Toradora! - Volume 6 - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“And then what happened, Ami-chan? Did you just let them tell you to take that huge thing?”

“It’s my job, so it’s not like I can say no. It was the worst. Especially since it was like this big~!”

“Okay, you’re saying it’s big, but aren’t they about that size? I’ve never seen one, though.”

“No, no, Maya, you’re being naive. It was seriously like this! Just! Like! This!”

She traced a strange shape in the air with both her hands as though she were doing an old-school breaststroke. As her arms rotated, she accidentally bumped someone who was sitting calmly at his seat. His silver-rimmed glasses clattered to his desk at the shock of the blunt impact.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry! It wasn’t on purpose… Oh, it’s just you, Yuusaku.”

Kawashima Ami, the perpetrator, apologetically turned towards the victim with her teary Chihuahua eyes. But those tears, and even her interest, coldly dried up in an instant, like a desert at night. She was a childhood friend of Kitamura Yuusaku, whom she had hit. Attempting to sway him with her good-girl act was just a waste of hospitality. Hmph. She sighed in irritation.

“Yeah, sorry, sorry. Here’s your glasses.”

With an insincere apology, Ami, in an act of goodwill, returned the fallen glasses to the bridge of her childhood friend’s nose.

But…

“Yuusaku?”

“…”

Kitamura—the ever straight-laced, dead serious but also strangely excitable and boisterous class representative, student council vice president, captain of the boys’ softball club, ever-busy event lover who, rumor had it, would probably die like one of those migrating tuna fish if he ever stopped working—was currently a vacant, mouth-breathing, droopy-eyed zombie. He probably hadn’t even realized he’d been hit. He wasn’t even focusing on Ami, who was right in front of his eyes. He simply continued to sit in his seat without a sound.

“Hey, Yuusaku. He doesn’t seem okay?”

“No way, no way.”

“Heeey, Maruo! Get it together!”

Kihara Maya poked at his cheek with her fingertip. When he didn’t react to that, either, Maya’s eyes met with those of Kashii Nanako beside her. Ami shrugged her slender shoulders. The exasperation in her beautiful, raised eyebrows overweighed her impatience. It wasn’t as though Kitamura’s strange behavior had started when Ami had hit him just now. At least, probably.

“He seems like he’s kind of been getting worse and worse each day… Guess Maruo-kun’s got burnout syndrome.”

Ami and Maya nodded in agreement at the words Nanako quietly let slip. They looked down on Kitamura in his living dead state.

Yes, it had been several weeks since the culture festival that had riled up the school. The event’s excitement had already died down, and the students had been forced to return to their boring, everyday lives. At some point, the season transformed from vibrant fall to monochrome winter. The reddening fall leaves turned dry and dead until the wind outside the window, darkened by heavy clouds that stole the sunlight, blew them around in eddies. It was slightly before four in the afternoon. Class had ended, cleaning had ended, and now all they had to do was wait for homeroom to end in order to go home. They were in the vacuum of time before their teacher would arrive.

Kitamura’s abnormal behavior had slipped in during those tedious days and, at some point, begun to devour him.

He became less talkative and stopped speaking during class. He didn’t seem to be eating his bento at lunch, and his fly was down one out of every two days. His eyes were empty, and his glasses were covered with fingerprints and clouded with grease. By the time his friends realized something was wrong with him, it was too late. His condition had progressed too far.

They assumed it was a matter of course after an event as large as the culture festival. Kitamura had probably burned himself out—that was what everyone in class 2-C understood it to be. His shabby state was also a symptom of burnout. The fact that his bangs, which should have been in a stick-straight line, were somewhat uneven was another. That he was more forgetful, that his school jacket was off by one button, that he staggered as he wandered through the halls and crashed into the walls, were all symptoms.

If he were inclined to focus on small, everyday things, he would probably have recovered, but the disease seemed serious. If Kitamura hadn’t been surrounded by Ami, Maya, and Nanako, his eyes would have been completely devoid of light. They looked murky, like a dead bug’s.

“A-Ami…”

“Wh-What is it?”

Suddenly, the corpse spoke up. He looked up into the beautiful face of his childhood friend, who was currently a popular model, and reached a hand trembling with the anticipation of death, like that of an old man, out to her. 

Ami staunchly avoided him as though he were unpleasant, “Ew, stop it.”

“You said something was ‘big’ just now… What did you mean? You couldn’t have…taken a weird job… You can’t mean—you can’t mean it was a huge…pe…”

“Whaaaaat?! No way, what do you think you’re saying?! Yuusaku, you’re such an idiot!”

Aaaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Though she might have learned it from someone else, Ami knew the most effective technique for shutting someone up. She slapped the reanimated corpse on the mouth. Boof! Kitamura’s face easily turned to the side without resistance.

“The huge thing was a dog! A doggy woggy! They told me I was going to do the shoot with a poodle, so I thought it would be a little teddy bear and got all excited. Well, I had no idea, and this scary-looking, two-meter-tall giant dog comes out on a chain~! And that cameraman was like, ‘This is a genuine poodle. Now, go hug it.’ I was like, this has definitely got to be a llama, no matter how you look at it! That’s all it was. ♥ And it stunk like an animal, too. I don’t really know what llamas are actually like though~! That was what we were talking about~! ♥”

I wonder what Maruo was going to say after “pe…”? Was it Pembroke corgi…or pear…or could he have meant? The girls who had unintentionally heard the conversation were whispering unpleasantly. Behind them, another conversation played out.

“I wonder if Kitamura is okay… I feel like he’s got a lot on his plate.”

Right, right, a group of boys worriedly nodded together.

Burnout syndrome.

The boys were also engrossed in Kitamura’s abnormal behavior, but they had a slightly different idea of what it meant. Unlike the majority that thought Kitamura had burned out, they, the minority, had an extreme view of the situation.

“I’m pretty worried about him. It’s like he’s becoming more and more pitiful.”

“Right. If the rumors are true, who knows what’s happening to him.”

“She must be making him do all kinds of terrible things.”

“It’s because he’s up against that person…”

“I’d burn out, too. I’d be completely worn down. The picture of pity itself.”

“But, you know who we should really be pitying…huh? Actually, where did they go?”

***

Poor Takasu-kun…

“?!”

He turned so fast his neck nearly came off. He heard it. He definitely heard it. A pair of psychotic eyes immediately fired off like lightning. Those eyes glared at random at the innocent high school students who were going down the hallway during their break. He stared at them one at a time, shooting them down.

Who was that just now?

“Eek?!”

Was it you…

“Whoa!”

Or you…

“Whaa?!”

You…

“What’re you loitering around for?!”

“Bah!”

His head was forced straight up by something that had plunged into his nostril. His nasal innocence was stolen by the deep and cold feeling of menthol. At the pain, Takasu Ryuuji returned to his senses. What am I doing? Evil had nearly overtaken him. He had been right on the verge of going from the guy with the delinquent (looking) face to the indiscriminate god of lightning (in the flesh) who would strike anyone down.

“Seriously, don’t you go around dragging and dawdling along, you loaf of a loiterer! End of the day homeroom will start before we even get there! If you have time to threaten people for no reason, get those lazy legs of yours moving, you lazy dog! You school-swimsuit-lecher steamed bun!”

Fwoosh. As she magnificently insulted him, she pulled out the thing she had stuck up his nose. It was lip balm; about three centimeters of the bare stick extended from the end. Her face contorted. It went without saying that the one who’d just given Ryuuji this forceful wake-up call was the beautiful thug Aisaka Taiga—better known as the Palmtop Tiger.

Her contemptuous face looked exactly like how a pretty flower smelled. Her elegantly dancing hair was soft, light, and long. She was slight as a delicate doll. Anyone would recognize her as a peerless beauty, but that beauty arrogantly stuck out her chin. As she glared at Ryuuji, who stood beside her, she piled on the abuse, “You know what you are, you’re…HA-CHOO!”

Suddenly, she sneezed. 

Snot! Gross! It happened faster than Ryuuji could jump away from it. “Nnnggghhhhhhhh!”

Pitiful death throes flooded from Taiga’s mouth. When you go looking for revenge, dig two graves. Long story short, it served her right. At the same time she sneezed, the raw lip balm she had pushed up Ryuuji’s nostril slipped deep into Taiga’s own small nose. 

“N-n-n-n-no way! No way, nuh-uh! Get it out! Get it out! I can’t get it out!”

In her struggles, her flustered hands pushed the foreign object as far as it could go up her nose. She was a maiden in bodily distress. Even Ryuuji couldn’t laugh at the extraordinary state of affairs.

“Oh, you idiot. You really are an idiot! Stop struggling! Stop! I’ll get it out right now!”

“Nnaaah!”

They were at school right before it let out. Luckily, there weren’t many eyes on them then. If someone witnessed them, it would have meant the instant and decisive death of their social standing. He held Taiga’s head, which turned bright red as she struggled and writhed with her entire body. With a shout of, “Heave ho!” Ryuuji finally pulled it out.

Shwoop! Taiga was released from the menthol attack on her sinuses, but she grasped her suffering nose and clung to the wall. Her legs were wobbly, and her long eyelashes were wet as though she were about to shed tears any minute. Taiga already had worse allergies than most, and the shock of the lip balm being applied directly to her nasal cavity might have been too strong for her.

“Taiga, keep it together. You did that to me first. Now that you’ve gotten a taste of your own medicine, you’ve got to stop doing strange things to me.”

Although he was giving her modest advice for her sake, Taiga turned to stare at Ryuuji with her large, teary eyes.

“It went deeper than it did with you, and my nose is smaller to begin with! My nose is different from your baggy, bottomless pit of a giant beak!”

He lost the strength to even make a comeback. “I see…” he said. As he was silent, Taiga continued in front of Ryuuji’s eyes.

“Guuh…m-my nose…is throbbing like crazy…”

“Don’t dig into your nose! That’s disgusting!”

She was probably bothered by her now wintry-fresh nostril. With behavior unbecoming of a girl, she used her finger to desperately scrape the back of her nose. He tried to do what he could to stop her.

“…”

Taiga suddenly stopped on her own. Ryuuji was gripping her uncapped lip balm right in front of her eyes. Taiga looked at the smooth and white lip balm, which had been extracted from two nostrils. It glistened innocently. She had a strange expression on her face as she continued holding the lip balm’s cap. She bit her lip and looked up at Ryuuji’s face. 

Thinking that she wanted the lip balm back, Ryuuji pushed it into her small hand. But Taiga was still silent. She looked between the balm in her hand and Ryuuji’s nose several times. Then, as he was wondering what she would say, she spoke. “I-I think I’d need a lot of courage to put this on my lips again… I feel like I don’t need it anymore… Maybe I’ll throw it away…”

In that moment, a blue flash of light surged from Ryuuji’s sanpaku eyes. He hadn’t suddenly developed the ability to blast out a beam that would murder anything he looked at. He saw this as something for Taiga’s sake, for the environment’s sake, maybe even for the planet’s sake—a teachable moment!

“Don’t throw it out! Mottainai—it’s such a waste!”

Mottainai! Mottainai! That word passionately danced to a rhythm inside Ryuuji’s head. Da dum dum dum, da dum dum dum, mottainai, mottainai, da dum da dum, mottainai! “MOTTAINAI!” Ryuuji loved that beautiful Japanese word, which had made its way around the world. When he saw the vegetable remains that resulted from cooking—MOTTAINAI!—he would chop them up and stew them in soy sauce and sugar! When he found a blank slate on the back of any flyers—MOTTAINAI!—he would make the flyers into a beautiful notepad! When he found anything that was meant to be disposable—MOTTAINAI! He would never use a plastic bag!

Ryuuji absolutely couldn’t allow a practically new lip balm that had only been stuck up a couple of noses go to waste. He’d be selling his soul. As a human born on this planet, it was his responsibility during his one and only life.

But Taiga didn’t understand it at all.

“But I absolutely don’t want to use it. It definitely has stuff from your nose all over it.”

She didn’t understand the gravity of their mission and the responsibility that came with being born a human. I need to teach her, Ryuuji thought.

“It’s okay, you idiot. All the stuff from my nose is already inside your nose. The stuff that’s on the lip balm now is the same as the secretions in your own body.” Ryuuji was slow and deliberate as he calmly told her the facts. 

Pii! That moment, a scream like a whistle made its way out of Taiga’s throat. Though it wouldn’t make a difference now, she started to rub at her nose using her jacket sleeve.

“Your nose filth is in my nose… I-I feel irreversibly contaminated!”

“That’s rude! You’re the one who did it in the first place, weren’t you?! Here, hurry and cap it again. Take responsibility for it and use it all up. You can just wipe it with a tissue.”

“You think I can use this after wiping it with a tissue?! Then I’ll give this to you, Ryuuji! How about that?!”

“It’s fine! I don’t need it! Men only use Mentam balm!”

“Why?! Weren’t you just going on and on about ‘mottainai’?! It should work for your lips, shouldn’t it?! You’re a weirdo with perverted tastes! You’ve got it in you, of course you do, Ryuuji, you MOTTAINAI community ambassador!”

No matter how mottainai it was, who would want lip balm that had gone into someone’s nose (and two people’s noses at that)? If the whole surface layer had been scraped away, it wasn’t as though he wouldn’t consider it, but this hadn’t been cleaned at all. It was just in its raw state, covered in snot. Ryuuji quickly turned away to refuse it.

“Don’t be shy! Here, put it on! Your lips are always chapped, after all!”

“I don’t need it! Wai…stop! L-Let go, that’s gross…ah…it’s kind of salty…”

Seriously, poor Takasu-kun…

“!”

The voice he just heard was even clearer than it had been before. There was no mistake; they must have said it after seeing the two of them in what would have appeared like a friendly encounter at first glance. In an attempt to rub the balm over Ryuuji’s lips, Taiga had jumped at him from behind and had gotten a firm grip on his neck with one of her arms. Ryuuji was bending over backwards trying to avoid it, but Taiga smeared the balm on him anyway.

Where had it come from? Who had said it?

Once again, Ryuuji felt cursed. Wide-open sanpaku eyes blew blue-white fire as they searched for the voice’s owner. In that interval, Taiga rubbed even more of the contaminated balm onto his lips, but he didn’t care—she’d already gotten it on there once, so it was the same no matter how many more times it was put on.

The real problem at hand was that voice he just heard. Those words. Those whispering voices had continued to pursue him for several weeks now, at various times and in various locations around the school, sometimes even in the restrooms, sometimes while he was in the stairways going from one classroom to another, when he was throwing out the trash during cleaning, and now—when he was standing in the hallway after taking Taiga with him on an errand.

When they would see Ryuuji, they would shape their voice into a carrying whisper and say it. “Poor Takasu-kun.”

He ran so fast for the Palmtop Tiger during the Lucky Man race. In the end, that glasses guy from the student council stole her, but they still hang around together like nothing’s changed—even though he was dumped.

Even. Though. He. Was. Dumped.

“Daaaaamnnnn itttt! Who’s spreading all these weird ruuuuumooooors?!”

In his frustration, Ryuuji pushed off Taiga, the little gremlin. He tore at his hair, bit his lip, and twisted around. Like the ill-omened plumed cockscomb that foretold a country’s doom, his eyes glinted indiscriminately at the other students.

Ryuuji had no idea that he made a first-year girl two hundred meters away faint as though she’d been targeted by the explosive force of an ICBM. Taiga didn’t know, either. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as though the situation were futile. 

“By weird rumors, you mean those rumors, right? Right, right, I don’t like it. It’s totally something to worry about. The ones that have been going around have been so vulgar and groundless.”

Grin.

She was probably completely aware of the hateful smirk on her face. The smooth line of Taiga’s milk-white cheek turned a shade of rouge as she continued. 

“Oh, right, how did they go again? Was it that I, the one who was chosen as Miss Festival, dumped you, Ryuuji, after you worked so hard at the Lucky Man race for me? And that in the end, I g-g-got together with Kitamura-kun… Was that it? I thought there might have been a rumor like that going around… Guess there must be… How terrible.”

As she quoted the content of the rumors, her happiness seemed to be heartfelt. She put on an even brighter grin. For a moment, Ryuuji felt the creeping suspicion that Taiga might in fact have been the source of the rumors, but he immediately dismissed the thought. It wasn’t as though an unrivaled klutz like Taiga was capable of spreading convenient rumors about herself around the school.

Indeed, the gossip came hot off the presses on the tail end of a large event, when there was nothing else going on at school. The groundless claims were gaining speed among the bored students, crossing borders of class and grade level. 

Of course, they weren’t true. Taiga and Kitamura were not a thing, regardless of Taiga’s wishes.

It was true that on the day of the culture festival, Taiga was pressed into dancing with Kitamura in front of the campfire during the after-hours festival. Ryuuji had seen it, too. It was an incredibly beautiful scene, but it had really only lasted a few minutes. The two immediately started rounding up Ryuuji, Minori, and even Ami to include them in the commotion they were making. It wasn’t as though they had really gotten together. Nothing as juicy as that had happened. 

Actually, what really got on Ryuuji’s nerves wasn’t that misunderstanding but the part that came before it. The “Takasu-kun tried so hard at the Lucky Man race but got dumped” part.

He just couldn’t let that go. It was true that he had worked hard at the Lucky Man race. He had wanted to cheer Taiga up and, at the end of all the twists and turns, had ended up winning with Minori. And yet, far from making him seem manlier, the effort he had put into the race had created an even greater atmosphere of pity around him. With everything going on, it had mistakenly become an established fact around school that Taiga and Ryuuji were (previously) dating. That rumor had spread right under Ryuuji’s nose without him even noticing. The finishing zinger was that Taiga dumped him. He was a loser who had been dumped and stolen from.

Just how did this happen? he thought. When did this happen? Why?

“Damn it… How can you be grinning like that? Aren’t you annoyed?! They think we were dating!”

“Hmm, you’re right…”

The Palmtop Tiger, the formidable berserker with an equally formidable name, who did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, remained calm with a faint smile. 

“I feel pretty conflicted about being the ex of a dog…because I’m human. But it looks like I’m the one who dumped you. What’s important is the present. Everything with you was in the past, after all.”

She snorted.

“But what a poor wretched thing you really are. It’s pretty pitiful that you’ve been dumped by me. You wouldn’t want other people knowing. And you worked so hard for me. Kitamura-kun just stole my heart away… Puh puh puh!”

She was snickering. As though trying to say, I can’t even, she glanced at Ryuuji out of the corner of her eye. How pitiful, she groaned from the back of her throat.

“Taiga…why you…”

“Now, look, don’t say anything hasty. Let’s hurry up and go. That old maid spinster-face is going to start her singles-only homeroom soon. We need to finish up and get back before she starts. Kya kya kya!”

You’re abominable! thought Ryuuji.

Taiga turned around and jauntily walked ahead of him. After getting to this point, he was so, so frustrated he couldn’t stand it any longer. Taiga would probably grin at that, too. Who wouldn’t be on cloud nine if rumor had it they were dating their unrequited love? On the flip side, Ryuuji had to deal with being bestowed the title of “number one dumpee in school.” He might have felt better being the super scary delinquent. It was better than strangers pitying him and pointing him out. “Oh, it’s Takasu-kun, that guy who was dumped and brushed off. How sad.”

He glared at Taiga, who walked with a skip in her step. Ryuuji’s frustration grew. Hatred couldn’t kill a person, but he could at least poke the top of her defenseless little head. How about I do that, he thought as he stifled his footsteps and snuck up to close the distance between them, but in that moment…

“Oh! Look, look, there’s the photo panel! I got lucky! No one’s here! I can choose whichever ones I want!” Taiga turned around with sharp instincts befitting a wild animal. Ryuuji pulled back his hand in a panic.

“R-right!”

“Let’s go, let’s go! Hurry up!”

Though he was reluctant, his frustration at Taiga fizzled in a second as she rushed over. Before he even realized it, he could only give a strained grin and shrug his shoulders as he usually did at Taiga’s antics. He couldn’t help it when Taiga’s little legs were working hard, exactly like a child’s, as she happily ran over the photos.

Well…I guess it’s fine. Just for now.

With all those emotions and the grin he couldn’t suppress, he felt fluttery, or like he was melting. The air around him seemed to become warmer and kinder as it filled his lungs. In the end, this was what became of Ryuuji’s frustrations. He’d melt into a sweet mess like an undercooked omelet and end up thinking, Well, it’s fine. In the end, he was helpless. It seemed he was created to be good and sweet to others. Though it was pitiful of him, he couldn’t help it. As usual, when he saw Taiga like this, stubborn and arrogant as she was, he couldn’t help but be happy.

That time…

That time when he had gotten the message from Taiga’s father, when he saw Taiga’s face as she realized what had happened, he thought that it would be impossible for them to return to these normal days.

Everything’s broken, and it’s all over. That was all he could think back then, and he had actually been scared. Then, he had been sad. 

But, in the end, the world kept moving that day, just as it always had. The earth continued to turn, and day and night came just as usual. And Taiga’s feet pattered as she ran, just as usual.

Ryuuji rubbed at his breezy nose and started following Taiga. Right, he thought. Despite everything that had happened that day, Taiga was tough; it hadn’t left a mark on her heart. You see that? Ryuuji thought to no one. Taiga hadn’t changed a bit. The Palmtop-sized tiger queen couldn’t be brought down by anyone. Not even her own father.

“Hurry up and get over here, you loaf! Ryuuji, come!”

“…”

Like a dog, she called him by clicking her tongue. Whether he could come without being sullen was an entirely different matter.

They had promised to do it after the school event.

“Uhhh…oh! I found Kitamura-kun! Ryuuji, look at this! Right?”

“That’s small…and he’s not even looking into the camera. Are you sure about this one?”

“It’s fine. I’m buying all the ones with Kitamura-kun in them. Number fifty-three and…hee hee, that makes four.”

The rows of photos had been taken by the photography club. They had put up a panel in front of the clubroom with numbered photos. Incidentally, the club had been demolished the year before by an unforeseen attack. From that year on, the club had girls only. Though there were few who knew the real reason, rumor had it the attack had to do with a black market in buying and selling girls’ swimsuit photos.

The students could buy one photo for ten yen from the new girls’ photography club. They would be able to check out photos until a certain day and could write down the numbers of the ones they wanted printed. They simply had to drop off an envelope that included their class, an optional keyword, and the money into a postbox set up in front of the clubroom. Several days later, the pictures would be delivered to the class.

The point was they had made a system where students could buy photos without anyone knowing who bought them. Of course, girls and boys in the throes of puberty wouldn’t just openly buy the photos they were in, like honest fools.

“Oh, Ryuuji, over here! Minorin is in this one.”

“Oh, where?! She’s in her bald cap! But I can’t not buy it.”

In small writing, Taiga and Ryuuji each noted the numbers for the photos of Kitamura and Minori on their own sheets. Just like the majority of the other students, they could lawfully procure pictures of their crushes. No matter how widespread digital cameras and cell phones had become among students, this custom wouldn’t die out for a while.

The photos lined up on the panel were, of course, of the culture festival. They depicted smiling underclassmen boys putting up decorations together in front of a classroom, maids advertising for the cafés, a couple putting up their hands in peace signs, and the stone-faced ensemble club as they performed. The scene of students talking amongst each other as they wore Greek-looking clothes was probably from a performance put on by the theater club. The students consulting each other in a corner of the hallway were the festival committee. The ones holding speakers in their arms were from the student council as they stood on guard. 

On the next panel, they had gathered the pictures from the class exhibitions and had several snapshots of the Miss Festival contestants. There was even Taiga in her angel wings doing her Yazawa-esque shout. There was Haruta dancing as he held the championship cup. Next to him, there was a happy Ami in her good girl mask with her dangerous mouth wide open in a laugh. They had a photo of the faces of the competitors in the Lucky Man race as they lined up before it started (the photography club had probably hidden Ryuuji’s face behind the other contenders’ heads on purpose). As though it were the natural and obvious way to do things, the photos where Ami looked like a queen and cracked her whip were on a panel of their own in an established corner, standing out prominently in the hallway of the wholesome public school.

The pictures captured the various smiles and scenes from the festival in different perspectives and recreated that day in its own miniature 2D world.

“They sure took a lot,” said Ryuuji.

“They said they were taking pictures of every student, no matter how bad. Actually, what’s with this Dimhuahua corner? It’s gross. I’m also in a lot of these. But I don’t need a picture of myself… Should I buy this Miss Festival one?”

“Buy it for the memories. I’m going to buy it and show Yasuko though.”

“If you’re buying it, then I don’t need to. MOTTAINAIIII.”

“You’re stingy when it comes to this?”

“Lip Balm: 500 yen. Photos: 10 yen.”

“Memories: Priceless…”

As he looked at the top of Taiga’s head while she crouched to check on the photos near the bottom, Ryuuji sniffled his menthol-permeated nose.

Even though it had happened just a few weeks ago, the scenes contained in the photos seemed strangely nostalgic. There had been a lot of difficult situations that had come up during the pro wrestling class exhibition, Taiga’s Miss Festival contest, and the Lucky Man Race. But it had been fun. That thought, and the thought that it had ended, made him feel sentimental for a few moments. Ryuuji’s drafty nostrils grew even chillier. The days had been packed with too much to do. He’d gotten into a fight with Minori, hadn’t he? So many things had happened—good things, things that hurt his heart, things that had made him think. As the sentimentality made his sanpaku eyes waver, they spotted a picture and halted.

“Right, Taiga! This one!”

When she was called, Taiga looked, and her eyes went wide. She stopped breathing, and her shoulders started quivering.

It was from the night of the festival, in the sparks as the stars fell.

In the photo, which was only a few centimeters long on each side, was the tiara-wearing angel and the vice president of the student council, holding each other’s hands and smiling in front of the campfire. The outline of their profiles was lit by the fire and, just as the rumors claimed, the two were gazing at each other like a real couple.

Ryuuji put exactly what he thought into words.

“It’s kind of…amazing. It’s a good picture.”

Taiga didn’t answer.

While not answering, she looked at that single photo. Finally, a faint smile appeared on her lips. Though Ryuuji was close enough to smell her hair, he couldn’t tell what Taiga was thinking. What he did know was the calmness of her gaze the moment she pulled down the photo and the whiteness of her fingertips as she reached out to inspect it.

Taiga finally nodded and wrote down the number, and then unexpectedly turned away.

“Upuh!”

She had been holding her breath.

“Puh…kyaa kyaa kyaa kyaa kyaa kyaa! Ahyaa hyaa hyaa kya kya kya kya! I can’t hold it back anymore! What is this?! One of those shrine talismans with the scary faces?!”

“Huh?”

The romance was blasted away all at once. Like an endlessly firing machine gun, she laughed jubilantly in a way that would have blown away anyone around her as she pointed at the next picture. He looked, wondering what in the world it could be.

“Th-that’s terrible!”

“Yeah, it’s terrible! Really, what’s with that face?! Were you joking around?!”

“I wasn’t! You’re the terrible one!”

He staggered as he held his head. It was too horrible—to laugh at this. Taiga was too horrible. The picture Taiga pointed to as she laughed out loud was of right before the after-hours festival. Ryuuji was at the dead center of it, head to head with Minori in the Lucky Man race.

The face in the picture really was terrible. That was true. His already villainous face was wrenched out of shape from running at full speed while out of breath. His face would have sent a demon running the other way barefooted. It was like a scene from a jump scare. He looked exactly like a wraith that was going after Minori to kill her. Even he couldn’t help but feel like the photography club had outdone itself in displaying it.

But he’d been desperate at the time. He didn’t have the time to think about his face. He just wanted to cheer Taiga up and got completely caught up in running. 

“Wh-who do you think I entered the Lucky Man race for? Why do you think I made that face?! I did all that for you.”

“Thank you so much—”

Taiga’s fingertips wiggled to the right and left side of her face.

“I ’preciate it—”

She used her fingers to pull her bottom eyelids down.

“’Kay!”

She stuck out her tongue. Then she turned herself around and went to look at the back of the panel.

“…”

Left behind, Ryuuji was so dumbfounded he lost the ability to speak.

Where in the world would someone need to go to learn that—to learn how to carve out someone’s heart in just three motions? Ryuuji sank down right where he was. Did he even have a comeback? Muda, muda, muda, muda, muda. Reason won’t get through to her.

“Ora, ora, ora, ora, ora, ora ora, ora, ora, ora, ora ora, ora, ora, ora, ora ora, ora, ora, ora, ora ora, ora, ora, ora, oraaaa!”

“Huh?!”

Ryuuji instinctually jumped back at the sudden and aggressive battle cry that rang out from beside him. “Whoa…”

“Ora, ora, ora…wah?! Takasu-kun, why are you sitting there?! Huh… Was it because of my ora ora-ing?!”

“N-no, no! I just had a lot going on in my head…”

The girl was slowly looking down at her own fist. He furiously waved his hand side to side, indicating it was okay. Well, if that was the case, then we’re good, she nodded gravely. The girl was Kushieda Minori.

Then, she smiled for him.

Ryuuji was in bliss.

He’d fallen in love with her when they were first years.

At the start of the second year, they had been in the same class. By the time spring ended, they had become friends. They went on a trip together in the summer, and he got the slightest glimpse into her mystery of a heart. In the fall, he was plagued by her expert eccentricity and the strange distance between them. They said terrible things and fought, but they also laughed together and made up under a starry night sky.

“You came to pick out pictures, too, Takasu-kun? What a coincidence.”

“Yeah.”

And now, they were at the beginning of winter.

“How do they look? Takasu-kun, are you getting a lot?”

“No, not really.”

“I see.”

She kept looking at the pictures, so he was facing her profile. As she talked to him, Minori started playfully swaying. The tips of her hair lightly brushed his shoulder a few times from where he sat beside her. Then Minori said something very quietly. 

“Drunken Fist.” 

Minori was that kind of girl. She was the recipient of Ryuuji’s long unrequited love. She was the simplest of people but more complex than anyone. She was a fragment of the sun, a mysterious creature born of radiant light. Coincidentally, when she was yelling “ora ora” earlier, that had simply been her vocalizing as she wrote down the numbers of the photos.

“Oh, Minoriiin!”

“Yup, Taigaaa!”

It seemed Taiga had heard her beloved tamer’s voice from behind the panel. Taiga lazily crouched, and her face appeared from below the panel as she bayed happily. Minori also crouched into the same pose. The two friends were consulting each other from down low as though they were straddling a Japanese-style traditional toilet. What are they doing? Ryuuji thought. He was taken aback, but they ignored his look.

“I found your picture, Minorin. Number eighty-one looks really cute.”

“Oh, four score and one, is it… I’ll remember that. Listen up, I have something I want to tell you, Taiga. You’ve got to check out nice and even 200. It’s got Ahmin in it—the word of the day is un-der-boob.”

“?!”

Ryuuji bent over backwards. Number 200?! Where is it?! It wasn’t as though he had an interest in Ami, but in what world was there a high school boy who wouldn’t look after being whispered that word?! Echo it, roar it, reach out to the world! All together now—“MOTTAINAI!”

“I’m always surprised at what a perverted dog you are…”

“O-oh, w-well I…”

At Taiga’s cold voice, he came back to reality, stopped walking, and returned to his senses. Right, Minori was there. He couldn’t do something so unbecoming. In a fluster, he tried to regain his composure. He casually noted number 200 to get it printed. He had done it thinking he wouldn’t get found out, but Taiga got a clear view of him from below and let out a loud sigh from beyond the panel.

“Seriously. Sometimes I think that I’ll die of shock at how strong your lust is.”

“Hey, that’s going way too far.”

“If you’re interested in Dimhuahua’s underboob, I’ll tell you this. She has…six boobs! I saw it!”

“She does not.”

It was too easy a retort. Taiga seemed unhappy as she puffed up her cheeks. Then she roughly pushed back her hair, which was so long it seemed about to touch the ground.

“Aaah, this is lame. I can’t keep up with your lust, Ryuuji. I’m heading back early. You just keep aiming your spontaneous horniness at Dimhuahua’s tits. I kind of feel like going to the bathroom, anyway. I’m going back to the classroom after that.”

“You got nature’s call because of the way you were sitting…”

In the face of Ryuuji’s nodding, she replied, “I don’t humor the vulgar.” Leaving with just those words, she heaved herself up. Taiga’s face disappeared. He could now only see the socks covering her ankles.

“What? Taiga, you’re going to the bathroom? If it would please you, would you like me to deliver you there?” Still planted where she was, Minori spoke as she watched Taiga, who didn’t stop walking.

“No, I can take myself.”

They could only see her slippers and ankles as she quickly walked away behind the panel and left them behind. Minori seemed lonely as she got up.

“What? She really left. But, Taiga infected me with something unthought of. That’s pee-oh-oh-pee…”

P-O-O-P—he put together the letters of the alphabet in his mind and Ryuuji lost sight of what he was saying as he looked down at Minori’s face. She noticed he was looking at her, and their gazes met for just a moment. 

“Nooooooo!”

Right then and there, Minori spun around like a top. She faced him again and, bam, her face was red.

“D-did I just say something super embarrassing?! It was totally unconscious, that’s scary! Whooooaaa, how embarrassing! But I’ll get past this with brute force! Let’s do it, Takasu-kun! It’s a duel of fate! Mwa ha ha ha haaa. This is gonna be amazing and cool. It’s suddenly Kushieda’s turn! Card draw!”

He didn’t know why she was trying to gloss it over (and it was already too late, anyway), but with sudden, grandiose movements, she abruptly showed Ryuuji her paper. There were several numbers written on it.

“Huh…”

“Bam. ★ I’m sacrificing 90 yen and recalling nine pictures now! In addition, reverse card open! Quick magic: ‘saw it just now’ invocation! Just now, I caught a glimpse of twenty-five. I’ll pay the cost of ten yen to recall this photo with the softball underclassmen! I’ll turn it to defense position and end my turn! There, it’s your turn Takasu-kun!”

“Uh, uh…”

“Look, if you’re not quick, it’ll always be my turn!”

“Huuuh?!”

“Seriously, you’re dull! No way, playing innocent! I’m asking you to ★ share ★ the pictures you bought! ★”

Fwish. She hit his shoulder with the hand holding her notes. He was a little happy, but he couldn’t show it on his face.

“Oh, is that it? That was kind of ridiculous… I really didn’t understand any of that.”

“Again with the jokes! Now, let me see? Which ones did you buy? Are you going to do the obvious class group photo attack position recall? Let me see, let me see.”

“Uhh, the ones I bought were—m-my turn.”

He began to show Minori his notes but then realized how dangerous the situation was. Huh. Wait a second, he thought, I can’t show this to her. He stopped moving as though he were suddenly petrified. What am I doing, being like ehee hee, i-it’s mah turn?

“Hm? What happened?”

“Oh, n-nothing…uhh.”

“How suspicious… Is there a problem with your deck? Will you let me just—”

“It’s fine!”

“Quite suspicious.”

Ryuuji gripped the paper in his damp hands and desperately hid it from Minori, who for some reason was ogling him, trying to get a look. If she saw he had only written down photos of Minori, his turn would end without him being able to do anything, and then he would explode (he didn’t know the rules). Casually, he tried to put the notes into his back pocket.

“Oh! What about that picture?!”

He pointed in an unrelated direction. Like a cat, with agile movements, he tricked Minori into looking there.

“Whoa, have we finally got a ghost photograph?!”

He planned on ending his turn with a note-in-pocket-while-she’s-looking-away “Aren’t we running out of time?” combo, but Minori’s voice dwindled off in a way he hadn’t expected.

“Oh! This…this picture…”

The picture Ryuuji had coincidentally pointed at wasn’t a ghost picture, but Minori was still staring intently at it.

“There was even a photo of the race here.”

Standing shoulder to shoulder with Minori, Ryuuji also looked up at it.

It was a photo of the race but different from the wraith one that Taiga had laughed at him for. It was right before they had jumped into the tape at the finishing line. With a look of decisiveness, Ryuuji was jumping into the tape chest first. Minori was right next to him, grasping at thin air, and her face was wrenched with frustration as though she were about to cry. They were pushing aside the others pursuing them. Even according to the photo, Ryuuji and Minori had reached the goal at the same time. They grasped at each other’s hands and roughly pulled at each other’s tracksuit sleeves as hard as they could.

Both of their faces were really, truly terrible. He couldn’t forget the warmth of holding her hand—it must have been a once in a lifetime event. As time passed, no matter how boring an adult he became, he would be able to remember that warmth in his hand just as brilliantly. He at least knew that for sure.

“It’s my turn again.” Minori looked down and said unexpectedly. She took out her notes again and used a mechanical pencil to quickly add another number. Then, still not showing her face, she thoroughly folded up the note and continued in a quiet voice, “Um, so, um, Takasu-kun.”

After that, she took a breath. 

“I’m going to buy this picture. Will you buy it with me in commemoration?”

He was paralyzed. The blood rushed in his ears.

“Y-yeah.”

Minori had asked him to buy it with her. To Ryuuji, her asking him to commemorate that moment was more precious than anything. If he wasn’t at his boiling point by now, he couldn’t have had blood in his body. He wouldn’t have been a living boy with passion flowing in his veins.

“Yeah. I’ll buy it. In commemoration.”

Ryuuji answered desperately even as he had trouble getting his mouth to move. He continued to nod. He was so incredibly happy that his face felt like it was almost on fire. Minori was so dazzling as she started counting change she had pulled out of her pocket that he couldn’t look at her.

***

“Okaaay, please get to your seats. We’re starting the end-of-day homeroom.”

Sin-gle, creaked the teacher’s platform as the thirty-year-old bachelorette (Koigakubo Yuri, the homeroom teacher) appeared.

One day of hard work was over. Although her chin looked a little oily, her face wasn’t dull and her makeup held up. The bright smile she turned to her students was that of a proper homeroom teacher’s. She had gotten a trim recently to refresh her look. Maybe it was because of that, but she looked absolutely stylish. She might have even lost some weight.

She didn’t hide her figure with her clothes, either. She wore a slimming white jacket and a knee-length skirt that was properly fitted. The rose gold necklace that went well with her complexion bore a teardrop diamond that was feminine and modestly radiant. She wore an omega constellation watch on her delicate wrist. None of it was too gaudy for a teacher. The bachelorette was well on her way to leaving her simple appearance behind. After dashing into her thirties, the spinster had burned herself into ash, and her spirit had revived. Like a phoenix, she wouldn’t rest. The hellfire of age bore down on her, but she’d taken flight at the same pace. If she stopped moving, it was likely she would simply die.

Naturally, the students weren’t in a position to know what had happened to the bachelorette.

“Now, now, everyone, please get to your seats. Quiet down.”

No matter how tenaciously the bachelorette fluttered, the healthy chatter of the second years wasn’t something that could easily be interrupted. They were still wandering around and making a commotion, and half of them hadn’t gotten to their seats.

“Get with the program, now.”

Pop.

At the same time a vein popped on the bachelorette’s forehead from anger…the classroom’s time and space made an audible sound as it warped, siiin-gle.

“Ugh?!”

“My ears hurt…”

Several girls with weak ear canals suddenly held their heads and staggered.

“I said…get to your seats. Now. Go. I want to get out of school as soon as possible today. I got an introduction to someone. He’s thirty-four. He’s an associate professor at a college. He’s a second son, but he apparently owns property. He just needs a wife now. His mother and father are both teachers, and they want his wife to be a teacher, too. On top of that, they’re living with the first-born son. It’s a miracle. This is a miracle. It’s the object of a miracle. We messaged each other four times, and we get along better than I thought we would, so we’re going to a movie together! After that, we’re eating! After that, we’ll see where the mood takes us! For today—for today, I’m…I’m I-I-I…fowwwwww!”

S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sin-sin-sin-sin-sin-sin-gle! 

“What is with this pressure?!”

“I felt terror just now!” 

At the miasma blasting from the teacher’s platform, the bustling students of 2-C all went to their seats in two seconds flat. I’ve got this. My guidance abilities are full on, the bachelorette thought as she pulled down her curled hair, which had been standing on end. She resumed her kind, homeroom teacher smile.

“Tch…”

However, the click of a tongue made the bachelorette freeze. It came from near the center of the classroom, along with a gaze that prickled like an overgrown thicket of brambly vines. Of course, the one glaring at the bachelorette with her face warped in anger was the Palmtop Tiger. The problem child in question, who had the name of a tiger, couldn’t seem to help being angry about having to hurry because of the bachelorette’s selfish reasons. Her eyes, which were large with envy, lit up bright. She ogled the bachelorette’s lips, which might have been overdone with gloss.

“Uh…uhh…”

Normally, she would just be pushed into submission by now, but today the bachelorette’s singleness was on a different level. Sin-gle! She closed her mouth and looked back at Taiga. She planted her strong six-centimeter heels to the earth… She held her ground in the classroom.

“I-I won’t lose! I’m having a five-year reunion with my high school classmates next month… Even if I can’t get engaged, I need to at least snag a boyfriend, or I can’t go! Class rep, please give the command!”

But the voice that should have answered the bachelorette was missing.

Again?—someone in 2-C let a bewildered whisper slip. The bachelorette’s singular eyebrows knitted together to make a single furrow. Of course, Ryuuji was among those who were confused. He turned his glinting psycho eyes to his friend, who had been out of it for a while. It wasn’t that Ryuuji was so angry at the tardy reply that he’d threaten to slit his friend’s throat so he’d never make a sound again—he was just worried.

“Class rep! Kitamura-kun! Heeey!”

“…Huh? Uhh…”

He was called on several times by the bachelorette. After a while, the class representative Kitamura Yuusaku opened his eyes from behind his glasses. His bangs were uneven and dry, he was sitting crooked, and his shoulders were stooped. Even when he stood, his actions seemed encumbered, and he staggered.

“Stand. Bow. That was a good meal…”

No one was able to follow. Everyone watched in worry as Kitamura planted himself back down in his chair. Taiga also scowled and seemed forlorn as she turned to watch Kitamura’s vacant face. Taiga was worried about her burned out, unrequited love in her own way. She didn’t notice that there was a group watching her with disturbed eyes.

“Seriously, the Palmtop Tiger’s a girl to be reckoned with.”

“How can dating leave a guy that haggard? What could they be doing?”

That was the aforementioned rumor, though it was a bit embellished upon. What they were whispering to each other was that Kitamura didn’t just have ordinary burnout. Instead, what had happened was that Kitamura had been completely drained after he started dating the Palmtop Tiger and been coerced into being her plaything. Kitamura was on his last legs, and on top of that, Taiga seemed to be hanging out with Ryuuji as usual even though she was supposed to have dumped him. Common knowledge held that the two boys were supposedly at the cruel mercy of the terrifying female tiger. Even among the students who insisted on taking rumors to be the truth, these particular rumors only passed among those convinced of the most extreme exaggerations of what was going on (and it might have been better to just call them rubberneckers with an abnormal appetite for drama).

The students exchanged looks with different meanings in them in front of the teacher. The bachelorette forced a single smile on her face. She couldn’t be dilly-dallying in a place like this. She had thirty minutes left before the associate professor would be in front of the theater’s fountain, and she only had a month until the reunion, too. Her cousin’s kid would be in junior high in the next year, too. Then, in ten years, she would be forty.

“N-now! It seems like there’s a lot of stuff going on, but let’s all keep it upbeat!”

Still smiling, the bachelorette glanced at the now-useless former class representative, who was currently a corpse. The corpse, as ever, was absentmindedly looking out the window and not even paying attention. Though the bachelorette was in a hurry, it wasn’t as though she wasn’t worried about the corpse.

She made her voice even louder and put a recovery charm on the corpse—or tried to, anyway.

“Tomorrow is Friday. It’s the last weekday of this week, right?! And you’re all just waiting for the break to start, right?! Right, the student council presidential election will also be starting! Right, Kitamura-kun?! You’ve got to bring your game and cheer up! You’re the top runner for president next semester. Actually, you’re the only one! Right!”

At the bachelorette’s words, the classroom went into an uproar. YEAH! It wasn’t as though they were excited for the election. To be frank, no one actually had any interest in the student council president election.

“Right, the election! It’s another event!”

“So it’s already that time of year. That was quick!”

“Well, the next president is obviously guaranteed to be Kitamura!”

Reading the atmosphere, everyone in 2-C applauded. The bachelorette also applauded. The class was getting riled up, though it seemed a little forced, “Yay! Yay!” They were doing it all for the corpse. If only there were another event, Kitamura the corpse would be cured of his burnout. He would burn for the battle that was the election and come back from the dead as the student council president.

At this point, Ryuuji was also applauding loudly and purposefully as he exchanged glances with Noto and Haruta.

“Hey, Kitamura, you’ve got this! We’re also going to help you with campaigning, of course!”

“Yes! Let’s get pumped up! Right, Kitamura!”

“Should we do pro wrestling again?! Do you want me to write a script?!”

Aha haa, Haruta’s such an idiot, what good does that do for a campaign? 

Huh, I’m not an idiot, I’m not, I’m really not! 

You’re an idiot.

Right, Kitamura, having someone like that supporting you would just mean trouble.

Right.

“…It…”

Someone who’d gotten swept away by the collective mood patted Kitamura’s back. Something had come out of Kitamura’s mouth.

“Hm? What, what is this? What’s wrong, Kitamura?”

“…Qu…”

“Hmmm? What’s wrong, class rep?”

I wonder what’s going on, I can’t hear anything, anyway, thought Koigakubo. Well then, let’s finish closing formalities and finish up, right? Let’s do that. The bachelorette smiled and tried to quickly give her selfish command.

BAM!

The corpse kicked away his chair and stood up.

The chair fell. The sound must have reached the floor below. At the sudden twist, everyone looked up at the corpse in bewilderment. The bachelorette’s smile twitched and froze. Ryuuji, Noto, Haruta, and Taiga also froze. Even Ami stopped thoughtlessly polishing her nails and opened her eyes wide as she looked up at her childhood friend, back from the land of the dead. The whole class froze.

The next sound was the honest voice of Kitamura that they hadn’t heard in so long.

“I’m not entering the presidential election… I’m quitting the council, too. I’m quitting. I’m quitting it all! All of it! I’m quitting, quitting, quitting, quitting, quitting! I-I-I’m…”

His voice crossed through the classroom, carrying unnecessarily far.

“I’m quitting it AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!”