Chapter 8 - Don't Feed the Animals
It had been one month since they started dating.
Amane, who hadn’t even kissed anyone before, still wasn’t sure how he was supposed to touch Mahiru.
They’d held hands and hugged each other but hadn’t taken it any further than that.
Even though they had embraced the other day while he was shirtless, nothing else had happened. Amane was sure that if Itsuki somehow heard the story, he would be subjected to plenty of teasing. Of course, Amane didn’t agree with Itsuki’s judgment on the matter, but he also understood why his friend might point out that it wasn’t very manly.
Amane wanted to take their relationship to the next level, but he was also afraid of moving forward. If she rejected his advances, or if he hurt her and made her cry, Amane was certain he would never recover from it. And he was terribly worried that she would think he was a loser.
He glanced over at Mahiru, who was sitting beside him.
The day after she said it was all right to touch her, she was fidgety and restless. However, several days had passed since her remark, and perhaps she understood that Amane wasn’t going to try anything, because she had gradually returned to her usual demeanor.
Even Amane thought it was weird that he was feeling more awkward than her, but in the end, he couldn’t help being nervous.
“…Is something the matter?”
Mahiru had apparently noticed his gaze, and she looked confused. She didn’t seem to have noticed his internal conflict.
“N-no, I was just… Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to touch you, Mahiru.”
He added quietly that he wanted to, but not carelessly, a statement that sounded weak as soon as he said it.
Mahiru’s eyes widened as she recalled again what had happened the other day, and her gaze shifted nervously. Apparently she hadn’t been thinking about it at all. Her reaction made Amane laugh.
“So what do you want me to do?”
“…Is that something you should ask me?”
“W-well, you’re the one getting touched, right? I don’t want to do anything you don’t want, and I’d like to be as gentle as possible toward you.”
He’d prefer to avoid rushing ahead and acting on his own feelings, because he knew that his conscience would never let him rest if he made Mahiru uncomfortable. His parents would certainly reprimand him if they ever found out.
Precisely because this was his first relationship, and there was no room for error, Amane knew he should be as considerate as possible, and since it would also really hurt him if she cried or ended up hating him. He wanted to grant all of Mahiru’s wishes.
With his heart set on that, he stared back at Mahiru, who squirmed like she wanted to run away but then leaned against Amane’s shoulder.
“I-it’s fine; you can do whatever you like,” she said. “Just don’t tickle me or pinch my belly.”
“…You don’t have anything to pinch, do you?”
“Well, I do keep a close eye on my figure, but whether or not I have anything extra there, girls generally hate getting their bellies squeezed by their boyfriends.”
“Well, I don’t plan on doing anything you would hate, but…um, is it really okay?”
“I told you: It’s fine.”
Mahiru had stated definitively that he could do as he pleased, but still, maybe she felt there was something a little scary about allowing a guy to touch her however he wanted, even if that guy was her boyfriend. Through the shoulder that she was leaning on, Amane felt a slight shiver run through her body.
He was happy she accepted him, but on the other hand, he knew he would have to be careful because it would still be problematic if he was pushy about it.
He really wanted to touch her but didn’t know what to do, so after puzzling over it for a long ten seconds, Amane pushed her up from his shoulder and embraced her gently like he was trying to wrap himself around her whole body.
He could tell that her small frame was shaking and curling up with surprise inside his arms, so in an effort to relax her, with gentle, deliberate movements, he patted her back to calm her down.
He didn’t want to frighten her, and with that in mind, he touched her with careful gestures. Mahiru relaxed and leaned against him.
“…You don’t have to worry; I won’t do anything more.”
“I-I’m not particularly scared… Just, well, first I’m embarrassed, and…I was expecting more, I guess.”
“Expecting…?”
“You know…a kiss or something.”
Mahiru whispered the last bit weakly as she nuzzled her cheek against Amane’s chest, and this time it was his turn to tremble.
“…A-Amane, I know you really love me, and that you’ve been cherishing me like some treasured object, but…I want to really feel your love.”
Amane felt a swell of emotion at Mahiru’s adorable words. Although she always radiated of cuteness, she unconsciously hit her boyfriend with an extra-large helping, and Amane’s head started spinning.
If he wasn’t careful, he was going to grasp her tightly and never let go, so he had to bite his lip hard and suppress that urge.
“I know you don’t want to rush me, and you’re not going to…to coax me into anything, but…”
Mahiru was mumbling in a tearful voice, with an expression that was shy and apologetic.
Unable to bear it any longer, Amane buried his face in her collar.
“…I can’t take this anymore.”
His quiet whisper seemed to have reached Mahiru’s ears, since she was trembling uneasily. He didn’t want her to misunderstand, so he peered into her teary eyes and continued.
“Here’s the thing, Mahiru. When you say stuff like that, it’s hard for me to resist. But if we go forward, I’m never going to want to go back.”
Hoping that hearing his plea would do her some good, Amane squeezed her in a tight embrace as he mumbled his objections.
“I think you ought to value yourself a little more, Mahiru.”
“I—I do, but we’re in love, so I want you to do as you please.”
“Please stop with the suggestive statements. You shouldn’t test a man’s restraint.”
“Test…?”
“…If you understand how much I love you, like you say, then you’re being a terrible temptress.”
Amane did consider she might be stirring him up on purpose, knowing he absolutely wouldn’t make a move, but he concluded there was no way that innocent Mahiru would do such a shrewd thing. In other words, she was seducing him without even knowing she was doing it. That was the scariest thing about it.
Maybe because she sensed Amane’s face pucker as he tried to resist temptation, Mahiru’s cheeks flushed slightly as she looked up at him with a sweet gaze.
“…I trust you; you know?”
“I feel like my trust is being held hostage.”
“Th-that wasn’t my intention, though. I see that you’re conflicted, and somehow…that makes me happy. Wait, I—I don’t mean that I’m enjoying this or anything, okay? But the idea that you treasure me so much, well, I can really tell, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy—and so loved…”
In spite of himself, Amane looked at Mahiru after she whispered these heartfelt words and received a fleeting, bashful look in return.
“In the past, I learned all sorts of things from the housekeeper, Miss Koyuki, so I know that people like you are incredibly rare, Amane. People who listen to the feelings of others and respect them. I know that you respect me—and that you treasure me. That’s exactly why you gave me the right to choose earlier.”
It was precisely because he treasured her that he didn’t want to do anything that would clash with Mahiru’s feelings—this sentiment of Amane’s had indeed been conveyed to her, and it was with that understanding that Mahiru was begging him to act on his desires.
Amane was speechless as Mahiru looked up at him timidly once again.
“From the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I fell in love with a guy like you.”
Seeing Mahiru wearing a smile packed full of joy, happiness, and love, Amane reached his limit—he pressed his lips against her tender, soft, pale cheek.
Her cheek was incomparably smooth compared to his own skin, and he gave her the tenderest of light kisses, putting all his love into it. Starting from the spot he had kissed, her pale skin flushed pink.
“All right, there… I kissed your cheek; was that okay?”
He had followed through, but now he was worried that it would have been better to warn her before he did… Although, it was already too late for that.
An amused, happy smile blossomed across Mahiru’s face. “…I feel like that’s not something you need to ask after you’ve already gotten permission.”
“I couldn’t help it… I just—my self-control was at its limit, you could say. Sorry for indulging myself.”
“You really are a conscientious person. Of all the things you could do to me, the only ones I would hate are… Well, I wouldn’t like being tickled or having my cheeks pinched, but really, there’s nothing else, okay?”
Then Mahiru gently brought her lips to Amane’s cheek in retaliation. After kissing him, she moved them close to his ear as he sat there, frozen.
“Listen, I’m never going to object to getting a kiss from my boyfriend.”
Oh my god…!
Agonizing over what a bad boyfriend he had been, to be blind to that obvious fact, Amane planted another gentle kiss on Mahiru’s porcelain cheek.
He forced himself to get ahold of the desires that were swirling around inside of him, and he embraced Mahiru’s small body again, simply appreciating how lovable his girlfriend was.
“So stop me if I get crazy, please. This is already a lot…”
“Crazy?”
“I feel like I might lose control, you know? I’ve got no willpower to spare. I know that’s pretty pathetic, but…”
“…And if you did go wild, what would happen?”
“I’d probably make you cry.”
He wasn’t going to force her into anything, and he obviously didn’t want to make her cry, but Amane felt like there was something inside him that he couldn’t control. Embracing her, and feeling her soft body against his, filled him with urges that were hard to resist. The very fact that he had endured it thus far was practically a miracle.
He suspected Mahiru might not stop him if he kept going, but it was precisely because of how much he cared for her and wanted to treasure her that he couldn’t allow himself to take things any further.
Instead, in order to rein in his hopeless urges, he loosened his hold on her just a little.
Amane caught a whiff of her sweet scent, which somehow seemed even stronger than it had been before, as he slowly pressed his lips against her neck.
His touch was light on her slender neck, which was so pale that the blood vessels showed through, and her slim body shivered. But she didn’t seem to dislike it. She just twisted a little bit as if it tickled.
Slowly, he slid his mouth down, and when he reached the base of her neck, Amane filled his nose with her scent and bit down gently.
Of course, he didn’t bite hard enough to leave behind tooth impressions. Though it was a light nibble, Mahiru made a high-pitched noise. But she didn’t try to escape from his arms. She gripped Amane’s shirt tightly and let him do as he pleased.
Her irresistible sweetness threatened to overwhelm him again, but he kept ahold of himself, and finally, in a spot that he figured would be covered by her school uniform, he gently sucked on her skin.
Staring at the single dot of rosy color on her otherwise pale white skin, Amane felt guilt, affection, excitement, and a faint sense of dominance and conquest. When he was done, he was left with the keen feeling that he was a despicable man.
He slowly looked up and saw Mahiru staring at him with teary eyes and a bright-red face. There wasn’t the slightest bit of hatred in her gaze, but her expression was filled with embarrassment.
Amane immediately knew that he had overdone it, and he hung his head. “Um… I’m really sorry about that. That wasn’t right.”
Mahiru opened her tightly pursed lips and, without hesitation, bit down suddenly on the base of his neck near his shoulders, just above the collar of his T-shirt.
He could almost hear the adorable sound effects as she chomped down, then kept nibbling as she tried and failed to suck at his skin with her mouth. From the way she was moving, it was more like she was trying to eat him.
After a moment, Mahiru pulled her mouth away. She made a face as if she didn’t understand why she had failed to leave even the faintest impression on Amane’s skin. She must have felt his eyes on her and looked up at him with an expression that was somewhat sulky and childish, yet also daring.
“…Fair’s fair.”
The tone of her voice challenged him to complain. Along with the fact that she hadn’t even been able to leave a mark, it was so adorable Amane thought he might die.
Though he was filled with a desire to hug her tightly and carry her right off to bed, Amane somehow managed to hold back. “You dummy,” he groaned as he buried his face in the base of her neck again, careful not to start sucking on a new spot.
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