Adachi to Shimamura - Volume 4 - Chapter 5.1

Chapter 5 – Friend and Love

I was an extremely normal person. 
Sure, my personality was more than iffy. I'll give you that. As was the way I acted. Still, if you focused not on those things but on the outline as a whole, I was just a regular person like anyone else. Nothing in particular stood out. 
I had no ability to touch the things that couldn't be seen. 
I wasn't able to involve myself in events that weren't happening directly before my eyes. 
Given all this, there was one thing that I feared more than anything else: That Shimamura would change into something that I didn't recognize while I wasn't there. 
I was scared of it. Scared, scared, scared. 
It was for that reason why, going forward, I was never going to take my eyes off her, not even for a moment. 
So I had decided. 
"Umm, Adachi?" 
With an awkward smile on her face, Shimamura addressed me. 
What? I asked with my eyes. As I did, my shoulder came into contact with hers. 
I was a bit too close, wasn't I? Shimamura's eyes moved from left to right, after which she exhaled softly. 
"Well, whatever." 
It was common for her to do that while we were talking, to simply let matters flow past her. 
To cut off the parts that she didn't want and only take in the rest. 
What made it different from when I hesitated to say something was the fineness of the cut. 
The first period that day had been sports. Though it was a class I had usually skipped during my first year as I found the act of having to change clothes to be way too bothersome, not wanting to let Shimamura out of my sight, I'd decided to start attending going forward. 
The contents of today's class were fitness exams held outside. Joined by another class, we were split into multiple groups and made to run parallel along the track. The two of us had been sitting together, waiting for our turns to come up. 
Shimamura's eyes followed the group currently running, whereas I chose to focus mine on her. Never before had I seen her wearing a jersey. At the same time, it didn't really matter; the unique aura surrounding her would remain the same regardless of what she wore. That, I knew for sure. As I busy trying to find the words to express that aura, two figures appeared before us. 
"Oh, it's Ada Chi-Chi." 
"Chi-Chi." 
They were Hino and Nagafuji, having run to where we were sitting. The hands of the former were placed on the shoulders of the latter, forming a train of sorts. 
"The other way around today, huh?" I could hear Shimamura mumble to herself. What did she mean by that? Other way compared to what? Paying no mind to my confusion, she continued: 
"Look at you, Nagafuji. All glistening." 
With those words out of her mouth, Shimamura proceeded to point her fingers towards Nagafuji. I turned my head to her direction, and in an instant, was able to understand what she'd meant; the hair of the tall girl was visibly wet. 
Looking really proud of herself, Nagafuji stroked her hair, which, to be completely honest, wasn't even all that long. 
"That'd be because I took a bath this morning." 
"I'm telling you, you really cut it close. Thanks to you, I didn't have enough time to fully dry my hair either", Hino added, all the while smiling wryly. Taking a look, I could see that some of the water droplets dripping from Nagafuji's hair had landed on the other girl's forehead. 
"The bath your family has is just so large, Hino." 
There was something about her voice that almost made it sound like she was boasting. Wait, the bath Hino's family had? 
"Why would you go out of your way to have a bath at someone else's house?" 
It seemed that Shimamura had arrived at the same question I had. 
"I stayed over there last night, that's why", Nagafuji stated in response. While the way she said it might have made you think there was nothing strange about it, personally, I found myself completely flabbergasted. She'd stayed over at her house, taken a bath, and then come straight to school? 
Not just that, based on Hino's earlier comment, it almost sounded like they'd taken the bath together. 
Again, completely flabbergasted. 
Shimamura's reaction was much more reserved than mine, culminating in a simple "I see". Regardless, it didn't stop Hino from hurriedly placing her hand against Nagafuji's back and shoving her. 
"We can talk about that some other time. Now, let's go." 
With that, the two ran off, returning to their own class. 
"They sure are busy, those two", Shimamura stated, having watched them leave, before turning her gaze back towards the sports grounds before us. Myself, I temporarily stopped staring at her in favour of focusing on my thoughts. The gears in my head continued turning furiously, trying their hardest to process the assault the two had laid upon me in the form of their statements. 
Staying over at the other person's house. 
There was a part of me that saw that as outrageous, but also one that felt it to be the answer. 
I glanced at Shimamura's face—still staring idly at the field—and as I did, her eyes turned my way. 
"C-Could I... do that too?" 
"Huh?" 
There was a look of confusion on her face. Paying no attention to it, I continued. 
"Stay over..." 
"Hm? At Hino's place?" 
No, no, no. I shook my head multiple times from side to side. 
"At your place, Shimamura!" 
Her face immediately grew stiff. Was it really such an odd thing to say? 
It felt like my eyes might start spinning any second now. And yet, I simply chose to wait, wait for a reply. Soon enough, Shimamura tilted her head and spoke: 
"Why?" 
Why, she asked. 
"The bath we have is really small." 
"I don't mind. That's fine." 
Fine? No, I felt the opposite. Not fine. The bath, not fine. 
Of course, this wasn't the time to be fussing over such things. No, it was still far too early for that. 
"It doesn't matter. But, I do want to stay over." 
"Hmm." 
She closed her eyes before pressing her finger against her forehead. 
"For what reason?" 
Though softer in the way she said it, the contents of her question were identical to the one that had come before. 
I knew how confusing it must be for her to have me proclaim out of nowhere that I wanted to stay over at her house. I could also tell that the tone of her reply wasn't exactly favourable. Still, were I to pull back here after only proposing it once, I'd be left to simply sit back and wait for the next chance to come by, which, in turn, would be far too difficult. 
Opportunities were like things that floated on the surface of water; trying to add more would only increase the amount of liquid, in turn diluting them. 
The more times you repeated that process, the more diffused the likelihood of getting what you wanted grew. 
"I... I want to... become closer to you, Shimamura", I muttered, exposing my true intention. To be perfectly honest with you, this whole proposal was something that had just sprung to my mind. I didn't have a reason for it beyond what I'd said, which was why doing so left me completely hollow inside. This confirmed what I'd felt before; take away all my expectations and wishes towards Shimamura, and only an empty husk would remain. 
"Are we on bad terms right now?" 
Confused, Shimamura stared at me, her eyes wide open. 
"N-No. We aren't. I think. But, I want to get closer." 
Unable to say this to her face, I cast my eyes downwards. As I did, my field of vision grew narrow, almost like someone had placed a hood, a cover over the top half of my head. 
That was all to say, these days, I found it impossible to act calm in front of her. 
You might say that I'd been like that for a while now, and though that was true, I felt like it'd been getting especially bad lately. 
In general, what did it mean for us to get closer? Despite being the one to choose those words, even I couldn't give you a concrete definition. 
"If I stayed over, that might help us... get closer... to each other." 
My attempts at clarification only prompted Shimamura to tilt her head in a sceptical manner. The way I spoke, my words, they were simply too heavy and awkward to dispel her doubts. 
To be perfectly honest with you, even I didn't believe in the existence of such a strict, step-based system. 
"Hmm..." 
Deep in thought, Shimamura turned to face forward. Hino and Nagafuji aside, perhaps it was simply too early for us? On the other hand, I always imagined us doing things once we got closer, once the bond between us grew stronger, but maybe friendships weren't something that you were supposed to treat like experience points in a game or something. If that was how the world worked, if there was a definite right answer that would tell you what to do to strengthen your relation with someone, then no one out there would ever struggle with dealing with others. It couldn't be the truth. Then again, it wasn't like a system where you could simply ignore someone for a long time before one day finding out that you were best friends sounded all that believable either. 
In the end, I was left with the same question as always: What should I do? 
How I wish the world was such that you could embrace someone, and in that instant, love would be born. 
"They had quite the effect on you, huh? Those two?" Shimamura suddenly stated, having now turned back towards me. It was exactly like she said, which was why I found it so embarrassing. 
Burying my face in my raised knees, I peeked at her from behind them. 
"Is that... bad?" 
"No, it was just easy to tell." 
She'd yet to give me a definite answer. Pulling in my shoulders, I grew anxious, anxious that I wasn't ever going to get one. 
Would it come soon? Or would it not? How long would it take? I waited restlessly for that moment. 
Then, at last. 
"Well, whatever. Sure." 
Those magical words took away all of my worries. 
Feeling as relieved as one could feel, I rested my face against my kneecaps. 
...A few hours then flew by, and soon, the school day came to an end. 
"Alright then. Next Saturday or Sunday, either one of those sound good?" Shimamura suggested while checking the calendar on her phone. 
No sooner were those words out of her mouth than I responded with a series of nods. 
We were currently having some tea in the doughnut shop at the mall while discussing the practicalities of me staying over at her place. That's right; not only was the sleepover good in its own right, it also came with the side-benefit of getting to spend time with her after school. What an incredible thing, truly. 
"What about... two nights in a row?" 
"You really want to stay for that long? I'm sure you know it, but our house isn't a hotel", Shimamura laughed. After a short pause, she added: "I'm not Hino, after all." 
"...Is Hino's house really that big?" 
Could it be, she had stayed there as well? 
"Based on what Nagafuji says, it's a real mansion. Not that I've ever seen it for myself." 
I sighed in relief; it seemed that my worries had been unfounded. In that case, whatever. I wasn't actually interested in Hino's house. 
Regardless of how large it might be, that didn't matter. The only thing that did was that Shimamura hadn't been there. 
"Anyway, look, it's not like I have anything to do at home. I'm sure that it'll be okay, if I stay over." 
"What about your part-time job?" 
"I'll go there. From, umm, your house." 
Shimamura's shoulders shook as if there had been something weird about what I just said. 
I wish she would have told me which part that was. The uncertainty was making me really anxious. 
"Munch, munch." 
Having put down her phone, Shimamura took a bite out of her doughnut. Imitating her, I bit into mine as well. 
She'd bought three additional doughnuts to take back home with her. Apparently, for her little sister. 
I could assume she'd eat the second one herself, but that still left one extra. Mysterious. However, just as I was wondering about that... 
"Somehow, I have a feeling there will be an additional person there once I get back home. Haha... hah", she scoffed. An additional person? Shimamura quickly continued: "Lately, I've started to feel like I have two or three little sisters, not just one. I wonder, why is that?" 
Wiping sugar off her finger, she raised her head as if staring off into the distance. 
However, as I quickly realised, she was also staring at me. I blinked instinctively. 
Could it really be? Slowly, my finger turned to point at my own face. 
"I'm one of them?" 
"Hahaha." 
She laughed at me! 
The smile on her face was the good type, the joyful type, the kind delighted that I'd gotten what she was talking about. Usually when Shimamura smiled, I got the impression that she was doing so merely to smooth over things, because it fit the situation, but in this instance, that wasn't the case; her entire face played a role here. Even her eyes. 
That was a very wonderful thing indeed. And yet, the fact remained that she'd laughed at me. 
Hanging my head and staring at the table, I found myself wondering. 
A little sister, huh? A little sister... 
Sakura Shimamura. It even rhymed. 
Sisters were closer than friends, so that was good. 
At the same time, I felt like there was a problem; each step I took towards becoming close to her made it harder and harder for me to get her to look my way. 

First things first, what should I prepare? Sitting in the very centre of my room, I took a look around. There was no such thing as getting ready too early. Why would I subject myself to the panic of realising last minute that I was missing something when I could just as well avoid it? It was simply natural. Yes, extremely so. 
As if; obviously, I was only doing this to hide how nervous I was. 
Let's start from the top. Changes of clothes. That was essential. Using my fingers, I counted how many I would need. I then proceeded to stare at said fingers with a pained look on my face; I only owned around three pairs that I wore around the house during the weekend. To make matters worse, they were all pretty much the same clothes, just in different colour. Oh, but don't get me wrong. I did own other clothes as well. For example, there were the ones I'd bought for my Christmas meeting with Shimamura which now lay practically unused in my closet. There was just the slight problem that those were all winter clothes, and since it was spring right now, I couldn't exactly wear them. It seemed that I would have to do some shopping again. 
Buy, clothes, I wrote on the piece of paper I was using as a memo. 
Next on the list were washing utensils, change of underwear, socks, and my wallet. Oh, and my phone too, just in case. Should I bring my own futon? Maybe. I didn't know if they had spare ones, although then again, it being such a warm season meant that I could likely sleep just fine even without one. Yeah, let's leave it out. It would have been too big and bulky to carry around anyway. So then, was that all I needed? 
Reading out what I'd written on the memo, I couldn't help but see the similarities between it and a handbook you'd give to a student about to go on a school trip. Yeah, this should be good. Not that there was room for much else anyway; you could likely enter a hospital with this list of items and do just fine. 
Crossing my arms, I began to ponder. 
Merely staying over at Shimamura's house wasn't really meaningful in itself. Sure, I'd get to see her in her normal state, and while that did bring me great joy, what didn't was making her feel bored. Unless I went out of my way to find something for us to do, it wasn't hard to imagine that we'd end up simply sitting there in silence, like what tended to happen on the phone. 
Shimamura and I, having fun together. What could I prepare to make that happen? 
A set of playing cards? Somehow, that felt even more like we were going on a school trip. Plus, playing with cards wasn't exactly interesting when there were only two of you. In that case, what about a game meant for two people, like shougi? Or Othello? Shougi was off the table since I didn't actually know how to play it, but Othello, Othello might work. I went ahead and wrote it down in the corner of the memo under the "maybe" category. 
I then lifted my head and gave the boomerang sitting on the shelf a glance. I wasn't considering that as an option, but still, it was true that Shimamura liked table tennis. Going by that logic, perhaps she would prefer outdoors activities over doing something inside? Speaking of, we had gone bowling that one time. I'd definitely like to try that out again without that weird little girl around. 
Then again, that made me think; what was the point in staying over at her place if we were just going to go outside anyway? 
"...No, that's not it." 
We'd leave together, we'd come back together. Just imagine that, sharing the way back with her. What a lovely thought. 
I added bowling to the memo. 
And yet, despite that, I was left with the exact same question as before: What next? Slouching forward, I stopped to think. 
What exactly did friends around the world do for fun? 
For a moment, I considered asking Hino and Nagafuji. However, on a second thought, I decided against it; those two were hardly what I'd call normal, and I didn't get the feeling they would make for very good reference material. Moreover, Nagafuji's answer would certainly consist of some nonsense I couldn't even understand. This sure was difficult. Thinking that to myself, I put the pen down. I then crossed my arms. In a lot of ways, I resembled a person confronting a zen question. 
Shimamura likely wasn't having any of these thoughts, was she? Just imagining the vast difference in enthusiasm between us caused my body to shiver. 
Shimamura. 
Shimamura's house. 
Shimamura and I. 
"..." 
If there truly was nothing for us to do, then I suppose we could always just watch TV or something. 
She would let me sit between her legs like the last time. There, I'd turn my head, face her, and... 
Before I knew it, I'd uncrossed my arms and placed my hands against the floor. With my head hung, I waited for the warmth running through me to cool down. 
Then, once calm, I crossed my arms for a second time, closed my eyes, and asked myself the following: 
If it were to happen again, would I be able to stay there without running away this time? Would I be able to face her? Most likely. 
Right. That was the answer: Don't run. Of course, saying it like that—like I was talking about someone else—was easy, and the moment I actually considered what the possible outcomes of going through with it might be, the insides of my head once again began growing hot. Somewhere deep, I could feel a throb. 
"I won't run away!" 
I found it a little surprising how unreservedly I was able to bring myself to shout those words out when no one else was at home. 
Perhaps something had snapped inside my head during that time when I'd kept shouting and shouting. My jaw certainly felt lighter to move. 
I couldn't remain the way I was forever. 
Why? Because I was making an effort to act more assertive towards Shimamura. 
I went through my list of items, decided there were enough, and then glanced up at the clock. 
The day appeared to be far from over. Yeah, it might have been a bit premature to be focusing so much on the weekend. 
Time flowed slowly, just like back in those days when I had spent all of it by myself. 
Of course, the one difference was that I could now see hope at the end of it. 
Not yet? Restlessly, I moved my right foot up and down. 
All I wanted was for the hands of the clock to rotate faster. 
"..." 
I got up and went buy clothes. 

"Don't you have a bit too much stuff?" 
That was the very first thing Shimamura said to me as she welcomed me in. 
I was carrying a bag on my right shoulder. Same for my left shoulder. In addition, I also had one on my back. 
That made three bags in total. Not really all that much... was it? 
"It's almost like you were moving in", she laughed. Based on her reaction, it seemed impossible for her to imagine what I could have brought that took this much space. 
During my earlier shopping trip, I'd begun thinking about this and that, and had ultimately concluded that it wouldn't be good for me to simply ask her for things. With that in mind, I'd ended up grabbing a bottle of shampoo. Similarly, making my own food felt like it would waste less of her time, which was why I had bought four days' worth of it. I even briefly reconsidered my stance on bringing my own futon, although as you could see, that was the one thing I didn't have with me. Regardless, that was all to say that I'd fallen into the rabbit hole of anxiety and climbed out carrying two extra bags. 
It was my goal to stay over both Saturday and Sunday night and then head to school with her on Monday, which was why I had also loaded up my uniform and textbooks. Those took the majority of bag number three. 
"Also, aren't you a little early?" 
Shimamura proceeded to rub her eyes as she stated this. I could see a lone tear roll down her face illuminated by the morning sun, left there by a yawn. 
I didn't blame her; it was currently eight in the morning. 
"Sorry. Were you sleeping?"  

One moment, I'd lain in my bed with my eyes wide open, unable to get sleep, and the next, I was here, standing before Shimamura's house. 
"Yeah, you did wake me up. Not that it matters. Now, you can be pretty strict with time when you want to, huh, Adachi? Well done, well done." 
"Huh? Yeah..." 
To tell you the truth, I'd actually gotten here before seven. However, that was definitely way too early in my opinion, which was why I had spent the last hour or so riding around on my bike. I could only thank the warm season that I wasn't shivering to the bone right now. Oh, and also the fact that it was the weekend; who knew what all the kids heading to grade school would have thought of me. 
Shimamura brushed her ruffled hair to the side before opening her eyes wide. 
"Are you hiding more surprises, I wonder. Hmm... Anyway, let me start over. Properly this time. Welcome, Adachi." 
With a smile on her face, she greeted me. Thus, I was invited to her house, like a pet beckoned in by its master. 
I took my shoes off and stepped into the hallway, and immediately, my eyes met with her little sister, having just come out from deeper in. I twitched. She did as well. 
"This is a friend of mine. You remember her, right?" Shimamura introduced me. 
"S-Sorry to bother", I mumbled while bowing, earning myself a quiet "welcome" in response. I think she might have mentioned it earlier, but regardless, it seemed that Shimamura's sister was shy around new people. That made two of us. Honestly, I felt slight affinity towards her. I also felt relieved. 
It was likely this point we had in common that led Shimamura to treat me like a little sister. 
Wasting no time, the girl disappeared into one of the rooms. The kitchen, perhaps? 
"Hmph. Stop pretending like you're a good girl", Shimamura chuckled after her sister. Then, she turned around towards me. "Are you fine with the room upstairs? Then again, it's the only free one, so I don't really know why I'm asking." 
She was pointing at the set of stairs next to the hallway. Instinctively, I nodded. It was only a second later that I realised something. 
Wasn't her room supposed to be downstairs? 
My confusion likely ended up showing on my face, as mere moments later, Shimamura opened her mouth. 
"Oh? Upstairs won't do?" 
"No, that's... that's not what I..." 
How was I meant to say this? My eyes bounced all around, and so did my heart. Ultimately, these were the words I chose to go with: 
"I was just wondering. We're not gonna.... stay in the same room?" 
Oh, no, don't get me wrong. I just wasn't good at spending the nights by myself, that's all. 
One look at my family background made it clear what a baseless lie that was. Shimamura likely saw right through it as well, didn't she? 
"You'd prefer that?" she asked me straight, going about it the least roundabout way possible. 
If I were to answer honestly, then yes, I would prefer that. Extremely so. You could even say that I wanted it. Using my eyes, I did my best to appeal to her. 
And yet, Shimamura would only smile at me awkwardly. It wasn't entirely clear what she was trying to imply with the expression on her face. 
"Personally, I don't mind. I just think my sister will most likely be against it. So, sorry." 
Rejected. 
"I... I see..." 
I took the grandiose expectations I'd had and hid them behind a fake smile. 
This wasn't the first time I'd been slapped across the face by reality. Things never went my way. I really should know better than to get my hopes up. And yet, despite all that, I still couldn't help but feel disappointed. 
"Oh, yeah, that's fine. It's not a big deal", I rushed to state. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt like I had to. 
We then climbed upstairs for me to drop off my stuff. I was guided to a room, the same one Shimamura had, in the past, used for studying. It no longer being winter, the kotatsu had been cleared away, and in its place, a single futon had been rolled out. 
I placed my bags in the centre of the room and sat down next to them. There, I found myself thinking back to Shimamura's earlier words. 
Personally, I don't mind. 
"She doesn't mind?" 
The darkness before me brightened up ever so slightly. 
Deep down, I might have been a more optimistic person than how I first appeared. My nose and mouth pointed upward, I proceeded to breathe in the atmosphere of the room, heavy with dust just like the last time. I could feel my skin growing dry as it came into contact with my face. 
I remained there on the floor, half-sitting, half-standing. Perhaps I should go open the curtains? I considered doing that, but before I could, the door creaked. A head then poked through the slight gap. It was Shimamura's. 
"How about breakfast? Did you eat before you came?" 
"Oh, it's fine. I brought my own", I replied before sticking my hand into my bag. What I pulled out was a sack of stick breads, not all that badly crushed due to having been placed on the top. Then, as if to emphasize how me staying over wasn't going to cause her any bother, I added: "I have these." 
"Hmph." 
"Yeah..." 
What was going on here? I wasn't really sure. 
Staring at her, I began to open the bag. This, however, prompted Shimamura to open her eyes wide. 
"Hmm? You're going to eat here?" 
"Huh?" 
"I was just thinking, why don't we eat together? In the kitchen. I'm just about to have breakfast." 
So, this was what it had been about? Not all that confusing, now that I thought about it. 
"N-No, I will. I'll come." 
With the bag still in hand, I rushed to get up. My clumsy behaviour earned yet another giggle from Shimamura. 
Following her, the two of us made our way to the kitchen downstairs. Shimamura's little sister was sitting there. And not just her, but her mother as well. 
"Welcome." 
The woman used the exact same words her daughter had when greeting me. Even their voices sounded similar. 
"Sit over there." 
I moved to the seat appointed to me. Shimamura sat next to her sister, whereas I was left by myself on the other side of the table. 
Based on the chair's location relative to the rest of the family, I could only assume that this was where her father normally sat. 
"We've never had a friend stay over before", Shimamura's mom stated, all the while looking at me very interestedly. I found myself shrinking before her intense gaze. At the same time, there was something about those words, "never before", that caused my heart to throb. I was the first. First. A wave of joy gushed out from deep within me. "Still, I was a bit disappointed when I learned that you hadn't come to study with her." 
Although she said she was disappointed, based on the smile on her face, it didn't seem like she'd really been expecting all that much. 
Right. We were connected by being in the same class, and as such, it made sense to assume that the reason why I had come to stay over would have something to do with school. 
Well then, what did I come here for? I would've been at complete loss had she asked me that. Thankfully, she didn't. She didn't say anything afterwards. 
Looking to my side, I saw Shimamura's little sister repeatedly poking her omelette. I got the impression that she didn't really want to be here. 
Naturally, that was because of me. I was the reason why her shoulders appeared drawn in. 
Hanging my head just like her, I opened my bag of breads. 
"Oh? I did prepare breakfast for you too, Adachi", Shimamura's mom stated in a cheerful manner before handing me a plate. On it was a was slice of bread next to a serving of scrambled eggs. "Would you like some?" 
"Oh, umm... Yeah. Thank you very much." 
I set the bag aside and accepted the plate. It felt kinda fresh, to be treated with such kindness. 
I took small bites out of the bread. Glancing at her, Shimamura's little sister appeared to be eating in a similar way. 
Our eyes happened to meet which made me feel quite awkward, and so, I once again ended up hanging my head. Unlike her mother, it seemed that the youngest of the family wasn't particularly welcoming of me. It wasn't hard for me to sympathize with her. After all, we were similar, she and I. 
Both of us were the kind of people who wanted to hog our big sister all to ourselves. 
"Say, Adachi. Do you take school seriously? Our girl doesn't, so I was just wondering." 
It was her mother who spoke, changing the topic of conversation. How was I supposed to reply? I simply didn't know. I glanced at Shimamura's face, but there were no answers there either. 
"Well, I, umm..." 
"She's like me." 
Shimamura stepped in. Right, I was like her. We were the same. Wait, no. I was definitely worse. 
"Really? I'm surprised. You look like such a good girl. Much more so than our little delinquent." 
"Shut up", Shimamura snarled with an awkward look on her face. It was clear at glance that she wanted to finish eating as soon as possible and get away from here. Her mother appeared to see through this, but just didn't care. 
This was something I noted; the woman underestimated her daughter. 
"Shimamura is a very good girl. Way, way more than me." 
Saying that she was a "good guy" would have been weird. Saying that she was a "good person" would have been even weirder. 
Of course, the alternatives being bad didn't make the word "girl" any less questionable in its own right. 
"A good girl? Ahaha. I see. So, you're like her big sister then, huh, Adachi?" her mother stated while putting her hands together, almost like applauding. Her understanding of the situation couldn't have been further from the truth. 
"She's not", Shimamura stated sharply. Not that the woman heard; she was far too busy laughing. 
My goal had been to simply back her up, but instead, I'd ended up pouring more oil into the fire. 
In one go, Shimamura tossed what remained of her bread slice into her mouth. "Thanks", she stated, her cheeks stuffed, before getting up and leaving. Was she angry? Feeling slightly responsible, I also filled my mouth with bread, chewed thoroughly, and then more or less forced the chunk down my throat. 
"Thank you for the food", I said. It wasn't a phrase I used commonly, and saying it out loud like this felt kinda awkward. Regardless, Shimamura's mom responded by once again pressing her hands together and stating: "You two sure do get along." 
Next, I carried the plate I'd used to the sink to wash it. This prompted the woman to move next to me. 
"How polite. My stupid daughter could learn a thing or two from you." 
She followed her comment with a sigh, leaving me unable to do anything but nod my head vaguely. 
My head hung, I left the kitchen and followed after Shimamura. 
"Are you angry?" 
"Hm? About what?" she asked, having turned around to look at me. Her cheeks were no longer stuffed, and similarly, the tone of her voice sounded the same it always did. "Oh, the earlier? That's just how Mom always is. No point getting angry." 
Laughing, she waved her hand in the air. Not the slightest bit of resentment could be heard in her words. 
So, this was the relationship between them? I couldn't help but feel a little impressed. 
Then again, how it actually felt, I didn't have a clue; I'd never experienced anything of the sort myself. 
"More importantly, Adachi." 
Shimamura turned to face me again, this time entirely. 
Holding her right arm close to her body, a faint smile appeared on her face. 
"What shall we do now?" 
Her voice tickled my ears. It sounded like she was asking a question, but at the same time, like she was proclaiming the beginning of something. 
I could feel a mixture of hope and impatience shoving me forward. 
How long ago was it that I'd started to think about weekends as being special? 

"..." 
As I lay there, staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, a question appeared in my head. 
What was it that we'd spent the day doing? 
There wasn't really anything worth reciting. Basically, I'd clung to Shimamura like I always did, and it was that but just spread across the entire day. We'd played Othello on the board I brought with me, we'd sat side by side (in a really formal way, for some reason) and watched TV, Shimamura had taken a look inside my bags and laughed while also astonished. 
I was the only one of us both excited and eager. As for Shimamura, she acted like usual, choosing simply to cast herself into the flow of time and let it carry her. Occasionally, I would glance at her face, and each time, she'd be staring into the distance with a tired look in her eyes. Our eyes would then meet, prompting her to let out a small giggle. There was something deep inside me that always squeezed up whenever I witnessed one of these delayed reactions. I couldn't say for sure what that something was, just that it was messing with my emotions. 
Regardless, that was the entire day. Completely mundane. 
Nothing special had happened. We'd simply spent time together. In a way, that was exactly what I'd wanted. And yet, there was also another side to me, one that had been hoping for something more drastic. I'd need a bit more time to bridge these two sides. 
"..." 
So, that was it then? I'd come here, and the next moment, lain down by myself and welcomed the night, without anything meaningful in between? 
Not exactly. 
Something had happened, something I could talk about if I really wanted to. 

"Go take a bath right away when you're done eating. I know you and how quickly you can fall asleep once you have your stomach full." 
"Yes, yes", Shimamura replied to her mother scolding her from across the dinner table, giving the impression she was barely even listening. She then glanced in my direction, as if embarrassed to have someone from outside her family be present for this exchange. It was almost like our positions had been reversed, which, if I'm being honest, kinda made me happy. 
I found it quite shocking that not only did they have enough food for me, her mother served me without any hesitation, like it was a completely normal thing to do. 
Also, worth mentioning, this was where I first met her father. 
"It's great having a young girl at the dinner table", the man laughed briskly, earning a stern look from her daughter, obviously the same age as me. This was likely the kind of joke typical for him. 
There was a certain airheadedness Shimamura displayed at times, and based on what I saw, I couldn't help but wonder if she had perhaps inherited it from her father. 
After dinner was done, the two of us went to the room upstairs. It was hard to describe just how happy it made me that she'd naturally chosen to come there with me instead of her own room down on the first floor. I was filled by a strange sense of superiority, almost like I could do anything, although whom those feelings were aimed towards, I wasn't exactly sure. 
Regardless, that was the reason why I was feeling so bold at that moment, and why I decided to go ahead and ask her the following: 
"Do you mind if I... umm... sit between your legs?" 
I wonder, how had I sounded the previous time I asked her that? Slightly less brazen than I did now, I would assume. 
Those events had been erased from my mind, and though that meant I couldn't draw any real comparison between that past and the present, I still got the impression that I hadn't made much progress. 
In ever so slightly mean fashion, Shimamura curled the corners of her mouth. 
"If you promise you won't run away." 
And so, it happened. With my neck drawn in, I nervously sat down between her spread legs. There, I found myself staring at her thighs, as if allured by them. Shimamura's legs really were pretty. No doubt would the China dress look better on her than it did on me. I'd love to see her wear it some time. 
"You're not going to lean in?" she asked, all the while touching my shoulders. This was exactly how it had happened the last time. 
"Well then, excuse me." 
Acting slightly reserved, I went ahead and leaned towards her. Ahh! Whoa! Hee! My eyes then sprung open, completely unprompted. All thought left my head. 
What was I doing here? I was so... stupid. So weird. So... like that. 
The sensation of something touching me caused me to blush, once again all on my own. That something was Shimamura's chest. 
Unlike before when she'd been wearing her school uniform, all that stood between us now was a thin shirt, allowing me to clearly feel the set of bumps against my back. I curled up my body slightly, bringing me even closer to her. I was feeling dizzy, so much so that I genuinely worried the trembling inside me might end up escaping through my mouth, and in a similar fashion, my heart continued beating increasingly fast. Why? For what reason? I couldn't tell. Things were simply happening too quickly for my mind to keep up. 
Shimamura was a girl. So was I. Her chest was touching my back. 
What reason was there for me to act this hastily? 
I sat there with my knees held up, my hands moving nervously above them. 
A few moments passed. I remained silent, instead focusing all of my attention to keeping myself together. That continued for a while, until at some point, I noticed that Shimamura's breath had grown faint and stable. Was she asleep, perhaps? I thought about turning around to check, although seeing how that might cause her to wake up, I ultimately chose not to. My body growing even stiffer, I held my breath. 
It seemed that Shimamura hadn't been kidding when she said that her weekends consisted purely of resting. 
The motionless state we were in eventually came to an end as out of nowhere, I felt her lean backwards. This, of course, meant the two of us becoming separated. A strange sensation passed through my mind as she pulled herself away from me, almost like I was deflating. ...Yeah, there was definitely something weird about me. 
This was good. I chose to accept the situation I found myself in. Well, not that there was anything I could have done about it. 
Shimamura, lying on the floor with her legs spread, and me, sitting between them. The whole thing was quite surreal. 
A slight smile formed on my face as I found myself thinking back to what her mother had said in the kitchen. 
Mothers knew well. It seemed likely that mine wasn't an exception to that rule. 
Although, for her, what she knew was probably how little she understood me. 
I sat there for a moment, thinking about all that stuff while staring at Shimamura's legs. Then, it happened. 
The door opened, and a tiny face poked through to take a look inside the room. Judging by how her legs jolted, Shimamura appeared to have somehow sensed this and woken up. 
The person now standing in the doorway was none other than Shimamura's little sister. Her eyes narrow, she stared at us. I could see her holding what appeared to be a fresh pyjama in her tiny hand. Shimamura—still lying on the floor—noticed this too, and it was apparently enough for her to conclude that the girl was on her way to take a bath. 
"You want to go in first? That's rare." 
Her sister walked inside the room without answering the question. Then, looking off to the side, she stated the following: 
"Let's take a bath together, Sis." 
"Huh?" 
This suggestion was enough to cause Shimamura to spring up. I, too, was left shocked; it really had come out from nowhere. 
"What's that? I thought you didn't like it because you found it embarrassing." 
"It's fine every once in a while. Come on, let's go." 
Having said this, her sister grabbed her hand. Confused, Shimamura got on her feet, allowing herself to be dragged away. She then quickly glanced my way: 
"I'll, err, go for a bit." 
With those words, she exited the room before I managed to say anything one way or another. No longer supported by anything, I was left to tumble over like a daruma doll, still holding my knees. 
I glanced up, and saw that Shimamura's little sister had stopped in the doorway to give me one last look. 
Her eyebrows were drawn together, and her mouth was twisted like an upside-down letter U. 
It didn't take me any time to interpret her expression. 
I knew where it came from, I knew what it meant. 
It was for that reason I found it impossible to chase after the two and stop them. I couldn't do anything, really. Just sit there. It was like staring into a mirror. 
So yeah, that happened. 

When you resembled someone in great detail, the things that displeased you obviously displeased them as well. 
As such, it was only natural for your gears to fail to engage when mashing them together without any sort of adjustments. 
I did want to get along with her little sister. I really did. However, if doing so required me to give up on certain things related to Shimamura, then it simply couldn't be the right path for me to take. And if it wasn't the right path, then I wasn't going to walk down it. 
Of course, I was already filled with regret at the best of times despite my attempts to strive for the best possible outcome, but even so. 
"She takes baths with her, she sleeps in the same room as her... I wonder, do they use different futons?" 
I found myself harbouring something similar to adoration towards the girl. 
She required even more affection that I did, and yet, Shimamura gave it to her. I suppose it just went to show what a meaningful thing that was, being someone's actual little sister. The bond the two shared was simply unbreakable. 
As had become the norm, I couldn't feel the light film of sleepiness descending upon me. Nights like these were always long. So long. 
"..." 
I knew it was far too late already, but as I lay there, unable to fall asleep, a certain thought came to my mind. 
Night-time made up over half of any given day. 
It was strange spending such a large span of time all by yourself. Strange in the sense that I sought Shimamura. 
Japanese was weird too, of course, but I didn't especially care about that. 
What I wanted to say was, if my goal for staying over was to be with Shimamura, then didn't the fact that I spent roughly half of every day separated from her make me being here half as meaningful? 
There, in the final hours of the day, I finally realised it. 
You only know what you should have done when it's too late. That line I remembered hearing somewhere now resonated within my heart more strongly than ever before. 
It was exactly for that reason that I should act while I still had time. 
There were still tomorrows left for me. 
The place for me to improve things was right here. 
Here. Here, it would change. 
"Uuh..." 
Filled with such determination, I felt like I was never going to be able to get sleep. 
If only I'd had any of that determination left when I woke up the following morning. 

Noon of the next day eventually rolled around, and with it, so did the time for me to go to work. 
Being an employee, I wasn't exactly in a position to tell them I wouldn't be coming due to it being the weekend. 
Every second spent outside Shimamura's house directly took away from the time I could be with her. 
And yet, despite that, it wasn't all downsides. 
"Bye." 
Her hair a horrible mess having just gotten out of bed, Shimamura stood there in the hallway, waving her hand as she saw me off. The encouragement I was given by her words to walk forward, as well as the reluctance I felt towards closing the door—normally a mere hunk of wood but now something so much more—both occupied my mind at once, mixing together to form a strange sensation of a lukewarm liquid flowing deep inside the depths of my stomach. 
"I'll... be going now." 
Warm. It was like something warm had fallen on my back and was now spreading gently throughout my body. 
"I-I'll do my best!" 
I decided to go ahead and pump my fist just for the heck of it. After a few moments spent staring at me surprised, Shimamura moved her hand in front of her mouth and responded with a giggle. It was quite rare for my jokes to land so well. Perhaps it was a sign, sign that today would be a good day. 
Still in a great mood, I stepped outside, only to be greeted by a sky without a single cloud. 
Yes, this was certainly a good day. 
I continued walking forward briskly. As I did, I began to think about where the energy now filling me had come from. 
Why was it that I'd taken in this exchange like it was something I couldn't possibly have seen coming? Why was it that I now found myself overflowing with both astonishment and joy? 
I didn't even need to think about it to be able to tell you that; the answer clearly lay within how badly I got along with my family. 
I wonder, were I to take a step forward and be willing to meet them halfway, could that lead to things ever so slightly changing between us? 
A part of me felt like it was already too late. At the same time, I couldn't deny that seeing Shimamura's family act so friendly towards each other did cause me to reconsider my stance, to wonder if that was perhaps something I could attain for myself. 
With thoughts like those running through my mind, I eventually arrived at work. Although it was spring already, the line-up of people working there had remained mostly the same. Likewise, I was still forced to wear the China dress. I didn't hate wearing it nearly as much as I once had, though; Shimamura stating that it looked good on me had really changed my opinion. Pulling the hem tight, I stood there, waiting for customers to arrive. Not disliking the dress itself didn't mean that I was any less bothered by my legs being exposed. 
Only a tiny sliver of my skin was actually visible compared to when I wore a skirt, and yet, it felt so much worse. I wonder, why was that? 
The first group of customers arrived around fifteen minutes after the store was opened. Following them, a few people came in by themselves. I served them as I would any other customer, my body effectively moving by itself. Preparing towels, pouring water, it was all the sort of work I was used to doing. I continued without a pause, not necessarily because I felt motivated, but rather, because I had no reason to stop. 
Some time passed, and I was now serving a girl sitting by herself. 
"Please call me when you're ready to order", I stated, having placed a glass of water on her table. The words practically flowed out of my mouth, which made sense, I suppose, considering the sheer number of times I must had uttered that exact phrase by that point. In any case, I then began to walk away, but just as I did... 
"Hm?" 
...the girl suddenly lifted her eyes from the menu she'd been reading and pointed them towards me. Although you might have expected her to do so because she was ready to order, there was something about the situation at hand that made it clear that wasn't the case. 
"I knew it", she muttered with a faint smile on her face, cutting the awkward silence short before it could really even begin. "You're that girl, right? The other day. You gave me this." 
Having said that, the girl took her bag, turned it over, and held it up to me. I immediately recognized the bear dangling off it; it was identical to the one I'd picked up at the mall—to the one that hung from Shimamura's bag. 
The rest of it came to me as well soon after. Yes, this was the high school girl I'd run into in front of the pet shop. 
"Thanks for that. I mean it." 
"Oh, sure." 
Incidentally, I also remembered wanting to have something that matched with Shimamura. 
Perhaps we could go buy something together once I got back? 
Somehow, I was able to view today as being full of good things. 
Was it everything I'd received from Shimamura's family that made it so? Must have been. That is what I chose to believe. 
"Wow. What a face." 
"Huh?" 
The girl's statement brought me back to reality. She was staring at me with her mouth open, and had likely been doing so for a while now. 
Panicking, I began pulling my expression together with my hands. Just what sort of face had I been making? My ears continued to spin furiously. 
"I thought you were super unfriendly, but turns out, you have a pretty soft face." 
Her comment was followed by a wide grin, seemingly meant to carry on the tone of whatever I'd been doing. 
I was scared to ask her, but at the same time, I knew that not knowing and having to stress about it would be far worse. 
"What sort of... face was it?" 
"Hmm. I think I might describe it as looking like one of your teeth had fallen out, maybe." 
"Huh?" 
"Loose. And like, lax." 
Like this, the girl stretched the underside of her own face. 
The area around her mouth did certainly fit the description of "loose". "Lax" as well. 
"Oh, I see..." 
"Yep." 
"Please call me when you're ready to order." 
I wrung out my work-voice. It didn't come from my throat, but somewhere else. 
With those words, I promptly left the scene. My ears continued to ring as I grabbed the tray. 
What stared me back on its polished, mirror-like surface was my own face, red from embarrassment. 

What was I supposed to say when I walked in? That was the question bothering me as I made my way back from work. 
Considering that this was Shimamura's house, not mine, it would've been a little strange to say something like "I'm back". 
I normally didn't say anything when I came home. Why? Because most of the time, there wasn't anyone there. 
Ultimately, I decided to go with the safe choice. Even if it was a little strange to repeat it. 
"Sorry to intrude..." I stated cautiously as I walked in through the door. 
"Welcome back", a voice replied, returning my greeting with no delay. I was completely taken aback. 
The speaker had been none other than Shimamura's mother, currently cleaning the floor in the entrance. There was something about the words she'd chosen, "welcome back", that caused my throat to spontaneously grow clogged. 
After a moment of her staring at me funny, I at last managed to force my voice out. 
"I'm... I'm back. Back here." 
I wasn't sure why I felt it to be necessary to add that last bit. Regardless, Shimamura's mother didn't appear to think much of my suspicious behaviour. 
"Hougetsu is out right now. She said she was going shopping." 
"Oh, I see..." 
At first, I was left wondering who this "Hougetsu" might be. Then, a second later, it hit me: She was referring to Shimamura. 
I didn't really think about her given name often—or at all—but upon reinspection, it sure was quite something, wasn't it? 
It even had a certain sense of nobility to it, all which made using it in conversation extremely difficult. Should I perhaps start calling her... Hou? 
"I'm sure she'll be back soon. She tends to find stuff like that more annoying than anything." 
"Right..." 
"As for her tendency to oversleep, though, she's been like that since always. Yeah, she was the kind of kid who slept like a koala." 
Her mother continued to talk with great passion. While I did nod along, without Shimamura here, I couldn't help but feel like I'd walked into the wrong house. Like this wasn't where I belonged. 
I really wish she would have just come back already. 
"How is she at school?" 
Again, her mother addressed me. By "she", I assume she meant Shimamura. 
"Umm, what do you mean?" 
"Does she attend classes regularly?" 
Though her hands were moving, the woman's head remained turned my way. 
"She does." 
"Well, that's good then." 
The way she spoke reminded me of Shimamura; there was no sense of attachment to it, none. 
"I know I just said it, but that girl, she really does find most things annoying. It must be difficult dragging her along." 
Huh? 
"No, not at all. It's actually, umm, the opposite." 
"The opposite?" 
"I'm always the one being le... lea... led?" 
It was a pretty weird way to put it, sure, but nothing else came to mind. 
Shimamura's mother's shoulders shook in response, almost like she'd just heard a joke. 
"Well, that's surprising." 
The way she moved her mouth resembled Shimamura a great deal. 
Speak of the devil, the door then opened. 
"I'm bac—Oh, Adachi. Welcome." 
Changing her greeting halfway-through, Shimamura walked in. She was carrying a small paper bag in her hand. 
"Anyway, I'm home." 
"Welcome back." 
It was during the second round of greetings that she noticed her mother was present. She looked at me, then at her. That continued for a moment, until finally, she opened her mouth: 
"You two didn't talk about anything weird, did you?" 
"Hihihi." 
The woman's eerie laughed prompted her daughter's eyes to narrow. Regardless, Shimamura didn't say anything else, and simply took her shoes off. She then looked towards the hallway and compared her options. 
"Upstairs might be fine." 
With those words, she began walking up the stairs. Naturally, I followed her. Looking at it from this perspective, perhaps saying that I was always the one being led had been the correct way to put it—I was almost like a pet dog or something, constantly chasing after her. 
"Good grief", Shimamura grumbled as we entered the room on the second floor, all the while fiddling with her hair. Then, a second later, she stopped and turned to face me. It seemed like she'd remembered something. Something hair related, perhaps? 
"Right. Crouch for a little bit, Adachi." 
"Hm? Okay, sure..." 
Doing as told, I fell to my knees. Shimamura immediately reached for my hair and touched it. Huh? What? What was going on? Her extended arms casting a shadow on my face, I sat there, utterly confused. 
"Let's just do this and..." she muttered, all the while her fingers moved across my head. It seemed that she was attaching whatever it was she'd pulled out from the bag to my hair. Once done, she stepped back and took a good look at me. 

"Yep. Same hairstyles." 
"Huh?" 
Shimamura took out a hand mirror and showed me my face on it. I was blushing slightly, and though that might have been normal, what wasn't was the hairpin modelled after a flower now attached to the right side of my hair. Same hairstyles, just like she'd said. It seemed like this was what'd been inside the bag. 
"I wanted to try it out since the colour matched your hair. Although, hmm, looking at it now, it's pretty far off." 
She continued observing my face keenly, leading me to blush and feel really embarrassed. I honestly didn't know why she was doing this. It was a pretty common occurrence with Shimamura, and one of the ways in which she resembled her father, I suppose. 
Regardless, whatever her reason might have been, the sheer fact that she'd bought me something made me beyond happy. 
The fact that Shimamura, a person who found most things too bothersome to deal with, had gone out of her way to do something for my sake. 
It was yet another irreplaceable outcome, brought to be by this tiny little thing. My hands moved to touch my hair. I continued fiddling with it, until a few moments later, Shimamura opened her mouth: 
"Oh, right", she stated. "I'll give this hairpin to you. I have one just like it myself." 
"Huh?" 
She'd bought me the same kind of hairpin that she wore. 
We... matched, didn't we? 
Was that something she'd been conscious of too? No, likely not; based on her reaction, it didn't seem like she thought much of it. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd already forgotten we'd ever talked about it. 
And yet. 
As far as I was concerned, this was enough to make fireworks go off inside me. Bubbles and foam gushed on me from all directions, and in the middle of it, there floated something bright. My ears rang and my head felt dizzy as that something brought me to a state of euphoria words simply couldn't describe. 
My arms shook. They shook inwards. 
"I... I—!" 
"Ghyeh!" 
Without a warning, I embraced Shimamura. I was squeezing her with such strength I worried her head might come off. 
And yet, I couldn't stop. 
"Shimamura, I—!" 
"I'm getting a deja vu." 
"Lov—Lovili!" 
With my entire heart put into it, I bit my tongue. 
"Lovili?" 
That sounds delicious, she went on to add. For me, all I could taste was the blood dripping from my tongue. 
"Lovely. Yes, I think you're lovely..." 
Having calmed down slightly, I repeated my statement. 
"Also, you did something similar before, didn't you?" 
"Yes..." 
My arms now weak and powerless, I released her. Quietly, Shimamura—Well, no. 
She was hardly what I'd call quiet. If anything, based on the look on her face, she seemed to be holding back a grin. 
"Hmm, funny." 
Having said that, Shimamura placed her hand on her chin. There, with her eyes pointed my way, she observed me keenly. Huh? 
"Your face", she pointed out after a few moments. I could only assume that I'd asked something to the effect of "what sort of face" with my expression as this statement was quickly followed by another: "It's squiggly." 
What she meant by that, I couldn't tell you. The whole thing went way over my head. Squiggly in what direction? 
It was becoming an increasingly common occurrence for her to point out the imperfections (was that the right way to put it?) of my face. 
Was that what I did all day long, give everyone around me weird looks? Possibly. 
I wasn't aware of it myself, not in the slightest, but yes, maybe that was the case. 
Even so, there was no quick way for me to check my own expression. Wait, no. I was checking it right now, wasn't I? 
Checking it through Shimamura. She let me know. 
"...Enough about that." 
"Hmm?" 
Looking slightly confused, Shimamura tilted her head. I grabbed her shoulders and made her sit before crouching down before her myself. 
While the fact that her simply touching my hair had caused me to react that way—or as Shimamura put it, make a "funny face"—did bring me joy, it also made me anxious. Anxious that it might happen again. After all, what I was about to ask her required me to look stern. 
"..." 
"Adachi?" 
What made up the majority of what was left of this specific day? 
Night. The answer was night. Sun had already begun setting for the day, meaning that, out of all the parts of it that remained, night-time was by far the longest. 
Given that, deciding how to spend it was crucial. Thankfully, I'd already figured that out last evening. 
As such. 
"Shimamura." 
"Hmm?" 
"Why don't we, sleep together tonight." 
I felt a throbbing pain deep inside the roots of my teeth. My dry eyes were pulled downwards, and that hurt as well. 
"Well, but..." 
Drawing my neck in like a child who'd just been scolded, I nervously waited for Shimamura's reaction. 
I didn't know what I was going to do if she said no. And yet, at the same time, it wasn't possible to convey my feelings unless I spoke up. That was the conflict raging inside my head at all times. A turmoil of positive and negative emotions pushing each other back and forth. Regardless, it was most often the forward-facing thoughts that ended up winning. 
Oh, but don't get me wrong; that didn't mean that I managed to beat my own weakness. No, the victory was achieved in full by Shimamura. Simple as that. 
"Well, I guess it's fine", she nodded lightly. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. This wasn't a dream, was it? 
I shook my head, but my waving hair felt just as real as the gift she'd given me. 
There was no weight to Shimamura's answer. She'd just said it. I wonder, was it for that reason that I wasn't shocked, that I still didn't feel like I'd actually achieved anything? 
In this case. 
If this was how it was, then... 
"I..." 
"Yes?" 
I should've asked her yesterday. A tempest of regret swept over me. 
I hadn't even considered that she might accept this easily. 
First, she'd let me sit between her legs, and now this; it was always at the weirdest of times that Shimamura showed no reluctance. 
Or perhaps, perhaps that was how she acted on regular? I couldn't tell. The whole thing felt fuzzy to me. There was nothing for me to grab onto. 
It was for that reason I had so much trouble, why I kept constantly failing. 
Why my hand would randomly get caught and I'd receive bliss without an equivalent. 

I ended up washing my body in way more detail than normal when taking a bath that evening, so much so that I couldn't help but wonder if I'd turned into someone else entirely. 
Instead of glistening, my skin was now dry as sand. 
"...I always feel like I'm failing." 
I sat on top of my futon with a mix of regret, self-loathing, and embarrassment burning up inside me. It was then that Shimamura walked into the room, bringing with her a futon of her own. ...Huh? 
"Huh?" 
I was so shocked I ended up saying it out loud. 
"What is it?" 
With a puzzled look on her face, Shimamura rolled the futon she'd brought open on the floor. The two lined up perfectly, kinda making it seem like we were on a trip or something. And yet. Even so. We weren't going to be sleeping on the same futon? Obviously, there was no way I could ever ask her that. 
"No, nothing", I shook my head instead. 
I'd aimed way too high. I felt so ashamed of myself sitting there, hugging my knees. 
As for Shimamura, she collapsed on her futon with her arms and legs spread out. I took a glance at her, and saw that her skin also appeared faintly reddish. It seemed that she'd already taken a bath. 
Had her sister once again joined her? Something resembling a sense of defeat passed through my mind as I wondered about that. 
Was it possible that we might one day get to a point where we were able to do that too, to bathe together? How much would it take for Shimamura to drop her guard that low? The path leading there was long and distant, steep and narrow. 
...It wasn't that I particularly wanted to see her naked. I didn't. 
I wasn't weird. 
And yet, I did want Shimamura to embrace me. While that desire was first and foremost psychological, I couldn't deny that there was also a physical component to it. However, it wasn't strictly necessary, and—No, never mind. I didn't know where I was going with this. 
"Still, umm, is it really okay?" 
I glanced at her without turning my head. Lying on the futon, Shimamura did the same. 
"What is?" 
"For your sister to... have to sleep by herself." 
The whole situation felt kinda awkward. It was like I'd taken the girl's big sister away from her. 
"Oh, yeah, it's fine. She actually has a friend staying over as well." 
Shimamura followed her comment with a laugh like she'd remembered something. Was she talking about that blue girl? 
Just who was she? Why did she hang around the house like it was completely normal? No one from Shimamura's family appeared all that amazed by her, and since they never asked me for an opinion, the stance I'd taken was to simply pretend like I couldn't see her. Still, that hair colour. There was something up with it. 
Shimamura's little sister might have been a pretty weird girl herself to be friends with someone like that. 
Just like her big sister. I glanced at my side and saw Shimamura lying down in an utterly defenceless state. 
I knew it didn't mean much coming from my mouth, but I did think there were aspects to her that were ever so slightly off. 
She saw certain things in a weird way. Was it due the fact that she shared her room with her little sister and spent a lot of time with her? Possibly. 
It would explain why she treated me the same way she did her, like a little sister. 
If that was something special, something truly, truly special, then I would've been fine with it. I would've accepted it with open arms. 
But it wasn't; she already had a sister. A real one. Trying to compete with her for that role wasn't what I was supposed to do. 
There'd have to eventually come a day when I'd step up and stop being babied by her. 
And yet, tonight wasn't it. Too much had happened. 
"Hey, Shimamura. Should we... go to bed?" I suggested from atop of my futon without checking what time it was. The apparent confusion that could be heard in Shimamura's voice made it clear that I maybe should have. 
"It's still just eight, though." 
"Oh, right. It is..." 
Prompted by her statement, I turned my eyes towards the clock and saw that she'd been correct; it was 7:50, to be precise. Strange, considering that in my mind, it was practically midnight already. 
Considering that I had to go to sleep soon. 
"I'm, umm, tired from work. So I'm yawning a lot. I guess I got sleepy because of that, and, err... Oh, we shouldn't stay up too late since we have school tomorrow. Or something..." 
I desperately searched for a plausible explanation. Even so, I probably ended up failing miserably. 
"So, you're telling me you're not full of energy?" Shimamura asked while staring at me astonished. Correct. I slouched back down on the futon. 
The tempest raging on in my heart was truly draining me. 
"Well, not that I've ever had trouble falling asleep." 
Lying down on the futon, Shimamura closed her eyes. Likewise, her expression softened as well. 
This might have been the first time I actually came across something she loved. 
Sleeping. Shimamura loved sleeping. 
While I was happy to know that, it wasn't really the sort of information that made for useful reference. 
"Alright. I guess we'll go to bed then." 
That statement, that passive resignation caught my ear. I turned my head, and saw Shimamura stretching her body. 
"It doesn't seem like we have anything else to do." 
With those words out of her mouth, she stood up and grabbed the lights' pull cord. 
"Can I turn them off? Do you need to go to the bathroom?" 
"N-No. I'm good." 
"Okay then. Good night." 
Having turned the lights off, Shimamura crawled into her futon. I also mumbled "good night" to her, though I doubt she could hear it. 
Our voices then immediately grew silent. For the next few moments, I remained astonished; were we really going to start sleeping now? 
I was painfully aware of everything going on above my neck. Only that section, though. It almost felt like I'd been decapitated. 
"..." 
Nervously, I rolled from side to side. 
There was a part of me that seriously wondered if I could use my horrible sleeping posture as an excuse to force my way. No, that probably wouldn't work. Definitely not. It was just too much considering what I already had here. 
Simply getting to lie down next to her, that should've been enough for me. 
It wasn't that every single gap could be filled all at once. Thinking about it realistically, I knew that to be the case. 
At the same time... No. Silently, I shook my head sideways. 
There was nothing wrong with viewing things through the lens that was reality. No, the problem came when you obsessed over it and used it as an excuse to neglect your hopes and dreams. 
What point was there to doing anything without those, without hopes, without dreams? 
"Action" wasn't the word for it. Neither was "volition". No, it was called "inertia". 
Raising my body slightly, I glanced at Shimamura. 
Her eyes were closed, and likewise, her breathing appeared stable. Was she already asleep, perhaps? 
What was going on? What was I doing? Silently, I got up off my futon. There, walking on all fours, I closed the distance between us and peered at her face. She was so quiet, so pretty, so statue-like. 
Before I knew it, my attention had shifted to her lips. My eyes grew hot, almost like there was a fire burning behind them. 
I wanted it so bad. I wanted so bad for her to suggest that we sleep together. 
Naturally, it went without saying, but I wasn't planning on doing anything. I was just looking. The dream I'd seen a long time ago clouded my mind, my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest, but even so, I couldn't do it. I couldn't act carelessly, even if there was nothing and no one here stopping me. 
Look, her eyes opened. Wait... They opened? 
With my face right next to hers, it was impossible for me to escape her gaze. Our eyes met. 
"What is it?" Shimamura asked, clearly puzzled. It seemed that me moving around had woken her up. 
I knew what I should do here: Calm down, then answer. I hadn't done anything yet. I hadn't planned to do anything at all. 
There was nothing to feel guilty about. 
"I was just wondering if... you were really asleep." 
"Well yeah, of course I was. That's why I got into my futon." 
What a weird thing to ask, she laughed. Yes, it was. Weird. Slowly, I began pulling away. 
And yet, my hands and knees remained glued on the floor. 
"Adachi?" 
My limbs wouldn't do what I told them. 
Earlier, I'd talked about how I could only sense my head. Was this perhaps an extension of that? 
It genuinely felt like I was unable to distance myself from her. 
Three, two, one. 
Move, I commanded my body. The outcome of this was the opposite of what I'd wanted, though; instead of pushing me in the direction I wanted it to, the courage I'd managed to muster ended up kicking me hard on the butt. 
What an irresponsible thing. 
Imagining myself extending my neck, I moved forward. 
There, head first, I landed on Shimamura's futon. My nose ended up being crushed, sending forth a wave of dull pain. 
"That's like how a bug lands", I heard her comment somewhere above my head. Boldly, I lifted my head, only to find myself surprisingly close to her. 
"Can we, umm, sleep together?" 
My tongue shaking, I decided to just ask her straight out. 
This time, it wasn't my body that acted. No, I was doing this out of my own will. Nothing was going to happen if I just waited. 
"I see", Shimamura stated shortly. There was no expression that could be gleaned off her face. Had she figured something out? I stared at her confused, only for her to lift up the edge of her blanket. Can I? I asked with my eyes. This prompted Shimamura to roll over and turn her body my way. She then beckoned for me. While I could hardly believe what I was seeing, the pain still radiating from my nose made it clear that this was, in fact, not a dream. 
If I had a dog's tail, no doubt would I be wagging it right now. Furiously. So fast that it might come off. 
With sharp, clunky movements, I dived inside her futon. 
The way I did it brought to mind a machine in desperate need for oiling. There was only one explanation for this: I really had washed myself for too long, and now my skin was completely dry. 
I ultimately ended up resting on my left side. Before I knew it, everything there had grown completely numb. 
There we were, under the same blanket, facing each other with practically no distance between us. It felt like it'd only take a single second of me losing my focus, and I might start screaming out loud. That's just how nervous I was. 
A grin formed on Shimamura's face. This came to me as quite the shock; not only had I not anticipated it, her face was also really close to mine. 
"Wh-What?" 
"Nothing. It's just, last night, my sister also crawled in my futon." 
"Oh, I... I see." 
Once again, I'd ended up acting the exact same way as her. Although you likely couldn't see it in the dark, my face was growing quite red with embarrassment. 
"Oh, and she also pestered me to do this." 
With those words out of her mouth, Shimamura moved to extend her hand. Swiftly, her arm slid into the space between the mattress and my head. 
Huh? 
It took me a second, but after some time spent feeling the warmth of her arm, I finally realised what was happening here. 
An arm pillow. That's what this was called. 
"So, what do you think? Does Big Sis's arm make for a good pillow?" she asked, clearly teasing me. I'd yet to fall asleep, but it already felt like I was in a dream. 
Was this what people referred to when they talked about ecstasy? How was I supposed to put this into words? 
"I..." 
"Hmm?" 
"I feel like I might cry." 
I decided to not beat around the bush, and instead just say how I genuinely felt. Shimamura stared at me confused, as if unsure if I was serious or not. I responded to her by quietly nodding my head. It wasn't a turmoil of emotion that filled me. Rather, it was the opposite. It was something calm, something soft. I did feel moved too, of course, but at the same time, my heart continued spreading wide. 
"I'm so calm. Super calm. My eyes, the depths of my stomach, they're all relaxed now." 
Like I said, I rode on top of a gentle wave made of pure emotion. It was no wonder why it felt like my eyes were about to be filled with tears. 
"Oh, is that so?" 
It is, I nodded to her. Appearing not at all put off by my pathetic state, Shimamura continued staring at me. At my hair, to be precise. 
"Your hair is still a little wet." 
"Yeah." 
I'd been in too much of a hurry to dry it properly. Those feelings of impatience, they seemed so distant thinking about them now. 
"Wet and warm. It feels good in its own way." 
Shimamura's hand patted my hair. That sensation alone was enough to cause a thick fluid to engulf my body. 
That fluid's name was... happiness. Something like that? 
"So, can I pull my arm away now?" 
"Not yet." 
Like a whiny baby, I gripped the sleeve of her pyjama. 
Shimamura gave my frantic hand a glance before sighing softly. 
"How long?" 
"Until I'm asleep", I answered, my eyes remaining wide open. To be completely honest, I wasn't actually feeling tired in the slightest. 
And yet, despite that, the world I was in was wrapped in something soft. Something fluffy. 
"What a hopeless child you are", Shimamura stated with a wry grin on her face. The tone of her voice made it sound like she really was talking to a child. Regardless, she kept her arm where it was. 
There we were, the two of us, breathing right next to each other in the middle of the night. My eyes had adapted to the dark, and what they picked up was only what mattered the most. 
"That reminds me. We're changing the seating order tomorrow, huh?" 
This topic Shimamura had casually brought up and likely didn't think much of came as news to me. 
"O-Oh, really?" 
It was my first time hearing about it. With a look of puzzlement on her face, Shimamura stared at me for a moment before putting one and one together. 
"Right. You were skipping class so you didn't hear." 
"That makes sense..." 
I had no choice but to concur. Then, an instant later, my attention shifted to the actual matter at hand: The seating order was going to change. 
Oh dear. 
It happening tomorrow meant that I didn't have any time left to pray. 
"Adachi?" 
I wanted to get closer to her, even if by a single step, by a single centimetre. 
And yet, there was no guarantee of that happening. What was I going to do if I got placed in the front row and Shimamura in the back row or vice versa? 
"I... I hope we'll get to sit this close to each other." 
I clung onto her in a desperate attempt to find something, something that would make me feel safe. Something that would let me feel like it was going to be okay. 
And yet, Shimamura simply laughed. 
"No, it'd be real bad if we were this close. Like, in a lot of ways." 
She was perfectly calm, like always. Come to think of it, I'd never seen her act flustered over anything. 
"We'd basically be sitting on the same chair at that point, wouldn't we?" 
Hearing those words softly flow out of her mouth caused me to sink in a little. 
Why? Because the frivolous attitude contained within them was something that I simply couldn't open myself to. 
"Well, if that happens, so be it", Shimamura stated as if in response. Had my anxiety really been that visible on my face? 
That was one way of thinking about it. If anything, I suppose it showcased her personality. What sort of person she was. 
And yet, were I myself to adopt that approach, it would almost certainly lead to me falling back to loneliness. 
As such. 
The anxiety I harboured, my reasons. I faced them straight and asked myself. 
It was actually quite simple once you thought about it for a while. 
No matter where I sat, no matter how far apart we might be. 
"Tomorrow, can we eat lunch together?" 
All we needed to do was make a promise. That's all. For some reason, it had taken me this long to realise that simple fact. 
"Sure, of course", Shimamura replied, bringing me relief. 
Her words, her attitude, her temperature. They all played a part. 
"So, all good? Alright. Relax, and start sleeping." 
It was in that last sentence that my emotions found their goal. 
Being able to relax by having her tell me to do so. Was there anything out there that could bring me more joy? 
Shimamura. 
She likely wasn't at all aware of my wishes, of the subtleties of my heart. 
And yet. 
"Adachi." 
Her eyes closed, she spoke my name softly. 
Shimamura. 
In the end, she would give me everything I'd ever hoped for. 
"Good night." 
Though I hadn't been feeling tired earlier, I now was. All that was happening had drawn those feelings out. There was no reason to fight back. 
I closed my eyes too, falling into a dream within a dream. 
"Good night..." 
Shimamura. 
Silently, I mumbled her name.