Posted on 2016-07-16by StarveCleric
Legend has it that every transcender who broke the boundaries of space and time will receive a gift from the world… Yeah, it is commonly known as the Golden Ring(1) that each transcender must have
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The Evil Lich System… that is my damned Golden Ring.
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A long time ago, it didn’t go by this name. It had the beautiful name of ‘The Training System of a Holy Knight’, but as soon as I gave up the identity of a Holy Knight and started on the path of Dark Magic, it ended up with its current name.
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A long time ago, the daily missions it gave were to help old grannies across the road, help little girls find their lost kittens and such, very different from the accursed missions I have been getting recently.
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“Looking at the daily quests… It is the damned two-choose-one option again. Destroy any town with a population of 30,000 people of above, reward: 10,000 evil points. Steal lollipop from 3 children, reward: 1 evil point. If neither of the quests are completed, 2 points are deducted.”
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“Tsk! You think that I would be so foolish? If I really destroyed a town, a crusade of epic class Holy Knights would definitely come hunting me down. Then, even if I did earn my points, there wouldn’t be any life left in me to spend them.
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Casually taking away the lollipop from a Tauren loli walking by, I watched as the crying girl got pulled away by her mother. As I put the lollipop into my mouth, I heard the clashing sound between the lollipop and the bones and only then did I remember that I had lost my sense of taste.
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“Sigh, when can I start to once again experience the joy of eating delicious food. Although mana can make me feel full, it isn’t tasty at all.”
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Despite the mother’s attempt to pull the girl away, the little girl didn’t seem to be willing to give up. Looking at me with her large watery eyes, her expectations seem to rise after noticing that I was unable to consume food.
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Did you that this uncle Lich was only pulling a prank? Did you think that I would return the lollipop to you?
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Alright, so as to not betray the other party’s expectations, kacha kacha, I bit the lollipop in many pieces before spitting them one by one onto the ground.
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“Boohoo!! Mum, that weird uncle stole my candy.”
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“Don’t look, let’s go.”
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Just as expected, I hear a resounding cry in the air. In that instant, my mood lifted as I thought about a certain fearless kid.
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“Are undeads unworthy of human rights? Ancient magic scrolls were treated as rough paper and vandalised, dragon blood ink was used color paint, an alchemy medicine that took me so much trouble to make was drank as soda, even my bones were secretly disassembled to reassembled as though playing puzzle. I only slept for two hours and yet my entire laboratory became a rubble, the destructive power of kids are too scary…”
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“Sigh, when can I have my revenge.” Thinking about those fearless kids, especially a certain untamed kid, I grind my teeth in anger.
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Suddenly, I heard a notice from the system
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“Ding, congratulations in succeeding to drive the 100th young kid to tears. Reward: 10 Evil Points. ——A loli that looks like she is 6 years old but whom is actually 20 years old is a legal loli? Not in calculation range, an expired pseudo-loli is evil!”
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Looking at my sudden accomplishment, I felt a surge of joy. The first accomplishment unlocked always gives 10 points, which is equivalent to the points I get from 10 days of my daily quests.
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“Following the norm, if making a 100 of them cry unlocks an accomplishment, making a 1000 of them cry should have one as well, and the reward would at least be multiplied several folds…”
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Thus, I turned my eyes to the lolis and shotas on the street…
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“Bah, even if I didn’t receive the daily quest for it, making those disobedient kids learn how to follow rules to prevent others from suffering from the same fate as me is also the duty of a good person.”
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“What should I play? Right, Granting Life, I shall turn the toys of those rascals into disgusting monsters that run about and paint the color of their lollipops to the color of feces. feces with my magic paint!”
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As a frequent victim of those rascals, just simply thinking about my destroyed magic scrolls and my precious classical books, the evil ideas come popping up.
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“No, no, that isn’t enough, how about turning the pillow cover into a magical beast that eats human, making them shiver whenever they see a pillow in the future. Right, there is also Evard’s Black Tentacles, I could make them enjoy tickling hell.”
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“Oh, aren’t those rascals afraid of monsters and ghosts? Hee hee, it is time to start rebuilding my undead army. Awaken, my undead catastrophe!!”
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That day, I finally realized that there is less than 200 kids living in that area…
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Bringing about a few thousand skeletons, butchers and skeletons on the street seem to be an overkill…
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That day, before the army of Town Security arrived on the scene and captured me, I have already walked every crook and nanny of the street and only managed to drive 160 of them to tears…
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After the Town Security members realized that the reason for me summoning an undead army was to exact vengeance on disobedient kids, their dumbfounded and looks of despise became my new dark history.
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“Congratulations in receiving looks of despise from a hundred females simultaneously, you have received a special accomplishment ‘Did this kid’s brain get soaked in water or paste’, and you have been awarded the noble title ‘Mentally Disabled Kid’. After equipping this title, there is a fixed probability of receiving sympathy from females, but the females’ impression of the wearer as a male will be lowered by 100 point.”
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…Anyway I am already used to being scammed by the system and my reputation is already at its worst. Given the system’s affirmation of my charm evidenced by my -88 charm, even if my luck with the opposite sex is reduced by 100 points, that doesn’t make much of a difference… The ending is still the same anyway, being unable to find a girlfriend.
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Why, even though it was just rational analysis, but as I say these words, I feel as though my eyes were bleeding tears… Alright, I am a great wizard who have been single for 300 years old but at least for now(4), I have exacted my vengeance against those rascals!
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Remembering the wailing of the children, I laughed satisfactorily. I have already thought about what to write on my diary today.
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AD1896, on the summer on the year of dragon, 6th March, destined to be carved on the memories of the rascals of Liu Huang City, the legend known as ‘The Lollipop Hunter Incident’ and ‘The Man-Eating Pillow Incident’.
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“That day, kids will remember the terror of that man’s dominance… The shame of having one’s beloved items taken away, the despair of being eaten by one’s toys and the fear of being surrounded by undeads…
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As I thought about what to write on my diary, the system’s notice sounded out again.
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“Ding! You have unlocked the accomplishment of making a hundred kids cry within a day! Reward: 10 Evil Points. Congratulations, you have awarded the noble title ‘The Bane of Kids’. After equipping this title, lolis and shotas that are 12 years old and below will feel a natural threat from you. A kind reminder, if you make 500 children cry in one go, you will be awarded with the noble title ‘Kids Killer’ and if you make 1000 children cry…”
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The system notice, at this point, suddenly stopped. I can’t help but start feeling some anticipation. Although it is a spiteful title, but if I am able to chase those rascals away from me, it can be considered an unexpected blessing as well.
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“…at one go, you will be awarded with the noble title ‘To Argue With Kids At Your Age, Can’t You Be More Mature’. Oh, you should thank me, actually this should be the title most befitting of you now.”
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“Shit, I can’t tolerate this anyone. Darn system, this is all your fault! This good man is going to go all out against you!!”
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“Master, this time you got locked up in jail this time for stealing lollipops… Next time would it be because of stealing girl’s underwear. I don’t really want to come fetch a pervert.”
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The one currently speaking is my loyal servant, the half-demon of my mansion, the silver-haired Elisa.
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Gold-black framed spectacles, silver ponytails, tiger teeth(5), a purple tail with a butterfly knot at the end and a baroque style maid costume(6), it showcased the little demon’s character perfectly and at the same, exposed a certain Lich’s interest…
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All along, I have been satisfied with Elisa’s outer appearance. If only she could change her personality, cold-faced and venomous tongue, it would be perfect.
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“It is not like you aren’t aware of my darned system, to get points just by making a few little girls cry, this is what a good person should be doing.”
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“Here!”
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She passed a thick photo album to me.
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“This… oh, well done Elisa! As expected of my loyal servant!”
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“I can roughly guess what happened. This is the contact details for children going to Liu Huang Mountain City’s largest kindergarten, I have carefully picked out the names in the list, it should be convenient for you to finish your quest now.”
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“Well done! To think that I thought that you were looking forward to my death so that you can regain your freedom, I guess it is all a misunderstanding on my part. Good job, you are a good person as well.”
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“Let me see!” Opening the list of contact details, my face turned bitter.
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“Liu Huang City’s Holy Church Archbishop’s 3 children’s contact details, the daughter of Dragon Slayer Amro who just started going to kindergarten, War God Xynso’s precious son… Are you sure you are trying to help me, and not trying to send me back to Hades!”
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My anger, as usual, was disregarded by the other party. The half-demon young lady pushed her spectacle frame as a cold gleam reflected off the lenses.
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“The great reputation of the “Lollipop Hunter” has already permeated the entirety of Liu Huang City. I get criticized the moment I leave the mansion. For the sake of this lady’s reputation, I would really like to change my job. Or rather, master you should start paying the salary you owed me for 10 years already.”
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