Chapter 2 The Way of the Mother Teaches the Art of Using the Body and Tools to Do Housework…Apparently.
Soft shouts echoed across the inn’s garden.
“Hah! And… Yah! Rah!”
The morning sunlight made Firmamento, the Holy Sword of the Heavens, sparkle.
The morning power put wind in the sails of Masato’s practice swings.
“Humph… Good enough for today.”
One last dramatic swing, and his morning training was complete.
“Not often do I wake up early enough to practice like this…but it’s pretty heroic of me. I’m really starting to embody this whole hero thing. Soon all shall know I’m the hero. Mwa-ha-ha.”
After indulging himself with this fantasy, it was time to do something about all this sweat.
Masato put away the sword and went inside, down the hall to the bath.
“Man, my body’s in top shape now! Just look at these biceps. Buff as heck. Mwa-ha-ha.”
Standing in his underwear in the changing room, he flexed a few times, admiring the results, then took off his underwear, flexed again, went into the spacious bath, and flexed some more, thoroughly satisfied with himself.
After one more flex, it was time to wash his hair. Just as he had shampoo bubbles everywhere…
“Mm?”
…he sensed someone behind him.
A moment later, something extremely soft pressed up against his back. “Wha—?!” And whoever that was pressed up against him began to massage his scalp.
Both the sensation on his back and the hands on his head felt familiar.
This was definitely a mom shampoo. With all the soap, he couldn’t open his eyes to see, but he was sure.
You could search the whole world over and only find one person who would do this to him!
“Hey, Mom! What the heck?!”
His protests were basically a reflex at this point.
“I’m just bringing you some towels! It’s almost time for breakfast, so don’t take too long!”
Mamako’s voice came from the changing room.
Not from behind him.
“Uh… Wait, what?”
He quickly dumped some water on his head, rinsing away the shampoo.
And when he turned around—
“……………Huh?”
—no one was there.
“I could’ve sworn that was my mom… But she was in the changing room. Then who was washing my hair? I definitely felt it, so it couldn’t have been a ghost… Hmm…”
Masato left the bathroom to investigate.
The party was staying at an inn set aside for mothers participating in the tournament and those affiliated with them. The interior design was certainly upscale, with an elegance that definitely made it feel more luxurious than the inns they usually stayed at.
Masato was outside the girls’ room. He knocked once, then opened the door and peeked in.
“Zzzz… Mmph…”
Wise was lying there, sprawled out like she was in the middle of some bizarre dance—typical—belly and panties partially on display.
“…Mm…mm…” Poke, poke.
Medhi was lying next to her, breathing peacefully but prodding Wise with her staff in her sleep.
“Mmph… I wanna…cheer…for Mama… Zzz…”
Porta appeared to be trying her best, even in her dreams.
All three girls were still sound asleep.
“From the way those things felt, only Medhi was even a remote possibility…”
But she was still out cold. It didn’t seem at all possible she’d given Masato a shampoo, come running back here, and was now pretending to sleep.
Porta and Wise were ruled out based on size alone.
“So… What the heck? Was it Mom? …Huh. I don’t get it.”
Had the mom shampooing him been Mamako’s afterimage? A ninja art? A clone?
All seemed unlikely…so the only remaining option was to ask her.
“Mom’s probably getting breakfast ready. I’ll check there.”
The tournament committee had rented out the entire inn, but the inn’s staff were absent. Guests had to do their own cooking and laundry.
Mothers participating in the tournament were all housework experts, so taking care of these things was like an easy warm-up. Supposedly.
“No matter what inn we stay at, Mom ends up doing the laundry and cooking herself…even when she’s got a tournament to win.”
He left the room and went down the hall, lured by the smell of breakfast.
Someone must have been chopping pickled vegetables; he could hear the tok-tok-tok of a knife on a cutting board.
A familiar sound: his mother at work.
Masato stepped into the dining room, took a seat at the table, and called out to her:
“Hey, Mom, question for you.”
Mamako, working in the kitchen, called back…
“Oh my! I have a son? I had no idea! Hee-hee-hee.”
“…Huh?”
No—that wasn’t her usual voice. It was certainly every bit as kind as Mamako’s voice, but there was something off about it.
“Er, huh? …You’re…not my mom?”
Masato turned toward the kitchen.
The woman standing there was dressed in grass-green clothes, like a hunter. She had long blond hair…
…and long, pointy ears.
“Oh! …A-are you…an elf?!”
“Yes! I’m an elf.”
The woman turned around. Taut features, long and narrow eyes, those distinctive pointed ears—definitely a female elf.
As Masato stood there stunned, the girls came filing into the dining room.
“Yaaawn… Yo, Masato, it’s too early for you to be yelling like— Huh? Who’s that?!”
“An elf…?”
“Um… G-good morning!”
“Yes, it is a lovely morning. Wise, Medhi, Porta, Masato…I see everyone’s up! I’d better hurry and finish breakfast!”
The elf lady gave them all a gentle smile and went back to her cooking.
She seemed so busy, they hesitated to say more.
“Um…,” started Masato. “I hate to interrupt, but…”
“What is it? Oh, yes! I haven’t introduced myself! My name is Chaliele. I’m an elf mother. Nice to meet you!”
“Chaliele… Nice to meet you, too.”
“So if you’re an elf mom, and you’re here at this inn,” said Wise, “you must be…?”
“Part of the World Matriarchal Arts Tournament?” asked Medhi.
“That’s right! I came in second in the prelims. One step behind Mamako!”
“Amazing! You’re Mama’s rival!”
“So, Chaliele, what are you doing here?” Masato asked her. “It sounded like you knew us…”
“I’m staying at this inn, too. And I heard all about you from Mamako! I met her earlier, and we got to talking…and since we’re all pressed for time, we decided to split up the housework.”
She’d been cooking through their entire conversation, but now she paused.
“Hmm… I don’t think I’ve got enough ingredients.”
“Oh, then should I run out and buy something?” offered Masato.
“My, how nice of you! Thanks for offering! But don’t worry. I thought this might happen, so I came prepared.”
Chaliele reached into her pocket and pulled out a few small paper parcels.
“This is an elf mother’s secret weapon: a Food Source. You use it like this…”
First, she opened the bundle with a drawing of a mushroom on it. Inside was a powder. She took a pinch of this and sprinkled it on the cutting board…
…and a bunch of tasty-looking mushrooms grew out of it!
Next was a bundle with peas on it. A pinch of powder, scattered on the kitchen’s mud walls, and…
Buds grew out of the wall, stems rising, flowers blooming, and a number of pea pods appeared!
“As you can see, elf mothers can get ingredients whenever they need them!”
“Wow!” marveled Wise. “Growing your own ingredients in the kitchen and cooking them as you harvest! That’s nuts…”
“I can see why you placed so highly… You’re a kitchen powerhouse,” said Medhi, followed by Porta and Masato: “Amazing! What a surprise!” “That’s definitely quite the skill…”
“I’ll just grow some more! That way, all of you can eat your fill.”
Chaliele opened all the other packets, sprinkling powder on the floor and pillars. The room was soon filled with different types of beans and mushrooms, and the kitchen was overflowing with natural ingredients.
Observing all this, Masato frowned.
Definitely amazing, but that’s gonna be hell to clean up…
But as he watched the kitchen vanish under the vegetation, he decided not to mention it.
Mamako finished the laundry and joined them, and it was time to eat.
Set atop the table were rice and peas, mushroom miso soup, boiled potatoes, and a salad of pickled veggies. A healthy menu, full of the natural ingredients elves took such pride in.
On one side sat the elf mother, Mamako, and Porta.
On the other: Wise, Masato, and Medhi.
Everyone helped themselves as soon as they took their seats.
“This is my first time eating elf food,” said Masato. “I wonder what it’s like? I can’t wait!”
“I hope you all enjoy it…”
“My tongue’s gotten used to Mamako’s cooking, so it’s pretty picky! All right… Let’s start with the soup! Here goes!” Wise often claimed miso soup had vital MP restoration powers.
Chaliele watched nervously as she took a sip.
“Hmm… It’s…pretty dang good!”
The verdict: PASS!
“Definitely a different stock than Mamako uses, but I like it!”
“We make the stock from kelp that grows in the mountains, not the sea. It’s quite common in elf settlements but I imagine not widely used by other races.”
“Yeah? Then I’d better try some, too…” Masato took a sip. “Wow, it is really good. No arguments from me.”
Porta chimed in, “I agree! It goes perfectly with the peas and rice!”
“I can see why you qualified for the main tournament,” said Medhi. “Mamako has a serious rival already.”
“Oh yeah. That’s right. They’re being friendly and divvying up the chores, but…Mom and Chaliele might have to fight later.”
As he spoke, he quietly activated his skill, A Child’s Sense. Just to make sure—and to measure her potency.
When he glanced across the table…he saw Mamako and Chaliele bathed in carnation-colored light. This red color was proof of motherhood. They were definitely both mothers.
And both produce about the same volume of light…
How bright a mother glowed was a sign of how powerful a mother she was. Which meant…
…unless her race could freely adjust their degree of motherhood, they were roughly evenly matched.
“Mom, you can’t let your guard down against Chaliele.”
“That is true. Hee-hee. Mommy’s so excited!” She smiled.
“I’m looking forward to it myself! I’m not about to let Mamako win!” Chaliele smiled, too.
Both mothers wore matching gentle grins. “Doesn’t seem like they’re ever going to fight…” The mood definitely contained no promise of blood-drenched mortal combat in their future.
Then Wise spoke up.
“Oh, hey, I was wondering… Should we really be eating all of this? What about your kids, Chaliele?”
This question drew a sad smile from Chaliele.
“Don’t worry about it. My child isn’t here with me… She left the settlement a long time ago, and I have no idea where she is.”
“Oh my goodness!” exclaimed Mamako. “I had no idea. You must be so worried!”
“I just wish she’d told me more before she left. All I know is that she went to the capital of Catharn to join someone’s party…”
“The capital of Catharn? Didn’t we…?”
That was the first place Masato and Mamako had gone after entering the game and where they’d first met Wise and Porta.
And come to think of it…
Huh? Didn’t we meet an elf, too…?
They definitely had.
An elf girl had applied to join Masato’s party.
Her name was Salite. Nineteen, in human years. An elf priestess who dedicated her life to prayer, the type of deeply religious person you definitely wanted to avoid.
Unfortunately, she had failed to pass Mamako’s mom interview…
“…Um, Chaliele, what’s your daughter like?”
“Well…if I do say so myself, she’s a wonderful girl. Sincere, thoughtful, gets along with everybody. I’m very proud of her.”
“Oh… If she’s that sociable, then I guess I’m thinking of the wrong elf.”
“Also, her name’s Salite. She’s nineteen in human years.”
“Pfffft?!”
Miso soup sprayed everywhere. “Ma-kun! Are you all right?” “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” “I’m a lot less fine!” The spray had shot in the direction of Wise, but everyone else was unharmed. Whew.
A miso-soaked Sage punched Masato hard in the shoulder, but he was used to that by now.
“Uh, Chaliele? You don’t know anything else? Like, her current job or…any religious affiliations?”
“I haven’t heard from her, so I can’t say…but I’m sure she’s fine. She has a good head on her shoulders.”
“I…I see…”
For better or worse, Chaliele was unaware of her daughter’s current status.
Which meant he had better watch out for Mamako.
If Mom figures it out and says something weird, it could mean trouble!
It was Mamako who stamped a failure mark on Chaliele’s daughter at that interview.
She had good reasons for it, but Chaliele knew none of that and would hardly be pleased to hear about it. She’d be upset. She might even get downright angry.
The moment she found out about the interview results, things between them would start to fester.
Was there a risk that this pleasant competition could turn into a tragic blood feud?!
He had to ensure this stayed secret!
“Ma-kun, what’s wrong? You’ve gone white as a sheet! Are you feeling sick?”
“No!! No, I’m fine!! Never better!! …Uh…Chaliele! I hope you find your daughter…maybe not soon but…sometime after the tournament’s over!”
“Yes, that’s my hope. By joining this tournament, I hope news of me will spread across the world, and she’ll see it and come back home. That’s the main reason I decided to join in. Hee-hee!”
“Oh, then you simply must do your very best. I certainly will be! Hee-hee!”
Both mothers grinned, vowing to fight the good fight. Mamako seemed to have entirely forgotten Salite.
Meanwhile, Wise and Porta hadn’t noticed either—and Medhi hadn’t joined the party until much later.
Only Masato was left with a stomachache.
At least we got through that safely… Let’s hope we can keep the peace. Lord! Hear my plea!
In his mind’s eye, he clasped his hands, offering up a fervent prayer.
There was something he’d meant to ask Mamako, but he had completely forgotten about it.
Once everyone was ready, it was time to set out.
“Make sure you haven’t forgotten anything!”
“Yeah, only moms need to check that stuff? We’re not actually in the tournament…”
“Oh, hang on! We’re volunteer staff!”
“We mustn’t forget our staff badges. We need those to abuse our positions and observe the matches from a location far better than the stands. Where are those badges?”
“Don’t worry! I’ve got all our badges! Here you go!”
“Sounds like everyone’s ready. As am I!” Chaliele had a grass-green leather bag on her back.
“Right, then—”
““Let’s go! Yay!””
“I knew you’d interrupt me. Didn’t think it would be both of you at once! Moms!”
With the mothers leading the way, the party moved out and headed down the wide road from the inn to the tournament hall.
They might have to fight today, but Mamako and Chaliele seemed super-relaxed. They were chattering away like friends whose kids had grown up together.
Meanwhile, the children following them were all looking pretty tense.
“Geez… They are waaaay too chill about this,” grumbled Masato.
“With true power comes great aplomb,” remarked Wise. “I’m kinda jealous… Us, on the other hand…”
“We can’t afford to let our guard down, not after discovering two of the Four Heavenly Kings of the Libere Rebellion,” said Medhi. “They may have chosen a very silly way of infiltrating, but they remain a threat.”
“I’ve prepared a lot of recovery items! Leave that to me!”
“As if that wasn’t enough, I have my own stuff to worry about… Sigh, I’m already tired.” Masato flicked the badge hanging from his neck, scanning his surroundings.
The street was crowded. Humans, elves, beastkin, giants, fairies, androids—all sorts of fantasy races, all headed toward the tournament hall. The vast majority must have been spectators. There were staff working as guides here and there, ensuring a smooth flow of foot traffic.
There were a lot of eyes on them. Naturally. Mamako was the biggest name in the tournament.
But the hero—me—hardly has any presence to speak of… Ha-ha…
The thought made him want to cry, so he put it out of his mind.
The more he looked around, the more eyes he accidentally met, so he elected to keep his gaze facing straight ahead.
This gave him an excellent view of Chaliele’s pointy ears.
Elf ears… I do like them… Wonder what they feel like…
He must have stared a little too long, because Chaliele stopped and turned toward him.
“You find my ears interesting, Masato?”
“Er? Uh, um… Well, yes. I guess I can admit to being super-curious.”
“I see. Then go ahead and touch them.”
“You mean it?!”
“Yes, I don’t mind…on the condition that you become my son. Hee-hee.”
“Whaaaaaat?!”
This cry of surprise came not from Masato, but from Mamako.
“Chaliele?! H-h-how could Ma-kun become your son?!”
“Quite literally. After all, Masato offered to help with the cooking, and here he is coming to cheer you on in the tournament! He’s such a good boy… Masato, what do you say? Do you want to be my son?”
“I…”
“Ma-kun! Ma-kun, Ma-kun, Ma-kun! Can we talk?”
Before Masato could say a word, Mamako pulled him close.
She brushed her hair back, showing him her ear.
“Well, Ma-kun? Mommy’s ears! See?!”
“So what? The heck is—?”
She was pushing up against him, ears front and center.
The girls all shook their heads.
“Come on, Masato! Take a hint!” said Wise, exasperated. “Chaliele’s invitation made Mamako jealous!”
“Huh? Jealous?! Of what?!”
“How can anyone be so dense…? This is bad news. Mamako’s unleashed the special mom skill A Mother’s Envy—a charge skill. Once she stores up enough jealousy, she unleashes a powerful technique—”
“Yo, Medhi…can you stop making stuff up? There is no such skill.”
“I’m not so sure! This is Mama we’re talking about!”
“Urk… Th-that’s true… As long as we’re talking about my mom, literally anything is possible… Still…”
“See, Ma-kun?! Mommy’s ears? Well? Do you like them?!” Shove, shove.
“Arghhh! Knock it off! I don’t—”
But before he could say he didn’t care…
“You must be Mamako Oosuki! I’ve found you at last!”
…a woman’s voice interrupted, shouting over him. Or maybe a mother’s?
A shadow was racing across the roofs that lined the street, moving so fast, all they could see was a blur. “And hup!” she shouted, leaping with superhuman strength and landing in front of the party.
She looked exactly like any other middle-aged woman.
But she had a fluffy tail and animal ears. They appeared to be canine.
She was carrying five young children in slings: three on her back, one on each side.
“Most people would have hurt themselves falling from that height, but you made it look effortless…,” marveled Masato. “Who are you…?”
“I’m a beastkin mom! And—!”
But before she could continue: “Yay!” “She jumped!” “Wow!” “Do it again!” “Please!” Her children started kicking up a fuss, tiny tails wagging. They looked like a boisterous bunch.
“Yes, yes, later, okay? Mom’s gotta talk to these people now. You there, girls with the staff badges—you’re with the tournament, right? I’m gonna leave the little ones with you.”
“““Huh?”””
While Wise stood stunned—“Waaait?!”—two kids were foisted off on her, followed by two on Medhi. “No warning?!” And one on Porta. “Whoa!” No protests were heeded.
“Whew… Got that taken care of. Now, where are my manners?”
The beastkin mother faced Mamako…
But then—
“Oh, it’s Mamako Oosuki! I simply must say hello!”
—a water spout shot up from the corner, and a giant ball of water was flung upward…
…scoring a direct hit on Masato. “Hey, you could’ve killed me!!” But it was actually surprisingly soft; he was unharmed.
The ball was too large for him to really get his arms around it; and inside was a fantastical creature. The upper half was a human woman, and the lower half, a fish.
And a pouch with a child inside was hanging in front of her.
“Now, I’m probably wrong here, but…you must be a shishamo-with-child mermaid… Nah, that would just be ridiculous! Ah-ha-ha—!”
“No, you’re right! I am a shishamo mermaid, and I am a mother with a child!”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me…”
“Oh, you there, the staff girl in red. Nice timing! I need to talk to Mamako Oosuki for a minute, so can you hold my child?”
“Huh? Wha—?! Me?! Wait, hold up! I’m not on day care duty! I’m not even good at it! Like, I learned my lesson last time, but… Hey… Augh!”
With two beastkin children already latched onto her, Wise now found herself holding a mermaid child. “Blub, blub!” it squealed. “Ack, it’s all wiggly!” Wise had been slapped twice by its little tail already. It was kinda funny.
But then…
“I do beg your pardon! I almost got crushed there!”
…a tiny person crawled out of Masato’s shirt pocket, wearing a hat made from a flower. “Wha—? How? When did you…?!” It was a fairy woman about the size of his palm, with butterfly wings on her back. And she had a kid, too.
“Mommy’s going to go greet her rival. You stay with this day care lady and be good, okay?”
“Okay! Bye-bye, Mommy!”
“Day care lady… What?! Me?!”
The thumb-sized child fairy took a seat on Medhi’s head. That was settled.
And then…
“Wow! Mamako Oosuki! It’s a mom meet and greet!”
…the earth shook, and a massive mom and child came skipping over. The mother giant towered over fifteen feet tall, and her little girl over nine. The mother seemed rather thickheaded.
“Mommy’s gonna say hi, ’kay? You be nice to the day care people!”
“Got it! Hey, tiny lady! Let’s play!”
“Eep?! Am I the tiny lady?!”
Porta was only a little over four feet tall, but now she was babysitting a giant more than twice her size. “Let’s play!” “O-okay! I can play!” But she was still trying her best—such a good girl.
By this time, the crowd was absurd. Everyone was talking at once.
“How many of them are…? Augh! Not another one!”
They were still coming. More and more of them.
A brilliant magic circle appeared in the sky, and an angel clutching a child descended toward them.
Darkness spewed out of the gap between two buildings, and a devil appeared in a sexy, far too revealing outfit.
In the distance, a dragon attacked. Above their heads were what looked like a dragonewt mother and child.
A sudden puff of smoke nearby, and a ninja with a child appeared.
What now…?
“I’m sure they’re all mothers appearing in the tournament… They’re all trying to greet Mom, apparently. In that case…”
Mamako needed to greet them and settle down this mess. Right!
“Mom! Only way to stop this madness is if you—”
“Hey, Ma-kun! Mommy’s ears! See?! You can touch them!” Shove, shove.
“You’re still doing that?! This isn’t the time!”
Mamako remained in a fit of jealousy, oblivious to the swarm of mothers around them.
He clearly had to handle this outburst of envy first. There was only one thing to do.
Masato put his fingers on the lobes of Mamako’s ears and waggled them.
“Well, Ma-kun, what do you think?”
“Uh, sure, sure. They feel fine. Mom’s ears.” Waggle.
“That’s right! These are your mommy’s ears! Don’t ever forget them!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Feeling better now? Time we moved forward. Come on!”
“Oh, Ma-kun…you don’t understand how Mommy feels at all… But oh well. I do have a tournament to enter!”
She still seemed a little disgruntled but, shaking such thoughts out of her mind, broke into a run.
She was headed for the back of the tournament hall, the contestant’s entrance. This was where the battles would unfold, where the mothers who had attacked them on the road would lie in wait…
And Mamako came running up carrying a towering pile of boxes.
“Sorry to keep you all waiting! First… Everyone who wrote me a letter, if I could just return the favor. My son, Ma-kun, discovered the most wonderful treats! They’re just scrumptious!”
“Oh my! How polite! …But wait… I thought I sent you a challenge?”
“Whatever the thoughts behind it, if someone sends you something, you must thank them! That’s just good manners! Any mother would do the same.”
“And the way she slipped in a humblebrag about her son… There’s a mother who has her priorities straight.”
“She’s already scored a point on all of us. But I won’t lose in the real fight! Heh-heh-heh.”
All types of mothers gathered, accepting the treat boxes, chattering about this and that…
But Masato had completely lost interest. He was deliberately looking in another direction.
“Where mothers gather, children fear to tread. If I let myself get sucked into that, I’ll just regret it.”
These moments required children to abuse their status at full throttle, making a great show of apathy.
Time to put his mind on other things.
“The mothers are inside the tournament hall. Now we just have to wait for the matches to begin… What should we do next? As much as I’d love to relax in the stands, we are volunteer staff… Anyone around to explain—er, infooorm us about what work we should be doing?” Masato half joked.
“Ah yes. You rang?”
“Gah?!”
A mysterious nun appeared right next to Masato. “Where did you come from?!” “I was following you closely, yet unobtrusively.” Shiraaase had raised being calmly aggravating to an art form.
“In point of fact, I do have a job for you all. Additionally, since I am on the executive committee and quite important, and you are all mere volunteer staff, you have no right to refuse my orders.”
“Wow, way to abuse the system… So what do you want?”
“Masato, you join me in the tournament hall. The opening ceremony will begin soon, and I’d like you to participate.”
“You need my help with that? Well, I’m sure it’s just behind the scenes, so… Fine. I’ll do it. Let’s go.”
Masato started to walk away, but…
“Maaaaaaaasaaaaaaaaaaatoooooooooo! You’re gonna pay for this!”
…he could have sworn he’d heard Wise’s voice from somewhere, tinged with fury.
His imagination? Probably. Yeah. Of course. Masato kept walking.
“Right, time to die… Spara la magia—”
“Hey?! No more magic punishments! Calm down!”
Masato hastily spun around and saw…
…Wise, clutching struggling beastkin children under each arm, looking extreeeeemely pissed off.
Next to her was Medhi, holding a thrashing mermaid child in her arms, with a fairy child on her head trying to pull her headband off, looking extreeeeemely stone-faced.
And behind the two of them was Porta, cradled like a doll in the arms of a little-girl giant, looking more like she was the one being babysat, her smile growing ever more strained.
“Masato! You know perfectly well we’re in trouble, and you’ve been ignoring it as hard as you can!”
“You feared if you tried to help at all, you’d get sucked in, so you ran as far from day care duties as you could, abandoning your friends!”
“Er, um… I’d really appreciate some help, too…”
“Sorry! Really sorry! I was only thinking of myself, and I feel very bad about it!”
He was an awful person.
“Look, seriously, I really, really, REALLY can’t deal with kids!” Wise yelled. “So stop apologizing and go get someone to help us! NOW! Or I will chain cast you to death two thousand times in a row!”
“If you feel even the slightest tinge of genuine contrition, it is your responsibility, your duty to improve this situation as soon as humanly possible,” Medhi growled. “If you do not, I have no idea what form my vengeance upon you will take, so I leave that to your wildest imaginings.”
“Masato… Please…” Porta sobbed. “Please help us…”
“R-right! Got it! Leave it to me! I’ll find a way to save you! By immediately tossing this problem to Shiraaase, with her executive committee privileges!”
“Hmm… It seems the children are rather fond of you. An excellent opportunity to improve your maternal skills… Wise, Medhi, Porta, I leave these children to you.”
“““Noooooooooooooooooooo!!”””
Shiraaase was the most awful person of all.
Let us lower the curtain before this decision can be overturned.
But first…
“Shiraaase’s orders, so there’s nothing I could do… It’s not my fault… Please understand… I genuinely wanted to save you guys! Believe me…!”
Muttering excuses, Masato finished his business and left the staff bathroom.
And found her waiting for him in the hall.
“Mm? Uh, Mom?”
At a glance, he addressed her as such, but…
The woman standing there was wearing a black dress.
She was exactly Mamako’s height. Her face looked exactly like Mamako’s, too, albeit with a much darker expression.
But it wasn’t Mamako.
“Oh, sorry… I didn’t mean…!” he spluttered, correcting himself. Then he asked, “Uh, um… This area is for staff and contestants only, so…are you in the tournament?”
“………”
The lady in black said nothing. She merely raised a hand.
She touched Masato’s hair, straightening it out…and then left without a word.
“Wh-what the…? …Geez, she looked waaaay too much like Mom…”
He stood staring after her for a moment, then said, “Oh, crap, the ceremony’s starting!” He had other priorities. He’d have to think about this later.
The World Matriarchal Arts Tournament main hall, where the chosen mothers would do battle.
At the center of the hall, surrounded by stands, was a rectangular stage with the same kind of wood floors a typical house might have.
Between the stands and the stage was a kid’s area, where children could run around and play. This way, the mothers battling onstage could keep an eye on their kids whenever they felt the need, and the children’s cheers would reach their ears. It was a layout designed to benefit mothers and children alike. And the childcare staff were always on hand for peace of mind.
Said childcare staff was, of course, the three girls, still mobbed by children.
“Argh! Sure, we might be able to see the matches from the best seats in the house, but I’m still pissed!”
“And we have to look after strangers’ children in full view of the public… I can’t imagine a harsher trial…”
“Wh-whoa… The whole crowd’s staring at us…”
This was a tournament for mothers. Mothers made up a hefty percentage of the crowd. Stern gazes were permanently fixed on Wise, Medhi, and Porta. The girls’ battle had already begun.
In the stands was an announcers’ booth, and seated inside…were Masato and Shiraaase.
“Um, Shiraaase… Why am I here?”
“To assist with the opening ceremony. Additionally, you will be providing commentary and play-by-play coverage.”
“That’s an awful lot for an ‘additionally’! You can’t mean that, right?”
His protest was met with a blank stare. Her eyes still on him…
…Shiraaase turned their mics on.
“Hello, everyone! Thank you for coming. It’s finally time for the opening ceremony to begin!”
“Waaaait, you can’t start without—!”
“Here come our contestants! A warm round of applause!”
A fanfare echoed through the room, and one by one, contestants began filing onto the stage.
Mamako appeared first.
“Oh my! Such a big crowd— Oh! Ma-kun! You’re going to cheer Mommy on from the broadcast booth?! Ma-kun! Maaa-kuuun!” Yay!
Mamako began frantically waving her hand at Masato. She was jumping up and down, causing her ample chest to swing all over the place. Bouncing.
“You noticed me way too fast! Calm down! Stop yelling my name!”
“Incidentally, Masato, I also turned on your mic.”
“Augh?!”
The son’s cry of horror drew a laugh from the stands, and cheers for Mamako went up from all around. “Mamako!” “Win this thing!” “Good luck to her son, too!” “You guys don’t need to cheer for me, too!!” he shrieked. Way too much attention on him already. He was ready to die of shame.
“It’s all too much… Please, mercy! Let me be!”
“This is hardly the time to grumble. Masato, your job is to provide commentary. To make things easy, we’ve provided you a script. This is your job… Nay, your heroic mission.”
“Mom gets to be onstage, and the hero reads a script in the broadcast booth… Sniff… But fine! Mission accepted!”
Masato stared at the script through his tears and began reading.
“Uh… Th-then let’s begin the World Matriarchal Arts Tournament. The main event will follow a standard tournament bracket. Sixteen highly skilled mothers will face one another, aiming for the pinnacle of motherhood.”
“The exact nature of each battle will be decided by random draws directly before the event in question,” continued Shiraaase. “In addition to normal household tasks like cooking, laundry, and cleaning, some rounds may involve actual combat.”
“Then let’s begin introducing the contestants. They’ll be entering in order following the rankings they achieved in the prelims yesterday. First up is the top-ranked mother from the prelims—”
“Ma-kun’s mommy! I’ll do my best!” Yaaay! Yaaay!
“I said Calm down! You’re waaay too hyped up! Take a breath!”
“Mamako’s reputation precedes her, and we hardly need say more. Masato, the next contestant, please. We have very little time, so make it quick.”
“Hurry it up, huh? Got it! Let’s get this show on the road!”
Contestant after contestant followed Mamako onstage. He quickly rattled through the introductions.
“Second-ranked! From the sacred forests of the far west, the Sage of the Forest, the elf mother Chaliele!”
“Everyone knows elves, but few know elf mothers— I’ll show you our power. Hee-hee.”
Pointy ears, blond hair, grass-green clothes—the fantasy classic, mom version.
“Third-ranked! Fire for cooking, water for laundry, earth for cleaning, and wind for shopping… The four elements of housework crystallized in a spirit mother! Etheria!”
“Let’s go!” “Okay!” “Now!” “Quadruple spirit fusion!”
Four energy forms gathered together, manifesting in a new form as beautiful as any goddess—quite the fantastical mama.
“Fourth-ranked! A warm, gentle mother’s heart in a cold, hard body! Not a child of advanced technology but the mother of it! The android mother! Mechatte!”
“Mother systems all green! Commencing matriarchal mission!”
Trailing a number of high-spec flying drones, a glamorous mechanical mother appeared.
“Fifth-ranked! As the wind blows, as the whim strikes her, before you know it, she’s at your side! Don’t underestimate our smallest contestant, the fairy mother Nympha!”
“Fortune determines the victor. Like a child who cannot yet predict the outcome. I shall enjoy this.”
Flower hat pulled low, blowing bubbles through a pipe, a tiny mother struck an affected pose.
“Sixth-ranked! She’s sure she can beat anyone around when it comes to hefting children in her arms! A beastkin mother ready to rampage like a mad-mom! Growlette!”
“Bring on the housework! It’s me, the world’s number one mom! Arooo!”
Her fluffy tail wagging dramatically, the canine beastkin definitely seemed like the plucky sort.
“Seventh-ranked! A mother’s role is to support her family from the shadows…like a ninja! Hide a mom’s heart beneath this blade, and you get a human mother! Kunoichiko!”
“Today I step out of the shadows and onto the stage! Nin-nin!”
She appeared from a puff of smoke. This was a mother determined to keep the whole ninja thing going to the extreme.
“Eighth-ranked! Temptation none can resist will lure victory into her grasp! From the R-rated devil race, a succubus mother! Invi!”
“No need to resist. Come have fun with this sexy mama. Hahhh!”
Her risqué outfit (which was basically just underwear) was enough to enchant just about anyone—this mother was a public indecency charge waiting to happen.
And that was still only half of the contestants.
Masato allowed himself a very small sigh and took a gulp from the glass of water Shiraaase had quietly handed him.
Still eight more to go… This is pretty hard work. Also…
He could see that silver-masked robe waiting to come out next.
“Ahem… Ninth-ranked! Enigmatic…is a nice way of saying deeply suspicious! A human mother! Sorente!”
“Th-th-th-that’s not truuuue! We’re not suspiciouuus!”
“Why should I have to explain that we’re a totally normal mother?!”
When Masato ad-libbed their intro, the suspicious individual twitched, and the two people inside desperately tried to correct him.
At any rate, it didn’t seem like they were planning on pulling anything right this second. “Masato, move along,” Shiraaase said. So he did.
“Tenth-ranked! She brought her child with her from Heaven, a veritable oracle! Seemingly drawn by the greatest of artists, an exalted angel mother! Mamariel!”
“Actually, when I put my child down for a nap, I just laze about and nibble some crackers… But I suppose I’ve got an image to uphold, huh?”
As divine as she was prone to speaking her mind, this mother seemed rather approachable.
“Eleventh-ranked! Described in countless stories and fables, will she give rise to yet more legends? Her blue scales glitter like jewels, the mermaid mother! Nakasao!”
“The legend of the mermaid with a child begins here! Just you wait!”
Her species was shishamo. An aquatic mother, appearing inside a magical sphere of water.
“Twelfth-ranked! Her favorite holiday is the Manchu Han Imperial Feast! She works as a trainer for breath attacks! The dragonewt mother! Sammo Hung!”
“Even if you aren’t half dragon, you can breathe fire…once you eat my Szechuan cooking!”
Spewing out flames from her mouth with a fwooooom was a Chinese-style mom with dragon horns and a tail.
“Thirteenth-ranked! She survived the battles of Ragnarok with her cheery disposition intact! She’s planning on skipping merrily through this fight as well! The giant mother! Kaide!”
“I’m a big momma! Everyone cheer for me! Ah-ha-haaa!”
With a body her size, a single skip caused the earth to shake. She certainly was immense.
That left only three. The end was in sight!
“Fourteenth-ranked! At a glance, she might look weak…but not once she disrobes! A human mother who has mastered matriarchal martial arts! Katou!”
“H-hi, um… F-for my children, I’ll…do my best!”
A martial arts mother who seemed ordinary until you saw the muscles bulging beneath her robes.
Two more!
“Fifteenth-ranked! Hailing from a bloodline with pedigree, the first thing you see will be her gleaming fangs emerging from a shadow—a vampire mother! Kangoshii!”
“Good health begins with your teeth! When I win, brushing your teeth will become a new world rule!”
This vampire mother dressed in a nurse’s uniform didn’t drink blood very much—it stains your teeth.
Last one!
The final contestant strolled slowly onto the stage.
Clad in a black dress, the final mother wore a dark expression.
Oh… Her.
The woman who had straightened his hair outside the bathroom. Her intro…
“Sixteenth-ranked! Our final dark horse candidate! Everything about her, history included, is shrouded in a veil of mystery! The human mother! Hahako!”
“……”
The woman who looked so much like Mamako just stared up at Masato with hollow eyes.
At any rate, that was everyone.
These sixteen mothers would fight in a tournament to determine the world’s best mother.
The crowd erupted in a round of applause for the mothers onstage. Every mother looked confident, waving back. The crowd went wild.
Meanwhile, Masato had switched off his mic and collapsed on the table.
“Nothing about that was easy… I’m so tired…”
“Tired you may be, but I have more work for you. A power only you have… Can you use that mother appraisal skill and verify that all contestants are mothers?”
“See if they truly qualify? If I’m the only one capable of doing that, then sure, I’ll do it, but… Oh, right. About that. Sorente’s already ruled out. That’s just Amante and Sorella.”
“I noticed. They each have such distinctive speech patterns.”
“Right? But in the interests of safety, I assume we’re just keeping tabs on them for now, yes? Anyway, I’ll check the others.”
Masato looked down at the mothers onstage. “Oh, Ma-kun’s looking at us! Mommy’s right here!” The moment he did, one of them started yelling and jumping, but he ignored her.
The one sad skill I’ve learned… A Child’s Sense… Activate!
Masato’s eyes were imbued with power, a vivid change sweeping across his vision.
The stage was bathed in carnation-red light. With this many high-level mothers together, each was giving off a vast quantity of light…
Wait, not all of them.
First, the masked, robed Sorente. There was something odd about their color.
Like they’re reflecting the light around them… Is that silver robe reflective?
Or was this Amante’s reflection skill? Either way, he’d already ruled them out.
But there was one other.
Oh… Hahako isn’t glowing, either.
The mysterious mother who looked so uncannily like Mamako was giving off no light at all. Which meant…
While Masato pondered this, Shiraaase asked, “Well, Masato?”
“Um… I’m not seeing any reaction from Hahako at all.”
“I see… Hmm…”
If she wasn’t responding to Masato’s skill, that meant she wasn’t a mother.
If she didn’t meet the conditions for entry, she should be disqualified…
“With Hahako, it doesn’t matter if she responds or not. We’ll allow her to participate as is.”
“Huh? …You’re sure?”
“This is a good opportunity to learn more about her. These matches will allow us to investigate further.”
“Investigate what?”
“When it reaches a stage where I can infooorm you, I will infooorm you… Be patient for now. If you do a good job, I’ll buy you some sweets later.”
“Yaaay! I’ll be a good boy! …Yeah, as if! Quit making fun of me!”
“Now then, if the others are all without problem, we can assume participant evaluation is complete. Do you agree?”
“Everyone else is responding normally. They’re clear.”
“Understood. Thank you.”
Masato had certainly hoped she’d explain more.
But Shiraaase turned her mic back on and began speaking into it.
“Then we will begin drawing odds to determine the order of battles. We’ve prepared a tournament bracket and a draw box… If the staff in the kid’s area could be so kind?”
She was, of course, addressing the three girls babysitting the children. “Don’t we have enough on our plates already?” “This is a sweatshop!” “I-I’ll do my best!” They were busy racing around the stage, trying to catch children scattering every which way, but now they had even more work.
Wise held the box, seemingly past the point of caring about the children climbing up her legs and back.
Medhi was equally swarmed but managed to check the balls the mothers drew anyway.
Porta got the giant child to hold her up so she could write the mothers’ names on the tournament bracket.
The fruits of their labor completed the bracket. The first round would be as follows:
Match 1: The Hero’s Mother Mamako vs Beastkin Mother Growlette
Match 2: Mermaid Mother Nakasao vs Devil Mother Invi
Match 3: Martial Artist Mother Katou vs Android Mother Mechatte
Match 4: Dragonewt Mother Sammo Hung vs Elf Mother Chaliele
Match 5: Suspicious Mother Sorente vs Vampire Mother Kangoshii
Match 6: Fairy Mother Nympha vs Giant Mother Kaide
Match 7: Mysterious Mother Hahako vs Spirit Mother Etheria
Match 8: Angel Mother Mamariel vs Ninja Mother Kunoichiko
The contestants went back to the waiting rooms to get ready. Since the actual contents of the matches would be decided directly beforehand, they had to prepare for anything—meaning they’d need cooking implements, cleaning apparatuses, laundry supplies, and even weapons.
As the other mothers hastily ran around, Mamako got ready.
“Well, I certainly need my battle apron. I’d better equip that special apron Ma-kun gave me! Hee-hee!”
Equipping the apron Masato had acquired from the school gacha over her usual gear, she was ready. She waited excitedly for her turn.
Staring fixedly at Mamako…was the suspicious mother, Sorente.
Four eyes staring from a safe distance away.
“It’s almost the main affaaaair. I’m really feeling the pressuuuure.”
“Yeah. But we’ve already overcome the toughest hurdles. When the contestants were introduced, Masato Oosuki must have used that skill of his that identifies mothers. But we anticipated that. Since we knew he used the light they give off to identify them, we made this masked robe of reflective materials…”
“You don’t need to explain this to meeee. More importantly, start waaalking.”
“I—I know! I’m curious if that other special being is lurking among these mothers, but…first, we’d better handle Mamako Oosuki.”
The suspicious mother, Sorente, began to move.
Apparently, Amante couldn’t see very well. “Oh, sorryyyy.” “……” They’d nearly bumped into the mysterious mother, Hahako.
But Sorente suspiciously made their way over to Mamako.
“Um… Do you have a miiinute?”
“Oh, what is it? You’re—?”
“Sorenteeee. We’ve never met befooore. Don’t worryyy. We’re a totally normal mooother.”
“Oh, really? Your voice sounds so familiar… But I guess not.”
“N-n-not at aaaall! Just a coiiiincidence! Seriously, think nothing of iiiit. Anywaaay…”
Sorente’s body thrashed suspiciously, and then they pulled out a small bottle containing a reddish-brown liquid.
“This is a gift for you, Maaamako. Someone shared one of those treats you were haaanding out. So I thought I’d thank yooou. Drink this right awaaay!”
“Oh, you shouldn’t have! And I was just thinking how thirsty I was! I’d be delighted to accept.”
Mamako seemed to suspect nothing. She took the bottle and immediately downed it.
In that moment, both girls under the masked robe pumped their fists in secret. “Well thennn, enjoy your maaatch!” And with that, Sorente departed, suspiciously fast.
And once they were far enough away, they pumped fists again.
“Mwa-ha-haaa! That was so eeeeasy!”
“Apparently… Didn’t expect her to just chug it like that…”
“I think her mind was entirely on the present from Masatooo. Stiiiill…it doesn’t maaatter. As long as she drank it, she’s doooooomed.”
“Heh, exactly… That’s a slow-acting poison. Now that she’s downed it, it’ll slowly whittle away her strength…”
“And when she’s weakened, the two of us will attack togeeeether! Mwa-ha-haaa!”
“Just to be absolutely clear, we aren’t afraid of Mamako Oosuki. I could definitely best her in a normal fight. But fighting her in top form would be quite a challenge, and rather than be reckless, I’d prefer to fight her in a condition where we’re guaranteed to win…”
“No need to explain the obvious truuuth. Geez, Amante, just shut uuup…”
Two of the infamous Four Heavenly Kings had certainly turned into massive cowards.
With everyone ready, it was time to begin.
“Now then, Masato. Almost time,” urged Shiraaase.
“You’re going to insist the two of us keep doing commentary, huh?”
He would definitely have preferred to resign.
Masato looked down at the kid’s area around the stage and saw Wise about to blow her top, Medhi’s eyes gone dead, and Porta looking sadder than ever before—all three staring wordlessly up at him.
If they were risking their lives babysitting, it was hardly fair for him to escape alone. Doing so would put his party’s bonds and Masato’s own life in danger.
“Well, Masato, now that you understand the predicament you’re in, let’s begin.”
“Right! I’m just thrilled to do play-by-plays or commentary! Love to work! …Thanks for waiting, everyone! The first match is about to begin!”
Staring at the script through his tears, Masato began talking. The crowd roared.
The first match contestants—Mamako and the beastkin mother, Growlette—stepped onto the stage.
“Growlette, I’m really looking forward to this.” Mamako smiled.
“It’s finally time! Mamako, you’d better be ready!” Growlette growled.
Both seemed fired up. This battle would be a fierce one.
It was time to decide the contents of their match.
“Erm… Looks like you have your hands full with those children, so sorry, but… Wise, can you get the match draw box?”
“Sure, sure! Whatever! Argh, you’ll pay for this, Masato!”
“Why are you mad at me?! None of this was my idea!”
Just like with the brackets, Wise held the box, ignoring the children around her. “Go on, Mamako!”
“Why, thank you.” Since her prelim rank was higher, it was Mamako’s right to draw.
And the ball she pulled out read…
CLEANING (DANGER LEVEL: MAX)
The first match would be a super-dangerous cleaning contest.
“Uh, so we’re starting right off with a doozy, I guess… Shiraaase, what exactly does this mean?”
“This battle will involve cleaning the area we’ve prepared while searching for an important item and simultaneously avoiding anything dangerous. Eyes to the stage, please!”
Masato and the crowd turned to look.
Magic circles appeared on the wooden floors of the stage…summoning desks, chairs, beds, bookshelves, and other furniture.
Everything summoned was evenly distributed—half around Mamako and half around Growlette.
“I see. Just like cleaning a real bedroom…but all this furniture appears to be clean already.”
“From a distance, perhaps it does. However…”
The eyes of the mothers onstage were clearly locking onto a number of areas in need of attention.
“There’s definitely dust in the gaps between those bookshelves… Oh my!” exclaimed Mamako. “And under the bed, way at the very back. The underside, too!”
“The kinds of places you might overlook even if you think you’ve cleaned properly!” said Growlette. “They definitely want to remind us to be thorough! That’s what I call a challenge!”
“Hee-hee, yes. Definitely a chance to show Mommy’s skills.”
Mamako and Growlette were certainly feeling competitive. They were tightening their apron strings, snapping fingers, engines revved and ready to rumble.
Then Masato noticed something.
“Huh? That’s weird… The layout of that furniture looks familiar…”
“Additionally, the rooms prepared onstage re-create the actual real-world layout of the bedroom of the hero accompanying his mother on this adventure.”
“…Huh?”
“Today they will be cleaning a child’s bedroom. While they clean, they will be tasked with retrieving items that should have been shown to parents, yet got lost—while also avoiding contact with things parents are better off not seeing. A real test of a parent’s discretion. Additionally, these hidden items are also reproducing the real-world bedroom.”
“Huh? What? Why? Stop, stop; back up! Waaaaait!”
“No waiting! Ready… MOM IT!”
With Shiraaase’s signal, the battle began.
The beastkin mother, Growlette, was the first to jump into action. She started with cleaning.
“Got any hard-to-clean nooks and crannies? Ha-ha! For a beastkin, that’s child’s play! After all…I have this!”
Facing one such nook, Growlette turned around…
…and stuck her fluffy tail in it!
It rummaged all around inside before she pulled it out.
“Ha-ha! Well? Quite a score!”
The gap was certainly polished clean! But her tail was now filthy…
This was a special beastkin mom skill, one that used the beastkin body to the fullest—A Cleaning Tail!
No, hang on.
“Heeeeey! What theeeeee—?!”
Masato found himself leaning out of the broadcast booth, loudly protesting. How could he possibly let this go unchallenged?
“What’s wrong, Masato? What’s gotten into you?” asked Shiraaase.
“What’s wrong?! That’s all wrong! She’s got a beautiful fluffy tail! And we’re just going to let her clean with it?! That’s completely unacceptable!”
“It is?”
“Yes! …Listen! Tails are a luxury item! Something to stare at longingly, touch gently, appreciating the soft caress against your cheek as you reach sky-high bliss! They must be respected!”
“If something’s useful, you oughta use it! It ain’t goin’ anywhere!”
It was her property, and she had every right to reject any criticism.
Besides, it WAS attached to her.
“Augh! Aughhhhh! This is why mothers are—!”
Masato slapped the desk repeatedly, making a show of his torment, but Growlette just laughed him off. “You sure are a lively one! Ah-ha-ha!” Clearly, she was well versed in dealing with children’s temper tantrums.
Growlette continued sticking her tail behind the clock, under the bed, and all around. Getting her hands…well, tail, dirty as she tidied up.
“It easily cleans even the fussiest spots! Tails can be moved at will! …Well, Mamako? Can you beat my tail cleaning? Oh, I forgot! You don’t have a tail! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!”
Certain of victory, she began to boast.
Meanwhile…
“O-oh? …What’s going on…? I’m feeling a bit funny…”
…Mamako wasn’t moving at all. Her hand was on her stomach, and she’d gone very pale.
Sorente was watching from the shadows of the entrance hall, grinning. But no one noticed that. Their eyes were elsewhere.
Growlette, Masato, Shiraaase, the babysitting staff, the audience—everyone was staring at one thing only.
“…Unh… Oooh…”
Mamako had collapsed to her knees. In agony.
The moment she did, Masato vaulted over the broadcast table.
“H-hey! Mom?! Mom! What’s wrong?”
“I-I’m fine… Mommy’s fine. Don’t worry about—”
“No, you’re not fine! You’re clearly unwell!”
He didn’t know what to do. His mind went blank. He ran to her side, ready to burst into tears, frantically calling her name…
…and then a pair of triangular ears, covered in red-and-blue fur, appeared on Mamako’s head.
And then two tails, one with red fur and one with blue, stretched out from her back.
“…Uh?”
She’d just sprouted animal ears.
Mamako, now adorned with animal ears and two tails, got back to her feet.
“Oh? I feel much better all of a sudden! I wonder what that was? …Well, no time to waste! I’m in the middle of a contest! I’d better get to work!”
“No, um, Mom…?”
“Ma-kun, just you watch! Mommy’s gonna work her hardest! …Now, if I’m going to clean, I’ll need… Oh? Look what I found! These tails would be perfect!”
Animal Mamako immediately spied the practical applications of her tails and began cleaning with them.
On her right: the tail resembling the Holy Sword of Mother Earth.
On her left: the tail resembling the Holy Sword of Mother Ocean.
“All right! …Hyah!”
The red tail thrust into a gap between the furniture, and when she pulled it out…all the dust was gone! Fresh as a daisy!
At the same time, the blue tail made a sideways sweep under the bed, cleaning all the dirt!
Animal Mamako didn’t stop her tidying there. “I see more dust! And more there!” Tiny gaps, narrow crannies, openings beneath, detailed woodwork—her tails cleaned it all.
“Well, the cleaning’s all done! Now I just have to check everything over…”
Even her cleaning was two-hit and multi-target!
Mamako’s cleaning area was flawlessly polished!
“There you go! Hee-hee!”
“Argh… Even my mom’s using her tails to clean…”
“I—I never…,” stammered Growlette. “Cleaning with two tails… I could never do that, no matter how hard I tried… But I’m not done yet! This contest is about more than cleaning!”
That’s right. Cleaning was merely the prelude. The key to victory was to avoid the dangerous items in the children’s rooms and recover the critical ones. Growlette changed tactics, moving with beastly speeds.
This was met with passionate cheers.
“Under the bed! I’m sure of it! There’s gotta be something!”
“Check the shelves! They might be disguised as normal books!”
“They aren’t! I’ve got nothing! You two shut up!”
Masato jumped down to the kid’s area to silence Wise and Medhi, but he was too late.
Growlette was staring at the corner of the carpet, deep in thought.
“Hmm… That section isn’t lying flat… There’s something under there! …But it’s not thick enough to be a magazine… In which case, it’s mine!”
“Augh! That’s—!”
The thin book pulled from underneath the carpet was…
…a plastic card with a beautiful anime girl on it! If you tilted the card right, her clothes would vanish, leaving her without a stitch on! Scandalous!
This was an item parents were better off not knowing about! A failure!
“My goodness…,” said Growlette. “Not only do I have to pretend I never saw this, it carries with it the danger that my child is only interested in 2-D girls…!”
“No, that’s not true… I promise… I didn’t even buy that myself—it came with an issue of Dragon magazine… Trust me… Please… You gotta believe me…”
Growlette hung her head. Still, she couldn’t help but marvel, “It’s truly just like the real thing…!” Masato was seriously on the verge of death.
But he could not afford to die here. Animal Mamako was on the prowl.
“Ma-kun, don’t worry. Mommy knows better than to touch the encyclopedia on those shelves.”
“Oh! That would be a great help— Uh… No, wait!”
“Everything will be just fine! Mommy’s eyes know how to find only what Mommy should be seeing!”
“No, no, no, what are you doing?!”
Animal Mamako’s eyes focused, searching the restaged room.
He desperately wanted her to stop, but…Mamako had something perhaps all parents have: the special child’s room search skill, A Mother’s Search!
After a long, careful look around—“Oh! Right there!”—Animal Mamako dashed over to the desk, pulled open a drawer, and felt around inside.
And she pulled out…a letter from his school, advising parents of an upcoming parent’s day.
This was something a parent was supposed to see, so she was right to find it!
“Oh my! Ma-kun, did you think I didn’t want to go? If it’s for you, I’d happily come to parent’s day!”
“That’s why I didn’t want you to see it! You always get there first! And whenever you go to school for stuff like this, the other kids and teachers all act like a movie star showed up! I hate it!”
Masato clearly had his reasons for keeping it hidden, but…
…the match was decided.
“Dual tail cleaning, flawless search procedures… You’re incredible. It’s frustrating, but I’ve clearly lost!” Growlette hung her head, admitting defeat.
“This match’s victory goes to Mamako!” Shiraaase announced. “Congratulations.”
A fanfare echoed, and the crowd gave her a standing ovation. They applauded not just Animal Mamako’s victory, but Growlette’s gracious concession.
“Growlette, thank you.”
“I’m glad I got a chance to fight you. Thanks!”
The two mothers shook hands. Such a beautiful sight!
But there was one boy who couldn’t let it end that easily.
“I’ve had about enough… The way you treat tails was one thing, but what about how you treat me?!”
Masato was ready to unleash the full force of his fury, but before he could…
“Ughhhh?! Wh-wh-wh-what giiives?! We poisoned herrr! How could it end like thiiis?!”
“Huh?! Oh, that’s right—Mamako Oosuki’s equipment gives her flawless defense against status effects… But why did she conveniently grow ears and a tail…?”
“Ohhhh! That’s riiight! She has that super-cheaty skiiiill! It makes everything work out her waaay!”
“She does?! Is that what happened?!”
Masato’s rant was drowned out by an argument that so helpfully explained what had just occurred.
“Dang! Retreat!” “Auuuuughh…?!”
When he turned, there was no one there.
The first match of round one was complete.
The furniture summoned for the cleaning battle was quickly removed…or should have been.
But an innocent force had claimed the stage.
“Picture books!” “Missy, read dis!” “Read it!” “Hurry!” “Read to us!”
“This isn’t the time to read picture books! You’ve got to get off the stage! Please listen to us! We’re begging you!” Pestered by five beastkin children, Wise was on the verge of tears.
“Whoooa! I’m…flyyy…iiiing…”
“Ohhh?! A gust of wind caught the fairy child, and…!”
“Bed! So big! Yay! Yaaaa……” Zzzzzzzz…
“Eeeeek! That’s bad! If the mermaid child sleeps on the bed, it’ll absorb all her water, and she’ll dry out!!”
Medhi was dealing with two crises at once.
“Let’s play dolly!”
“Er, um… Am I the doll?”
The giant child picked up Porta and sat her on a chair. Porta was clearly at a complete loss.
The children’s onslaught showed no signs of abating. The stage was more of a war zone than it had been during the actual match.
But while the babysitters were in trouble, the audience was eating it up. “Hang in there, girls!” “Don’t let them win!” The audience was cheering on their babysitting efforts, a smile on every face.
This was a brilliant way to keep the crowd entertained between matches. “I haaate this!” “Someone help me! Heeeelp!” “I—I think I’m gonna cry…,” shouted Wise, Medhi, and Porta, in turn. A beautiful display.
Anyway.
In the broadcast booth were Shiraaase, Mamako (her ears and tail long gone), Masato, and the beastkin mother, Growlette. It was time for an interview.
“The two of you had a wonderful match! We’d like to hear more… First, Mamako, you pulled off an incredible victory, but what do you think led to it?”
“Well, naturally, Ma-kun’s support! Ma-kun really thinks about how Mommy feels and gives me such strength! Hee-hee!”
“I don’t actually have any buff skills. Nor did I actually do much of anything…”
“That’s not true!” Growlette declared. “When Mamako started looking unwell, you came running! You’re a good boy who cares deeply for his mother!”
She slapped him hard on the back. “Uh, that hurt…” “Don’t worry about it! Ah-ha-ha!” A boisterous mother not about to let Masato’s slowly draining HP gauge bother her. Enthusiasm was dangerous.
“We all know a mother’s strength comes from her kids,” she said. “I guess that was what decided the match… Oh, but if Masato becomes my son, the next match would be mine! Right, let’s do that! Masato, be my kid!”
“Wha—? Where’d that come from?”
“Good idea, yeah? Oh, I know! Masato, you like tails, right? Well, go ahead!”
Growlette began waving her tail in front of his face. She’d groomed it after the match, so there was no dust or grime left—it was a lovely, fluffy tail once more.
“You touch a young beastkin’s tail, and they’ll be all ‘Eek!’ or ‘You pervert!’ but I’m already a mom! I can handle a little touchy-feely. Go on and fluff that tail all you like.”
“Er… Seriously?”
“Totally! I mean it! Go on, help yourself!”
Masato found the tail’s fluff very tempting. It was calling to him: Come on. Go ahead. Fluff me. The ultimate sensation, right in front of him.
Uh-oh… I dunno if I can resist…
Masato’s hand reached forward of its own accord, ready to savor the bliss…
…but someone behind him tugged his sleeve, and he snapped out of it.
When he turned around—
“Now, Ma-kun! You’re making Mommy hopping mad!”
—Mamako’s cheeks were all puffed up in a major sulk. Super-jealous. Any time one of the other mothers tempted Masato, it sparked Mamako’s envy.
This activated the special skill A Mother’s Envy, and she started storing up energy…
…but her oblivious son failed to notice.
“Mom! Knock that off! You’re way too old to sulk like that; seriously, just don’t, please.”
“Mommy’s so mad!” she fumed.
“You’re getting worse! Why?! Why is my mom always like this?!”
“You two are so close! I’m so jealous… Now I want Masato even more!” said Growlette.
“My, my,” remarked Shiraaase. “Masato’s in demand!”
“Yeesh! This is, like, the one situation where that’s not a positive thing!”
“And with that, our interview concludes. The first match is over, with Mamako as the victor! You’ll see her again in the first match of round two tomorrow! Don’t miss it!”
“Augh, Shiraaase! Don’t just wrap things up. Do something about these mothers!”
“Do something about these kids first! Seriously!”
“Help us! We’ll do anything! Wise will do anything!”
“E-er… I’m scared she’s going to start changing my clothes soon…”
While Masato was trapped between his real mother and someone else’s…
…the girls onstage were trapped in the furious—nay, deadly battle called babysitting.
As these battles continued with no end in sight, the first day drew to a close.
Mamako had claimed victory in the first round and advanced to the second.
The remaining match results were as follows:
Match 2: Mermaid Mother Nakasao (Loser) vs Devil Mother Invi (Winner)
A shopping battle. Nakasao, being a mermaid, used her Appraise skill at the fishmonger to score a big advantage, but the succubus’s allure overwhelmed the staff, who gave Invi a huge discount and the victory.
“The legend of the mermaid with a child ends here…”
“No one can resist the allure of a devil mama. Hahhh.”
Match 3: Martial Arts Mother Katou (L) vs Android Mother Mechatte (W)
A sewing battle. Katou used her well-honed muscles to sew stiff denim bare-handed, but the android mother converted her flying drones into a lightning-fast sewing machine and claimed victory.
“My muscles weep… But I gave it my best shot and accept the results.”
“Your matriarchal energy is off the charts. With respect, I’ve added you to my group of mom friends. Let us compete again someday.”
Match 4: Dragonewt Mother Sammo Hung (L) vs Elf Mother Chaliele (W)
“What? Dragonewt children love spicy food! These results make no sense!”
“The bounty of the forest is loved by all races. Elves are proud to live in harmony with the woods.”
A cooking battle. Sammo Hung had gone with her specialty, ultra-spicy Szechuan cuisine. The flavor was definitely top class.
But it proved too spicy for normal children to eat, and Chaliele claimed victory with a dish made from mushrooms harvested on the spot.
Match 5: Suspicious Mother Sorente (W) vs Vampire Mother Kangoshii (L)
A cleaning battle. The vampire mother seemed confident in her cleaning skills but inexplicably was unable to perform at her usual level.
“I’m a vampire, yet I couldn’t quite sink my teeth in… How can this be?”
“Oh myyyy? Is that aaaaall you’ve got? Another lousy moooom! Mwa-ha-haaa!”
Belittling their opponent, Sorente languidly swept the match.
Match 6: Fairy Mother Nympha (L) vs Giant Mother Kaide (W)
“La-la-la-laaa! Ah-ha-ha! I won somehow! Yay!”
A dog-walking battle. The difference in size was what clinched it; Kaide was able to cover the distance the dog wanted, merrily skipping all the way.
As for the fairy mother…
“Oh, do excuse me. The winds are calling—I’m not fleeing the scene of my defeat or anything, just so you know.”
Nympha had been blown away by the winds generated by her opponent’s skipping and never returned.
She was still MIA.
Match 7: Mysterious Mother Hahako (W) vs Spirit Mother Etheria (L)
“………”
“We were actually four against one—and still…” “How’d we lose?” “Luck of the draw.” “Clearly…”
A PTA-meeting battle. PTA meetings involved doling out duties that could be a lot of work. But since Etheria was actually four different spirits fused together, four such jobs were pressed upon her, and she was forced to give up.
The mysterious mother simply stood there looking gloomy—everyone was afraid to talk to her, and she was avoided completely.
Match 8: Angel Mother Mamariel (L) vs Ninja Mother Kunoichiko (W)
A battle over dropping off and picking up children. Mamariel soared through the air, kids in tow, easily clearing the first checkpoint. But the sight of her divine visage drew a crowd, stopping her in her tracks and preventing her from continuing.
Kunoichiko made it through all the checkpoints with a flawless ninja run.
“I may have lost, but all is well. I shall return home and play halo toss with my children.”
“I’m a mom and a ninja! The ultimate combo! …Oh, gotta be sneaky…”
Since everyone entered in the World Matriarchal Arts Tournament was a mother, the first day ended, as planned, at three o’clock, giving them time to take in the laundry and shop for dinner.
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