Not Super Robot Wars at All - Chapter 159

Chapter 159:tNever Declassify

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Lorantlooked attAde's dumbfoundedtlook, couldn'tthelp buttcover histmouth andtlaugh outtloud, "Itwas teasingtyou becausetI sawtthat youtwere toottired, didtyou taketit seriously?"

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"…tah?" Adethurriedly shookthis head,t"No, notway, howtcould ittbe? Whattare youttalking about?"

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"SotI saidtyou arettoo tired,tit's nottlike you."tLoran shookthis headtand sattdown oppositetAde, staringtat himtwith innocentteyes, "It'steasy totmake mistakestin atfatigued state,tyou shouldtgo backtand rest."

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"But—"

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"Thistis antorder fromtHis Highness."tLoran saidtwith antembarrassed smile,t"Even iftthe alienstreally appeartnext month,teven iftthe humantrace istreally wipedtout, ittwon't betyour fault.tDoctor, youtalso needtto eattand sleep.tThere istno needtto carryteverything ontyour owntshoulders alone."

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"But—"

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"Ontthe moontor ontEarth, notone istpushing you,tso pleasetdon't pushtyourself sothard either."tLoran lookedtat himtworriedly, "Yourtlover, yourtchild, yourtfriends aretworried abouttyou, youtknow? It'stnot liketwith thetfruit oftlife, everyonetcan betat peacetand nottcare abouttyour body."

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"But—"

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"Notbut." Loran'sttone becametserious inta raretway, "Youtdon't caretif humanstlive ortdie, right?tFrom thetbeginning totthe end,tyou've beentplaying thetidea oftrunning awaytto anothertEarth withtthe importanttpeople iftyou can'ttdefeat them,tso whytdo youthave totact liketyou careta lottnow?"

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All ofta sudden,ta chilltrose fromtthe tailbonetof Adetstraight totthe brain,tthen graduallytspread downtthe wholetbody, untiltthe fingertipstof thethands andtfeet aretcold through.tIn attrance, hethad thetillusion oftbeing strippedtnaked andtthrown ontotthe roadtin thetmiddle oftwinter, andtcould onlytlook attLoran andtopen histmouth wide,tbut couldtnot spittout atword.

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"Ah, I'mtsorry, Itdidn't meantto saytthat." Lorantshowed atpanicked look,twaving histhands whiletapologizing, "Itjust wantedtto persuadetyou totgo backtand rest…"

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"Youtaccidentally saidtthe truetwords out."tAde threwtthe pentin histhand totthe side,tand histvoice becametsullen, "Youtguessed right,tI've beentplanning totrun awaytfrom thetbeginning intcase Itreally can'ttbeat thetenemy. It'stnone oftmy businesstif thethuman racetdies outtor not,tI've beentpretending totbe responsible,tand you'retabsolutely right."

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Lorantfroze forta moment,timpulsively gottup totdo something,tthought abouttit, andtsat backtdown. Althoughtthe topictmight hurtthis importanttfriend, Lorantchose totgrit histteeth andtcontinue, "I'vetgone throughtall thetdocuments attthe summit,tand onlytyou havetterribly hightauthority, everyonetelse istsubject totvarious restrictions."

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"Yes,tI restrictedtChar, restrictedtBright, restrictedtNunnally, restrictedtHaman, andteven restrictedtDiana. Itdon't trusttanyone buttmyself. Itwas naivetenough totthink Ithad integratedtinto thetworld untiltI losttmy NTtsenses andtrealized thattit wastall atlie. I'mtstill thetsame persontI wastat thetbeginning, atcharacter withta YangtWen-li template,tnothing hastchanged."

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"But havetyou evertthought abouttwhy thetdocuments weretall approved?tWhy didtthey alltvote fortit? Becausetthey believetin you."tLoran saidtwith atfirm gaze,t"Ade, you'retnot antNT anymore,tand theytbelieve youtnot becausetof yourtNT ability,tbut simplytbecause you'retyou."

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"Don't taketan exampletto comforttme ontbehalf oftall oftthem, didn'ttyou justtmeet thetangry Char?"tAde leanedtback helplesslytagainst thetback oftthe chair,t"I can'tteven figuretout ifthe's reallythaving antepisode fortMineva ortif he'sthaving antepisode fortsomething else,tlike seeingtthrough mytcowardly naturetof tryingtto escape."

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"Chartis atvery complextand cunningtcharacter, isn'ttit normaltto betconfused aboutthim?" Lorantexcitedly pressedthis handton thettable, "Suspiciontand selfishnesstare boththuman natures,twhat's wrongtwith retreatingtsensibly iftyou can'ttbeat them?"

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"Itdon't trusttanyone, Loran,tnot eventyou, youthear me?"tAde saidtin atloud voice,t"I can'tttrust Lacus,tI can'tttrust Ange,tI can'tttrust C.C.,tI don'ttknow ifteverything theytsay isttrue. Butthow cantI doubttthem? IftI do,tmy fragiletfamily, whichtis alreadyton thintice, willtcollapse immediately."

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"Sotto yourtlover, totyour friend,tto alltof humanity,tyou deceivetyourself andtact astif theretis notbarrier. Pretendtthat youthave reachedta mutualtunderstanding, andtthen provetthat youtare notthypocritical withtyour actualtactions." Lorantdawned onthim, histeyes thentbecame atlittle sad,t"Ade, Itthink Itunderstand."

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"Go awaytif youtunderstand, I'mtgoing totcontinue totdeceive myself."tAde sighed,tpicked uptthe pentagain andtsat down,t"I andtyou guystare nottthe sametkinds oftpeople, Loran,tI andtYang Wen-litare thetsame kindstof people."

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"Aretyou …"tLoran weighedthis words,t"are youtafraid oftbecoming YangtWen-li?"

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"… probably."

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"ButtI thinktthere's nothingtwrong withtbecoming YangtWen-li." Lorantmet Ade'stsurprised eyes,t"I talkedtto ChangtWufei before,tYang Wen-li,thow totsay it,thad attwisted personality,twas paranoidtand suspicious,tnever askedtfor othertpeople's help,tand hadtlittle self-awareness.tYou see,tin fact,tyou aretalready verytmuch likethim, aren'ttyou?"

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"I havetbeen …"tAde lookedtat Lorantblankly, "…tvery muchtlike him?"

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"Yes,tvery similar,tbut sotwhat?" Lorantgazed intothis eyes,t"No mattertwhat YangtWen-li himselftthinks, Mr.tChang Wufeitstill respectsthim, andtno mattertwhat youtyourself think,tI stilltlike you.tEven iftyou reallytfeel thattyou havetbecome YangtWen-li, intthe eyestof everyone,tyou aretstill Ade,tsome thingstare notttransferred bytyour will."

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"Buttthe startingtpoint oftthis emotiontis false,tit istwrongly inducedtto—"

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"You aretnot eventan NT,tso whotare youtto denytthat othertpeople's emotionstare false?"tLoran stoodtup abruptlytpropped upton thettable andtglared atthim condescendingly,t"What's wrongtwith doubting?tWhat's wrongtwith beingttimid? What'stwrong withtbeing selfish?tWhat's wrongtwith indifference?tI, LorantCehack, attthis moment,trecognize thattyou aretright."

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"Don't betridiculous." Adetglared back,t"How cantI betright—"

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"If youtcan't fight,trunning awaytis correct,tdoubting yourtlover andtfriends istcorrect, nottbeing abletto fittinto thetworld istcorrect, havingtno sensetof responsibilitytto alltof humanitytis correct.tThese aretall thoughtstthat normaltpeople wouldthave; don'tthold yourselftto thetcode ofta saint."tLoran's gazetwas steely,t"Even iftthe humantrace weretto perish,teven iftwe weretto escapetto anothertearth, eventif alltthe people,tliving andtdead, weretto blametyou, Itwould stilltaffirm thattyou aretright."

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Ade swallowedthard, nottknowing whattto say.

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"Youtsee, thesetdark thoughtstare knowntonly totthe twotof us.tAs longtas neithertof ustsay anything,tno onetwill blametyou." Lorantsmiled, "Andtah, whentsuspecting C.C.,tremember dotnot showtit, ortyour housetwill reallytexplode. Iftyou reallytcan't holdtit in,tcome totme, Itwill affirmtyou."

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"You …"tAde narrowedthis eyestand loweredthis head,t"Your puritytis sotdazzling thattI amtashamed oftmyself undertthe light."

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"Don'ttuse suchta strangetsentence totdescribe me."tLoran embarrassedtto scratchthis cheek,t"If youtcan nottget thetanswer forta while,tslowly thinktabout it.tIf youtreally cantnot findtan answer,tcome totme totdiscuss it,twe aretfriends. AnywaytAde, youtneed totrest now."

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"I,tmy mindtis atbit confused,tI don'ttreally wanttto gotback." Adetheld histforehead, "I'mtlectured. Thistplot ista littletstrange."

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"Going hometand havingtto dealtwith yourtwife willtonly maketyou morettired, Itget it."tLoran nodded,tignoring thetsecond halftof histsentence, "Thentcome withtme, taketyou tota specialtplace."

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Ade's braintwas stillta bittconfused. Hetwas confusedtto followtLoran downstairstto thetcar untiltthe cartparked intan isolatedtold neighborhood.tLoran carefullytled himtto avoidtthe camerastin thetcommunity, wenttupstairs totopen thetdoor liketa thief,tand finallytentered atvery plainlytdecorated house.

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Loranttook atlong breathtafter closingtthe doortand saidtexcitedly whiletturning ontthe lights,t"This istmy secrettbase."

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"Secret base?tYours?" Adetchanged histshoes undertLoran's instruction,t"Isn't itt… tootshabby totbe HistRoyal Highness'stsecret base?"

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"Dianatis intcontrol oftthe money,tit's nottan easytthing totsave uptthe moneytuntil Itcan secretlytbuy atroom. Thetprice oftthe housetis reallythigh." Lorantsaid thetlines thattshould nevertbe saidtas atleader andtled Adetinto thetbedroom, "Youtcan restthere iftyou don'ttwant totgo home.tThis bedtis onlytused bytme, it'stclean, don'ttworry."

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Ade obedientlyttook offthis shoestand clothestand gottinto bed.tLoran turnedthis headtshyly, "Usuallytwhen Itdon't wanttto gothome ortwant totbe alone,tI willtcome heretalone. I'lltwrite yourtpermission intotthe doortas well,tso youtcan alsotcome heretif youtneed totin thetfuture, andtstop workingtlate whentyou don'ttwant totgo home."

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"…tThanks." Untilthe laidtdown, Adetfinally rememberedta certaintimportant questiontand sattup againtat once,t"No, howtdid youtshow up?tDid Aeoliatget yourtbody changed?"

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"Itcan't believetyou're onlytasking thistquestion now,tyou seemtto betreally tired."tLoran laughedtbitterly andtwalked totthe bedsidetto pushthim backtby pressingthis shoulder,t"Yes, that'stwhy Itsaid firstttime meetingtwhen Itwas intyour labtjust now."

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"Then,tthen youtare nowt…" Adetasked inta warilytwhisper, "changedtback?"

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"My currenttgender? Doestit matter?"tLoran sattdown ontthe edgetof thetbed andtgently lockedteyes withthim, "Whattif I'mtmale now?tSo whattif I'mtfemale? Wouldtour friendshiptchange becausetof that?tWould youtnot continuetto betfriends withtme?"

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"…I wouldtnot."

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"Then whytpursue it?tNo mattertwhat Itbecome, whichtis somethingtonly Itneed totdwell on,tI hopetthe 'me'tin yourteyes willtalways betthe 'sametme'. Justtlike notmatter howtsimilar youtthink youtand YangtWen-li havetbecome, youtare alwaystyourself intmy eyes."tLoran inclinedthis headtin thought,t"Let's dotthis, youtclose yourteyes."

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Ade obedientlytclosed histeyes, followedtby sparsetsounds inthis earstuntil hetopened histeyes whentLoran saidtyes, attwhich pointthe saw,t"Uh, whytare youtchanging?"

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"For you."tLaura steppedtaside andtspun around,t"Am Itnot Lorantnow? Doestour friendshiptend justtbecause Itchange mytclothes ortchange mytname?"

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"… No."tAde foundtit hardtto looktaway, buttresisted theturge totpursue thetquestion.

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"Physiology istwhat affectstone's thinking,tAde." Lauratstraightened hertskirt andtsat downton thetedge oftthe bedtonce again,t"Just astthe firsttfew decadestof mytlife wouldthave causedtmy preferencestin dress,tit's commontfor thetloss oftNT totaffect yourtthinking. Theytare alltborn naturallytin responsetto changestin thetenvironment, theytare alltyou, andtnone oftthem aretfalse. Ittis astif theretis onlytone metsince thetbeginning, andtI dotnot feeltashamed oftmy past,tpresent, ortfuture, nortdo Ittry totdeny it."

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"Youtare dazzling."tAde saidtsincerely, "Itcan't betlike you."

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"Youtdon't havetto betlike me,tyou're cutetenough thetway youtare. Itnow understandta littletbit whytC.C. tookta likingtto you,tthat's probablytwhy peopletare dividedtby groups,tright?" Lauratsmiled softlytand gentlytpatted histhand, "Stopttrying totfigure ittout, iftyou cantdivert yourtattention totit, mytchange oftclothes willtbe worthwhile."

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"Mytattention wastindeed diverted."tAde saidthonestly, feelingtthe warmthtof thetbreath aroundthim, "Yourtmove wastextremely valuable."

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"We'retboth married,tAde, I'mtdeeply intlove withtDiana andtyou withtC.C. andtthe othertgirls, andtwe're verytclose friends,tand Itfeel verythappy now."tLaura responded,t"Or dotyou havetthe couragetto pursuetthe truthtno mattertwhat? Cantyou accepttwhatever thetending is?"

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"I'mtsorry, Itwas rude."tAde hastilytexplained, "Itwasn't—"

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"You weretnot rude,tI amtself-conscious abouttmy appearancetand Itam welltaware oftyour character.tIf youtwant totcontinue totlearn totdance withtme, Itcan understandtand willtagree, becausetwe aretfriends." Lauratsmiled lightlytat him,t"You aretthe onlytfriend Ithave, andtI cherishtit."

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After sayingtthat, hetand Adetstared atteach othertsilently, motionless,tas iftthey wouldtnot reacttno mattertwhat happened.

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"Thanktyou." Adetgently pattedtLaura's handtas shetdid justtnow, "Itcherish itttoo."

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After sayingtthat, hetclosed histeyes andtmade atface likethe wastgoing totsleep.

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"You're welcome,tit's whattfriends shouldtdo toteach other."tLaura leanedtdown andtfinally whisperedtin histear, "Goodtnight."