Seishun Buta Yarou Series - Volume 11 - Chapter 4.5

5

Outside the shop, Sakuta chose not to head directly to the nearest station.

His time in junior high had been a lot. Meeting those classmates again had definitely left him with some rough emotions. Not feeling up to going home, he spotted the Landmark Tower in the distance, and he turned right and followed the coastal road toward it.

Five minutes later, he spotted the lights of the Red Brick Warehouse on the right. Beyond that, he could see the glittering lights on the Ferris wheel, half-hidden behind the buildings.

He was headed in the direction of Sakuragicho.

Guided by the Ferris wheel lights, he passed the crowds around the warehouse. It was Sunday, and there must have been some event going on; the space outside the warehouse was still packed even after sundown.

As that hubbub retreated into the distance, the road was split by a green median strip, and he came to a giant pedestrian walkway that did a loop above four lanes of traffic. There were no pedestrian lights, so he was forced to take the overpass.

He’d imagined it was a simple circle, but once up the stairs, he soon realized it was actually an ellipse. Like a track for footraces.

Sakuta got a quarter of the way around it—and drew to a stop.

The footsteps behind him stopped, too. They’d been there for a while; he’d noticed them after passing the warehouse, but they’d likely been there since he left the party.

“Satisfied?” he asked, not turning around.

“With what?”

As expected, that was Ikumi Akagi’s voice.

“Your plan went off without a hitch,” he said, turning to face her.

She smiled evasively. “What plan?”

“To gather up all our junior high classmates with me watching and make them admit Adolescence Syndrome is real.”

He figured that was the sole reason she’d put the reunion together. And used the dreaming hashtag to force him to be there. With a big lie about her hurting someone.

Sakuta hadn’t predicted she’d use the same ruse he was using on her.

Ikumi told no lies.

He’d assumed that—or maybe she’d just tricked him into thinking that.

“You caught me,” Ikumi muttered, playing along. Then she winced. “But honestly, it doesn’t feel great.”

“You dragged me and our old class into this scheme—you oughtta get something out of it.”

Otherwise, they were all losers here.

“Yeah. If all I did was lose some friends, it’s hard to laugh about.”

He’d mostly been joking, but her smile was drooping pretty hard.

“How long have you been planning this?”

“Since I got Adolescence Syndrome. Figured it was the right thing to do.”

That was a very Ikumi phrase. The word right felt like it belonged on her lips. Clearly, that was true for this world’s Ikumi, too. Else that reunion incident would never have gone down that way.

“But it took me a while.”

Ikumi’s eyes shifted away from him, following the taillights below. A blue car took the turn and went off toward Bashamichi Station.

“When I spotted you at the college entrance ceremony…it really hit me hard.”

Sakuta turned his eyes to the traffic, too.

“You were acting all normal, like nothing was wrong. Smiling like you’d forgotten all about it.”

“……”

“And here I was still dragging it all around. Not making anything of myself. It was mortifying. I didn’t dare face you.”

“It’s not like I’ve made anything of myself, either.”

“But I felt defeated. Even though I’d been sure I was in the right…”

Sounding sad, Ikumi turned to look at him.

“……”

She seemed ready to cry, and that stole the words from him.

“You put yourself back together, Azusagawa. But I didn’t make any progress. And that really hurt. I couldn’t stand being there. All I wanted to do was run away.”

“You got pretty far.”

This world hadn’t been far enough. She had to escape into another potential world.

“Not that I can criticize.”

That earned him a faint smile.

“I thought I was dreaming at first.”

“Yeah.”

Sakuta had, too. And the Ikumi from the other side had said the same thing.

“I spent a day over there…and thought I’d be back in the morning. But I wasn’t. I had to accept it was real.”

“You didn’t try to come back? Or want to?”

“I was scared.”

The light below turned green. The flow of traffic went from horizonal to vertical.

“But three days passed. A week. After a full month, I started to think maybe I should just stay there.”

“That world was easier for you?”

“Easier than here.”

She turned a reluctant smile his way. Because he was why this world was hard for her.

“Over there, I’d flunked my college exams and was studying to try again the next year.”

Like the other Ikumi said.

“So you never bumped into me at college.”

“But the easiest part—our junior high stuff was already fixed.”

“I hear I hijacked the broadcast booth and did…something.”

“Mm.”

The details hadn’t reached him, but Kotomi Kano had told him as much while he was in that other potential world.

But the upshot was that Kaede’s bullying had died out, and her Adolescence Syndrome with it. Their mother had never had her breakdown, and he’d never moved to Fujisawa with the other Kaede. They’d stayed together in the original apartment, like a normal family.

“So I figured I’d start over. Reckoned I could. In that world, I could be who I wanted to be.”

“The other Akagi said the exact same thing.”

Be who she wanted to be.

Or who she was trying to be.

Both Ikumis were after the same thing.

Diligent.

Righteous.

Never lying to themselves.

That’s why Ikumi was here. Why she’d come back.

Ikumi Akagi was too harsh on herself to keep running.

This was how she punished herself for sins of the past.

“Azusagawa…”

“What?”

“How do I forget that I hate myself for doing nothing?”

This was likely the last thing on Earth she wanted to ask him. Ask the person who she felt had defeated her.

But she asked anyway, because she was trying to start her clock again—the clock that had stopped back in junior high.

Her eyes were filling with tears, her desperation all too evident.

“Simple.”

“…Really?”

“Eat breakfast, go to school, sit in class, shoot the shit with your friends, spend time with someone you love, go to work, take a bath, brush your teeth, and go to bed. You might have some nights where you remember the bad stuff, and you’re up all night, you can’t breathe, and you’re tossing and turning—and fall asleep somewhere along the way and wake up feeling like ass, but you eat breakfast and go to school anyway.”

Sure, it would be nice if you could flip a switch and reset all the bad memories and trauma. But people didn’t work like that. They didn’t come with a switch that canceled out the bad times.

The only solution was to let things fade away in the flow of time. Paint things over with new memories. You’d still remember them sometimes, but even with the sleepless nights, somehow you’d face the next day with a brave face.

That’s how things get forgotten.

Getting over stuff takes time.

That’s how he’d become the Sakuta Azusagawa he was today.

His future progress would likely be just as inefficient.

Because he’d yet to find any other way of doing things.

“How long do I have to keep that up?”

“Beats me.”

“…Fair,” Ikumi whispered, staring at her feet. Then, “I really am a sad little girl.”

Like she was airing out her feelings.

“Good thing you figured that out today.”

“……”

“Not tomorrow, the next day, a week from now, or a year.”

If she got it today, then she could start to change. This was her beginning.

“I took a long road to get here.”

At last her head came up. Her eyes were on the walkway across the ellipse. If they went the other way around, they’d get there quicker, but if they kept going this way, they’d still get there in due time.

“You’re right, Azusagawa.”

“……Mm?”

He frowned at her.

“I’m glad it was today,” she said, smiling sheepishly.

“Right?”

Sakuta returned the smile. And like that, they started walking. Clockwise around the ellipse, one step at a time.

“They all froze. Especially when you brought up your famous girlfriend.”

“Isn’t that what reunions are for?”

“Yours was extra mean.”

“I’ll thank Mai for it later.”

“But you won’t apologize to anyone. Very you.”

“She was keeping me safe.”

“……?”

Ikumi shot him a baffled look. In answer, Sakuta pulled a fashion magazine out from under his shirt.

Mai was on the cover, winking.