4
The Minegahara school building was reserved for testing from February 16 through the eighteenth, so when classes did resume, everyone had graduation on their minds.
Private university testing wrapped up around the same time as the high school exams. Some third-year students were already free of that cycle, and the day after classes resumed— February 20—the rooms were starting to fill with giddy laughs.
A far cry from the crackling tension of the weeks prior.
Sensing that change in the air, Sakuta headed for the library in lieu of eating lunch.
Not because he had anything he wanted to read or any books to borrow. There was only one reason he’d brave the chilly hallways to the library.
He’d promised Mai he would.
He slid open the library doors.
It felt like the library’s hush spilled out into the hall behind him.
Sakuta stepped forward into the room. He closed the door behind him and advanced through the deserted library interior.
The space was well heated. He walked through rows of bookshelves, each taller than him.
When he emerged from their shadows, he found a single soul, seated by the windows.
She sat with her back to him, bolt upright.
Long black hair.
Mai.
She didn’t seem aware of his approach.
That puzzled him, but as he got closer, he realized she had earbuds in. A set of exam study problems and a notebook were open in front of her, but her attention was entirely on her phone’s screen.
She must have been very focused. He sneaked up behind her, but she still didn’t notice. Figuring this was his chance, he reached out and put his arms around her, hugging her tight.
“……”
He’d been trying to surprise her, but she didn’t yelp or even jump. He could tell she hadn’t even gone tense. Apparently, she had known he was there.
That was disappointing, but a sweet scent tickled his nostrils.
“You smell really good, Mai.”
And that made him feel a lot better.
“Don’t smell people,” she said, laughing. And flicked his forehead.
“Ow.”
“It didn’t hurt.”
She giggled again. She was still in his arms and not objecting to that. He’d assumed she’d be telling him to let go by now.
“……”
“……”
Accepting his embrace, sinking into it, Mai never let her eyes leave her phone.
And that made him worried, so he asked.
“Mai.”
“What?”
“Is it okay if I keep hugging you?”
“Why not? It’s winter.”
She was just encouraging him.
“Winter’s the best.”
Could it stay winter forever?
“Just don’t get carried away and start grabbing anything weird.”
“No part of you could possibly be weird.”
He started sliding one hand toward her chest.
“Are you looking to end this now?”
“I swear, nothing about you is weird!”
“……”
The silent pressure proved intimidating, and he put his hand back where it was. Shoulders were safe. He was basking in the smell of her shampoo. He could feel the heat of her body, feel the beating of her heart. There was something deeply comforting about being this close to someone you loved.
“Whatcha watchin’, Mai?”
He was looking over her shoulder at the phone in her hand. There was a video playing on it with plenty of CGI, but he couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
Mai took one earbud out and handed it to him. He popped it in his left ear and heard a woman’s voice purring over some jaunty tunes.
“She’s building a fan base through social media, mostly big with students. A girl from my agency told me about her when we were on a shoot together.”
She turned the phone so he could see better. The visuals were kinda mystic, dreamlike, shifting to match the music. The song told a story, starting soft, growing emotional, until the singer finally poured her whole heart out. This seemed to be a self-made music video.
He felt like he’d heard this before somewhere but couldn’t place it. If it was popular with students, he’d probably heard it in passing somewhere. On breaks at school, at work, or on the train.
Every now and then it showed a glimpse of someone singing, but the face was obscured, and he couldn’t make it out. But he got the feeling she was their age.
“Nobody knows who she is or what she looks like. That’s part of the appeal.”
The video was uploaded by Touko Kirishima. That struck him as a pretty name. But if she was hiding her face, then it seemed likely that was just a stage name…
The song was as effervescent as the name, like a fable set to melody.
But the emotions in it were very modern social ones—love, friendship, loneliness, and kindness.
He could tell why her work appealed to teenagers. There was a raw vein of anxiety and discontent behind it, and these emotions sprang from that.
As the song wound on, both Sakuta and Mai fell silent, listening until the end. It lasted five full minutes.
The screen showed the first shot of the video, with a prompt to repeat, but Mai took her earbud out and turned the screen off.
“What did you think of it, Mai?”
“The visuals are rich, and the song itself pleasant. It’ll give me something to discuss with the girl who recommended it.”
That sounded like her real motivation for listening to this song. She pulled a bit of a face as she said it. Celebrity socializing was a burden in its own right.
“More importantly, Sakuta.”
“Mm?”
“Time you let go.”
“Aww.”
“I’m getting hot.”
“But it’s winter!”
“And I can’t see your face.”
She certainly had him wrapped around her finger.
“Well, if you put it that way,” he said, letting go.
He stood up and moved to the seat across from her.
“I didn’t know you liked my face that much.”
“It’s certainly never dull.”
Not the compliment he’d been fishing for.
“They say you get tired of beauty after three days, but that’s obviously a lie.”
“How so?” Mai asked, clearly well aware of what he meant but relishing it anyway.
“I mean, I’ve yet to get tired of your beauty.”
His answer seemed to satisfy her, and she smiled. Definitely a touch of glee there.
But then she remembered, and she put the smile away.
“How’s Kaede holding up?”
“Depressed.”
“Well, yeah…”
Four days ago, she’d come to their school to take her exams. But since that disaster, she hadn’t once set foot outside, let alone made it to the nurse’s office at her junior high. She was back to her home-alone self.
“She worked so hard, too,” Mai whispered.
Kaede really had. All that studying, all the fears she’d pushed aside to make it to the exam center…even if she hadn’t managed to take the afternoon tests, she had plenty to be proud about.
But all she could think was The other me worked harder.
She kept comparing herself negatively with the other Kaede.
That Kaede had dreamed about going to Minegahara High, and this Kaede felt guilty for not making that happen. Sakuta, Mai, and Nodoka had all helped her study, and she felt like she’d let them all down.
Even though not one of them—the other Kaede included—would ever dream of putting her down.
“She’s gonna have to pull herself through,” Sakuta said.
“Mm.” Mai nodded.
Then the warning bell rang. Five minutes before break ended.
“I’m afraid that’s all for today’s date.”
“We’ve still got five minutes!”
Mai dismissed that with a smirk as she put her notebook away. She stood up and put her coat on, too.
“……”
Sakuta stayed seated, looking up at her.
“I’m going home,” she said, clearly done indulging him.
He gave up and got to his feet.
“I’ve got more exams next week. Anything you want to say to me?” she asked.
“Give it your best shot!” he said. This was his best effort to seem sincere.
And his reward was a look only he ever got to see. Slightly sheepish, mostly pleased, definitely happy.
With Mai gone, Sakuta had nothing better to do than roll back into room 2-1. He managed to mostly pay attention during the remaining classes.
After school, he went to work, teased Tomoe a bunch, and clocked out at nine.
And got home half an hour later.
“I’m back,” he called, opening the door.
He took off his shoes and headed down the hall.
The light was on in the living room, but no sign of Kaede. Nasuno was curled up on the kotatsu, and she briefly mewed at him.
Kaede’s door was firmly closed.
But she hadn’t been cooped up in there all day. There were signs she’d been out here on the kotatsu next to the cat.
At the end of the table was a stack of A4-size envelopes. All kinds of colors. Blue, yellow, green, and white. Each of them with pamphlets for different remote-learning schools.
Half of these were places Sakuta had secretly visited on weekends. The other half were places their father had found or Miwako had provided. There were fifteen in all.
Sakuta had left the stack where Kaede would see them, and they were piled in a different order from this morning.
She’d clearly found them.
He opened one and found evidence she’d looked at the contents, too.
He closed it and put it back on the stack, and the door behind him opened. Kaede was tentatively peering out through the crack in her door. Their eyes met.
“I’m home,” he said.
Kaede’s eyes dropped to the floor. But she managed a soft “W-welcome back, Sakuta.”
And she opened the door more and came out.
“……”
She seemed like she had something to say, but not the courage to lift her head. She wound up just fidgeting awkwardly.
Sakuta waited patiently.
“So, um,” Kaede began.
“Mm?”
“The other day…”
She was staring fixedly at the floor.
“Which day?”
“The exam day.”
“Mm?”
“That thing I said to you…”
Looking even more rattled, she was restlessly rubbing her hands together in front of her.
Sakuta had a pretty good idea what she wanted to say. This wasn’t the first time. They’d had similar interactions the day before, and the day before that.
About the exam day…
…and what she’d said to him.
That one accusation in particular.
But he didn’t think it would help Kaede if he was the one who spelled it out. This seemed like something she had to come to grips with on her own. Not something his logic could settle.
“……”
“……”
He waited a while, but Kaede said nothing else. When she finally did open her mouth, she just muttered, “It’s nothing,” and her head sank even lower.
So he said, “Kaede,” sounding just like always.
“Wh-what?”
She flinched. Her eyes looked up through her lashes, on guard.
“You got time tomorrow?”
“Huh?”
“No school on Saturday, so you’re free, yeah?”
“Er, um. Yeah,” she stammered, nodding like he’d expected.
“Then come out with me after lunch.”
“Um.”
“See you there!”
Slightly forced, but before she could object, he went into his room to change. She took a few steps after him…but didn’t end up saying anything.
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