Ascendance of a Bookworm (LN) - Volume 5.9 - Chapter 9

Following My Heart

Hannelore’s desire to “realize my love” wasn’t exactly welcome. First of all, I wasn’t in love to begin with. Second, my actual desire was to end the royal decree keeping Ferdinand in Ahrensbach so that he could return to Ehrenfest at once.

Third, I don’t appreciate Tuuli hearing all these absurd declarations about my love life!

“Um, Lady Hannelore... You seem as reluctant to believe me as everyone else, but I assure you—I am not in love with Ferdinand.”

Hannelore blinked, then stared at me quizzically. “But I was told during the feast that you declared you would save him no matter what, even if you had to make enemies of the royal family and the gods...”

GAHHH! Tuuli keeps twitching! There’s fire in her eyes! This might all be true, but she’s getting the wrong idea!

Tuuli was practically trembling. She had a hand clapped over her mouth, most likely because she was holding back her urge to scream. This was bad. Unless I cleared up this misunderstanding now, who knew what she would tell the rest of my family?

Corinna continued to work on my clothes, acting like she wasn’t listening at all, but her eyes were sparkling with curiosity. Everything she heard would surely be relayed to Benno and the others.

“Yes, fine. I did say that,” I conceded. “Ferdinand is like family to me. He’s someone I care about from the bottom of my heart. But love between family members is far from being romantic.”

I was aware that my feelings for Ferdinand were more special than my feelings for most others. He was as important to me as Lutz, my temple attendants, the Gutenbergs, and my lower-city family... But I didn’t think my love for him was romantic.

I can say with certainty that I haven’t seen any of the gods dancing in our presence.

“Lady Hannelore, if a member of your family or someone close to you were poisoned in another duchy and close to death, would you not also be ready to make the world your enemy?”

“Um... If my family were in a situation like that, I doubt my assistance would do anything for them...” Hannelore muttered, a distant look in her eyes. “They would escape on their own while I blundered about. Or perhaps I would get stuck trying to control those I’d roused in the name of getting revenge...”

This is unfortunate... Her conviction that she’s useless in battle is so deeply rooted in her duchy’s culture and way of thinking that I’m struggling to understand it.

“I cannot speak for you, but I would do whatever it took to protect those I care about,” I said. “That has always been the case for me; I will rush to their rescue whenever they are in danger. There is no romantic love involved.”

Tuuli gave me a look as though she understood. Was she accepting that I wasn’t in love or agreeing that I really would go on a rampage for the sake of my family?

“In that case, what is Lord Ferdinand to you?” Hannelore asked. “Could you really not imagine being married to him?”

I tried to picture having Ferdinand as a husband. I’d already done it with two other men I didn’t love—Wilfried and Prince Sigiswald—so it seemed reasonably harmless.

Hmm... Wait... Now that I think about it, isn’t Ferdinand a major catch...?

“Well... There might not be any love between us, but if we were to speak purely in terms of a political marriage, I might say that Ferdinand is my ideal partner. He owns many books, he gave me a library of my own, we are close enough that I can feel at ease with him, and since he served as my doctor for such a long time, he understands my health needs all too well. He is competent, reliable, and always there for me when I am uneasy or alone. Simply speaking with him calms me down.”

“Um, Lady Rozemyne... Is that not exactly how one would describe being in love?” Hannelore asked, looking sincerely puzzled. My retainers were all wearing the same expression, which made me think... From a noble’s perspective, maybe familial and romantic love were the same.

“I may feel at ease with Ferdinand, or sometimes fearful of being scolded... but there’s never a hint of romance in the air between us. Nor are there ever incidents that make my heart beat faster. So no, I would not say we are in love.”

“I... I see...” Hannelore said, looking at me like I was the confused one. She really was viewing my situation through rose-colored glasses.

“In a general sense, my ideal partner would be someone like my father, who helps me follow my dreams without restraint and protects me from everyone, no matter their status. Someone who cares for me regardless of status too. Ferdinand does not meet these expectations; the most important thing to him is his promise to his own father, wherein he strives to protect Ehrenfest above all else. So unbreaking is his devotion to that goal that he did not even challenge the royal decree ordering his move to Ahrensbach. As you can see, my standards are quite high.”

Tuuli must have been exasperated that I was using Dad as a benchmark; her expression quickly became one of narrow-eyed disappointment. If she’d been at liberty to speak, she probably would have said, “You really are still a kid.” I didn’t know what else she’d expected, though; I was being totally honest.

“Putting ideal men and all that aside,” I said, “I care about Ferdinand deeply. I, too, treasure promises made with family. That is why I wish to return him to Ehrenfest as soon as I can.”

“But how does Lord Ferdinand feel...?” Hannelore asked, her tone indicating that she wasn’t going to drop this. “He got you to ride his highbeast in Ahrensbach and seemed to treasure you so very dearly.”

As far as Hannelore was concerned, I was in love with Ferdinand, and he loved me back. Were her rose-colored glasses even stronger than I’d thought?

Ferdinand, loving me? No way. Not a chance. Nooope.

“Listen,” I said, “Ferdinand is the one man you can trust not to have any romantic feelings whatsoever. I may have ridden his highbeast in Ahrensbach, but that was so he could support me in my new position as aub and oversee the battlefield. He was acting logically—that was all.”

To be precise, he had needed to hide the facts that he also had a Book of Mestionora and that he hadn’t been able to enhance his vision because of the poison. He may have been acting as a guardian, but his actions hadn’t felt the slightest bit romantic.

He even used me as a desk when drawing that magic circle!

“And if not even that convinces you, Ferdinand once refused the idea on the grounds that he did not want to marry a serial troublemaker.”

“Excuse me?!” Hannelore exclaimed.

My retainers looked equally as shocked, and Tuuli was staring at me with wide eyes. I wasn’t sure I understood their response; sure, marrying Ferdinand would benefit me in all sorts of ways, but he would gain nothing from me but more problems.

“Before my engagement to Wilfried was settled, there was a private discussion with the aub,” I said. “Ferdinand has had nothing but bad experiences with marriage over the years; I would never force an engagement between the two of us when he has already refused it. I would rather he marry someone of his choosing.”

In other words, we didn’t need Dunkelfelger to endorse any more marriages.

Hannelore slumped her shoulders, having caught my meaning. “I... I see. My apologies. I made shallow observations without truly understanding the circumstances. I was not aware that the aub already looked into an engagement.”

At long last, I’d made it clear there was no love between Ferdinand and me. It didn’t feel good to crush Hannelore’s dreams, but misunderstandings like this were best resolved quickly. Now I just needed to change the topic before she recovered and started asking which man I’d actually fallen in love with.

I couldn’t bear to admit I made him up to get through the conversation!

“On another note, Lady Hannelore... Might I request your aid in a matter unrelated to love?”

“And what would that be?” Hannelore asked, looking surprised.

“I thought my only future was to follow Aub Ehrenfest’s orders—to marry into royalty as an archduke candidate. But you seem convinced that I can become an aub or even the Zent.”

“Of course. As you have won Ahrensbach’s foundation through true ditter, its fate is entirely in your hands. There is nothing anyone can do to oppose you unless they steal it in turn. The king’s only role in the matter is to give his approval; he cannot take the foundation from you.”

For the king to prevent me from becoming an aub, he would need to choose a replacement to lead the Sovereign Knight’s Order and steal the foundation back. A true Zent might have reclaimed the foundation by moving it, but because the king did not have a Grutrissheit, Hannelore did not see that ever happening.

“If one thing outrages me most, it is the royal family’s decision to take your Grutrissheit through marriage,” Hannelore said. “They act as though they need it more than Yurgenschmidt does. I would much rather you become the Zent and choose a suitable consort. At the very least, a prince whose courtship feystone turns to gold dust so easily would not be an appropriate pillar of support.”

Just as female aubs needed to take archduke candidate husbands to cover for them during their pregnancies, a female Zent would need a Zent candidate. A partner whose mana was so inferior that his courtship magic tool turned to dust was out of the question.

“To be clear,” Hannelore continued, “such a person would never be able to give you children. I sincerely doubt that is the future you desire.”

“I suppose...” I said.

It was so hard to imagine that it barely felt real, but even I wanted children of my own one day. Life had blessed me with three loving mothers: my mom back on Earth, my mom in the lower city, and my mother in the Noble’s Quarter. I wanted to take the care with which they had raised me and raise some kids of my own.

“If marrying into the royal family is not the outcome you desire, then what is?” Leonore asked, having been listening intently with the rest of my retainers. “You originally chose that path to save Lord Ferdinand, and accepted the courtship feystone because you believed that becoming Aub Ahrensbach was unrealistic. We have acted in accordance with that will, but if you desire something else, we will change our course. Retainers cannot take matters into their own hands when their lord or lady is uncertain, so tell us what you seek, Lady Rozemyne.”

Lieseleta similarly asked whether I really wanted to move to the Sovereignty. The awkward, minor disputes I’d noticed among my retainers since our battle with Lanzenave might have been because marrying into royalty wasn’t my true wish.

“I will support you whether you choose to be an aub or the Zent,” Hannelore said. Then, for emphasis: “Even if there’s no romance involved.”

I smiled. “In that case, what I want more than anything else is to become a librarian! That’s why I’ve been taking the scholar course!”

“Wha...?”

Everyone froze in disbelief, which I took as the perfect opportunity to extol the virtues of my dream. I wasn’t sure it would ever come true, but I still said whatever came to mind. That was what everyone wanted me to do, after all.

“I want to be a librarian, searching for whatever books my visitors request, repairing old documents, finding forgotten ones, researching magic tools, and connecting the country’s libraries so that we can gather books from even more places. In those regards, I would say that Professor Solange is my idol. Do not forget that she lives in the Royal Academy’s library. I certainly have not.”

“Professor Solange...?” Leonore muttered, resting a hand on her forehead as she fought to parse my answer. Her reaction made sense; becoming a librarian hadn’t been among the options given to me.

“To tell you the truth, I want to eat delicious food with my friends and family. I want to hole up in a library and spend my entire day reading. Then, after finishing all of my favorite books, I’d wander around other libraries in search of new ones. I want to do the bare minimum that my social status requires of me and devote the rest of my time to being a librarian, cultivating a collection that everyone can enjoy. I would raise literacy rates across the board, encourage more people to write books of their own, and make reading into a hobby for nobles and commoners both.”

Tuuli squinted at me as if she wanted to shout, “Come on! Have you really not changed in the slightest?!” Once again, I was only telling the truth.

There wasn’t all that much I could do when the entire country was hanging in the balance and disobeying orders could result in my immediate execution. On top of that, I was needing to manage so many annoying little tasks that collectively made my life even harder. But even then, a single desire dominated my thoughts.

“If possible, I wish to build many libraries and oversee them as a librarian,” I concluded.

The nobles must not have expected such an unusual answer to their question. They seemed taken aback that my desire to establish a library city was genuine, but they were the ones who had asked me about my dream.

“In that case... I suppose you will need to become an aub?” Leonore said, desperately trying to make sense of my absurd declaration.

I placed a hand on my cheek. “It does not matter to me whether I am an aub or the Zent. The one, minor difference it will make is whether I create a library city or a library country.”

“That is not ‘minor’ at all...”

“To spread the joy of reading to commoners, it would make more sense for me to be an aub...” I mused. “But being the Zent would put me in a better position to create my interduchy library (network). I could place teleporters like the ones in the country gates in each library to make it easier to travel between them.”

Teleporters seemed to be the simplest way of establishing a library network, but only the Zent could place interduchy teleporters. It was better to have too much than not enough, as the old adage went, so maybe a library country really was best.

“You know, I’m starting to think that marrying Prince Sigiswald isn’t such a bad idea after all. Being able to do whatever I want as a member of royalty sounds very convenient. He said something about me being a third wife for political reasons, and as I understand it, third wives have the least to do when it comes to official duties and socializing. That marriage should prove to be the best approach for advancing my library scheme.”

I’d managed to find positives in all three of my conceivable futures, and my mood started to brighten. I was the one with the Book of Mestionora; making my library network was going to be in the cards no matter which man I chose to marry. I started to rant about Operation: Countrywide Book Collection, as I’d done with Ferdinand.

“This reminds me—when I told Ferdinand about my dream, he said that I could transform Ahrensbach, since the royals were going to tear it apart for treason anyway. He also advised me against becoming the Zent, which made sense at the time... but shouldn’t I secure as much power as I can to expand my library?” I turned to Leonore, who was the most aristocratic of everyone in my retinue. “And retainers would rather serve the Zent than an aub, would they not?”

Leonore looked around at everyone, then smiled. “It would seem that Lord Ferdinand was correct in his assertion.”

“I’m not sure I understand. How can an aub be better than a Zent?”

Leonore made eye contact with Hannelore, who nodded and gently took my hands. “Lady Rozemyne, I am now certain that marrying Lord Ferdinand is the best course of action for you.”

“You... Come again? I thought I just made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry me.”

Hannelore agreed with me a moment ago, didn’t she? How come she’s pairing me with Ferdinand again? She doesn’t even seem to be wearing her rose-colored glasses this time... Her expression couldn’t be more severe.

“Perhaps his feelings have changed since your initial engagement to Lord Wilfried,” Hannelore noted. “Furthermore, the potential for romantic love aside, is he not still near and dear to your heart? You can personally ensure that he finds happiness, Lady Rozemyne.”

“It appears to me that even if there are no romantic feelings involved, Lord Ferdinand treasures you in return. You have a high chance of victory.”

Leonore? Did you really need to chime in? And what did you mean by that last remark?

She continued, “You might not be in love with Lord Ferdinand, and you might not consider him your ideal man, but he’s the best political partner you could ask for, is he not?” There was an intensely serious look in her eyes.

I nodded. Leonore was repeating one of my earlier remarks, and it seemed much too shameless to change my stance for the sake of an argument.

Hannelore smiled. “In that case, let us work out how we can motivate him to agree to a political marriage. If you really do consider him part of your family, then it should not be too much of a stretch for you to see him as your husband. Okay?”

Was that another cutesy okay?! Well, I won’t let it distract me! Husbands and family members are not the same!