A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Volume 3 - Chapter 11

V3C11: The Second Year of High School Has Begun
On the first day of the new term, the school held its opening ceremony in the morning. The principal gave his speech, then the freshmen representative, followed by the awards for the valedictorians and leaders for each grade. Even though I was second in my class, I wasn’t able to be picked for valedictorian because my physical fitness ranked last in the class.

The class teacher came to me specifically to explain this, but I didn’t mind. I wasn’t focused on ‘honor’ or ‘glory’, the only thing I cared about was my grades. Still, when I heard Zhang Jun was picked for Class 4’s Outstanding Student Leader, my pride shot up. When he went on stage to receive his award, I clapped extra loudly, turning my palms red from the force.

The main task for the afternoon was cleaning. Apart from our own classrooms, the school also gave each class a few corridors and pathways to clean up.

Class 4 was fast and managed to finish cleaning much faster than us. When Zhang Jun came to find me, I was in an argument with Ma Li and didn’t hear him arrive. By the time I heard him, the entire class had also heard and bursted into an uproar. I felt embarrassed and trotted towards Zhang Jun. 

“We can’t leave yet, so you go first.” 

I was just about to turn and leave when Zhang Jun said, “I’ll wait for you.” Saying that, he moved to sit on the bench next to me.

“No!” I replied immediately in fear. Seeing his disappointment, I added, “Then wait for me at the flower bed outside the school gates, I’ll go and find you.”

“Alright.”

Grabbing a broom and preparing myself to clean again, Yang Jun quickly asked me, “Were the rumours true? Are you really dating Zhang Jun?”

I glared at him. “Can’t a guy and a girl just be friends?”

I didn’t know why it was so hard for me to admit to being Zhang Jun’s girlfriend. Maybe I had understood, deep in my heart, and just refused to think about it, that I was afraid Zhang Jun was simply playing with me. I didn’t want others to see me only as Zhang Jun’s girlfriend.

Because I refused to admit to it, everyone thought that we were completely out of each other’s league, and even with rumours flying everywhere, everyone still treated them as just a joke.

Tong Yunzhu stared at me silently. I knew she was good friends with Zhang Jun and I suddenly became a little bit guilty. I immediately started laughing and talking with the others to get rid of that feeling. I might not have admitted to it, but I didn’t deny it either!

After school had officially started, Zhang Jun requested to walk with me everyday after school. I refused to let him wait for me in the corridors, so he had to wait outside of school.

He constantly complained about it, mocking how with my courageous appearance, he didn’t expect me to be this afraid of my teachers and parents. No matter how much he mocked me though, I still insisted on an underground relationship.

Love during high school was actually very simple, with nothing extraordinary happening. All of our happiness and sorrows circled around the small things of daily life.

He waited everyday for school to end, walked me home, and then returned to his own home.

Our classes were right next to each other and no matter what time it was, if he ever went past my class he would never forget to use his eyes to say hello to me.

During our breaks, he would buy snacks for me and, knowing that I was afraid of others, would ask Tong Yunzhu to give them to me. Often, when I had just remembered to buy a cold drink, Tong Yunzhu would arrive smiling, holding an ice cream and drink for me.

During the windless afternoons of summer when everyone would be holding their home-made fans, fanning themselves as they listened to class, he would ask Tong Yunzhu to pass me a thermos full of ice cubes for me to place onto my desk as a way to reduce the heat.

I was the Chinese representative and was often tasked to send homework over to the teacher. If Zhang Jun saw me passing through the window, he would help one of the class representatives to send in their homework forcefully, and thus accompany me to the teacher’s office.

Zhang Jun would spend every recess playing basketball and he wanted for me to watch him every time. I was too embarrassed to go there only to watch him play, so I convinced Yang Jun that he had to defeat Zhang Jun, ensuring his position as the basketball boss of our year. When I had succeeded in inciting Yang Jun, I pretended to be cheering for Yang Jun, dragging Lin Yiran with me down to the basketball courts and watch Zhang Jun play in the process. Due to my daily taunting and the rumours between Zhang Jun and Tong Yunzhu, everytime Yang Jun saw Zhang Jun, he would become pumped with adrenaline and target him, making Zhang Jun extremely exasperated.

I was too embarrassed to say actively ‘l like you’ or to constantly go find him, in fact, I would actively avoid him during school, but I enjoyed watching him in secret. No matter what he was doing, as long as I saw him, I would feel a strong sense of happiness. After many years of practice, my ‘Locate Zhang Jun’ ability had been honed to the max- I was able to glance through a crowd mindlessly and instantly spot him; I was able to walk straight down the corridor but see every one of his movements through my peripheral vision; I was even able to sense his presence if he was behind him and know whether or not he was watching me. 

I liked eating jelly, and ever since I got together with him, I especially liked the heart-shaped jelly called Crystal Love. Sometimes, I would shyly ask Tong Yunzhu to pass one of those jellies to Zhang Jun, telling him at what time he was supposed to eat it. Then I would stare intently at the clock and at the promised time, I would also eat one in secret, feeling as if our hearts were connected to each other. After school, Zhang Jun would sometimes laugh and tell me about how he got caught eating during class and ask just when he had offended me for me to prank him like that.

The desks of our Chinese teachers were directly opposite each other. Sometimes, I would take advantage of my leadership role and whilst collecting the homework booklets, I’d secretly place a note in his homework. The contents on those notes were mostly very boring but in them, I hid my happiness and joy.

I realised that in all his subjects, English was also his worst one. Every time I was writing my notes, I would place a piece of carbon paper underneath them, take down two copies of the notes, and give him the one with the more legible writing. To encourage him into studying harder, I told him that I would memorize half an hour of English every morning, and asked him to wake up early with me. Every day when I woke up, I would remember that he had also gotten up at this time and start smiling like a fool, and even my recitals would sound as if I was singing.

On our way back home after school, sometimes we would talk about what had happened in class, and sometimes he would sing for me. He loved Zhang Xueyou’s songs and was the best at singing them. His voice was so deep and mellow, so full of magnetism, it was on the same level as Zhang Xueyou himself. From ‘I’ve Waited Till Flowers have Withered Away’ to ‘You Next to Me’, he sang them to me. Afterwards, whenever someone asked ‘Who’s your favourite singer’, I would always reply immediately ‘Zhang Xueyou’. The truth was, I’ve never bought any CD or tapes for his pop songs, every song I heard from Zhang Xueyou, Zhang Jun had sang to me.

On the way back home, he would always carry my bag for me. All I needed to hold was an ice cream. He would sing, and I would listen, and the starry sky accompanied us with the gentle winds.

During weekends, after we had finished our homework, sometimes we would go out to play, or take a stroll by the river.

Whether or not we went outside, and where we went were all up to me, and how I decided was dependent on my financial state. I would always try to maintain the balance between how we spent our money due to my fragile pride and dignity; if he invited me to go roller skating, I would invite him for some street food, but nevertheless, the distance between us was just too big. Sometimes he wanted to invite me to go watch a movie with him but I could only refuse due to my lack of pocket money, and being too ashamed to tell him the real reason behind my actions, I could only say that I did not want to go. Sometimes he would get a little angry, but it came quickly and left quickly.

All of these little things were so small that I didn’t even know how to reminisce on them properly, but back then we were just so happy. Amidst the repetitive life of studying, we would relish that secret happiness. Even though we only had a few moments of time each day together, we cherished every single moment and each drop became as sweet as honey.

That September, everything was as beautiful as the autumn skies. Our hearts were glistening bright, but under that light were our shadows. I was dense and he believed that as long as there was enough love, anything could be overcome.

One particular weekend of October, Zhang Jun said that Master Zhen had invited us to go singing and asked me to tell my parents that I won’t be going home for dinner. I obliged.

At the karaoke bar, I realized that there were many people there, my friends, Guan He and Lin Yiran, Zhang Jun’s friends Master Jia, Master Zhen, Tong Yunzhu, Huang Wei, and some other people that I didn’t know.

I became nervous and deliberately tried to keep my distance from Zhang Jun, not wanting for news of us dating to spread like wildfire before the weekends had even ended, but Zhang Jun didn’t appear to feel my anxiety; wherever I went, he followed.

After a while, Zhang Jun told me that he was leaving for a bit. Quite a while had passed but he still hadn’t returned, and I was just getting a bit curious when Master Zhen who had been keeping an eye on his watch suddenly stood up and closed the lights. Zhang Jun walked in, holding a birthday cake.

Amongst the wavering candlelight, Guan He and Zhang Jun’s friends all started clapping and singing ‘Happy Birthday’. The others immediately understood and also joined in.

I didn’t know what to do and stared at Zhang Jun in shock. Our parents’ generation didn’t care much for such Western traditions, and the normal celebration for a child’s birthday would be a table of nice food and some pocket money. This was the first birthday cake of my life, and also the first time I had ever been blessed so ceremoniously. 

Romantic candlelights, a wholesome blessing, for the first time, I forgot to mind others knowing the relationship between Zhang Jun and I.

“Close your eyes, make a wish and if you blow out the candles in one go, your wish will come true,” Zhang Jun said.

Master Zhen followed. “Wishes at birthdays are all very effective.”

I closed my eyes, cleared my mind and prayed with the most faithful heart for Zhang Jun to love me forever.

Back then, my deepest fear was that he would stop loving me, but what I didn’t know was that him loving me forever did not equal us being together forever.

Opening my eyes, I used my entire body’s force and blew out all the candles in one go. Everyone smiled and clapped.

Everyone one gave me a present and I kept saying thank you. Zhang Jun was the last and everyone was very excited, especially the girls, waiting to see what he had prepared for me because girls always thought that you can clearly see a man’s feelings through the presents they give.

Zhang Jun passed me a red velvet box. I opened it to discover an amazingly pretty golden necklace with a small heart pendant. 

“It’s got our surnames carved onto it.” Zhang Jun pointed at the ‘Zh&L’ to me, ecstatic.

The girls exclaimed into a chorus of praise but Huang Wei crossed her arms, staring at me in disdain.

I closed the box and returned the golden necklace to Zhang Jun. “Sorry, I can’t take it.”

The room suddenly quieted down, none of Zhang Jun’s friends were able to understand my actions. Only Guan He had understanding in her eyes. We were both too full of self-esteem, too proud, or rather, too inferior, too sensitive.

Zhang Jun smiled in what seemed like patience. “Even if you don’t like how it looks, at least take it as a commemoration, it’s got our names on it.”

“I can’t take it.”

Master Zhen glowered at me and was just about to burst into swearing when Master Jia pulled on him and tried to smooth the situation. “The presents have been delivered, it’s time for us to go now.”

Everyone echoed in awkwardness. “Yep, let’s go, time to leave.”

Zhang Jun stared at me, the smile on his face just barely holding on. “I’m going to ask you one last time. Do you want it or not?”

I shook my head.

WIth a ‘bang’, Zhang Jun threw the box into the rubbish bin. As if nothing had happened, he turned to Master Zhen and smiled. “Let’s go play pool.”

Master Zhen glared at me and immediately agreed loudly. “Let’s go, let’s go, time for pool!”

They left, laughing and chatting with all the other people, leaving behind only Lin Yiran and Guan He.

I smiled at them. “Sorry, I think I’ll go home first.”

In a short while, I had fallen from heaven to hell.

Back at home, my brain was still in a tangled mess. I lied on the bed, rolling around, unable to fall asleep, all the hurt and indignance because of Zhang Jun rising up into my heart.

Every day having to leave school in secret, sacrificing my study times for him, falling down to the level of one of his many girlfriends, being mocked by others as they talked about me, even though he knew that I didn’t want anyone to know about our relationship, he still invited so many people every time we were together. It was painful to spend money but he didn’t care about it one bit…

My thoughts were still rambling on when the phone on the table suddenly rang. I was shocked but my intuition made me pick up immediately, so fast that it didn’t even have time to finish ringing.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

I pulled my door open and glanced outside in terror. After making sure that there was no movement coming from my parent’s bedroom, I took the phone and hid in my bed.

We remained silent for a long time. “Are you still here?” he asked.

“Why did you call so late? What if it was my parents who picked up?”

“I thought it over. If it was your parents, I would hang up immediately and they would assume that it was a scam call. But, I had a feeling that you would be the one to pick up.”

I didn’t reply. “Did you get upset?” he asked.

“No.”

“Then do you want to go out with me tomorrow?”

“I need to read tomorrow.”

“The day after tomorrow, and the day after that, you’ll need to read on all of them, won’t you. You just don’t want to see me, right?”

I didn’t reply.

“Today is your birthday so I really shouldn’t have gotten mad at you, especially since it was the first birthday we celebrated together. I really want you to feel happy. I prepared another present for you, so please don’t be angry, okay?”

Another one? I was so stunned that I felt like throwing the phone away. “Stop giving me presents. Emotions aren’t supposed to be expressed through presents.”

“I came to your house just then and I’ve already put it down in front of your house. Go get it.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Even if you don’t want it you still have to go and throw it out, you know. Unless you want your parents to see it tomorrow morning?”

I paused and immediately placed down the phone, slipped into the living room, opened the door and saw that next to the corner of the door there was a small, see-through plastic bottle with a blue lace tied around the top. I snatched it up, closed the door and slid back into my room. 

I only dared to look at it closely when I got into my bedroom: a plastic bottle with a rock inside.

The bottle was beautiful, but it was just the useless bottle from finishing the chocolate beans, and the stone as well, but it was just a normal rock that could be found next to the river if enough time was spent.

No matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t understand what he wanted to say so I took the phone into my bed and called him, my heart thumping loudly. The phone had barely rang once and he had already picked up.

I lowered my voice. “It’s me.”

“I know,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still remember our summer holiday back in Year Five?”

Memories flashed through my head, each of them so clear and so precious but my voice was cold. “No.”

“When Ms Gao was tutoring us for the math competition, we used to walk home together everyday and we would always go play by the river. You loved picking up rocks. You were a little more introverted back then, always with your head lowered, rarely smiling, rarely speaking, but as long as I helped you pick up rocks, you would become happy and start talking to me and telling me stories you read from your books. Do you still remember?”

Of course I remembered, how could I forget? Although there were some slight misalignments in our memories, I remembered that I always tried my hardest to try and continue our conversations, and that no matter whether or not he was picking up rocks for me, I was always happy.

“Every time I come to the river I would pick up rocks almost unconsciously. If I found any that looked pretty, I would keep them. One stone represents one year. For your birthday, I’ll pick out the prettiest rock from my collection and give it to you, every year, from now on. I hope that one day, you will have a hundred pretty rocks from me.” he said.

I thought for a while before I understood what he had meant. In that one single moment, I rose back up to heaven from hell, my heart brimming with emotions but I held them back. “I doubt I’ll be able to live till a hundred.” 

He laughed and said, “If we live together, then we can make it.”

“You’re daydreaming!”

“It’s not just a daydream, I have scientific proof. There have been reports saying that the secret to a long life is to keep up a positive attitude and mood. As long as we are together, we’ll definitely spend every day super happy and live past a hundred.”

He said it so seriously, I couldn’t help but laugh, my hands covering my mouth in a poor attempt at hiding my amusement. The upset from tonight was easily drowned out by this happiness.

Did every relationship walk this curved path of being happy and unhappy so suddenly? I didn’t know. All I knew was that my sensitive young girl’s heart could fall to the bottom of the abyss because of one sentence from him, but it could also immediately rise up to heaven because of a single action of his as well. It might appear capricious, but in truth, the only judgement criteria was one single thing: whether or not he cared about me.