Chapter 1 - The Day After the Confession
Mahiru and I are dating.
If he was to put it into words, he could have summarized it in that one short sentence, but Amane’s heart was overflowing with so much emotion that he could barely string a thought together.
The night after the confession, after Mahiru had returned to her own apartment, Amane had found himself feeling restless and in a dreamy haze.
He shared a new bond with his first love: the girl he’d fallen head over heels for. It made sense that he would be ecstatic.
It really hadn’t been that long since they’d first met—just over half a year—and yet, having spent those days pining away, so close to the object of his unrequited love, it had felt like a very long time indeed.
Shortly after the beginning of the new year, Amane realized he had feelings for Mahiru, meaning he had spent about four months in such a state.
Whether it had been “just four months” or “four long months” depended on perspective, but for Amane, it felt like forever. The saying goes that “first love bears no fruit,” but in Amane and Mahiru’s case, that didn’t seem to apply.
Amane was happy that they were together now, but without the slightest bit of experience, he had no idea what he ought to do next. He didn’t know how he should act around her the following day.
Kept awake all night by a combination of joy and apprehension, Amane was rather sleep-deprived when he welcomed Mahiru into his apartment the day after they confessed to each other.
“…Um, g-good morning.”
Mahiru, who had come to say good morning at an hour much closer to the afternoon, was wearing a big smile that completely failed to hide the fact that she felt just as awkward as Amane.
The day after Sports Day was a school holiday, so it wasn’t unusual for Mahiru to come over. She had visited frequently before they started dating, too, so it wasn’t particularly strange. She was a familiar figure at home.
What had changed was the feeling of distance between them, thanks to their new relationship. It somehow seemed like they were further apart compared to before.
Normally, because she was so used to it, Mahiru would walk through the door like it was her own house, making herself at home, but…today, she seemed somehow tense.
However, Amane’s nervousness was much worse. He couldn’t even muster his usual lighthearted greeting and instead let his eyes wander nervously around the room as he finally managed to reply in a quiet voice, “…Morning.”
Then they both took their seats on the living room sofa, leaving a wider-than-usual space between them.
“Um… A-Amane, you look a little sleepy.”
“Yeah, well…how do I put this? I was so happy that I couldn’t really sleep,” Amane mumbled, sounding flustered.
Mahiru’s cheeks became redder, as if she knew exactly what he meant. “I—I must be pretty carefree, since I slept quite well, feeling happy and fortunate…”
“N-no, I think that’s great! I just—I was thinking about all sorts of things and was too worked up, like a little kid the night before a field trip!”
“…So you’re happy, too?”
“Well, yeah… Of course I am, now that I know the girl I like feels the same way… I’m so happy that my head can’t stop spinning.”
Amane had never done this sort of thing before, so he was practically trembling with joy at the idea that the person he liked reciprocated his feelings. However, he still had no idea how he should act toward Mahiru. He was at a total loss.
His parents’ relationship wasn’t a good reference, either.
Amane did think the two of them got along better than average, maybe even a little too well. Even though they only did so inside the house, they were openly affectionate. Amane felt like trying to use his parents as an example would only lead to embarrassment.
So Amane was wrestling with the problem of how to act toward his new girlfriend as he answered. Mahiru put on a soft, effortless smile and started to lean on Amane, so—without thinking—he grabbed her shoulder and stopped her.
Mahiru’s expression stiffened immediately, and Amane knew that he had messed up. He pulled back the hand that he’d put up to stop her and waved it in front of his face.
“Th-that’s not— It’s not that I don’t want to… Just, it’s like, I feel awkward again, about getting close to you. When you go for it so suddenly, somehow it’s kind of embarrassing, don’t you think?”
He tacked on the lame question at the end because he was uncomfortable.
They had been close enough to touch plenty of times before, to the point where it had become normal, but now that their relationship had changed, sitting at the usual distance somehow made Amane nervous.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t felt embarrassed before, but now that his perception of Mahiru had changed, he was overly conscious of her.
“…When I think about you being my girlfriend, I can’t settle down. It’s my first time dating anyone, and…”
“I mean, it’s not like I’m perfectly composed, either, but…I guess my feeling of wanting to stay close is stronger. N-now that we’ve finally started dating…I think it’s best if we are honest about our feelings.”
Mahiru’s voice trembled with slight bashfulness as she mumbled those words, looking up at Amane timidly. The effect was so charming that Amane stifled his groan.
“So could I get a little…closer?” she asked.
“…Feel free.”
If he was being honest, Amane wanted nothing more than to grab Mahiru and squeeze her tightly like a stuffed animal, to revel in the joy that was welling up inside of him. But he had a feeling that if he allowed himself to do that, he might end up doing something really embarrassing and regret it afterward, so he decided to limit himself to light cuddling.
Mahiru seemed to be happy with it, as she leaned against Amane’s arm with a cherubic look of joy on her smiling face.
As a matter of fact, even before they had started dating, Mahiru had recently become quite clingy. The fact that he felt more nervous about it than he had before was probably because he lacked both courage and experience in these situations.
…I wonder what I should do now?
He worried over whether just cuddling was enough.
Amane had zero dating experience, and Mahiru was his first girlfriend.
Mahiru was in the same situation, but still, Amane couldn’t help but want to take the lead, as a guy.
But as much as he wanted to take the initiative, he had no idea how.
Partly because of what had happened to him in the past, Amane had never shown a lot of interest in others, and since he’d never been much of a romantic, he’d never even dreamed about dating a girl. Sadly, Amane’s energy had always been directed toward his studies and hobbies, and he completely lacked any knowledge when it came to the essential subject of romance.
Amane’s meager understanding was limited to the fact that boys and girls who were dating held hands, went on dates, and kissed—and might get more physical once their relationship became more serious.
Aside from holding hands and going on dates, he couldn’t even imagine suddenly kissing her—or doing anything else, for that matter. So Amane settled on the idea that they should go out, but he knew that that alone wasn’t really “dating.”
Amane wanted to make Mahiru happy, and for the two of them to be happy together, but he felt slightly hopeless at the realization that he had absolutely no idea how to go about it.
“…What’s the matter?” Mahiru asked. “D-do you not like me leaning on you after all…?”
“Ah, no, that’s not it. Sorry for making you worry.”
Mahiru was staring at Amane, who had been silently fretting with a serious look on his face. He felt pathetic for giving her the wrong idea that he didn’t like feeling her touch.
“I was just wondering about something… Well, I think I can probably ask you, since it involves you, too…”
“S-sure.”
Amane felt bad about asking her, since this was her first time dating anyone as well, but he decided it might be good to consult with her, as fellow first timers. Surely it was better to talk things through together, rather than worrying alone.
“So listen, we, um… We’ve started dating, but…”
“Yes?”
“…Now that we are, what, specifically, should we do?”
“Huh?”
Mahiru had obviously been bracing herself, unsure of what kind of question was headed her way. She looked surprised.
Even though Amane was self-conscious about asking such a stupid question, even for him, he was asking earnestly.
“…W-well, it’s my first time dating anyone, and…I don’t know exactly what we’re supposed to do.”
“…N-now that you mention it…,” she replied.
But as he had expected, Mahiru, who had also never had much experience with the opposite sex, was similarly stumped by Amane’s conundrum.
“Does anything come to mind?”
“…Holding hands?”
“We do that all the time.”
“Spending days off together?”
“That’s every day.”
“Going out?”
“Well, we’ve been doing that.”
“Hugging?”
“We do that.”
Unfortunately, it seemed that Mahiru didn’t know any more than Amane, and everything she brought up was something they’d already done. She couldn’t come up with anything more that couples were supposed to do together. It seemed like there was nothing else.
What do couples do…?
Amane sighed, and Mahiru tugged nervously at the hem of his shirt. When he looked at her again, wondering what was wrong, he saw that her face was flushed slightly red.
“…So it’s hard to say this, or rather, it’s embarrassing, but… Haven’t we been doing all the things that couples do together, just without calling it dating…?”
After Mahiru said that, a silence fell over the room.
…Now that she’s said it out loud… No, even if she hadn’t said anything, she’s right…!
They had been spending time in the same space, holding hands, and going out together as if it was totally natural, but those were things that boys and girls normally did when they were in a relationship.
Of course, even though it might have been clear at first, maybe he hadn’t realized that these activities had become entirely commonplace for them.
“I—I also wanted you to notice me, and I did my very best to make it happen, but…when I really think about it, Amane, I was doing things that a girlfriend does, wasn’t I?”
“…N-now that you mention it…”
“So maybe, rather than trying to act like a couple, we should just act like normal…touching each other, and spending time together, and stuff. Besides, isn’t it better if, instead of forcing ourselves to conform and overthink everything, we just do it our own way…I mean, date the way we want to…?”
Amane felt a weight had lifted at the words our own way.
…Maybe we don’t have to worry about how other people do things?
Amane had been anxious to act the part of a boyfriend, but there was really no need to worry about that. Mahiru liked Amane, and Amane liked Mahiru, so they were together. As long as those things were true, everything was fine. They could take their time and didn’t have to rush or push themselves.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, I just… You know I always overthink things. This is my first time, so I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
“…Right.”
“So what, then? …We’ll act like we always have, but…from now on, like, with love?”
With his mind made up, Amane took Mahiru’s hand in his. Her cheeks, which were already quite red, flushed even more. She cast her eyes down as if she was embarrassed but squeezed his hand back and leaned against his arm.
“Amane?”
“Yeah?”
“…I’m happy, just like this.”
“Me too.”
Amane agreed with her quietly whispered words, and he silently enjoyed the feeling of warmth against his side.
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