Chapter 4 - The Angel's Decision
“Itsuki! Fujimiya! Let’s eat together!”
It was lunchtime at school, and Amane was on his way to get lunch with Itsuki as usual, when a voice he had recently gotten used to hearing called out to him.
As expected, it was Yuuta Kadowaki, one hand waving in the air, exuding his bright and amiable smile as always. Normally, Yuuta ate lunch with other friends, but apparently today was different, as he approached them, wallet in hand.
Yuuta had been speaking to them more frequently since they started their second year, but they still weren’t especially close or anything.
But thanks to Amane listening to Yuuta’s troubles the other day, an affinity had grown between them, and more importantly, Amane had realized that Yuuta was actually a pretty nice guy. In fact, he kind of reminded Amane of Itsuki.
“It’s fine with me…,” Amane said.
“Well, you don’t mind, do you, Itsuki?”
“Why do you assume I won’t mind? I mean, I won’t, but…”
“Then it’s all good, right?”
“Yeah, it’s cool. Like, this guy here might have been sorta suspicious of you for no good reason, but he warmed up to you pretty quick. And looks like you’ve gotten pretty attached to Amane, too, Yuuta.”
“Attached…?” Amane muttered. “He’s not a dog.”
“But Yuuta is kinda like a dog. He’s the type where, once you win his trust, he’ll always stay close by, wagging his tail off. He’s like… What’s the breed…? Like a golden retriever.”
“You guys shouldn’t call people dogs right to their faces,” Yuuta scolded.
But sure enough, once Amane pictured him as a golden retriever, he couldn’t help but laugh.
Yuuta noticed Amane’s shoulders shaking with mirth and made a sour face, but Amane could tell that the teasing didn’t really bother him.
“Don’t laugh, Fujimiya.”
“Ha-ha, sorry.”
“Amane was thinking the same thing, I knew it.”
“I mean, it was a pretty accurate description…”
“Oh come on, not you too, Fujimiya. Look here, I only wanted to be your friend because I thought you were a decent guy, you know?”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing Amane is finally getting a little recognition,” Itsuki said. “Anyway, c’mon, have a seat.”
“Geez, who do you think you are?” Amane retorted, slapping Itsuki playfully.
Kadowaki obediently sauntered over, and when he made eye contact with Amane, he broke into a beaming smile. If he had pointed that smile at any girl, she would have been out cold.
Amane smiled wryly back. “…Can I ask you something?” he asked.
“Hmm?”
“Do you really want to be my friend?” Amane inquired. “I mean, I can’t really imagine what you’d get out of it, you know?” He hadn’t intended to say such a thing, but it slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it.
Yuuta was almost certainly trying to be Amane’s friend because he liked him, but Amane’s memories of what had happened in the past might have been clouding his perception.
Yuuta looked puzzled by Amane’s question. “You don’t hang out with your friends because of what you could gain or lose, do you?”
“I guess not, but—”
“Well then, there’s your answer. I’m talking to you because I want to get to know you.”
Yuuta’s smile was like a bright sunny day. Amane squinted at how dazzling it was.
“…Okay,” he eventually agreed.
“Yeah, great, I’m glad you’re getting along,” Itsuki interjected, supplying his thoughts on the matter with a cheeky grin. Then his gaze quickly shifted to another part of the classroom.
He was looking at Chitose, who was clinging to Mahiru with a smile, exclaiming, “You’re so sweet and cute, Mahirun, geez!”
Chitose had always been a touchy-feely person, and she didn’t seem to care that they were in class. Everyone was staring, either because they enjoyed seeing two beautiful girls bonding over some skinship or maybe because they were jealous.
To Amane, it looked like the girls were acting as they always did, but Itsuki grinned as he watched the two of them joke around.
“Did something happen?”
“Nah, nothing.”
Itsuki smiled in amusement and started walking off in the direction of the cafeteria. Amane and Yuuta followed after him.
After dinner, Amane asked Mahiru “…You’re sulking, aren’t you?” She had seemed upset about something lately.
Mahiru blinked dramatically. “…Oh, did it show on my face?” She poked and prodded at her own cheeks, as if she was just discovering her sour expression.
“Yeah, well, you just look like you’re in a bad mood. I’ve been racking my brain for what I might have done wrong.”
Usually when Mahiru was sulking, it was because Amane had done something. But today he had barely interacted with her, so he really had no clue what the cause might be.
“If I did something, I’ll apologize, but—”
“N-no, this isn’t your fault, Amane. I’m just being narrow-minded.”
“If you’re narrow-minded, that would mean most people’s minds could be measured in millimeters. Anyway, I’m still not convinced I didn’t do something.”
There was no way that Mahiru, the girl who basically never got angry, who was always ready to hear someone out or put herself in another person’s shoes, could be narrow-minded. Or if she was, then someone like Amane had to be the narrowest.
He wasn’t sure why Mahiru was sulking, but he figured there had to be some reason for it. And Mahiru wasn’t the type of person to let a stranger bother her, so nine times out of ten, if she was sulking, it meant that Amane, the only boy she let her inside her guard, was at the root of it all.
“…It really isn’t your fault, Amane, but… Well, it does have something to do with you…”
“I don’t really understand, but if I’m the reason…”
“You shouldn’t apologize when you don’t understand why. Actually, I’m probably the one who should apologize to you.”
“Now I’m even more confused.”
“It’s because I’m so narrow-minded.”
“Okay, okay, assuming for the sake of argument that you are narrow-minded, what exactly is bothering you?”
He didn’t think that was even slightly accurate, but for the sake of moving the discussion forward, he agreed to pretend like it was true.
Mahiru refused to look directly at him.
“…I think it’s unfair.”
“Unfair?”
“Kadowaki.”
“What about him?”
“It’s not fair that he can go talk to you whenever, just because you’re both boys. Meanwhile, I still have to hold back.”
“Hold back?”
“To avoid causing any trouble…to keep from arousing too many suspicions…to preserve your precious quiet life, we have to act like strangers at school. But…it’s making me lonely, and I’m the only one left out.”
She must have been feeling isolated.
At school, Mahiru was still acting like an angel, just as she always had. She gave Amane the same smile as everyone else and kept him at the same distance she used with all the other boys. The thoroughness of her act was rather impressive.
But apparently Mahiru wanted to talk to Amane more than usual. She had been refraining from doing so because it would have all sorts of effects on their school lives, but now that Yuuta, another popular student who also had problems with the opposite sex, had made friends with Amane, she was finding her restrictions too limiting.
He hated hearing she was lonely, but he didn’t think there was anything they could really do about that. He frowned, and so did Mahiru. She looked utterly dejected.
“Itsuki and Chitose and Kadowaki—they all get to have fun with you, Amane, but I alone get left out.”
“Argh…”
He couldn’t stand hearing her say that with such a sad look on her face.
Amane had always talked to Chitose normally, so he was able to talk to her and Itsuki, the two people who knew about his friendship with Mahiru, at school like he always had. But he couldn’t talk to Mahiru, so when Chitose came over to talk to Itsuki, that naturally meant Mahiru was left alone.
She seemed to have some other friends in their class, but she wasn’t as open with them as she was with Chitose, so no matter what, she seemed a little lonely. Of course, she concealed those roiling emotions behind her angelic smile, but Amane knew her well enough that her loneliness stood out to him clear as day.
He understood that, and he wished he could do something about it, but of course he couldn’t just nod and say he’d start talking to her whenever she wanted.
“…But, well, it would be strange if the class angel suddenly became good friends with a boring background character like me, wouldn’t it?”
“Why do you always put yourself down like that? It really bothers me.” Mahiru frowned again and angrily jabbed Amane’s nose with the tip of her index finger. “I overheard the three of you talking today, and you should really stop being so self-deprecating. I wouldn’t even bother making friends with you if everything was really so calculated and cold. Think about what an absolute slob you were when I first met you. Imagine how you looked from my perspective. What did I have to gain by getting to know you?”
“You’re frighteningly persuasive.”
Their friendship had started because Mahiru had felt concerned for Amane, particularly because of his diet. A dash of guilt may have played a part as well. There was little other reason for the two of them to get to know each other. Looking at it objectively, their friendship made no sense.
But they had become friends anyway, and it had nothing to do with either of them weighing risks against rewards—it was because of the way they felt about each other, feelings that ranged from happiness to guilt to compassion. Those feelings had been the spark that led them to get to know each other better.
“Of course, now I know you’re a kind person with a good personality, so it would be an easy exercise if someone asked me to outline the merits of being friends with you, but I don’t care about any of that. I like you for you, and I’m sure Kadowaki has his own reasons, as he said. So it’s not good for you to paint yourself in such a negative light. That insistence of yours is an insult to all the people who care about you.”
“…Sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize with such a glum face. I just want you to have more self-confidence.”
He still felt a little sting from being poked at, but that pain wasn’t a bad thing.
“Anyway, we’ve got to work on your low self-esteem. You need to be more confident.”
“Confident, huh? Well, see…”
“Even better, I’ll start spreading the news that you’re a great guy.”
“If you do that to me, I’ll die of shame, and everyone will wonder what you’re talking about.”
It would be sure to raise a lot of suspicions if Mahiru suddenly started praising some random guy that, as far as their peers were concerned, she didn’t really know very well.
“I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t seem unnatural, okay?”
“I guess that means you’ve decided you’re going to talk to me at school?”
“…Look, I don’t like being the only one left out. If you don’t mind, I want to spend time with you just like everybody else.”
Whether or not she was aware that Amane found it almost impossible to resist the disheartened face she was making, Mahiru was casting her eyes low and mumbling sadly in a way that made him feel like he would go mad.
“…It’s not that I hate the idea, but if we suddenly start acting all buddy-buddy, people are going to notice something’s up.”
“So if I do it gradually, that’s all right?”
There was no way he could reject her any longer once he saw her eyes light up and her depressed expression change, so Amane nodded in assent.
“Just try not to hype me up too much, okay?”
“Fine… If that’s what you want, I’ll never compliment you ever again.”
It hurt to hear her say that, but Amane held his tongue and just gazed off into the distance. His school life was about to become a bit stormier.
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