Seishun Buta Yarou Series - Volume 7 - Chapter 3.4

4

As promised, the next day Sakuta helped Kaede practice going to school. They started with her putting her uniform on and doing a lap of their apartment building. On the second day, they headed toward Kaede’s junior high.

Since it was winter vacation, there was no one else wearing that uniform, and Kaede was concerned that this drew more attention, but each day, they made it closer to her school.

By day three, they got close enough to see the green net around the school grounds. They ran into some students heading in for practice, so they beat a hasty retreat, but they were making progress much faster than Sakuta had anticipated.

He felt her goal of attending school once vacation ended was obtainable.

In the afternoon of December 29, Sakuta took Kaede on a train to Ueno, figuring it would be a good break from her training.

“I’m in junior high now! Going to the zoo with your brother is just mortifying.”

Kaede grumbled the whole way, but once she actually got there…

“Sakuta! It’s a panda! Look at the panda! It’s eating bamboo!”

She was more excited than the literal children there with their parents.

In the gift shop on the way out, she even begged for a stuffed animal.

“Sakuta, this one’s really cute!”

“That’s nice.”

“Really cute!”

“You’ve got one at home.”

“But it’s so cute!”

“Isn’t third year a bit old for stuffed animals?”

“I’m still first year inside!”

As a result, Sakuta’s already empty wallet wound up even emptier. He owed Tomoe money as it was, so he really couldn’t afford to splurge any more.

In an attempt to make up for that—well, not just for that—Sakuta took as many shifts as he could at work.

Some of those days were specially requested by his manager, on the grounds that it was hard to staff shifts that time of year. But Sakuta didn’t refuse any. He didn’t have anything else planned, and there were times when staying busy helped.

On the thirtieth, he and Tomoe were both working—the first time they’d seen each other since he came back from the future on December 24.

On break, he returned her watch and the three thousand yen.

“Everything’s okay now?” she asked.

“That three thousand yen is all I have, so it’s going to be a very frugal New Year’s.”

“Not that. I mean…which one are you?”

“Both. We fused.”

“……”

“That’s why I’m okay. No need to stay worried, I promise.”

“Well, if you’re fine, then…fine.”

She sure didn’t look fine. She had her lips pursed, evidently not entirely satisfied with his explanation.

“Then stop making that face already.”

“I just wanted to help you, you know.”

That was an awfully cute thing to say.

“You may not realize it, but you were the MVP this time.”

He meant that.

If it weren’t for Tomoe, his trip through time would have gotten him nowhere. He’d have been forced to gnaw his fingers off, watching the worst unfold again. Like hell on earth. Just the thought of that was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.

“I owe you big-time.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“By way of thanks, use that three thousand yen and order any parfait you like.”

“Oh, uh, sure…but wait, this is my three thousand yen!”

“Don’t sweat the details.”

“Three thousand yen is not a detail!”

“……”

“D-don’t just go quiet on me.”

“This job’s a lot more fun when you’re around, Koga.”

Being able to goof around with her was a relief, and it caused something sincere to slip out. Looking at her, he felt like he was one step away from tearing up again.

“Senpai, are you sure you’re okay?”

She leaned in, worried.

“Maybe not… Augh, my guts are rumbling. Man the floor for me!”

He quickly retreated to the bathroom.

When he got home from work, it was time to eat Mai’s dinner. She was now cooking every night.

It was usually just Sakuta, Mai, and Kaede, but today Nodoka had tagged along. Her sister complex was in overdrive, and she’d stuck to Mai’s side like glue the whole time she was cooking.

Sakuta asked why.

“She had a bad dream this morning,” Mai said.

“What about?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Nodoka snapped.

It didn’t seem like he was gonna pry anything out of her. Peeling an onion, he glanced Mai’s way.

“She dreamed I was hit by a car.”

“……”

Given that Sakuta had personally lived through that once, it took him a minute to say anything. Even in a dream, it would be unspeakable. Nodoka loved Mai almost as much as he did.

“Well, fair enough. I’ll let you borrow my Mai for today.”

“I don’t need your permission, and she’s not yours to begin with.”

She did cheer up eventually, and they ate together.

“You oughtta learn to cook, Toyohama. Instead of coming here.”

“I’m here to make sure you don’t try anything.”

“Mai isn’t your mom.”

“She cooks for you on a daily basis! My sister ain’t your mom, either!”

“No, she’s my future wife.”

“If you and Mai get married, would that make Nodoka your sister-in-law?” Kaede asked as she chewed on a potato.

“……” Nodoka’s chopsticks froze in midair.

“I don’t need a go-go girl for a sister.”

“Pfft, why are you talking like it’s the sixties?!” Kaede laughed.

“……”

“What?” Nodoka glared.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad being your older brother.”

“Drop dead.”

“Don’t say that. It’s too sad.”

Like Kaede, he was munching on Mai’s meat and potatoes. He glanced toward Mai and found her eyes on him.

“I knew it!” Nodoka said, totally reading that wrong. “Something happened over Christmas!”

“Nothing like what you’re thinking, Nodoka,” Mai said serenely.

“I-I’m not thinking— Th-the food was great!”

She fled to the sink with her empty plate.

“In other words, it was a way bigger deal than what Toyohama had in mind.”

“R-really?” Kaede gasped. “What did you do?”

“Don’t exaggerate,” Mai said, stomping his foot under the table.

And thus, they whiled away the evening.

And thus, Sakuta’s life went on.

He savored each day, one at a time.

Trying to act natural.

Laughing at ordinary things, joking around, getting Mai to scold him, getting Rio to scoff at him, teasing Tomoe, playing dumb with Kaede, pissing Nodoka off, making Yuuma laugh…just as he always had.

And in the middle of all those normal everyday things, he’d be hit by a sudden urge to cry, and he’d cling to that until it passed. The smallest things could remind him of how lucky he was to be alive. And the more peaceful his days were, the worse his guilt became. His tears were a prayer to save little Shouko. Sakuta was tossing on the stormy seas of his heart.

If he tried to bottle them up, he’d stop functioning at all. He didn’t have much choice besides staying perfectly still until the wave receded.

But he knew, in time, he’d move past this.

If he took one day at a time, the year would eventually draw to an end.

Maybe something would change next year.

Winter vacation would end, third term would begin, Kaede would be in school again…and January would be over before anyone knew it.

In February, Mai would give him some chocolate…and in March, she’d graduate from Minegahara.

Nothing Sakuta felt could stop the flow of time.

Regardless of his feelings, the seasons would turn, and spring would come.

There was nothing he could do about it.

And not long after he came to that realization…

…the phone rang.

December 31. New Year’s Eve.

Sakuta was up at seven, ready to help Kaede practice going to school. He washed his face, ate breakfast, and was waiting for Kaede to finish changing into her uniform when the call came.

He moved over to the living room phone.

As he reached for the receiver, he froze.

“Sakuta?” Kaede asked. She’d stepped out of her room and saw the look on his face. He couldn’t answer. His eyes were locked on the phone’s screen. He recognized the number on it. It was Shouko’s cell phone.

That meant one of two things.

Either it was good news.

Or it wasn’t.

“……”

He slowly let all the air out of his lungs and then picked up the phone.

“This is Azusagawa.”

“Oh…I’m sorry to call this early. This is Makinohara…”

A grown woman’s voice.

“Makinohara’s mother, right? It’s me.”

“Oh, good. I hate to spring this on you…”

Each word she said was making his heart beat out of his chest.

“No problem,” he managed.

His throat spasmed like he was suffocating.

“I found your number…on Shouko’s phone.”

“Right.”

All he could manage was the shortest of replies. The idea of asking what had happened hid itself at the back of his mouth. His tongue was afraid to even form the question. Every crack and crevice of his body was filled with trepidation.

Not knowing where to look, his eyes turned to the clock. It wasn’t even eight thirty yet. Like Shouko’s mom said, it was a bit early to call anyone. So if she was calling now, there must have been a reason.

“Will you come see Shouko?”

“……”

“Please.”

Her voice shook. He couldn’t stave off the question any longer.

“What happened?” he asked, feeling like he was pushing through a forest of thorns. His lips quivered. The hand holding the receiver shook. The cord rattled against the wall.

“She doesn’t…” Two words, and Shouko’s mother’s voice broke. “Shouko doesn’t have…”

Her voice was wet with tears. Her beloved daughter’s name blotted out with grief.

Sakuta fought off the urge to clap his hands over his ears. The anguish in her mother’s voice was making his whole body groan. His chest ached. It was like someone had reached out and wrapped their hand around his heart.

But he kept the receiver on his ear because hearing this out was the only thing he could do.

“The doctor said…she doesn’t… She doesn’t have much…time left. I’m sorry.”

Her mother’s sobs proved how bad things were. They robbed Sakuta of the luxury of hesitation.

“Okay. I’ll be right there.”

He managed to get that out clearly.

“Thank you…and sorry…”

“See you at the hospital.”

He put the receiver down slowly, not letting it make a sound. Doing all he could to dethorn the news her mother had delivered. To wrap it all up in cotton.

She was the one who loved Shouko the most. The one who’d prayed hardest for Shouko’s recovery. And that meant there was no one more delicate than her now.

“Sakuta?” Kaede said, looking worried. He saw himself in her eyes and realized his cheeks were wet.

“Sorry, Kaede. Gotta head to the hospital. You okay skipping practice today?”

“Yeah, sure…”

She was clearly more worried about him.

He wiped his cheeks, trying to show he was fine. Then he picked up the phone again. He punched in a number from memory. He’d dialed it so many times he didn’t even have to think.

He heard it ringing.

Once. Twice. It picked up halfway through the third ring.

“Azusagawa?” Rio said, sounding fully alert.

“You were awake already?”

“I always get up at seven.”

It was very Rio to keep that schedule even on vacation.

“…Something happen with Shouko?” she asked before he could say a word.

Anyone who knew Shouko’s condition would immediately suspect bad news if he was calling this early. It was the natural assumption.

“I just got off the phone with her mother.”

“Oh.”

“She doesn’t have long.”

“You’re headed there?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come, too.”

“Okay.”

“See you there,” Rio said, ready to hang up.

“Futaba…,” he said, stopping her.

He hadn’t gotten to his real point yet. He’d called Rio before Mai because there was something he needed to ask.

“What?”

Her guard went up immediately.

And hearing that made him feel a little better. The tension in her voice proved that what he was about to say wasn’t completely crazy.

“There is a way, right?”

“……”

He heard her gulp. The sound was so small he would have missed it if he hadn’t been listening for it. She didn’t say a word.

“A remote possibility, but one that might be worth the risk.”

“……”

“We might still be able to save her.”

His hand tightened around the receiver, clutching at it.

“……”

Rio still said nothing.

“Until Mai was safe, I couldn’t think about anything else. So I forgot. But Makinohara’s own Adolescence Syndrome is still going strong. Seeing her future schedule in her hospital room reminded me of that.”

“……”

“Everything after junior high had been erased. I could still see the pencil marks where someone had rubbed them out.”

There was nothing mechanical about that change. It had obviously been done by a human hand. By someone. Manually. He was sure of it.

“It was Makinohara who wrote and erased it. She most likely did both at the same time…in fourth grade.”

“……”

Rio said nothing, but he could hear the restlessness in her breath. He could tell she kept almost saying something and deciding against it. It was probably her wondering whether she should push him away from the heart of the matter. But he was already too close to it for that to work.

“Three years ago, Makinohara wrote out her schedule and then erased it. Her fears of the future caused her Adolescence Syndrome. Am I right?”

“Do you get what you’re saying, Azusagawa?” she finally asked him directly. But she knew the answer.

“I’m saying we aren’t in the present. This is the future.”

“……”

“So if we can save the ‘present’ Makinohara—the one in fourth grade—then we should also be able to save the junior high school one.”

“Azusagawa.”

Rio called his name, as if trying to get through to him.

“There’s a chance, right?”

“That’s not even worth calling a ‘chance.’”

“……”

“What you’re saying is just wishful thinking.”

“Harsh.”

“Not much better than hoping she finds a donor today.”

“I’m sure you’re right, but…”

“Shouko came from the future, and you went back four days—in both cases, that was possible because you were the ones with the Adolescence Syndrome. A single consciousness that divided into two, with differing perceptions of the flow of time. Shouko’s in the ICU. Do you think she could save herself if she went back in time?”

“I think it would be hard even if she wasn’t in the ICU.”

Sakuta didn’t think a thirteen-year-old in need of a heart transplant could save herself. Sakuta was a lot older, and he sure couldn’t do it. Grown-ups couldn’t, either. That was exactly why her parents had suffered so much.

“Shouko’s condition isn’t something a do-over would help. Going back three years won’t lead to any revolutionary medical advancements. All she’ll do is live three very similar years and come right back to this moment.”

“But it’d be a little different if her Adolescence Syndrome was resolved.”

“Because you had a similar case and you remember your trip to the future? In her case, it won’t make a difference. Knowing her own future won’t give her the means to save herself. There is no such thing. That’s why she hasn’t done it.”

He knew Rio was right.

“This isn’t like avoiding a traffic accident.”

This was also true. But he couldn’t let the hopelessness stop him. He had to find some hope somewhere.

“Futaba.”

“……”

“Toyohama said she had a dream about Mai’s accident. Do you think that’s because Adolescence Syndrome sent me four days into the future? If so, that means memories might get shared with people other than the actual time traveler.”

“And I’m saying that’s just wishful thinking, Azusagawa.”

“……”

Rio was staying firm on the matter. And he knew exactly why.

“I had a similar dream.”

“……”

“After your Adolescence Syndrome was resolved…I dreamed I dragged you home with me. You were a wreck.”

“So…”

“But even if you manage to send memories of today back to yourself three years ago, it won’t change anything. It won’t make a difference.”

“Yeah, I’d probably just go, ‘What a weird dream.’”

If he didn’t know it affected him, it was easy to simply move on. Sakuta was well aware of that.

“Even if it bugged you, the core problem would be the exact same. Three years ago, you still had no way to save Shouko.”

Not now, not then.

“Azusagawa, even if…” Her voice got grim. “Say a miracle happened. The past is forever changed and Shouko’s condition gets cured. Is that actually what you want?”

Sakuta knew exactly what she was asking.

“Makinohara getting better is a good thing.”

And that was precisely why he played dumb.

“You brought this up, so I’m sure you get it. You know what changing the past means.”

She wasn’t letting him off the hook.

“…Yeah.”

“If fourth-grade Shouko overcomes her fears of the future and doesn’t get Adolescence Syndrome…then big Shouko will never exist.”

“I know that.”

“You don’t, Azusagawa.”

Her voice was quiet, but there was a quiver in it. She was hoping he wouldn’t understand.

“If big Shouko doesn’t exist, you won’t have met her on Shichirigahama Beach two years ago.”

“Right.”

“If you don’t meet her there, then you don’t try to emulate her.”

“Mm.”

“You don’t take the Minegahara entrance test to chase after her.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t meet me or Kunimi.”

“……Mm.”

“You will never cross paths with Sakurajima.”

Sakuta had already thought all of this through.

“Are you fine with that?”

“Of course not.”

How could he be?

“A life where I don’t meet Mai is no life at all.”

“Then…”

“And let’s be clear, I’m dead set against going through high school without you and Kunimi.”

Or Tomoe and Nodoka. Meeting Shouko two years ago had made him who he was today. If that past changed, so would this future. Just as the Shouko who’d received his heart was no longer with them.

“That’s why I’ve been pretending I hadn’t figured this out, even though I had. Praying that somebody would save Makinohara for me.”

“Azusagawa…”

“But that didn’t work. You can’t just leave these things to fate.”

None of this was funny, but he laughed out loud anyway. It helped him banish his fears.

“You chose a future with Mai.”

“I did. Then. I chose it without realizing this option existed. I thought I had to choose between getting in the accident and saving Makinohara, or avoiding the accident and living my life with Mai.”

“And that’s all ahead of you. You and Sakurajima are finally going to be happy. And you’re just letting that slip away.”

“Once I figured it out, it was all over. Now that I know there’s still a chance…pretending I don’t is too much.”

“I thought you only picked fights you could win.”

“Yep. I only want to fight when I can win.”

“Says the man about to throw away everything that matters to him, everything he’s built up for himself, on a chance so small it might not even exist. Do you even have the nerve to tell Mai any of this?”

“That’s the real challenge! If she starts crying, I’m in trouble.”