Adachi to Shimamura - Volume 5 - Chapter 0.2

Chapter 0.2 I’LL Come Meet You, Even If You Say Nothing

It was for the first time in my life that I found myself experiencing something akin to anxiety towards the approaching summer break. The long vacation meant that I was no longer bound by the same rules I was during school days, and though that did fill me with the same temporary sense of liberation I always felt when casting myself into it, this year, those feelings were far more discomposed than normal. There was something in the centre of them, something noisy. My arms and legs flailed around in a desperate attempt to try and find something, anything to support them. 
Today marked the final day of the school term, the closing ceremony. I was currently in the classroom, staring at Shimamura who was also there. A yawn escaped my mouth, and just as I moved to wipe away the lone tear flowing down my cheek, our eyes happened to meet. I immediately turned my head away. I didn't have anything to be ashamed of, and yet, I always found myself staring at my feet like I did. What was up with that? Was I perhaps embarrassed to have her notice I'd been staring at her? If so, it was already far too late. Would it be better if I just kept staring at her then? No, but... Hesitating, I moved my head up and down, back and forth. I was so embarrassed. So insanely embarrassed for some reason. 
A conflict of emotions raged wildly inside my head, while at the same time, lines of cold sweat ran down both my palms and neck. 
It might well have been that I acted the most restless when in the classroom. 
That, or to put it more simply, I was merely flustered. 
I put my bag in order while the teacher said her parting words, and then once that was over, immediately headed over to Shimamura's desk. She also turned towards me right away, almost as if she'd been anticipating this. Awkwardly, I lifted my hand and began to greet her. However, before I could... 
"You always turn your head away when our eyes meet, huh, Adachi?" 
...Shimamura managed to sneak in a comment of her own. Having had their moment stolen, my lips were left to simply flop open and close. It was like I was speaking, but instead of words, what came out of my mouth was empty air. She took this opportunity to add: 
"It makes me think of an animal running back to their nest." 
I could see her giggle a little as she stated that. Was I supposed to feel embarrassed here? Was I not? The true nature of the emotions raging about in my head escaped my grasp. Part of me figured it couldn't have been that bad of a thing if she was laughing, but at the same time, I also knew that getting laughed at meant you'd done something very much worthy of reconsidering. What should I do? What should I do? While I was busy agonizing over that, Shimamura went and lifted her bag. Deciding to omit the suggestion of us going home together, I lined up next to her. 
"Ooh." 
A bizarre sound left her mouth as she stared up at me. 
"Huh? What is it?" 
"Nothing. I'm just surprised you're wearing the hairpin again." 
It wasn't really what I'd expected her to say, and before I knew it, I realised I'd brought my hand up to my hair. Softly, my fingers stroked the flower-shaped ornament I'd received from her. 
"You like it?" she asked, to which I replied by nodding my head up and down multiple times. This prompted Shimamura to smile once more. 
We then began walking. My heart pounded intensely, not because we were running fast or anything like that, but rather, because I couldn't stop thinking about the ornament in question as well as its identical copy, the one that garnished Shimamura's hair. The stairs grew closer and closer with each step, and it was there that my senses activated, warning me of an impending danger; us drifting apart without a word seemed like a real possibility. Chills ran through my body, followed by lines of cold sweat. 
"Ah, umm... Summer break, huh?" 
"Yep, it sure is." 
A step. Then another. What else could we talk about? The cicadas sure were loud, huh? No, that definitely wasn't going to lead anywhere. 
"Might you have any plans for summer, Shimamura?" 
I decided to ask that in a slightly unusual way compared to how I would normally do it. In response, her back arched a little. 
"No, no plans in particular." 
She went out of her way to match my question in tone. My initial reaction was to feel embarrassed, although thinking about it a bit more, I realised what this meant and lifted my head. 
"In that case, is it okay if I text you and stuff?" 
"Sure thing. I mean, you always do that." 
"Right. Still, I might end up doing it a lot, so, umm..." 
"It's fine, it's fine." 
Compared to me, currently in the process of being filled with emotion, Shimamura showed no signs of anything of the sort. 
At this point, I might as well go ahead and say everything I wanted to say, right? Though definitely greedy, that was the conclusion I reached. 
"Also, if you're free, do you mind if I come over every now and then?" 
"Be my guest", Shimamura replied before giving my chest a light tap. While reassuring, it also caused me to stagger... lightly. Stagger lightly. 
Light certainly was a word I'd use to describe my current state. Hollow, even. 
Oh, but don't get me wrong; it wasn't the case that being touched by Shimamura was making me tremble. 
Of course not. 
Rather, what it did was fill me with anxiety. 
Even though school offered us a perfect point of connection, it would sadly be going away with the beginning of summer break. No doubt would I be left feeling empty inside were the outcome of that to be us not doing anything together. 
Cicadas put their whole being into their song. Why? Because they, too, wanted to leave behind a lasting mark, a mark which showed they'd been alive. 
In more ways than one, that was something I needed to learn how to imitate for myself. 
We walked down the stairs. There, gripping my shoes, I spoke out her name. 
"Shimamura." 
"Hmm?" 
She turned to look at me over her shoulder. A bead of cold sweat ran down my neck, disappearing inside my rustled collar. 
The dimness of the shoe rack mixed together with the light shining in through the doorway, and it was there that I could see it, see the entrance leading to summer. 
I felt a certain pull towards it, a pull which cleared my mind of the feeling that I was about to pass out, letting me instead focus on forcing my mouth open and state the following: 
"I was thinking, it would be nice if we could use the summer break to grow even closer. Yeah." 
The second half of that sentence came out way faster than the first, and by the end of it, my tongue was barely even keeping up. Likewise, my forehead was left feeling like it might soon catch fire. 
What had that "yeah" been about? Why was I agreeing to my own statement? 
"Closer, huh?" 
Shimamura chose to react in a reserved manner, almost as if she didn't fully get what I was talking about. At least, that was how it appeared to me. 
I wanted to explain it all in full detail. To tell her what I really meant. At the same time, I had to wonder, what sort of face would she make if I were to do that here? 
Like for example, what if I suggested we go to the pool or something? 
Walk around town. Go get tea at the cafe. Anything. 
Would she find it uncomfortable? Would she look at me funny and distance herself from me? It was far too sweet of a thought for me to even imagine that she might accept. 
My chest heaved as I stood there in front of her. The uncertainty acted as a driving force for my heart, but at the same time, caused me to shake to my very core. Though a very negative way of looking at it, I couldn't deny that there was a part of me afraid that she might brush off the hand I'd extended to her. 
And yet. 
What Shimamura gave me was a warm smile. 

Summer break was great. Name one good thing? Easy: The mornings. The fact that you didn't have to force yourself to get out of bed. 
"And yet, here I am" I grumbled with the upper half of my body lying across the side of the dinner table. The clock on the wall showed that it was currently seven in the morning. 
I'd spent a long time last night talking with Adachi on the phone, and as a result, my eyelids were once again feeling heavy. 
"I can't be bothered to wash dishes, so this will have to do. If you're feeling tired, then go to bed once you're done eating", stated the person responsible for me being awake—in other words, Mom—before handing me the bowl of breakfast cereal she'd hastily prepared. She then added milk, which in turn proved to be the final push I needed; giving in to the appeals of my dry throat, I pulled my body up from the table. 
"You're so pathetic in the morning, Sis. Really." 
This piece of judgment came from my little sister, sounding really proud as she said it for some reason. That was the sort of person she was, energetic the second she got up from bed. The kind who'd get up at six in the morning and go do radio gymnastics. I wonder, did they still do those at the parking lot nearby? 
Also, was it just my imagination, or did she sound less respectful than she had in the past when talking to me? If so, then I wonder when that trend had begun. 
"This coco nut flavour is irresistible." 
Yummy, yummy, the girl next to me smacked her lips. As she did, glimmering particles floated off her hair. 
It was Yashiro. Apparently, my sister had come across her during radio gymnastics session. Oh, and I didn't mean it like she'd picked her up and brought her back home or anything like that. 
The completely nonchalant way in which she was munching cereal made it clear what her true intentions had been. 
"Hmm..." 
She sure seemed happy. That was the impression I got while staring at her soft cheeks. 
For whatever reason, I found myself unable to look away. 
It was difficult to put into words how I felt about Yashiro. We were effectively strangers, sure, but it just didn't feel right saying it like that. One of the reasons why was found in her behaviour: she acted much the same I had back in the day, and whenever I looked at her, I was reminded of the me that had once been. The way she ran with her hands held out in front of her was a good example; that was exactly something I'd done. 
Even if it wasn't really the case, in a weird way, I almost got the feeling that I was watching over her. 
Mom not saying anything, my sister taking a liking to her, me seeing myself in her, they all likely played a part in making it so. 
It wasn't always that I thought about things to such an extent, and as I sat there doing just that, something appeared in the back of my mind. Something dark, something clouded. 
Through this and that, I ended up going through my morning routine; I ate breakfast, and once I was done with that, brushed my teeth and washed my face. I also watched as the two tiny girls cheerfully ran off outside, completely forgetting about homework. Now, what next? Back to bed? That seemed like a good idea, and mere moments later, I was once again lying on my futon, having not yet cleared it away. Though my sister had already switched to a mere towel blanket, myself, I always kept to the comforter, even during summer. Doesn't it get hot, you might ask, to which I'd say yes, yes it does. And yet, the thickness of it just felt so much more comfortable over me. There was something motherly about it, even. 
I crawled under the covers and lay on my side, only for my phone to ring the second I'd gotten comfortable. My head instantly began to hurt; it really did feel like I was being constantly interrupted when all I wanted to do was relax. Still, despite my groaning, it did feel wrong to just ignore the person calling me, and so, I sluggishly crawled out and grabbed my phone off the desk. The fact that I ended up hitting my arm against the table's corner certainly didn't make things better. 
"Oh, not who I expected." 
I figured it would've been Adachi, but no; the name displayed on the screen belonged to Tarumi. When was it that we'd last met? Two weeks ago? 
That's how it was between us currently. Tarumi would call me every now and then, and we'd end up meeting somewhere. 
Each time, I'd notice something new, but also something that hadn't changed. 
Getting that sort of stimulus in my life, it wasn't bad at all. 
I picked up the call. Immediately, I heard Tarumi's voice on the other end. 
"Hi Shima." 
"Hi." 
The greeting she'd chosen flowed smoothly into my name, almost making it sound like she was addressing someone else entirely. 
"Summer break, huh?" 
"Yep. Well, I suppose it's the same everywhere." 
Being a student like I was, it only made sense that Tarumi would be currently enjoying her vacation. Well, unless she was part of any school clubs. Was she? I couldn't remember having ever asked her about that. 
Wait, no. Had I? I wouldn't be surprised; it did seem like a topic that would get brought up during the moments of awkwardness where neither of us knew what to say. Those were still quite common between us. Anyway, if that was the case, it made sense why it wouldn't have left a mark in my mind. 
Why did I feel it to be necessary to justify my own forgetfulness in this way? Made me resemble Nagafuji. 
"How is it going?" 
"Hmm, pretty okay." 
Though in truth, I was just about to go to bed for the second time, I found that difficult to tell her for obvious reasons. Instead, the reply I chose to go with was a dry laugh. 
"Umm... How about final exams? How did those go?" 
"Ahahaha." 
Oh you, Taru. 
Cicadas began singing somewhere close by, prompting me to lift my head. There, I glanced towards my window, and saw that the sky behind it appeared dazzling, radiant. It was almost like someone had taken a bucket filled with light and turned it upside down. 
Wherever I looked, all I could see around me were early birds. It might even be that I was the sole exception. And yet, when I went ahead and thought about what I might do were I able to muster up energy the same way they did, nothing came to mind. Only clouds. Clouds and haze. 
"Hey, Shima. If you'd like... And I mean it, only if you'd like." 
"Huh? What?" 
The amount of preface she was giving the upcoming question caused me to grow a bit stiff. It really did feel like something big was about to be imposed on me. 
Something good, or something filled with malice? Whatever the case, it did seem like it'd be heavy. 
I could sense Tarumi swallowing the saliva in her mouth. After that, she spoke the following words: 
"Would you like to go see the fireworks display next week?" 
It was there, with that proposition, that summer began that year. 
A summer which prompted me to look up at the azure and wonder, what was there beyond it? 

Today's Adachi 

Scribble, scribble, scribble. Let's erase that. 
Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble. 
Scribble, scribble. Erase. Scribble, scribble, scribble. 
Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble. 
And done. Well, more like I can't write any more.