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“…It would have been a lot better if you had just let me end it.”
“Sorry about that. But the Natsuki family style is to barge right into other people’s hearts, though we do make sure to take our shoes off before stepping into their homes.”
Kenichi Natsuki was open and honest, without any trace of bashfulness. Nahoko Natsuki always moved at her own pace, firing off strings of strange comments wherever she went, but she never let anything important slip past her.
As a member of the Natsuki family, Subaru Natsuki boldly charged into the young assassin’s heart.
“ ”
Meili was limp. Subaru’s arm was wrapped around her waist as he clenched his jaw and adjusted his left hand’s grip on the whip currently tied to the stairs.
When Subaru said Elsa’s name, Meili had suddenly jumped, trying to kill herself. He didn’t have time to stop her.
But he had prepared in advance for this possibility.
“I told you, no one in this world understands you better than I do.”
“…That’s gross…”
“Don’t say that,” Subaru said with an awkward smile. “That was just a turn of phrase to get you to listen to me.”
But even if she hated him, even if she rejected him, he couldn’t change the simple truth of it. He understood her feelings painfully well.
The thing that drove her to the impulsive violence deeply rooted in the bottom of her heart was the murderer who Subaru Natsuki didn’t know and yet who felt impossibly close.
“ ”
Thinking about her brought relief and yearning, grief and fury, and emptiness—what Meili felt about her was both complicated and incredibly simple.
—Meili idolized Elsa, loved her, and looked up to her.
And when she lost her, Meili felt a murderous urge emerge from the grief, the pain, the hatred, and the disappointment.
Joining them on this journey while hiding any trace of her desire for vengeance—wasn’t the sort of performance Meili was capable of. In fact, she was almost impossibly awkward. Even though no one would’ve blamed her for calling Subaru and the others her hated enemies, she didn’t know why she would do such a thing. That’s why there was no need for her to put on any act. She genuinely didn’t realize it herself.
She didn’t realize she had lost something precious. She was a sad girl so clueless that she didn’t understand how deep the wound to her heart was.
Meili Portroute was a killer created by her surroundings.
“You wanted revenge?”
“…I don’t know…”
“Even if you did, Elsa…”
“Wouldn’t want that. I know.”
Meili shook her head.
Subaru understood what she was feeling. And she knew that his words were on the mark.
In this moment, they were on equal ground.
“…Why did you try to save me?”
“ ”
“I tried to… You already knew even before I jumped, right? That’s weird. You’re weird…”
“Yeah, I can’t disagree there. But…I hardly know anything in this world, and if you disappeared, it would get just that much more lonely. Maybe that’s why.”
Meili was lifeless, like she had fully accepted death, but she bit her lip. Subaru’s answer couldn’t have been what she wanted to hear. But he couldn’t give her what she wanted. It was a story and motive that he didn’t know.
What she really wanted was to talk with someone she could never meet again.
“You won’t be able to hear her voice anymore.”
“ ”
“Even if you found her name in the books of the dead, it won’t tell you anything about the future.”
The girl who had no idea how to deal with her emotions had become impossibly lost, and the only way she knew how to solve problems was by killing. It was tragic from beginning to end.
Subaru hated the world for not giving her any other choice.
Even Elsa’s way of living, which Meili yearned for so badly, couldn’t help her. Elsa might have been a light for Meili, but the path she illuminated was too thorny for a normal person to walk.
“I’m sure you don’t know what to do with all the emotions you may or may not be feeling. And you probably won’t be able to reach an answer right away. So…”
“ ”
“Just leave it all to me. I won’t do anything bad. At the very least, I’ll do my best not to let things go too badly. As long as that’s what you want.”
“…I…don’t believe you. You’ll say anything if it’s convenient.”
Meili stared at the ground, refusing to agree even after hearing Subaru’s speech.
Of course she did. This was the path she had followed all her life, and he was asking her to find another way to live that didn’t exist in her dictionary.
And on top of that, the one asking was Subaru Natsuki, who was talking as if he knew everything, without any explanation of how he could possibly begin to understand.
And the worst part was that he was the sort of person who would lure her out here, knowing that he might get pushed to his death. The entire scenario was dubious enough that even Subaru had a hard time believing it himself.
So he had expected her to refuse and had prepared a plan B.
“Okay, I get why you can’t take me at my word. It seems like I was a serial promise-breaker before today. So here’s what we’ll do.”
“What?”
“Instead of a promise between you and me, we’ll make it a promise between you and us.”
“ ”
Meili furrowed her brow, clearly not following. But the answer soon became clear.
“Mm-hmm. It’s all right. I heard it all, so I’ll be the witness.”
“—!”
Meili twitched and slowly looked up. As she did, a face came into view—Emilia’s. She was holding on to the whip that was caught on the stairs.
Straining with her slender arms, she pulled both of them up with surprising ease. After safely making it back from that dangerous midair stunt, Subaru raised his hand in gratitude.
“Thanks, Emilia-chan… Honestly, I was scared to death.”
“That’s my line! Sheesh! I never expected you to jump, too. My heart almost jumped out of my chest.”
Looking away in a huff, Emilia scolded his recklessness. And unable to make an excuse for himself, Subaru sheepishly scratched his head.
Kneeling on the stairs, Meili looked on with unfocused eyes.
“Miss…you…heard…?”
“Yes. Subaru asked me to be here…to help you if it looked like things might get dangerous. And it’s a good thing he did.” Emilia pouted and glared at Subaru.
Meili pointed at herself, still confused.
“For me…? Not for him…?”
“Yes, ‘in case anything happens to Meili.’ That’s what you meant, right, Subaru?”
“That’s right. This was the only bit I was genuinely worried about.”
Knowing that she would attempt to push him off the edge, Subaru had been confident he could keep that from happening. But he could also envision her throwing herself over the edge once she’d been cornered.
They had managed to avoid both worst-case scenarios. But what concerned him most was what the other Subaru Natsuki might do.
—The words Subaru Natsuki was here had been scrawled all over the room.
The one thing he wasn’t sure about was whether that Subaru Natsuki might try to do something to Meili.
Hypothetically speaking, if murdering Meili in the last loop was intended as an act of self-defense, then it was entirely possible that the other Subaru Natsuki might do something rash when they caught Meili at the scene of the crime.
That was why Subaru entrusted that problem to someone who was demonstrably stronger than he was. He was confident that even if the other Subaru Natsuki took control, Emilia—that all his comrades—would be able to do something.
“Listen, Meili. I believe what Subaru said. If you still can’t trust him, then we can just keep an eye on Subaru together. And if he does break his promise, then I’ll get mad at him with you.”
“Keep an eye on him…? That’s weird, isn’t it? You both should be…watching me…”
“If you ever try to do something bad, then it will be because Subaru broke his promise. So I’m watching Subaru to make sure he keeps his promise. That way, everything works out, right?”
“ ”
Meili was completely thrown off by the way Emilia asserted that as if it was irrefutable logic. Before she recovered, Subaru elaborated.
“Basically, you almost did something wrong, but thanks to our efforts, it didn’t happen. So this is a chance to figure out what you should do instead. Whether you can find an answer that doesn’t involve killing me… Well, that’ll be our little wager, won’t it?”
“What will…?”
“Whether you’ll still feel like you have to kill me or not once you’ve sorted out your feelings. I’ll be doing my best with the ethics lessons, too.” Subaru smiled unreassuringly.
That was the path Subaru was trying to guide Meili toward. If he was being honest, it was none of his business. Meili had chosen her own way of life, and he was just butting in to show her a new possibility.
But if she rejected it, her path would end here in this tower. She couldn’t clear this tower together with everyone, using what was familiar.
Moreover…
“I won’t let you stop here. I don’t know how old you are exactly…but when I was about your age, I got a lot of help from the adults around me.”
“ ”
“So even if you hate me for it, I’m going to help you. You’re too lovable to go around rejecting everyone’s help when you don’t know what to do.”
Subaru put his hands under her arms and lifted her light body, before setting her back on her feet.
Her body shuddered, and she peered up at him with unsure eyes. Subaru patted her head as kindly as he could.
Not strangling her. He offered a different solution from the other Subaru Natsuki.
Meili wasn’t someone who needed to die. And…
“Please, Meili. Believe Subaru…believe us.”
“…Ah.”
Emilia hugged Meili from behind as Subaru patted her head. Emilia gently embraced her, putting her cheek to Meili’s as the young girl bit her pale lips.
“This tower is too small a place for you to decide something so big.”
“ ”
“After we get out of here, when we’re in a more open place, you can give us your answer. We’ll do our best to get there.”
Bottling up emotions in a confined space was bad for a child’s growth.
Even after choosing his words as best he could, that had been the best description Subaru could come up with, but Emilia expressed it better with her kind words and earnest feelings.
Meili’s eyes drifted, like she was lost in thought.
“I don’t want to…forget Elsa…”
“Yeah. That’s fine. You don’t have to forget about someone you love. But…just…”
Subaru thought of the beautiful dark woman he had seen in the book of the dead.
She was, above all, mysterious. He’d had no interactions with her, but he still felt like he knew her. Curiously, when he thought about her, Subaru rubbed his stomach subconsciously.
“Even if it’s someone you love, maybe don’t copy her too closely?”
That was all he asked.
—Still unsure, Meili nodded meekly, and after that, there was a long, long silence.
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