Bungo Stray Dogs - Volume 6 - Chapter 4

#4 

Time passes by. 

Time passes by. 

Time simply passes by. 

Kenji Miyazawa from the agency said night will fall and morning will break. 

Spring will come. Autumn will come. Everything is done in halves: blessings and misfortune, truth and lies, good and evil. He said the sum of these parts was the true essence of nature. 

He was right. There was nothing in this world that didn’t follow that rule. 

Not even in a potential world that existed within a book. 

“Ha-ha-ha! I’m impressed, Akutagawa! This hammock you made with your skill is amazing!” Back at the detective agency’s office, Ranpo was laughing with glee. 

“Ranpo… That still doesn’t mean you should be taking a nap in the middle of the office…” 

“I don’t mind,” said Akutagawa. “I learned the secret to using my skill for leisure after taking care of those orphans. I can put Ranpo to sleep within two minutes with just the right amount of rocking. Observe.” 

“Akutagawa… You’ve been learning a lot of noncombat-related tricks ever since you came to the agency.” 

“Of course. Behold. Ranpo has already fallen asleep. From now on, allow me to handle any job that involves soothing children.” 

“Sure, but…Ranpo isn’t a child…” 

The stray dog was no more. 

Akutagawa had begun helping Kenji work the fields between missions. Every time they ran into each other, they would talk for hours using technical terms that no outsider understood: 

“The golden ratio for the pesticides should be…” 

“Neonicotinoid pesticides affect biota by…” 

“Precisely. Therefore, a pyrethroid should…” 

“But that would probably…” 

This was how Akutagawa lived his life now. 

Kunikida had given up asking him to do paperwork and appointed him “Former Disciplinarian and Current Ambassador of Paper Shredding.” Whenever a document needed to be shredded, he gave it to Akutagawa, who would shout with a bit more cheer than usual, “I will tear you to pieces!” before reducing the paper into fine scraps. 

This was how Akutagawa lived his life now. 

Time passes by. 

People can only keep on living as long as they’re not dead. 

The Port Mafia’s White Reaper woke up in a bed in an infirmary. 

“Oh, you’re awake.” 

He looked around blearily and had no idea what was going on. He didn’t know where he was, how long he had been there, and why he was asleep. All he knew was that he was being fed through an IV drip with a needle in his arm and that there was an unfamiliar woman standing next to him. 

“Honestly… You have to really go all out if you plan on killing yourself,” insisted the woman. She was beautiful and had on a white lab coat. She seemed to be around twenty years old with gorgeous blond hair and blue eyes, perhaps of European descent. 

“What’s…going on…?” asked Atsushi. 

“I’ll tell you what’s going on. The director found you passed out and on the verge of starvation because you refused to eat,” this blond nurse chided with a stern look in her eyes. “Y’know, you need guts if you plan on starving to death. It’s not something you can half-ass, so don’t even try.” 

“Starve to death…?” 

Eating was the last thing on Atsushi’s mind. He didn’t know what to do after Dazai’s death, so he had left Yokohama and began aimlessly wandering the countryside. Even he didn’t know why. He just couldn’t not do it. 

“You don’t want to die. You just don’t want to live. And those are two completely different things. I mean—” 

“That’s enough, Elise,” quietly demanded a man hidden behind a curtain on the other side of the room. 

“But Rintarou…!” The beautiful woman pouted. 

“He’s already painfully aware of that,” the man said as if to scold her. He was seated in a chair and seemed to be tall, but all Atsushi could see was his silhouette behind the curtain. “Do you know where you are, young man?” 

Atsushi surveyed the room. That was when he suddenly realized that this was not a hospital. He knew the ceiling and weathered walls all too well. He was in the orphanage’s infirmary. 

His heart skipped a beat. What was going on? 

“I’m the new director here,” the man claimed as if he could read Atsushi’s mind. “It was Dazai’s last wish. He asked me to manage this orphanage after I had faked my death and began living in seclusion. He also asked me to take you in and watch over you as a resident here once more. I couldn’t refuse… After all, I owed him for saving my life four years ago.” 

Dazai’s last wish? New director? Does that mean…this orphanage is still in operation? 

Atsushi took another look around, only to realize that it was far different from the infirmary he knew. The bars on the window and chains on the wall to restrain the patients were all gone. Instead, there were medical appliances and bookshelves. On the walls were poorly drawn landscapes, obviously done by a child. Sunshine peeked in through the skylight, creating a rectangle of warmth on the floor. Atsushi suddenly heard what sounded to be laughing children playing outside. He couldn’t possibly imagine hearing those kinds of sounds…if this were the old orphanage, that is. 

“You will return to this orphanage as a student. Well, until you become independent, at the very least. Dazai must have been worried about what would happen to you after his death. However, there was one miscalculation in his plan,” the man clearly stated. “Our pedagogical views are completely different. That’s why I intend on doing things my way.” 

The blond woman then took a watch out of her pocket and placed it in Atsushi’s lap. 

“This is…” 

There was no mistaking it. This was the last thing the director ever gave him. It was the watch he was given on his birthday. 

“Break that watch,” demanded the man in a chilling voice. Atsushi’s eyes darted back and forth between him and the watch as his racing heart violently hammered against his chest. 

“I can’t,” Atsushi objected, his face pale. There was no way he could. After all, this watch was that man’s last— 

“Do it. I will not allow you to leave this orphanage until you break that watch,” the man who claimed to be the new director demanded icily. “There was no need for you to ever become a student he could be proud of. It was the former director who was wrong. Only after destroying that watch can you believe in yourself and move forward.” 

“No,” Atsushi reflexively replied. “I don’t want to move forward. All I want to do is go back in time…to that day in the director’s office. I want to redo that moment when the director…” 

He was unable to say anything after that. The man sighed, then stood up and pulled back the curtain, revealing himself. Atsushi was taken aback. After all, not a single soul in the Mafia wouldn’t recognize this person. 

“You’re…” 

It was the Mafia’s former boss, Ougai Mori, a distinguished individual who supposedly died four years ago—and the man who raised Dazai. 

“I want you to pay close attention to what I’m about to say,” Mori began quietly. “Using violence to make others yield, ruling by fear—I know better than anyone just how efficient and versatile these approaches are. Therefore, I can say this with absolute certainty: Such methods must never be used to educate. These are the most barbarous of acts an adult can do to a child. I’m sure you know this better than anyone, since you experienced violence like this firsthand. However, the watch’s curse has blinded you.” 

His eyes were the epitome of seriousness. They were the eyes of a rational adult who was worried for Atsushi. 

“…” 

Various emotions whirled inside Atsushi’s mind like a storm. What was right and what was wrong? Who could he trust and who should he doubt? He didn’t have to consider these things when he was in the Mafia. All he needed to do there was to follow orders. 

“Please tell me just one thing,” quavered Atsushi. “Why are you doing this? What’s pushing you this far to change me?” 

“It’s obvious,” Mori replied with a hint of ambiguity in his voice. “A young man with a death wish once came to me. I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t…and never again do I want to experience that.” 

There was a switch—a feeling that not even Atsushi could explain—that flipped in his head. 

“I’m not going to break it,” Atsushi insisted while gently wrapping his hands around the watch. “This watch is proof that I’m me. He told me that. But…” 

“Cough up your blood, Tiger. Spit it out and move forward.” 

He thought back to what Akutagawa said to him on the rooftop. 

Akutagawa didn’t kill me, then. 

And now, Atsushi thought he knew why. Akutagawa was offering him a challenge. And in that case, Atsushi couldn’t afford to lose. 

“I’m…going to live. And one day…” 

Atsushi tried to continue, but he choked on his words. He then gently placed his free hand over the hand holding the watch. 

“That should do for now.” There was a quiet, thoughtful tone to Mori’s voice. “You can leave the orphanage once you find something else to prove that you are you. Until then, you can live here as my student—no, as my son.” 

Atsushi lowered his gaze. An emotion he had never felt before had his heart in a vise. 

He didn’t seem able to give a name to that emotion. 

A dry wind blew through Yokohama. Akutagawa’s overcoat gently fluttered in the morning breeze. 

“There you are, Akutagawa. Aren’t you cold?” asked Oda after climbing up onto the agency’s dormitory rooftop. “A new job came our way this morning. Our client wants us to rein in a group of armed bank robbers.” 

Standing at the edge of the rooftop, Akutagawa replied without turning around. “How many are we up against?” 

“A hundred and eighty men.” 

“ ‘A hundred and eighty’?” Akutagawa naturally turned around then. “That’s not an armed robbery. That’s an armed occupation. What are they planning on doing? Creating a sovereign state around the bank?” 

“I was thinking the same thing,” replied Oda with his usual unbothered expression. “It’s a government financial institution with a mint. The perps are after the banknotes’ original plates and printer, and we were personally requested to stop them.” 

“I see.” 

There wasn’t a single soul in the neighborhood who didn’t know these two by now. Master and pupil—the agency’s elite detectives Oda and Akutagawa boasted extraordinary power, accuracy, and speed. They were the perfect combat unit, in part thanks to Oda keeping Akutagawa in check whenever he let himself get out of control and put himself in danger. Both the city and military police had a lot of faith in their abilities. 

They would most likely be able to finish this case before lunch. 

“Let’s go.” 

As Oda began climbing off the roof, he noticed that Akutagawa was still gazing at the city. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Akutagawa’s eyes were focused on the never-ending wave of buildings that continued into the horizon. A city built by people—people who would live their truths, multiply, and eventually die. 

Akutagawa looked over the cityscape, narrowed his eyes, and said: 

“Even if this world is but a fleeting shadow…” 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” Akutagawa shook his head and averted his gaze from the cityscape. “It’s nothing.” 

Even if this world is but a fleeting shadow, the lives here are real. 

Gin, the detective agency, me, the peculiar feelings of heartache and bewilderment I feel whenever I think about this world—everything here exists for certain. They are not shadows. 

Gin was spared from execution. There was never even any plan to execute her in the first place. However, she disappeared right after the dust settled because she cannot return to my side. I have to find her. 

But I’m in no rush. After all, she would simply reject me once more if I went desperately searching for her in a frenzy again. Gin believes she cannot be by my side, but I will prove her wrong next time—I’m sure of it. 

That is why I am a detective. I solve cases, produce results, and save the weak. I will prove that I am not evil. I don’t know if I can do it. In all honesty, I’m not confident I can prove anything. But nobody knows what the future holds. 

The future—in the not-so-distant future, this world may cease to exist. But not just yet. 

We both harbor a beast. We have regrets. We try desperately to run from the inescapable. But nonetheless, we will fight and resist our inevitable extinction in order to understand who we really are. 

Perhaps we will discover a sinister beast that takes pleasure in slaughtering its enemies and soaking its jaws in their blood. Or perhaps we will find a guardian within, standing quietly and protecting the world. 

Who knows which one we will find, but it’s worth giving it a try. If, like the detectives said, I am able to find the version of me that is good, maybe that will be the day my sister finally returns to me. Or maybe that will be the day I attain peace… 

Until he takes his sister back—takes his life back—and becomes human, this howling dog whose emotions lie beyond his control will keep on running.